Issue170 求批改…随便改…

fredrichodieUID: 2612910

我觉得最大问题就是语言啰嗦……
主要希望大家能帮我删点儿字……
还有不到十天机考  谢谢大家了…

TOPIC: ISSUE170 - "The surestindicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, orscientists, but the general welfare of all its people."
WORDS: 708
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 8/23/2009 3:54:06 PM

What is the surest indicator of a greatnation? The achievements of its rulers, artists and scientists? Or its generalwelfare of all the people? The speaker put forward a significant issue, and inmy own opinion the problem is very complex and the indicators of a greatnations varies with different views and circumstances.

On the one hand, the achievements of itsrulers, artists, scientists and all the other important social components areessential for the prosperity of the country. Firstly, rulers make the legalsystems more and more depending and elaborate, which is significant for thestability and order of a nation, moreover, the rulers also lead the nationamong wars and other regional or even global chaos, if any. Secondly, artistslay the foundations for the culture and art style of the nation. Some greatnations are famous for its arts and culture like Greece, Italy, Japan andChina, whose art styles are unique and easy to distinguish no matter where allover the world. Moreover, the art achievements can also reflect the economicand political condition of the nation, since only people are satisfiedphysically, they would continue to develop their mental and spiritual world.Thirdly, the achievements of scientists are even more important in the modernworld. They make our lives more convenient and more comfortable, level upmanufacture both in efficiencies and productions, and is an essential promptingforce of the economic. Without computers, communication equipment, and othermachines, business and lives would not be so modernized as present. In short,those achievements of leaders, artists and scientists have all made greatcontributions to a nation.

On the other hand, the general welfare isalso a expression of the society's well-being condition. The funds of thewelfare is from the government's exchequer, which is mostly supported by thetaxes of the nation. Taxes, as is known, reflects the whole income of thepeople and the entire profits of the companies. Furthermore, on another sense,the general welfare policies would guarantee the basic living requirements ofthe residents, and a closer scrutiny, the social care and the guaranty of humanrights. Thus the general welfare not only reflect the social economic systembut also the level of human rights of the country, and which are also importantstandards of a great country.

However, either of the two indicators arenot complete enough alone to demonstrate the entire condition of a greatnation. To start with, the scientific achievement is sometimes not only thebenefit of one single country but rather for the globe. A convincing instancemight be the discovery of Mari Curie, the element polonium. Mrs. Curie namedthe element for the sake and honor of her motherland, however, the benefits itbrought is worldwide. Moreover, some achievements of the leaders and artistsare not enough to reflect the greatness of a nation. They might bring greatchanges, however, these significance of the changes and achievements is stillin need of specific critic and analyze to illustrate that the country is greatbecause of these achievements. Moreover, to the issue of general welfare, it isknown that Swiss has the best system of social general welfare, however, isSwiss the most great nation in the world? The answer is probably not in mypoint of view. Furthermore, overrated social welfare might leave the nextgenerations more leisure, and they are not under pressures of unemployment,educations or diseases, thus they would even give up efforts to gain theirdreams or goals of lives. As a result, the general welfare is not still a verygood indicator of a great nation.

In summary, back to the fundamentalproblem, how great a nation is is still difficult to measure and compare. Thereare many standards to value a nation, like the economy, art, military,environment, science, humanity, diplomacy and so forth. Only considered all ofthese dimensions, can we somehow value the greatness of a country. For theindicators the speaker referred, like achievements of rulers, artists orscientists and the general welfare, they are unilateral to reflect the howcondition of a nation. However, a good nation like the super power, the UnitedStates, should have a well-being condition in these aspects.

fredrichodieUID: 2612910

求拍……

kelleyapplclUID: 2599410

2# fredrichodie
我个人觉得你的开头结尾太过模棱两可，根据中间段的内容最好直接点明 The indicator of a great nation is not only both the achievements of its great minds and the general welfare of its people but also other standars.
另外请教如何能在规定时间内打这么多字?