麻烦版主了，不知道有没有进步？

枕书UID：3288618

看到最近论坛上好多人都请版主估作文分，辛苦版主了！向版主致敬！

Topic: Fossil fuels are the main sources inmany countries, but in some countries the use of alternative sources of energy(such as hydro-electric power, wind power and solar energy is encouraged)
Is it positive or negative development?


Currently, how to cope with the energycrisis is an universal problem. To deal with this serious crisis, the use ofnew sources of energy is indeed needed.


Obviously, fossil fuels cannot always be utilizedto supply sufficient energy for human beings, because fossil fuels is limitedas experts’ researches suggest and sooner or later, they will be used up due topeople’s over exploitation. For example, it has been predicted that coal willbe used up within 50 years, as well as petrol. So, to achieve the sustainabledevelopment, alternative sources of energy are of key importance whenalternative sources such as solar energy or wind power will never be exhausted.Furthermore, taking alternative sources to consideration is a significantfactor to preserve our environment. Energy such as hydro-electric or solarenergy is more clean than fossil fuels, so that it can relief the burden of ourenvironment while fossil fuels pose a threat to our environment because theyrelease abundant carbon dioxide and result in global warming.


However, it is understandable to exploitfossil fuels at present. Our technology is not advanced enough to convert newresources to energy efficiently. So, new sources cannot cater our desire forenergy and they will slow our rate of economic growth. Nevertheless, it doesnot mean we should give up the transformation of our approach to produce energy.By contrast, we should spare no effort to make our new resources moreproductive, or energy problem will hinder people from development.


Overall, alternative sources will lead usto a brighter future in terms of environment and sustainable development. Seriouslyspeaking, humane cannot even make a progress in either science or economywithout the development of alternative sources under the pressing crisis ofenergy.

bqianaUID：193168

5.5-6

枕书UID：3288618

2# bqiana
版主，我已经在尽量避免用大词用模板，想把文章写得plain一点。
但是思路问题完全还是摸不着头脑啊，您之前建议我研究一下剑桥的范文，我看了一遍，我发现他们的思路都很灵活，很难在短时间内去模仿。
我的问题在哪里呢？自己的观点没有表达清楚？用词有很多不准确地道？
自己看问题真的不容易看出来，求版主给点实质意见啊，距离6.5的差距在哪里呢？
下周六一战啊。

bqianaUID：193168

去掉 我们 这类代词，你再试试

bqianaUID：193168

多用被动，少说些绝对的话，比如Seriouslyspeaking, humane cannot even make a progress in either science or economywithout the development of alternative sources under the pressing crisis ofenergy

灯光细眉了UID：3256699

词汇量还是蛮大的啊 应该还可以的吧

给你脸面UID：3263447

别骄傲了，楼主，继续努力下。

摇摆的不倒翁UID：3267868

知道了进步，楼主会很高兴的，是不是？:)