《决战三月》组第二次作业

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第二次作业内容：Issue:130-1
Argument:15-8
提纲:154-126 ，104-100 ,112-37       作业下发时间2009.10.9
本次作业应在10月16号22：00前交到给你批改作业的G友E-mail里。希望全组成员按时完成作业。18号22：00前批改好后发回作者邮箱。
本次作业共有8人参加，2人请假。下面是组员饼干的作业情况：   批改人：亲爱的小雨
Issue: 130 "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society." <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Position: 作者的这两个观点都过于夸大和过于简单了。

1.
孩子的社会化程度是社会发展的决定性因素之一。

2.
社会的命运由多种因素共同决定，而不是这个单一因素。

3.
作者没有给出更好的社会的标准，还有我们已经学到了很多如何培养孩子，并不是没有，只是正在寻求关于培养孩子的最好途径而已。

The author’s assertion with regard to that how children are socialized determines the destiny of society and that humanity have not yet learned how to rear children so as to establish a better society are both overstated
and oversimplified.
（觉得这个开头有点单一了，只是否定了作者的观点，应该也在一定程度上赞成下作者的观点，The author’s twofold assertion , with regard to how children are socialized determines the destiny of society and humanity have not yet learned how to rear children so as to establish a better society ,has an element of truth .Nevertheless ,this very assertion is overstated and oversimplified on some level .）

Without a doubt, the degree of socialization of children(children’s socialization好像有灵名词的所有格是’s，无灵名词的才是** of **,是吧?) is definitely one of the decisive factors in determining the development of society. Socialization is the(a) process by which a human being(one，原来的好罗嗦觉得) beginning(begins) at(去掉) infancy , acquires(acquiring) the habits, beliefs, cultures, values , as well as accumulated knowledge of society through education and training, all of which pave the way for adult status and are in conformity with the values of one’s society belonged to【哇，这句读的我有点小费劲，意思有点小不清晰，我读的时候就是acquire的主语让我有点小茫然，开始以为是socialization的谓语。后来看见应该是和begins并列的吧？两个词的形式你用的还不一样。我的意见：Socialization is a process in which one begins at infancy ,serving as a role to help one to acquire the habits ,beliefs ,and values ,as well as accumulated knowledge of society ,all of which pave the way for one’s future status and are in conformity with the values of one’s society belonged to.】. To illustrate that, the process of learning interpersonal and interactional skills would benefit a lot in the near studying and employment, thereby learning to adjust to a working or studying team and behaving in an appropriate manner approved by the team(这个从句不完整啊，只有主语呢,而且我倾向用since加个从句解释上一句，因为你这个句子就是要illustrate，所以要解释原因，而不要得出结果，对吧？since one will fail to have a great state without a harmonious relationship ). Also, (the process of )girls learn(learning) how to be daughters, friends, wives, and mothers and so does(do) boys, (through) which one would learn to play the specific social role throughout their life span. And this, would, in turn, promote those society’s cultural features to carry on through new generations.  To the contrary, in some extreme cases, failure in socialization can lead to anti-social behaviors (，怎么看怎么觉得这里应该加个逗号吧)running the risk for the humanity and society as a whole.

Socialization, however, is only the tip of iceberg over the issue of what determine the destiny of society. By that I mean, what faces us-the destiny of society, is a whole complex of(involves) variety of elements existing in the world, not merely the well-socialized children who could boost the social progression all by themselves(socialization你写的好啰嗦哦). Just as the destiny of our own- homo sapiens, a vast number of social scientists have acknowledged that the fate rests not only upon the gene that one could not(去掉？) transform, but also the nurturing which moulds the characteristics, behaviors and identities, as well as some kind of opportunities and luck. To be specific(Furthermore 这里是说的“更具体”吗，我觉得是“此外、还有”的递进), natural environment and resources also affect the future of society. As the grievous pollution and devastating destruction human exert on the environment getting worse and those disastrous catastrophes happening frequently than ever before, consequently, it is possible that the next generation would confront with famine, wars in order to in possession of natural resources humanity rely on, a variety of ailments and so forth, let alone the development of society(呀呀，这句写的不像Issue的句子了，太像argument里的找错了，去掉吧). Hence, the future of human society is under the influence of countless complex aspects, therefore an assertion of a single factor would convict the world to a deterministic end would be oversimplified.

Also(Subsequently), as for the assertion that we have not learned how to raise children so as to bring about a better society, the author is too vague on the standard of “a better society” and a little bit pessimistic on nurturing children. No one would deny that human is progressing(have been progressing) all the time and our vision and desire, to large extent, is progressive (, 觉得应该有个逗号呢)followed behind the advancement of our society. In comparison to those ancestors by means of drilling woods to get fire, throughout these centuries the whole world has accelerated the advancement unprecedentedly, such as, high speed internet establish a global-scale network through which individuals would interact with each other no matter the race or nationality and share limitless information and thoughts.(Therefore) Our society is indeed a better society than ever before.(Besides) The real problem depends on what is the standard of the next better society . Furthermore, one could not doubt that lots of merits which were neglected before such as creativity, individuality and cooperation, are now widely accepted by parents, teachers and the whole society as factors that contribute to the future success of children and a better society. (In addition ,)Parents are reading(read) more books in order to understand the way how their kids think and behave.  High pressure in studying has been identified as a major threat to mental health of students(这去掉吧).  The above facts indicate that we already have learned a lot on raising children. Despite the fact that we can’t figure out the best way of teaching younger generation—whether there is such a way is still open to doubt—we are improving.

In conclusion, the socialization of children(children’s socialization) would not determine tomorrow's society alone(alone放在这里就是修饰tomorrow's society了吧？)【merely children’s socialization ability can not determine tomorrow's society】, and in fact no single factor would(can这里为了配合我改的那个句子) do. And as humans never failed to raise children to build a better society, and as we have met the best decades throughout the time, it's unnecessary to be skeptical for whether we're able to bring about a better tomorrow.



看完后最想说的就是：终于看完了

这篇文章的最主要的问题就是长句多了点，而且写得太模糊，不能清晰地表达出你的意思是什么，感觉你是努力在追求长难句，这个要改下，还是要精简一下！！还有also用的有点多了。而且有好多地方句子和句子之间都没有逻辑连接词，就直接堆上去了。有些句式是很好的，词语也都蛮好，整体的框架也是没有问题的。呵呵~下次努力！


    我们的作业，当然包括我自己的，要是能“绿肥红瘦”就好了，大家向这个目标努力吧！

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自己顶吧，我们组的组员们也该每人开个日志贴，多到寄托网来看看，这样做1、记录自己的杀G历程；2、浏览中可以汲取寄托的养分；3、看到这个群体有这么多的战友，自己不是孤军奋战，可以让自己有归属感；4、大家互相帮助，温暖呀。好处这么多嘢，该让组里的人像《草莓酱拌饭》组员那样，都来开个日志贴。

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dingding

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怎么没有战友顶呢 ？

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顶顶