08的作文修改小铺子

rabienroseUID: 2245741

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: nowadays, people are becoming more and more concerned about appearance and fashion. Use specific examples and details to support your answer.

=============================================
Recently, appearance and fashion have become a hot topic of gossip. Some say that people emphasize more intrinsic things than appearance, but I agree that people are becoming more and more concerned about appearance and fashion nowadays. There are two reasons about this.

First, the populace of computer and Internet let people be easier affected by fashion and appearance. Information technology diversifies advertisement. For example, in the past, most forms of advertisement limited on paper post, TV. But now, we see advertisements on all kinds of web page which we browser everyday, on PC games and so on. As we all know advertisement always shows people what a good appearance of a thing and hide its intrinsic part. Since, we see advertisements everyday no matter where we are, we live in the sea of beautiful appearance, so we are easier influence by appearance and fashion.

Second, complex life in modern society makes people ignore essence of things. As fact that we need study more things, operate more complex equipments, contact with more diverse persons to live in modern society. Because we must deal with so many things, we have no time to devote into one thing to know its essence. Take the example of eating cake. In the past, we make cake with a simple way, and eat the same kind of cake for a long time, so we remember the flavor of this kind cake clearly even ten years later. But now, we have huge choices of kinds of cake. We eat this kind today and other kinds tomorrow. At last, forget which kind cake we have actually eaten.

In conclusion, IT makes us contact a lot of things and give us more and more choices. We are attracted by these beautiful appearances and have no time to know essence. So we are becoming more and more concerned about appearance and fashion nowadays.


谢谢08了，你是好人，送你好人卡一张。

makerain62UID: 2549508

第一篇计时写的。。。希望大人帮我往死里PIA~！！！

2. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


It has been a long-time controversy among people that whether parents are the best teachers for the children. Some people hold the view that parents are the best teachers since they know their children better than anyone else in the world. However, in my point of view, in most cases parents can not be the best teachers for the reasons I list below.

Confessedly, parents are the ones children got first contact with in the world since born and parents can educate their kids to some extend due to the length of time they be together. They can give children first lessons about the basic skills they need as a member of the society such as walking, talking, thinking and so forth. Also, they can teach them the rules of the community and basic concepts of ethic and moral. To some extend, parents can indeed educate their kids.

Yet, we cannot come to the conclusion thoroughly that parents are the best teachers for the kids. Firstly, as adults, personal experiences will vary their viewpoints of the same thing and sometimes they will impose their points of view on the children which is undoubtedly bad for the development of the children's personalities. For example, children form the family which is luxury will  easily develop the habit of wasting money when grow up. And children come from the family with members had experience of being treated unfairly will be cynical. Additionally, even if parents can surely be good examples of the their children, good teacher need to be qualified with more things such as skills and knowledge in a specific filed. There is no one gain the ability to hold all knowledge of all realms and that's why we have the career as teacher in the society. To general, teachers can lead the students to a further study of the knowledge and they are the specialists of teaching. From this point of view, parents can not be the best teachers for their kids since teacher is such a special career that a big group of people may share this role in the society.

In sum, I cannot deny that parents are the first teachers for a child. However, they cannot be the best teachers since they cannot know all things a child need in the further life.      

Word Count: 386

jlmjackyUID: 2471681

97# jiang08 3x 版版 唉 不足好多阿 马上就考试了

dogshoutUID: 2186461

"affairs 的用法再复习下，另外用ing格的动词在从句里的时候注意其支配主语要和句子的主要主语一致"
" 其他没什么问题，论证很流畅"

请问我这个水平能拿多少分？ 哪些地方需要加强

djy1333UID: 2619415

占楼！

djy1333UID: 2619415

汽车二十年后会不会减少

It is car that makes the world go around. As one of the greatest invention in the last century, the car, making the world closer, brought about an incomparable impact. Two hundred years ago, our ancestors could not imagine what would their world be when they invented the car, which is generally used nowadays. However, when we are facing the same question, it is still hard for us to give a truly predictable answer. Will cars be reduced after twenty years? I believe the answer is affirmative.
Recently there is a growing awareness that cars are not as convenient as we thought in the past. Increasing number of cars brings a lot of pressure to public transportations. Most of the work-persons prefer walking home to driving private cars because of the inevitable traffic jams. Some exports said that public transportations are overloading in many cities, and if we still do not make any plan or policy for these extra cars, they will not be useful at all. Some people begin to complain that even though they live far away from their workplaces, taking other transportations like bicycles or subways can still be faster than driving cars. To avoid more and more inconveniences from car, people are considering finding a better replacement.
Besides, with the development of technology, we can see more new vehicles in the future, and some useful but small-range-use vehicles, like ships and airplanes, will be improved a lot. Fossil energy will be gradually superseded by solar energy, so the cars also will be supplanted. Most of people are looking forward to having smaller personal airplanes so that they can go to anywhere they hope for business or travelling with fewer limits. It is not difficult for us to imagine that there will be numerous private planes flying in the sky after twenty years and we will not find any cars anymore.
Furthermore, under the impact from the financial crisis, many investors gradually find that the industry of car cannot bring benefits to them anymore, so they prefer investing more money in other fields. Without any profits, many entrepreneurs in developed countries start to give up car industry and focus on new technology field like biology. In this occasion, we can hardly hope that car industry can make a miracle to save itself from the financial crisis.
Admittedly, we cannot deny that cars are still playing an important role in our daily lives. Maybe during the next five or even more year, cars will be unchangeable if we do not find better vehicles. Our lives will be restricted without cars. But, cars ever made the world smaller. If we want to make it much smaller, what can we do? Since cars cannot be helpful to solve this problem, we are supposed to change our minds to find a new way to make our lives better.

jiang08UID: 2391146

8月2号考T，一直想找人看一看，不知道自己的方向有没有问题。请LZ过目，谢谢，不想浪费LZ太多时间
，只要能告诉我看我作文后最大的问题，最直接，最明显的问题就可以了。

2007年6月30日
letting a friends make a mistake is better than saying or doing somthing that may destroy the friendship.

What does friendship mean? Is it just an encounter between two strangers? So when it comes to the problem that collosion happens in friends, for example, one of the friends makes a mistake, What is the right attitude toward this problem? Does it have (make) sense to let the friend continue his fault instead of persuading him/her to stop? From my perspective, It is impossible for anyone not to commit mistakes as well as friend, however, I disapprove the behavior that doing or saying something to it （it的指代对象？这是全文主题句，必须写清楚） means a may to destroy the friendship. 看了好几遍，你的主论点是说允许朋友犯错误不=破坏友谊嘛？这样观点比较难写好，最好围绕着“告诉朋友不但不破坏，反而能增进友谊”来写。

To start with, allowing the happen of fault is not equal to regard such a behavior as right things. It is a commonsense that people treat other's ignorance as a permission to their certain actions. So does the friends. Then it is better to tell the friend, if he/she is going to have mistake, that their's disaggreement to it, or at least people's opinion which might forces the friend to reconsider if he/she is right or not becaue of the friendship. For example, tell the friend the opinion of smoking of many companions in the room will prevent him/her from smoking, at least in front of his/her friends at the public place since he/she has guilty in mind after people's warning. 这段的第一句话和吸烟的例子有什么联系么？我可能没读懂。另外，“容许错误发生不=赞成行为”和“容许错误发生还是破坏友谊”（题目）之间的关系？

Secondly, people never know what would be the result if false behavior is permitted. People will no doubt commit some mistakes in his/her life and one reason is that he/she didn't know the possible outcome of such a behavior. A friend may analyse the possibile result of it or have a better sense to these kind of problem. As a consequence, it is the only friend that might have the ability or spontaneousility to persuade his/her friend to stop the stupid things. To the criminal, never be anyone brave enough to commit crime at beginning. However, they get courage through countless trial of lighter crime. Seldom would be such a scenario if his/her friends persuade him/her earlier and kept him/her from continuing the wrong matters. 这段最好把开头加上“朋友”，这样才和论点联系起来了

Finally, the friendship has more significance between the two people, such as concerning, responsibility. Simply speaking, friends is just different from two strangers, and why do not treat the friends distinct or hope for their good performance then?（？）  It is the stranger who lacks the concerning to  the people's mistakes. What a terrible friendship it is if the two regard each other as unknown! In my opinion, the neglect of friends' bad behavior indicates the dislike of the other one in the friendship. However, the general situation is that most people didn't notice such a paradox in their friends' relation. Just as the situation in the issue, people are afraid of leaving away by his/her friends after persuade his/her friends' unsuitable behavior and they choose to keep silence then.(People do not express their ideas toward his/her friends' unsuitable behavior in fear of being left alone and choose to keep silence then.) That's the un-healthy firendship in my opinion yet people should do more to their friends.

The three above points therefore demonstrate that the friends should care about each other and help both. Don not leave the friend alone in the swamp of mistake and do not disregard his/her foreseeable devastated earning is not only the accurate action of friendship, but also a wise mind. Again, that is the friendship in my mind
monglebest 发表于 2009-7-23 15:21

论证最大的问题是太过于GRE化，甚至是ARGU化。理论型的句子还是多了些，建议再看看OG上的要求和得分要点。
另外的问题是语法错误很多，词语词性需要分更清楚些，还有注意主谓一致。

jiang08UID: 2391146

发的帖子没人管，只有发到这来，希望楼主帮忙改改啊。

第一篇independent作文，终于憋出来了，很久没写过，手太生了，用了将近2个小时。现在每天坚持一篇，希望8.2号考试能够在规定时间写完。
另外，这篇只有330个字，字数够不够？
topic: letting a friend  make a mistake is better than saying or doing something that may destroy the friendship.
1.直接告诉朋友错了会让他觉得不舒服，甚至会伤害到友谊。
2.然而，朋友之间应该坦白，honest。如果你不告诉他错了，他下次还会犯同样的错误，反之，会认识到自己的错误。
3.另外，如果你告诉朋友错了when he makes mistakes, 他也会告诉你, 会improve myself in some ways.

When people meet this case, （when）a friend of his is making a mistake, someone （注意这里的人称，1开始用people，这里又出现了someone）does not correct the friend and let the mistake goes on to avoid destroying the friendship between he and his friend（their friendship即可）. But I would rather like to stop my friend from making a mistake.

As we all know, correcting a friend's mistake directly could make him feel unhappy and uncomfortable, even harm the friendship（s多余）. For example, my friends（一个朋友，单数） Jim went to a bookstore to buy a book, and the seller gave him the wrong change, but Jim did not give the excess money back. When he came back and told me the whole thing, I insisted that he should return the excess money to the seller, which made Jim angry in the end.

However, the friendship is based on （the不需要） frankness, and friends should be honest with each other. If someone was not corrected his mistake at the first time, he would probably make the same mistake in the future, which could lead to get in more serious trouble. In the contrast （On contrary）, if the one has been told the mistake he was making, he would realize that what he did was wrong, then he would appreciate the one who exhorted him. Also take my friend Jim for instance, several days after he got angry, he thanked me for making him realize his mistake, and our friendship became more stable from then on.

Moreover, friends should help each other. Sometimes we do not realize that what we do (have done)  is wrong or harmful for others, in that case we need someone else to exhort ourselves. If I tell my friends the mistakes, they will tell me when I am making a mistake (同类型的错误吧？). Thus, I could improve myself in some way（s多余） by avoiding making the same mistakes.

In conclusion, even if telling a friend that what he does is a mistake could make him uncomfortable, we should be responsible to him as friends, and exhort （这个词在文中用的过于频繁，建议可以用correct之类的替换） him not to make the mistake.
wanhao87 发表于 2009-7-23 18:04

虽然文章有点短，但是论证的内容都写得很清楚了，个人觉得篇幅不是问题

jiang08UID: 2391146

26. It has recently been announced that a new movie theater may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.   Word Count: 505
Building a new movie theater is of utmost exciting thing, and it is also essential to choose best place. There may be one or two disadvantages that building a new movie theater in my community; however, i believe that there are far more advantages.
In the first place, there may be one or two disadvantages of building a cinema in my community. （这句和之前的句子完全重复，多余了，可以直接让步开始说缺点）Some people may claim that the new cinema break up the peace of our community, since once the movie opened （是电影院开张，不是电影开张）, there must be more people come here to watch movie, relax themselves or just have a drink with friends, these activities（还在同一个句子里，改用which） may lead to（改make，lead to后面跟名次） the community noisier than before. It really can disrupt their（用our较好，你也是town上一员） life to some extent. Moreover, people come here may drive their private car or take taxi, this（which） may result in the pollution of air（air pollution）; the harmful gases may be exhausted, and will be harmful for the people indirectly. Therefore, some people in my community claim that we should not let the new movie built in our neighborhood in order to maintain the present situation-- quite, relax and health life. 这段写了三个缺点，还都挺具体，占文章的分量嫌重了一点
Even though there may be one or two drawbacks in building this movie theater in my neighborhood, the advantages overweight them. First of all, from personal perspective, the new movie theater can make our life easy. Since it is really convenient for us to relax ourselves, （这里用句号）after a whole day work, we need to find a way to release our pressure, （需要连词）watching a movie maybe is the best choice. In addition, a good communication between the whole community can make the atmosphere harmonious, and the movie theatre is a place where people can exchange ideas and talk to each other.（电影院里人们说话么？） The movie theater can provide such a place to help people make friends there; people can have a good communication there, which may release the pressure relationship between neighbors. As a result, building a movie theatre is really of great importance. 最后一句多余
Moreover, build(ing)  a new movie theater in our community can promote development of economics. Since along with the opening of the movie theater, the government may have much more tax than before, and then the government can use this sum of money to build some basic facilities for community, which may improve our life standard. Also, the movie theater can provide some work position for local people, that (which) is to say, it can help the government to solve the problems about unemployment. Thus, building a movie theater in our community can solve some problems related to the economics.
To sum up, although there are some minor disadvantages that (to) building a new movie theater in our community, the advantages are obvious. Just like what I have mentioned above, a movie theater can provide a place for people to communicate and relax; it also can promote the local economics, which may improve the people's life standards indirectly. As the (a) result, I maintain that we should build a new movie theater in my community, since it is really a worthy thing.
gaolingno1 发表于 2009-7-23 22:31

需要：复习定语从句的用法；注意一个句子一个动词的原则，其他在文章里改了。论证的挺流畅的

jiang08UID: 2391146

151. What is the most important animal in your country? Why is the animal important? Use reasons and specific details to explain your answer.

In my country, where many kinds of animals live, when talking about the most important animal, the answer is always Panda （不用大写，另外这段最好提到你所在的国家）. The answer is even unassailable.

No one could deny the importance of panda to my country, especially for foreigners. Compared with all other animals, Panda is the only symbol that can represent the country, one kind of animal that is seen as "National Treasure ". 这里最好加一个环节，说说panda为什么是国宝，下面的事情是国宝的果，而不是因 It is common to see the news that China send panda to other countries  or cities as presents, when panda plays as ambassador that can promote the relationship between countries, bringing about peace and love all over the world.

On the other hand, panda itself is one kind of scarce animal that is on the brink of extinction and also live only in China, restricted itself in very small areas（in very limited areas）. Also, scientists have already predicted that, in recent survey, the number of panda can be reduced to less than 1000 in ten years. More importantly, common sense informs us that there is no chance that we could see panda any more, like dinosaur except in museums, if it were extinct. No one would rather see that moment happen.  What can we do? We have to take care of Panda and make no effort to protect it from danger of extinction. At least, we must stop destroying their living conditions.

China is a country that has a long long history. The existence of panda in such a long period with scant change is a miracle according to Darwin’s evolutionism (The theory of evolution) (不用括号解释了) . In fact, panda has already been accepted as an old friend who can remind us of our history. Chinese people especially love them and cannot stand their lost. Because of this friendship, the relationship between panda and people has already transcended the normal one. And hence, the importance of panda to China can hardly be overrated.

In short, panda is the most important animal in my country. We love panda truly from our deep heart and cannot help but love them.

Word Count: 339
gaovenivv 发表于 2009-7-24 01:24

这题目其实很难写，感觉能写出339个字已经是能说的基本都说了。。。建议第一段可以写上文化交流等等，第三段写感情深厚可以弄点个人例子说说中国人民是多么热爱大熊猫
语言朴实，我觉得很不错

jiang08UID: 2391146

"affairs 的用法再复习下，另外用ing格的动词在从句里的时候注意其支配主语要和句子的主要主语一致"
" 其他没什么问题，论证很流畅"

请问我这个水平能拿多少分？ 哪些地方需要加强
dogshout 发表于 2009-7-24 22:13

俄，打分我没准
加强的地方在文章里标出来了，语言在用词和语法上都可以加强

djy1333UID: 2619415

斑竹··我的· ·

yooooooUID: 2411238

Does modern technology help students learn more information and learn it more quickly?
谢谢！
We are lucky to live, today because there are many modern technology , which make our life
greatly different from the people of old age. There are televisions, computers, mobilephones with
Mp3 and PDF readers.  These modern technology can really help us learn more information and learn
it more quickly.
People life have largely changed from the innovation of televisions, including students. In the
old days, students did not know how the political operate. They maybe had listened who were the
present and his name, but they could not image what he looks like.They also did not know what had
happened in the far distant area, unless read it several days later from news paper.  They never
releazed the science knowledges like  behaviors about insects, birds, fishes and a lot of animals
could be got in such a comfortable way as looking animal world on television.
Computers are a great progess what huam being have made and so as Internet. Nowadays, after
getting up, students' first thing to do was to log on Internet, reading news, watching movies,
doing homeworks. Internet is really a big pool for hundreds of thousands information, which
students are easily connected by kiking the cupboard or using mouse.  Many modern professional
paprers also could be obtain from Internet , which does best help for stundents study.
Mobilephones with Mp3 and PDF readers are commonly used by students ,of course, including me. I
can listen to English songs anywhere and read papers about  my major at any time. They  make
study with more happiness and learn more quickly.
However, some students do not make good use of televisions, computers and mobilephones. They
expend too much time at watching meanless television, playing e-games at computer, watching movie
days and night, seeing fiction on mobilepone,because their self-control is not enough, which does
harm to their health and study. It is very pity for them.
In a word, modern technology help us students learn more informaion and learn it more quickly,
just if you made good us of them.

yooooooUID: 2411238

Progress in civilization is always good?


We human being have made many progresses, especially in the past two huandred years.  Progress have be achieved in many fields, including economy, society, culture, technology,sport and so on.Many progress in civilizationis good, but others may be wrong.

Many progresses make our life more convenient ,our society more comfortable and push civilization aheah greatly.Let us see the progresses China made recently. In the past thirty years, China have made great progess in economy and soeiey , which change the life of people living in this country. The meal there are better. More children go to school, which are not thought of in old times. Almost every family fixed telephones and many bought private car, which is unusual progess compared with the past, in spite it is common in foreigh.In 2008, the 29th Olymypic games was held in Beijing and China got the most golden medals. It demonstate the progress in sport this country has. One country ago, Chinese people had been called the patient of Easten Asia. Nowaday, China is the sport strong coutry. At everyday evening, there are always many people jogging, playing basketball and football outside, no matter in cities or villages.

There are also other progesses which have happened or are happening in China. These progress in civilization are good.However, in my opinion, there are progresses that are not good.Take progess in Atom Physics for example. Sixty years ago, the world war II was ended with a big bang in Japan, which killed hundreds of thousands people in several seconds. The  nuclear leakage happened in Sovit Union twenty years ago also affected people health living there, causing many unnatural dealth. Today, we human being are threatened by atombomb every second. The weapon progress may make the GDP of Amercian higher, but it could means more dealth in MIddle West.

In summer, progess in civilization could be good, but it also could be bad, which depends whether the progress add the welfare of our society.

328字 下午写了2篇 麻烦斑竹

gaovenivvUID: 2617157

13. Some people prefer to eat at food stands or restaurants. Other people prefer to prepare and eat food at home. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Eat food at restaurant or at home? The answer differs from people to people. After all, it is always due to life habits and/or other personal preferences. Personally, I prefer to eat at home for following reasons I would discuss later.

Admittedly, restaurant can always provide more kinds of food that accord with even all kinds of eating styles. For me, I live in areas where seafood can be said as luxury food since it is very scarce. Near my home, there is a very big seafood restaurant that imports their seafood resource from overseas by air transportation. When I was a child, my parents once took me there and I saw lobster for the first time. Even though in fact I do not like seafood, I have to say food there is very good.

Food at restaurant is always delicious, but a signal question now is whether restaurant can bring about more fun to me. In fact, I was tired of waiting at the table, seeing the menu. In contrast, I prefer to cook my food at home in that cooking is a very amazing thing and I really enjoy that. At home, when cooking, I often open some light music and cook something original. I have to say cooking is like a kind of work of art that can always bring about much imagination and I feel like I am an aesthete when I taste the food that only belongs to me.

In addition, compared with restaurant, home can provide us more private space; make us feel freer and also more comfortable. At home, you never need to notice others' attitude or pretend to be a gentleman or gentlewoman. You can just lie on a big sofa; make jokes with friends and taste the food that "only genius could make". At that time, stress and displeasure or any other negative emotions are all gone. Life is like this! It is a big quarry that waited to be discovered. So just forget everything and enjoy the happiness you create by yourself. It is totally amazing!

To sum up, it is true that eating at restaurant is not bad; nevertheless, I prefer to eat at home which can bring me more fun. After all, happiness must be considered as the first and foremost factor to life.

Word Count: 387

For 08, thank you every much and may you long live!
呵呵，说的都是大实话，真是辛苦你了~