0906G Fight 4月同心砥砺冲刺组Issue224--7witchyaya

witchyayaUID：2494651

第一篇，写得太慢了。。
耽搁的ARGUMENT也没时间了，一会加班写吧。。

Issue224 “Censorship is rarely, if ever, justified.”

Censorship, as a method of management, has been utilized in various fields. It is no doubt that it acts as a way of supervision in whichever organization or institution. In order to achieve a prospective result, the censors being representative of benefit agents must have been utilizing different rationales. Whether certain censorship system justified or not should, in my opinion, be estimated by its rationale of censoring and the prospect it aims at and, above all, its real-life practice and effect. To clarify my viewpoint, I will compare the beneficial censorships with the controversial ones in the following paragraphs.

The occurrence of melamine case, I believe, must have been a haunting lesson warning not only Chinese but people all over the world pay much more attention on the security of food. In retrospect, if more rigid censorship and administration system have been put into practice, those sympathizing infants would not have suffered so much. Learned from this disastrous lesson and under ever intensive supervision, the censorship has become much more prudent and careful which is obviously more beneficial and justified than before.

As the age of staring to get online is smaller and smaller, the moral censoring to the content on the webpage becomes more and more important. Through moral censorship, the censors appointed by related responsible government administration would remove words and pictures they deem to be obscene or otherwise morally questionable. Pornography, for instance, has caused many teenage crimes, and therefore, is censored in most jurisdictions all around the world. Such censorship system as the moral censorship is definitely a justified and beneficial wherever it is used.

Apart from the two mentioned examples, there are many other kinds of successful and justified censorship such as the censorship of medicine security, the film-rating system etc. However, no all of censorship systems are so encouraging and optimistic.

One persuasive example I would like to cite here is some religious censorship in human history. In order to protect and maintain its authority, Copernicus and Bruno insisting on their common belief, the heliocentric theory, were censored and viewed as the pagans and forced to violate their belief, which turned out much more close to the truth later. Such censorship based on the organization’s private governing intention shall never be justified. Similar situation exists in some institution or organization of modern society as well. The media censorship in some country removed and canceled some information intentionally for some political reasons, which in wide rage is unjustified under the terminal pursuit of freedom, but apparently unavoidable in present so as to realize certain management.

To sum up, censorship itself, as one of the management methods is a essential part of any administration system. Reasonable and judged censorship will bring a lot of benefits to both the organization it exists for and the people the organization serves and supervises. In reality from past to today, censorship, justified and unjustified, exist commonly. However, as civilization develops, I believe, unjustified censorship will be gradually replaced by those more reasonable ones.

irvine666UID：2575525

1# witchyaya

In the above proposal, through the analysis and summary of the economic progress of its neighbour, the country of Bellegea (B), the economic minister of Paraterra (P) suggested to promote ecotourism so as to achieve the goal increasing per capita income and preserving the natural environment as well. Although the whole reasoning is well-presented, several obvious logical flaws exist and argue against the proposal of Paraterran’s economic minister.

To begin with, even if B and P are in neighborhood（上来就让步？这个是事实吧，不需要你去承认）, as no evidence（还是有一些evidence的，第一段应该立足于讨论argu给的evidence是否合理，然后再说没有证据证明其他方面...） in the proposal has been provided, they might have very completely different industrial structures, which then decided the two neighbors have to carry out personalized development strategies respectively. That is, it is possible that promoting tourism is helpful in boost B’s economy while does not work at all in the country of P whose pillar industry（argu只说了目的是增加收入，不管ecotourism是否支柱产业，如果发展它能增加income,那投入有何不可？） might not be tourism but other directions such as agriculture, mining and so forth. Under such circumstance spending on advertising campaign would certainly not a wise decision.（这段的立足点有很大的问题，如果这段话也是argu的话，我也能够批出好几点来：1.产业结构如何和增收完全是两回事，可以发展eco来调整，2.eco是不是支柱产业，都不影响到发展它来增加personal income.）

Secondly, no evidence has been provided to support the claim that it is the advertising campaign that directly and remarkably（argu说的是打广告战从而宣传eco,所以来eco的人多了，收入也增加了，这个自然是间接影响了，你后面也提到：rather than ecotourism，那么directly从何谈起？） resulted in the increase of the number of foreign visitors and subsequent rising income level in B. It is possible that those visitors might not have been attracted by other projects or policies（是哪些？） rather than ecotourism in the country. Or in other words, they might be in a business trip or visit the country with other purposes. 这段说的是人流增加的问题，然而作者显然没有论述清楚，仅仅是两个干巴巴的可能性么?那以这个逻辑岂不是可以反对全世界了...

Besides, the author falsely assumed that last year’s advertising campaign can still influence this year’s tourism performance（这里不对，应该是错误的假设今年还能复制去年的成功经验）. Since there is no material statistics about the economy performance of B offered above, the influence and effectiveness of the advertisement strategy can not be evaluated objectively during both last year and this. It is likely that the campaign might have little use in promoting tourism last year（argu也没提到过任何广告战的花费问题，这个问题也不会和argu的目的有关。）, while due to other reasons such as comprehensive economic revival etc., situations in many aspects have been recovering and boosting.

Finally, even though P decided to（这个去掉） exert the policy of promoting ecotourism through advertisement, the minister should not imprudently draw such a conclusion that hiring the current director of Bellegea's National Tourism Office as a consultant is able to ensure its success. As is wildly believed, cases under different circumstances require different solutions scenarios.（整个这一段，说理的就这么一句，完全没有说服力） The tourism director of B might make a wrong decision since he might have little knowledge of the real situation of the country P.

In sum, in order to make a more wise and appropriate strategy to boost P’s economy, more prudent and comprehensive consideration based on material statistics is needed here. For example, the minister should at first compare the economy structures of two countries and decide whether he can use his neighbour’s case for reference.

总的来说，句子基本无语法错误，而且还算流畅，然而作者的逻辑问题还很严重，说理也很不清楚，各种问题的关键找的也不是很好，建议多练习下逻辑思维，尤其是上下文之间的逻辑联系。

irvine666UID：2575525

恩，这个是你的argu,我又发错了...