零散版友作文互改大贴

leslinUID: 2571497

占位改105楼Issue51

leslinUID: 2571497

Issue
45.”Government officials should rely on their own judgment rather than unquestioningly carrying out the will of the people whom they serve.”
Words: 470
Time: 42min

Just as the speaker says, judgment by government officials is more reasonable than the original wills of ordinary civilians. With a great depth of knowledge, decisions made by authorities are more appropriate. On the contrary, most civilians are in short of necessary decisive abilities to make resolutions. But it must be defined that the judgment should be made after the combination of people’s will and officials’ specific knowledge. So in my opinion, it is practical to create a counterbalance of these two in order to reach the best result.

It must be seen objectively that officials, including numerous experts in social science, politics, and drawing schemes, will be the main source of determinants that lead to the first-rate judgment. Officials, who are in charge of overall perspective, are always required and recommended by their internal habits to draw resolutions under the background of a wide range of knowledge, a variety of different circumstances, and even all interests that anyone may perceive. That means “comprehensibility”. For example, the solution for economical crisis is made not only according to banking factors, but also housing, oil prices, vehicle market and so on. That all illustrate why official decisions are more advisable than pedestrians’

On the other hand, public’s opinion may be sometimes imprudent or partial or biased. Firstly, because of knowledge limitation, most civilians can only observe parts of the problem within their own fields. As a result, their opinions or conclusion are only available to work out part of the problem or, even worse, destroy everything. Just like you cannot let a non-military personnel to determine whether Allies should put Normandy landings into actions. Secondly, even one individual is an Aristotle. He cannot make totally unbiased and fair decision because of a nature of human beings—selfish, which will lead to nothing but lopsided views harming overall situation.

But admittedly, public’s will cannot be ignored. As we all know, governments are serving for the public’s interests. Therefore, governments’ solutions can not be separated from the public’s opinions. Otherwise, governments are just parasites of the society like those tyrannies. What’s more, public still owns great power that cannot be omitted. The situation in the United States is a good example. Every legal civilians have the right to boast guns in order to prevent governments from impairing their interests and protect their own rights in motherland.

Just like what mentioned above, governments’ officials owns the power of planning and improving proposals while the public is the beneficiaries of them. It is natural for us to promote a scheme that will combine these two together to reach the best results. The relationship between these two roles is like rifle and aiming: no rifle, no shooting; no aiming, no direction. only if we mix governments’ knowledge and people’s will together, a more prosperous society is predictable.

leslinUID: 2571497

????你是不是发错题目了？？？？应该是Issue63......改了吧

I fundamentally agree with the conclusion that the government should preserve publicly owned wideness areas[这里建议最好改写一下题目，尽量不要用原句嘛]. however, whether the areas needed to be maintained in aboriginality should depend on the specific situation of the area. Howbeit I do not approve the latter assertion that only a few people would arrive there because it is not accords with the changing rapidly world and the phenomenon that urban expansion, even though some areas are indeed remote.[这里建议一下：第一段最后把even though那块提前到Howbeit后面，这样不会觉得句子头重脚轻]

There are three fundamental arguments for imposing the government to protect the diminishing[这个“减少”就不要在这里放了，放到view后面的小论点上，要不然会局限后面发挥] wildness areas. The first has to do with the culpability and the responsibility. To the extent that the excessive anthropogenic events have seriously affected the dedicate balance of the natural environment and intricate matrix of the interdependent relationships between wild species[加个“and human beings”为好，重要的是人和自然的关系], we humans have the duty to take affirmative actions, especiallty[especially] through the government that[which is] the most powerful organization, to protect the few existed wildness areas. The second one is appeal to the self-preservation. Since the global environment is in dedicate balance as discussed above, the diminishing and disappear of wildness areas can set into motion a series of species extinctions and the balance destruction of other areas, and ultimately endanger the survival of our human beings. The third argument comes to the rich and abundant resources in the wildness areas, which has a significant meaning for researchers of biology and ecology Researchers are likely to continue to seek the answer of the origination and evolution of life, which has inestimable significance[上面用过significant了，这里用别的吧，比如说gravity] not only on the biological technology but also the ultimate question of life.
[个人意见：作者的第三个小论点和这一段的主论点有点不协调，有开发价值和日益减少没有必然的逻辑联系，所以在上面建议把diminishing去掉就好了]

Moreover the government should take the reasonable and appropriate action to certain wildness place. For example, it is true that we should keep the natural state of everglade, forest and tropical rainforest. However, when it comes to other areas such as Sahara where should be improved rather than remained in natural state. The expansion of Sahara largely caused by human activities and if we leave aside the problems or just keep it on, the harsh desert will threaten our survival.

However the speaker's latter assertion that wildness areas are so remote that merely people would arrive which contrast with the facts that rapidly expanding areas and scope of human activities. Humankind have never stop the step of exploring new habitat[habitats], especially at[in] today's time that population rapidly growing[population is rapidly growing], resources being depleted and technology developing at a speed that no one can image[用imagine好点吧]. There are several plans regards[regarding] to explore[exploration] and even move[moving] to mars, let alone the wildness areas on the touchable earth.[这句总觉得有点乱] As a result it is actually a harsh and difficult task for the government to protect the natural areas, and on the other hand, we can also infer from the urgent and harsh global situation[直接用globalization吧] that remain of wildness area might also have some unknowable values on a economic self-interest level.


In sum, I agree that the government should take action to protect the wildness areas based on specific circumstances and analyze case-by-case in the respects that responsibility of environmental protection, human beings' self-preservation and scientific value of the natural resources. In addition, as the expanding of human activities area, there might be unknown value[换一个，用uncovered treasures吧] about the significant already measure.

总的来说，思路还是很明显的，只是感觉推理演绎的东西比较多，例子过少，建议多加点例子吧，要不然（用新东方李虹桥老师的话说）就是诡辩了
加油哦！！！

rolling713UID: 2550988

占位改108楼Issue 45

批改晚了还请见谅！不好意思啊！:handshake

Issue
45.”Government officials should rely on their own judgment rather than unquestioningly carrying out the will of the people whom they serve.”
Words: 470
Time: 42min

Just as the speaker says, judgment by government officials is more reasonable than the original wills of ordinary civilians. With a great depth of knowledge, decisions made by authorities are more appropriate. On the contrary, most civilians are in short of necessary decisive abilities to make resolutions. But it must be defined that the judgment should be made after the combination of people’s will and officials’ specific knowledge. So in my opinion, it is practical to create a counterbalance of these two in order to reach the best result.（立论鲜明）

It must be seen objectively that officials, including numerous experts in social science, politics, and drawing schemes, will be the main source of determinants that lead to the first-rate judgment. Officials, who are in charge of overall perspective, are always required and recommended by their internal habits to draw resolutions under the background of a wide range of knowledge, a variety of different circumstances, and even all interests that anyone may perceive.
（这句楼主想表达什么呢？依照我的理解，是说官员们会在xxx一系列背景之下从自身的习惯出发来做出决定，可我觉得internal habits就没有必要了，否则显得有些自相矛盾）That means “comprehensibility”. For example, the solution for economical crisis is made not only according to banking factors, but also housing, oil prices, vehicle market and so on. That all illustrate why official decisions are more advisable than pedestrians（这个词印象中是“行人”的意思吧？我查了下韦氏似乎没有市民的引申义）（从楼主后面举的例子看也没有包括internal habits）

On the other hand, public’s opinion may be sometimes imprudent or partial or biased. Firstly, because of knowledge limitation, most civilians can only observe parts of the problem within their own fields. As a result, their opinions or conclusion are only available to work out part of the problem or, even worse, destroy everything. Just like you cannot let a non-military personnel to determine whether Allies should put Normandy landings into actions. Secondly, even one individual is an Aristotle. He cannot make totally unbiased and fair decision because of a nature of human beings—selfish, which will lead to nothing but lopsided views harming overall situation.（这段的论证很好）

But admittedly, public’s will cannot be ignored. As we all know, governments are serving for the public’s interests（governments are obliged to serve for the public’s interests自认为这样好点）. Therefore, governments’ solutions（resolutions） cannot be separated from the public’s opinions. Otherwise, governments are just parasites of the society like those tyrannies（这句的表达似乎不大明确，应该是今天的社会和tyrannies社会相比是parasites，而不是政府，但我也不知如何表达更好，楼主也可以斟酌下）. What’s more, public still owns great power that cannot be omitted. The situation in the United States is a good example. Every legal civilians have the right to boast guns in order to prevent governments from impairing their interests and protect their own rights in motherland.

Just like what mentioned above, governments’ officials owns（own） the power of planning and improving proposals while the public is the beneficiaries of them. It is natural for us to promote a scheme that will combine these two（似乎这段中没有提到这两个具体的方面，所以还是最好说明一下） together to reach the best results. The relationship between these two roles is like rifle and aiming: no rifle, no shooting; no aiming, no direction（好比喻！这么说政府是rifle，而民众是的意见aim）. Only if we mix governments’ knowledge and people’s will together, a more prosperous society is predictable.

总体来说，楼主的结构是没有问题的，这一点比我这个新手要强多了。可我还两周就考试了，平常还有一堆专业课……批改晚了还请见谅！不好意思啊！楼主加油！

rolling713UID: 2550988

第一次发文，多多指教！
Issue 138

"Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress."


Human is no saint. He must make mistakes. It is a fact that nobody can ever deny. Given the fact that we have the judgment of things to be right or wrong can there be some explorations or improvements. The speaker mainly emphasized on one's discovery or progress to which making mistakes contributes, which from my observation is not of that absoluteness and should be discussed on two contradictory aspects.

The two conflicting words, right and wrong, one stands for the things of merits, the other stands for the things of evil, are always instructed by parents, teachers, or other elders during our early ages. But we may still come out to be failure after long time of consideration and scheduling. It is not the hinge that if we ever made a mistake, yet is what we do after that--To analyze the fact and deduce the reason of errors, then to try to make amendments, and finally to erratic the bad effects--or merely to groan and regret for the misplays, to forget about any chances of remedy, and eventually to stop at the origin without any improvements.

The first finale after making a mistake, to repair and make corrections, is the way which leads to discovery and progress. Considering the fact that Barack Obama, the president of United States of America, used to be an addict of marijuana in his youth. He indulged himself sinking into feast of vacuity, but after a year, abstained it from his soul and managed to be matriculated by the graduate school of Columbia University. The final story, which he won the election of the apex of the states, only in the youth of 44, acting as the first black man who ever made it, is a miracle that interspersed by people all over the world. From this story, we can safely say that it doesn't matter if one made a wrong move, but it is the key that if he knows to make it up, splendid things are still chances to be possible.

The second finale after making a mistake, to sigh and be despair, is the way which leads to suspension or even degradation. Though human beings have been making extraordinary progress in the areas of science and technology, which contributes much to our way of living, we can't deny that our lust also brings numerous tragedies. It brings World War I. It brings World War II. It brings all the conflicts which still are staging in some corners of the earth. There are even seldom people who stand out and introspect ourselves: whether the things we have done enjoys any compliments except helping to reduce the skyrocketing population? Are there any chances we can do to survive from killing and invading? Although we can feel some consolation that the big guys are focusing on ways of maintaining peace and coorperation, it is still too late and sometimes they even forget about that. No one would ever confess that there are any improvements about this issue.

We are making discovery and progress through making mistakes, while not always come to the right destination. If one can ever be successful after all the wrong moves, he must be the god. Only making mistake does not directly results to any improvements. It is what we discover from the misplays, say, experiences and lessons, which finally lead us to the better future.

ttstartUID: 2593649

先占着，改楼上的

哎呀，快断网了，明天传上~

第一次发文，多多指教！
Issue 138

"Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress."


Human is no saint. He must make mistakes. It is a fact that nobody can ever deny. Given the fact that we have the judgment of things to be right or wrong can there be some explorations or improvements. The speaker mainly emphasized on one's discovery or progress to which making mistakes contributes, which from my observation is not of that absoluteness and should be discussed on two contradictory aspects.

The two conflicting words, right and wrong, one stands for the things of merits, the other stands for the things of evil, are always instructed by parents, teachers, or other elders during our early ages. But we may still come out to be failure after long time of consideration and scheduling. It is not the hinge that if we ever made a mistake, yet is what we do after that--To analyze the fact and deduce the reason of errors, then to try to make amendments, and finally to erratic the bad effects--or merely to groan and regret for the misplays, to forget about any chances of remedy, and eventually to stop at the origin without any improvements.
（这段的论点不太清楚，最好在首句亮明观点）

The first finale after making a mistake, to repair and make corrections, is the way which leads to discovery and progress. Considering the fact that Barack Obama, the president of United States of America, used to be an addict of marijuana in his youth. He indulged himself sinking into feast of vacuity, but after a year, abstained it from his soul and managed to be matriculated by the graduate school of Columbia University. The final story, which he won the election of the apex of the states, only in the youth of 44, acting as the first black man who ever made it, is a miracle that interspersed by people all over the world. From this story, we can safely say that it doesn't matter if one made a wrong move, but it is the key that if he knows to make it up, splendid things are still chances to be possible.（这个例子最好侧重阐述一下以前的失败和现在成功的联系， 给人感觉太突兀 ）

The second finale after making a mistake, to sigh and be despair, is the way which leads to suspension or even degradation. Though human beings have been making extraordinary progress in the areas of science and technology, which contributes much to our way of living, we can't deny that our lust also brings numerous tragedies. It brings World War I. It brings World War II. It brings all the conflicts which still are staging in some corners of the earth. There are even seldom people who stand out and introspect ourselves: whether the things we have done enjoys any compliments except helping to reduce the skyrocketing population? Are there any chances we can do to survive from killing and invading? Although we can feel some consolation that the big guys are focusing on ways of maintaining peace and coorperation, it is still too late and sometimes they even forget about that. No one would ever confess that there are any improvements about this issue.

We are making discovery and progress through making mistakes, while not always come to the right destination. If one can ever be successful after all the wrong moves, he must be the god. Only making mistake does not directly results to any improvements. It is what we discover from the misplays, say, experiences and lessons, which finally lead us to the better future.
（我的语言比较弱，但是从结构上来说感觉有些问题，给我的印象这篇文章的结构是这样的，
：第一段：分析题目+略表述观点
第二段：详表述观点（表述的不清楚，可以和第一段和啊）
第三段：正面论述mistakes lead success（例子说服力不是很强）
第四段：反面：不是所以的mistake 都可以 lead success 有人停滞不前了（个人感觉不扣题，和题目的逻辑也不一致）
他是说 only mistake can。。。。要反也应该是 还有other ways can lead success，
另外他说的是discovery & progress, 如果说progress可以体现，那discovery呢？是不是应该延伸（深）到其他层面呢
当然只是个人观点，但即使思路没问题，也觉得两段的论述也太单薄了

ttstartUID: 2593649

我的…………
题目：ISSUE38 - "In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books."
字数：505          用时：00:45:00          日期：2009-3-22 21:32:34

The speaker's assertion can be understood in tow aspects: firstly, the book is not so import; secondly, reading books can be replaced by watching TV when it comes to achieve knowledge. I concede that following the spread of television, some functions of books such as amuing(amusement) can be instead by television. However, for the different characters of book and TV I strongly disagree with the speaker's second assertion.

I agree with the first assertion that books are not so important and effective as books when it comes to the functions of amusement and information for the inherent different characters of them. Many people would like to watch football games as a relaxer, and sure that most of them prefer the online television which full of the exciting movement of the players rather than the printed books or magazine as a recall of the excellent competition. And then, imaging that when we want to get information about the Iraq War, the TV can provide us a vivid video and when we want to record human kind first step on moon, the movement memorization on TV is surely better than the article on papers. Thus, in some aspects, books are replaced gradual by the TV.

However, There are three compelling reasons for me to insist that reading books can not and should not replaced by watching TV as a institution of learning. The first one is the books can carry systemic and deeper level knowledge that can be not involved by television. Books involves the total knowledge(不可数) and wisdom in the human history which are arranged in a logical and systemic way. In contrast of the TV, to attract people's eyeball, the TV programs are always select the attractive and exciting part. Moreover some abstract knowledge such as theory of physics and philosophy, the same abstract article is a better way to illustrate them than the flowing quickly video.

The second reason is that, the purpose of the media today are in pursuit of the most profit and as a result the great amount advertizes, amusement program and even popular stars scandal, which have no sense neither from content nor form. Instead of wasting time for the limited valuable information and wasting energy to select the useful ones, reading books is a more reasonable way to get the information and knowledge for us .

The last reason is that book is quite convenient for us to carry and read so that we can think over and compare the knowledge that we can not absorb immediately. As we know, learning is a trial-and-error process and reading books is a fit way to accord with this process. While, the flash picture on TV is far less than books in this aspect.

In sum, because the inherent difference between book and TV, it might a better choice to watch TV when we want to relax or get current news. However, when it comes to learning, I disagree with the speaker that people can learn as much by watching TV as reading books

LizzytblUID: 2600929

占位改楼上的

实在不能忍了，语法错误狂多，建议楼上自己先改改再发上来吧。。。
我觉得思路蛮好的，就是语言再修改一下就好了，当然，自己水平也有限，希望和作者继续切磋

The speaker's assertion can be understood in tow aspects: firstly, the book is not so import; secondly, reading books can be replaced by watching TV when it comes to achieve knowledge. (Reading books is not so important for learning and can be replaced by watching TV.) I concede that following (with) the spread of television, some functions of books such as amuing(amusement) (amusing readers) can be instead (replaced) by television. However, for (considering) the different characters of books and TV I strongly disagree with (oppose) the speaker's second assertion.

I agree with the first assertion that (compared with TV,) books are not so important and effective as books when it comes to the functions of amusement and information for the inherent different characters of them (for recreation or spreading information, which is decided by their inherent character.) (For example,) many people would (who) like to watch football games as a relaxer (pastime), and sure that most of them (would) prefer the online television (TV programs) which (are) full of the exciting movement of the players (details of the games) rather than the printed books or magazine(s) as a recall of the excellent competition. And then, imaging (Just imagine,) that when we want to get information about the Iraq War, the TV can provide us a vivid (很奇怪，vivid不是生动的吗？感觉有点幸灾乐祸) video and when we want to record human kind first step (the first step of human kind) on moon, the movement memorization on TV (the video recording the whole process) is surely better than the article on papers. Thus, in some aspects, books are replaced gradual (gradually) by the TV.

However, There are three compelling reasons for me to insist that reading books can not (cannot) and should not (be) replaced by watching TV as a institution (media) of learning. The first one is the books can carry more systemic and deeper (higher) level (of) knowledge that can be not involved (expressed) by television. Books involves the total (massive) knowledge(不可数) and wisdom in the (of) human history which are arranged in a logical and systemic (systematic) way. In contrast of the TV, to attract people's eyeball, the TV programs are always select (selecting) the (most) attractive and exciting part (to attract people's eyeball). Moreover (for) some abstract knowledge such as theory of physics and philosophy, the same abstract article is a better way (using articles may be more convenient) to illustrate them than the flowing quickly (making) video (which plays too quick to follow).

The second reason is that, (lies in) the purpose of the media today (which) are (is) in pursuit of the most (maximizing) profit. and as (As) a result (,) the great amount (of) advertizes (ads), amusement (entertainment) program (programs) and even popular stars (pop-stars’) scandal(s) (are continuously played on TV), which have no sense neither (either) from (in) content nor (or) form. Instead of wasting time (and energy to select limited useful information there) for the limited valuable information and wasting energy to select the useful ones, reading books is a more reasonable way to get the information and knowledge for us (seems much better).

(As to the) The last reason (,) (we can notice that) is that book is (books are) quite convenient for us to carry and read so that we can think over and compare the knowledge that we can not absorb (not absorbed) immediately (any time we want). As we know, learning is a trial-and-error process and reading books is a fit (suitable) way to accord (comply) with this process. While, (while) the flash pictures on TV is (are) far less (effective) than books in this aspect (from this perspective).

In sum, because (of) the inherent difference between book (s) and TV, it might (be) a better choice to watch TV when we want to relax or get current news. However, (while) when it comes to learning, I disagree with the speaker that people can learn as much by watching TV as (by) reading books.

LizzytblUID: 2600929

再贴自己的，希望狠狠拍啊，第一篇。。。还有半个月就考了

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 523
TIME: 花了很久自己改



I partly agree with the speaker's assertion on "how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society". For thousands of years, the society has always been promoted by the newborn forces stemmed from children who are socialized by previous society and will determine the orientation of later societal period. Nevertheless, I hold a positive attitude toward our ability to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

Children, armed with advanced technologies of the day, taught with their duties to the world, edified with the communicating skills to teamwork, and most importantly, grown up with energetic power to take place of the older generation, are inevitably the leading part of future society. They inherit the comprehension of the society from their predecessors and will generate the propelling power to the society. Therefore, whether they’ve got adequate knowledge or awareness of society determines to what an extent they can reshape the society, or in other words the destiny of society.

However, before we make the conclusion that we have not yet learned how to raise children to better the society which means we did badly in imparting knowledge and social experience, we’d better first have a look at the present condition and trend of the society. As the consequence of children’s socialization, the societies in countries over the whole world are at large evolving—from primitive societies to slave societies and all the way long to the advanced statement at present that are still moving on—which best suggests that we always have the ability to enable our children well socialized. As to the exact way, we have to consider from three aspects: families, educational institutions and the whole societal air.

Turning first to families, it is observed that economic conditions of most families are better than before and therefore endow children the access to more kinds of educational lessons which can develop the buried gifts of them. Meanwhile, as the proportion of literal parents is growing, more and more parents are now qualified as the "enlighten teacher".

Turning next to educational institutions such as schools giving universal or special education, we may notice that even the delinquent children whose faults are due to our certain raising deficiencies, have chances to get back on track, which is another supplementary measure to the educational institution.

Turning last to the whole societal air, the sever competition forces children to be adaptable while the advanced civilization makes them behave more enlightened. Or else, anyone of them who cannot realize the regulation of natural selection would fail and be wiped out by the society. Maybe it’s sad for particular individual and seemingly our deficiency in raising children, but the right way of society—as part of nature—to edify them.

In sum, we have the ability to raise children who will better the society meanwhile we also have to admit certain teaching method need renewed to enable them be more creative except memorizing textbook knowledge and be more cooperative during teamwork. If we can find out more effective way to fix the weakness in the detailed teaching method, maybe the society can progress faster.

leslinUID: 2571497

rolling713 “占位改108楼Issue 45” 怎么说改没改呢？？？

qianyierUID: 2561886

51、 "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
只有针对每个学生的需要和兴趣，教育才真正的有意义。

In my point of view, the primary aim of education is to enhance the ability to learn knowledge and promote individual socialization. On the other hand, education should also try to cultivate social elite and promote social development. General education can only achieve the first aim. However, to fit for the special needs of student is the important way to reach the other aim. Student-oriented education is the most effective way to help students learn.

Experience tells us that the education now is traditional teacher-centered model, which provides general education to people with similar teaching methods, tends to meet the basic needs of being educated right. On behalf of the whole nation, we can not deny the progress and achievements of public education. Take China as an example, without teacher-centered education, we can not integrate the limited teaching and learning resources and cultivate almost every citizen. Thanks to the Nine-year compulsory education policy, as we all know, the illiterate rate has decreased enormously in the past 30 years.

Nevertheless, Children are willing to explore the world around them. It is the interest and curiosity that motivate children to study and explore. Each student differs in the respect what they may focus on, which leads to the different levels of desire to learn various subject, in turn, they will be adept in their own domains in which their talents are. But the unified education can not suffice the special interests of each student. What is meant by this is that if the traditional curriculum cannot refer to every aspect so that the talent will withdraw with the disappearance of interests. If so, our nation may lose a large number of potential scientists and leaders, which can illustrate the inefficiency or even the failure of education.  

In addition, if some special interest can not be satisfied, children may fail to socialize, causing many other psychological and social problems.  To exemplify this, we can notice that some children are sensible to numbers and like to dig into certain math problems, but they usually do badly at literacy. Admittedly, there is usually stark gap between the gifted individual and his or her actual academic results because he or she has to learn some courses they are not interested in unwillingly. The poor accomplishments in other subjects may defeat the confidence especially when their parents cannot understand and scold them. In that way, children may finally lose their hearts to learn and complain about life. They sometimes feel frustrating or distress. They usually end with being drop by traditional school and idling in the street.  

In the final analysis, I concede the importance of general education on the condition that education should also fulfill the special needs of students as possible as much. High-qualified education must not only be designed to promote the whole culture level of the nation, but also pay attention to some special interests and let the children develop in body and mind. We should try our best to offer more interesting courses and offer autonomy to students as long as the quality of compulsory education is guaranteed. Only when the talent can develop by special curriculum, can the education achieve the goals of improve the whole nation culture level and foster the elites. That is the truly effective education.

qianyierUID: 2561886

作者的思路是：开头同意孩子决定社会，但是相信可以教育好孩子，主体分别从家庭、教育机构和社会风气三个方面来阐述我们如何有能力可以培养好孩子，然后结尾。
结尾的小建议：既然在结尾提到了当前教育的不足，那么我觉得应该在前面主题部分单独列一段论述。其实，如果不说这个缺点，那就直接热情洋溢的表示我们很有信心可以教育好孩子，我感觉也可以啦。如果前面提到的不足很少，那就不在最后一段插入这样的新观点了吧。
如果你想说一下当前教育的一些缺点，那么我觉得可以加一段，放在第三段，做一个让步，然后再推进从家庭、教育机构和社会风气改善的论证。希望作者可以再好好琢磨一下论点和文章结构。
句子方面，由于我自己的句子写得也不是很好，只能说把一些我读的不太顺的地方调整了一下。
其实我自己也很烂啦，改得不好的，还请见谅。我也花了很久时间来琢磨这个。
希望还有高人可以帮到你!


I partly agree with the speaker's assertion on "how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society". For thousands of years, the society has always been promoted by the newborn forces stemmed from children who are socialized by previous society and will determine the orientation of later societal period. Nevertheless, I hold a positive attitude toward our ability to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
Children, armed with advanced technologies of the day, taught with their duties to the world, edified with the communicating skills of teamwork, and most importantly, growing up with energetic power to take place of the older generation, are inevitably the leading part of future society. They inherit the comprehension of the society from their predecessors and will generate the propelling power to the society. Therefore, whether they’ve got adequate knowledge or awareness of society determines to what an extent they can reshape the society, or in other words the destiny of society.
However, before we make the conclusion that we have not yet learned how to raise children to better the society which means we did badly in imparting knowledge and social experience, we’d better first have a glance at the present condition and trend of the society. As the consequence of children’s socialization, the societies in countries over the whole world are at large evolving—from primitive societies to slave societies and all the way long to the advanced stage at present while still moving on—which best suggests that we always have the ability to enable our children well socialized. As to the exact way, we have to consider from three aspects: families, educational institutions and the whole societal climate.
First, in terms of families, it is observed that economic conditions of most families are better than before and therefore enable children the access to more kinds of educational lessons which can develop the potential gifts of them. Meanwhile, as the proportion of literal parents is growing, more and more parents are now qualified as the "enlightening teacher".
Second, when referring to such educational institutions as schools offering universal or special education, we may notice that the delinquent children still have chances to get back on track. Teachers and educators are more responsible for the development of children.
Admittedly, the facilities of schools have been improved greatly and teachers are more considerate. They are required to make the student to be the first thing in their mind. All the improvement in our education system can suffice the task of raising our children better.

Turning last to the whole societal climate,
children have to be capable to express themselves and struggle when confronting with severe competition. Although the competition brings pressure to children, it is the pressure that boosts them to proceed. Or else, anyone of them who cannot realize the regulation of natural selection would fail and be wiped out by the society. Gladly, the abundant experience of civilization in the passed 5000 years has left children precious treasure. We have set up many successful examples for the next generation and believe that they can inherit through education. Maybe it’s sad for particular individuals and seemingly our deficiency in raising children, but the right way of society—as part of nature—to edify them.
In sum, we have the ability to cultivate children to be the promising ones who will better the society meanwhile we also have to admit certain teaching method need renewed to enable them be more creative except memorizing textbook knowledge and be more cooperative during teamwork. If we can find out more effective way to fix the weakness in the detailed teaching method, maybe the society can progress faster. (???)

ttstartUID: 2593649

占位， 改楼上的~

明天传上，断网的，不好意思

51、 "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
只有针对每个学生的需要和兴趣，教育才真正的有意义。

In my point of view, the primary aim of education is to enhance the ability to learn knowledge and promote individual socialization. On the other hand, education should also try to cultivate social elite and promote social development. General education can only achieve the first aim. However, to fit for the special needs of student is the important way to reach the other aim. Student-oriented education is the most effective way to help students learn.（作者这个开头挺新颖的，都是有用信息。 但总觉得是不是和作者的观点比对一下，我个人的观点还是比较保守的）

Experience tells us that the education now is traditional teacher-centered model, which provides general education to people with similar teaching methods, tends to meet the basic needs of being educated right. On behalf of the whole nation, we can not deny the progress and achievements of public education. Take China as an example, without teacher-centered education, we can not integrate the limited teaching and learning resources and cultivate almost every citizen. Thanks to the Nine-year compulsory education policy, as we all know, the illiterate rate has decreased enormously in the past 30 years. (这段其实是从反面论述的，但没有体现出这一点)

Nevertheless, children are willing to explore the world around them. It is the interest and curiosity that motivate children to study and explore. Each student differs in the respect what they may focus on, which leads to the different levels of desire to learn various subject, in turn, they will be adept in their own domains in which their talents are. But the unified education can not suffice the special interests of each student.（我觉得这句才是这段的观点句，提到开头比较好） What is meant by this is that if the traditional curriculum cannot refer to every aspect so that the talent will withdraw with the disappearance of interests. If so, our nation may lose a large number of potential scientists and leaders, （这句也算主题吧，在开头液体一下，区别于下一段）which can illustrate the inefficiency or even the failure of education.  

In addition, if some special interest can not be satisfied, children may fail to socialize, causing many other psychological and social problems.  To exemplify this, we can notice that some children are sensible to numbers and like to dig into certain math problems, but they usually do badly at literacy. Admittedly（这个词表让步，可是感觉逻辑不是让步）, there is usually stark gap between the gifted individual and his or her actual academic results because he or she has to learn some courses they are not interested in unwillingly. The poor accomplishments in other subjects may defeat the confidence especially when their parents cannot understand and scold them. In that way, children may finally lose their hearts to learn and complain about life. They sometimes feel frustrating or distress. They usually end with being drop by traditional school and idling in the street.  （觉得这段的论述不太贴近本段主题 Psychology and social problems,大倒是和上段的主题贴近）

In the final analysis, I concede the importance of general education on the condition that education should also fulfill the special needs of students as possible as much. High-qualified education must not only be designed to promote the whole culture level of the nation, but also pay attention to some special interests and let the children develop in body and mind. We should try our best to offer more interesting courses and offer autonomy to students as long as the quality of compulsory education is guaranteed. Only when the talent can develop by special curriculum, can the education achieve the goals of improve the whole nation culture level and foster the elites. That is the truly effective education.


恩~~作者的语言很流畅的说，也很清楚，思路也算清楚。
但觉得逻辑的衔接和恰当的论证还是差一些，一起加油吧！！

ttstartUID: 2593649

我的。。帮忙啦
题目：ISSUE63 - "To truly understand your own culture-no matter how you define it-requires personal knowledge of at least one other culture, one that is distinctly different from your own."

The speaker believes that only through a distinctly different culture we can truly understand our own culture. I concede that at sometimes observing our culture from another angle helps us learn deeper. However, I disagree with the assertion from two aspects: the first one is that it is necessary for us to learn another culture, the other one is based on my conclusion that there is no distinctly different in two kinds of culture.

To begin with, observing our culture from other points might help provide different angles and objective observation of our own. Before compared with the oriental ideas, especially the Chinese and Indian, the western people have found that their culture is relative exact logical to everything and extreme when come to the view of life and death. And then by comparing to other culture society, Chinese scholars found that China is always a country without really religions, the fact is the ultimate reason for the nation to accept varied kinds of ideas and become the only country which has been existing during the past five thousand years. All of these are the result of observe one's native culture by comparing and understand of other cultures.

However, my point of view is that it is not the only way for us to understand our own culture, which is against with the speaker's. Before thousands years ago there is no relationship between other countries and cultures, however, if we infer the history from the author's logic it was impossible for Aristotle in Greek and Confucius in China to become such great scholars who have the deepest understand of their culture that even no one in the modern world can compared with. Comparing with other cultures is just one of varied ways, such as observing the compatriots, reading historic books or even just living in the environment, to understand our culture. Moreover, I believe that the culture is rooted in every detail of a community's life and language, ever if one could not describe his own culture in accurate and abstract words, he can also do everything according to the cultural system which has been printed in his mind hand heart. Thus, most of the ordinary people in a certain community can understand their own culture at least in empirical ways.

As to my last view, I do not believe there two totally different cultures exist on the earth because the common natures spring from the soul of our human beings. No one would deny that existing culture is pursuing the value of virtue, beauty, and truth. There is also a compelling evidence, that all ways to call mother are same in any countries and cultures, to sustain that common emotions, such as motherhood, exist in every racial humans. Even if these principles and emotions are the common pursuits of human kind can not be proofed by science or even philosophy, most will agree that the principles are the foundation of a society and without them culture of a society will lose it basis to exist. Thus, I think it is unwarranted to assert that there are distinctly different cultures in our human society.

In conclusion, I fundamental disagree with the speaker. Comparing with other culture, through which our culture might be better understood, however, is not the only way for us to learn the native culture which blood in our mind. And distinctly cultures do not exist because the some root of human nature.

rolling713UID: 2550988

116# leslin
嗯，不好意思，今天上了一天课，今天晚上一定给您改好

已经改好了，在110#