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桂伯的修改
本帖最后由 mumolulu 于 2010-3-24 11:16 编辑
J同学: 桂伯木马帮你修改的如下:恕我直言:有很多句子的构架都是有点Chinglish的味道,所以我没有大面积的帮你修改 见谅!
另外建议:格式似乎在考试中比较重要,这里提醒 你的格式不是很清晰 段落有点太浑然天成了
I definitely agree with the statement that sports teaches us lessons about life. As an athlete for almost 3 years , sports have taught me a lot.( I learned so much during 3 years as an athlete from doing sports. 因为上一句读下来稍稍欠缺主语)Such as Show to value life,how to cooperate with each other , and so on and so forth.(To value my life and cowork that are fondamental to lead a way in my life .这是我个人理解的,感觉这么写下来舒服一点,仁者见仁吧 ) , Apart from energy ,sports ,such as long-distance running and ball game takes courage, confidence, patience, and so on .(这句话完全让我...可以这么写么?:there is not only energy it brings to me ,also courage and condidence by sports as jogging or ball game)Therefore, by doing sports, not only physically but also mentally I have trained (overall, From which health of physical and mental I've got)
这里建议新建一段:I am (the) a spiker (of) inour school volleyball team, so I have to (I'd better to 这样感觉就没有那么不情愿了) cooperate with (the rest menbers of ) the whole team in order to win the game(be the winner.我觉得这样比较有霸气吧). In sports, especially when we are in the game, I never quit till the last minute. (Risk at all by ourselves, never give up during the game)This is what sports teaches me ,to be a strong-minded person.(By the creed above I believed and stronger in sports)
新一段: Another thing I want to say is that ,sport help me show myself(炫耀自己应该不是你表达的本意To make myself more activity among the compitation, that's the second thing I got)as you know(as well acknowlage), outdoor sports require a lot of things ,such as the fair-paly,the spirit of sports, public relationships and so on. As the captain(还是用leader朴实点) of our team, I learned how to make our team as one(to be united as one), we outlet release our pressure by running or talking with each othercommunications. We also learn how to respect our playmates even if we are just paly for fun only..(To respect each other whether in a competition or just for fun )
The last but not the least thing I want to clear concerning is that life is sports(我…无语了…只能尽我微薄了……Life is on sports---可能最贴近你想要表达的生命在于运动吧,前面一大堆繁杂的想要表达心声的还是去掉吧). In sports we set our goals and(then in turn to )
make every effort to achieve them(by all efforts of ourselves) just as we usually do in our life. Even though we know there are a lot of difficulties in front of us ,but the inspiration of it will lead us to the victory.the sprit of sports tell you never give up untill you finally win victory.,
In conclusion , sports help shape our characters, by which I can overcoming all obstacles and made me learn more about life.sports make me a competitive person in the complex society. And ,the most importantly, sports let me know what is life.
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