iBT作文29分，每天改两篇作文回馈gter~申请正酣，活动暂停，请谅解！

amingsnowUID：2258254

71# wuqian0801

不好意思，跟帖的作文太多，我得按顺序来改 ：（

amingsnowUID：2258254

75# cxyu841216

之前似乎给你改过一篇吧？这几天跟帖的作文比较多，我明天或者后天再改你这一篇吧~~

amingsnowUID：2258254

24# xf@ibt

哎呀真对不起，我刚发现你是今天考试，早点给你改好了，对不起对不起~！在这里祝福你能取得满意的成绩哈~~

amingsnowUID：2258254

30# movenna

1.学校应该花时间教general subject还是special subject
The impact that education has had on our history and society in general, is undeniable. It seems to become even greater as popularization of compulsory education continues to grow, providing more and more people opportunities of being educated. Thus, education plays a more and more primary but important role for every of us in our daily life. However when it comes to whether schools should take time on teaching general subjects or special subjects, the notions of people vary from one to another.

2，3句建议修改一下合成一句话，more and more出现两次，在文章开头应该尽量避免这样的现象。The notions of people看上去怪怪的，你可以说opinion, interpretation, 甚至不用加of people. 不过整个第一段没有你自己的观点，会让文章显得论点不清晰。

( g) X, I: |6 sWell, as I am concerned, both the general subjects and special subjects show the beneficial merits to people. General subject, such as fundamental mathematics, foreign language, and classical literature, is an essential and indispensable section of education. It can open one’s sight and broaden his horizons, aimed to help us knowing our world and nature better. While the importance and advantage of special subject is also apparent. People would find their jobs and develop their career by using the special skills that they have gained from the special subject, for example, biological engineering, IT, or management.

开头的well去掉，写作不是口语，尽量不要让你的文风显得太随便。虽然美国人可能会这样写，但是这是基于人家是母语的基础上。Beneficial 和merits重复，去掉一个。Horizon用的不好。Knowing应该改为understanding。While—meanwhile.

这段给人的感觉是没说完。例子是要为中心服务，你把最后一个例子放在那，什么都不说，使这段的意思非常不完整，建议你加一个总结句在后面。

So, in my opinion, it depends on the purpose of education and the age of people that schools should choose to teach general subject or special subject. For children or teenagers, general subject is more important for them as they should learn wide knowledge about our planet, out nature, out society, and our universe. On the contrary, for undergraduates and adults, it’s better to study special subject deeply in one area, and therefore they can make a suitable and sufficient preparation for the successful jobs or lives in the future.

这一段的语言问题不多。在读第一遍的时候我觉得整段立意也ok，不过第二遍读的时候我产生了一个疑问，我自己也不确定，我们可以讨论一下：题目是学校应该教general 还是special的课程，那么这个主体就应该是学校，但是在这一段里，你论证的是不同年龄的人们怎么样，主体变成了人。是不是应该更多的提及一些学校呢，比如，在讲孩子那一段，讲完了应该加上，所以，小学和中学要提供general的课，后面的部分同理。是不是这样才是紧扣题目来论证，你觉得呢？

0 ~0 `- E+ j& q5 ]: w7 p6 f; LFrom what has been discussed above, I am fully convinced that not only general subject but also special subject is good to the development of people’s career and the requirement of people’s life. Schools should make the right decision about what subjects to be taught, in accord with the real situation. No matter how the choice is, schools, a place full of information, should never fail to provide as much knowledge as people want.

No matter how---no matter what.

结尾段结合通篇来看，你的论点都不够清晰。我个人是比较倾向于在这种二选一的题目中，明明白白的选择一个观点来论证，一来可以论证的更加充分，二来可以使自己的观点很清晰。我没有尝试过选择你这样的思路，我觉得风险更大一些，呵呵，不知道坛子里有没有同学在实战时用过这样的结构写文章，不知道给分情况如何，如果有这方面的信息也请提供给我。就你这篇文章，我认为既然你选择了从两个方面来说，并且你的观点是，学校教什么课取决于实际情况，那么你一定要充分论证你的观点，多举一些例子，而不是像现在这样，仅用了一小段来谈。甚至，你整个第二段都可以省掉，而变成一个分论点，为什么学校教什么课取决于实际情况。可以想两到三个原因来，每个一段，分开来谈；比如，人们在选择不同的学校时目的不同；比如学校的资金，资源等等，总之越具体越好。写着写着突然想到，其实这样的话使你自己很被动，因为你要考虑的情况要多很多，所以我还是建议你选择一方面来谈比较好，呵呵：）可以选择那种两正一反的结构，多少也照顾到另外的方面，但是还是要突出你本来的论点。

lilishangyang87UID：2677978

Some people prefer to finish a project completely before starting another.Others  prefer to do two or several projects at the same time.Which way would you prefer?


    Nowadays,people are constantly faced with various option when they want to accomplish a series of work.Some people prefer to finish a project completely before starting another while the others would rather to do several projects simultaneously.The questions have be raised"Between two methods,which is the better?"I believe the former is a superior choice and the reasons are as follow.
        First of all,the people can concentrate their attention if they finish a project completely before starting another.To be specific,when people are absorbed in one project or certain details,they will spare no effort to accomplish it.Beyond doubt,they will finish the work effectively and efficiently.In contrast,divided attention do harm to the working and worker.For example,a student want to design two or three papers but there is no relation between them.So his logic will be affected by other papers,in result,he will not finish any papers with flying colors.Certainly,it is not result we expect.
        Secondly,the people will have a sense of accomplishment after finishing the first work nicely.Just imagine what the sort of influence after people be praised for the first work.Their confidence will be boosted by the success,thus they will believe they have the competence to finish the following projects with the same success.As we see,it is the very the first accomplishment give them motivation and burning desire to finish other project.So the method have the profound meaning as we discussed above.
        Last but not least,concentration accord with the tendency and job demands in the modern society.Most companies hope their employee have a professional skill rather than competence of finishing several works in the same time.Even if the company will give a employee several works to finish,what they hope is that the employee can  make the sequence of priority clear,accordingly they can accomplish the projects one by one.Such employee is the competitive man because he can make the long-term programme.
        In conclusion,I prefer the people finish a project completely before starting another project.As we discussed above,we can see clearly the concentration is beneficial to the people-no matter what kind of project or work they end up doing.Thus,I suggest people should develop a habit of undivided attention,which will  benefit for all your life.

zhengping001UID：2689322

美梦，very good，:):)

bauer13UID：2724376

楼主 我11.22就要考了 可否看看我的文章 盼你有如旱苗盼春雨  

我写的....比较烂 所以....

  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People buy things not because they need them, but because others buy them.

   Nowadays, shopping has becoming an integral part of our life. However, shopping has given rise to significant controversy among people. The question has been raised, “What is the real motivation of shopping? Is it because they need them or because others buy them?” I believe it can’t be attributed to any single factor. Some people buy things because they need them. And some people buy things because others buy them.

   On the one hand, people buy things because they need them on most conditions. When we feel very hungry, we can go the McDonald’s to buy a hamburger and a cup of coffee. When we get hurt, we can buy Band-Aids to prevent infection and accelerate the healing of the wounds. We will buy a sunscreen with the appropriate SPF when we are exposed to sunshine. We will go to the IKEA to buy a bookshelf when we need to store our books.

   On the other hand, it is not unheard of that some people buy things without need of them, but just because other people buy them. For some of them, buying the same food, books or toys as friends’ can provide the opportunity to spend more quality time with their friends. And for some of them, it may almost become a competition to see who can have the best or the most expensive of something. A recent survey can back to this point. The survey, conducted by the Chinese Marketing Research Facility, after polling thousands of people from all walks of our society, has found a great part of respondents, especially teenagers, claimed that they spend their money buying things that they don’t really need because they saw their friends and even strangers buy them.

   In conclusion, it is impossible to determine what the real motivation of shopping. Some people buy things because they need while some people because others buy them. And some people buy things because the combination of both. To say that either of them is the real motivation of shopping seems to be an overstatement. Thus, it is advisable to say that both of them play integral parts in the motivation of shopping.

shingokickUID：2715684

driver should pay a fee for driving in the busy city streets during the daytime?

The busy traffic is often seen in metropolis streets especially those main roads. People often have such experiences that they were hurry to work or study while the traffic is so crowded that they were late as a result. Hence some people raise an issue that major avenues should be broadened. Nevertheless, most people are in favor of a new principle that driving in busy city street during the daytime should be charged for reason that it would definitely offer more convenience and better public transportation.

The first factor accountable for the new idea was that it would be convenient for most citizens. Once the fee is required, the number of vehicles in busy roads will of course decrease. With the dropping of automobiles, especially private cars, the transportation will undoubtedly be better and it is beneficial to most citizens including most office workers and students. Imagine one day we do not need to waste our time in the crowded streets and we can go to work or study on time. How wonderful it is! Also less vehicles will create a better environment where we live. Therefore from my personal experience I make a conclusion that the fee is needed indeed in order to give us more convenience.

Another indispensable contribution that can not be neglected is that the fresh rule will surely supply us with better public transportation. Public transportation is to a city what veins to human body; so a better public transportation needs money like human needs food. Where does the money come from? The new rule is one of the resources. Sometimes we may complain about the few buses near our communities or the awful road conditions. With the fee this kind of situation will no longer be that worse. The city where I live, Quanzhou, is not such a prosperous city. However, the government reserve no money to improve our public transportation which consists of buses and road construction, and in this way we do not have to worry about that we may not catch a bus because there will be another soon. To sum up, the fee will play a critical role in the public transportation.

Notwithstanding, some may claim that this principle is not welcomed because there are other methods, such as broaden the main streets, to solve the problem. But others certainly come up with an opposite view since the road reconstruction also need a large amount of money as well, which is also from most drivers. In this case, choosing not to pay a fee may not be so persuasive.

Though not paying a fee in need for driving, particularly when most people are going to work or study, in crowded roads seems like a good option, I still assert that the fee will bring more merits like more convenience and better public transportation. Sometimes when the problem is so serious, why not try something new?

wuqian0801UID：2637709

82# bauer13
LS 是不是明確一下自己的观点?  说两个都好 好像不是很对rater胃口...
我觉得确定给一个然后论证 比较好点..

HYPS2011UID：2618437

楼主看下我的！好急 我是34楼 感激你啊

amingsnowUID：2258254

34# HYPS2011

11.9Grades encourage students to learn 08,2 16
感谢楼主啊
How to judge students' performance and give award is a prevalent topic undergoing serious debate currently. Someone advocate that grades inspire students to learn that should be considered as the criteria to award students. After pondering several aspects, I totally disagree with such statement and the conspicuous reasons and instances go as follows.

Give—granting; serious --- constant; advocate --- advocates; someone一句意思不清晰；after --- while; pondering --- considering; such --- such a

For one thing, too much emphasize on grades can bring some untoward outcomes. It is quite common that students cheat on exams, behave   dishonesty to gain teacher's recognition, and even fight between classmates. All of those unhealthy actions are resulted from taking too much attention on grades. Examples as such are numerous. Every final exam my roommates are used to preparing some notes to cheat. And even worse, some students usually receive envious view and isolation from others because of the high scores. The seemingly accurate method to award students, actually is harmful for their future development. Therefore, sometimes overextended the importance of grades is counterproductive.

Untoward --- unfortunate/undesired; recognition --- attention; fight between --- fight with; taking --- paying; every final exam --- during every final exam; isolation --- isolated; award --- distinguish; overextended --- overextending

这一段的例子举得不错，但是问题出在第二句。你的分论点是过分注重成绩会带来负面影响，那么你就要证明it一句中的负面行为是由过分强调成绩造成的，尽管在第三句你说明这些是由。。。造成的，但是希望你能进一步解释一下，为什么会造成这样的现象，是因为同学间的竞争？因为家长的期望？等等。

Furthermore, if students are driven to achieve high grades at school, probably they may ignore the practical experience learning. Under the grades motivation, most students are inclined to study the academic books and pay little sense on the society. In order to get high scores on exams, they usually study day and night. Lack of communication with reality those high-grade students are hard to adapt to job market. A case in point is that Jerry, a friend of mine, owns excellent performance on his college curriculums, but he did not attend any campus activities and practical learning groups during the four years life. And when he came to the interview to apply for a position on economics, the manager directly refused him and said we need an employee to handle practical problems  not a high-score person. In short, it is not wise to give prize according the grades.

practical experience learning?? Are inclined --- incline; books --- knowledge; sense --- attention; lack --- lacking; it is hard for those high-grade students…; life去掉；on economics?; Said that they needed;/ Y! ~( Z+ x! b8 m8 f not --- but not;

二三句可以合为一句，现在这样显得罗嗦。整段的论证比较清晰，但是注意在段落结尾，你是想借manager的口说出你的观点吧，那么最好在high-score person后面再加上with little practical experience等等类似的话，强调他尽管分数很高但是能力比较低。

we have to admit that grades is feasible that can easily be regarded as the achievement of students and has been acting successfully as the judgement for years. However, such teaching system shows highly contradiction with modern education that will die out gradually .

grades is feasible? --- grades is a good aspect being regarded as the standard of students’ performance and have been putting into practise successfully for years. Teaching --- grading.

这一段你是想说明什么呢？是说分数早晚会被淘汰么？是时间不够才说了这么少么？建议你，可以与结尾段合为一段，不然放在这里很突兀，单独一段，但是连论证都没展开就结束了。。。另外最后一句很有问题，按你这样的说法，是modern education will die out gradually.你在组织长句的时候有一个普遍的问题是，在长句的后半部分，往往就偷换主语了，实战的时候要注意啊~！~！

In brief, after the forgoing discussion, though considerable benefits of evaluating students' on grades it can not compete with its potential drawbacks. Thus I am convincing that school should not take the grades to give award for students。

Forgoing --- previous;

In brief, from the previous discussion, although evaluating students on grades could bring considerable benefits, it can not compete with the potential drawbacks. Thus I am convincing that schools should never award students by taking only grades into account.

我把你整个最后一段重新写了一遍，你可以感觉一下，长句是怎么组织的。就像我前面说的，把倒数两段整合到一起，前面两个论证段再论述的充分点，你的文章力度才够，呵呵。祝你考试成功！

amingsnowUID：2258254

82# bauer13

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People buy things not because they need them, but because others buy them.

   Nowadays, shopping has becoming an integral part of our life. However, shopping has given rise to significant controversy among people. The question has been raised, “What is the real motivation of shopping? Is it because they need them or because others buy them?” I believe it can’t be attributed to any single factor. Some people buy things because they need them. And some people buy things because others buy them.

On the one hand, people buy things because they need them on most conditions. When we feel very hungry, we can go the McDonald’s to buy a hamburger and a cup of coffee. When we get hurt, we can buy Band-Aids to prevent infection and accelerate the healing of the wounds. We will buy a sunscreen with the appropriate SPF when we are exposed to sunshine. We will go to the IKEA to buy a bookshelf when we need to store our books.

On one hand; go the McDonald’s --- go to McDonald’s; the IKEA --- IKEA;

这段例子不少，但是缺乏论证部分。注意，我一再强调例子的重要性，但你还是要谈谈，这些例子说明了什么，而不能一味的列举例子出来。特别是，本文你选择的结构是两面都谈，那么就不要让文章失重，至少两方面的篇幅应该差不多吧。。。

   On the other hand, it is not unheard of that some people buy things without need of them, but just because other people buy them. For some of them, buying the same food, books or toys as friends’ can provide the opportunity to spend more quality time with their friends. And for some of them, it may almost become a competition to see who can have the best or the most expensive of something. A recent survey can back to this point. The survey, conducted by the Chinese Marketing Research Facility, after polling thousands of people from all walks of our society, has found a great part of respondents, especially teenagers, claimed that they spend their money buying things that they don’t really need because they saw their friends and even strangers buy them.

without need of them --- without need; as friends’ --- as friends do; expensive of something --- expensive one;

For some of them, buying the same food, books or toys as friends’ can provide the opportunity to spend more quality time with their friends. 这一句看着很奇怪，什么叫more quality time? 另外调查的后面，我认为应该再加上一句总结的话，这样论证才完整。这一段有一个小问题，你只集中在很多人买东西是因为别人买，而没有说明，这些东西是他们完全不需要的。比如你提到了competition,那么哪怕加上一两个词，说明这些competition中，买的东西都是没有用的，这样也能使论证更全面。

   In conclusion, it is impossible to determine what the real motivation of shopping. Some people buy things because they need while some people because others buy them. And some people buy things because the combination of both. To say that either of them is the real motivation of shopping seems to be an overstatement. Thus, it is advisable to say that both of them play integral parts in the motivation of shopping.

Some people buy things because they need while some people because others buy them.
--- Some people buy things because they need them; while others just follow the trend.
你看看这样是不是让句子意思更顺畅些？你的语言有一个问题，就是长句的组织非常不清晰，就是很chinglish的感觉；这个，因为你马上就要考试了，短时间内我也不知道该怎么提高。。。只能说，希望你尽量提高用英语思维的能力吧，不要用中文的语法去组织文章。

jiang08UID：2391146

精华啦
LZ很用心 谢谢:)

bauer13UID：2724376

明白了～～ 我会努力的 谢谢LZ 嘻嘻

liwuyuanaUID：2726789

楼主请帮我改改！！！下个月5号二战。
括弧里的是word帮我改正了的错别字，保留原错别字是让楼主了解我错别字的数量

题目是谈一项你觉得很重要的科技发明

When talking about important technological innovations, many people would think of airplane, telephone or automobile. Of course these innovations bring our lives enormous conviniences(conveniences). However, from my point of view, the invention of the internet may be the most important technological innovation that we have ever made.

With the help of the internet, we have the access to the latest information and newly publiced(published) books. During my university time, when my professors assigned some homework to me, the first thing I would do is to find some background information about the assignment from the internet. Also, when I want to read some papers to gain knowledge about some subjects, I can log in the electrical IEEE data base or SCI data base from my PC, instead of going to the library which is far away from my dormitory. What's more, there are always so many books available on the internet that I could read. I can save both time and money by reading them on the internet.

Internet also helps us keeping in contact with our friends and making new friends. When I left my hometown and go to my university, I had to leave all my friends and family all at once. Obviously it is miserable to me. What's worse, long-distance telephone calls are quite expensive. But thanks to the internet, I can keep in contact with my friends and family with E-mails and internet-phone which are all free. Internet also helps me to make new friends. When I was preparing for the TOEFL exam, I made plenty friends on the internet who are also going to take the exam. We shared our experience and information about how to prepare for the exam. We formed a MSN group to help us improve our writing skill by sharing our writings. Never can I get so much valuable information on preparing for the TOEFL exam without internet.

Another significant change the internet brings us is the way we broadcast news. Before the invention of the internet, when we have to put off some news, it is money consuming and its effect is limited. But things are different today, we can publish the news on our facebook or twitter, then almost all of our friends know it. I still remember that last month, when I lost my wallet in our dinning hall, I published that news immediately. Just two days later, a schoolmate contacted with me on the internet, and he turns out to be the one who picked my wallet. At that time, I feel the power of internet is almost beyond my imagination.

The internet also facilitate(facilitates) our lives in many other aspects. When we are planning a travel, when we are considering which film to watch, we can turn to the internet for help. In conclusion, I think the internet is the most valuable innovation we have ever made.
四百七十余字