ARGUMENT242【DIES IN FLAMES 0910G长线突破组】TASK I ananbeatgre

ananbeatgreUID: 2606279

In this argument the author concludes that the honor codes similar to Groveton's should be widely adopted to prevent the students form cheating. To support this conclusion the writer cites that the number of the cheating cases in Groveton have obviously decreased in 5 years since the honor codes established. Meanwhile, to support the recommendation, he assumes that a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without. However, this argument suffers from several critical fallacies though it seems logical at first glance.

The main problem in this argument is that the reducing number of the cheating cases that the students reported doesn’t indicate the factual decrease of the cheating number. What the argument demonstrates can just indicate that the cheating case being discovered and reported declined during the 5yeares. However, the editorial fails to rule out other possible explanations for the decrease of number. For example, without the supervising of the teachers, students may screen from their behavior of cheating for each other. Moreover, the development of technology applied in the exam may also contribute to helping the student escape from exposure. Any of these factors, or other social, personal factors, might lead to the decrease of the reported numbers of cheating. And without ruling out all other such factors it is unfair to conclude that the honor code is more successful.

Aside from that, even if we accept that all the students obey the rules of the honor code, the argument ignores the possibility that during the 5 years the honor code might not be the only measure taken by Groveton's which lead to the decrease of cheating cases, and commits a fallacy of hasty generalization that the former is the cause of the latter. However, the aggravation of penalty of cheating, the emphasis on the education of honesty and credit and the improvement of the students’ quality, all theses measures can conduct to a better fact of cheating cases, while the author ignores all theses factors and attribute all the contribution to the honor code, which is just so one-legged. Without ruling out this possibility, the argument's proponent cannot justifiably conclude that the honor code is the only reason of the fact.

Finally, a final problem with the argument involves is about the survey,in citing the survey the editorial assumes that a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code. However, I wonder whether all the student be investigated tell the truth. Account for the repute under the honor code, most student will choose not admit their desire or behavior of cheating. Therefore, the president cannot rely on the survey to bolster the recommendation.

In conclusion, the author fails to adequately support the recommendation that the honor code isfar more successful than the old-fashioned system.To bolster the argument, the argument's proponent must consider and eliminate all other possible explanations for the decline of the reported number of cheating cases, and also must rule out all other possible factors contributing to the result of decrease of the cheating cases.The author must also provide a reliable survey to strengthen the argument.

呃。。。535个字，第一次写A,用了一下午赶起来，自己还没改，实在不敢看。。。。。用了好多模板的句子

而且自己感觉 第一个观点和第二个观点 太重复了，观点内部论述的很重复，1，2观点之间感觉也蛮重复的。。。。第三个关于survey的观点，赶紧很无力哎。。。。。

恩大家 狠狠的拍我吧。。。。。

winning1030UID: 2538401

In this argument the author concludes that the honor codes similar to Groveton's should be widely adopted to prevent the students form cheating. To support this conclusion the writer cites that the number of the cheating cases in Groveton have(has) obviously decreased in 5 years since the honor codes established. Meanwhile, to support the recommendation, he assumes thata majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without.However, this argument suffers from (suffers)several critical fallacies though it seems logical at first glance.



The main problem in this argument is that the reducing number of the cheating cases that the students reported doesn’t indicate the factual decrease of the cheating number. What the argument demonstrates can just (only)indicate that the cheating case being （was)discovered and reported (reports)declined during the  5yeares.However, the editorial( editorial意思是社论，换成arguer吧）fails to rule out other possible explanations for the decrease of number.For example, without the supervising of the teachers, students may screen from their behavior of cheating for each other.Moreover, the development of technology applied in the exam may also contribute to helping the student escape from exposure.(想得很好，考虑到了时间因素中科技进步的原因，不过楼主的表达有些问题，意思我是明白啦。可以换成，Moreover, much more advanced technology could be possibly applied in the exam ,which may also contribute to helping the student escape from exposure,as the technology is developing during the five years) Any of these factors, or other social, personal factors,（楼主举几个例子会不会更丰富些呢） might lead to the decrease of the reported numbers of cheating. And without ruling out all other such factors it is unfair （ unconvincing）to conclude that the honor code is more successful.




Aside from that, even if we accept that all the students obey the rules ofthe honor code, the argument （arguer)ignores the possibility that during the 5 years the honor code might not be the only measure taken by Groveton's（Groveton），which lead to the decrease of cheating cases, and commits a fallacy of hasty generalization that the former is the cause of the latter. However（For example), theaggravation of penalty of cheating, the emphasis on the education of honesty and credit and the improvement of the students’ quality, all theses measures can conduct to a better fact of (就用decrease吧，这句话语法有问题，我知道楼主想说使作弊的案件改善，但我想不到好的表达方式,包涵下）cheating cases, while the author ignores all theses factors and attribute all the contribution to the honor code, which is just（删）so one-legged. Without ruling out this possibility, the argument's proponent cannot justifiably conclude that the honor code is the only reason of the fact.




Finally, a final problem with the argument involves（删） is about the survey,in citing the survey the editorial（ arguer）assumes （indicates）that a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code. However, I wonder whether all the student be （删）investigated tell the truth. Account (Accounting)for the repute under the honor code, most student will choose not (to)admit their desire or behavior of cheating. Therefore, the president cannot rely on the survey to bolster the recommendation.




In conclusion, the author fails to adequately support the recommendation that the honor code is far more successful than the old-fashioned system.To bolster the argument,the argument's proponent must consider and eliminate all other possible explanations for the decline of the reported number of cheating cases, and also must rule out all other possible factors contributing to the result of decrease of the cheating cases.(重复了，删The author must also provide a reliable survey to strengthen the argument.


\其实楼主的驳论也抓到点了，但是还不够展开分析，觉得写得有点畏首畏尾的，如果能进一步分析就能解决字数问题和内容的丰富性啦。同时，楼主每一段的末句都看起来是一样的，希望能换个句型（ps 我也在为这个苦恼呢，因为我也不知道段末那句总结到底怎么写，我写起来也是一个调调。。。）最后，觉得楼主的语法有些小问题，也许是写完没有仔细看吧，也要注意哦~加油哦！！！

tuziduiduiUID: 2599524

In this argument the author concludes that the honor codes similar to Groveton's should be widely adopted to prevent the students form cheating. To support this conclusion the writer cites that the number of the cheating cases in Groveton have obviously decreased in 5 years since the honor codes established. Meanwhile, to support the recommendation, he assumes that a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without. However, this argument suffers from several critical fallacies though it seems logical at first glance.
（我没有看过什么模板，所以不知道是不是很多人都这么写。只是觉得在开头的时候，ets应该跟评托福一样并不喜欢我们简单的重复一遍题目吧？我自己好像也在开头重复了题目来着，因为实在不知道该如何缩写那个结论。我觉得是不是可以就提一下题中的结论，然后罗列那些你要攻击的主要错误点，这样会不会让人对整篇文章更加清晰？我自己想这么做，可是写的时候发现又不是那么回事了。个人看法请不要见怪。）

The main problem in this argument is that the reducing number of the cheating cases that the students reported doesn’t indicate the factual decrease of the cheating number. What the argument demonstrates can just indicate that the cheating case being discovered and reported declined during the 5yeares. （不知道有没有记错，文章中最好使用英文的而不是阿拉伯数字比较好。）However, the editorial fails to rule out other possible explanations for the decrease of number. For example, without the supervising of the teachers, students may screen from their behavior of cheating for each other. （个人觉得，作者是不是过分拓展了题目？文中并没有提到用honor code这个系统就没有老师的监管这个事实。）Moreover, the development of technology applied in the exam may also contribute to helping the student escape from exposure. （看到这个地方的时候，我有种眼前一亮的感觉，因为我自己没有想到这个点。但是看完这句话，脑子马上想到的是like what?是不是可以再多用一句稍微解释或者举个例子什么样的新技术，会更好一些呢？只是一点我自己在读的时候的想法。） Any of these factors, or other social, personal factors, might lead to the decrease of the reported numbers of cheating. （其他的不知道，但是一句话里面两个factor是不是太重复了？）And without ruling out all other such factors it is unfair to conclude that the honor code is more successful.（貌似这里不应该用unfair吧！）


Aside from that, even if we accept that all the students obey the rules of the honor code, the argument ignores the possibility that during the 5 years the honor code might not be the only measure taken by Groveton's which lead to the decrease of cheating cases, and commits a fallacy of hasty generalization that the former is the cause of the latter. However, the aggravation of penalty of cheating, the emphasis on the education of honesty and credit and the improvement of the students’ quality, all these measures can conduct to a better fact of cheating cases, while the author ignores all these factors and attribute all the contribution to the honor code, which is just so one-legged. Without ruling out this possibility, the argument's proponent cannot justifiably conclude that the honor code is the only reason of the fact.
( 这个论点是我没有想到的，我没有想到要去质疑他对比的前提条件，向lz学习。不过，我自己写的时候就不知道在gre文章里面到底应不应该使用第一人称呢？另外，句子应该能再改改，不过水平有限，好像提不出什么有效的建议就不乱说了。）


Finally, a final problem with the argument involves is about the survey, in citing the survey the editorial assumes that a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code. However, I wonder whether all the student be investigated tell the truth. Account for the repute under the honor code, most student will choose not admit their desire or behavior of cheating.(这两句中的student是不是应该改为students?然后，will choose not admit是不是应该改为will not choose admitting?我其实也不太确定。) Therefore, the president cannot rely on the survey to bolster the recommendation. （这个president让我有点confuse.）



In conclusion, the author fails to adequately support the recommendation that the honor code is far more successful than the old-fashioned system. To bolster the argument, the argument's proponent must consider and eliminate all other possible explanations for the decline of the reported number of cheating cases, and also must rule out all other possible factors contributing to the result of decrease of the cheating cases. The author must also provide a reliable survey to strengthen the argument.
（个人觉得lz的总结段比我的写的好很多，所以没办法给出什么意见！）

由于水平限制，只能提出这么些看法了。我觉得lz的三个攻击点都选的挺好的，只是不能只是主题句说的好，后面的展开我觉得可以再加强一下。比如，我觉得第一个攻击点的第一句话我看得很清楚，但是后面展开我觉得不够深入。不过，第一段后面那个关于先进科技造成的影响的这个点我还蛮喜欢的。
总体来说，我觉得比我写的好很多，大多数的用词还有句法什么的比我自己水平高很多，所以在这些方面没办法给出什么有效的建议，请lz见谅。如果lz觉得我有什么地方说的不对就pm我啦！在看lz文章的过程，也发现了自己的许多不足，大家都继续加油！

tuziduiduiUID: 2599524

刚刚太急了，没有发现，我好像提了跟楼上很多一样的建议，不好意思啊！

ananbeatgreUID: 2606279

恩 没关系 很感谢你 你改的好认真哦 太感动了 你那篇我明天再改成不 今天 就改了 winning1030那篇 ~~ 4# tuziduidui

irvine666UID: 2575525

In this argument the author concludes that the honor codes similar to Groveton's should be widely adopted to prevent the students form cheating. To support this conclusion the writer cites that the number of the cheating cases in Groveton have obviously decreased in 5 years since the honor codes established. Meanwhile, to support the recommendation, he assumes that a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without. However, this argument suffers from several critical fallacies though it seems logical at first glance.(逻辑关系理解有点问题：类比式的Argument一般来讲都是由2个逻辑链组成：1.A地区使用了某个方法成功的解决了XX问题；2.假设A的方法可以在B实现；3. 1，2 两个前提推断出建议或者结论.从这个开头可以看出楼主的逻辑链只找到了第一个.)

The main problem in this argument is that the reducing number of the cheating cases that the students reported doesn’t indicate the factual decrease of the cheating number. What the argument demonstrates can just indicate that the cheating case being discovered and reported declined during the 5yeares. However, the editorial fails to rule out other possible explanations for the decrease of number. For example, without the supervising of the teachers(题目里面可没有这个假设), students may screen from their behavior of cheating for each other. Moreover, the development of technology applied in the exam may also contribute to helping the student escape from exposure. Any of these factors, or other social, personal factors(这个，画蛇添足了), might lead to the decrease of the reported numbers of cheating. And without ruling out all other such factors it is unfair to conclude that the honor code is more successful.（反例不错，句子之间的连接也很顺畅，不知道是否是因为模板的缘故。段落最后一句话可以不要。）

Aside from that, even if we accept that all the students obey the rules of the honor code(这个让步很奇怪，上一段你并没有明确的提出对学生不遵从诚信法的质疑，参见你的第二段主题句，因此这段和上一段感觉没有逻辑上的联系。我建议你把这个让步从句删掉。), the argument ignores the possibility(主题句里面直接点出possibility？这个问题留到段落末尾说) that during the 5 years the honor code might not be the only measure taken by Groveton's which lead to the decrease of cheating cases, and commits a fallacy of hasty generalization that the former is the cause of the latter. However, the aggravation of penalty of cheating, the emphasis on the education of honesty and credit and the improvement of the students’ quality, all theses measures can conduct to a better fact of cheating cases, while the author ignores all theses factors and attribute all the contribution to the honor code, which is just so one-legged. Without ruling out this possibility, the argument's proponent cannot justifiably conclude that the honor code is the only reason of the fact.(这段有一个非常致命的错误：整个段落全是例子，连基本的论述都非常少，甚至可以说连TS都没有。我们不是为了举例子而举例子，例子的作用是为了证明你的某些话，是为了说理服务的。没有说理光有例子，这是舍本逐末)

Finally, a final problem with the argument involves is about the survey,in citing the survey the editorial assumes that a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code. However, I wonder whether all the student be investigated tell the truth. Account for the repute under the honor code, most student will choose not admit their desire or behavior of cheating. Therefore, the president cannot rely on the survey to bolster the recommendation.(批survey的时候，一定要注意两个东西：1.你的说法也只是一个可能性，不要用过于绝对的语言，那会削弱你自己的说服力。尤其是尽量少用be动词，一定要用也要带上might.2.我们并不需要去关心survey本身到底有没有暗示或者诱导被调查者的行为，绝大部分survey是没有的这种行为的，因此你这段的批驳实际上属于小概率事件。我们应该更加关注于survey的全面性，代表性和可靠性上。)

In conclusion, the author fails to adequately support the recommendation that the honor code isfar more successful than the old-fashioned system.To bolster the argument, the argument's proponent must consider and eliminate all other possible explanations for the decline of the reported number of cheating cases, and also must rule out all other possible factors contributing to the result of decrease of the cheating cases.The author must also provide a reliable survey to strengthen the argument.

简单滴看了一下，没有什么语法错误，读起来也很顺畅，句式用词和逻辑衔接需要下功夫。

时间充足，继续努力！

winning1030UID: 2538401

6# irvine666
问问斑斑，看了你给anan改的文章，其中指出anan文章中取消了老师的监督的假设有问题，但是argument题目里的用词是replace,那么老师的监督到底存不存在呢？因为我在看另一个组员的文章 ，其中就指出一处错误，认为报道出的21和14这2个作弊案数仅仅是学生揭发的，也许老师也揭发了，（也许更多），但不包括在21和14中。特地来问问斑斑的意见～～～

irvine666UID: 2575525

那么偶们来分析一下题目的细节好了：
The following appeared as an editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College.

"To combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and university students, these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and an average of thirty cases of cheating per year were reported. The honor code has proven far more successful: in the first year it was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without."

注意上色的地方，实际上，粉红色的部分，是对于an old-fashioned system的一个解释. 所以replace, 是强调新方法取代旧方法。
但是是不是就没有老师监考了？
这个问题可以在另一个颜色的句子中得到解决：notify a faculty member. 从常识的角度来看，考试的时候，如果不是老师在你身边，你怎么notify? 因此可以认为，还是有老师监考的。
另外那个reported,实际上是对应的notify,就是纯属学生之间相互揭发的案例，在后面的proven这个词，也证明了这一说法。

winning1030UID: 2538401

8# irvine666
那么，斑斑的意思是，cheating cases reported仅仅是学生间互相揭发的了？那么，攻击数据问题的时候，可以说实际上21和14都是不完整的数据么，因为不包括老师发现的作弊案（即实际的作弊案大于给出的数字）？

irvine666UID: 2575525

是滴，但是我们只需要focus on学生举报的数字就可以了，老师抓的那个属于跑题行为

winning1030UID: 2538401

10# irvine666
还想弱弱的问一句：为什么是跑题行为呢？因为偶觉得这样也可以说明给出的数据因不完整而无效呢。也就是根本推不出作弊现象变好了。（偶是新手，斑斑表打。。。）
顺便也请斑斑讲解下跑题行为吧，感激ing:loveliness:

irvine666UID: 2575525

简单的说，你的论证是为你的段落中心句服务的，你的段落中心句是为批驳作者的结论或者建议服务的。
红色这句话和粉红色这句话，都需要保证才能够更好的支持，而不是破坏你的立场。
这篇文章作者的基本观点是：honor code这个规定，对减少作弊有帮助，（证据如下...） 因此可以推广到任何地方使用。
那个数据本来就已经说了是： students reported twenty-one cases of cheating，注意作者只是focus on在了students reported的案例数量上，并非总的作弊数量（老师抓的+学生举报的）。
那么如果在你论述中把老师抓的那群人给算进去，你是为了证明啥？

winning1030UID: 2538401

12# irvine666
如果我的主题句是从21和14这两个数据里，作者无法推出honor code有效这个论证。然后我开始写原因.....其中之一的原因就抨击21和14不是老师抓＋学生举报的数据，只是片名的反映了作弊案总数。那么作者推论参考的数据就属于不完整的数据，即无效的数据，也就根本推不出来honor code实施后，作孽情况好转了这一结论。
斑斑觉得呢？

irvine666UID: 2575525

还是那句话，21和14这两个数据只是students reported twenty-one cases of cheating，不是the amount number of cases of cheating., 因此你这句“只是片名的反映了作弊案总数”是站不住脚的

ananbeatgreUID: 2606279

看了斑斑的讲解 偶明白多了 昨天来看到斑斑说我关于老师的假设那点不对的时候 我还纳闷了 好久没明白 恩 现在知道了 10# irvine666