20天托福110分复习计划，由于另一个帖子楼数太高，现在本帖也开始为各位改作文

saavedroUID: 2423190

来加分~~

jessie2107UID: 2447940

谢谢楼主~
呵呵，我第一次写T的作文，完全不知道一些技巧~
现在LZ一说就明白多了~再次谢谢~

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

Carol好久不见：
1.第一段写的很清楚，一眼就看到了主题句，如果你对文章的把握足够的话，这种开头方式是最好的。
2.第二段首句又出现了大长句，虽然句子写的不错，大师放在首句还是会令人感觉不舒服。你可以把句子些简单，然后段首的简单句后把你这句话写上，效果会更好。
3.Newton's law最好给一下解释，简单一些就好。否则会令人疑惑，虽然我们认定所有改托福作文的老师都是高水平，但是他们有的时候会懒得想的，呵呵。
总结：你的文章结构这次比较清晰，而且对句子的把握也强了很多。但是你没有写自己的例子，我是说以你为中心人物的例子，比如你在写完牛顿的时候，就可以写以下你自己的感受，而不是仅仅写students.这样会使你的文章增色不少。你的整篇文章最后一段是个亮点，十分精彩，希望能够继续保持。

xiaoshenkeUID: 2605613

请问楼主，托福作文举名人例子可以吗？我看大多数范文都不是这样写的。麻烦楼主帮忙修改一下好吗？谢谢。
Knowledge? Who doesn’t want knowledge? But the bigger question is which source we obtain knowledge is more important. Generally, when teenagers grow up, their personal thoughts come into being. Some prefer accumulating knowledge by reading more books, while on the other hand, others would like more experiences to be involved in their real life. As far as I am concerned, people should always consult experiences as the better method to acquire knowledge.

Initially, let’s think about William Shakespeare, the English playwright and poet, whose plays have been published, including all major languages, was recognized in much of the world as the greatest of all dramatists. He had a remarkable knowledge of human behavior, which he was able to communicate through his portrayal of a wide variety of characters. Obviously, to enter fully into the point of the view of each of his characters and to create a vivid dramatic situation in which to explore human motivations and behavior always come in handy for him. But William had never read a large number of books, instead he processed a large quantity of real life experience which enable him to produce those wonderful fictions and poems. Nothing can be more obvious to support this view than the instance of Shakespeare I stated above.

Further more, Leonardo Da Vinci also provides adequate justification for my point of view. Leonardo Da Vinci, whose painting of the Mona Lisa remains the most famous portrait ever done, excelled at portraiture, a new art form that depicted people as individuals. But Leonardo was also a skilled architect and engineer, who designed submarine, helicopter and airplane, long before these inventions ever built. Since the Renaissance, the term “Renaissance man” has been applied to others, who , like Leonardo Da Vinci, excelled in diverse fields. Remember one thing, only a few books did he read. Then, we may ask, how could he fulfill those significant goals? The answer is experience, of course. There is no better illustration to prove my opinion.

Finally, let’s assume we are the ones who have read plenty of books but process none experiences. Now a major problem we are facing is how could we apply the theory to practice or we could only be Munchausen. But since we have little experience accumulated before, we really have a long way towards solving the problem. Definitely, what we should do next is to accelerate the development of our own experience. This ,is what is known as breaking point because the decision about experience can break a powerful potential future.

To sum it up, all the discussion stated above lead us to a conclusion that experience is a better way to obtain knowledge. It is recommended that one should spend more time to gain valuable experience rather than only focus on books. However, it is up to him or her to make the final decision which is in line with their value and situation.

jiagengUID: 2431359

大哥，有QQ号吗？有问题咨询

1988HarrietUID: 2603151

Topic：自己做决定还是have others make decisions

With the rapid advancement of modern society, there arise an ever increasing number of problems which require for one’s prompt and reasonable choices. Sometimes so complicated and confusing are these problems that it is extremely hard for one to make a wise choice. There has been a heated a controversy among people, especially college students ,over whether one should make choices on one’s own or have others make decisions. Arguing for having others make decisions are those people who assume that different opinions could make the problems more easily to be solved. Warrented it may appear, is that really the case? Contrary to the opinion of many people is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that students should make decisions on one’s own. based on the information I have collected for the past few years.

Admittedly, there exist some minor advantages to having others such as parents or classmates make decisions for students including various perspectives towards the same issue and the student’s limited understanding towards some professional field. For example, if a student is considering whether or not he should choose mathematics as his major, he could get more resources and information from his teachers and classmates on what needs to be an excellent mathematician and what subjects the major of mathematics insist of. Another advantage to having others make decisions is that a student usually could not make a relatively wise decision due to his limited horizon and knowledge, which is what his teachers and parents could offer. Adults tend to be more mature and experienced when facing such tough situations. Thus, having others make decisions is a good choice for an immature individual.

Considerable though the advantages that having others making decisions result in are, they could not compete with the benefits that making decisions on one’s own brings about, when the ability to be independant and the effiency of dealing with problems are taken into consideration. There is no denying the fact that a teenager should learn to be more independent in order to face potential difficult times in the future. He needs to learn how to choose a suitable supervisor to get sufficient information such as school policies and class rules. Moreover, he will have to choose an ideal job which could develop his potential to the largest extent upon graduation. He should also learn how to choose a suitable department when accepted by a large company. This is all what the future may have in store for him. If the students can not learn to make a choice on even a trivial staff, how could he make choices on more vital things such as the strategy of a company when he enters into adulthood? After all, Parents and teachers will not be able to make choices for him all the time. Thus，a student should learn to make his own choices at the very beginning.

In addition, the efficiency of dealing with a problem is also a significant which can never be too exaggerated. It is universally acknowledged that the chief reason for a right decision is not so much who is making decisions as how much effective information is obtained. This is not to say that the opinions from parents and teachers are not important, in fact, they are merely among many other factors that affect decision-making and are definitely not the root cause of a wise decision. On one thing, everyone holds a personal perspective towards an event so that their opinions may be contradictory with each other. This will confuse the students more than making decisions on one’s own. because he could tell which is right and which is wrong. For another, it is accepted that even a professor with profound professional knowledge can make mistakes sometimes due to his limited capacity and this fault information may misguide a student further. Therefore, a student should keep in mind that there is no one that knows him better than himself and it is more possible that he could make a wiser decision completely on his own.

From what has been discussed above, although there exist a couple of reasons why one should have others make decisions, I am fully convinced that the advantages of making decisions on one’s own overweigh it. In this way, not only could a student become more independent with time passing by, but also he will learn to cope with a problem more effectively and efficiently. As far as I am concerned, making decisions on one’s own should be given the priority during one’s growth.

谢谢LZ啊~~这篇文章我写的有点太啰嗦了，正式考试肯定来不及写那么多~~希望能帮我看一下有哪些是可以删掉不用写的~~另外就是一些表达、论点论据什么的，指点一下哈，谢谢^_^

1988HarrietUID: 2603151

对了，还想问一下几个问题
1. LZ作文是怎么练的？按话题练吗？还是按JJ练？ 感觉185的好多啊，自己肯定来不及都每种题材都练一遍。。。。
2. 还有就是185里面有些“偏”的题目（例如最能代表你们国家的一种东西什么的），那些需要看么？呵呵
3. LZ效率好高啊~我是个贪睡的主。。。。怎么保持那么好的复习状态啊？我都觉得自己在混日子，哎。。。。

liurui8802UID: 2595045

科技使生活更简单还是更复杂，我重写了一篇， 请楼主指正
Modern technology has brought us countless benefits.Motorcycles take us to our destination in a few hours, mobile phones help us remain in contact with our beloved ones, ovens make cooking not so complicated.We can not live without smart devices nowadays.However, these little cute helpers also afflict us with troubles.Our lives, instead of being more simple, actually is becoming more and more sophisticated.

Modern devices boast to give us convenience, but simultaneously, they hand us a thick book of how to make them function well.A study carried out by a high-tech company shows that two thirds of Americans turned apathetic to new inventions because of the tedious and troublesome progress of looking through manuals. In fact,they want something that is easy to operate.Manifold function as some products may have, they are, however, useless when customers are depressed by the formidable illustrations.

Moreover, with new technology advancing every day, we are, to some extent, overwhelmed by it.No where can we escape the influence it exerts on us.Our E-mail boxes are full of unnecessary informations which, if unfortunately, obscure some important ones such as a new vacancy in our desirable company;wanting to find a recipe for birthday party on line, we are presented with thousands of hot-links, among which are of no use or simply advertisement; teenagers who wish to have some time of their own find it hard because their parents keep an eye on them through GPS or cell phones. Technology deprives us of privacy and fills us with too much information which is time consuming.

We credit technology with more convenience and comfort  as well as so much annoying troubles.It is a price we pay for improvement.Maybe one day, we will remember those simple days living in a hut by a lake and cooking by ourselves.

carol1007UID: 2524347

LZ 是好人，修改的一针见血 呵呵 感谢万分~
继续发哈

Topic 55:A person should never make an important decision alone.

It is widely acknowledged that people have to make some crutial decisions under certain circumstances which may change their career directions and living condition .Whether a person should make decision alone or not depends on the certain situation to a great extent . From my perception ,people should learn how to make a vital decision by themselves instead of relying on the advisers accustomedly.The reasons are given as follow.

To begin with , making decision alone saves a lot of time which can be more effective and efficient whenever it is an emergency .Something happened to me last year can illustrate the idea sufficiently .I remember that it was a foggy day when a car accident took place on the road I went to school .The wounded passengers were crowded by several witnesses but no one remenbered to call the ambulance for them .I felt so anxious about the victims and called the nearest hospital to send for an ambulance as soon as possible within one second's determination.By the time the ambulance had arrived, a crowd of spectators had gathered .I told them to keep away from the injured people in order to insure the fresh air for them to respire and enough space to lie flat.As a matter of fact I am kind of introverted type with no encourage to speak out in front of strangers.But that time ,by making decision alone without hesitation I saved several people .The consequence can not be imagined if I discussed with others and passed the best time to rescue them.  

Moreover,decisions made alone are always the best choices as a result of preference and motivation.A example can be offered to demonstrate the perspective definitely.When my friend Tom choose his university and major to attend university ,he makes the final decision depends on his inclination but not on his parents' suggestion which take the employment prospect into consideration .Now he has graduated from university with the honor of excellent graduate and devotes himself to the research in his academic field .Interests are best teachers,interests lead to involvement which ensure the suffient time and enthusiasm to be put in the research.Obviously,decisions according to personal interests ,especially when they relate closely to career pursuits, are undoubtedlly reasonable.

What's more , independence is a undeniable significant quality for a capable competitor in 21st century.We can assume a young man who has just stepping into  society ,he have to tackle issues alone and make decisions by his own judgement for parents and teachers can not stand by him in any sort of need.Lacking independence may cause problems such as inadequacy for his work or distrust of superiors.

From what has been discussed above,we could safely arrive at the conclusion that a person should learn how to make decisions alone .Making decision alone brings us merits like saving time ,the cultivation of independence as well as a better development in future.

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复xiaoshenke：
首先，我是肖申克的救赎的忠实fans.
今天发的人比较多，我就不一段一段给你分析了。
总结：
你的文章中长句子太多，很多句子都可以分开写的。let’s think about William Shakespeare, the English playwright and poet, 这句话非常好，英文写作如果要举名人的例子就用这样的句子些就好了。通篇看了你的文章，发现你比较喜欢写名人事例，美国人认为名人事例不能代表你的态度，虽然可以写，但是不推荐，你应该尝试一下自己的例子，这样写出来的文章才有吸引里，才能够得高分。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复1988Harriet：
你的每一段都太长了，顶的上别人的两道三段了。我不一段一段给你分析了，就依你的第一段为例
With the rapid advancement of modern society, there arise an ever increasing number of problems which require for one’s prompt and reasonable choices. Sometimes so complicated and confusing are these problems that it is extremely hard for one to make a wise choice. There has been a heated a controversy among people, especially college students ,over whether one should make choices on one’s own or have others make decisions. Arguing for having others make decisions are those people who assume that different opinions could make the problems more easily to be solved. Warrented it may appear, is that really the case? Contrary to the opinion of many people is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that students should make decisions on one’s own. based on the information I have collected for the past few years.第一段就是写出你的中心论点。你的第一段写了太多的废话。看到最后我还是看的一头雾水。看过你通篇文章发现你在写作文的时候用了太多的形容词，导致你的文章开起来太过华丽，没有内容，非常空，而且段落冗长。你可以尝试把形容词删去一些，然后从新总结段落，并把总结句放在句尾，首段以简单句为主就好了，然后在段位跟一句总结。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复：1988Harriet
托福作文大概内容都一样，既不用分开练也不用看jj，你只需要精写一些文章，然后仔细分析一下就好了。写的文章越多，你固有的错误在你自己脑中的印象就越深。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复：liurui8802：
第一段写的非常不错，如果你能把例子在精简以下就更好了。我尤其喜欢你：However, these little cute helpers also afflict us with troubles.Our lives, instead of being more simple, actually is becoming more and more sophisticated.这句话，都能够当范文了，非常好，非常好，看的我惭愧啊……
看了你整片文章，发现你没有例子是以自己为中心，一这篇文章为例，你可以写一些涉及到自己日常生活，自己有感触的事情，作为例子加到第二段去，平衡文章结构。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复carol1007：
不客气，我看了你的文章，基本上已经没有什么问题了，剩下的就是平衡一下文章结构就好了，好文章应该向锥子一样，你的文章写的有一些虎头蛇尾了。如果能给倒数第二段再加上一个离子效果会更好。

蓝色追风鸟UID: 2584473

多谢楼主分享，请教怎么改作文？