' O! E z7 n$ U. f8 k! N* w 提纲1. Good grades ,to some extent, can not guarantee that students acquire knowledge and meet the academical(这个词是名字-大学制服,academic is ok) requirements demanded by subjects, while(I think we’d better use a transition word like, however,but) by hard working ,students can handle it. # K7 ]; u$ H+ a! i7 [ 2. More attention laid upon grades by social and families might lead students to be struggling in the burdensome academic life, ignoring the development of some essential qualities.
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Examination is always considered as a powerful scale measuring the academical achievements of students. So grades, more or less, are representative of whether students have done well in a given subject. And some individuals hold the opinion that it is more important to award students for good grades than their hard working. However, I deem hard working is more indispensable to cause people to award students than good scores ,and my reasons are as follows.( I believe that hard working plays a more crucial way in awarding students’ ability in their academic field)
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First of all, good grades ,to some extent, can not guarantee that students acquire knowledge and meet the academical requirements demanded by subjects, while(but, on the contrary) by hard working ,students can handle it. It is common nowadays that to attain a good mark(Nowadays it is common to attain a good mark) ,students cram for the imminent exam for a couple of days and one hour after they step out of the examination hall, their large quantity of subject knowledge in memory might more or less be gone with the wind , little being left.(well done*但是可能不是gone with the wind…be blown with the wind, I think the phrase of “gone with the wind ”is a little weird using here) However, hard working indicates a student's serious attitude towards study. Take me for example;(注意两个简单句之间的连接) I am a girl working hard. When studying a subject, I will make a detailed schedule for allocating time properly, study diligently in the given time and review what I have been taught many times before the exam. Even if I don not get a good score, I will correct my mistake and strengthen the understanding of subject knowledge. So by hard working,I can truly master knowledge .It is more important to award students like me for our efforts and performance than for grades.
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Also, more attention laid upon grades by social and families might lead students to be struggling in the burdensome academic life, ignoring the development of some essential qualities. Whether a student has done well in one subject depends on his or her ability. For example, if the demand of a course is beyond my ability but parents require me to get a good score, I may be compelled to spend all day long studying it. In fact, apart from acquiring knowledge, I still need to learn how to communicate with others, how to develop interpersonal relationships , which is basic and critical in future career. So social and families should never put too much emphasis on the pursuing of good marks and instead, award students for hard working ,which means students have made sufficient effort to study .( I think this section is well developed, but there is one key question worth discussing—the main idea of this section is a little obscure from the topic—主旨应该是谈award 和good mark*hard working 之间的关系,这一段前一部分一直在描述我们不应该把太多精力放在grades上,和她的原因,只有最后一句说道正因为前面的原因,不该放太多精力在grade上,而是应在award hard working上,我觉得如果是我的话,我更希望看到首句提出鲜明的观点maybe the first sentence could be: also, with the consideration of harm brought by the score emphasis, we should use a healthier way to award the students—hard working,当两方面观点都是从反面论述的时候,我觉得观点可以很鲜明的有正面。。。) ! W; E% L2 f b$ L To sum up, grades may not be that important because they can be attained by temporary effort and may force students to abandon other essential qualities to pursue .But hard working means students have a serious attitude to study and more time would be spared to develop key properties. So people should award students for their efforts than achievements.(good ending, I will learn from you) 我觉得你写的挺好的!加油~~ |