08的作文修改小铺子

daney68UID: 2582640

前2段的最后一句没什么问题，第3段就多余了。其他没仔细看，见谅
另外，这片好像有62X个字，稍微长了点，练习的时候限时了么？注意下哦
jiang08 发表于 2009-7-24 11:17

楼主，我的文章结构是先扬后抑来支撑我的观点，人们在20年之后不一定会比现
在有更多的闲暇时间。第二段是写科技给人们带来的好处，第三段和第四段是写
人们遇到的问题。
我打算把第二段进行简化，着重叙述第三段和第四段，第三段我看了一下，觉得
有些啰嗦，打算将例子再写具体简洁一些，你看行吗？

hpplayerUID: 2603146

27. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.   
    In our daily live, we can always face things we do not like to do, such as working overtime, or taking exams. Hence, there raises a controversial topic that whether people should sometimes do loath things. Majority advocate the positive answer, while there are still some opposing voices. As for me, following the mainstream view, I maintain the idea that people should sometimes do loath things.
   Firstly, under some conditions, the environment forces people to do that. In order to survive or have a good live, we have no alternative choice. Consider, for example, most of companies nowadays required their employees have master degree. If we follow our interests and refused to attend university, we may become a loser at very beginning in the job seeking field, let alone having a favorable job. So if we want to enjoy our future life, we may do some things we do not like now.
   Furthermore, through doing some loath things, people may improve their working skills and broaden their views. Take reading for example, since reading is an activity which requires peaceful mind and patience, some vigorous people may treat it as a boring thing. But, if they force themselves to read, they will find books contain boundless knowledge, and also their self-discipline may go higher.
  The last but not the least, in some cases, when one doing things they do not like, they may help other one at the same time . Thing like donation, at first glance, for its non-profit nature, may not an appealing deed. However, in fact, donation is a quite necessary and indispensable activity for others, numerous poor men or weak men rely on this to survive. So, as a member of human beings, we should do those things even we may not like to do.
  Overall, It is indeed necessary and compulsory for us do some things we may not enjoy, if we want to have a standard life and create a humanistic society.

。。。楼主谢谢你。。。。我的作文是不是很烂。。唉。。。

walalaUID: 2603375

LZ新的一篇作文啦~辛苦您啦~我的作文都是限时写的说
Classes: teachers lecture or students do some of the talking(discussion) ?
  Some people argue as if it were a general truth that teachers should do all the talking in class in order to ensure learning efficiency, while others show inclination the the idea of having students discussion. From my own point of view, it’s more advisable to choose the latter, and my reasons are as follows.
  First of all, students will play more active role in learning if they’re endowed with the opportunity to discuss. Most of the time, especially in Chinese classroom, students are afraid of expressing their opinions, since they are taught to respect teachers’ authority. Therefore, most of students actually have many unsolved questions after attending classes. But, if students can have a chance to take part in a group discussion, they would feel free to exchange their opinions and ideas with each other, resulting in better understanding of what teachers have taught. Besides, students would be more active in class because of competition in a the group talking, such as who can arise the most creative question in class.
  Secondly, teachers will get immediate feedback from class and quickly adjust their teaching method. Through students’ response, teachers will be able to learn more about students’ ideas and feelings. Whether students have questions in this section or they are not accustomed to that way of teaching will be reflected by the results of group discussion, correspondingly, teachers would slow the pace or change the teaching method at the aim of helping students study more efficiently. If this condition continues, the overall learning efficiency will be increased to a higer level.
  The last but not the least, providing students with some of the talking will promote harmonious relationship. Classmates can not only play together during breaks, but also study and cooeprate with each other in class, which would definitely contribute to more friendly class atomosphere.
  Admittedly, there would be some problems brought by students discussion such as talking about issues unrelated to class or some students would ignore others’ thoughts. But based on the above illustrations, it’s quite natural to make a conclusion that having students talking in class has more advantages than disadvantages. So, schools and teachers should consider to give students a chance to talk in class.

jlmjackyUID: 2471681

感觉有点跑题 请点评一下
Advertisements waste money and time of companies because consumers know what they want to buy


In our modern society, advertisements have become one of the necessary methods to publicize commodities. However, some people do not accept this way, in their view, advertisements waste money and time because customers know what they want to buy. From a personal point, I disagree with this point. Advertisement is an important commercial method, and it could bring us convenience, save our time on shopping ,help us to keep more money and, at the same time, buy ideal products .

At the beginning, it is indeed the companies have spent a large amount of money on the advertisements, through different medias such as newspapers, magazines, the Internet and so on, employed stars to publicize their goods. Although all of these activities need millions of dollars, everybody could see their products no matter where and when. The directly results are we could save our time on walking to the shop and comparing everything we want. We could sit behind the TV or computer then make a call or send an e-mail. As a consequence, the good you chose will send to you home on time. If there is no advertisement, buying one thing should cost us at least one hour, and maybe we could not purchase a satisfied product.

Moreover, it is doubtless the companies want consumers buying their products, so that they must spend a lot of money to show the public that their sell an ideal product with a low price. For instance, two months age, I want to buy a new mp3 player, but I didn't have an idea which one is better. Surfing Internet, I contrast different advertisements of products, to balance the price, the functions, the shape, I bought one. I still use this mp3 player well, and the information from the advertisements is helpful. The useful information not only help us saving money from the tight budget, but also help us buying the ideal product effectively.

As a coin has two side, maybe there are some disadvantages about the advertisements. Such as few companies irresponsibly exaggerate the functions of their products, or some factories want to sell their unqualified products to deceive consumers through false advertisements. But, these circumstances are with rarely probability, and these could not become a powerful reason to reject the advertisements.

To sum up, all of us living in the modern society, we are enjoying the convenience of the advertisements, they help us reducing the time spending on buying one good, saving our money on purchasing similar products, and providing the information of the ideal things which we most need. Advertisement is an effective way to the public and a beneficial way to the companies.

diamondcatUID: 2659135

刚写的，心里没底啊，先谢谢08大侠了
Are student’s efforts more important than their grades? Although I concede that this practice might contribute to students' psychological health, on balance, however, I believe this statement is a bad idea because this might mislead students to pretend to be hard-working and to study ineffectively.  

I concede that awarding students for effort has its merit. Since good grade is no longer the only criteria, most students will have a happier experience in school. They will not suffer extreme anxiety before the exam, fearing get bad marks which would incur punishment from parents and scoff from peers. Instead, without such tremendous pressure, they can more focus on study itself, enjoying the process of learning.  
However, awarding students for effort carries several significant risks, which makes me disagree with the statement on balance. One of the dangers is misleading students to pretend to work hard. For example, some boys may sit in the front row and take notes down in order to give teachers a good impression. In fact, however, what they really think in mind are video games, exciting football match last night or pretty girls sit beside. Moreover, they are no longer willing to review what they have learned after school, since this effort will not be observed by their teachers. In the end, they can still get award, and even greater award than those who really work hard and get an outstanding grade. As a result, this statement is very likely to be counterproductive, encouraging students to pretend to be diligent rather than exert more real effort on study.   
Another dangerous risk is discouraging students who study effectively. For instance, some students who have good study habit—reviewing notes every night, being concentrated while they are doing homework, knowing the fast reading skills--can master what they have learned faster than average students. Therefore, they can use thus saved time for other purposes that interest them, such as playing basketball or volunteer work. Yet, this might give their teachers and classmates an impression of making little efforts on study. Hence, they will not receive appreciation they deserved even if they do a good job in exam. For ineffective students, there would be less motivation to improve they efficiency. Perhaps more severely, graduates who are trained under such educational concept are very likely to be rejected by companies where people’s capability is measured by the profits they create rather than the efforts they exert.  

To sum up, I disagree that we should attach more importance to students’ effort rather than their grade. Considering the risk it carries that would greatly undermine the quality of education, its merits are insignificant.

oyeahotUID: 2110583

我发觉你们写的文章都很长，其实300字就能拿高分了，看你怎么论述了。

chinabjbUID: 2555009

幸苦了！。。。
A&D:people today spend too much on enjoyment--what they like to do rather what they should do.

Different kinds of entertainments are emerging in the 21st century, for example, going to karaoke, watching television shows and travelling abroad. People, as a result, are spending more time having fun, which leads the controversial issue-- Are people spending too much time in doing entertainment? In my view, it is acceptable for the whole society that people doing what they like.  

First of all, enterntainment can bring people with fun and make them feel relaxed. I like to watch televition a lot. Recently, I'm watching  "Friends"  again because the three guys in the show always make me lough. Each time when Chanle speaks with his fingers moving, I loughed out. And I also have fun when Joy, Ross and other guys make stupid things. By watching this show, I feel relaxed and forget all the boring and confusing events at the moment.     

Moreover, every has the right to do those things they like. There does not exist a law requires that each citizen must work an exact number of hours every  day, and there also exist no law that claim an indivual should do the exact thing. Every one is equal and they have the right to do what they appritiate, including doing entertainment. Can a teacher teaching the children in the school in the whole day, without any entertainmet? Can a doctor standing in the operation room healing his/her patient all day, without any entertainment? The answer are both no. They need times to rest and relax and entertainment is a good means.

Lastly, people in the past have spent too much times on their works. People in the past have spent too much time in earning money, although they have enough food to eat, enough clothes to wear, and a comfortabel house to live, specially in China. As the society develops, people gredually understand that all the things they have done is to pursue happiness and this can be obtianed in a simple way--doing what you like. Different kinds of Entertainments provid people with fun. People can now travel to other countries for relaxing or go to karaoke to relieve pressure. When they back, they will have the work done with one hundred concentration.  

To sum up, people have the right to do what they like, and this will benefit both themselves and the society.

yooooooUID: 2411238

We can divide things into enjoying doing ones and not enjoying doing ones. Also, we can clarify it to two kinds: necessary ones and not necessary ones. Then, the problem is, whether we should do not enjoying doing things sometimes? Surely, we should. Because the not enjoying doing things are usually necessary ones.

We all have our goals, and to achieve them, necessary things have to be done, which is the prerequisite. Opportunities are belong to the kinds persons who have done prepared for them. However, the necessary prerequisite things are not all that we like to do. For example, to learn English well, we have to spend many times to remember words and phrases. Also, to add our oral expression skills, we have to say to ourselves sometimes, because there are no English environments. It's really a hard work so that sometimes, I want to give up. But, I didn't. I know, if I am not work hard enough today, then I have to frown when communicate with foreign in English, since the meaning what I want to express is not understood.   

There are also sometimes, we need to give up something we enjoy just for doing the ones we not enjoy. Take consumption for example. We all like to expend money to buy things we like, but sometimes I cannot do it, because the money we have is not enough for all things we want. Then, we stop to buy these ones, and deposit it or invest it, just for the future expense.

There are many different things we do not enjoy doing for different people. For sport athletes, they may do not like do exercises, for singers, they may do not like to perform always, for movie star, they may hope to rest for a few days but they cannot. As human beings, we should sometimes do things that we not enjoy doing.

315

raboxUID: 2594563

第一次发。望狠批
15. Neighbors are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbor? Use specific details and examples in your answer.

Different people would have different ideas about what makes a good neighbor. However, as fa as I'm concerned, there are some qualities that all the people would agree as the indispensible ones for an ideal neighbor. These qualities are respectful, caring and community-minded respectively.
First of all, a good neighbor should be respectful. Unless one treats other people with courtesy as well as respects, he/she could not gain respect from other people in turn. The respective manner is always the lubricant for a smooth social relationship and the foundation of mutual respect. To be respecteful means that one should not interfere others' private lives, and be willing to forgive other people's small mistakes. It is not just a method to make others happy, we should remember that it is one of the most important way to construct a harmonious environment for living, which is free of hatred and meaningless disputes and quarrels.
Secondly, a good neighbor should be caring. To be caring is a further step than to be just respectful and kind to others. It means that you should not be indifferent to other peoples problems and difficulties but be helpful to them when they need other people's help. No one want to be left alone when he is got trapped in difficulties in his life, so that any kind of help, even the smallest one, would make him feel warm. One should remember that helping others also means helping yourself. The one cutting himself from the society and turn a deaf ear to neighbors' woe would taste the loneliness and indifference once cast onto other people by him.
Finally, a good neighbor should be community minded. It is also a further step than to be helpful. To be community minded means that one always keeping the interests of the whole community in mind, instead of just worrying about the gains and losses of his own small circle. A good neighbor is always the one concerning about the construction and development of his community and actively engaging in offering his own ideas and advices.
In summary, there are numerous qualities which should be possessed by a good neighbor, while being respectful, caring as well as being community-mined are the most important three qualities. If all the people all fulfill such three requirements, I believe that all the community would be perfect for us to live in.

lilingziUID: 2637207

Which do you prefer—planning or not planning for your leisure time?

Talking about leisure time could make every one recall some sweet memory of his/her holiday life. But to schedule our holiday or not is always a very popular argument. To my personal, I would like to have my free time planned and make sure I can really have some days off. Here goes my reason.

To begin with, never do I have any doubt about owning a vacation plan, because I have to make sure how much time I have and how many things I can do. If I take too many activities in the holiday, I may tire myself. On the other hand, if I set few entertainments for myself, It will be no fun and joy during the free time. For instance, I used to do no schedule for my summer holiday. Usually, I find that I do not leave enough time for myself to finish holiday homework and get punished when I go back to school. In the next holiday, I went to another extreme condition, I stay at home all the time doing my homework. Then, the result came out that I finish them too early and I missed some meeting with my former classmates. So I finally understand the importance of leisure time plan.

Moreover, to have a plan for my holiday could make me get prepared for the vacation activities. Most of the time, the so called leisure time could be a long period which contains several days or months, so these free days allow us to have some entertainments that cost more time relatively. For example, we will be quite excited if we are having a trip to another country during our vacation, or we may go to some else place to have a cooler summer or warmer winter. And no matter going to an else country or city will require us to pack up our clothes and daily things. If we do the packing just before leaving, it will be a rush, because it seems not enough time for us to think about which dress is better for the climate there. But to do these thinking before the holiday could be a solution to this dilemma.

All in all, I have to confess that no matter we plan the leisure time or not, we definitely could have a plenty of joy when we are enjoying it. But after I have seen the merit of having a schedule and tasted the goodness of being prepared, I believe that I would like to have my free time scheduled rather than not.

jiang08UID: 2391146

Should the government focus more onpreserving nature environment and less on economic development? (08.1.12)

1. Environmental problem threaten our life.
2. Environmental problem is impairing theeconomic development.

For recent decades, environmental problemis more severe and now it is a global threat. Pollution in river, soil andocean hasundermined our physical or even mental health, as well as so-called

prosperity. It is the very time, that we and our government shouldpay more attention
to those pressing environmentalproblem. Politicians must think of sustainable development rather than economicexpansion.

Firstly, our planet, the earth, is subtlychanging to a non-habitable planet. Since the industrial revolution, manyhazardous and lethal compounds have been created and disposed into atmosphere,river and soil. As a result, tremendous creatures were extinct, and theendangered species list is growing exponentially. Sooner or later, the lastbone of the dominoes, human race, will fall down in a chain reaction. It isobvious that only those environmental problems, such as global warming, ozonehole and potable water scarcity, be solved, or we could not find any clear andsafe place on earth.
If we and ourgovernment are still careless about the environmental protection, and hungerfor the illusion of prosperous economy, the day of judgment will coming soon.

A common misconception is that economicaldevelopment should be treated as first priority, and other problems will besolved when we reach the high prosperous economic state. Unfortunately, this isjust a modern myth. Ironically, the environmental problem has impaired ourso-called prosperous global economy.这句话是不是倒过来说更好呢？因为人们重视经济发展，而可悲的是经济发展会影响到环境，因而影响人类生存条件 According to research by Americanscientists, the fundamental industy--agriculture, suffering slow productivereduction. This phenomenon is a result of the underground water levelirreversible decline. What is more, to bolster （up 多余）the manufacture industry, more and more croplands were coveredby biofuel plants. However, it is frustrated to say; only one-gallon biofuel becreated by the cost of half-gallon gasoline or diesel. Worse still, thoseactions heighten the risk of famine. Those inconvenience facts will harm globaleconomy, and finally bring down our social civilization. If those predictionsbecome facts, for our government and us, that is too late to handlecatastrophic environmental and economic consequences.

In conclusion, because both of people’shealth and global economic structure are impaired by environmental problem, itis recommend （to us and our government 多余） that the first need of all is pollutioncontrol and we cannot equate economy growth with goodness. Unless we stopabusing our vital life-support systems, they will fail. We must maintain them,or pay penalty.The penalty is death. 如果有兴趣的话，结论可以写写要可持续发展，先控制好环境才能有经济发展。
文赋 发表于 2009-7-24 10:47

貌似已经改过了？看得比较粗，不过你语言啥本来就不错了，之前说的语法错误不太看到了，继续加油哈

jiang08UID: 2391146

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: nowadays, people are becoming more and more concerned about appearance and fashion. Use specific examples and details to support your answer.

=============================================
Recently, appearance and fashion have become a hot topic of gossip. Some say that people emphasize more intrinsic things than appearance, but I agree that people are becoming more and more concerned about appearance and fashion nowadays. There are two reasons about this.

First, the populace（popularity） of computer and Internet let（makes） people （be 多余）easier affected by fashion and appearance. Information technology diversifies advertisement. For example, in the past, most forms of advertisement (缺动词were) limited on（to，固定搭配） paper post,（两个并列的事物中间用and） TV. But now, we see advertisements on all kinds of web page which we browser（browse） everyday, on PC games and so on. As we all know advertisement always shows people what a good appearance of a thing and hide its intrinsic part. Since（表达“因此”？用Hence）, we see advertisements everyday no matter where we are, we live in the sea of beautiful appearance, so we are easier influence （more easily influenced） by appearance and fashion.能不能具体说说网页/尤喜上会出现哪些和容貌有关的广告？

Second, complex life in modern society makes people ignore essence of things（这个“A让人们B”的句型有些中式，而且两段开头都用这个，建议换下，比如：Second, people tend to ignore the essence of things due to the complex modern life）. As fact that (? In fact？) we need（缺to） study more things, operate more complex equipments, contact with more diverse persons to live in modern society. Because we must deal with so many things, we have no time to devote into one thing to know its essence. Take the example of eating cake（要么eating a cake要么eating cakes）. In the past, we make cake with (in) a simple way, and eat the same kind of cake for a long time, so we remember the flavor of this kind cake clearly even ten years later. But now, we have huge choices of kinds of (a huge choice of)  cake. We eat this kind today and other kinds tomorrow.(表达太中式，建议: We pick a different kind of cake every day.) At last, (缺主语) forget which kind （缺of）cake we have actually eaten. 这个例子举的不好，首先是吃蛋糕和关于容貌/服饰的关系？感觉你应该是想写因为生活里诱惑太多，人们变得越来越肤浅，那么可以考虑写：电视里人们的完美形象刺激化妆品的消费；cosmo这样的杂志刺激消费……其次，就蛋糕这个例子本身而言，也不太恰当，谁说以前的人cake选择少了？并且没有办法说每天吃不一样的就记不住味道，再者，记不住味道又怎么肤浅了……

In conclusion, IT（information technology? 全文出现的次数很少，不要缩写，并且，你的第二段和IT也没有关系，不建议这里写到IT） makes us contact a lot of things （这个中式句型又出现了）and give us more and more choices. We are attracted by these beautiful appearances and have no time to know essence. So we are becoming more and more concerned about appearance and fashion nowadays.


谢谢08了，你是好人，送你好人卡一张。……竟然被送了好人卡，哭……
rabienrose 发表于 2009-7-24 14:50

觉得你审题可能稍微有点偏了，全文就没有展开说过什么是你理解中的fashion and appearance。要讨论它是否变得更重要，你必然要说说你认为它是什么。
另外提到的那个中式句型要好好改进，很多动词可以替代make/let，一般是把你现在的句子前后颠倒的，平时阅读注意留心动词的用法。

jiang08UID: 2391146

第一篇计时写的。。。希望大人帮我往死里PIA~！！！ 囧，为什么要叫我大人……

2. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


It has been a long-time controversy among people that whether parents are the best teachers for （the 多余，泛指） children. Some people hold the view that parents are the best teachers since they know their children better than anyone else in the world. However, in my point of view, in most cases parents can not be the best teachers for the reasons I list below.

Confessedly（不确定能这么用？Admittedly）, parents are the ones (缺that) children got first contact with in the world since born and parents can educate their kids to some extend due to（according to?） the length of time they be (用are) together. They can give children first lessons about the basic skills they need as a member of the society such as walking, talking, thinking and so forth. Also, they can teach them the rules of the community and basic concepts of ethic and moral. To some extend（extent，注意这个词组在较短时间内出现2次）, parents can indeed educate their kids.

Yet, we cannot come to the conclusion thoroughly that parents are the best teachers for the kids. Firstly, as adults, personal experiences will vary their viewpoints of the same thing and sometimes they（其实是说parents，但是这句话前面没有出现父母，因而指代不清） will impose their points of view on the children which is undoubtedly bad for the development of the children's personalities. For example, children form the family which is luxury（from rich families） will  easily develop the habit of wasting money when grow (growing) up. （注意这句话的easily，太过绝对，建议用may） And children come (coming) from the family with members had experience of being treated unfairly (formerly-unfarily-treated families) will be cynical. 建议这里分段 Additionally, even if parents can surely be good examples of the（for） their children, good teacher need to be qualified with more things such as skills and knowledge in a specific filed. There is no one gain the ability to hold all knowledge of all realms（Nobody is able to gain knowledge from all realms） and that's why we have the career as teacher in the society.（Good point） To general, teachers can lead the students to a further study of the knowledge and they are the specialists of teaching. From this point of view, parents can not be the best teachers for their kids since teacher is such a special career that a big group of people may share this role in the society. 最后2句和前面的意思雷同，累赘

In sum, I cannot deny that parents are the first teachers for a child. However, they cannot be the best teachers since they cannot know all things a child need in the further（future） life. 注意你写反方用了两个理由，而在结论段只写出了一个，建议要么写完整2个，要么不写。

Word Count: 386
makerain62 发表于 2009-7-24 15:14

总体而言论证很流畅，关于教师的作用建议再想想别的，除了术业有专攻之外，比如能不能和学校的大环境联系起来？

jiang08UID: 2391146

汽车二十年后会不会减少

It is car that makes the world go around. As one of the greatest invention in the last century, the car, making the world closer, brought about an incomparable impact. Two hundred years ago, our ancestors could not imagine what would their world be when they invented the car, which is generally used nowadays. However, when we are facing the same question, it is still hard for us to give a truly predictable answer. Will cars be reduced after twenty years? I believe the answer is affirmative.
Recently there is a growing awareness that cars are not as convenient as we thought in the past. Increasing number of cars brings a lot of pressure to（on） public transportations. Most of the work-persons （working people） prefer walking home to driving private cars because of the inevitable traffic jams.这句话必须要加地点来修饰，在美国情况完全不一样 Some exports（reports？） said that public transportations are overloading（被动） in many cities, and if we still do not make any plan or policy for these extra cars, they will not be useful at all. Some people begin to complain that even though they live far away from their workplaces, taking other transportations like bicycles or subways can still be faster than driving cars. To avoid more and more inconveniences from car, people are considering finding a better replacement.
Besides, with the development of technology, we can see more new vehicles in the future, and some useful but small-range-use vehicles, like ships and airplanes, will be improved a lot. Fossil energy will be gradually superseded by solar energy, so the cars also will be supplanted. Most of people are looking forward to having smaller personal airplanes so that they can go to anywhere they hope for business or travelling with fewer limits. It is not difficult for us to imagine that there will be numerous private planes flying in the sky after twenty years and we will not find any cars anymore. 从段落逻辑上来看，这段写了替代性的交通工具，很好。但是容我质疑一下小型飞机？每天开着它回家？我觉得说新型的节能汽车可能好些？
Furthermore, under the impact from the financial crisis, many investors gradually find that the industry of car（the car industry） cannot bring benefits to them anymore, so they prefer investing more money in other fields. Without any profits, many entrepreneurs in developed countries start to give up car industry and focus on new technology field like biology. 这句和前一句意思重复，把biology放在上一句末尾，other fields like biology (不过生物赚钱？美国学术界的生物是奖学金很多但是工作很那啥。。) In this occasion, we can hardly hope that car industry can make a miracle to save itself from the financial crisis.
Admittedly, we cannot deny that cars are still playing an important role in our daily lives. Maybe during the next five or even more year, cars will be unchangeable if we do not find better vehicles. Our lives will be restricted without cars. But, cars ever made the world smaller. If we want to make it much smaller, what can we do? Since cars cannot be helpful to solve this problem, we are supposed to change our minds to find a new way to make our lives better. 结尾有点散了，先让步写车对于现在生活仍然很重要，然后就写由于以上三方面，我相信二十年后会有另一番图景。
djy1333 发表于 2009-7-24 22:26

终于批到你的作文了……俄
语言和语气都很流畅，语病也很少。只是开头和结尾可以考虑再简洁一些

jiang08UID: 2391146

Does modern technology help students learn more information and learn it more quickly?
谢谢！
We are lucky to live, today（逗号的位置） because there are many modern technology , which make our life
greatly different from the people of old age. There are televisions, computers, mobilephones with
Mp3 and PDF readers.  These modern technology can really help us learn more information and learn
it more quickly. 最后一句最好加上一个I agree的头。
People life have largely changed from the innovation of televisions, including students. (注意句子的顺序，现在看来student是电视的一部分。。建议换一下语序：The innovation of television greatly changed people's life, including students'.) In the
old days, students did not know how the political operate.要加上地点修饰，各个国家情况很不一样 They maybe had listened who were the
present and his name（They may have heard about the president）, but they could not image (imagine)  what he looks like.They also did not know what had
happened in the far distant area, unless read it several days later from news paper（不要分开）.  They never
releazed the science knowledges like  behaviors about insects, birds, fishes and a lot of animals
could be got in such a comfortable way as looking animal world on television. 这里说的信息闭塞和学生有什么关联？

Computers are a great progess what huam being have made and so as Internet. Nowadays, after
getting up, students' first thing to do was to log on Internet, reading news, watching movies,
doing homeworks.（早上起床后，上学前能做那么多事？？） Internet is really a big pool for hundreds of thousands information, which
students are easily connected by kiking the cupboard or using mouse（just a click away 注意cupboard是碗橱。。。）.  Many modern professional
paprers also could be obtain（被动） from Internet , which does best help for stundents study.（没有do help for这种搭配）  这一段说的是学生习惯用互联网，但是没有说internet如何帮助学生学习？除了说到有paper，但是篇幅太少，一带而过

Mobilephones with Mp3 and PDF readers are commonly used by students ,of course, including me. I
can listen to English songs anywhere and read papers about  my major at any time. They  make
study with more happiness and learn more quickly.（They make my study more joyful and efficient）

However, some students do not make good use of televisions, computers and mobilephones. They
expend (spend) too much time (at多余) watching meanless（meaningless） television (缺programs), playing e-games at computer （computer games）, watching movie
days and night, seeing fiction on mobilepone,because their self-control is not enough, which does
harm to their health and study. It is very (,which is a) pity for them.
In a word, modern technology help(helps) us students learn more informaion and learn it more quickly,
just if you made good us of them.(注意人称一致，前半句是us students，后半句不要用you)
yoooooo 发表于 2009-7-25 15:10

论证的漏洞比较大，没有实质性的提到电脑对学习的帮助，（手机上那段可以）
另外语法错误比较多，多加油