Daily Writing——【Carol】作文帖 求批改 求进步！

carol0607UID: 3022610

8.27 上考场的妹子 开始跟进小组  努力中……

7.13

Which is better, challenging plans about one's future or practical plans about one's future?

412
Everyone makes plan for their own life, there are various plans accompany with our grow up such as: work plan、exercise plan、diet plan and career planning. Each of this motivates us to do better. And making a plan is just like to set up a ruler in order to estimate whether we have a great progress or not. Therefore, it is scientific to make a rational plan in future. You should set a clearly goal and you know you can get it. The plan which is suit for you is a practical plan.

Many students have makes several plans for their dream. There is no denying that it is good habit. However, to make a useful plan is important. You should work out schedule base on your practical situation. Then hold the opportunity to enhance yourself. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be an architect, or a lawyer, or a member of our military? You should practice yourself in every single one of those careers. Practical plans can help you. Because it can solve problems of what you meet in short-term stage. You can choice a university that you want to go in the future when you at senior high school. Then, work hard to make a success. When you are in the college, you want to get a wonderful job in the future. Then, set a goal and proceed in a planned way.

In addition, make practical plans come true can bring us sense of satisfaction. When you accomplish you plans, you will have particular feeling that you are winner. It will increase your confidence when you overcome all kinds of difficulties. For example, people who want to change a job and make salary from 20,000 dollars increase to 35,000 dollars one year. If he get to train for it and work for it and learn for it, he will achieved it. And then, it brings him more motivation and confidence to make a next plan to do it. However, challenging plans are disadvantage. It full of unknown situation in the future. The more difficulties appear the more possible to fail.

In light of these, I would like to say that I personally agree with the statement that is better for one’s future to make a practical plans. To set up rational plan enable us recognize real situation and condition so that do it more easily.


唉 越到后面越词穷了……

carol0607UID: 3022610

真诚求批改

carol0607UID: 3022610

7.14   TPO 1  综合

238

The professor provides sufficient evidence which contradicts the conclusion of the passage. In his view, many company willing to hire full-time employee than four-day worker.

First, the professor opposes the point in the passage that the shortened workweek would increase company profits. This indicates that company will train them in order to enhance their ability and give more welfare benefits so that the fees of management will increase. which is opposite to the claim in the passage. What’s more, the more staff needs more equipment and space. Thus, Company spent lots of money to buy computers or desk or chair even rent office which cut down the profits.

Second, the professor mentions that four-day worker should do same works as other common employees as do. They were suffering high pressure which will make some mistakes when do their work. Therefore, the point in the passage that four-day staff would make fewer costly errors in their work is seriously attacked.

Finally, the professor address that the quality of full-time job are better than four-day workweek. Because, the employee of four-day workweek will decrease their job ability, also some of them will first loss their job when economy downturn. The company may incline to choice employee who works five days because they are more stable . Therefore, the conclusion in the passage that the option of a four-day workweek would be better for individual employees is objected by the professor.

carol0607UID: 3022610

7.14 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office 10,5,22

新手，没按规定时间，举的例子也比较生活化 想不出太牛逼的~

452
Within several decades, with rapid development of society, the more advance technologies to be use in work such as teleconference or online management system. These technology enable us to work more convenience, also it can increase working efficiency. Therefore, people can do their work access to the internet or use telephone at home. The environment of working is indispensable factors to determine whether they have good performance or not. Thus, I prefer working at home to use telephone or computers rather than working in the office.

At first glance, working at office seems more professional, but it has lots of limitation which does not occur at home. Using computers or telephones at home provide more flexibility. People can arrange their schedule for personal situation under the premise of work well. My mother is typical example. When I was child, I always fall sick and my mother don’t always have time to look after me due to she have to work everyday in company. So, she considers changing a job which has less amount of work in order to take care of me. Then, she got a new job which can stay at home to deal with all work tasks. She can use spare time to feed me medicine and save time in rush hour so that she got more opportunities to look after me very well. The phenomenon of working at home is more prevalent. Especially in the international company. The employer do work in their home will feel more comfortable. So that they have good mood and put in more energy in working, it will increase efficiency obviously.

What’ more, working at home will help company save a lot of money. The traditional way needs many types of equipment to support working such as computer, printer, and other office supplies. Aldo need to rent wide space to woke in. There is no doubt that to cut down the huge profits for company. Manager can save this money to invest other important project which can support the company turn around. Staff can use teleconference to have meeting, they just need to share materials online or send E-mail to hand in report without print it out or scan it. It also can save many charges. In my opinion, the way working at home not only simple but also economical.

In sum, although working in the office has advantage such as people can get more opportunities to communicate with each others. However, I still insist on working at home. What’s the most important is that working at home will produce less carbon dioxide than in the office which do harm for the environment. Above all of these, I totally agree with working at home.

应小呆UID: 3109940

欢迎你来改我的作文

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1280678-5-1.html
Everyone makes plan for their own life, there are various plans accompany（accompanied） with our grow up such as: work plan、exercise plan、diet plan and career planning. （我觉得这种开头很好~）Each of this motivates us to do better. And making a plan is just like to set up a ruler in order to estimate whether we have a great progress or not. Therefore, it is scientific to make a rational plan in future. You should set a clearly goal and you know you can get it. The plan which is suit for you is a practical plan.- F9 j0 V$ D. Q) a7 [& _- \3 o

9 I
, l- ^2 G( ~! E. }/ Q
Many students have makes（made） several plans for their dream. There is no denying that it is good habit. However, to make a useful plan is important. You should work out schedule based on your practical situation. Then hold the opportunity to enhance yourself. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be an architect, or a lawyer, or a member of our military? You should practice yourself in every single one of those careers. Practical plans can help you. Because it can solve problems of what you meet in short-term stage. You can choice（choose） a university that you want to go in the future when you at senior high school. Then, work hard to make a success. When you are in the college, you want to get a wonderful job in the future. Then, set a goal and proceed in a planned way.（但是这并不能说明practical比challenging好吖）9 ^5 O4 J! X% ~- H% s

In addition, make practical plans come true can bring us sense of satisfaction（也许challenging 会给你更大的满足感，你没有说明为什么challenging不能给予满足感）. When you accomplish you plans, you will have particular feeling that you are （加一个the？）winner. It will increase your confidence when you overcome all kinds of difficulties. For example, people who want to change a job and make salary from 20,000 dollars increase（语义重复，两个数字本就可以表达这个意思，在GMAT里这已经算是语法错误了呢） to 35,000 dollars one year. If he get to train（be trained） for it and work for it and learn for it, he will achieved it. And then, it brings him more motivation and confidence to make a next plan to do it. However, challenging plans are(是have？因为plan和优缺点之间没有可比性吖) disadvantage. It full of unknown situation in the future. The more difficulties appear the more possible to fail. 7 B; [' m( O) m+ N9 C6 Z" R/ z4 j
/ ?7 ^& {5 I9 [0 d+ K
In light of these, I would like to say that I personally agree with the statement that is better for one’s future to make a practical plans. To set up rational plan enable us recognize real situation and condition so that do it more easily.


我感觉有点跑题，题目要求比较好坏，论述自己的选择，但carol你没有比较好坏，自己的选择也和题目的选择含义上来说不太一样。
加油↖(^ω^)↗，一起努力~

1 H9 A' U1 S/ J0 p# [/ e$ e, S

carol0607UID: 3022610

恩恩  我也发现 我在论证这个环节比较薄弱

回头好好琢磨！

cherrycarrieUID: 2943359

Within several decades, with rapid development of society, the more advance technologies to be use (are used) in work such as teleconference or online management system. These technology enable us to work more convenience, also it can increase working efficiency. Therefore, people can do their work access to the internet or use telephone at home. The environment of working is indispensable factors to determine whether they have good performance or not. Thus, I prefer working at home to use telephone or computers rather than working in the office.

At first glance,(好词~撒花~) working at office seems more professional, but it has lots of limitation which does not occur at home. Using computers or telephones at home provide more flexibility. People can arrange their schedule for personal situation under the premise of work well. My mother is typical example. When I was child, I always fall sick and my mother don’t always have time to look after me due to she have to work everyday in company. So, she considers changing a job which has less amount of work in order to take care of me. Then, she got a new job which can stay at home to deal with all work tasks. She can use spare time to feed me medicine and save time in rush hour so that she got more opportunities to look after me very well. The phenomenon of working at home is more prevalent. Especially in the international company. The employer do work in their home will feel more comfortable. So that they have good mood and put in more energy in working, it will increase efficiency obviously.

What’ more, working at home will help company save a lot of money. The traditional way needs many types of equipment to support working （delete） such as computer, printer, and other office supplies. Aldo(?) need to rent wide space to woke(?) in. (if people work at home, money used for renting space and buying printers and computers can be saved) There is no doubt that to (this can) cut down the huge profits for company. Manager can save this money to invest other important project which can support the company turn around. Staff can use teleconference to have meeting, they just need to share materials online or send E-mail to hand in report without print it out or scan it. It also can save many charges. In my opinion, the way working at home not only simple but also economical.(顺序有点混乱，可以在公司里还要花钱,在家里不用since computers...are easily accessible, we can use... to hold meetings，剩下的钱可以干别的，所以好)

In sum, although working in the office has advantage such as people can get more opportunities to communicate with each others.(although然后就句号了？另，although,but不要同时哟。) However, I still insist on working at home. What’s the most important is that working at home will produce less carbon dioxide than in the office which do harm for the environment.（这句是新的论点啊= =？最好在结尾段前简单说两句，独立成段吧。） Above all of these, I totally agree with working at home.

carol0607UID: 3022610

啊  我尽犯些低级错误…… 掩面……

carol0607UID: 3022610

7.16

这之前你们都写过的话题 我给补上

Do you agree that the government should support the scientific research even there’s no practical use？


388
The government pay a high price to manage country,  many aspects including health care、education、scientific researches、environmental issues and so on. For the past decades, the government has been working for the scientific researches which cost a plenty of money. There is no denying that the invention of our live even of our country is indispensable. It pays for researches in order to make a great contribution. But a lot of researches have no results. It is conceivable that to waste too much time and fees in useless scientific research are not a wise move.

In the first place, a lab needs a group of people to do research together. Therefore, the government hires scientists from the best university or invites famous scholars from aboard. Also, due to the experiment needs precious instruments, the government should buy some advanced equipments. Thus, we need spent much money to afford it. We will spare no effort to support it if the scientific researches are successful. However, there are many researches are in process which is inefficient and no practice use. It is affecting our life indirectly. Because we pay tax to the government in order to make our nation more prosperity and the life more comfortable. Nevertheless, there is nothing render us that the scientific researches of the government is useless.

What’ more, as we all know, people do research will produces some dirty liquid or gas or something else which is harmful to the environment. These wastes may have poison, it will affect our live. Poisonous diffuses in the air that people breath. The pollution of water flew into the river which is harm for the ecology. And year after year, those poisonous elements will accumulate around our live circumstance, which tend to cause diseases like cancer or other fatal sickness.Thus, the researches of no practice use have nothing to gain especially have those disadvantages.

Finally, the government should improve other aspect better than support the no practice use of research. The government can save this money to invest other valuable scientific researches. Also, focus on high education is equal importance, because is can bring up more creativity scientists to explore new energy. Thus, the government should not spent a plenty money and lots of time in scientific researches which is no practice use.

cherrycarrieUID: 2943359

The government pay a high price to manage country,  many aspects including health care、education、scientific researches、environmental issues and so on.（这是什么结构？干脆省略many aspects直接说including.） For the past decades, the government has been working for the scientific researches which cost a plenty of money. There is no denying that the invention of our live even of our country is indispensable. It pays for researches in order to make a great contribution. But a lot of researches have no results. It is conceivable that to waste too much time and fees in (on) useless scientific research are not a wise move.

In the first place, a lab needs a group of people to do research together. Therefore, （有因果关系么？）the government hires scientists from the best university or invites famous scholars from aboard.(是政府招募工作人员么？政府不是只投资么？) Also, due to the experiment needs precious instruments, the government should buy some advanced equipments. Thus, we need spent much money to afford it. We will spare no effort to support it if the scientific researches are successful. However, there are many researches are in process which is inefficient and no practice use.（= =你要这么说也可以。我觉得这之前的我可能不太同意，或者你可以把这句观点多解释一下，说明在研究过程中会有人力资源的浪费，而对于这部分资源的投资，政府是不需要也不应该支持的，这些资源应该用于更广泛的工作，例如。。。） It is affecting our life indirectly. Because we pay tax to the government in order to make our nation more prosperity and the life more comfortable. Nevertheless, there is nothing render us that the scientific researches of the government is useless. & a' c5 V. U! W
总的来说，觉得这一段的观点有点混乱，一会儿说政府要招募人，又是人力浪费，又是tax。
我觉得人力资源浪费和tax可以分开来说。（人力资源已说明）
对于tax可以说，在纳税人看来，政府花他们的钱做一些没办法被常人理解的事和没有对他们有实际好处的科研是不能理解的。因此，政府应该吧这部分更多的用于你一开头说的health care之类的。

What’ more, as we all know, people do research will produces some dirty liquid or gas（专业点= =用pollute之类的吧） or something else which is harmful to the environment. These wastes may have poison, it will affect our live（grammar）. Poisonous diffuses in the air that people breath. The pollution of water flew into the river which is harm for the ecology. And year after year, those poisonous elements will accumulate around our live circumstance, which tend to cause diseases like cancer or other fatal sickness.Thus, the researches of no practice use have nothing to gain especially have those disadvantages.= =不如说，the researches which have no practical uses have nothing to gain but do harm to our environment.最好再说一句，政府投资不正是鼓励他们破坏环境么？/或者说不能投资鼓励。



R1 |
Finally, the government should improve other aspect better than support the no practice use of research. The government can save this money to invest other valuable scientific researches. Also, focus（focusing） on high education is equal importance（t）, because is can bring up more creativity（creative） scientists to explore new energy. Thus, the government should not spent a plenty money and lots of time in scientific researches which is no practice use.

总的来说，观点可以，但是结构有点混乱，建议在段首加一句主题句，然后围绕这个观点说理或距离。
有点小错误~

另：欢迎来批我的作文~~~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1240367-3-1.html
我的独立和综合都写好了~

carol0607UID: 3022610

7.17
TPO2  285
The professor provides sufficient evidences which contradict the conclusion of the passage. In his view, in many organizations, to approach certain new projects is not the best way to assemble a group of people into a team.

First, the professor opposes the point in the passage that a group can work more quickly in response to the task assigned to it and come up with highly creative solutions to problems and issue. She says that, individuals in the group have disadvantage because individuals can move to many meeting or projects very quickly which the group can not do it. This indicates that the efficiency of individuals is better than a group, which is opposes to the claim in the passage.

Second, the single individual is more flexible, this confirmed by the professor via offering more evidences. For one thing, individuals are freedom so that they can express their idea completely. What’s more, individuals can get a lot of benefits when they make a great contribution. By contrast, there is no rewarding for a person in a group when someone makes a great decision.   Therefore, the point in the passage that individuals’ contributions and ideas will be recognized as highly significant is seriously attacked.

Third, the professor contradicts the passage by demonstrating a group of people have disadvantage. Because management will influence they makes decision. Someone may have a good idea but it can not be work until have a discussion which is reduces their creativity. What is most important is that if the project of group fails, all members will be blame. This evidence clearly shows that having a team of people have lots of disadvantages, it not a best way to do the projects.

carol0607UID: 3022610

10# fyxloveu


你的批改太让我汗颜了  太专业了

让我想起了 我导师给我批改论文……

谢谢你啊   提的意见很宝贵！！！！

nankaichemUID: 2704316

LZ

nankaichemUID: 2704316

加油