iBT作文29分，每天改两篇作文回馈gter~申请正酣，活动暂停，请谅解！

amingsnowUID：2258254

16# wanting317

How do movies or television influence people's behavior? Usereasons and specific examples to support your answer。


7 B3 U$ C* z- Y# O! o9 n' T    Ever since TV and movies were invented, they have influencedpeople's behaviours all over the world. In my opinion, they have severaleffects as follows.
1 V( {. V. [6 q7 F0 f' ~* E3 @    First, movies teach people basic values. Those values likewhat is beauty and what is good being an important part of our harmoniousworld, it is essential that we learn and appreciate them. Movies here play asapproximate method in teaching people what these values should be. There aremany good films which intend to display a real world yet with an intention toconvey common values as what is beauty, good, true, etc. For example, <Foxand the Child>, which is nearly like a fairy tale, simply tells us how wecan live peacefully with nature and animals. Watching these movies hence bringthe viewers to think about nature and the world, as well as learn to appreciatebasic values；
    Second, children might receive bad signals from movies and TVs.Ever since HongKong movies spread over mainland China, discussions have neverceased to concern about its bad influence on children's behaviours. We all knowthat children intend to mock what they see when they have not developedindependent perspectives. Therefore, after watching those movies with teenagersbeating and kicking each other, which is common in HongKong movie series, theysimply start to follow them. Hence they drop out school and wander about instreets, then beat and kick each other without reasons；
    Apart from conveying good basic values and bad signals, moviesmay indeed reduce people's space while they claim to link people all over theworld together. Nowadays many people like watching movies and TVs andunconsciously reduce playing and going-out with others. Many students waitbefore TVs after homework and spend several hours alone with a talking TV. Manyadults also watch TVs and go out to movies several times, reducing reading andplaying with friends. Thus TVs and movies acturally reduce people's space to aseat before screens.
+ f, f3 ?3 w# i3 K: u   TVs and movies can be good and bad, so we have to weigh them beforeaddicted to watching.

整篇文章结构是我比较喜欢的，但有一个问题你要注意，你采取的观点是折中式的，即你说了电视的好和不好，但是你有没有发现，你并没有一个明确的观点。而且开头和结尾过短，给人的感觉是草草开头，又草草收尾，这又使得你的观点变得模糊。任何事物都有两面性，这是谁都知道的常识，那么你在论证以后，是否能得出一个自己的观点呢，是尽管有这些好的方面，但是仍然弊大于利，还是反过来？ETS作文评分里非常重要的一项就是观点，观点；哪怕你确实是这么想的，你就是觉得他有好有坏，你也不能冒这个险。。。独立写作考察的就是你的思辨性，千万不要写了300多字还没给人一个明确的观点。。。  
你的语法不错，行文中的例子也很得当。第二论证段有两个小问题，一是开头要用转折的连词，因为接下来你是要讨论负面效果，二是结尾收的有些急，建议加一总结句。

今天改了两篇作文，全是这个题目，不过你们在语言上的问题刚好相反。你的句子组织的不错，但是选词比较简单，如果时间还允许的话，建议你收集一些更漂亮的词，会使你的文章增色不少；另外注意词汇的变化，第三段reduce从开始出现到最后，能否在其中的几处换成另外的词，比如decrese，goes down，等等。附件中帮你改了几处，不过今天我的时间实在不多，不好意思哈！

shingokickUID：2715684

麻烦楼主了，，我是加你qq的那个。。


Topic 1：What are the advantages of living in a big city, including eating as one of the advantages?

Big cities ,such as Shanghai ,nowadays are playing a more and more crutial role in the development of the world .And since I had lived in Shanghai when I was eighteen for two years ,I think living in big cities have merits like more job opportunity ,geting close to fashion and convenient eating .



Living in a metropolis will no doubt offer you more job opportunity .As we all know ,the largest work force is always in the places where most companies exist .Meanwhile ,the majority of companies ,especially those worldwide cooporations ,are established in big cities .Take my uncle William for example ,he did not get any chance in Quanzhou when he graduated there;nevertheless ,he finally came back and even got a position in Microsoft Coorporation in Shanghai .Maybe other factors contributed to it ,I still strongly believe that living in a big city is the most significant one.



Another advantage is that we are also adjacent to fashion.Since shows and parties are often held in big cities,people tend to spend money on fashionable clothing or jewelry three times more than those who live in other cities according to a survey in the sina.com .As a result of this ,more shops start providing popular stuff and this make us get close to fashion ."Paris Fashion Week" or "London fashion week" are often seen in the newspaper ,however ,"Quanzhou Fashion Week" are never heard of .From my point of view ,this is because in big cities we are close to fashion.



The third major reason that can never be neglcted is convenient eating. Eating is to human what steel is to iron ,meantime the have a growing population in metropolises lead to the increasing number of restaurants .Therefore the citizen have many apporachs to eating .For instance ,around the community where I lived are five restaurants of different kinds :McDonald's ,Pizza Hut and so on .As far as I am concerned ,more restaurants are available to people in big cities and food from almost all the world can be tasted there .

More job opportunity ,geting close to fashion ,convenient eating are three dominating benefits for me while living in Shanghai ,and I consider them to be three contributions to development of Shanghai as well.

bobby008UID：2487342

十分感谢。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
NO.12 人们到一个新的地方，为什么首先喜欢参观当地的博物馆？

Lucky for me, I got 10 days vacation from my company last year, the very first thing that came to my mind was to travel to a city that I had never been. However, a problem also appeared in my travel plan: how to kill these days in a new place meaningfully? Wandering on the streets or visiting local shopping mall is absolutely a stupid choice. Finally, I looked up in the internet and found there are four different theme museums stand in the city. As a result, my travel was full of amazing anecdotes and surprises.

First of all, there are many different types of museums people can visit. Every one of which tells unique stories about the city or even the country. Among those, history museum is still my favorite. As we all know, history is a crucial heritage of humanity, it occurred in the past, it teaches the present. Only through learning history can we grasp how things change, only through learning history can we begin to comprehend the factors that cause change. History museum, in general, represents the development trace of a city, what the city had been suffered, how was it like of present people's life in this city. Many local customs are also perceived as remains of the city's history. Only if you greatly comprehended the background information of the city can you thoroughly understand the formation of present culture in the city.

Moreover, travels are sometimes only required to be filled with relaxation and amusement. If visiting history museum may not make your journey any joyful, art or any other interesting museums are definitely on the list of recommendation. I have once visited a phone museum which is not big but full of almost every kinds of phone in every step of its development, from the phone when it had been invented to the one we use today. It is extremely difficult to imagine the phone people used 50 years ago is as tall as my height. No one will realize how engaging a trip sailing in the ocean of phones in a time capsule feels, if not walking oneself in person into the museum. Museums contain countless fields of knowledge and realities including art, biology, archaeology, engineering, paleontology or even astronomy. Those real things you can see or even touch enable you experience an extraordinary travel that books or videos can never offer.

In conclusion, museum is the treasure that human preserved for benefiting offspring. Predecessors may make mistakes along their endeavor in the society, and also in nature. Even small stuffs like watch, phone, battery, and engine have their own progression traces which are seldom known by people. As the matter of fact, people nowadays, who are struggling for progression in the competitive circumstance, need predecessors' experience and lessons to guide and lighten their future road. Therefore, the museums are playing a significant role along the human development which is also the most important reason why they are so appealing to people.

wuqian0801UID：2637709

48# bobby008                     Para1:      the very first thing that came to my mind --> 是不是冗贅了? 直接改成:the first idea came to my mind
                 how to kill these days... --> Is it appropriate to use "kill"? 用enjoy是不是好些..好像kill這算是不太好的詞.. 我覺得
           local shopping mall---> local shopping malls  與前面的streets應該對應吧?
                absolutely a stupid choice---> 還是和第二個理由一樣.stupid也是不太合適用在作文裡頭的. Eg: undesirable/inappropriate 好像更好些
           As a result和前面的內容好像構不成因果關係... 應該換個連詞...
                amazing anecdotes --> amazing已經有讓人驚訝的成份在了,再用anecdotes是不是有些重複?
                Every one of which tells unique stories about the city or even the country.-->意思不太清晰,好像.
              grasp how things change--> 意思還是不太清晰..我沒明白
Para2:   If visiting history museum may not make your journey any joyful, art or any other interesting museums are definitely on the list of recommendation.-->這句話是想要表達?
             how engaging a trip--> engaging 後面要加個in吧    [engage in參加]..
             countless fields of knowledge --> 意思是不是多個領域的知識? 直接用很多知識就好了吧? EG: an overwhelming majority of knowledge
              Those real things you can see or even touch enable you experience an extraordinary travel that books or videos can never offer.'--> 我覺得這句挺好的,可是應該放段首,這樣作為一個分論點,然後再展開,就比較清晰了..
              benefiting offspring--> offsprings
Para3: need predecessors' experience and lessons--> experiences
            lighten their future road--> enlighten
            the museums are playing --> plays  用進行時好像不太好..
            
總體:
      1.文章段落不夠 中間展開論述應該要要有3段.. Firstly/Secondly/Finally...之類的
    2.總論點和分論點不太清楚.. 看到後來有些模糊了..<我個人感覺>
      3.語法和詞性的細節要注意..<我也非常常犯這個錯誤.有時候再回頭看,都覺得不可思議..可是當初就這麼寫出來了...>
      4.表達的時候有些冗贅 有些chinglish的感覺<這也是我個人感覺>
我水平也菜,但是希望能和大家一樣進步..所以就改了改,不知道是否合適,肯定有錯的地方,希望大家也能積極指出來...
加油!

cxyu841216UID：2653989

LZ，不好意思哈。你给我修改的作文的附件好像弄错了，是别人的作文哈。不是给我修改的。呵呵。可不可以重新把修改我的发一下呢。 45# amingsnow

wuqian0801UID：2637709

Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer

Presently, whether teachers assign homework to students every day triggered a heated controversy that a large number of persons concerned about. A group of people who reckon the fact that students should have homework and finish it every day. The opposed group, however, deem that it’s unnecessary for students to accomplish the homework their teachers assigned. As far as I was concerned, undoubtedly, I will choose the latter one. The reason why I am favor of the next option lies in enhancement of students’ ability of communication and consider of students’ fitness.

To begin with, as we all know, we live in a competitive society resulting in a consequence that more and more students pay more attentions on their study and lack of social skills. Why they focus much more on their learning? A factor we cannot ignore is that teachers assign homework to students every day which leads to students have inadequate time to communicate with others. Absolutely, I have to admit the importance of homework.  But if teachers can assign homework to their students 3 times a week or made a fit arrangement, that could be benefit for students’ improvement in communication. Students may have enough time to play with their friends, anticipate in a social party or even engage in some debate competitions.

Furthermore, take me for an example, when I was a high school student, I have an experience that I have fainted in an exam because an overwhelming majority of homework my teacher assigned daily, and I have finished them all night. So I have a bad condition. Let’s assume, if the homework assigned everyday, how can we have a strong body? If the homework assigned every day, they will gradually become a burden for students.

Finally, I need to list some benefits for teachers assigned homework everyday. Students will improve their grade through the intense trainings. For instance, mathematic is a subject which needs much training and that would help students to build a system to work out the task.

In a conclusion, Thoreau said, “Not by constraint or severity shall you have access to true wisdom, but by abandonment, and childlike mirthfulness. If you would know aught, be gay before it.” Even though the advantages are so many, the strict way of study well still isn’t the best method for students. If teachers can assigned for several times a week or lessen the homework than before, I’m sure that it will be a positive change for students. The two merits for teachers to reduce the homework are the development of communication skills and the increase of physical quality.

煩請LZ再次更正啊...

cxyu841216UID：2653989

Ls, 第二段 be benefit for 应该是be beneficial to...., benefit是动词。 LS第一，二段本人感觉还不错，但是三四段一直在说自己的例子，而且一直是“I” 开头，我上新东方时，老师说过最好不好举自己的例子，而且文章中最好不要有“I”，举自己例子没有大众说服性，而且一直“I”感觉文章太简单了。

wuqian0801UID：2637709

52# cxyu841216
謝謝~~
不過 你說的意思是後面的論證不充分么?  其實是 我想不來還能扯什麽例子或者寫什麽細節...

cxyu841216UID：2653989

恩，主要是个人的例子没有什么说服性。你可以说作业过多导致很多学生患了近视眼，压力大导致心理问题，然后可以编点数据来举例，反正这些数据也无人考证。主要是论据一定要充分具有说服力，论据支持论点。多举大众广泛的例子比较好 53# wuqian0801

wuqian0801UID：2637709

54# cxyu841216
哦... 謝了.. 這兩點確實比我那個好..

shingokickUID：2715684

Agree or disagree, in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.

21st century is an age when people are chasing to succeed. In order to succeed, a couple of people, especially some adolescents, are tending to be different. Advantages though being different from everyone have such as outstandingness, I am still in favor of being more like others for reasons that leadership and decision making are two factors corelate best with success.

Sometimes a person can succeed because of his or her outstandingness. Some people may raise a creative idea which make them shine and these people are usually different from others. Take my friend Joe who is a man of this kind for example, he once came up with a perfect solution about a case. With the perfect plan he finally got promoted. This is often seen in daily life, and my conclusion was Joe is a people different from others hence he would succeed.

Nevertheless, on the way to be successful, there are more benefits brough by being like others rather than being different from everyone. The first thing which plays a crucial part in being successful is leadership. As a leader, you no doubt need to be supported by your associates. If you like other people, the communication will of course be better and in this way you can gain their support. My uncle William, who works as a department manager in the Microsoft Corporation, owing his success to his personality that is like other people. Therefore, choosing to be like others will definitely give us a hand in wining leadership which is critical to success.

Another merit that can not be neglected when trying to succeed is decision making. Once you make a decision, it does have to be fully understood unless you want to make a mass. I believe that your decision is more acceptible when you are more identical to other partners. When I was a monitor of my class, I plan a trip from the view of most classmates and it was passed in seconds. Our society abounds with the examples like this, when it comes to making a decision, most people would choose to make one that are similar to others. Thereby, personal experience leads me to conclude that being like others will help you make a more satisfatory desicion and help you succeed.

Being different from everyone will make you outstanding in some occasions, however, being like others is always my choice since it offers advantages like leadership and decision making which are essential to success. Meanwhile, being like others does not mean that we can not be outstanding, we can achieve it by acquiring more experience or having better education.

wzbonjourUID：2556861

Nowadays, some people hold the opinion that young people enjoy life better than older people, but others have a negative attitude. As far as I am concerned, I strongly support this statement. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

  First and foremost, the popular culture has had a profound impact on young people. My brother Tom is just an excellent instance. He can simply spend all his salary on purchasing something desired (such as a luxurious meal, an advanced computer, etc), rather than something required. Compare to young people, older people are, generally speaking, conservative and conventional. They may keep deliberating for long before doing something risky. So thoughtful are they that a lot of fun and frolic of life is bereaved by their prudency and caution.

  In the second place, the vitality and vigor as an invaluable asset owned by young people presents them an excellent capacity of enjoying, last week my classmates and I climbed a dwarf mountain close to our school, while I was stepping on the top of the mountain, I suddenly recalled that my grandfather was also in favor of climbing when he was young. Today, he can only sprawl on a sofa and keep peering at television. With the advent of aging, his radius of activity has been confined in about 500 meters long from our house. The aging has relentlessly shattered his dream of "enjoying life".

  Last but not least, a tremendous responsibility toward family, which is a common beleif for the society as a whole, pressured on older people makes it difficult for them to enjoy life regardless of their family. As for young people, they seldom need to think about their responsibility toward their family, so they can simply enjoy life better.

  Taking all these factors into deliberation, we can smoothly draw the conclusion that young people enjoy life better than older people.




2006 02 03 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people enjoy life better than older people. Use reasons and specific examples to explain your opinion.

hdqkwrUID：2604043

我再发一篇，请楼主帮忙改下，不过貌似前面还有好多啊，辛苦楼主啦。我11月22号考试，不知道能不能改到我这里。另外，楼主的头像很好玩，哈哈

Do you agree the only effective way to encourage energy conservation is by increasing prices of gasoline and electricity?

With the rapid growth of the population, we press hard upon on energy. The relation between population and energy is already unfavorable and will probably become even more unfavorable in the future. To avoid energy shortage, we are in dire need of saving energy. One method that can help us conserve energy is increasing prices of gasoline and electricity. It is an effective way to save energy, however, it is not the only way to promote energy conservation.

Admittedly, people tend to use less energy if the costs of gasoline and electricity are higher. As the prices of gasoline and electricity go up, people will begin to consider whether they can still afford the expenses of gasoline and electricity. A portion of people will be likely to cut down expenditures on gasoline and electricity in order not to exceed their household budgets. These people may try not to use their cars so often, or they may decrease their use of the air-conditioner. So it is useful to save energy when prices of gasoline and electricity are raised.

Though increasing prices of gasoline and electricity is an effective measure to encourage energy conservation, we still have other effective ways to reduce energy consumption.

One of the methods is that we can develop new techniques to enhance the efficiency of utilizing energy. For example, we have invented energy-efficient compact fluorescent bulbs which consume only a fourth of the energy that ordinary incandescent bulbs consume. This is one of those remarkable techniques that can help us save energy. If we invest more money to research these kinds of techniques, we can invent more energy-efficient appliances and devices which are conducive to decreasing energy consumption substantially.

Another method that can help us cut down energy consumption is to develop public transportation system. Too many private cars running on our roads is also a handicap to energy conservation, while using public transportation is a more effective way to save energy. According to a survey in our city, if buses in our city are increased by twenty percent which will lead to thirty percent decreasing of private cars, thus five percent of energy consumed by transportation is saved. This just one of many examples that convinces us the effectiveness in saving energy is to develop our public transportation.

With the consciousness of the potential energy crisis, it is essential for us to use energy effectively. To fulfill the purpose, a variety of measures have been taken, apart from increasing prices of gasoline and electricity, new techniques and public transportation can also assist us in conserving energy.

yl020106UID：2679922

马上要考试了呢 还请指点呀~嘿嘿
When it comes to the most influential thing may change my hometown,some people insist on increasing the development of economy,while other might consider that improving the education level is the best idea.As far as I concern,recovering our environment can change our town the most significantly.With the advance of science and technology,the environment in my hometown is getting worse and worse.I think it is urgent to improve our environment

The direct benefit we can draw from it is the increase of our living standard.This in turn can benfit our health.Imagine a dirty,smelly and noisy community.The sky is covered by smoke.The cars are roaring down the road.With an terrible living condition like this,how can we build up a strong body and maintain an happy mood.Even you are a millionaire,I don’t think you can live a happy life.So it is impossible for us to have a happy life if we do not have our environment improved because we cannot trade a harmony surrounding for anything.

From the angle of economy in our town,improving our environment is the most beneficial change too because tourism is always the prime income of our town.However,the development of industry in our town is at the cost of environment,the surrounding condition is getting down,because these chemical factories release air pollution and waste water.These years I can rarely hear birds singing in the morning,and I have not seen fish chasing each other in the river for years.If we ignore the decreasing of our environment and let it continue this way.I am afraid we may lose our tourists finally.

Another essential reason is that a nice surrounding is a promise to more investment.Nowadays more and more businessmen aware the importance of environment,with the increase of awareness of the importance of the environment.So they prefer to choose a clean and quiet place to build their company.Therefore their employees will have a comfortable living quality and focus on their job completely.Because ccording to a recent statistics on the Internet,more than 80 percent employees value the living surrounding more than their salary.

From the discussions above,we can easily draw the conclusion.Only by improving our environment can we achieve the best.We should take measures to guide the direction of the developmet and prevent all kinds of improper use of technology.So I want to say,better environment better life.

amingsnowUID：2258254

50# cxyu841216

咦我刚看了一遍就是这篇啊，跟我在回帖里的是一篇文章，你是不是下错了？