据说是要给自己的写作作业开一个楼来着~跪求指导！

byebyehakuUID：3124349

话说这是新人有史以来第一次写托福作文。没有背过句型，不知道模板，使用的还是初中生常用词汇，语法错误也难以避免，仅仅熟悉了下各位达人的写作经验、、知道了点一般格式什么的。
这些咱会在写作的过程中慢慢开始积累背诵的……

不过现在，还请各位大人不要大意的拍死我吧~！！！哪怕全篇都是红叉我也无所谓哦~

以下是文章~~！

（8.2）
Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than helpdetermine children's future.


Do what your parents want you to do. This sentence hasbeen obeyed by most of our Chinese people through out the history. It seemsthat with the development of our country, our parents tend to tell us to haveour own choice but never take their words in to practice. We may follow ourparents’ words in the daily life. However, I do believe that we should make ourown choice when determine our own future.

Only children themselves know what they want. There is afamous sentence put by Zhuang Zi, one of the greatest philosophers in China, said “howcan you understand the happiness of a fish while you are not a fish” whichmeans you can not understand one person completely, including your children. Iam sure that every parent in this world wants their children to have a brightfuture, and I believe that is the reason they want to help determine children’sfuture. But we can not say that we will like whatever parents think is good,and a kind of life with the ignorance of our mind is impossible to make usenjoyable.

Children will be irresponsible to their life and everychoice. Famous anchor Chenggang Rui once put an example in his new book said: whenordering in a restaurant, American children will point out their need indetails such as a Hamburgwith two pieces of cheese. However, Chinese children will let their parents dothe order and complain the taste after they get the food, but never orderanything by themselves. It just like children nowadays in China, theycomplain about the bad choice which their parents made for them and the regulations.But when asking their own choices, they can not give you an accurate answer. Tomake a choice for children may help them with a big problem; on the other hand,it will decrease their willing and capability to make their own choice.

People will argue that children have less experience thantheir parents. But parents are not always right. Take Bill Gates as an example,if there is a choice for parents to decide whether to let your children dropthe university or not, I guess there is no doubt that most of them will never letthis thing happened. However, Bill does succeed in business while dropped theuniversity. There is also an unpleasant example. One of my classmates Dan Zi,who dropped the university out of her parents’ willing and go to work in afactory. She has been there of three years, however, her salary is quite lowand even a new graduate can get much higher than her. Not mention the qualitiesof her life. Frankly, I can hardly agree that her parents made a good choicefor her and I do not believe parents without well educated can make any goodchoice.

In summery, parents play an important role during ourwhole life. But it is also significant to let children know what they want andoffer some advices only when they needed.

lwrsmilingUID：3159417

11.10号的我改好了:)

xiaoniao123UID：2541605

169# byebyehaku
不好意思，我都欠了好几个作业没改了，今天晚上加班一定都改完！实在是不好意思！

byebyehakuUID：3124349

172# 海风吹过
谢谢~！建议很中肯~~有几句话我果然写得太生硬了

海风吹过UID：3199801

11.8 独立修改 刚参加小组 水平有限 见谅啊！文章我尽力改了

byebyehakuUID：3124349

11.10  独立  



你同意或不同意，那些成功的人的 character，communication skill  是最重要的

I agree that mastering a good communication skill will benefit people’s career a lot. However, while the communication skill will no doubt benefit people, there are many other skills which are more important than communication skill, and the losing of credit which result from focus on communication skill too much will probably be the problem that prevent people from succeed.

The dearest and most immediate beneficial people can get from good communication skill is their wide network. When people communicate with others, a good communication skill can let people get more supporters or friends in a short time and make people more easily to get help from others, which is, after all, accelerate their speed of success. Also, good communication skill will help people be understood by others, thus, their works or products will be understand easily and accepted by more people. Thereby, good communication skill can have positive effect on people’s career.

With respect to other skills, however, the skill of communication is less convincing to be the most important one. Consider, for instance, the success of Bill Gates. It might seem that without a good communication with his employees and friends, Bill can’t get his position now. However, Bill is actually a geek of computer and it is because the specific knowledge and his programming skills that produce his Windows operation system, not his communication skill. Accordingly, without communication skill, Bill can still develop the operation system as well, while without the knowledge and programming skills, there will be no Windows operation system and Bill might not get his position nowadays. Consider also, the success of Steve Jobs. Since Jobs do have a splendid communication skill and relatively less skillful in computer, on the one hand, it would seem that Jobs’ success is based on his communication skill. However, by the same token, Jobs’ success mainly due to his clear target on market. That is, he knows what the consumers need and what he should produce. Without this kind of skill, he can’t become one of the best CEO in the world. So, communication skill can promote people’s success, but it is not a necessity skill, while the specific knowledge in the career field is more important than it.

The impact of losing the credit, however, might become a problem brought by depending too much on communication skill as well. It might seem that a good communication skill can effectively help people gain more friends and supporters, however, only by selling conceptions and ideas without any relative product, people will lost their confidence to the conceptions and ideas. Thus, the supporters and friends people gain by their good communication will disappear. So, depends on communication skills too much can be harmful sometime.

In sum, the wide networks which result from the good communication skill will no doubt benefit people’s career. However, the specific skills in different career fields are comparatively more important than communication skill and depending too much on communication skill will harm people’s careers.

byebyehakuUID：3124349

11.9  独立  


住城市还是农村更好的照顾家人？

I agree that moving family members to the countryside will let their life become much more leisure than in the city with less pollution. However, while living in the countryside will no doubt benefit their life, the lack of health and education resources and the less entertainment facilities will probably be the bothering one prevents people from taking care of their family members.

The dearest and most immediate benefit for people who live in the countryside is the environment. Since the pollution problems have became more serious in the city nowadays, in sake for family members’ health, it is wise for people to move to the countryside which has fresher air and clear streams. Also, people who live in the rural areas can have more contact with their neighbors. Different from the busy people in the city, people in the countryside live a leisure life and have more time to talk with their neighbors. So, living in the rural areas can offer families a better living environment and a happy mood.

With respect to the lack of education resources and health institutions, however, the condition of rural areas is less beneficial to family members. It might seem that if children can access to the internet, they can get the best education wherever they live. However, the place where children live will no doubt have an influence on children’s values and their view to the world. Consider, for instance, the rural areas in China. Because most of the rural areas cannot access to the internet and teacher there are less skilled when compared with teachers in city, thereby, children in the rural areas receive low quality of education and have few chance for them to know the world outside. Consider also, the problem of health institution. On the one hand, it would seem that the fresh air and clean water in the rural areas will reduce the possibility of people’s illness, however, when they unfortunately get terribly sick, they will find that with few formal health institutions and the out of date facilities, it is really hard for them to cure their illness unless they go to the hospital in city. SO, living condition is vital for people’s living quality and rural areas are accordingly not the best choice.

The impact of entertainment facilities might also be the bothering one as well. Since people in rural areas have more time and more willing to talk with people, it might seem that family members will get more fun there. However, talking is only one way of entertainment and only serves to some people who like to talk about gossips. For many of the young people and the well educated old people this kind of entertainment can’t entertain them for long time. In the end, they will suffer a lot from the lack of entertainment in countryside.

In sum, even though the good environment and the friendly people in countryside will benefit people a lot, the lack of health institutions and the education resources will prevent people from taking good care of their family members.

byebyehakuUID：3124349

11.8 独立


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can learn more from watching television than reading books

I agree that people can benefit a lot from reading books. However, while the books will no doubt bring people a peaceful mind and the chance to talk with great people, the absence of latest events and the less adaption to people’s living pace will probably be the weakness which books cannot overcome.

The dearest and most immediate benefit people can get from books is the peaceful mind. When people read a book whatever the book is, they have to calm down their mind and try to slow down their pace in order to get into the book- which is, after all, a step to get into a peaceful state. Also, there are large amount of classic books which contains the intelligence of human. By reading these great books people can actually talk with the great people, thereby, increase the intelligence and get the peaceful mind.

With respect to the latest events, however, books are less beneficial than televisions. After all, the processes such as writing, edition and printing need a lot of time, thus, when the book has been published the event may out of date already. Also, events usually contain less information than what books usually contain. Accordingly, book cannot offer the latest events as what television can do. For example emerge of newspaper. It is because that book cannot satisfy people’s requirement of late news, so the newspaper was invented.

The impact of adaption to people’s living pace might become the weakness as well. Consider, for instance, in order to get information with limited time, books or televisions which would you choose? Since people usually spend a lot of time in reading, it might seem that with limited time people will probably tend to get the information by reading. However, with the simulation from both visual and hearing and sometimes with words given by the television, people can understand information more efficiently. This is important because the pace of the society is like a running train, and in order to catch up with it, people are trying their best to get information quickly and television is accordingly their first choice.

In sum, the intelligence in the books can only serve to the people who have time and patient to read. However, television is such a media that allows people to learn as much as possible and serves people with latest news. So, people actually learn more things from television.

byebyehakuUID：3124349

167# futureguitar
谢谢……只要有批改就非常有帮助了。。。鞠躬~！

futureguitarUID：2235107

159# byebyehaku 非常抱歉，如此之晚。不过你的文章我已经改不了多少。唯一共勉的就是，要严格限时啊

raul2011UID：3001998

改好了

城堡没公主UID：3198432

I agree that working only three days a week is indeed quite enjoyable to everyone. Although the three-day style will allow people to have more free time and enjoy their personal life better, the less efficient of working and the reducing of payment might be an annoying one(one 指代的是什么？) bother both office workers and their bosses.

The dearest and most immediate beneficiaries from the three-day style of working are the office workers. When they plan a trip, they never limit their trip into a two-day trip; they can have a five-day trip and enjoy their holiday better than people who work five days a week. Also, the three-day working can let people get full relax and go to work energetically, thereby, it does good to both their health and their jobs.& g. _8 U: v$ f" d# J% H$ W4 {

With respect of less efficient work, however, the three-day working is less beneficial than the five-day style. It might seem that if people get a better rest during the rest of five days, they can go back to work with high passion and do their job more efficiently. However,(或者According to a suvey in America, most of the office workers) a survey conducted in America(不够具体，可以直接说是某某报纸或者组织) that most of the office workers choose a way of relaxing that might not seem to be good for their health(这句话awkward), such as drinking wine.Therefore, it will cause a relatively low level of passion and bad healthy condition. After all(这是毕竟的意思)Consequently,主语呢？ decline their work efficiency. Besides, the long holiday will lead to workers' less concentration on their works. Consider, for instance, you are going to travel with your friends during the five-day holiday. It might seem that people work even harder in order to finish their work in this week, however, for most people they will be distracted by this thought(Chinglish). This incident can be illustrated by the example that the last class before the summer holiday, no students can concentrate on their books. Such a long day rest will lead to workers' bad healthy conditions and the less efficient of work.

The impact of less payment might be an annoying thing as well. Consider, for instance, the worker who paid by day. Since they have more free time, it might seem that the five-day rest offers them more chance to find a(前面没有提过兼职哪来的another?) part-time job in order to raise their incomes. However, in that case, there is no different between the five-days of working. But if they choose to stop working and enjoying their lives during the five-day rest, their income will no doubt decrease and if they go shopping during this five-day, the raise of their outcome will stretch the gap between the income and outcome. So, concerning to less payment, people will not fully enjoy their five-day's rest.9 H% K) s( M& y2 \7 V$ F1 w/ ^3 O
  u# f' S& w4 P# v& i. N  A. s
In sum, longer holidays will no doubt offer people more time enjoying their lives. However, the less efficient of working and the reducing of income will prevent people from enjoying their five-day's rest.
我用的是修订模式，所以删除的内容直接帖显示不出来。得对照着原文看哈

Heather890704UID：3167004

不好意思,改晚了。
11.4号我们是一组的。这个是你的TPO8综合写作~~

城堡没公主UID：3198432

我不会发附件 作文改好了 你和我说下怎么发附件吧。。

byebyehakuUID：3124349

10.5  独立   
再次控制时间失败……我就非要多用10分钟么！！！！！

Do you agree with this statement: it is more enjoyable to have a job, and you work only three days a week with long hours rather than work five days a week with shorter hours


I agree that working only three days a week is indeed quite enjoyable to everyone. However, while the three-day style will no doubt allow people to have more free time and enjoy their personal life better, the less efficient of working and the reducing of payment might be an annoying one bother both office workers and their bosses.

The dearest and most immediate beneficiaries from the three-day style of working are the office workers. When they plan a trip, they never to limit their trip into a two-day trip, they can have a five-day trip and enjoy their holiday better than people who work five days a week. Also, the three-day working can let people get full relax and go to work with hyper passion, thereby, good for both their health and the jobs they do.

With respect of less efficient work, however, the three-day working is less beneficial than the five-day style. It might seem that if people get a better rest during the rest of five days, they can go back to work with high passion and do their job more efficiently. However, according to a survey in America that most of the office workers choose a way of relaxing that might not seem to be good for their health, such as drinking wine. In the end, result in a relatively low level of passion and bad healthy condition. After all, decline their work efficiency. Besides, the long holiday will lead workers' less concentration on their works. Consider, for instance, you are going to travel with your friends during the five-day holiday. It might seem that people will work even harder in order to finish their work in this week, however, for most people they will be distracted by this thought. This incident can be illustrated by the example that the last class before the summer holiday, no students can concentrate on their books. So long day rest will lead to workers' bad healthy conditions and the less efficient of work.

The impact of less payment might be an annoying thing as well. Consider, for instance, the worker who paid by day. Since they have more free time, it might seem that the five-day rest offers them more chance to find another part-time job and raise their incomes. However, in that case, there is no different between the five-days of working. But if they choose to stop working and enjoy their lives during the five-day rest, their income will no doubt decrease and if they go shopping during this five-day, the raise of their outcome will stretch the gap between the income and outcome. So, with the concerning of less payment, people will not fully enjoy their five-day's rest.

In sum, longer holidays will no doubt left people more time in enjoying their lives. However, the less efficient of working and the reducing of income will preventing people from enjoy their five-day's rest.