[i习作temp] issue208 改过简单错误后的有提纲求砖 [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2010-3-18 14:04:35 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

ISSUE 208

TOPIC:
“The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society’s ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people.”

OUTLINE:
Agree.
1. Judging a book by its cover is thought to be an unwise manner. But doing profiling by one’s look, dress and behavior is another story.

2. Society is a cluster of people and the interaction of those people.
People achieve self-worth and benefit from others in society.
The way people look, dress, and act is a reflection of self attitude and interest as well as effect of others.
The general manifestation of people can reveal a society’s idea and values.

3. Doing profiling is a professional work that even hard for experts in human behavior.
It costs vast of time and effort to make an accurate profile.
So, lacking of enough professional analysis, it is unwise to addict in slapdash judgment in daily life.
It is can’t be denied that first impression does work somehow.

TEXT：
Human behavior is the population of behaviors exhibited by human beings and influenced by culture, attitudes, emotions, values, ethics, authority, rapport, hypnosis, persuasion, coercion and genetics. It has been studies for decades. According to Humanism, each human has an unique behavior. For this sake, I agree that the way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. Furthermore, by observing the appearance and behavior of its people a society's ideas and values could also be told.

First impression is a typical application of human behavior analysis. We experience it and influence by it. Strong body shows an attitude of healthy life. A glass tells an inclination on books or computers. Keeping rubbing hand means kind of oddity. We do judge strangers through basic rules based on experience. But such quick judgment was sometimes thought to be like tommyrot or pseudo-science like “Judge a book by its cover”. Since every person’s life experience is limited that some causes behind a behavior may be ignored. Strong body could be a presentation of healthy life attitude, but could also be vocational needs. A glass could tell an inclination on books or computers, but could also cause by genetic deficiency. Keeping rubbing hand may also be complications of certain disease. However, judging a book by its cover is one thing, doing profiling under human behavior analysis is another story. Human behavior analysis extends on judging a person by its appearance. It makes use of many disciplines such as psychology, anthropology, sociology and etc. Human behavior analysis has scientific background and could be as accurate under given thread. Behavior Analysis Unit in FBI uses human behavior analysis to trace serial criminals and win a great success. If you ever watch the TV series 'criminal minds', you will have a sense how they doing profiling for serial criminals through rational reasoning. It is true that immature judgment in daily life cause incorrect bias, but rigorous reasoning in human behavior analysis does have broad application prospects.

Society is a cluster of people and the interaction of those people. People achieve self-worth and benefit from others in society. The way people look, dress, and act is a reflection of self attitude and interest as well as effect of others. Therefore, the general manifestation of people can reveal a society's idea and values. People from the same culture background share some specific habits. Those habits show the core ideas and values of the culture. Muslim women wearing big black scarves with only eyes can be seen shows their exclusion of male's flirting sight. Chinese respecting the old very much shows their gratitude to ancestors. German following strict rules shows their preciseness characteristics. Thus, studying its people's behavior helps a lot, when researching a society's ideas and values.

Therefore, we know the accuracy and scientific support of human behavior as well as the feasible proposal to judge a society by studying its people's behavior. But doing profiling is a professional work that even hard for experts in human behavior, which costs vast of time and effort. Behavior Analysis Unit in FBI has financial support. They also form a team working together to avoid personal bias. So, lacking of enough professional analysis, it is unwise to addict in slapdash judgment in daily life. However, it can't be denied that first impression does work somehow.

Issue, 改过, 求砖, 提纲

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shohoku11wrj
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沙发

发表于 2010-3-18 16:37:03 |只看该作者

1. 提纲里面 vast of我没有查到有这个用法
It is can’t be denied语法有问题

2.文章（用的审阅模式，比较乱，不好意思）建议：1)学会写长句，可以用连接词and,but；或者which, that 等从句 2)逻辑词的使用 at the first place ,secondly之类的
Humanbehavior is the population什么意思 of behaviors exhibitedby human beings and influenced by culture, attitudes, emotions, values, ethics,authority, rapport, hypnosis, persuasion, coercion and genetics这么多列举我不会选择使用. It has been studies for decades. According toHumanism人文主义？改称commonsense或许更好It is obvious that each human has..., each human has an unique behavior. For this sake,I agree that the way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes andinterests. Furthermore, by observing the appearance and behavior of its people, a generalsociety's ideas and values could also be profiled.

First of all, A typical application of humanbehavior analysis, “Impression”, influences people and being experienced by useveryday(可能改得不是很好，但是要说明一点的是不要过多地使用短句子).Strong body shows an attitude of healthy life; a glass tellsan inclination on books or computers;keeping rubbing hand means kind ofoddity.(这里用封号隔开就可以连成一长句) Wedo judge strangers through basic rules based on experience. But such cursory草率的judgment was sometimes thought
as tommyrot or pseudo-science like “Judge a bookby its cover”. Since every person’s life experience is limited that some causesbehind a behavior may be ignored. Strong body could be a presentation ofhealthy life attitude, either could be vocational needs; a glasscould tell an inclination on books or computers, but could also cause bygenetic deficiency; keeping rubbing hand may also be complications ofcertain disease. However, judging a book by its cover is one thing, doing profilingunder human behavior analysis is another affair. Humanbehavior analysis extends on judging a person by its appearance. It makes useof many disciplines such as psychology, anthropology, sociology, and etc. Humanbehavior analysis has scientific background and could be as accurate undergiven thread. Behavior Analysis Unit in FBI uses human behavior analysis totrace serial criminals and theseefforts have won a great success.If you ever watch the TV series 'criminal minds', you will have a sense howthey doing profiling for serial criminals through rational reasoning. It istrue that immature judgment in daily life cause incorrect bias, but rigorousreasoning in human behavior analysis does have broad application prospects.

前一段有first，这里也应该有一个逻辑词Society is a cluster of people and the interactionof those people. People achieve self-worth and benefit from others in society.The way people look, dress, and act is a reflection of self attitude andinterest as well as effect of others. Therefore, the general manifestation ofpeople can reveal a society's idea and values. People from the same culturebackground share some specific habits,which show the core ideas andvalues of the culture.For example, Muslim women wearing big black scarves with onlyeyes can be seen shows their exclusion of male's flirting sight. Chineserespecting the old very much shows their gratitude to
这个是祖先thesenior长辈. German following strict rules shows theirpreciseness and accuracy适当地用连词表达几个相同的概念 characteristics. Thus, studying its people'sbehavior helps a lot这里不要逗号when researching a society's ideas and values.

In conclusion或者别的总结词, we know the accurate and scientific support of human behavior as wellas the feasible proposal to judge a society by studying its people's behavior.But doing profiling is a professional work that even hard for experts in humanbehavior, which costs vast of time and effort, such as the fact that BehaviorAnalysis Unit in FBI has financial support, and they also form a team workingtogether to avoid personal bias. So, lacking of enough professional analysis,it is unwise to addict in slapdash judgment in daily life. However, it can't bedenied that first impression does work somehow.

PS:别看我改了这点，其实我写的可能比你还烂。有些建议还请自己斟酌，比如是否有必要更多地使用长句子(25单词以上才算)。

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