【进军美利坚作文小组】 fancy 作业帖—更新0910作业

fancywwUID：2583671

把作业贴到一个地方，便于查找。大家多指教，各抒己见，请猛拍哈。:)  

0825 独立写作：19楼
0826 综合写作：20楼
0827 独立写作：29楼
0828 综合写作：33楼
0829 独立写作：36楼
0831 综合写作：38楼
0901 独立写作：42楼
0903 独立写作：45楼
0908 独立写作：51楼
0909 综合写作：53楼
0910 独立写作：55楼
~☆~★~☆~★~☆~★~☆~★~☆~★~☆~★~☆~★~☆~★~☆~★~☆~★~☆~★~☆~★~☆~★~☆~★~☆~★~☆~★

0818

同意或不同意：老師的報酬應該根據學生的表現來決定。

Generally speaking, the payment of teachers should be based on the performance of the teachers’ themselves. However, the performances of the teachers are usually evaluated in many other aspects, such as the accomplishment of students. While I concede that the accomplishment of students is an important aspect to judge a teacher's performance, I do not agree that it is the only decisive factor. Teachers should be evaluated and paid comprehensively.

To begin with, the performance of students is influenced by many elements. Admittedly, the level of a teacher affects how well a student learns. Following professional, devoted, and responsible teacher students can learn more efficiently and progress more quickly. However, the ability of teachers is not the only factor that decides the performance of students. As a famous saying goes, "attitude is everything". On one hand, no matter how much effort a teacher makes, a student can hardly learn well without hardworking attitude. On the other hand, even if a teacher is not responsible or devoted to work, some students can still perform excellently depending on their own endeavors. Students' attitude toward study affects their performances almost as much as the their teachers' ability. Also, other factors, such as the study resources of the school, the family environment of the students, also have influences on the students’ study. So it is unfair to decide the payment of the teacher all by the performance of the students.

Besides, if teachers are paid by the performance of students, it will inevitably lead to negative results. As we all know, nowadays the performance of the students often means their grades in examinations, ranks in competitions, or attendances at classes. To gain more salaries, teacher might try to focus on improving students' such performances and ignore the full version of education. Teachers might lower the standard of examination to allow more students to get higher scores, or they would require students to practice repeatedly for examinations or competitions. Anything else may be considered trivial. It is not difficult to imagine how much the quality of our education would go down. In brief, such evaluating system would make the teacher care more about the students' scores than students themselves.


So the payment of the teachers should be evaluated in all-around aspects. For example, in university, the research ability of professors is a quite important factor. A good professor needs not only to cultivate capable students, but also be able to make accomplishment in their researches. Another example, in elementary school, teachers should be required to have decent and virtuous personalities besides teaching abilities, because their students are just in the ages of developing personalities and they tend to imitate their models in life. In a word, teachers’ payment should accord with their various performances.

In conclusion, although teachers are partly responsible for the performances of the students, their payment cannot be decided by this factors exclusively. School and society should try to view the overall performance of teacher, and decide their payment reasonably.

applo111UID：2679100

Generally speaking, the payment of teachers should be based on the performance of the teachers’(去掉可能会更好) themselves. However, the performances of the teachers are usually evaluated in many other aspects, such as the accomplishment of students. While I concede that the accomplishment of students is an important aspect to judge a teacher's performance, I do not agree that it is the only decisive factor. Teachers should be evaluated and paid comprehensively. （这几句有绕来绕去的感觉， performances of teachers, accomplishment这些词重复的次数有些多可以换成，the level of teachers,  achievement）

To begin with, the performance of students is influenced by many elements. Admittedly, the level of a teacher affects how well a student learns(to some extents). Following professional, devoted, and responsible teacher students can learn more efficiently and progress more quickly. However, the ability of teachers is not the only factor that decides the performance of students. As a famous saying goes, "attitude(Attitude) is everything". On one hand, no matter how much effort a teacher makes, a student can hardly learn well without hardworking attitude. On the other hand, even if a teacher is not responsible or devoted to work, some students can still perform excellently depending on their own endeavors. Students' attitude toward study(去掉) almost affects their performances as much as the ability of teachers (加do). Other factors, such as the study resources of the school, the family environment of the students, also have influences on the students’ study. So it is unfair to decide the payment of the teacher all by the performance of the students.
推理很到位，但这部分大部分强调的是老师的能力， 和工资的关系没有很好地体现出来！

Besides, if teachers are paid by the performance of students, it will inevitably lead to negative results. As we all know, nowadays the performance of the students often means their grades in examinations, ranks in competitions, or attendances at classes. To gain more salaries, teacher might try to focus on improving students' such performances and ignore the full version of education. Teachers might lower the standard of examination to allow more students to get higher scores, or they would require students to practice repeatedly for examinations or competitions. Anything else may be considered trivial. It is not difficult to imagine how much the quality of our education would go down. In brief, such evaluating system would make the teacher care more about the students' scores than students themselves.
这段写得很好，结构很清晰！

So the payment of the teachers should be evaluated in （好像是from）all-around aspects. For example, in university, the research ability of professors is a quite important factor. A good professor needs not only to cultivate capable students, but also be able to make accomplishment in their researches. Another example, in elementary school, teachers should be required to have decent and virtuous personalities besides teaching abilities, because their students are just in the ages of developing personalities and they tend to imitate their models in life.（这段开始正面点题）

In a word, teachers’ payment should accord with their various performances. In conclusion，（多余）, although teachers are partly responsible for the performances of the students, their payment cannot be decided by this factors exclusively. School and society should try to view the overall performance of teacher, and decide their payment reasonably. （结尾总感觉有些啰嗦，点题不是很到位！）

文章整体不错，结构很清楚， 中间的分论点论证有力度！但句子不够精炼，还有稍微注意词的替换！

谢谢你对applo111的文章的点评，以后多多指教！

fancywwUID：2583671

谢谢批改
ps，结尾第一句其实是上段最后一句。。。

liuxiaoyinUID：2631993

Generally speaking, the payment of teachers should be based on the performance of (把the teachers’去掉) themselves. However, the performances of the teachers are usually evaluated in many other aspects, such as the accomplishment（复数） of students. While I concede that the accomplishment（复数） of students （is改成are） an important aspect to judge a teacher's performance, I do not agree that it is the only decisive factor. (感觉这句话说的有点啰嗦，后半句改成which is not the only decisive factor yet 好不好？ )Teachers should be evaluated and paid comprehensively.

     To begin with, 建议在首句就表明直接的理由，这种支付方式不公平，然后再展开论述。述the performance of students is influenced by many elements. Admittedly, the level of a teacher affects how well a student learns. Following （a）professional, devoted, and responsible teacher students can learn more efficiently and progress more quickly. However, the ability of teachers is not the only factor that decides the performance of students. As a famous saying goes, "attitude is everything". On one hand, no matter how much effort a teacher makes, a student can hardly learn well without (a) hardworking attitude. On the other hand, even if a teacher is not responsible or devoted to work, some students can still perform excellently depending on their own endeavors. Students' attitude toward study affects their performances almost as much as the their teachers' ability. Also, other factors, such as the study resources of the school, the family environment of the students, also have influences on the students’ study. So it is unfair to decide the payment of the teacher all by the performance of the students.

    Besides, if teachers are paid by the performance of students, it will inevitably lead to negative results. As we all know, nowadays the performance of the students often means their grades in examinations, ranks in competitions, or attendances at classes. To gain more salaries, teacher might try to focus on improving students' such performances and ignore the full version(version不是版本的意思么？用在这里怎么理解阿？) of education. Teachers might lower the standard of examination to allow more students to get higher scores, or they would require students to practice repeatedly for examinations or competitions. Anything else may be considered trivial. It is not difficult to imagine how much the quality of our education would go down.（我感觉这句有点汉语式的英语，how poor the quality of our education would be或别的） In brief, such evaluating system would make the teacher care more about the students' scores than students themselves.喜欢你这段的内容，思考的比较深入。

    So the payment of the teachers should be evaluated in all-around aspects. For example, in university, the research ability of professors is a quite important factor. A good professor needs not only to cultivate capable students, but also be able to make accomplishment in their researches. Another example, in elementary school, teachers should be required to have decent and virtuous personalities besides teaching abilities, because their students are just in the ages of developing personalities and they tend to imitate their models in life. 建议这一段得分论点说得更深入一些，作者的意思是这种支付工资的方式不利于教授的全方面发展吧，点透了就更好了。
        In a word, teachers’ payment should accord with their various performances.In conclusion（去掉In conclusion）, although teachers are partly responsible for the performances of the students, their payment cannot be decided by this factors exclusively. School and society should try to view the overall performance of teacher, and decide their payment reasonably.
        整体结构清晰，语言流畅，感觉个别句子有点啰嗦，可以精简一下。论点找的都不错，只有第三个论点有点论述得不到位！
        谢谢你给我的点评~~~~给你凭得有点晚，对不起了~~~~~

fancywwUID：2583671

谢谢点评，version 还有看法、观点的意思。full version of education 指全方位的教育观

fancywwUID：2583671

    第一次写平衡观点。本想写成平分秋色，写完后再看题目，觉得find the best solution to a problem 其实更倾向于being creative 一点，毕竟是to find the solution to a problem，而不是直接说solve a problem. 又懒得再写一篇了，所以后来微调了一下，比较偏向于being creative，但还是属于平衡观点吧，字数也增了几十个。大家看看写得怎样，请猛拍。

8.20 創意（being creative）是否比計畫（planning carefully）更能find the best solution to a problem

If I were asked which weapon I prefer to use to win a battle—shield or spear, I think I would lose using any weapon alone. It can be vividly compared to this topic. When finding solutions to a problem, a careful plan is like a strong shield protecting us from going into a chaos, while creativity is like a sharp spear helping us solve problems efficiently. We need both of them.

To begin with, let’s look at the importance of being creative. Firstly, before we develop a plan we need creative thinking to generate as many new and innovative ideas as we can. This is usually called brainstorm. The more ideas we have to choose from, the better chance that we will find a superior solution. Secondly, creativity can help deal with the fast changing situations. If we think steadily and rigidly, we may lose before starting. Thirdly, being creative we can exceed the problems and prevent them in the first place. In daily life trouble seems being able to find us no matter where we go. Creative people can find ways to kill the problems in seeds. A good example of being creative is Amazon.com. Before Amazon most books were sold in a bookshop, and as a result there was a limited space to store those books and a limited radius of potential customers. To solve such problems Amazon decided to store their books in large warehouses and sell them on the Internet. So the problems of space and limitation are solved, and they can now offer a greater selection of books at a lower cost and to more people. What’s more, this creative idea also gave Amazon advantage and made them a success in an already competitive market. In short without creativity, we cannot come up with good solutions to our problems.

However, creativity alone cannot guarantee a best solution. Creative ideas need to be organized and planned carefully to be effective, especially when we solve multiple problems. Firstly, planning is leveraged time. Several minutes planning before tackling a problem can improve our productivity and efficiency greatly. Lacking this step, any good idea from brainstorm can be fruitless. Secondly, detailed planning can reduce crisis during our action. Even with a practicable solution in mind, we may go wrong. If we deliberate the possible difficulties and responding ways before proceeding, we can be prepared and confident. Here is an example of my own. I always run into a busy and rushing time at the end of a term. I seem to have numerous examinations to take, papers to write, and researches to finish. It is easy to get lost and end with nothing. However, I have learned plan strategically to improve my efficiency. I would establish a “to do” list according to priorities of things and tick off items as I move forward. This is an extremely effective way to manage my time and solve problems. In short, careful and effective planning will have a huge impact on breaking problems.


To sum up, I would like to quote a saying from general and President Eisenhower, “In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.” If we plan without being creative, it is certainly meaningless. The best solution to a problem is always found when planning carefully and thinking creatively work together.

zhangjingyi29UID：2449770

6# fancyww
If I were asked which weapon I prefer to use to win a battle—shield or spear, I think I would lose using any weapon alone. It can be vividly compared to this topic. When finding solutions to a problem, a careful plan is like a strong shield protecting us from going into a chaos, while creativity is like a sharp spear helping us solve problems efficiently. We need both of them.

To begin with, let’s look at the importance of being creative. Firstly, before we develop a plan we need creative thinking to generate as many new and innovative ideas as we can. This is usually called brainstorm. The more ideas we have to choose from, the better chance that we will find a superior solution. Secondly, creativity can help deal with the fast changing situations. If we think steadily and rigidly, we may lose before starting. Thirdly, being creative we can exceed the problems and prevent them in the first place. In daily life trouble seems being able to find us no matter where we go. Creative people can find ways to kill the problems in seeds. A good example of being creative is Amazon.com. Before Amazon most books were sold in a bookshop, and as a result there was a limited space to store those books and a limited radius of potential customers. To solve such problems Amazon decided to store their books in large warehouses and sell them on the Internet. So the problems of space and limitation are solved, and they can now offer a greater selection of books at a lower cost and（去掉吧**） to more people. What’s more, this creative idea also gave Amazon advantage and made them a success in an already competitive market. In short without creativity, we cannot come up with good solutions to our problems. + ]  b3 j0 \: `# b0 M5 \) i; {
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However, creativity alone cannot guarantee a best solution. Creative ideas need to be organized and planned carefully to be effective, especially when we solve multiple problems. Firstly, planning is leveraged time（planning is time leverage?这句话到底怎么用还有待讨论。。。）. Several minutes planning before tackling a problem can improve our productivity and efficiency greatly. Lacking this step, any good idea from brainstorm can be fruitless. Secondly, detailed planning can reduce crisis during our action. Even with a practicable solution in mind, we may go wrong. If we deliberate the possible difficulties and responding ways before proceeding, we can be prepared and confident. Here is an example of my own. I always run into a busy and rushing time at the end of a term. I seem to have numerous examinations to take, papers to write, and researches to finish. It is easy to get lost and end with nothing. However, I have learned plan strategically to improve my efficiency. I would establish a “to do” list according to priorities of things and tick off items as I move forward. This is an extremely effective way to manage my time and solve problems. In short, careful and effective planning will have a huge impact on breaking problems. (我想你这一段举的例子应该是支持你的这段第一句话：creative along cannot guarantee a best solution—但是例子只说了planning的重要性，maybe you can change your topic sentence to “on the other hand, planning really guarantees our success in solving problems.)

To sum up, I would like to quote a saying from general and President Eisenhower, “In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.” If we plan without being creative, it is certainly meaningless. The best solution to a problem is always found when planning carefully and thinking creatively work together.
个人觉得观点明确，语言通顺，确实没什么可说的~呵呵

fancywwUID：2583671

planning is leveraged time。
leverage是杠杆的意思，plan就好比用杠杆，用很少的时间提高很多的效率
这也是我在别处看到的句子

starter_123UID：2576008

fancy小姐 作文也很牛叉啊。。

fancywwUID：2583671

呵呵 谢谢鼓励
貌似我的另一个partner还么评我这篇
是不是我给他的作文评得太过了。。。。

zhangjingyi29UID：2449770

8# fancyww
因为没见过还在网上查了半天，呵呵~~*不过都是leverage the time,,,所以学习啦@@lz写得很好啊~~*我会向你学习哒！加油加油！

wondersmiths2UID：2609756

In the lecture, the speaker states that the evidence in the reading passage inconvincible to support the viewpoint that the Anazazi people disappeared because of severe drought.  a4 {) o' p% v' p

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Firstly, the speaker maintains that there may be global warming thousand years ago, but the global warming affected various areas differently. And the Chaco Canyon where the Anasazi lived was not affected. The evidence is that in the Chaco Canyon some trees have existed for more than one thousand years. If there was a severe drought, these trees should have already been dead. So this point casts doubt on the first argumentation of the reading article.4 ^
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Secondly, the speaker has a different explanation about the irrigation systems of Anasazi people. He claims that such irrigation systems are evidence that Anasazi people were aware of the shortage of water. So they built such systems to store water so that they could cultivate crops like corns and beans. And the speaker mentions that the Anasazi people also stored food to deal with the drought years. So the speaker disagrees the point that the irrigation systems can be evidence that severe drought should be responsible for the disappearance of Anasazi people., |$ X3 s. _6 |! a" S3 `
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Thirdly, the speaker claims that Anasazi people disappeared because of(because) severe drought is still a hypothesis. The summer drought may have existed, but it was not so severe enough to make Anasazi people disappear. The speaker thinks there may be other reasons that can explain the disappearance of Anasazi people. Maybe they were attacked by other tribes or killed by diseases. Or perhaps they used up all the farm land. But until now there is not enough evidence to support the statement in the reading article.

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In sum, the speaker finds the view and argumentations in the article shaky. He thinks Anasazi people might disappeared for some other reasons.


非常流畅，只有一些小错误，字数很多，不过正式考试的时候，可能写不出那么多哟，再简略会更加好！

r- w6 A; q5 [

gy0510150556UID：2546647

In the lecture, the speaker states that the evidence in the reading passage inconvincible to support the viewpoint that the Anazazi people disappeared because of (a)severe drought.

Firstly, the speaker maintains that there may be global warming (thousand前面要加修饰)thousand years ago, but the global warming affected various areas differently. And the Chaco Canyon where the Anasazi lived was not affected. The evidence is that in the Chaco Canyon some trees have existed for more than one thousand years. If there was a severe drought, these trees should have already been dead. So this point casts doubt on the first argumentation of the reading article.模版上要求把reading material的对应内容也总结出

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Secondly, the speaker has a different explanation about the irrigation systems of Anasazi people.（很好的总结） He claims that such irrigation systems are evidence that Anasazi people were aware of the shortage of water. So they built such systems to store water so that they could cultivate crops like corns and beans. And the speaker mentions that the Anasazi people also stored food to deal with the drought years. So the speaker disagrees the point that the irrigation systems can be evidence that severe drought should be responsible for the disappearance of Anasazi people.well done

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Thirdly, the speaker claims that Anasazi people disappeared because of （the）severe drought is still a hypothesis. The summer drought may have existed, but it was not so severe enough to make Anasazi people disappear. The speaker thinks there may be other reasons that can explain the disappearance of Anasazi people. Maybe they were attacked by other tribes or killed by diseases. Or perhaps they used up all the farm land. But until now there is not enough evidence to support the statement in the reading article.不错

In sum, the speaker finds the view and argumentations in the article shaky. He thinks Anasazi people might disappeared for some other reasons.
我也写前没看模版，赫赫，你写的很不错了，句型变换很自如，而且点也很全，佩服你强大的听力啊，向你学习

fancywwUID：2583671

0824作业——

    觉得那professor就像在写针对那篇article的argue一样，好像把她的话copy下来就ok，感觉挺容易的，15分钟不到就写完了，是不是掉以轻心了，还是没发现综合写作的关键所在？请大家多提意见！！



In the lecture the professor find the argumentations in the article unconvincing to support the opinion that Marco Polo had never traveled to China. She has some other explanations about the evidence mentioned in the article.

Firstly, it is reasonable and understandable for Marco Polo to use Persian name of Chinese or Mongolian locations and directions. In thirteen to fourteen century, Persian was the widely used language in trade, so Marco Polo might possibly borrow the names from Persian source.

Secondly, the fact that Marco Polo omitted to write down some popular practices in China dose not necessarily disapprove the point that he never traveled to China. The professor mentions that tea drinking was popular only in southern China at that time. And northern China, where Marco Polo mainly stayed, had not developed such practice when he was there.

Thirdly, no evidence in the original records does not mean that Marco Polo had ever served at the court of the Mongol ruler, or that he was never appointed to be the post of governor of Yang Zhou. It is highly possible that Marco Polo was referred to a different name. And it was common for people not to use real name in records at that time. Or perhaps the records about Marco Polo had simply lost.

In conclusion, the professor does not agree with the viewpoint in the article. And she uses different evidence and argumentations to cast doubts on the points made in the article.

Amber0926UID：2555355

0824作业——
In the lecture the professor find the argumentations in the article unconvincing to support the opinion that Marco Polo had never traveled to China. She has some other explanations about the evidence mentioned in the article

Firstly, it is reasonable and understandable for Marco Polo to use Persian name of Chinese or Mongolian locations and directions. In thirteen to fourteen century, Persian was the widely used language in trade, so Marco Polo might possibly borrow the names from Persian source.

Secondly, the fact that Marco Polo omitted to write down some popular practices in China dose not necessarily disapprove the point that he never traveled to China. The professor mentions that tea drinking was popular only in southern China at that time. And northern China, where Marco Polo mainly stayed, had not developed such practice when he was there。

Thirdly, no evidence in the original records does not mean that Marco Polo had ever served at the court of the Mongol ruler, or that he was never appointed to be the post of governor of Yang Zhou. It is highly possible that Marco Polo was referred to a different name. And it was common for people not to use real name in records at that time. Or perhaps the records about Marco Polo had simply lost

In conclusion, the professor does not agree with the viewpoint in the article. And she uses different evidence and argumentations to cast doubts on the points made in the article.
感觉fancy的组织能力真的好棒啊！并非偷懒，只是写的真的不错，学习~