iBT作文29分，每天改两篇作文回馈gter~申请正酣，活动暂停，请谅解！

HYPS2011UID：2618437

谢谢  amingsnow(美梦)

wuqian0801UID：2637709

烦劳楼主今天看看我的.. 最近写的几篇总觉得问题很大.. 论证的时候总是感觉离题了.. 还有好多细节都模糊的,有些词不太敢用,怕用错了,而小词有用得不灵活.. 怎么办呢?
Some movies are serious, designed to make the audience think. Other movies are designed primarily to amuse and entertain. Which type of movie do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

With the dramatic development of our society, a substantial amount of recreations emerged in our daily life. Undoubtedly, it’s beneficial to us reasoned that many people who works all day long really need to have a break. Therefore, people have numerous choices to relax, such as meet friends in a restaurant, chat with friends online or watch a movies altogether and so forth. However, giving me a chance to choose the way to relief, I will see a film alone or with my friends and the type of the film is comedy or funny. Considering the strength of being an excellent physical condition and the promotion of communicating well, my preference is the films which can make me laugh.

Firstly, no one can deny the fact that the amused movies are contributed to reducing our stresses.  Take me as an example, when I drag my body to get into my bedroom, I fairly desire to watch movie, the interesting one which can let me laugh loudly, to have a short rest. Because of the amusement, I can laugh loudly and happily that would prompt me get rid of tired and being energetic. Meanwhile, through watching the exciting movies, could we forget the uncomfortable time and the dissatisfactory things. Pressures will be released then not only can we keep a healthy body, but also can we plunge into our study or work vigorously in the next day.

Secondly, nowadays, social skills are a crucial competence to every individual. Nevertheless, some persons cannot find a fit way to make new friends or associate with others. Here is a favorable advice for those confused people. Seeing some films which are designed to entertain or amuse should stimulate them certain inspirations when they were communicating with others. At the same time, they would gain some senses of humor that it’s helpful for them to have a friendship.

However, we shouldn’t overlook the influences of the films like documentary, etc. These movies are aimed to let audiences think deeply. And the films which are included the contents about how important should we absorb the lessons from our forefathers and how essential should we have a better development for our offspring.

In sum, though still large numbers of persons’ favorite film style is serious, I‘d like to prefer the exciting one. The movies that are funny and humorous can really make us breath a fresh air and release our strains. Furthermore, the movies that are interesting and amusing can really help us win a chance to obtain a new friendship.

cxyu841216UID：2653989

LZ, 我是75楼的,前天就贴上作文了,你还没帮我看呢,呵呵.谢谢了,我马上要考了,所以比较急,不好意思啊 77# amingsnow

amingsnowUID：2258254

88# jiang08

多谢斑竹大人鼓励，呵呵：）

amingsnowUID：2258254

74# max.j

Should students be required to take classes in many subjects or to specialize in one subject?

What is more important for youngsters in modern society, broad knowledge or specific skills? Along the development of human, most evolution is done by ingenious people who dominant in some specific fields. For instance, Bill Gates, a precursor in Software industry, becomes one of the most influential men on this planet base on his outstanding skills related to computer science. So I adhere to a belief that it is better to specialize in a specific subject.


Human-individual; development和evolution的位置互换；based on his outstanding computer skills;
adhere to的用法有点奇怪，我没见过这样的用法，不知道是不是有老师教过，我觉得I hold a strong belief更好些：）

这个开头非常不明智，因为从along一句开始基本上中心关系不大。为什么不把例子放在论证段呢？along一句应该作为一个分论点，这里只需要概括这个论点即可，不需要举例子。我认为这样的结构比较好：哪个更重要呢，是1还是2呢？答案当然是2，因为其一XXX其二XXX其三XXX所以我坚持认为2更重要。而且在最后一句，最好不要用it做指代，应该明明白白的点题。

Firstly, the continuing development of modern technology requires specialists in growing number who can use specific knowledge to address complex problems.The remarkable progress of human is not only brings tremendous convenience for people, but also urges people to handle some deleterious problems. For example, automobile is one of the greatest innovations created by human, making people's daily life more efficient and comfortable. However, nowadays people invariably complain the environmental issues caused by numerous cars, especially in big cities. Accordingly, reducing the negative impact imposed by cars is an unshirkable obligation for human. Fortunately, there are more and more cars which equipped clear energy systems, such as solar energy, biological energy, which avoid polluting environment. All these kinds of technology are extraordinarily required numerous specialists to involve in, including how to design energy systems which can instead of traditional fuel energy systems, and how to improving the power of biological engines, etc. On no account can we ignore that specialists play a key role in human's development, without whom human would probably slow down the pace of evolution. Consequently, young people should keep their focus on some specific subjects, and spare no efforts to achieve knowledge which serves as a cornerstone for tomorrow.


specific knowledge to address --- professional knowledge to handle; remarkable一句删掉，对论点完全没有贡献；For example到avoid polluting environment这整个一段太罗嗦，说的是不错，但关键是没有中心联系上。你要记住，你举的例子是要服务论点的，你必须把例子和论点联系上，而且不要罗嗦。比如你要说汽车，那么什么伟大发明一句完全用不到，因为接下来你要谈污染，那么在这个过程中专业人才到底发挥了什么样的作用呢？太阳能汽车需要哪些人才，这些人才需要有什么技能？生物能源汽车需要哪些人才，这些人才需要有什么技能？如果像你这样行文，no account can we ignore一句半点都没有提到例子，感觉整个段落是脱节的，或者你的例子是生搬硬套的。最最关键的问题是，说了半天你这一段只有最后一句说到keep their focus on some specific subjects，还不是谈到class，只是泛泛的说到应该focus。中心啊，中心啊，千万不要偏题啊~！！！！！

Secondly, on account of the relentless competition in modern society, focusing on limited subjects can enhance students’ job opportunities in the future job markets. It is indisputable that students will obtain an insightful understanding and superior knowledge, the essential qualities that famous companies look for, when they devote to a specific subject. So those students who receive specific-oriented education can invariably keep the edge of the strong competitive in job markets. Let’s draw a representative case for instance. JP Morgan, the most famous and leading investment bank in Finance industry, is always inclined to recruit the students who have outstanding background in some given subjects, such as accounting. Interestingly, vast amounts students whose majors are finance fail to take the opportunity to become the part of JP Morgan. The reason for this phenomenon is that investment banks prefer their employees have impressive skills to handle some specific complicated tasks, such as evaluating some companies’ financial ratios which requires sophisticated skills on financial reporting analysis. Therefore, hardly can those students be competent for these kinds of work, because they just learn broad subjects, such as investing management, derivatives market, fixed income and so forth, instead of acquiring a strong training of just few subjects. Consequently, we have to admit that specializing in a specific subject serves as a cornerstone of students’ future career.

job markets去掉；when they devote to a specific subject放在句首或indisputable that后面；specific-oriented 这个说法不好；competitive --- competition；the students --- students；become the part of JP Morgan --- join JP Morgan; amounts --- amounts of;

这段的结构比上一段就要好很多，论点也清晰多了。例子有一个问题，就是对于一个非finance的读者来说，你的例子说的很模糊。其实读者关心的问题只有一个，accounting和financial专业学生的比较。你说了accounting的被录用，而financial没有，他们的差别在哪里？当然是accounting的更加professional一点，但是你从The reason一句后就全是用those students, they来指代，到底指代的是谁呢？这篇文章你很喜欢用代词，不知道你平时写作是不是这样。注意，代词一定要非常清楚指代关系，不然会让读者看不懂你的文章，不知道你到底在说什么。

From what has been discussed above, specializing in specific subjects is definitely a wisdom choice in that it is not only can fulfill the development of human, but also can empower students to pursue their splendid future.

specializing in specific subjects出现次数太多；

concentrating on a selected subject in class is definitely a wise choice not only in that it fulfills the requirement of individual development, but enables students to pursue their splendid future goals as well.

总体看来，语法错误过多，我仅指出了一部分，要是细究起来问题更多；你的文风给我的感觉是，文章中心如果是原点，你的论证完全在围绕原点画圈圈，就是没有直接点到原点上。有些观点要明白无误的说出来，不要把意思隐含在字里行间，rater时间就那么点，怎么会去细细品味你的语言，一旦他在第一时间内不明白你在说什么，你的作文会被立刻拉下一个档次。希望你还要多加练习，主要练习紧紧围绕论点写文章。

amingsnowUID：2258254

75# cxyu841216


Intelligent friend is more important than humorous friend
  There is a famous adage: individual characters determine his/her fate, that is, emotional quotient is more essential to determine whether individual obtains achievement or not than intelligence. Humor is one of indispensable qualities, which not only benefits people to entertain others, but also helps themselves make more friends. Therefore, making a humorous friend, especially as a close friend, is a fortunate and delightful thing.

Adage --- saying；
开头可以举名言，但是你对他的解读偏离中心。EQ与humor是什么关系没有明确说明，这就让一二句的衔接不流畅。另外题目问的是哪个更重要，你在最后一句表明观点的时候就应该说，哪个更重要，而不是说，与幽默的人交朋友怎样怎样。就好像我问你，土豆好吃还是白菜好吃，你说土豆吃起来很健康。明白了么？



  Humorous friend enables people to be happy, especially when they feel downhearted or disappointed. Nowadays, most people face intense competition and disturbing problems in works or life so that they have to bear huge pressures and are always depressed. As a result, more and more people get diverse psychological diseases which disturb people’s normal life even induce serious problems, such as suicide, avenging other innocent persons and so on. Asking psychologists for treating is one method, but maybe psychologists have limited time to be consulted and little understanding to patients’ comprehensive characters so that the treatment is not more efficient. However, if individual close friend possesses humorous quality, he will give more efficient helps to you. Because he knows you exhaustively and has abundant time to comfort and accompany with you. Moreover, no matter what you confide to your friend, he will speak lots of jokes to entertain you, consequencely, you can’t help laughing owing to his comedic talent and forget other dejected things.

Bear-endure; as a result和asking一句完全可以删掉，对中心没有帮助。Nowadays一句已经完全可以表明现代人的压抑来自什么，接下来立刻就开始谈幽默朋友的作用，否则你就开始绕圈了。删掉这两句整段的论证会显得更加紧凑。这样moreover一句你也可以继续展开来谈。最好在结尾再加一个总结句，因为毕竟你谈了两方面，有个总结句会令中心更为突出。

Humorous friend also changes individual character even if he always possesses introrse quality from his childhood. However, most characters come from postnatal cultivation, which are influenced by different enviroments and people. In fact, introrse quality is not beneficial to communicate with others, oppositely, most people are inclinated to cooperate and contact with humorous and active persons. Therefore, humorous individual are easier to acquire more opportunities and approvals. Having such a friend can urge introrse person to modify their drawbacks, because people who immerse in a humorous atmosphere for a long time will be effected by surroundings day by day. Besides, according to some authoritative investigations, most people are glad to make humorous friends rather than intelligent friends. Since they consider more intelligent friends are more guileful so that they are afraid of being deceived. Nevertheless, humorous friends convey safe sensation and affinity to others.

这一段的中心也不够突出，整个段落的结构应该重新组织。你的中心是，幽默的朋友可以改变一个人的性格。那么就不要在中心句说什么童年的内向。你可以把第一句改为，幽默的朋友可以使一个人由内向转变的外向，从而帮助一个人与别人的沟通和交流。接下来，however一句去掉，而应该说，为什么幽默的朋友可以使一个人由内向转变的外向（most people are inclinated to cooperate and contact with humorous and active persons. Therefore, humorous individual are easier to acquire more opportunities and approvals. Having such a friend can urge introrse person to modify their drawbacks, because people who immerse in a humorous atmosphere for a long time will be effected by surroundings day by day），而这样的转变最终会令这个人怎样提高沟通能力。而不是像你现在的布局一样，东一句西一句。此外最后一个besides的内容，应该单独起一段，作为反面论证，而不是凑在这一段。


  In a word, humor is a special learning, which needs studying and cultivation. Learing from comedic friends is the best method, of course, we not merely study from them, but adjust own mental attitude under pressures. Humor enables person to become young and optimistic, so all of us should advocate to have humous mental attitude and make humous crowds.

humor is a special learning？？？

希望我指出的内容不会给你太大的打击，不过你的结尾，既没有结合题目，也没有总结全文。整篇文章，你谈了两点，第一，幽默的朋友能够带给我们快乐；第二，幽默的朋友能够改变人们的性格。而结尾你却在说，总之，幽默是一个需要学习和培养的过程，向幽默的朋友学习是最好的方法，我们不仅学习他们而且还调整own mental attitude under pressures。你已经把文章以及题目的意思完全偏离了，至于后面的幽默让人们变得健康，乐观，偏的就更远了。你要记住，结尾的作用只有一个，再次突出你的观点。你不用在上文论证的基础上再来个深化意义，完全不用，你只要总结全文+再次表明观点即可，千万不要像写高考作文一样，还要阐述一下对现实生活的意义，这样只会让rater一头雾水。

你的作文问题还是挺大的，建议你可以读一下我上一篇改的作文，和你的问题几乎一样。实战的时候一定一定要紧紧结合题目来写，一定一定要有一个确定的中心，紧紧围绕中心来写，恨不得每段跟rater强调一遍，我的观点是这样的！

max.jUID：2288839

95# amingsnow


非常感谢你的评价！

wanting317UID：2713310

46# amingsnow
Thanks so much for your advice~
Lacking big or fancy words indeed attribute to my laziness in memorizing vocabulary
OK, I'll study hard to pass the TOEFL
Many thanks~

agileeagleUID：2436593

TOPICS: many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students?Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
In my opinion, daily homework is not necessary for students. Most task would lead bad affection to the study. Learning is self-control process. Everyone who are curious to their lesson, He(or She) would studies for themselves. Teachers' job is to make their lesson more interesting, not to assign more homework to the students.
Firstly, study is a pretty easy job. Most students think the study is the tenious job, and they are forced to finish their homework. Sometimes,the homework is too difficult, or , sometimes, homework is too enormous. And students would copy their job to finish their task , while they are not willing to finish. As a result, the homework would not lead the better effect, however, go contrary with the first pupose. The students would like to study their interested subject. Students are not willing to repeat the boring task with the goal of getting high marks The professor says, "The interst is the best teachers." This hints that if the students have no interested in their subjects, homework would make no sense.
Therefore, teachers' job is not to assign homework impuling their students to work hard in order to get nice marks. Their major assginment is to stimulate their students to love the subject. And the students would like to pay more attention on their subject.In my high school, physics is a difficulty subject to most of us. My physicst teacher, a humor man, made the subject more interesting. He always told some appealing stories about the great physics scentists, like Albert Enstein, and so on , instead  of teacher boring and complicated concept of physics basic concept. Hence, we are more interested in the physics story, and want to know more about the basic essence of the world.Most of the time , we did the homework volunteered.
However, no homework is not a wise decision for teachers. Because, homework is necessary for reviewing the concept and the lesson. Some homework will push students who did not well in the subject to find their problem , and they would catch up with other students. Moreover, homework is good for students who did not completely absorb the nutrion of knowledge, proper homework is like catalyism for learning.
In a word, suitable homework would affect the students more optimusly, I would like recommend the teachers should put more their energy to stimulate the interest of the students rather than assign more homework daily. So , I do not agree with the daily homework is necessary for students.
21号考试，处女篇，请多给意见，谢谢。

yangqianleiUID：2587096

老大。也帮我改改吧，我下星期就考试了，急需请教啊！！
非常感谢了！！
Spending leisure time in working or being with family?
It is no doubt that both family and career play a crucial role in our lives as we cannot live without family as well as a job. Nowadays, there is a raising debate on whether we should spend spare time with family or working. Many people prefer focusing on work as they hold view point that the harder you work, the more money you make. On the contrary, although believe working hard may has a lots of benefits, it cannot compare the happiness brought by spending time with family.

Admittedly, working in spare time indeed gives rise to many great chances. One of the best is that it provides more promotion opportunities. By working in spare time, we can finish the designate tasks more quickly and more efficiently than others, since others seldom spend their time on their work, we can totally take the advantage of this. As to promotion, the boss always like to choose the most hard working guys as they are more likely to earn more potential profits for the company. In this way, if you spend your spare time in working, you are more likely to get promotion. With a satisfied income, you will never worry about how to save money to buy a beautiful but expensive dress.

However, when you enjoy the pleasure of promotion or buying an expensive dress, have you ever think about the happiness you get when you spend your time with your family? As a matter of fact, the pleasure of spending time with family weights much more than a promotion or money. When you are in trouble, family is always the first to come to help you; when you are suffering from the stress of work, family is always the one who comforts your soul and help you relief the pressure; when you feel frustrated, family always stands behind your back, holds your hand and tells you to hold on. In a sense, family members help us deal with numerous kinds of mental and physical problems we came across, which cannot be easily got over by just working hard.

Another important advantage of spending spare time with family is that it keeps our relationship in harmony. This can be best illustrated in the example of watching TV with family, by watching television with my parents, it can not only help me relax and relief the pressure from work and study, but also can develop our relationship. I always share my opinions and ideas about the programs with my parents, and my parents are very delighted when we are talking together. In this way I feel happy even though I do not make so much money. Because I am satisfied as long as my family members are happy which cannot be achieved by promotion or a decent salary.

As the old saying goes:”life is too short to take it for granted”, if we spend all the spare time doing the tedious job, even though we have earned a lots of money, we still do not know the true meaning of life and happiness. Therefore, the joy we get when we spending time with the people who you love most weights much more than the pleasure that from a merely a promotion.

amingsnowUID：2258254

92# wuqian0801

烦劳楼主今天看看我的.. 最近写的几篇总觉得问题很大.. 论证的时候总是感觉离题了.. 还有好多细节都模糊的,有些词不太敢用,怕用错了,而小词有用得不灵活.. 怎么办呢?
Some movies are serious, designed to make the audience think. Other movies are designed primarily to amuse and entertain. Which type of movie do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. 4 ?2 P& u/ x& r( \% K5 q! r1 |- R

With the dramatic development of our society, a substantial amount of recreations emerged in our daily life. Undoubtedly, it’s beneficial to us reasoned that many people who works all day long really need to have a break. Therefore, people have numerous choices to relax, such as meet friends in a restaurant, chat with friends online or watch a movies altogether and so forth. However, giving me a chance to choose the way to relief, I will see a film alone or with my friends and the type of the film is comedy or funny. Considering the strength of being an excellent physical condition and the promotion of communicating well, my preference is the films which can make me laugh.

第一段就开始偏题。题目问的是电影，你从with开始直到第三行才开始出现movie这个字眼。。。undoubtedly一句完全应该删掉。我认为这样的结构好一些：with。。。。，a substantial。。。，among which movie is the most important one. Although people have numerous choices to relax, funny电影有这样这样这样的好处。所以，giving me a chance to choose the way to relief，I will definitely see a comedy or funny film. 大致意思是这样的，语句你可以自己斟酌。这样你既点明了题目，又表明了自己的观点。

Firstly, no one can deny the fact that the amused movies are contributed to reducing our stresses.  Take me as an example, when I drag my body to get into my bedroom, I fairly desire to watch movie, the interesting one which can let me laugh loudly, to have a short rest. Because of the amusement, I can laugh loudly and happily that would prompt me get rid of tired and being energetic. Meanwhile, through watching the exciting movies, could we forget the uncomfortable time and the dissatisfactory things. Pressures will be released then not only can we keep a healthy body, but also can we plunge into our study or work vigorously in the next day.

fairly desire?? --- desire; meanwhile一句你是想写强调句么？用only through;

这一段没有偏题，论点很明确，但是论证的不是很好。example不够具体，说说你看过的funny电影，你在看的时候产生了怎样的反应，这最终如何让你摆脱了压力。比如，你可以说你喜欢看pixar的动画片，看着wall.e的时候你把自己想象成了小机器人，追着心爱的姑娘满宇宙跑，忘掉了现实的烦恼，等等。这样的例子才够生动，给人最直接的印象。本段结尾应该再加一个总结句，再次突出中心。
( w  T1 O: w5 [" c$ D; `
Secondly, nowadays, social skills are a crucial competence to every individual. Nevertheless, some persons cannot find a fit way to make new friends or associate with others. Here is a favorable advice for those confused people. Seeing some films which are designed to entertain or amuse should stimulate them certain inspirations when they were communicating with others. At the same time, they would gain some senses of humor that it’s helpful for them to have a friendship.

开头句观点不明确，你应该明明白白的说，看funny电影有助于帮助人们improve social skills such as communicating skills.而不是像你现在写的，讲social skill对人们如何重要。一定要记住，你在写电影，一定要让电影出现在你每一段的开头句和结尾句中，这样哪怕你论证的不那么好，至少让rater知道你的观点很鲜明，观点，观点！！！！nevertheless下面两句也有这样的问题。你在第二句应该是对第一个中心局的进一步论述，比如电影是如何帮助人们improve的，比如人们看电影的时候会记住很多笑话，这让他在社交场合很容易开始和一个陌生人的谈话。你甚至可以说你曾经遇到过一个人，就是用电影里的话来当开场白和你搭讪blabla。。。这样的论述逻辑性才更强，也令观点更有力。

However, we shouldn’t overlook the influences of the films like documentary, etc. These movies are aimed to let audiences think deeply. And the films which are included the contents about how important should we absorb the lessons from our forefathers and how essential should we have a better development for our offspring.

let---lead; 这一段反面论证，记住要在后面说一说他的局限性，加上一句，但是，和funny movie比起来，严肃电影blabla。。。这样让你的文章更紧凑，观点再一次突出。

In sum, though still large numbers of persons’ favorite film style is serious, I‘d like to prefer the exciting one. The movies that are funny and humorous can really make us breath a fresh air and release our strains. Furthermore, the movies that are interesting and amusing can really help us win a chance to obtain a new friendship.

In sum, movies with full of fun and humor do bring fresh air and make us relaxed, as well as enhance the opportunity of gaining a new friend. Therefore, although a large number of people adore movies of serious topic, I would like to stick to the amusing ones as my favourite.

注意观察我改后结尾段的顺序。先总结全文，然后再一次强调论点。这样的结构会在整篇文章的最后再一次给读者一个深刻的印象。建议你可以读一下我昨天改过的两篇文章，他们也有中心不突出，论证颠三倒四的问题，希望对你有帮助，呵呵。

zzjiezzUID：2436116

麻烦帮我改下吧，我这个周日就考了，
in order to get well-informed, people should have different source of news. Do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays, people can get news from all kinds of sources, like newspaper, television, internet, all those can provide important information for us. Nevertheless, one want to be well informed, one should get news from different sources he can.

Firstly, I always believe that more sources we have, more information we can get. News from single sources is not enough for us to get well informed. I have an example can exemplify this. My uncle lives in rural areas that are far away from city. Last year he came to my home to spend the spring festival; he was so surprised that my mother got a promotion, which happened about half a year ago. He was astonished because he seldom calls my mother. If we could connect more frequently during a year, he could know the news about our family.

Secondly, the news we get from one source usually can not cover the truth about the whole thing. Anyway, the editor and author are human being, they will have their personal feeling about certain news, for example, the news from newspaper, could not show the every details for their audiences. Thus, it is important for us to have variety of information sources. I remember my best friend told me a story about her own experience. She once saw a video through the Internet, the girl in it was hitting another girl, and people surrounded did not help the other girl until the police came. My friend didn’t understand why the other people surrounded did not help and she felt sad about that girl. Until she had a chance to watch television, she saw the other face of the story. The girl was being hit was a rubber. Then, she understood why those people didn’t help.

As we discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that people can be well informed if they have more sources of information. This can help them to get news in the first time and understand the truth of a story.

amingsnowUID：2258254

100# agileeagle

TOPICS: many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students?Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
In my opinion, daily homework is not necessary for students. Most task would lead bad affection to the study. Learning is self-control process. Everyone who are curious to their lesson, He(or She) would studies for themselves. Teachers' job is to make their lesson more interesting, not to assign more homework to the students.

2,3,4句可以合为一个长句。简单语法错误较多，我就不给你改了。。。

Firstly, study is a pretty easy job. Most students think the study is the tenious job, and they are forced to finish their homework. Sometimes,the homework is too difficult, or , sometimes, homework is too enormous. And students would copy their job to finish their task , while they are not willing to finish. As a result, the homework would not lead the better effect, however, go contrary with the first pupose. The students would like to study their interested subject. Students are not willing to repeat the boring task with the goal of getting high marks The professor says, "The interst is the best teachers." This hints that if the students have no interested in their subjects, homework would make no sense.

第一句作为中心局非常不恰当，完全没有提到作业，应该说，家庭作业给学生的学习带来了负面的作用。接下来的论述条理不够清晰，感觉就是东一锤子西一棒子，想到哪写到哪。希望你在动笔之前在头脑中先形成一个大致的提纲，不然整个论证段的结构就没了，无法形成有力的论证。比如，中心句是，家庭作业给学生带来了负面的作用。这些负面作用包括，XXX，XX。之所以会造成这样的结果，是因为XXX，XXX。另一方面，如果没有作业，那么学生们会学的更好，因为XXX，XXX。所以，重复中心句。这样论证才够完整有力。

Therefore, teachers' job is not to assign homework impuling their students to work hard in order to get nice marks. Their major assginment is to stimulate their students to love the subject. And the students would like to pay more attention on their subject.In my high school, physics is a difficulty subject to most of us. My physicst teacher, a humor man, made the subject more interesting. He always told some appealing stories about the great physics scentists, like Albert Enstein, and so on , instead  of teacher boring and complicated concept of physics basic concept. Hence, we are more interested in the physics story, and want to know more about the basic essence of the world.Most of the time , we did the homework volunteered.


这一段严重偏题，题目要讨论的是老师该不该留作业，你讨论的是teacher‘s job，与作业失去了联系。

However, no homework is not a wise decision for teachers. Because, homework is necessary for reviewing the concept and the lesson. Some homework will push students who did not well in the subject to find their problem , and they would catch up with other students. Moreover, homework is good for students who did not completely absorb the nutrion of knowledge, proper homework is like catalyism for learning.

反面论证过长。详见我最后的评论。
In a word, suitable homework would affect the students more optimusly, I would like recommend the teachers should put more their energy to stimulate the interest of the students rather than assign more homework daily. So , I do not agree with the daily homework is necessary for students.

再一次的, I would like recommend the teachers should put more their energy to stimulate the interest of the students，开始讨论老师的job。题目问的是作业，你的文章却有一大部分在谈老师的工作，我只能遗憾的告诉你，你的写作是无法拿高分的。一定要注意，要紧扣题目来写，要让题目的关键词成为你整篇文章的中心词，最好每句话都围绕中心来写，不管是论证还是例子。还记得上中学的时候语文老师是怎么强调不要跑题的么，把当年的方法用上吧，跑题是最要命的问题。建议你看看我昨天和今天改的几篇文章，你们的问题是一样的，希望对你有所启发。

viv2005UID：2642620

求楼主帮我改下，十五天后就考了
从来没有人帮我改过作文，自己也不知道自己的作文到底是怎么个水平。希望楼主能通过这篇文章看看我的薄弱环节在哪里，应该怎么努力，不甚感激啊
68. Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.  



Many teachers hold the opinion that daily homework is necessary while most student against it.As far as I am concerned, teacher should assign homework to their students every day.

The first reason is the homework is the best way for students to review the knowledge learned in the class. Though we went school everyday, we can not do our review in our class. Therefore there is a need for students to repick their textbook in their spare time. However, most of the people , especially the students become laze when they come back home. They feel like to do nothing except surfing internet or watching TV. Experts tell us people tend to forget if they receive some imformation just once.So teacher must think of ways to encourge their student to review what they learned  in the day class.And the homework proved to be the best one.

Another advantage of daily homework is that teacher can get feedback about the teaching by reviseing homework. Although teachers always try their best to teach their students, the students may not understand it well. By assigning home work and revising it, teachers may easily find out what is  the student knows and what they don't know.Obviously these will help teacher to molish their teaching mothods.

Daliy homework can beneifit both teachers and students only if it not excess.Teacher should know after a daliy school class what the student need is to relaxe which will definitely help them to study will in the next day's clss.What's more, students should have time to develope their own interest such as playing piano, dancing, swimming. A student focouing on textbook all day is never be a good student.

In sum, it is necessary for teacher to assign homework to their student to help them review what they learned in school.Meanwhile,the homework should not became a bugdent to most student. Also it is good when it can encourge students to thinking about what they learned. That not easy for teachers to do such work.But once they can use homework effectively they will find teaching is more easily.



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