08的作文修改小铺子

jiang08UID: 2391146

8日考试 急需修改指点 谢谢
38 Learning about the past has no value for those of us living in the present. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
学习历史对于我们今天没有价值，同意与否？
不同意。
1历史是经验和有用的信息提供给今天的人们: 科学家通过学习历史研究前进,考古学家学习历史了解世界以前
2通过历史可以了解自己的国家民族，定位自己
3一味强调历史会限制创新精神或无法认清现实

History has been an independent subject and boundary of academic researches for years, and controversy' arises from whether it is pragmatic for modern people to learn history. Most （Some）people claim that history has almost no value for present living and suggest that modern life is totally distinctive from lives from history recording. This idea is strongly opposed by numerous people who hold the opinion that history bequeaths us a substantial amount of fortune including experience, culture resources, it deserves laborious and serious study. From my perspective, my contention is placed on the latter one.

As I see it, there are two fundamental arguments for rendering my sympathy to learning history is（，which are） practical and useful (这两者的区别？). The first is relevant to precious information and invaluable experience history gave us. According to this argument, I have to mention scientific research, since history study is an inevitable process for any science projects. For example, Copernicus, a prominent astronomy in the Middle century, generated the heliocentric idea from Aristarchus, an ancient Greece astronomy and mathematician 1700 years before Copernicus. The unique of（uniqueness about） Copernicus theory is that he proved the theory through astronomy observation and calculation; namely, the theory is tested in scientific method. Consequently, we may conclude that Copernicus's heliocentric theory combined of history with his work. It is not rare that in scientific research scientist utilize the previous research and ancient explanation in some ways, while the prerequisite is that we can excavate them from history memory.

Another reason yields to the identity of a person in a country or nation, whose features are decided by history. The invariable function of history relates to present（这个是动词还是形容词？） people a vivid picture of nation culture background and a proceeding of a country's growing（growth）. Like China, Egypt, and India, we know them from the original history, civilization resources and versatile culture enable those countries remarkable and cryptic nations in ancient time. And all residents are proud of being as a generation of such a country. Furthermore, history offers us a discernable identity which explains our tradition, customs, and so forth. In China, from five thousand years ago, people have comprehended the spirit of Kongzi（Confucius） and modern culture in China still has embraced a sort of Kongzi elements. Like Mid-autumn day, we all know that day(这个句型出现两遍了不得不指出，很中式，语法也有问题，建议：We all know Mid-Autumn Day；之前的那句：We know China, Egypt and India from the XXXX)  is honor of an ancient literature giant, whose story is （household 多余) well-known. In accords with our social spirit, only return back（only by returning） to the history book can we discover answers for countless phenomena in modern society.

However, undue emphasis on history will undermine our innovation ability and become over-optimistic. The implication words of a country who always mark its valuable history may infer that we are not the most developed country today now but I owe the erudite culture and splendid history. And this self-satisfied idea will horribly devastate an animate country, that is, the innovation spirit（the spirit of innovation）. History informs us (缺that) any country who disregard（s） the capability of innovation will pay back. China comes into my mind immediately. China fall （过去时）down since Qing Dynasty on account that the empire was never willing to accept new ideas and manufacture industry from western world; finally, the empire's dream broke up when western country invaded in capital city of Qing Dynasty. Conspicuously（在这里的意思？想说consequently?）, future developing (development) never ceases to see back to the history.

In sum, people should realize the critical sense of learning history. History exerts pragmatic effects for arts, science, politics, and social spirit, so history is a invaluable resource for education. But depending on the history, we should never cease to submerge by past, (句号) future deserves more working.

lydia_qiqi 发表于 2009-7-28 13:21

逻辑论证很强，但是下次练习要注意定时

jiang08UID: 2391146

很谢谢LZ，实在很担心作文捏，不知道有没有机会被批改到，如果没有时间的话就帮我看看，稍微点评都好哦，不用挨着改，因为实在觉得水平不高，汗呀~~~

“when people succeed,it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.” Do you agree or disagree.


Success equals to 99% of hard working and 1% of luck.

It （it指代不明）can take different fators into consideration when we talks about success. Pesistence,motivation,confidence, oppprtunities and so on,which may vary to people. However,a long-term hard woring（？） is no doubt the most common one. In addition, we have （also多余） to adimit that some other factors make contribute (contribution) to success（可以加个as well）. Luck is an epitome (这个词到底是要表达运气是锦上添花还是必不可少？epitome是summary的意思),as I can concerne（as far as I'm concerned）. 后面语言不帮你一个个改啦，见谅

The most famous inventor Edsion summarized his success 99% of hard working and 1% of luck. So what is luck? There is no clear defintion on it. We can consider it as a combination of opportunities,experiences and even coincedences. We all know that how much hard work Edison had do to find the best materials for a bulb,which must be economically available and long-lasting. But we didn’t pay enough attention to the good luck he held. He was lucky enough to persist on, lucky enough to have a interest and get a chance to reseach it, lucky enough to have many people laugh at him ,and he’s lucky enough to suceed finally（坚持似乎不是运气吧，有机会研究可以，被人嘲笑也是运气？）! I am not ascribing all his huge success to luck,however, I cannot refuse he was lucky enough,either.

Let’s take a look at Newton’s experience,which is anther example of lucky stories. Newton,a famous psycialist of Greatbraton,had been making a research of thoeries of subjects’motion for a long time. One day, he saw an apple dropping from the appletree,then he researched deep enough and finally find the grativity. Considering this,that is you or me,not Newton, watched this,can we discovery such a theory? Of couse not. For we did’t major in that area and we had little experience and konwlege about it. In other words, we’re not sensitive to that kind of phonomenon just like Newton. We also can call this ,a kind of luck. Such a kind of luck is made up of experience and professional qualities. Obviously, Newton is lucky to had so much experience it needs to dicovery grativity. 这个运气和经验的联系很好

这个题目还是写个让步比较稳妥，写一下hard work也是必不可少的。可以继续用前面两段的例子，假设那两个人有luck没有努力，结果会怎样不同

Although everyone want to be sucessful,we can't expect it wihout efforts. Lots of efforts are the fundermental for a successful person. The luck,which is important to a success, comes with uncountable experients and experiences of failure. Persist on what you want,and never give up, the luck which will lead you a success,will come and knack（knock） at the door.

再次感谢LZ~~
wawadd 发表于 2009-7-28 15:52

jiang08UID: 2391146

刚开始练习作文，水平很滥，请狠拍~~。。谢谢。 还有请问是多背文章好，还是多写好呢？很迷茫，写起来速度很慢，背又觉得通用性并不太好，而且也不知背哪些资料合适。恳求斑竹能能提供个较为合适的入门方法或背诵资料。万分感谢。

多念多背，也要写，但是输入要多些。背诵的目的不是直接就可以把句子拿来作文上用，当然如果能这样也很好。但是更重要的是培养所谓的语感。很多表达方法是可以举一反三的，语感好了写作自然会流畅，对于语法用词都会敏感很多。材料的话我觉得新概念3/4不错。

Do you agree or disagree an intelligent friend is more important than a humor one? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your choice.

Friends! Who don’t have friends? Friends play a significant role in our life. Some people are in favor of intelligent friends, while others believe that humor friends can make them relaxation. From my opinion of view, even though there are one or two minor advantages that humor friends lead to, the merits that intelligent friends bring about further（far） outweigh them（句子太长，已经看不清them的指代对象）.

It is true that some people are fond of intelligent friends because they can help these people solve the problems in study. Asking for help to an intelligent friend will be best choice when a student is confused by physical（physics吧？） or mathematical problems. For instance, my friend who is an intelligent student often assisted me in explaining the theory of mathematic of confusion in his spare time. He explained the theory accurate（ly） and clear（ly） by given（giving） details or special reasons, so I usually acquire much help.

Another merit is that an intelligent friend can make correct analysis when we are faced with a difficult choice. If there is a spare place, will to build（building） a factory or to set up（setting up） a supermarket bring more profits to the owner of the place? For a graduate of university, will to go on study or to find a job（同理，注意will的用法） take advantage of his/her development in the future? An intelligent friend is capable of conclude（concluding） the correct result by analyzing all aspects of advantage and disadvantage of the event. Also, according to a survey conducted by a well-known institution, the correct possibility of analyzing problems is three times the size of normal people’s.  这个科研证明的结论没看懂，正常人就不分析问题？我还是不建议写这些没头没脑的数据，漏洞太多。

Admittedly, the humor friends will let people fell（feel） relaxed when some troubles cause them anxiety. For example, a student is worrying with his/her marks of final exam for he/she did not attach importance to learning（如果真的不在意的话也不会担心成绩了，只能说是不够用工，而这个和你要说的幽默的朋友也没有关系，所以可以不写）. Some humor words may relieve his/her burden to some degree. However, the essence of the problem is not solved. Therefore, it is not a good idea to release self（oneself） from anxiety depends（depending） on a humor（humorous） friend. 最后一句结论没必要。这一段是让步写幽默朋友的好处，写到可以放松心情就行。况且在一时无法结局问题的时候放松心情也没啥不好的

To sum up, although humor friends may give people a relaxed mood once in a while, intelligent friends are more important for them as these friends will help people resolve problems in study and make correct selection（smart choices）.


再次感谢。好人啊~~~
qamcdma 发表于 2009-7-29 06:32

jiang08UID: 2391146

谢谢08的指导~~这次我也是用软件随机抽了再写的~~麻烦08再看看吧~~

137. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.   

As it is known to us, education is so crucial to everyone in the world that it not only can help us to become full-grown man, but also can lead us to a better life in the future. To ensure the quality of the education, I don't agree with the statement that high schools should allow students to study the courses they want to study for the reasons I list below.

Given the role of high school in the society, it is the place where children can gain knowledge as well as the origin of the talent people in need of the society. When designing the courses, educators should take both the needs of students and need of whole society into consideration. The students themselves, as undeveloped individuals, can not make wise decisions when choosing the courses due to the limitations of their own. It is easy to imagine that courses that are interesting will attract most of the students in the school and this will surely break the balance of the society. What if there are only graduates good at arts or sports? It will greatly inhibit the improvement of human communities

Although the old saying goes that "interest is the best teacher", it can not convince me that students should only study courses they like. To be a full（fully） developed man, child（a teenager比较好，child年纪更小些） must try different things and gain valuable experiences from failures. Moreover, interest is developed by long-time of study sometimes. There are indeed some courses that students pay no interest in at first, however, after long time of study, they fail（fall）in love with these subjects. From this point of view, parents or school must help the students to decide what courses they should learn.

What's more, it is undoubtedly that people must have some skills to live on. There is（are） few ones（people） that can combine their interests and jobs together. One should learn something that he can make a living on in the future. How can they know which subject is competitive in the work force? The answer is school. Only school can make the conclusion that which courses are necessary for them no matter what they will do in the future. Also, only the school can divide different courses into groups which can help the students to make better decision.

In sum, taking the requirement of the whole society, the limitations of the students own and the jobs they will make a living on into consideration, students can not only（注意这里not only连在一起会有误解，把only放在study后面） study courses they like. To contribute to a better future of the individual and the whole society, schools should help the students to make a wise choice of the courses.

对了，还有08对我上一篇作文的评语是关于结尾应该再完美一点，这次我基本上都把论述点在结尾处提到了~~看看可不可以把。。。。
唉。。总觉得自己语言很差阿。。小学生一样。还有因为是现想的提纲，可能思路和例子上会有一点问题。。。08也说说的看法吧，我争取再去收点素材
makerain62 发表于 2009-7-29 15:27

没觉得语言小学生吧……比较朴实，但是不是缺点。
至于你说现想的提纲，T作文没有题库，就是要培养自己现想现写得能力。我觉得你的思路没什么大问题，但是注意后2个原因都在一段内又写了其他的原因（What's more; also...）最好不要这样，逻辑有些散

jiang08UID: 2391146

考前最后一篇啦~再次谢谢08无私的帮助^^
Students should take the most difficult class in colleges or at university, even if you can’t get the top grades in them.

   With the increasing consciousness of the importance of education, universities and colleges are making more efforts in order to provide students with the education they desire. Nowadays, students are facing the difficulty of picking up suitable courses since schools offer them so many classes to choose. While some people suggest that students should take the most difficult class to improve their abilities, from my own point of view, I disagree with the opinion and my reasons are as follows.

First and also the most important, students should choose courses based on their own interests rather than on how difficult the courses are. Colleges and university are intended to give students the opportunity to find their real interests and further develop them, not to let students show that performs better in the difficult courses. To a student who has great desire in learning geology, it is unreasonable to force him to choose complex courses like philosophy in which he shows little interest. Therefore, it’s important to allow students choose what they really enjoy, which would be beneficial to their future development.

Besides, poor performance in difficult courses will discourage students from learning. There’s no denying that people are different, while some students are good at learning knowledge, others may find studying （is可以不用） a challenging task. So, when all the students are required to take the difficult courses, there would appear distinctive gap between their performances. Those who don’t do well in these courses may feel upset and worried or even lose heart in studying （study，有名次就先用名词，没有名词再用该动词的ing形式）since their overall performance is affected by these hard courses. On the other hand, students who are strong in getting high score or probably good at this particular difficult course will feel confident and get more rewards. As a result, this requirement is in someway unfair and should be avoided in the university system.

In addition, students will lose（waste？） much of their spare time because of hard work on these difficult courses. When students are demanded to take the challenging courses, many of them will spend much （more？）time on studying these courses, resulting in less time for enjoyment. Students pay more attention and do more preparations on the complicated classes in order to have a better performance, and if this situation continues, students will feel exhausted and depressed because of the tiring work.

Based on the reasons stated above, it’s quite natural to draw the conclusion that students needn’t（don't need） to take the most difficult courses if they don't want to. Students should be endowed with the chance to choose whatever they like and develop their unique interests in colleges or universities.
walala 发表于 2009-7-29 18:21

最后一篇啦，状态保持得不错，劳逸结合，考试加油！

jiang08UID: 2391146

8月2号就考试啦，麻烦LZ帮我看下，非常感谢  ：）
题目：
Many people have learned a foreign language in their own country, others
have learned a foreign language in the country in which it is spoken.
Which is better? Give the advantages of each and support your viewpoint.

文章：
首先注意大小写，这个我不改了 language is the produce（product，produce是农产品） of the development of culture. with the development of international communication, it's both useful and interesting to learn foreign languages for us. Then where to learn is controversial. In general, people learn one or more（some people prefer to learn） foreign languages in his motherland and others will go to lwarn（？） in the country where the language is spoken. although both of them have advantages, from my point of view, I prefer to study in the country (缺where) the language is spoken.

这一段让步，最好有个让步语气的连词 learning a foreign language at home takes advantage in sparing time and expense. Not everyone can afford  a perieod of time to learn abroad. Besides if one just take it as an ameture（amateur） hobby, studing at home can satifies（原形） his anxiety（anxiety用得不好，只是满足兴趣吧，何来焦虑？）.

However, learning aboad will benifit more for a student of（learning） language.

to begin with, a language is something the reflection of a unique culture of a nation that is to study it better, we should also comprehend the culture it result from.（这句话很不通顺，看不懂） then how to ungerstand the culture better? I think the best way is to live in the country for a period of time. it will be interesting to feel a foreign culture. for example, if you go to america, their frank and derect（拼写） attitude in daily life make you have deeper understanding of the difference between American English ad formal english which is spoken n england.

moreover, learn in the language's hometown（题目是home country  不要混淆） provides a good atmosphere to learn the local accent. for example, english is spoken in most of the countries in the world, but as we all know, people who speak english as their second language always mix their native accent into english which sounds not so pour （pure）as the native enligh or american. I think that if you want to be skilled at a language, a pour accent is important.

all in all, learn a language in the country it is spken make you learn it better than learing it at home.
dragongyh 发表于 2009-7-29 16:37

首先注意下什么时候字首要大写。。。
另外，作文篇幅短了点。这个题目还要很多可以写得内容，比如在当地学slang啊，以及全外语的环境有强制性质，能全方位提高听说读写。

jiang08UID: 2391146

8月2号就要考了，先谢谢lz啦~还有不知道短期之内还有什么改进的办法么，现在感觉写一篇文章总是超时。

All university students should be required to take history courses no matter what field they study in.


Nowadays, the number of students who choose to attend the history courses in university has decreased by 30%. Last semester I took a history lesson in school. There are only several students in the classroom which can admit at least 250 students. Compared with other courses hold in the campus, it is obviously that fewer students prefer history class. While most college students prefer some classes which are more useful for their career such as the economics and the management.（逗号） I think if the students want to increase knowledge of cultural background, enjoy themselves or help of their major then history courses are necessary for them. Reasons for my views go as fellow. 第一段稍微长了点，第一句可以拿掉，用你personal 例子即可。

First and foremost, the history courses can give the students a historical background of their nation or other countries. The historical background of their motherland is essential to all citizens. The college students are received higher education.（？） They stand for the brightest citizens in the country. If they are not familiar with the country’s history, the history of their motherland will be lost in the future. As the saying goes and I paraphrase that the more globalization progress the more significant regional characteristics will be.（什么saying？中国的？不写出处的话不用paraphrase） It means that even if at the background of globalization it is still the key to learn about the culture and history of motherland. 为什么全球化背景下了解自身文化重要呢？因为要保持文化的独特性cultural identity，建议把这点写出来 A person without the knowledge of national history will not be respected from（by） others. So it is quite vital to take history courses during the college.

What’s more, the history is also very useful. We can get（make） progress in our major after learning history. Many college students mistake history classes for useless courses. In fact every subject is useful. Especially, the history is the base of nearly all the subjects. For example, most students think the classes such as management and economics are useful. Nevertheless, the theory of the management is on the basis of the historical experience. Without historical experience and data, many subjects are not exited（？） any more. So, it is quite obvious that the history courses will help （of 多余）students’ major.

Last but not least, history courses are always very interesting. We can see many funny stories in the history class. Usually we also get shocked because some small trivial mistakes can change the world greatly. Such as the discovery of the radiation, it was totally unexpected. Someone just put the metal on a piece of film. And the radiation was discovered which deeply changed our daily life in the recent decades. And the amazement of the history makes the history class very attractive. So it is apparent that we can enjoy ourselves through （in）the history class.

Although the history classes in college meet cold reception in recent years, I feel that the advantages of taking a history class in college are obvious. In the history class students can get the knowledge of national history and help for their major. Of course, enjoy themselves in the courses as well. 最好补充一句：所以你认为历史课应该是大学里的必修课

royhyzh 发表于 2009-7-29 20:26

8/2就考了的话，现在就好好休息吧。考试加油。
超时这个要不得，最好能边写开头（比较模板）的时候边构思后面的文章，速度快一些。

xiaoe881023UID: 2535831

:funk:漏了我的160楼了
麻烦帮我看下吧

jiang08UID: 2391146

:funk:漏了我的160楼了
麻烦帮我看下吧
xiaoe881023 发表于 2009-7-31 07:51

不会漏的，请放心
我毕竟也是肉长的  每天都改10篇会崩溃的
只能排队慢慢来了 谢谢谅解

jiang08UID: 2391146

楼主帮忙该一下 谢谢 看看我又没有进步？

题目 Do you agree or disagree? There is nothing that young people can teach older people?


Have you ever seen that the old are inclined to teach children lessons whenever what children have done are against their traditional standards? It has become common scenes （sense）that older people believe they are often right judging from their rich experience. 这里语气转折了，需要however之类的连词 Young people still have something to teach older people on account that elder people should learn how to be more open-minded from younger ones and they should also know how to enjoy life rather than spending whole life on work, although old people still have tremendous things to teach the young.

In order to keep pace with rapid development of modern society, older people need to learn how to be innovative. My grandfather is a telling example. Years ago, he always complains about so-called adverse phenomenon（这是啥现象？具体有什么表现？） spread throughout society in that such fashionable behaviors are strongly against the standards descending from their parents. Unfortunately, these customs which old people strictly follow are not suitable to（for） the modern era. Then, I make up my mind to reshape my grandpa into an open and innovative person. Whenever I have time, I would tell him the reasons of some popular trends, attempting to convince him to well adapt to new environment. 祖父为什么需要适应新环境？这个什么现象对他生活哪里有不便？ Nowadays, he perfectly has the popular culture under his command. He can even speak English fluently and has become an expert of Internet. Consequently, older people can learn the power of accepting new fads from youngsters and young adults.

Moreover, a lifestyle that people do everything for enjoy life（to enjoy life） can be learnt from adolescents. Among older generations, the idea that any ordinary citizens should dedicate all their lifetime to the country maintains the popularity（remains popular）. Consequently, when retired, they would suddenly feel like losing all the motivation and energy to live. A report conducted by China's Social Department suggests that approximately 56.75 percent of older people are not accustomed to life with any work responsibilities. But why such phenomenon does not exist in European（Europe） and developed countries.这个比较不妥，没有引用同类型的数据不能下此结论  Because older people in China lack the notion of enjoy life which is given priorities by their European and American counterparts. To live the rest of life happily and mainly for themselves rather than the nation, older people ought to learn from younger generations who have faith in the view that the purpose of serving is to appreciate the myth, harmony, and beauty of nature. 这段整体而言论证相当好，但是比较的对象从老年人-年轻人转化到了中国人-欧美人，会有混淆概念之嫌。

Albeit, something still exists that（there still exist situations when） youth have to consult adults with great life experience. They have to learn what rules should be strictly followed, when attending social activities; what aspects of majors should be improved when conducting projects; what characters of people can be used to judge whether the person should be mad (made？可以省略) friends with. Still quantities of other things of great value are waiting for youngsters to learn from older persons.

All in all, older people still have something to learn from younger people, even though they have gone through lots of detours and roadblocks on the life path. However, young people also have more things to acquire. acquire 什么？从老人身上学还是什么意思？
dogshout 发表于 2009-7-30 00:18

又回去看了一下你的第一篇作文
模板是不是能稍微换一下……= =b
另外每分论点的开头最好有个连词
最后 英语不是一簇而就的 进步可能不是一天两天就能看到的 只要努力了 总有一天会发现自己的进步 别心急

jiang08UID: 2391146

能不能帮我看一下 第二篇 写得好苦
题目 agree or diagree?
Reading fiction ( such as novels and short stories ) is more enjoyable than watching movies?

Have you ever seen that a person gives up reading a book?（我觉得不是每个开头都适合套这个模板，所谓模板，还是用自己最顺手的句子来写就好，根据具体内容变化，不要太僵化） It has become common scenes because since people nowadays have less leisure time than before, they are forced to abandon the time consuming（当中要hyphen） job for reading. Watching movies, in my opinion, is more enjoyable than reading fiction in modern society on account that movies save people a lot of time to appreciate what intended to relate（?） and also provide a vivid vision and straightforward way to understand the content, although reading fiction, under some circumstances, is essential.

Watching movies costs audience less time, making them more focused. Harry Porter is probably a telling example. For those loyal fans, they have to wait more than ten years until J.K Rowling publishes her seventh book revealing the ending. Compared with the time on reading, all the spectators only need to spend seven to eight years to find out the denouement.这个例子不太好，这个时间的差异是电影跟着书造成的；最好就单本书和单部电影所耗费的时间来讨论 Also （as ）not only children but adults as well are under great burdens from studies, work, and families rendering them a little time on books,（句号） they usually have to squeeze at least one month or even a year to finish a book. The fact that each book of the series contains more pages than previous one also adds trouble for fans to complete. On the contrary, it only takes one who goes to cinema two hours or so to get a good knowledge of contents. As movies shorten（save） people's time, they are more likely to concentrate on plots.

Moreover, a graphic view makes people more involved into plots. As is often the case, books depend on the power of word combination, sentence types, and rhetoric to create a mansion where people can have opportunities to imagine a world living up to their desires. Unfortunately, such means is not straightforward and requires people to think. Under conditions that commuters are exhausted from one-day（这个有歧义，感觉是一次性的工作，改daily） work, do they wish an approach to relax themselves without employing any energy? Movie is a perfectly suitable alternative. The vivid vision and gorgeous sound effects liberate addicts to films brain work. Such visual feast completely exposes people into an ideal world without any disturbance from pressure of daily life. Accordingly, movies supply people with a vision which people fully enjoy.

Albeit, fiction is still of great necessity. Movies are still a little bit expansive（拼写） for most people.这里加上国家限定，美国电影挺便宜，书很贵 It costs a person at least 80 RMB to watch a movie, while a book only require（s） 20 RMB （to be purchased 多余）. It is obvious that what a movie presents is just the version of the director, which cannot include all thought of readers. Therefore, there are still some roles that books can play in the society.

All in all, watching movie is more enjoyable than reading books in modern society. However, admittedly, books cannot be fully eliminated by movies.gcggzl 发表于 2009-7-30 00:27

具体说说你哪里写得辛苦？想理由还是把脑子里的句子变成英文？

jiang08UID: 2391146

幸苦了~写作文最差劲了。每写一篇都要大伤元气。速度特别慢...发现这个帖子真是太幸福了！谢谢指导~
20.It is a better way for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or dissagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

A picture of skyscraper, traffic jams and polluted air emerges in our mind when we mention the big city, while clean brooks, green hills and singing birds shape the sceneries of countryside. Therefore, many people hold the view that it is better for childrent to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. However, I do not endorse such opinion, for the image remained in people’s mind is too narrow to present  a（an） all-round view of the big city.

To start with, big cities have advanced education system and facility. There is no denying that the schools in cities own more experienced teachers as well as complete facilities. They have distinct grades and each teacher is in charge of one subject. However, it is common to find one class including four different grades in the countryside because of the shortage of teachers. On the other hand, facilitity plays an equal significant role in education. Schools In big cities, for example, have beautiful teachering buildings, large playgrounds and various advanced teaching equipment, such as overhead projector, computer and speaker. However, in the countryside they even do not have enough chalks and blackboards. In my opinion, good education is notable for children’s growth. Therefore, it is better for children to grow up in big cities, in order to receive better education.

In addition, big cities possess more accesses to entertainment. Proper entertainment is enssential during the childhood, for it can enrich children’s life as well as broaden their horison（拼写）. For instance, libraries provide quiet and comfortable condition for children reading.图书馆不能算是娱乐吧？ Museems give them chances to retrospect history and obtain knowledge in a more vivid way. Meanwhile, they meet other children who share the same interests and make friends with each other. Children in big cities improve their ability to communicate via this way. In countryside, however, owing to the less opportunity to entertain and meeting the new people, children are apt to be more introverted which may hinder their future development.  

Althought big cities have some disadvatages compared to countryside, after weighing up pros and cons, I still prefer children growing up in big cities. After all, big cities can provide children better education and more ways to spend their spare time, which are extremely important for children’s character development and personal growth.lxriris 发表于 2009-7-30 11:18

整体很流畅 不知道你是如何大伤元气？写作文要注意定时练习

dogshoutUID: 2186461

"又回去看了一下你的第一篇作文" q2 M% T/ Y) G, t, D3 V( v
模板是不是能稍微换一下……= =b
另外每分论点的开头最好有个连词3 o, k6 Z/ M# k& M/ @. y; {
最后 英语不是一簇而就的 进步可能不是一天两天就能看到的 只要努力了 总有一天会发现自己的进步 别心急"

我这个模板 有什么问题你能详细指出么

lxririsUID: 2664356

谢谢批改。因为写作文比较慢。如果写快了质量会差。写四六级作文的时候不觉得，但是写T的作文总是希望能够词用的更准确，句型多样一点，再加上要写到300字以上，所以觉得很费力。速度又很慢。
我还有个问题。我想用排比，但是动词太多不知道怎么写不会有语法错误。
比如 我想说 住在城市里，我们可以遇到更多的人，参与更多的竞争，获得更多的机会。这样有很多动词在一句话怎么处理呢？

walalaUID: 2603375

谢谢08一直以来的帮忙啊~！！^^我会加油的！