不怕被拍的很惨的人请进(义务改文章)

vickycy6UID：2107893

谢谢你帮我看下吧
２５号就要考了，这才是连的第三篇，给个建议吧，真不知道我这是个什么水平．
再次谢谢了，麻烦了！:)
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=311946

irenezhangUID：2117016

issue144
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=
issue41
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

zhizhiUID：2123761

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=311865
我不知道自己到底什么水平,心里没底儿的很,希望楼主能帮我看看,提点意见
谢谢你,麻烦楼主了

one way streetUID：194590

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

谢谢好人！！！

one way streetUID：194590

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

谢谢好人！！！

irenezhangUID：2117016

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

nowhereUID：167744

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=312045

yuflywestUID：2121102

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D3

三牛四火UID：206108

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

蒙特枫丹的回忆UID：2105879

细心改过， 外教说还成， 但寄友们怀疑不合模板，太诡异的说~请求及时指正方向
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D7

bnugirlUID：2103958

最想被人拍了，越惨越好啊！

issue83 https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=312121
issue144 https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... ighlight=%2Bbnugirl

谢谢！

joythrutearUID：184670

很想被人从头到脚狠Ｐ呢～我想这样我会对ＩＳＳＵＥ有更深的体会吧！非常感谢！

我也想这么学着Ｐ别人的文章，但总觉得要Ｐ的时候没有信心呢：）



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duckyl35UID：201612

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D102
楼主辛苦了。感觉自己问题很多，请多多指教！！

ffangUID：2122528

The arguer claims that the company should be able to increase the
share of the market by selling cars to the growing population of
newly licensed drivers, for the reason that the number of newly licensed drivers
increases rapidly. The arguer also concludes that the company should
dicontinue the oldest models abd concentrate instead on manufacturing
sporty cars, without any direct reasons. At last, the arguer suggests
the Youth Advertising agency for the company's advertisement, for
the agency has promoted the country's leading soft drink. Obviously,
the arguer commits several errs in the argument.

First, the arguer unfairly assumes that it is the old-fashioned
styles leading to the low sales of Patriot cars. There are many
other possibilities affecting the sales. Such as the dear price,
unsatisfying performance, high fuel consumption, bad after-sale
services. Without ruling out those possibilities, the arguer can
not come to the statement as it stands.

In the second place, the arguer fails to provide us enough evidence to support the perspectivethat newly licensed drivers will prefer sporty cars to oldest
models. Maybe many newly licensed drivers would like to own and
collect old style cars.The arguer fails to rule out the possibility
that the oldest style will be invaluable in the future. For example,
an old Ford car will undoubtedly cost tens of millions of dollars.

Additionaly, newly licensed drivers increasing do not indicate that
the demand of sporty cars will increase. Perhaps most newly licensed
drivers prefer to buy second-hand cars, or borrow cars from aquaintances
or rent cars from leasehold company. Even though it is true as it stands
that the newly licensed drivers will buy sporty cars,
how much percentage the newly licensed drivers do make up among
all the buyers? How much percentage do those who can afford the
sporty cars make up among all the newly licensed drivers?
Without these information , I can not accept the arguer’s conclusion.

Finally, no evidence could substantiate that the YA will make
successful promotion in our car sales, although it has made it
for the country’s leading soft drink. The arguer commits a
fallacy of false analogy. Perhaps the Youth Advertising agency
is only good at design excellent advertisement on soft drink.
The differences between cars and soft drink are too many.

To sum up, this argunent is groundless. To make the argument more
convincing, the arguer should provide more reasonable evidences.
Otherwise, I can not agree with the perspective as it stands.

ffangUID：2122528

212.        The following appeared in a memorandum from the new president of the Patriot car manufacturing company.
"In the past, the body styles of Patriot cars have been old-fashioned, and our cars have not sold as well as have our competitors' cars. But now, since many regions in this country report rapid increases in the numbers of newly licensed drivers, we should be able to increase our share of the market by selling cars to this growing population. Thus, we should discontinue our oldest models and concentrate instead on manufacturing sporty cars. We can also improve the success of our marketing campaigns by switching our advertising to the Youth Advertising agency, which has successfully promoted the country's leading soft drink."