TOEFL集结号 暑期集中突破小组

文赋UID: 2611067

ID: 文赋
考试时间：9月～10月之间某次吧
考试地点：北京二环内某考场，不和海淀的狂人们抢位子
备考日志：https://bbs.gter.net/thread-979036-1-1.html
QQ:75524774
貌似13楼的被人改了，14楼的某着急，我明天帮你看吧，今天这篇我看了一小时才搞定。。。。。汗。。。。。
下面是我今天写的一个：
2008-1-5 Intelligent friends or humor friends?

Friends are of vital importance to a person's life. But what is more important quality of a good friends? Intelligent person can give us some good advice and humor one can make us really laugh. Some people prefer to make intelligent friends, and others like to associate with humor people. However, I believe intelligence and humor defy comparison for both of them are two integral aspects of friends. Actually, we should make friends with smart one, as well as funny man.

On the one hand, intelligent or smart friends are real blessings of our lives. Confucius, the greatest philosopher in ancient China, commented," There are three kind of good friends, a honest friend, a kind heart friend and a friend with plenty of knowledge." An intelligent friend can help us with lives, and give some good advice. To be honest, almost all of my friends agree with that I am a smart and erudite person, and that is the very reason, which lead them to be my friends. When they have a problem with computers or other stupid IT devices, they would like come to me at first. And I am feeling great, not only to help my friends fix problems, but also to change information and ideas about science and technology with them at the same time. With my help and advice, many of my friends can purchase a satisfactory Notebook computer or digital camera.

On the other hand, funny friends are also play an important role in our lives. Daily routines of studies and works are always monotonous and unanimated. We badly need someone like one of my college roommates, who is a total joke generator. We even cannot help to go to sleep every night, unless he tell us a funny story or mimic the popular Hong Kong comedian Jackson Chow's classic plot and put some new actions invented by himself. As a result, he has become a star of our school, and everyone wants to be his friends. And I believe this ability is a asset for him, others, like me could never have the chance to acquire it. Is it a cheering thing to have such kind of friends?

Intelligent and humor friends are equally important for our lives. When we in some troubles or need help and advices, smart and erudite friends is the person we want to meet, and when we feel blue or something depress us, humor friends can help us get out of that, and let us find life is full of sunshine and beauty, not to mention the big really happy laugh.

13楼的作文批改：

185.In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

In recent years, we have watched the phenomenon that, more and more people are living longer than ever before. As far as I concerned, the reasons for this issue are as follows.

Firstly, people are coming to leading a healthier way of life than ever before. From 1980’s, people in China pay more attention to healthy food and prefer to diet rich in protein and low in fat. In addition, all kinds of exercises play an equally important role in people’s life. With the improved working efficiency, it releases people’s working load and thus remove away much physical and psychological burdens that people have to endure in the past. They have more leisure time to do exercise, to relax, to do whatever benefit for the health. For example, over the last decade, the number of gym clubs rushes greatly in our locality, and more people participates in the activities. Exercise is becoming an integral part of our daily life.


Secondly, the improvent/development of the medical science and treatment is a crucial reason. Today, the experts and doctors have more knowledge and experiences about diseases and can deal with it better(觉得不妥，但是我也修改不了，能力有限啊，希望是感觉错了）. Many lethal diseases could be cured well with better treatment. Plague is just the case. The Black Death that horribly destroyed the world in the 1930’s can be healed and prevented with easy methods in the world. What is more, the transplantation, the inoculation, and all other development bring positive impact and changes on individual health and longevity


Simply put, the clear result for those striking improvement is that we, human beings has gained a more advanced understanding of the surrounding environments and ourselves, as indicated by the accumulation of knowledge and advancement of science and technology. We surely will enjoy a better future as long as we continue on this pursuit.

In short, thanks to health diet and exercise in regular basis, as well as improved medical science and treatment, the risk of diseases, such as obesity and hypertension have decreased, and we could enjoy high quality of life and live to a great age, perhaps it will exceed one hundred before long.

解释和说明：
Drastic change, 太夸张了吧，没有必要用这么激烈的词汇；
美国人习惯开头用Firstly,英国人用First；
时不时补充点细节内容，比长句子效果更好；
我也不太清楚是psychological还是 mental 好，貌似科学美国人的文章常见mental，而且mental好拼写哦 :)；
根据我平时阅读的经验，美国人很喜欢用ed分词写作；
H1N1莫非是猪流感? 霍乱又叫黑死病，Black Death；
Today不是一个搓搓的词，美国人也很常用，不要看人家外形简单；
最后的结尾我不太好说，总觉得别扭，给出一个仅供参考，仅供参考，仅供。。。。

eaglewatchUID: 2374680

ID eaglewatch
QQ：470712708
考试时间：7.25号上午10:00
考试地点：中央财经大学
备考日记：路漫漫其修远兮，吾将拿刀插自己
改楼上的
Friends are of vital importance to a person's life. But what is more important quality of （for）a good friends? Intelligent person can give us some good advice and humor one can make us really laugh. Some people prefer to make intelligent friends, and others like to associate with humor people. (废话，删掉,而且显得土)However, I believe intelligence and humor defy comparison for both of them are two integral aspects of friends.（这句话结构是什么，没看懂，defy是动词，are也是） Actually, we should make friends with smart one, as well as funny man. # K( I( h6 Z/ I
1 e5 ^( E/ g/ v
On the one hand, intelligent or smart friends are real blessings of our lives. Confucius, the greatest philosopher in ancient China, commented," There are three kind of good friends, a honest friend, a kind heart friend and a friend with plenty of knowledge." An intelligent friend can help us with lives, and give some good advice. To be honest, almost all of my friends agree with that I am a smart and erudite person, and that is the very reason, which lead them to be my friends. When they have a problem with computers or other stupid IT devices, they would like come to me at first. And I am feeling great, not only to help my friends fix problems, but also to change information and ideas about science and technology with them at the same time. With my help and advice, many of my friends can purchase a satisfactory Notebook computer or digital camera. （自己的例子很好，不过感觉最好缩略一下，多加一些自己的分析，最后扣一下自己的主题）
On the other hand, funny friends are also play an important role in our lives. Daily routines of studies and works are always monotonous and unanimated. （这两个形容词很嚣张~）We badly need someone like one of my college roommates, who is a total joke generator. We even cannot help to go to sleep every night, unless he tell us a funny story or mimic the popular Hong Kong comedian Jackson Chow's classic plot and put some new actions invented by himself. As a result, he has become a star of our school, and everyone wants to be his friends. And I believe this ability is a（an） asset for him, others, like me could never have the chance to acquire it. Is it a cheering thing to have such kind of friends?% P1 P- A; L' r* M$分析应该是说funny one 给我们的生活带来了什么影响，这段比较欠缺类似这样的分析，但例子很好的。
Intelligent and humor friends are equally important for our lives. When we in some troubles or need help and advices, smart and erudite friends is the person we want to meet, and when we feel blue or something （can）depress us, humor friends can help us get out of that, and let us find life is full of sunshine and beauty, not to mention the big really happy laugh.

行文总体感觉不错，逻辑也还可以，就是例子和分析的衔接上还要多努力，分析与例子的结合要自然，分析的要到位。
[fly]

我的
[/fly]
15. Neighbors are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbor? Use specific details and examples in your answer.

The word economic development and revolution is dancing in our daily life. Everyone is filled with dream and passion, so that sometimes we nearly forgot our lively neighbors. However, a good neighbor is necessary for us to live more comfortable and better. In my view, to be a good neighbor, one should have love and responsibility to help each other. That is perhaps the basic qualities of a good neighbor.

First of all, having a excellent neighbor with love probably makes a great contribution to your child's mature and grown.because he/she could teach your child nearly anytime, not only based on their talking, but also rooted in the daily movement. Here is example which , I think, should be the best to illustrate it clearly and strongly. Irene Curie, the daughter of Madam Curie, had never gone to school to finish the degree. She was taught by her mother with basic scientic principles and at the same time, her neighbor Linda influenced her on her way to be a really person. As waht Irene said after a couple of years,:" if there won't my mother , I could never be a scientist; but without  Linda , I could never be a really man." From above, it is easy to point out that a excellent neighbor really plays a great role in the growing up of child.

Secondly, when you home was in trouble even in danger, particularly, there were no one left in your home, who can solve these problems and who can save your home from risk? It is your neighbor. Obviously, if your neighbor is impassion and without the basic humanity--love, your home will be suffered. For instance, a robber snapped in your home and would kill you, your neighbor called for the police, then you will be safe. Otherwise, it was very possible that you lost your life. Therefor, love is the indispensable quality for a neighbor who maybe the superman one day.

Finally, let's go on our topic deeply and thoroughlt. I mean we should consider how to treat the relationship between us, in case of one day, we have opportunity and we really want to help , even save each other. Frankly speaking, trusting is the basic principle of all. If we can eliminates the difference all the time, and treat us as a whole family, there is no doubt that it is our responsiblity and duty to help each other, just because you are my brother you are my sister, we are the family!

To conclude my viewpoint, the basic and simple qualities of a good neighbor is love and passion. And the two elements could make our child grow up more healthy, sparking a boon for the future of our child. In addition, the more essential is an excellent neighbor could save us when we are at risk. The key to establishing these feeling and relationship is to limit and elininate the differences. With these, our life will be better as well as our neighbors.      

Word Count: 498

小籁UID: 2392665

太棒了~~
再支持一个~~~

asn_12UID: 2583270

ID asn_12
QQ：372966225
考试时间地点：准备刷个8.8河南的
备考日志：
因为有过次失败的经历了19 17 18 17， 可以看出阅读，听力，口语，作文都需要加强
阅读：准备以采取题海战术，一天1-2个模考，其中og用来研读，并尽力背下一篇，Barron和高分阅读软件用来模拟（不太清楚这个高分的阅读怎样，反正听力感觉跟ets差距挺大的），因为我读句子的功力不够，常常单词都认识，但就是句子不太明白，所以在加上半个小时每天的GRE难句

听力：重中之重，并且是我的弱项，准备仍然是题海战术+少量的听写，并采取4步听法--
1、总体听，并做题
2、以单词为单位听，力图听懂每个单词
3、一句子为单位听，力图听懂每句话
4、在总体感受一遍

口语：因为写过07-08年的1、2题的jj，所以就按照那个复习，不期望有太大的进步了

作文：因为我综合作文得分是limited，而且这篇文章我是用了模板，并且把听力材料里的3个点都写到文章里，并且检查了一遍的，分数还是那么低，所以也是我需要多做工作的地方
独立作文，准备以07-08的jj写

我只求80分，但是因为这个考试太打击我了，要是把目标就定在80，就太没骨气了，所以这回争取100分，那20分权当祭旗了

希望大家监督，最后----一起加油！

首先欣赏17#美文
15. Neighbors are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbor? Use specific details and examples in your answer.

The word economic development and revolution is dancing in our daily life此处不明白想表达什么. Everyone is filled with dream and passion, so that sometimes we nearly forgot our lively neighbors. However, a good neighbor is necessary for us to live more comfortable and better. In my view, to be a good neighbor, one should have love and responsibility to help each other. That is perhaps the basic qualities of a good neighbor.

First of all, having a excellent neighbor with love probably makes a great contribution to your child's mature and grown.because he/she could teach your（my） child nearly anytime, not only based on their talking, but also rooted in the daily movement. Here is example which , I think, should be the best to illustrate it clearly and strongly. Irene Curie, the daughter of Madam Curie, had never gone to school to finish the degree. She was taught by her mother with basic scientic principles and at the same time, her neighbor Linda influenced her on her way to be a really person. As waht Irene said after a couple of years,:" if there won't my mother , I could never be a scientist; but without  Linda , I could never be a really man." From above, it is easy to point out that a excellent neighbor really plays a great role in the growing up of child

Secondly, when your home was in trouble even in danger, particularly, there were此处应为单数吧 no one left in your home, who can solve these problems and who can save your home from risk（home用了3次了，花个会比较好吧，比如house）? It is your neighbor. Obviously, if your neighbor is impassion and without the basic humanity--love, your home will be suffered. For instance, a robber snapped in your home（个人感觉没有snap in这个短语，如果想表达破门而入，不如就用break in to your house） and wouldwant to kill you, your neighbor called for(for去掉较好吧) the police, then you will be safe. Otherwise, it was very possible that you lost your life. 感觉有点罗嗦了Therefor, love is the indispensable quality for a neighbor who maybe the superman:funk: 不明白想表达什么 one day.

Finally, let's go on our topic deeply and thoroughlt. I mean we should consider how to treat the relationship between us, in case of one day, we have opportunity and we really want to help , even save each other. Frankly speaking, trusting is the basic principle of all（for both of us）. If we can eliminates the difference all the time, and treat us as a whole family, there is no doubt that it is our responsiblity and duty to help each other, just because you are my brother or you are my sister, we are the family!

To conclude my viewpoint, the basic and simple qualities of a good neighbor is love and passion(文中没有提及这个特征吧). And the two elements could make（which can help） our children grow up more healthy(healthier), sparking a boon for the future of our child不明白想表达什么. In addition, the more essential is an excellent neighbor could save us when we are at risk.罗嗦了，:) The key to establishing these feeling and relationship is to limit and elininate the differences. With these,（because of all the things I talked above） our life will be better as well as (because of) our neighbors.  

一下是我对楼上文章的一些个人见解（我也菜鸟），首先，通过楼上的字数可以看出，你还是一个头脑风暴比较厉害的考生，哈哈赞一个
但是也存在一些问题，
逻辑比较混乱----通篇作者仅仅把love这个特征进行到底了，而首段作者还提到了responsibility ，末端则提到了passion
人称也有点乱，有时候第一人称，有时候第二人称
词汇运用感觉有点问题，建议作者每次写完以后，自己先仔细的看看，这对备考也是有好处的
感觉最好再看看范文，仔细研读研读，效果应该会不错的

这是我的，题目是版主定的，就是什么原因导致人们寿命变长了

As the development of our society, people can live longer than ever before, I remember there is a inquiry about it----in the 1800's centrury, people's average age is about 40-50, but now, a lot of people can live 80 years old or longer, what cause it happen?



Advanced technology in prevent and cute disease is the most important reason. Take the Amway company as an example, they have produce a lot of products for people's good health, such as the Protein powder, Vitamin C pin etc, which can strength our body to resist any illness; what's more, advanced technology can also help us to cure the disease which have been defined as a serious one in the past, for example, people who have cancer can do nothing except wait for death, but now, we can extend the patient's life through chemotherapy, we can even defeat it completely sometimes.



What's more, a good habit is also a important element to ensure people live longer than before. A lot of people choose to do some sports in the morning or after their work, such as running, play badminton, swimming etc, they can help people to strength their resistance and relieve the pressure from the work, this is good for the healthy; Keeping happy is also a crucial way, many people choose to cry on the street, or someone might see a naked person running in the campus, these are all the way to relieve pressure which can seldom see in the past , I have even watched a news that a bar in Japan allow the custom drop the plate on the floor or against the wall to release the bad feeling in the real life, these are all good ways to make health.



As all the reasons I talked above, people become more and more talent to solve our own problems, include fight against the illness, exercise so we can became more energetic to work or protect ourselves, relieve the pressure so we can keep happy everyday, and so on, so we can surely live longer than ever before

甲子园UID: 2662675

ID：甲子园
考试时间、地点：待定
备考日志:集中精力 各个突破（听说读写）
先发给楼上同学改好的作文
As the development of our society, people can live longer than ever before, I remember there is a inquiry about it----in the 1800's centrury,（1800’s） people's average age is about 40-50, but now, a lot of people can live 80 years old or longer, what cause it happen?
第一句的怎么两个主语。



Advanced technology in prevent and cute disease is the most important reason. Take the Amway company as an example, they have（主谓一致问题） produce a lot of products for people's good health, such as the Protein powder, Vitamin C pin etc, which can strength our body to resist any illness; what's more, advanced technology can also help us to cure the disease which have been defined as a serious one in the past, for example, people who have cancer can do nothing except wait for death, but now, we can extend the patient's life through chemotherapy, we can even defeat it completely sometimes.

主谓一致问题
例子很好
我认为没啥好改的

What's more, a good habit is also a（an）
important element to ensure people live longer than before. A lot of people choose to do some sports in the morning or after their work, such as running, play badminton, swimming etc, they can help people to strength their resistance and relieve the pressure from the work, this is good for the healthy(一个句子里这么多主语？？); Keeping happy is also a crucial way, many people choose to cry on the street, or someone might see a naked person running in the campus, these are all the way to relieve pressure which can seldom see in the past (改成从句), I have even watched a news（这里想说什么？？） that a bar in Japan allow the custom drop the plate on the floor or against the wall to release the bad feeling in the real life, these are all good ways to make health.

basic grammar mistakes

As all the reasons I talked (完成时好些)above, people become more and more talent to solve our own problems, include（including） fight against the illness, exercise so we can became more energetic to work or protect ourselves, relieve the pressure so we can keep happy everyday, and so on, so we can surely live longer than ever before

文章的构思和文笔都很好
但是语法错误很多，尤其是一个句子多个主语
或者可以说是应该句号的地方没有句号


我可以先交作业 然后再补上报名吗？？？？

甲子园UID: 2662675

The average span of life becomes lengthen than ever before. And it results from many reasons. I think the most important three reasons are improved medical care, modern medicine and increasing awareness of health.

Firstly, the medical care has gradually improved. Though not everyone can get the best medical care, there appeared to be more and more people get the better medical care, individuals can get the basic health care and advice. When people get serious ill, they can go to public hospital and require basic and immediate cure. In the past, medical care is not available for everyone. Some people did not live near a doctor or a hospital, and others can not pay for the expensive care what they need. With the help of available medical care, people live longer and longer. Of course, some of these worked, but not for the more serious diseases.

The second reason is that modern medicine is amazing. Years ago, many diseases led to early deaths such as smallpox, chicken pox and so on. After the appearing of vaccines, however, those diseases can be simply taken for granted. Not certain cure has yet been discovered for heart disease and for cancer, but the latest technologies used in various treatments and operations as well.

The third reason is due to the increasing awareness of taking themselves and their health. Nowadays, a growing number of people begin to take exercise in the morning. Doing exercise, a good way to against disease, is better for our health and keeping fit. What is more, people prefer to choose healthy and nutrition food. We are eating better and more healthfully than we used to. That's reduced the number of people with heart disease and cancer. We try to eat lower fat and oil foods and eat more vegetables and fruits.

The improved medical care, medical system and personal healthy habits have greatly expanded our life spans.

hustzwjUID: 203387

想来抱个名，跟着大家一起作作文，，
我还没有报上名，惨额，我打算临考刷上八月的考位
ID: hustzwj (weiwei)
考试时间，待定
QQ,284265881,
备考日志还没有写，研究后必写好
先附一篇作文哈
是第一次的作业题，嘻嘻

楼上的，我马上就去改，嘻嘻

终于改了，嘻嘻，家里网不好了，改得迟了，嘻嘻

“/”后面是改后的词
The average span of life becomes lengthen/longer than ever before. And it results from many reasons. I think the most important three reasons are improved medical care, modern medicine and increasing awareness of health.

Firstly, the medical care has been gradually improved. (Though not everyone can get/receive the best medical care,)我觉得这句话没必要。 there appeared to be more and more people getting better medical care, individuals can get the basic health care and advice. When people get serious ill, they can go to public hospital and require basic（我觉得吧这个词在这里有异议，可以去掉） and immediate cure. In the past, medical care is not available for everyone. Some people did not live near a doctor or a hospital,（这个原因有点牵强了） and others can not pay for the expensive care what they need. （我倒是认为，你可以这么说，相对于past，现在是，more and more hospitals and clinic have been constructed in the cities and countries, therefore, people do not need to take too much time to see a doctor. Furthermore, the improvements of medical healthy facilities and skills of doctors have greatly increased the living standards of citizens, etc. balabala…
）With the help of available medical care, people live longer and longer. Of course, some of these worked, but not for the more serious diseases.

The second reason is that modern medicine is amazing（这个词也太诧异了，^_^）. Years ago, many diseases led to early deaths such as smallpox, chicken pox and so on. After the appearing of vaccines, however, those diseases can be simply taken for granted. Not certain cure has yet been discovered for heart disease and for cancer, but the latest technologies used in various treatments and operations as well. 这段写的比较单薄，我认为，你可以多写些现在的状况，形成对比，这样就会证明了现在的好。

The third reason is due to the increasing awareness of taking themselves and their health. Nowadays, a growing number of people begin to take exercise in the morning. Doing exercise, a good way to against disease, is better for our health and keeping fit. What is more, people prefer to choose healthy and nutrition food. We are eating better and more healthfully than we used to. That's reduced the number of people with heart disease and cancer. We try to eat lower fat and oil foods and eat more vegetables and fruits.这段不错，很具体。

The improved medical care, medical system and personal healthy habits have greatly expanded our life spans.你没时间写了吧，呵呵
___________________________________________________________________________
Do you agree or disagree? Playing computer games is wasting time; children should not be allowed to play them.

agree：
玩电脑游戏有很多坏处
1. 很浪费时间，尤其是对于学生
2. 孩子的自制能力比较弱，所以要限制他们玩游戏
3. 当然了，也不能全部禁止，一些小游戏也是允许的，比如一些学习方法中都采用游戏的方法去帮助学生学习

As the development of the science and technology, the advanced high-tech has greatly improved our life. And among these great changes, the appearance of computer has brought tremendous revolution in our daily life. When it comes to the computer, we cannot help to mentioning a significant invention--the computer games. It is well known that computer games are now famous and prestigious among different ages from children to adult and even the older. Certainly, computer games have brought incredible entertainment and joy to us. In my opinion, however, the games have grasped large scale of time from our people, especially the children who are indulging in them. Therefore, it is necessary to control the time that children spend on computer games, or even there is no denying to not allow the kids who are lack of self-control to play them.

For one thing, ever since many advanced technologies have been employed in the computer games, the computer games are becoming more and more attractive in complex contents, vivid pictures and sounds, etc. Therefore, more and more students are getting involved in playing games and willing to spend abundant time on computer rather than studying. Rather than the traditional games, the virtual computer games are more interesting and full of challenge. When the students are suffering from the heavy burden of tedious homework, they can always look for funs in the games through enjoying the roles in the visual and happy adventure in games. And as a result, they would be unwilling to get rid of playing and consequently the games dominate their daily lives while all the homework is left undone and even some students choose to drop out of school. As known to us, the more time one takes on playing games, the less he studies and shares with his family or friends. Hence children's wasting time on games not only jeopardizes their life but also hurt the relations with people who care them.

Facing with so many problems caused by indulging in games, I think there is no denying to not allow children to play them. On one hand, small kids are more easily to be affected by people around them and the circumstances. For example, some students may introduce friends to play internet games, when they find it is more fun and easier than studying, they would be unlikely to do homework or listening to the boring courses. Additionally, because the games are fulfilled with various information including good and bad ones, it is inevitable that these children would be misled by the negative information, like the violence, or pornography, etc. Therefore, it is high time for people to take action to protect children from indulging in the games.

Although playing computer games has more negative effects on children, we cannot deny its positive effects too. It is well known that studying is boring while playing is more enjoyable. While some small games are engaged in the process of teaching, it will effectively and efficiently improve the learning of students. Just like memorizing vocabularies is a tiresome thing, but it will change to be a pleasure when the students learn them in playing games. Furthermore, there are many intelligent games are helpful for training the students' logical and thinking capability. Conclusively, we cannot abnegate all the games and applying them to learning is a very sound improvement for education as well.

In sum, playing games does not harm our life but excessively indulging in games absolutely endangers the study and even the future of these children. In other words, proper measures should be taken to protect children from "living" in games all day long, and sometimes we can utilize the vivid games to improve the quality of teaching and learning.

weflxUID: 2237166

ID: weflx}) W4 |' H# _2 F4 ~) O' @& P) ^/ t
考试时间：10.24

考试地点：上海中学T' x' [5 u
QQ 215253285 MSN：weflx@hotmail.com

In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay(from tw185).

As what the speaker talked about, at present, people surely live longer than ever before. I am with the speaker due to coming reason to advocate that.

It is obvious reason I support. With human society developing, our material life is coming ample. It is surely that our strong body depends on healthy food. Right now, most people over the world can buy what they want in supermarket, such as, various healthy fruits, vegetable, beef and so forth. Admittedly, these foods not only supply daily nutrition but promote our body part for more vigorous in the long term. Moreover, food quality is strictly supervised by offices, it also makes sure the food safety and pirate vender never sales the rotten food. As a result, healthy food is significant point to benefit people long live.


What is more, more and more people would like to take part in outside exercise to build up body. On holiday, people ride a bike from one site to another for a long distance, play football or basketball, all of which is going to strength us. For example, one man who always persists on doing exercise everyday must be live longer than one who never does so. Life is based on sport forever.

Finally, medical science takes a great progress to help people long live. Ever before, some disease is not cured successfully and over here no therapy treat them, for instance, cold flu, which is normal illness nowadays, ever makes great threat in human beings history. However, medical technology advanced and new medical machine to be produced to inspect the symptom, most of all disease is not a human beings’ healthy obstacle as well. Thereby, it is most possibly that people live longer in the long run, maybe 200 years old?


In sum, I am sure that people is going to live longer than ever before with our material life coming abundant, we can gain more nutrition element from these foods. Furthermore, people would like to choose one healthy way to do exercise to strong body. Surely, medical science advanced as well as provide a powerful security for our healthy to live long.

Review above essay

Do you agree or disagree? Playing computer games is wasting time; children should not be allowed to play them.2 F% A  O+ e/ V( L' E
( c  {3 c" _3 J- M+ b$agree：4 F# u' |. Y! P) p; W! e
玩电脑游戏有很多坏处
1. 很浪费时间，尤其是对于学生
2. 孩子的自制能力比较弱，所以要限制他们玩游戏  H  y4 ?, A" c7 G1 W" b  [
3. 当然了，也不能全部禁止，一些小游戏也是允许的，比如一些学习方法中都采用游戏的方法去帮助学生学习3 D' `0 l% A! |) s, b% R! P. y?
As the development of the science and technology, the advanced high-tech has greatly improved our life. And among these great changes, the appearance of computer has brought tremendous revolution in our daily life. When it comes to the computer, we cannot help to mentioning a significant invention--the computer games. It is well known that computer games are now famous and prestigious among different ages from children to adult and even the older. Certainly, computer games have brought incredible entertainment and joy to us. In my opinion, however, the games have grasped large scale of time from our people, especially the children who are indulging in them. Therefore, it is necessary to control the time that children spend on computer games, or even there is no denying to not allow the kids who are lack of self-control to play them.开头段写的不错也很长，不过实战中也许不会太加彩.
For one thing, ever since many advanced technologies have been employed in the computer games, the computer games are becoming more and more attractive in complex contents, vivid pictures and sounds, etc. Therefore, more and more (用得太频繁了)students are getting involved in playing games and willing to spend abundant time on computer rather than studying. Rather than the traditional games, the virtual computer games are more interesting and full of challenge. When the students are suffering from the heavy burden of tedious homework, they can always look for funs in the games through enjoying the roles in the visual and happy adventure in games. And as a result, they would be unwilling to get rid of playing and consequently the games dominate their daily lives while all the homework is left undone and even some students choose to drop out of school. As known to us, the more time one takes on playing games, the less he studies and shares with his family or friends. Hence children's wasting time on games not only jeopardizes their life but also hurt the relations with people who care them.这段不错，理据充分。

# v( Facing with so many problems caused by indulging in games, I think there is no denying to not allow children to play them. On one hand, small kids are more easily to be affected by people around them and the circumstances. For example, some students may introduce friends to play internet games, when they find it is more fun and easier than studying, they would be unlikely to do homework or listening to the boring courses. Additionally, because the games are fulfilled with various information including good and bad ones, it is inevitable that these children would be misled by the negative information, like the violence, or pornography, etc. Therefore, it is high time for people to take action to protect children from indulging in the games.应该把其对孩子的危害更具体点，因为他们欠缺自制力，会导致那些严重的结果，最好有具体例子。

Although playing computer games has more negative effects on children, we cannot deny its positive effects too. It is well known that studying is boring while playing is more enjoyable. While some small games are engaged in the process of teaching, it will effectively and efficiently improve the learning of students. Just like memorizing vocabularies is a tiresome thing, but it will change to be a pleasure when the students learn them in playing games. Furthermore, there are many intelligent games are helpful for training the students' logical and thinking capability. Conclusively, we cannot abnegate all the games and applying them to learning is a very sound improvement for education as well.这段骑墙论点，个人感觉没必要，这个仅仅TOEFL，不是GRE.
In sum, playing games does not harm our life but excessively indulging in games absolutely endangers the study and even the future of these children. In other words, proper measures should be taken to protect children from "living" in games all day long, and sometimes we can utilize the vivid games to improve the quality of teaching and learning.

点评：语句不错，文章构架清晰.

MVTUID: 2588209

ID: MVT
考试时间: 10.18&
考试地点：黑龙江大学
QQ：1016352856
[备考日志]：https://bbs.gter.net/thread-983464-1-1.html
W6 y/ D4 D6 E6 A; S4 `1 F! h) C
作文+
TOPIC:

In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay(from tw185).

We are living in a modern society with a huge numbers of advantages, such as high-tech, civilized, democratic and scientific epoch. Other than these beneficial conditions, people realized that our lives span is widely elongated when come to states one century before. What causes this improvement on people's lives induced the concerns of many scientists and common people. As far as I am concerned, the biological condition, developented industrialization and new cultural backdrop comprehensively contribute to our longer living span.

The global climate has formed a much more congenial condition for human beings' living. From the very far, in glacial age, the Earth was coated with mountainous ice and snow, where the human cannot exist but evolve from other biological cells. After millions years of climate shift, the species which are mostly adaptable will be left more numerous eventually. However, the fragile animals like dinosaur became extinction during the climate transformation. Each species has its own ability to adapt to a new condition and this ability is limited. From this point, our contemporary climate now is conducive to human kinds living, and generally the longer lives.

Furthermore, the development of industrialization, including the high tech and modern science help people to overcome adversities. For example, we have created many vaccines to protect people from flu, smallpox and sort of fatal diseases. We can also use the proton magnetic resonance to check our heart and brain to prevent heart diseases. The broad using of satelites sends people numerous important information to predict tornado, earthquake and cyclones. Else millions of people may die during these catastrophies. The advancement of scientific researches informed us how to form a healthy diet, to arrange our work and to recreate, which will finally makes us live longer.

Finally, we should thanks to the development of civilization. We are educated to respect each minority and share our global village. The efforts to legislate law on war between different countries put a great function to people extinction. We even cannot figure out the casualties if the world war would keep on. Civilization also taught us how to love our environment. With a clean and healthy living circumstance, we naturally gain a longer life.

Thanks to these evident advantages created by the earth or human being ourselves, we are now actually enjoying longer lives than before.(411words)

REVIEW THE ABOVE COMPOSITION:
批改说明：
1. 红色: 不太合适的地方；
2. 蓝色: 值得学习的地方；
3. 淡紫: my comment.

As what the speaker talked about, at present, people surely live longer than ever before. I am with the speaker due to coming reason to advocate that.(开头言简意赅，点出观点，用语简洁、地道)

It is obvious reason I support. With human society developing, our material life is coming ample. It is surely that our strong body depends on healthy food. Right now, most people over the world can buy what they want in supermarket, such as, various healthy fruits, vegetable, beef and so forth. Admittedly, these foods not only supply daily nutrition but promote our body part for more vigorous in the long term. Moreover, food quality is strictly supervised by offices, it also makes sure the food safety and pirate vender never sales the rotten food.(Here is too absolute to make this statement. Does the priate vender never sell rotten food actually? In fact, in Chinese market there are uncounted commodities below the quality requirement.). As a result, healthy food is significant point to benefit people long live..(本段理由：食物更健康+更丰富。丰富体现出来了，但是我觉得作者没有论证好"健康")

What is more, more and more people would like to take part in outside exercise to build up body. On holiday, people ride a bike from one site to another for a long distance, play football or basketball, all of which is going to strength us. For example, one man who always persists on doing exercise everyday must be live longer (这儿跟上段犯同样的错误. How will it go if the exerciser had a heavy heart diseases? Must he/she lives longer than that withou excercise? Maybe not!) than one who never does so. Life is based on sport forever.(本段理由：人们更加注重健身。我认为本段论证不是很有说服力，难道以前的人就没有注重健身吗？)

Finally, medical science takes a great progress to help people long live. Ever before, some disease is not cured successfully and over here no therapy treat them, for instance, cold flu, which is normal illness nowadays, ever makes great threat in human beings history. However, medical technology advanced and new medical machine to be produced to inspect the symptom, most of all disease is not a human beings’ healthy obstacle as well. Thereby, it is most possibly that people live longer in the long run, maybe 200 years old？(本段理由：医疗迅速发展。推理严谨，过渡词使文章表述更加流畅。)

In sum, I am sure that people is going to live longer than ever before with our material life coming abundant, we can gain more nutrition element(B1好像没有论述营养丰富这一点，食物丰富＝营养丰富？) from these foods. Furthermore, people would like to choose one healthy way to do exercise to strong body. Surely, medical science advanced as well as provide a powerful security for our healthy to live long.(最后终结文章的观点)

MY COMMENTS:
1. 文章总体脉络清晰，结构合理，表述正确，是地道的总－分－总构造，比较正统的论述模式，不容易偏题；
2. 个人感觉营养丰富（B1）部分没有论述透彻，健身（B2）部分理由不是很充分；
3. 部分观点表述太绝对。
一家之言，仅供参考，希望楼上批判听取，致谢！

hustzwjUID: 203387

23# weflx

多谢多谢噢，我也觉得我还要一段时间从gre的bt作文阴霾下恢复过来，多谢指点
我没有限时，，第一回写，想的先看看自己还能写出字来不，嘻嘻，（好久不动笔了）

小Q^_^IncantoUID: 2588079

先MARK，内容马上补！

taoyukun-daidaiUID: 2657922

Id：daidai
考试时间：8.2;8,22(我给自己两次机会过100) u; q$ U0 l5 F I' |! O
考试地点：上海中学；华师大
QQ：472307052! _8 j/ ]+ v2 p( ~9 n
备考日志：已经复习完第一轮，准备3天内急攻第二轮，然后开始模考，2号回归以后的要看那天考场感觉。

修改33楼童鞋的作文
When people comes to choose which one is the main source of their knowledge, the answers may differ.I concede the importance of books. Actually, just as what some people deem, the books, which plays a role as a good friend of us from childhood to the academic peak, is indispensable for the huge volume of knowledge. However, the experience is more important in this changing era when only through activities and practice can gain the real knowledge on the road to be successful.
x+ R  z" f

I concede （重复使用可换为maintain）that book sare important tools for students, or senior scholars to acquire knowledge. It provides volume of knowledge and collections of information for us to obtain and learn. People may think books are reliable and a good instruction to beavailable when we are not acknowledged enough to experience in the real world.But books is too theoretical to learn more, compared with other methods andchannels. （基本上一直在写关于书的重要性，等到关键的时候，一句话结束了。。。这段有点。。。）
On the contrary,experience, other than knowledge from books, are mainly from people’s labor andactive involvement in the job position and formed by his/her own practice. Itshares the advantages which will not be acquired on books only. There are a couple of advantages of experience through practise., o( N4 s' x3 v- s+ N% X
On the one hand, experience will be moresuitable to discover one’s advantage by oneself. For example, student can moreaccurately orientate himself and his future by practice while reading books canreally know little. Also scientist may find the keys of bottleneck by doingexperiments and observation by the venue but not delving in books only.

On the other hand,experience can increase knowledge and breed more people's wisdom. In the era ofmodern technology and quick development , people can fulfill their dream bytheir practice which is totally different from the works of old generations.Thus as we can expect, experience will greatly prompt the world’s progress andreclaim new field of research and progress instead of doing the works frombooks.

Moreover, from thescope of human history, there is a record of progress through continuous effortmade through practice. Such practice provides much space for human to figureout the possibility of our dream. It is experience that makes knowledgeaccumulated. So books are merely the medium to record human's experience while experience itself is more precious.

in short, I greatly agree with the importance of human experience and the function（好像没有在文章中写出来哦。。）. It  is more precious for the practitioner himself/herself, and also for human's development, especially when books' use is limited in the era of information technology.
这文章感觉写的有点没有轻重之分，也没有非常明确的告诉读者你的主题思想。。有点掺和中文的写作风格。。这篇文章好难改啊。。。

枕头和书UID: 2578813

不知道现在算不算晚，我也加一个。
ID: 枕头和书
考试时间: 8.22
考试地点：广州
QQ：396633346
[备考日志]正在完善中，没贴出来
作文：
topic：In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay
正文

Nowadays, the life expectancy of people is much longer than any other times of our history, the healthy condition is much better too. As the advance of science and technology, the medical conditions had been changed better and better during the last decades. Our life style have be influenced by people’ longer life expectancy, thousands and millions of people benefit from that. Why the people are living longer now, for the following reasons:

To begin with, the medical science have the most significant progress during the last century. Some diseases had been overcomed just because the invention of some new medicines. Some new medical technology have turned some death diseases the ones which available to be cured. For instance, we can use the X-ray to identify the position of organs damages, as a result, the true reasons of people’s ill can quickly diagnosed. The X-ray therapy can also be used to cure cancer which provide a new way to destroy the cancer cells.

For another thing, after the world war II there are no huge war in the world, most of people living in a relatively peaceful country. Because the lack of fights, many governments of different country can pay more attention to the disasters such as hurricane, starvation, flood. There are more sources the officers can call for, and the federal finance can be rich enough to support the peoples whose home had be destroyed by disasters. What’s more, without the war, the number of irregular death people would be not significant as the wartime. It mean that young man would not be sent to the battlefront where many of them can never come back.

Finally, there are more ways we can used to keep us from diseases,. Peoples go to the gym regularly to keep their body fit, the gym coachers can give the fittest excises plans for a particular individual. And there are experts will also instruct us of the piching of healthy food, you can avoid some food which can leads to diseases, such as, carcinogens. As the progress of the theory of keeping health, people can stay away form the ill which usually bothered human being all the times.

修改的文章
We are living in a modern society with a huge numbers of advantages, such as high-tech, civilized, democratic and scientific epoch. Other than these beneficial conditions, people realized that our lives span （life span）is widely elongated when come to states one century before. What causes this improvement on people's lives induced the concerns of many scientists and common people. As far as I am concerned, the biological condition, developented industrialization and new cultural backdrop comprehensively contribute to our longer living span(提问做的不错，开头好)

The global climate has formed a much more congenial condition for human beings' living. From the very far（写得好）, in glacial age, the Earth was coated with mountainous ice and snow, where the human cannot exist but evolve from other biological cells. After millions years of climate shift, the species which are mostly adaptable will be left more numerous eventually. However, the fragile animals like dinosaur became extinction during the climate transformation. Each species has its own ability to adapt to a new condition and this ability is limited. From this point, our contemporary climate now is conducive to human kinds living, and generally the longer lives.（最后半句有点问题）

Furthermore, the development of industrialization, including the high tech and modern science help people to overcome adversities. For example, we have created many vaccines to protect people from flu, smallpox and sort of fatal diseases. We can also use the proton magnetic resonance to check our heart and brain to prevent heart diseases. The broad using of satelites sends people numerous important information to predict tornado, earthquake and cyclones. Else millions of people may die during these catastrophies(应是catastrophes). The advancement of scientific researches informed us how to form a healthy diet, to arrange our work and to recreate, which will finally makes us live longer.(最后半句有点问题）
Finally, we should thanks to the development of civilization. We are educated to respect each minority and share our global village（share with who?）.The efforts to legislate law on war between different countries put a great function to people extinction. We even cannot figure out the casualties if the world war would keep on. Civilization also taught us how to love our environment. With a clean and healthy living circumstance, we naturally gain a longer life.(这段逻辑有点乱)

Thanks to these evident advantages created by the earth or human being ourselves, we are now actually enjoying longer lives than before.（这样的行文的结尾好像有点不合适，应该是没时间写了吧）

zliuKaiserUID: 2522209

28# 枕头和书
ID:zliukaiser
考试时间:2009年7月25日
考试地点:中央广播电视大学培训中心
QQ:939041042
MSN:liuzhi0210@gmail.com
备考日志:https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=983858&extra=
改楼上作文:
Nowadays, the life expectancy of people is much longer than any other times of our history, the healthy condition is much better too. As the advance of science and technology, the medical conditions had been changed better and better during the last decades. Our life style have be(has been) influenced by people’ longer life expectancy, thousands and millions of people benefit from that. Why the people are living longer now, for the following reasons (Why people are living longer now is for the following reasons, 个人认为原来的句子缺少谓语或系动词)
To begin with, the medical science have the most significant progress during the last century. Some diseases had been overcomed (overcome) just because the invention of some new medicines. Some new medical technology have turned some death diseases the ones which
(are) available(我认为这个词用在这里比较奇怪?) to be cured. For instance, we can use the X-ray to identify the position of organs damages (where it was damaged), as a result, the true reasons (causes) of people’s ill (illness) can quickly (be) diagnosed. The X-ray therapy can also be used to cure cancer (cancers) which provide a new way to destroy the cancer cells.

For another thing, after the world war (World War) II there are no huge war in the world (China); most of people (are) living in a relatively peaceful country. Because the lack of fights, many governments of different country (countries) can pay more attention to the disasters such as hurricane, starvation,(and) flood. There are more sources the officers can call for, and the federal finance can be rich enough to support the peoples (persons) whose home had be (been) destroyed by disasters. What’s more, without the war, the number of irregular death people would be not significant as the wartime. It means that young man would not be sent to the battlefront where many of them can never come back.

Finally, there are more ways we can used (use) to keep us from diseases,. Peoples go to the gym regularly to keep their body fit; the gym coachers can give the fittest excises plans for a particular individual. And there are experts (who) will also instruct us of the piching of healthy food(我不知道piching是什么意思?查词典也没查到), you can avoid some food which can leads to diseases, such as carcinogens. As the progress of the theory of keeping health, people can stay away from the ill which usually bothered human being all the times.

是不是没有写结尾,我觉得结束得比较突然,不过总体很流畅.一起加油!


我的作文:

Nowadays, the average length of people's life has been longer than ever before. In the garden of my neighborhood, we can see old people exercise every early morning and evening. In hospital, there are people who just survive from an injury or some diseases. Every evening, we can see health cook program in the television at dinner time. From my experience, to explain the phenomenon, I find that it is due to the following reasons that persons tend to live longer.
First of all, more times are spent on exercise in old people's life or even in people with an age of more than 40's life. When I was a little child, I could rarely see a person running near my community. Recent years, an increasing number of people join the running team or other exercise groups aiming at making themselves healthier. Modern physiology tells us that doing sports increase people's strength improving human's heart ability which can thus prolong human's lifetime. More and more people paid more attention to exercises, hence, the tendency of living longer is a directly conclusion.
Secondly, the development of medical science extend the lifetime of people. After the Second World War, China has undergone a peaceful period, and every field in science and technology has made great progress especially in medical science. Some diseases, like smallpox and malaria that can’t be cure in the past time are not fatal today. What's more? High level nurses and doctors become more and more, as the modern medical science has been brought into China and masters in this area come to trained students in medical school. Every advance in medical makes people's life longer.
Lastly, everybody knows to some extent some nutrition or at least some kind of food that does harm to their health. The affect includes the reduction in probability that people get diseases by eating poison food. The TV programs always invite some nutritionist to introduce to the public different kinds of delicious and healthy dishes. By watching the program, my mother learns to cook more kinds of salubrious food, and this reduces the probability that we contract a disease. As the public know more about the nutrition, people pay much more attention to the combination of food intending to get variety of vitamins, sugar and other necessities in peoples every life. The fact that knowledge of nutrition largely reduces the number of people who get not enough nutritious can’t be neglected.
To sum up, from the analysis and reasons mentioned above, I can safely arrive at the conclusion that more exercises, medical advances and knowledge about nutrition lead to a longer life for people.

onlypieroUID: 2637721

ID：onlypiero
考试时间：11.8
考试地点：华东师范大学
QQ:744689465  MSN：go-lulu@hotmail.com
备考日志：https://bbs.gter.net/thread-983923-1-1.html
作文：In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay


  Nowadays, there are more and more centenarians，which seems to be a phenomenon all over the world. Why people at present are living longer? In my opinion, there are several reasons as following.

  First, people are available to get better nutrition now. It is well known that nutrition plays an important role in his or her healthy longevity, because it povides people with sufficient energy and some necessary elements, such as various vitamins, calcium and protein. Therefore, green food without pollution and pesticide residues has increasingly become the first choice among the people in modern society.

  Second, better environment exerts a positive influence on people's living longer. It is obvious that much more measures to be taken by governments in the world to protect the surroundings. For instance, saving energy and reducing greenhouse gas emissions can not only guarantee good quality of air and help to alleviate global warming, but also play a propellant role in his or her longevity.

  Last but not least,  numerous men have paid much more attention to sports now than ever before in view of a ground breaking research that half an hour of exercise a day, even housework every day can add an extra five years on one's life. Therefore, people in the modern society try their best to spare some time to go to the gymnasium, which will be conducive to  reducing the risk of developing certain diseases and of becoming obese, as well as contributing to physical co-ordination, balance, strength .

  All in all, only by sufficient nutrition, agreeable environment and proper exercises can people boost their life spans.

Review

Nowadays, the life expectancy of people is much longer than any other times of our history, the healthy condition is much better too.（两句完整的句子间缺少连词） As the advance of science and technology, the medical conditions had been（wrong tense时态错误） changed better and better during the last decades（carelessness）. Our life style have（单复数） be influenced by people’ longer life expectancy,（代词指代不符逻辑） thousands and millions of people benefit from that. (两句完整的句子间缺少连词)Why the（这里不存在特指） people are living longer now, for the following reasons:

To begin with, the medical science have the most significant progress during the last century. （单复数 时态 取得进步应该是make progress）Some diseases had been overcomed just because the invention of some new medicines. Some new medical technology have turned some death diseases the ones which available to be cured.（时态错误 单复数不分 中国式英语） For instance, we can use the X-ray to identify the position of organs damages, as a result, the true reasons of people’s ill （应该是illness）can quickly diagnosed. The X-ray therapy can also be used to cure cancer which provide a new way to destroy the cancer cells.
For another thing, after the world war II there are no huge war in the world, most of people living（不用非谓语） in a relatively peaceful country. Because the lack of fights, many governments of different country can pay more attention to the disasters such as hurricane, starvation, flood. There are more sources the officers can call for, and the federal finance can be rich enough to support the peoples whose home had be destroyed by disasters. What’s more, without the war, the number of irregular death people would be not significant as the wartime. It mean that young man would not be sent to the battlefront where many of them can never come back.（整段没有出现关键词“长寿”，展开得角度较独特，但缺乏必要的扣题）
Finally, there are more ways we can used to keep us from diseases,. Peoples go to the gym regularly to keep their body fit, the gym coachers can give the fittest excises plans for a particular individual.（缺少连词） And there are experts will （若用定语从句的话，少了指代主语的关系代词，句子可以更加简练一点，改用不定式表目的即可）also instruct us of the piching（拼写错误） of healthy food, you can avoid some food which can leads to diseases, such as, carcinogens. （举例子就要举两个以上，否则干脆不要）As the progress of the theory of keeping health（典型的中国式英语，没有这种表达方法，可直接改为With the development of the medical technology）, people can stay away form the ill（最好是illness） which usually bothered human being all the times.(时态错误)

一家之言，仅供参考

P.S.
由于本人现在还忙着德福考试，所以写作文和修改作文的时间比较仓促，如若有不同意见和相关错误，请不啬指教！飘走~~~~~