零散版友作文互改大贴

chenxihao123UID??2547731

楼主啊帮帮忙啊别沉啊

ttstartUID??2593649

先占一层， 该91楼chenxihao 123的帖子，
先谢谢改的这么仔细，这几天没来这里看呢

Should faculty work outside the college and university in professions related to their academic field? In my view, I strongly agree with the speaker's assertion that they ought to have working experience to some extent(好像重申了两次作者观点，好像没必要) because it is undoubtedly beneficial for both the students and the faculty, but we should also take a cautious altitude towards it.

To begin with, as our technology develops quickly, the knowledge in the textbooks and imparted by faculty has lagged the contemporary society, the information contained in the courses can not sufficient reflect the changing demands in current life. After all, the objective of teaching is to apply the imparted academic knowledge to the reality we work in, without keeping abreast with the latest information about our academic field（是和reality world keeping abreast 吧？）, we can hardly solve problems effectively and efficiently. For example, if we apply the old regulations of architectures that we have learned in college which can not meet the previous demand for architectures to the buildings which need more serious restrictions in current, it will possibly lead to ineligible buildings which may be unsafe for humans to live in.

Moreover, working outside the academic world in professions relevant to their course can have at least two benefits.（这句是总领后两段的，是不是拿出来单独叙述比较好？） First, it will improve the faculty's understanding of the field they study in, and will undoubtedly make them more professional in their academic field, especially those whose fields pay more emphases on practical experience. Take my tutor for instance.(我不知到例子是不是可以这样主观的叙述，在北美范文里没见过呢~) He always imparted his practical experience in constructing buildings in his courses, which not only bring us a variety of latest information differs from the content of boring textbooks but rather earn him a specialist in the field he works in. Therefore, working outside the academic world can do a favor for the faculty to improve themselves in certain field.

The second benefit has to do with the students. Faculty who has worked outside in his academic profession can bring the students special insights from a more special perspective, which can stimulate student's interests for the field he/she study in and can even make them prepare themselves for the jobs earlier. Moreover, an experienced teacher can provide the students who care about their jobs more instructive advises and more fresh information. After all, faculty who do not have working experience can provide neither up-to -date nor accurate information to the students.（这段做好说是教授带给学生什么好处，而不是学生有什么好处，改个提法更扣题些）

However, we should also aware the fact that going too far is as bad as not going far enough, that is to say, faculty should work outside the college and university on the basis of paying enough time and attentions to their academic courses. Faculty who are attracted by the profits working outside therefore spend too much time on it can hardly have energy to impart knowledge well. Therefore we should call a balance between the academic instruction and the outside working.

In sum, faculty should acquire working experience in profession relevant to their academic fields, which is helpful not only to instructing their students but also elevating themselves. However, in order to guarantee the quality of their courses, they should also call a balance between their work and courses.（思路很清晰， 语言也不错的，学习~学习~）

ttstartUID??2593649

刚写的argue，有些是自己改的批注

In this argument, the arguer recommends that to open a jazz music club C Note in Monroe would no doubt make money. To sustain(sustain) the conclusion, the arguer cites the fact that the nearest jazz is far from the C location. In addition, the arguer try to persaude us people live in M extremely like jazz and they would like spend money on it by citing several events, one of them is a result of a nationwide study. At first blush, the argument appears to be somewhat convincing, however, from further logical perspectives, there are several flaws in it.(It suffers from several flaws).

To begin with, the fact that a great amount of people attended M's jazz festival, many jazz musicians live in M and a higt-rate of the "jazz Nightly" lend little support to the conclusion. Firstly, the arguer provide no evidence that the people attended M's jazz are the local residents. Perhaps, they are music enthusiast from some other far places. Sencondly(secondly), the arguer wrongly assume that the jazz musicians choose to live in M and also works in M. It is highly possible that the stars prefer a quite and remote place to live in order to separate their life and work, and if it is true there is no help for the development of jazz career in M. Thus, the two facts have little help to proof the conclusion that jazz is popular in M.

Besides, the result of nationwide study scant to proof the conclusion that people will spend a lot of money in jazz club. The arguer overlooks the scope of the study is nationwide, the result might not fit to M. Perhaps that M is a remote place and the GDP is far lower than the national leveal(level), or perhaps M is not esay(easy) affected by the popular events.  Moreover, the arguer wrongheaded ensures the jazz fan who spend a lot of money on jazz entertainment will use this sum of money in jazz club. They might prefer buy CDs to enjoy themselves alone, or buy some music instrument to play jazz as a entertainment. In any event, the study cited in this argument lends little support to the conclusion.

Even granting the residents in M real are addicted in jazz and they prefer to spend money in club, however, the arguer strongheaded assume that the local market will all to itself and the C Note will make money. Consider, to build a new jazz club, a great sum of money needed to devoted in to construct and advertise, the arguer provide no evidence that the model of C Note will help it function well. So it is highly possibility that the cost will overweight the income.

In sum, the arguer failed to sustain the conclusion that the C Note will make money without doubt. To better justified it, the arguer would have no choice but to provide more evidence that the residents in M would like to devote money in jazz club and ensure the function and model of C Note is reasonable and help to profit.

sagilarUID??2475977

现在在研究issue,ttstart 的A我现在改不了呢~
现在先发下自己的issue175 ， 楼下要书有发issues的我来改可以吗？ 先谢谢大家了~  请指正

Issue 175
"It is always an individual who is the impetus for innovation; the details may be worked out by a team, but true innovation results from the enterprise and unique perception of an individual."

The author asserts that the true innovation comes from individual ability and insights, which just the impetus for innovation. At the first glance, this opinion seems somewhat real, but the further thoughts reflect the idea is not the truth, I disagree with the speaker over look the team's role for real innovation in today's world.

In some case, I consider the individual perception and insight view is significant for innovation when comes to economical area. The special man's idea and inspiration is just the impetus for the company's innovation in the production progress, service market, even the management strategies. The notable example is the Sergry Brin, one of the founders of the Google Company, who brings the new searcher engine and online advertising technology strategy. His insight view make the Google has the important statute in the internet market and bring himself thousands of money. But we have to think one question: what is the real innovation's means? It is that just the visionary marching order of the founder man or the chief executive? I consider the answer is say no. In my opinion, the real innovation is not just the individual inspiration and insight, but also the application of the visionary innovation. Without the cooperation of other subordinates, I think there is no the complement story of Google.

In my point of view, I suggest that the speaker give us a narrow and distort understanding of innovation. There is no inconsistent between the individual and team workers' innovation. For example, before the chief executive's final strategy, there used to be a team conference named Brainstorming, which everybody can send his perception and view to the other team workers, whose brain is also stimulated by the exchanged idea and information, served as the stir to the innovation.  
It's wise way to synthesizing the view of the team numbers. And the final decision will be benefit both the individual and the company.

Furthermore, in today's complex society and huge market, the individual takes only small portion of the task. The practice of the innovation is a long and complex progress. Take the production of a high technology company for example, the innovation’s application involve the science's research, the producer’s production, the market's report, even the entailer's sell strategy. The success of the innovation needs all the team work together for the same goal, interchange their useful information and meet the time line, all the respects result the innovation's process. In today's society, it's difficult for just one person put a new idea into practice, even the real significant innovation.

Finally, we can notice that the speaker overlooks the individual role on the innovation and the practice of innovation. The individual's charge is smaller and smaller in a whole task. Only through the synthesis way and team works, can achieve the real innovation's becoming.

icexellossUID??2516711

占楼改94楼的A

icexellossUID??2516711

ISSUE177 - "The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes."

The study of academic disciplines, as I seeit, changes our ways of perceiving and understanding the world to a largeextent by different ways. Academic disciplines deal with how to see through thesurface of world, to its inside meaning. The method, the process as well as theresult of such study will undoubtedly change the world in our eyes.

The method, or the way of observing theworld bring us a new perspective of seeing the world. In our childhood, weobserve the world with our eyes, and we cannot perceive the some parts of theworld because of our physical limits. We are unable to see the light whoselength is longer than red light or shorter than violet light. We are unablehear infrasonic waves and ultrasonic waves. Also, we are unable to perceive themicrobe around us. In the study of academic disciplines, however, these thingsare no longer invisible to us due to the different ways we observe them-throughvarious equipments and instruments. Microscopes make it possible to us to seethe microbe, and thus inform us that creatures consist of not only animals andplants but also of the hundreds of thousands of microbe in the world. Telescopesmake it possible to us to see the massive universe, and inform us that theearth, is just one of the eight planets in the solar system, and the solarsystem itself is just one of the numerous star systems. Though these instruments,we understand that the world we see with our eyes is just a small part of whatit truly is.

The process of studying such academicdisciplines brings us another perspective of seeing it. In the process ofstudying these academic disciplines, the laws of the world become clearer to usand once have understood them, we can see the inherent charters of certain things.Lottery is a typical example to illustrate this point. People like to play lottery,but before studying such disciplines, we do not see it clear enough. We allknow that everyone has a little chance of winning a huge amount of money byplaying it. However, the probability theory tells us that no matter which of usis the lucky dog, the seller will always win because the price of every pieceof lottery is well calculated to guarantee his profits. Moreover, though thestudy of psychology, we know that even people know that most of them will lose,still they will buy the lottery because this is the only chance for someone tobe rich and thus they are willing to exchange some of their properties,sometimes even a large part of it, for such a chance. Psychology tells us thishuman nature. We no longer view lottery only as something fun but somethingmore inherent as mentioned above and the process of studying academicdisciplines enable us to do that.

Lastly, the result of studying academicdisciplines also changes the way we perceive the world. Such studying, mostlyresult in shaping one's thoughts and the how we see the world is therefore alsoinfluenced. One the professor teaching programming once said in the class(and Iparaphrase),"In the eyes of a experienced programmer, everything in theworld can be viewed as a program-that is not to say that they are constant and unchangeable,but that they are neat and well organized as a program. For instance, a companycan be viewed as a program. A company consists of many different departmentsthat are doing their distinct jobs, and that's just like that a programconsists of modules that also have their own functions. If the departments inthe company are not well designed, maybe some work is done by severaldepartments and some is done by none and thus causes troubles to the company,just as unreasonable design of the modules will cause a failure of theprogram." Similarly, in the eyes of a economist, activities in the worldcan be regarded as economic activities, explained by the relationship betweensupport and demand. Clearly, studying of different discipline brings usdifferent views of the world.

In sum, the study of academic disciplinegreatly influences our ways of perceiving the world, thought the world itselfis the same as before. The method, the process and the result all play aimportant role in the procedure.

icexellossUID??2516711

94楼ttstart同学的A的修改：

In this argument, the arguer recommends that to open a jazz music club C Note in Monroe would no doubt make money. To sustain(sustain) the conclusion, the arguer cites the fact that the nearest jazz is far from the C location. In addition, the arguer try to persaude us people live in M extremely like jazz and they would like spend money on it by citing several events, one of them is a result of a nationwide study. At first blush, the argument appears to be somewhat convincing, however, from further logical perspectives, there are several flaws in it.(It suffers from several flaws).

To begin with, the fact that a great amount of people attended M's jazz festival, many jazz musicians live in M and a higt-rate of the "jazz Nightly" lend little support to the conclusion. Firstly, the arguer provide no evidence that the people attended M's jazz are the local residents.(这里我觉得改成 Common sense informs that many music enthusiast often attend some famous music festivals hold in other cities, especially when the holding place is not far away from where they live.Thus, many addendences to the famous Jazz festival in M may have come from towns and cities near M.这样更cogent). Perhaps, they are music enthusiast from some other far places. Sencondly(secondly), the arguer wrongly assume that the jazz musicians choose to live in M and also works in M. It is highly possible that the stars prefer a quite and remote place to live in order to separate their life and work, and if it is true there is no help for the development of jazz career in M（这个反例我也感觉不是很cogent，我感觉你的意思是musican只有工作在M才能支撑M的人喜欢Jazz,文中的意思是musican住在M可以说明M的人喜欢Jazz,但是我觉得好像这两点都不对，你只是提出了另外一个逻辑而没有反驳作者的逻辑）. Thus, the two facts have little help to proof the conclusion that jazz is popular in M.（Jazz Nightly呢？）

Besides, the result of nationwide study scant to proof the conclusion that people will spend a lot of money in jazz club. The arguer overlooks the scope of the study is nationwide, the result might not fit to M. Perhaps that M is a remote place and the GDP is far lower than the national leveal(level),（感觉应该加上reasonning, 比如and thus though the local jazz fans might probably speed much less money than represented in the nationwide study） or perhaps M is not esay(easy) affected by the popular events.(如果你上段说作者没有证明M的人喜欢Jazz，那么这段就不该继续论证这点了，而你提到的M is not esay(easy) affected by the popular events感觉还是在说M的人不喜欢Jazz，还是你的popular events是指club?反正感觉这句话说的不清楚)  Moreover, the arguer wrongheaded ensures the jazz fan who spend a lot of money on jazz entertainment will use this sum of money in jazz club. They might prefer buy CDs to enjoy themselves alone, or buy some music instrument to play jazz as a entertainment.（这点很cogent） In any event, the study cited in this argument lends little support to the conclusion.

Even granting the residents in M real are addicted in jazz and they prefer to spend money in club, however, the arguer strongheaded assume that the local market will all to itself and the C Note will make money. Consider, to build a new jazz club, a great sum of money needed to devoted in to construct and advertise, the arguer provide no evidence that the model of C Note will help it function well. So it is highly possibility that the cost will overweight the income.(这段我感觉还能提出一个很好的反驳就是作者没有说没有别人正在筹划在M盖jazz club,说不定已经有人在盖一所很好的jazz club了，说以作者不能证明他们的club能大受欢迎因为可能面临未来的竞争，还有就是这段的论述我觉得可以更加cogent,比如可以说这个公司可以没有任何盖jazz club的经验等等，感觉要比a great sum of money等等更有说服力)

In sum, the arguer failed to sustain the conclusion that the C Note will make money without doubt. To better justified it, the arguer would have no choice but to provide more evidence that the residents in M would like to devote money in jazz club and ensure the function and model of C Note is reasonable and help to profit.

语言方面我也比较弱，不能帮你改什么了。大概就是这样吧，开头结尾我也没怎么改。

sagilarUID??2475977

哇塞 这么高难度的题目， 我先占着给你看看哈，改的不好的话不要见怪 呵呵  改 97楼的

The study of academic disciplines, as I seeit( see it 不知道考试的时候对于空格是怎么判的？文章有多出的空格没有空，不知道是编辑的问题，还是写的时候没有注意 )changes our ways of perceiving and understanding the world to a
large extent （large extent）by different ways. Academic disciplines deal with how to see through thes urface
of world, to its inside meaning. The method, the process as well as the result
of such study will undoubtedly change the world in our eyes.
重复的题目的观点，标明了自己的立场，标明了academsic discipline 可以改变人们对事物的表面看法——去看事情的实质

The method, or the way of observing
the world brings us a new perspective of seeing the world. In our childhood, (觉得不应该说是孩子的时代，应该是 In the old times )we observed the world with our eyes, and we cannot perceive
the some parts of the world because of our physical limits. We are unable to see the light whose length is longer than red light or shorter than violet light. We are
unable hear infrasonic waves and ultrasonic waves. Also, we are unable to perceive the microbe around us. In the study of academic disciplines, however, these things are no longer invisible to us due to the different ways we observe them-through various equipments and instruments. Microscopes make it possible for us to see the microbe, and thus inform
us that creatures consist of not only animals and plants but also of the hundreds of thousands of microbe in the world. Telescopes make it possible for us to see （两句都用了同样句式，给人重复之感）the massive universe, and inform us that the earth, is just one of the eight planets in the solar system, and the solar system itself is just one of the numerous star systems. Though these instruments( 不仅仅是因为高级仪器的使用，而且是因为学科的进步Though these instruments and well development of the astronomy ), we understand that the world we see with our eyes is just a small part of what it truly is.
从物理角度，说明了通过科学的视野可以开发人们的未知和对世界的看法

The process of studying such academic disciplines brings us another perspective of seeing it（another observation and perception ways of the behaves）. In the process of studying these academic disciplines, the laws of the world become clearer to us and once have understood them, we can see the inherent charters of certain things（inside the things）. Lottery is a typical example to illustrate this point. People like to play lottery, but before studying such disciplines, we do not see it clear enough. We all know that everyone has a little chance of winning a huge amount of money by playing it. It seems that never the less there will be a luck dog take all the money to home.(加一句：)) However, the probability theory tells us that no matter which of us is the lucky dog, the seller will always win because the price of every piece of lottery is well calculated to guarantee his profits. Moreover, though the study of psychology, we know that even people know that most of them will lose, still they will buy the lottery because this is the only chance for someone to be rich and thus they are willing to exchange some of their properties, sometimes even a large part of it, for such a chance. With the fasting growth subject, the Psychology tells us this behaves comes from the human nature.（这句可以深入点，什么人性something like the lazy habits, such as the potential desire to gain the fortune by a easily way， 心里学是怎么看待彩票这件事情的，和之前人们仅仅是认为可以偶然的发大财有什么的不同） We no longer view lottery only as something fun but something more inherent as mentioned above and the process of studying academic disciplines enable us to do that.
从心里学的背景来说明对一件事情（彩票）的深入理解

Lastly, the result of studying academic disciplines also changes the way we perceive the world.
The academic disciplines studying in a special program make we can not only accept the professional acknowledge but also the way to see the complex society. (加一句哈~)Such studying, mostly result in shaping one's thoughts and the how we see the world is therefore also influenced. One the professor teaching programming once said in the class(and paraphrase),"In the eyes of a experienced programmer, everything in the world can be viewed as a program-that is not to say that they are constant and unchangeable, but that they are neat and well organized as a program. For instance, a company can be viewed as a program. A company consists of many different departments that are doing their distinct jobs, and that's just like that a program consists of modules that also have their own functions. If the departments in the company are not well designed, something likes maybe some work is done by several departments and some is done by none and thus causes troubles to the company, just as unreasonable design of the modules will cause a failure of the organism." Similarly, in the eyes of an economist, activities in the world can be regarded as economic activities, explained by the relationship between support and demand. Clearly, studying of different discipline brings us different views of the world.
从方法论来说明学科的学习不仅仅是学习只是，还有对事物的认知方式,但是文章没有写之前人们是怎么样认识世界的，只是说可以用题目所说的program 的方式来认识

In sum, with the further and connects development of varies of academics discipline, we can change and enhance our older way’s of observation, perception and consideration of the outsider and insider world, beside the renewed science acknowledge. The study of academic discipline give us a good opportunity of perceiving the world, thought the world itself the same as before.
最后一段改了点，不好的话见谅哈



如果没有排版的错误的话我觉得：
好的地方：
1.我写的时候有很多的拼写错误，看你几乎没有，说明你的拼写水平是很好的
2.每段都有例子来支撑自己的论点，我看的很明白，考试的老师也会看的明白的
3.句子的过渡，段落的过渡我都有读到
有问题的地方：
1.
注意你拼写的空格，蓝色的字都是没有空格的地方
2.
对于每段都独立成段的文章我不知道具体的考试分数的判断，但是看见有的资深评论还是建议文章每段之间最好有内容的连贯和过渡性，最好可以互相的辉映和证明（呵呵，估计是6分作文的要求，）
你也就一听哈，觉得写的很好了，呵呵 加油哦~
以后有机会也帮我看看作文吧，先谢谢了~

leslinUID??2571497

占位改95#的I

leslinUID??2571497

Issue

82.”Government should never censor the artistic works or historical displays that a museum wishes to exhibit.”

Word: 506
Time: 46min

According to the speaker’s view, government do not have the right to filter the works of arts and historical displays exhibiting in museums. Honestly, art and history should not be interfered too much to remain its integrality. If art is modified regardless of artists’ wishes, they will lose the attraction of originality. But on the other hand, to make such a assertion is also imprudent. It can be foreseen that there may come uncontrolled or even disastrous results without any restraints on art. So in my personal opinion, government should bridle those artistic works and historical displays in certain level.

In many cases, art can be regarded as an independent part of the society so that it cannot involved too much outside interferences. Art works are pieces of imagination and enthusiasm created by artists. They may contain a deluge of internal emotions which couldn’t be recognized in our daily life such as the fierce love or abhorrence to some specific events. For example, during World War Two, there emerged a famous and striking work by Picasso called “Guernica”, which described the massacre in Guernica, Spain. In this painting, the author strongly expressed his abomination and condemnation to the invaders. This kind of emotion can be hardly explicated through words or any other oral expressions but only by art. Imagine if government of Spain censored this work and prohibited, or even garbled it, the work will no longer be the work itself. As a result, emotions of people will be suppressed which will do harm to the society’s spirit.

However, while we respect the art and history from the bottom of our hearts, we must acknowledge that government need to put restriction on these two items not for impart but for harmony. There are two principles that government has to stick to: neither too radical works nor harmful or anti-humanity thoughts.

As we can see in our everyday life, many countries hold a system or a policy called “Archive Secret”, which conveys that certain data need to be closed to the public until experts estimated that comments of those documents will not cause commotions in society now. It can be easily found that most people in a temporary social circumstances cannot understand some policies or inner meaning of some works. Because of that, people may fight against governments or even destroy them.

Another aspect is to forbid the anti-world thoughts of works. It can be seen clearly that the spread of anti-world thoughts will cause great disasters and bring chaos to the people all over the world. What German government do to Nazism is a good instance. In order to prevent Nazism from resurrection, spreading and destructing again, the government of Germany abolishes all events that promote Nazism, including arts, parties, advertisements and television programs. It is a must to protect human beings from radical and furious thoughts.

In summary, whether to censor artistic works and historical displays is based on particular conditions. It is always right to take specific action to specific matter in solving problems.

leslinUID??2571497

"It is always an individual who is the impetus for innovation; the details may be worked out by a team, but true innovation results from the enterprise and unique perception of an individual."

The author asserts that the true innovation comes from individual ability and insights, which [is] just the impetus for innovation. At the first glance, this opinion seems somewhat real, but the further thoughts reflect the idea is not the truth, I disagree with the speaker over look[for overlooking] the team's role for real innovation in today's world.

In some case, I consider the individual perception and insight view is significant for innovation when comes to economical area. The special man's idea and inspiration is just the impetus for the company's innovation in the production progress, service market, even the management strategies. The notable example is the Sergry Brin, one of the founders of the Google Company, who brings the new searcher engine and online advertising technology strategy. His insight view[views] make the Google has the important statute in the internet market and bring himself thousands of[感觉总有点不对劲，用这个吧：a deluge of] money. But we have to think one question: what is the real innovation's means? It is that just the visionary marching order of the founder man or the chief executive? I consider the answer is say[删] no. In my opinion, the real innovation is not just the individual inspiration and insight, but also the application of the visionary innovation.[感觉这里逻辑有点问题：“不仅...而且...”应该表递进，你应该是想表达不只是个人，更是集体力量的意思，后面这个application of visionary innovation好像有点不太切] Without the cooperation of other subordinates, I think there is no the complement story of Google.

In my point of view,[和上面的in my opinion有点重复，用这个吧：Just as what I considered above] I suggest that the speaker give us a narrow and distort understanding of innovation.[感觉这句就显得多余了，应该直接阐述自己的观点呢] There is no inconsistent[inconsistence] between the individual and team workers' innovation. For example, before the chief executive's final strategy, there used to be a team conference named Brainstorming, which everybody can send[convey更好一些] his perception and view to the other team workers, whose brain is also stimulated by the exchanged idea and information, served as the stir to the innovation.  It's wise way to synthesizing the view of the team numbers[members]. And the final decision will be[删] benefit both the individual and the company.[这里感觉应该强调合作形成的创新比个人的创新更佳，与开头你的思想呼应]

Furthermore, in today's complex society and huge market, the individual takes only small portion of the task. The practice of the innovation is a long and complex progress. Take the production of a high technology company for example, the innovation’s application involve[involves] the science's research, the producer’s production, the market's report, even the entailer's[retailers'] sell strategy. The success of the innovation needs all the team work together for the same goal, interchange[interchanging] their useful information and meet[meeting] the time line, all the respects result the innovation's process. In today's society, it's difficult for just one person put a new idea into practice, even the real significant innovation.[你应该是想说：讲一个想法付诸实施很困难，更何况一个重要发明。那么应该把a new idea和real significant innovation掉个个]

Finally, we can notice that the speaker overlooks[应该是过高估计，不是忽视，应该用：overestimates] the individual role on the innovation and the practice of innovation. The individual's charge is smaller and smaller in a whole task. Only through the synthesis way and team works, can achieve the real innovation's becoming.

优点：
思路很清晰，每段都很切观点
例子用的很恰当，而且例子的回转也很棒

不足：
段首段尾应该更清晰地表达段意，不要有过多的东西，当然应该有过渡句
有些词用的有点问题，尤其是混用
转折让步词用的有些混乱

望再接再厉哦！（回拍就拜托了0_0）

ttstartUID??2593649

这里这么热闹了啊
占着，改101楼I82

ttstartUID??2593649

这里这么热闹了啊
占着，改101楼I82

Issue

82.”Government should never censor the artistic works or historical displays that a museum wishes to exhibit.”

Word: 506
Time: 46min

According to the speaker’s view, government do(does) not have the right to filter the works of arts and historical displays exhibiting in museums. Honestly, art and history should not be interfered too much to remain its integrality（感觉这句有点歧义）. If art is modified regardless of artists’ wishes, they will lose the attraction of originality. But on the other hand, to make such a assertion is also imprudent（是不是改成making such assertion is also imprudent 顺一点？）. It can be foreseen that there may come uncontrolled or even disastrous results without any restraints on art. So in my personal opinion, government should bridle those artistic works and historical displays in certain level.

In many cases, art can be regarded as an independent part of the society so that it cannot involved (be involved in) too much outside interferences. Art works are pieces of imagination and enthusiasm created by artists. They may contain a deluge of internal emotions which couldn’t be recognized in our daily life such as the fierce love or abhorrence to some specific events. For example, during World War Two, there emerged a famous and striking work by Picasso called “Guernica”, which described the massacre in Guernica, Spain. In this painting, the author strongly expressed his abomination and condemnation to the invaders. This kind of emotion can be hardly explicated through words or any other oral expressions but only by art. Imagine if government of Spain censored this work and prohibited, or even garbled it, the work will no longer be the work itself. As a result, emotions of people will be suppressed which will do harm to the society’s spirit. (感觉例子不太恰当，那幅画是说German侵略Spain的，Spain government 不会禁的，而且和北美范文一个和艺术有关的文章例子同，不知道可不可以)

However, while we respect（进行时吧？） the art and history from the bottom of our hearts, we must acknowledge that government need to put restriction on these two items not for impart but for harmony. There are two principles that government has to stick to: neither too radical works nor harmful or anti-humanity thoughts. （这段语言再修饰下吧，感觉意思不太明确）

As we can see in our everyday life, many countries hold a system or a policy called “Archive Secret”, which conveys that certain data need to be closed to the public until experts estimated that comments of those documents will not cause commotions in society now. It can be easily found that most people in a temporary social circumstances cannot understand some policies or inner meaning of some works. Because of that, people may fight against governments or even destroy them. （这个和艺术的关联不大吧？也不太明白作者想论述什么。。。）

Another aspect is to forbid the anti-world thoughts of works. It can be seen clearly that the spread of anti-world thoughts will cause great disasters and bring chaos to the people all over the world. What German government do to Nazism is a good instance. In order to prevent Nazism from resurrection, spreading and destructing again, the government of Germany abolishes all events that promote Nazism, including arts, parties, advertisements and television programs. It is a must to protect human beings from radical and furious thoughts.（恩~这段只在最后提到了艺术，在用词上强调艺术一下，不然不太扣题，纳粹的例子不太恰当，可是是纳粹时的伪艺术。。。）

In summary, whether to censor artistic works and historical displays is based on particular conditions. It is always right to take specific action to specific matter in solving problems.（再稍微长点吧~）

看的出作者的思路还是挺清楚的，但是在叙述方式和例子选择上给人不太扣题的感觉，要多注意下啊。
可能是计时写作，有些复杂语句会有语法错误，感觉表意不明。 还是在段首把观点说的明确些好.
不过我的水平不怎么样，作为参考意见吧^_^

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Issue 51
"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."只有针对每个学生的需要和兴趣,教育才真正的有意义。
下面有些是自查的错误，先谢谢了^_^

I fundamentally agree with the conclusion that the government should preserve publicly owned wideness areas, however, whether the areas needed to be maintained in aboriginality should depend on the specific situation of the area. Howbeit I do not approve the latter assertion that only a few people would arrive there because it is not accords with the changing rapidly world and the phenomenon that urban expansion, even though some areas are indeed remote.

There are three fundamental arguments for imposing the government to protect the diminishing wildness areas. The first has to do with the culpability and the responsibility. To the extent that the excessive anthropogenic events have seriously affected the dedicate balance of the natural environment and intricate matrix of the interdependent relationships between wild species, we humans have the duty to take affirmative actions, especiallty through the government that the most powerful organization, to protect the few existed wildness areas. The second one is appeal to the self-preservation. Since the global environment is in dedicate balance as discussed above, the diminishing and disappear of wildness areas can set into motion a serises(series) of species exstinctions(extinctions) and the balance destruction of other areas, and ultimately endanger the survivel(survival) of our human beings. The third argument comes to the rich and abundant resources in the wildness areas, which has a significant meaning for researchers of biology and ecology Researchers are likely to continue to seek the answer of the origination and evolution of life, which has inestimable significance not only on the biological technology but also the ultimate question of life.

Moreover the government should take the reasonable and appropriate action to certain wildness place. For example, it is ture(true) that we should keep the natural state of evergland(everglade), forest and tropical rainforest. However, when it comes to other areas such as Sahara where should be improved rather than remained in natural state. The expansion of Sahara largely caused by human activities and if we leave aside the problems or just keep it on the harsh desert will threathen(threaten) our survival.

However the speaker's latter assertion that wildness areas are so remote that merely people would arrive which contrast with the facts that rapidly expanding areas and scope of human activities. Humankind have never stop the step of exploring new habitat, especially at today's time that population rapidly growing, resources being depleted and techology(technology) developing at a speed that no one can image. There are several plans regards to explore and even move to mars, let alone the wildness areas on the touchable earth. As a result it is actually a harsh and difficult task for the government to protect the natural areas, and on the other hand, we can also infer from the urgent and harsh global situation that remain of wildness area might also have some unknowable values on a economic self-interest level.

In sum, I agree that the government should take action to prectect(protect) the wildness areas based on specific circumstances and analyze case-by-case in the respects that responsibility of environmental protection, human beings' self-preservation and sciencific(scientific) value of the natural resources. In addition, as the expanding of human activities area, there might be unknown value about the significant already measure.

24
The following appeared in a memo from the president of Viva-Tech, a manufacturer of high-tech medical equipment.

“In order to reduce costs, we should close some of our existing small assembly plants and build a large central plant. Grandview would be an ideal location for this new plant. First, of the locations that we have considered, Grandview has the largest adult population, so that we will be able to staff our plant quickly and easily. Second, since the average wage earned by workers in Grandview is less than that in the other locations, we should be able to keep production costs low. Last, as an inducement for us to build there, Grandview’s town council has offered to allow us to operate for the first three years without paying city taxes.”

The argument recommends that Viva-Tech should build a large central plant, at Grandview, in ordor(order) to reduce costs. To sustain the conclusion, the arguer try to illustrate that it is easily to staff the plant and the prodution(production) costs will low in G, what's more the local council has promise the new plant need not to pay the city taxes in three years. At first blush, the arguer appears somewhat convincing, however, from further logic perspective I can find it suffers from several logical flaws.

To begin with, the auther(arguer) provide no evidence to illustrate that changing the small assembly plants into a unite one can reduce the cost, because at sometimes the small plant can be more flexible to the market, and the cost of the place and workers might more cheaper than a large one. Moreover, to finish the restruction(restructuring) it is also need a lot of invest and whether the reduced cost is larger than the invest is worthy to consider.

Granting such a measure can really reduce the cost, however the arguer wrongheaded assume that because G has the largest adult population, it will be quick and easy to staff their plant. The arguer ignore the possibility that the adults in G have got little education, or they are mostly old people. If it is true, the number of the adult will help little for the new plants. Or perhaps, most of the adults work out of G and only live here because the low cost for living in G. At any event, the fact lends little support for the conclusion.


Next, The arguer also has the naive idea that the production costs only desided(decided) by the average wage of the workers. There are many other factors such as transportation and the supply of material. Perhaps, the G is a remote town and there is no mature means of transportation, so it will be hard for the new plant to transport in material and out their productions. Or perhaps, there is no industrial base in town, and it will hard for the plant to buy materials and get a further development.

And then, although the G's town council has promised cut the city tax in three years. However, it is highly possible that the local city taxes is only a little part compared with the national taxes or the taxes pay for the environmental protection. If it is so, the measure will help a lot. Even the measure really has it function to the new plants, however, the arguer gives no information about other towns to compare with. There might some other places are better than G. And then, no evidence can proof that the new plant can profit in three years , so it must be considered whether the invest is worth the money saved.

In sum, the arguer fails to sustain his conclusion. To make the argument more convincing and sound, the arguer has no choice but provide more evidences to proof that building such a large central plant indeed can help to cut the costs and more information(不可数) about G and other places to illustrate G is the best location for the plant.

发了两篇，因为没有可改的了,等有了，再补改一篇^ ^

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不要沉了啊