第一次写argument 求批改 只求三分能达到要求不？

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题目 ：argument 118
The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.
"A recent study rating 300 male and female advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than six hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. On the basis of this study, we recommend that businesses hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep per night."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.





At first glance，it might seem reasonable to agree with the argument in this article  that  businesses  should only hire people who need less than six hours of sleep per night ,because these  employee can make firm more successful. However, in order to fully assess  this argument,we need to ask a number of questions.The argument could finally  be weaker than it seems, or it might actually be quite valid.So in order to evaluate the recommendation better ,we need to know more then analyze what we learn.
To begin with, we need to know whether the need of less sleep is the main factor to make executive grow faster or to make firm achieve success.  As we all know, correlation does not necessarily imply causation.There are a lot of other factors that is also important for a successful firm, such as some diligent workers , an effective management  team  or attractive  advertisements. Without looking into how they achieved success, it is too hasty to attribute their accomplishments to the factor of less sleep .
In addition, we also need to know whether the survey reflects  authentic sleep pattern  of  the executives. In other world,  we need to know if the subjects  were telling the truth about their life style during the survey. It is  possible that  some subjects  who said that they sleep less time  only wanted to show their diligent working styles, but actually  they sleep more time than they said.With this possibility, the argument  could be weaker than it seems.  Without further data to verify the reliability of the survey results, it is not reasonable for arguer to make such conclusion.
Finally,it is not safe to assume that what works in one field would necessarily do the trick in a different flied.Therefore, we need to ask if the customers in the other fields have the same effects.  The subjects of the survey are all from a single field, namely, advertising. Maybe sleeping less time is important for people who want to grow faster in this field. But this rule may not apply to other fields, for example, insurance or manufacturing. So we need to investigate more information about other fields.Such information is vital for the  arguer to make conclusion  that this new rule can apply to other fields.
Overall speaking , the arguer’s argument mentioned above is not based on valid evidence or sound reasoning, neither of which is dispensable for a conclusive argument. In order to draw a better conclusion, the arguer should investigate  more convincible   information  carefully.