~作文集合修改铺开张啦~

67169619UID：2320695

友情帮顶:loveliness:

AK474747UID：2309314

写了cam 4 test 4的task1， 请大家帮我改改，说说大概在几分档次

The charts show that the number of people who traveled to and from the UK from 1797 to 1999, and that the most popular contries visited by UK residents in 1999.

In genara, both number of people who travel to the UK and from the UK were increased between 1978 to 1999. There were more people who were UK residents visiting abroad than those who visited to the UK from other countries. This situation was more evident after 1986.

It gradually increased during 1978 to 1986 from about 12 million to 20 million. After that, the number of people who visited abroad by UK residents sharply skyrocketed until 1999, over 50 million. In 1999, most of British visited to France, about 11 million UK visitors. Secondly, there were about 9 million visitors to Spain. Also, approximately 4 million English went to the USA. There were less people who visited to Greece and Turkey, 3 million and 2 million, respectively.

The number of overseas who visited to the UK is million in 1979. It rised slowly, arriving about 12 million in 1986. However, it increased faster since 1986. In 1999, the number was about 28 million.

谢谢啦！

AK474747UID：2309314

多谢醉清风的点评，不过如果能点评的详细的更好，能帮我批出更多的details吗？非常感谢啊

wannieUID：2655228

7月4日就要第三次考雅思了，之前两次都是5分，颇为伤心。不知道现在能得几分 ，欢迎猛拍，不胜感激
Title: As for elderly, living in caring house is better than living at home with children. Present your argument to illustrate whether you agree of disagree.

It is well-established that there are large numbers of elderly people choosing to live in caring house rather than their home with young children. However, whether living in caring house is a better choice for elderly people has become a limelight debate. In my opinion, the advantages of living in caring house overweight the advantages of living at home.

Some individuals claim that elderly people should live at home with their children. There are several reasons. Firstly, the elderly people who living at home with children could have good communication with their family members. If they living in caring house alone, they would fell be abandoned and miss their children. Secondly, people have the responsibility to take care if their old parents. They should not send their parents to nursing house just because they are busing working.

On the surface of it, those reasons sound pretty convincing. But when examine the issue from another angle, we easily find that they can not hold the water. First of all, they are plenty of all-round facilities for elderly people in nursing house. They can do the activities they like; even some elderly people enjoy surfing the Internet in nursing house. And, the people in nursing house are with same age. They can make friends in it, because it is easier to communicate with their peers. If they have friends, they will never fell lonely no matter their children come to see them of not. What’s more, there are plenty of nurses and doctors in caring house. Hence, they could be taken good care of. If they suffer some illness, they should not go to hospital. Last but not least, their children are busy with their work; therefore they do not have enough time and energy to look after their parents.

As far as I concerned, elderly people should living in caring house, which benefits to them and their children. Because living in nursing house, they can be taken good care of by professional nurses and doctors and they can make friends with their peers. They can lead a happy and health life.

wannieUID：2655228

谢谢，谢谢，不知道上面那篇我能得几分啊？？
我今天又写了一篇，欢迎猛拍
Title: In order to learn a language well, we should also learn about the country as well as the cultures and lifestyles of the people who speak it. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

With the development of globalization, more people learn foreign language. Some individuals claim that learning about the country as well as the cultures and lifestyles of native speakers’ is beneficial for us to learn foreign language. However, others think learning cultures and history is useless. As far as I am concerned, learning cultures and lifestyles of local speaker bring many benefits to learn foreign language.

The first reason why individuals should learn local cultures, histories as well as lifestyles is because it is an effective way to learn foreign language. For example, we watch some TV soap opera in English like Friends, and Gossip Girl to improve our ability of speaking and listening. At the same time, we read some English novels namely Harry Potter and Gone with Wind to practice our reading speed. This methodology is good for us and we never fell boring or monotonous. And then, the aim of learning language is communicate with others. If we know the local cultures and lifestyles, it is easily for us to make friends with foreigners. What’s more, the best way of learning a foreign language is going to that country and attending some language classes. If we live in another country, we should know the local lifestyles.

However, there are several reasons for do not learn native speakers’ cultures and lifestyles. Firstly, our time and energy is limited. We are busy with our work and classes. If we spend some time to learn other countries’ cultures and histories, we should reduce the leisure time. What’s more, not everyone have the opportunity to travel to foreign countries. It is useless to learn foreigners’ lifestyles. We should use limited time to learn some useful skills.

In my opinion, learning foreign cultures and local lifestyles helps us learning foreign language well, because it is more interesting and it is convenient for us to communicating with others.

wannieUID：2655228

上面那篇是我发的啊

kangyijieUID：2579535

谢谢，谢谢，不知道上面那篇我能得几分啊？？
我今天又写了一篇，欢迎猛拍
Title: In order to learn a language well, we should also learn about the country as well as the cultures and lifestyles of the p ...
wannie 发表于 2009-6-26 22:26

Title: In order to learn a language well, we should also learn about the country as well as the cultures and lifestyles of the people who speak it. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

With the development of globalization, more people learn foreign language（1.我记得曾经听新航道一个作文老师说，尽量不要用with the..., more people...，这个句型，因为用得太多了；2. language是可数名词，一般来讲，可数名词前要加个冠词或者写成复数形式，建议写成languages；3. more people写成an increasing number of people会好点）. Some individuals claim that learning about the country as well as the cultures and lifestyles of native speakers’（speakers,不要写成speakers'） is beneficial for us to learn foreign language(同上，languages). However, others think learning cultures and history is useless. As far as I am concerned, learning cultures and lifestyles of local speaker(speaker变成复数) bring（这句的主语是动名词短语，要用第三人称单数形式） many benefits to learn foreign language.

The first reason why individuals should learn local cultures, histories as well as lifestyles is because（because改成that） it is an effective way to learn foreign language. For example, we watch some TV soap （some后要用复数）in English like Friends, and Gossip Girl to improve our ability of speaking and listening. At the same time, we read some English novels namely（namely似乎用得不合适，建议改成like） Harry Potter and Gone with Wind to practice our reading speed. This methodology is good for us and we never fell(拼写错误，feel) boring or monotonous. And then, the aim of learning language is communicate(一句话不能连续出现两个动词，改成to communicate会好点) with others. If we know the local cultures and lifestyles, it is easily（要用形容词形式，改成easy） for us to make friends with foreigners. What’s more, the best way of learning a foreign language is going to(go to 改成visit会好点，虽然go to 没有语法错误) that country and attending some language classes. If we live in another country, we should know the local lifestyles. （最后一句话感觉可以删去）

However, there are several reasons for do（介词后不可出现动词原形，介词后一般用动词的动名词形式） not learn native speakers’ cultures and lifestyles. Firstly, our time and energy is limited. We are busy with our work and classes. If we spend some time to learn other countries’ cultures and histories, we should reduce the leisure time. What’s more, not everyone have the opportunity to travel to foreign countries. It is useless to learn foreigners’ lifestyles. We should use limited time to learn some useful skills.（最后一句话貌似也和全文没什么关系，可以删除）

In my opinion, learning foreign cultures and local lifestyles helps us learning foreign language well, because it is more interesting and it is convenient（conveniet这个词用得不合适） for us to communicating with others.

惭愧地说一下个人意见： 整篇文章语法错误较多，个别地方用词不准确。 个人觉得这篇文章在5.5-6.0之间的分数。

此外，我个人的一个经验：在陈述理由的时候，最好就直接用first(或者firstly), second(secondly)...这样的简单词。这样会让整篇文章的结构很清晰。我觉得无需在这样的连接词上用其他花哨的词汇，就算全文出现几次first(或者firstly), second(secondly)...也没什么关系的。 全文结构清晰非常重要。

以上个人意见，如有错误之处，望指正，鄙人不胜感激。

williamdfjUID：2443893

大家好！



叫我Will就好啦~ 我快要考IELTS，才开始练习写作... 惭愧啊=(  

我这几天每天都会按指定时间模拟练习，请大家给个大概的分数和提点意见吧。非常非常非常感谢哦！



这次剑5的第一篇Test的作文 指定时间40分钟完成的 （包括有6处单词拼写小错误，我输入Word的时候已经被自动改正了）



题目: Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female student in every subject.

             Do you agree or disagree?

  





There is no doubt that people constantly argue whether the higher education institutions, such as colleges and universities, should admit its students in a equal gender proportion to every detail subject. Many largely agree and deliver their supports without hesitation, while others seemingly don’t regard it a wise decision, even oppose to this issue.



Admittedly, men and women are born equally. We’re not living in the past or the era of Medieval at all. Therefore, we don’t necessarily carry on any gender discrimination or sexism any longer. The women undoubtedly have the same and equal rights to access the same course just as men do. It’s legally, morally and logically true. At the same time, the diversity could also add to the long list of advantages if women join every subject men. The panorama of a dull all-man setting of class will no more exist, while harmonious and communicative atmosphere of every classroom definitely will occur consequently. Ideas exchange and insights spark in a favorable promotion of the subject with the help of women’s unique thinking and own contributions. There’s also worth to mention that the recent study indicates that women somehow have their own potential and strengths in some subjects which traditionally are male dominant according to the release of a research carried by Harvard University Women Studies Center. It seems that many young female learners lack confidence at their very early age due to the negative comments or distrust on their successful learning in Science, rather than their intellectual incapability. By accepting the equal number of students, both male and female, truly it brings out an opportunity to fulfill the potential of every student and generate a equal society.



The opposite voice concerning this issue could also be heard widely in support with reasonable arguments. The first one, many folks may see it that may lead to inefficiency in higher education. The university education is not fundamental education, is emphasizing its significance in specialized knowledge and research in depth. This plausible equality basically don’t help spur the innovation, for they have to burn more time in enlightening every student primarily. For the sake of protecting the vulnerable group, some also consider the existence of hazardous aspects for women to participating in certain dangerous subjects, such as nuclear studies or chemistry. It may be no suitable for some female, some insisted.



Every coin has two sides. There are advantages and disadvantages existed and affected simultaneously to this debate issue. From my very mixed view point, the solution has to and ought to be very flexible and operative. Absolutely, the real admission hinges on the basis of students’ interest and authentic choice. But the universities open door of opportunities to everybody in every subject and allow the free choice from students, which is literally true.

kangyijieUID：2579535

文章写得很好，但有两点意见：
1. 字数太多。你在考场上的时候根本没有办法写四百多个字，第一是因为你没有这么多时间，第二是因为没有这么多答题纸（你只有一张答题纸，我印象没错的话，就是两页A4纸），第三是因为阅卷老师没有这么多时间看四百多个字。题目要求250字以上，一般以300出头为宜。
2. Every coin has two sides.这句话最好别用了。我在听 新航道 的一个公开讲座时， 一个老师提到：他问雅思作文阅卷老师最讨厌见到的句型是什么，那个阅卷老师说，就是Every coin has two sides.
当时新航道的那个老师说，Every coin has two sides.这句话是新航道的胡敏在N年前说（发明）出来的，现在已经被用烂了。
不管那个新航道的老师说的是真的还是假的，总之Every coin has two sides.最好别再用了。
在不考虑你的文章的字数过多的情况下，我觉得这篇文章应该有7分左右。 不过请楼上的同学千万注意，在考场上写这么长的文章的可能性很小的。
以上是个人意见，如有错误之处，望指正，鄙人不胜感激。

饱饭仔UID：2505959

貌似是用WORD打的吧
要考试了,用铅笔写吧
浏览了下,文章整体写的是比较流畅的
有几个意见,个人意见
第一,中性观点的话,不是说不能写,这样的文章比较难写
第二,你的让步段明显就论证比较翔实,如果,你要中性的话,注意篇幅的分布,看完,我的印象就是你偏向男女平等,但是你结尾又说得比较绕
第三,个人建议还是开头就摆出观点吧,实际上,阅卷老师不会真去仔细阅读你的文章,曾经跟一个退役考官交流过,他说,看作文,第一段找观点,然后看每段开头句,然后扫读,看各层意思.所以,多用一些提示词,也是比较有作用的
第四,结尾不要那么绕,英文写作就是线性思维,一定不要像写中文作文那样,前面说一堆铺垫.你可以直接说出观点,把那么铺垫用来解释.