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[求助] 快考试了，一篇习作，求狠拍,求判分 [复制链接]

tc@dlut
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-2-10 19:36:22 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

题目 do you agree or disagree with the following statement
Haste makes waste
In my daily life, there are many occasions where most people are in a hurry to accomplish some tasks within a limited period of time. On theses situations, the hasty behavior may not solve the current problem. Meanwhile, it may bring about other unexpected outcomes, which amount to a sheer waste of time and efforts.
Consider a common situation where a man is hurriedly packing his luggage to catch a plane that is taking off in 2 hours. The airport is at least an hour’s ride from his present location and he is still looking for his scrappy documents. What’s worse, he keeps implying to himself that he is quiet likely to miss the flight. So he acts as fast as possible and succeeds in arriving at the airport half an hour earlier than initially expected. To his surprise, he has left his flight ticket at home and is denied to take the plane. What we see from the example? The man’s initial preparation is all a waste of time and efforts.
Another point that I would like to make is that haste sometimes may have a negative effect on people’s health. Let be supposed that student X is cramming for his coming exam. And he is quiet aware of the fact that the time left is not enough for him to intake all the material needed to prepare for the exam. So he works day and night just try to cover all the material. Since the need for rest has been ignored, he shows quiet low efficiency as well as accuracy in taking that exam. What conclusion can we draw?
Efforts have been taken but it doesn’t bring about expected outcome.
In short, I totally agree that haste makes waste. Haste is not a very wise choice when we response to certain problems, because we may finally ends up making fatal errors.

判分, 习作

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奔跑蜗牛
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沙发

发表于 2009-2-10 23:43:21 |只看该作者

今天有点晚了明天给发上来

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ibt9.12
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板凳

发表于 2009-2-11 08:57:36 |只看该作者

In my daily life, there are many occasions where most people are in a hurry to accomplish some tasks within a limited period of time. On theses situations, the hasty behavior may not solve the current problem. Meanwhile(我觉得这里用on the contrary比较好), it may bring about other unexpected outcomes, which amount to a sheer waste of time and efforts.

Consider a common situation where a man is hurriedly packing his luggage to catch a plane that is taking off in 2 hours. (这样用consider放在句首的祈使句有一种命令的语气不太好吧，倒不如不用consider,直接陈述)The airport is at least an hour’s ride from his present location and he is still looking for his scrappy documents. What’s worse, he keeps implying to himself that he is quiet quite likely to miss the flight. So he acts as fast as possible and succeeds in arriving at the airport half an hour earlier than initially expected. To his surprise, he has left his flight ticket at home and is denied to take the plane. What can we see from the example? The man’s initial preparation is all a waste of time and efforts.

Another point that I would like to make(make another point?是不是换成put forward或是announce比较好) is that haste sometimes may have a negative effect on people’s health. Let be supposed that student X is cramming for his coming exam. And he is quiet aware of the fact that the time left is not enough for him to intake all the material needed to prepare for the exam. So he works day and night just try to cover all the material. Since the need for rest has been ignored, he shows quiet low efficiency as well as accuracy in taking that exam. What conclusion can we draw? Efforts have been taken but it doesn’t bring about expected outcome.

In short, I totally agree that haste makes waste. Haste is not a very wise choice when we response to certain problems, because we may finally ends up making fatal errors.

语言：
lz很多表示程度的副词用的有问题，在句子中摆的位置还得好好看看，像quite,very;
有些意思本来很简单就能表达，lz的句子结构啊，修饰成分啊太复杂，没必要。

结构：
三段式。第一段最好能把下文讲的2个论点列出来；第二个论点和论证不搭，论证没有提到health

logic:
我和lz对这个题目的理解有点偏差，我觉得是
一味主观地求急图快，违背了客观规律，后果只能是欲速则不达
希望很快完成的事情，结果达不到目的，反而还因快得慢，造成waste
可以参考谚语More haste, less speed.

lz加油加油~

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tc@dlut
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地板

发表于 2009-2-11 11:46:02 |只看该作者

3# ibt9.12
谢谢高手指教，您提出的宝贵意见本人一定认真思考

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5楼

发表于 2009-2-11 12:12:35 |只看该作者

LSS已经批改的很好了，我再说明的一点是有些词语用得不是很好
In my daily life
这个就不是很好
论证主体最好能写出三点

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yeloluu
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6楼

发表于 2009-2-11 14:01:15 |只看该作者

我也觉得逻辑有点点问题，第二个观点的例子不太恰当哈~~可以这样写观点(参考哈~~)
观点：一味求快，反而会浪费时间。
1.一味求快，很可能忘记初衷，最终目的都没达到，造成浪费。
2.一味求快，中间的很多细节会忽略，造成效率低下，造成浪费。
暂时想到两种观点，具体例子稍稍想想就有了。
大家讨论讨论哈~~

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