1006G[redemption]备考贴 by SasakiKojiro 吾之剑乃邪道

SasakiKojiroUID: 2678315

不多说 仅此一月

我的小组作业贴将贴在下方 方面整理 望各位见谅啊 哈哈~
第一次作业 请见此贴5楼
第二次作业 issue 11  https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1054635-1-1.html
               issue 28 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1054704-1-1.html
第三次作业 issue 212 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1055038-1-1.html
第五次作业 issue 170 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1055693-1-1.html
第七次作业 Argument 150 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1057032-1-1.html
               issue 70 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1057035-1-1.html
               issue 221 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1057039-1-1.html
第八次作业 Argument 7  https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1057853-1-1.html
第十次作业  Argument 140 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1058602-1-1.html
                 issue 56    https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1058788-1-1.html






小组修改：liuxinglly/飞雪无痕   https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1054090&page=1#pid1773544064
             after17   https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1054069&page=2#pid1773555799
        fayafay   https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1054293&page=1#pid1773555837
先从intro开始：

Sample Issue Topic
“In our time, specialists of all kinds are highly overrated. We need more generalists—people who can
provide broad perspectives."

Essay Responses and Reader Commentary
Essay Response * – Score 6

In this era of rapid social and technological change leading to increasing life complexity and
psychological displacement, both positive and negative effects among persons in Western society call for a
balance in which there are both specialists and generalists.（此处开头简洁，上来就说题目中的关键词specialists和generalists，为下段分说两者埋下伏笔。这里作者并未像模版中一开始就说：Although I am in favor of the author...However,...一上来便感觉吃了个苍蝇 而并不是本人反对模板- - ）

Specialists are necessary in order to allow society as a whole to properly and usefully assimilate
the masses of new information and knowledge that have come out of research and have been widely
disseminated through mass global media. As the head of Pharmacology at my university once said (and I
paraphrase):"I can only research what I do because there are so many who have come before me to whom I
can turn for basic knowledge. It is only because of each of the narrowly focussed individuals at each step
that a full and true understanding of the complexities of life can be had. Each person can only hold enough
knowledge to add one small rung to the ladder, but together we can climb to the moon." This illustrates the
point that our societies level of knowledge and technology is at a stage in which there simply must be
specialists in order for our society to take advantage of the information available to us.（第一句说明specialists的作用，接着为首句引用例子：他教授的话，而末句再次说明：刚才我用的那个例子便可以证明specialists are necessary...）

Simply put, without specialists, our society would find itself bogged down in the Sargasso sea of
information overload. While it was fine for early physicists to learn and understand the few laws and ideas that existed during their times, now, no one individual can possibly digest and assimilate all of the
knowledge in any given area.（此段也是紧跟上段，从反面说without specialists将会带来的后果，又一次说明了specialists的重要性）

On the other hand, Over specialization means narrow foci in which people can lose the larger
picture.No one can hope to understand the human body by only inspecting one's own toe-nails. What we
learn from a narrow focus may be internally logically coherent but may be irrelevant or fallacious within
the framework of a broader perspective. Further, if we inspect only our toe-nails, we may conclude that the
whole body is hard and white. Useful conclusions and thus perhaps useful inventions must come by sharing
among specialists. Simply throwing out various discovieries means we have a pile of useless discoveries, it
is only when one can make with them a mosaic that we can see that they may form a picture.（作者话锋一转，回到specialists and generalists，说太过于专注某事的缺点，同时也肯定了全才的作用）

Not only may over-specialization be dangerous in terms of the truth, purity and cohesion of
knowledge, but it can also serve to drown moral or universall issues. Generalists and only generalists can
see a broad enough picture to realize and introduce to the world the problems of the environment. With
specialization, each person focusses on their research and their goals. Thus, industrialization, expansion,
and new technologies are driven ahead. Meanwhile no individual can see the wholisitc view of our global
existence in which true advancement may mean stifling individual specialists for the greater good of all.
Finally, over-specialization in a people's daily lives and jobs has meant personal and psychological
compartmentalization. People are forced into pigeon holes early in life (at least by university) and must
conciously attempt to consume external forms of stimuli and information in order not to be lost in their
small and isolated universe. （进一步肯定全才）

Not only does this make for narrowly focussed and generally pooprly-educated
individuals, but it guarantees a sense of loss of community, often followed by a feeling of psychological
displacement and personal dissatisfaction.Without generalists, society becomes inward-looking and eventually inefficient. Without a society
that recongnizes the impotance of braod-mindedness and fora for sharing generalities, individuals become
isolated. Thus, while our form of society necessitates specialists, generalists are equally important.
Specialists drive us forward in a series of thrusts while generalists make sure we are still on the jousting
field and know what the stakes are.（得出结论：专才和全才都很重要）

全文分6段，开头由both positive and negative effects 映射到 specalists and generlists ，便可看出作者将会分别写到两者的优缺点，而不是一味的肯定一者，而否定另一者，这显得全文更有见地，中间specalists和generalists各占两段，也刚好对应了开头，几乎每个论证段都由 提出论点+引用例子作为论据+例子的结论 组成，而且，文章各段字数基本相差不大，在句型方面，也是长中带短，举出的例子贴近于生活，显得更具有说服力。
最后，说实话，有些看不懂 - - :L

SasakiKojiroUID: 2678315

然后我们看看5分范文：

Essay Response – Score 5

Specialists are not overrated today. More generalists may be needed, but not to overshadow the specialists. Generalists can provide a great deal of information on many topics of interest with a broad range of ideas. People who look at the overall view of things can help with some of the large problems our society faces today. But specialists are necessary to gain a better understanding of more in depth methods to solve problems or fixing things.（同样，也是分别说到了specialists 和 generalists，首先是肯定一方，然后，接着说到了另一方能做到的前者力所不及之地）

One good example of why specialists are not overrated is in the medical field. （直接举例）Doctors are necessary for people to live healthy lives. When a person is sick, he may go to a general practitioner to find out the cause of his problems. Usually, this kind of "generalized" doctor can help most ailments with simple and effective treatments. Sometimes, though, a sickness may go beyond a family doctor's knowledge or the prescribed treatments don't work the way they should. When a sickness progresses or becomes diagnosed as a disease that requires more care than a family doctor can provide, he may be referred to a specialist. For instance, a person with constant breathing problems that require hospitalization may be suggested to visit an asthma specialist. Since a family doctor has a great deal of knowledge of medicine, he can decide
when his methods are not effective and the patient needs to see someone who knows more about the specific problem; someone who knows how it begins, progresses, and specified treatments. This is an excellent example of how a generalied person may not be equipped enough to handle something as well as a specialized one can.

Another example of a specialist who is needed instead of a generalist involves teaching. In grammar school, children learn all the basic principles of reading, writing, and arithematic. But as children get older and progress in school, they gain a better understanding of the language and mathematical processes. As the years in school increase, they need to learn more and more specifics and details about various subjects. They start out by learning basic math concepts such as addition, subtraction, division, and multiplication. A few years later, they are ready to begin algebraic concepts, geometry, and calculus. They are also ready to learn more advanced vocabulary, the principles of how all life is composed and how it functions. One teacher or professor can not provide as much in depth discussion on all of these topics as well as one who has learned the specifics and studied mainly to know everything that is currently known about one of these subjects. Generalized teachers are required to begin molding students at a very early age so they can get ready for the future ahead of them in gaining more facts about the basic subjects and finding out new facts on the old ones.（在这两段中，几乎全是说的专才，而对全才只是一带而过，而需要注意的是，此处作者并未完全否定全才，而是认为专才作用更大，同时也还是肯定了全才在某方面的作用）

These are only two examples of why specialists are not highly overrated and more generalists are not necessary to the point of overshadowing them. Generalists are needed to give the public a broadunderstanding of some things. But , specialists are important to help maintain the status, health, and safety of our society. Specialists are very necessary.（全文的观点由此可见）

通读全文，感觉句式的变化不如之前的6分文章，所用的词藻质量也比6分文较低，字数比之前稍少，可见GRE并未要求issue的写作字数，简洁的文笔，清晰的观点也能获得一个不错的分数~

SasakiKojiroUID: 2678315

Sample Argument Topic

Hospital statistics regarding people who go to the emergency room after roller skating accidents indicate
the need for more protective equipment. Within this group of people, 75 percent of those who had
accidents in streets or parking lots were not wearing any protective clothing (helmets, knee pads, etc.) or
any light-reflecting material (clip-on lights, glow-in-the-dark wrist pads, etc.). Clearly, these statistics
indicate that by investing in high-quality protective gear and reflective equipment, roller skaters will greatly
reduce their risk of being severely injured in an accident.

Essay Response * – Score 6
The notion that protective gear reduces the injuries suffered in accidents seems at first glance to be an obvious conclusion.（可借鉴此处用于模板） After all, it is the intent of these products to either provent accidents from occuring in the first place or to reduce the injuries suffered by the wearer should an accident occur. However, the conclusion that investing in high quality protective gear greatly reduces the risk of being severely injured in an accident may mask other (and potentially more significant) causes of injuries and may inspire people to over invest financially and psychologically in protective gear.（在这里作者并未直接说出原文的结论是错误的，而是从多个方面考虑，说原文的结论可能引起的更多的问题）

First of all, as mentioned in the argument, there are two distinct kinds of gear - preventative gear (such as light reflecting material) and protective gear (such as helmets). Preventative gear is intended to warn others, presumably for the most part motorists, of the presence of the roller skater. It works only if the "other" is a responsible and caring individual who will afford the skater the necessary space and attention.Protective gear is intended to reduce the effect of any accident, whether it is caused by an other, the skater or some force of nature. Protective gear does little, if anything, to prevent accidents but is presumed to reduce the injuries that occur in an accident. The statistics on injuries suffered by skaters would be more interesting if the skaters were grouped into those wearing no gear at all, those wearing protective gear only, those wearing preventative gear only and those wearing both（分析了几种受伤的可能）. These statistics could provide skaters with a clearer understanding of which kinds of gear are more beneficial.（论点+论据+可行的建议，此段为对gear的种类的分析）

The argument above is weakened by the fact that it does not take into account the inherent differences between skaters who wear gear and those who do not. If is at least likely that those who wear gear may be generally more responsible and/or safety conscious individuals. The skaters who wear gear may be less likely to cause accidents through careless or dangerous behavior. It may, in fact, be their natural caution
and repsonsibility that keeps them out of the emergency room rather than the gear itself. Also, the statistic above is based entirely on those who are skating in streets and parking lots which are relatively dangerous places to skate in the first place. People who are generally more safety conscious (and therefore more likely to wear gear) may choose to skate in safer areas such as parks or back yards.（对自身因素的分析）

The statistic also goes not differentiate between severity of injuries. The conclusion that safety gear prevents severe injuries suggests that it is presumed that people come to the emergency room only with severe injuries. This is certainly not the case. Also, given that skating is a recreational activity that may be primarily engaged in during evenings and weekends (when doctors' offices are closed), skater with less
severe injuries may be especially likely to come to the emergency room for treatment.（区别受伤的不同性）

Finally, there is absolutely no evidence provided that high quality (and presumably more expensive) gear is any more beneficial than other kinds of gear. For example, a simple white t-shirt may provide the same preventative benefit as a higher quality, more expensive, shirt designed only for skating. Before skaters are encouraged to invest heavily in gear, a more complete understanding of the benefit provided by individual pieces of gear would be helpful.

The argument for safety gear based on emergency room statistics could provide important information and potentially saves lives. Before conclusions about the amount and kinds of investments that should be made in gear are reached, however, a more complete understanding of the benefits are needed.（对全文的建议） After all, a false confidence in ineffective gear could be just as dangerous as no gear at all.

SasakiKojiroUID: 2678315

Essay Response – Score 5

The argument presented is limited but useful. It indicates a possible relationship between a high percentage of accidents and a lack of protective equipment. （很简短的概括了全意）The statistics cited compel a further investigation of the usefulness of protective gear in preventing or mitigating roller-skating related injuries. However, the conclusion that protective gear and reflective equipment would "greatly reduce risk of being severely injured" is premature.（指出结论并不完善） Data is lacking with reference to the total population of skaters and the relative levels of experience, skill and physical coordination of that population.（对数据的质疑，受伤人中各个条件的不一致导致的不合理性） It is entirely possible that further research would indicate that most serious injury is averted by the skater's ability to react quickly and skillfully in emergency situations.（然后是给出建议）
Another area of investigation necessary before conclusions can be reached is identification of the types of injuries（受伤种类的质疑） that occur and the various causes of those injuries. The article fails to identify the most prevalent types of roller-skating related injuries. It also fails to correlate the absence of protective gear and reflective equipment to those injuries. For example, if the majority of injuries are skin abrasions and closed-head injuries, then a case can be made for the usefulness of protective clothing mentioned. Likewise, if injuries are caused by collision with vehicles (e.g. bicycles, cars) or pedestrians, then light-reflective equipment might mitigate the occurences. However, if the primary types of injuries are soft-tissue injuries such as torn ligaments and muscles, back injuries and the like, then a greater case could be made for training and experience as preventative measures.
全文相当的简短 并没有像6分文那样把每点都写了出来，而是写出了基本的几个逻辑错误，总体看了看以上4篇，字数也并不是越多越好，尽可能少的运用ETS都以熟知的模板，简单而有见地的文章，少量的语法错误，也许就能获得一个不菲的分数~

SasakiKojiroUID: 2678315

顺便附上自己的习作:
题目：Issue 130 "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society." (503字)
1、让步段：先否定前半句 赞同后半句。先大概说明“社会化”，同意孩子的社会化在某一程度上会影响社会，孩子是国家的未来，他们的思想必定带来对自己国家一定方向的转变。比如一个社会中国民如果大部分孩子喜欢绘画，到了某一时期这个国家很有可能向绘画发展。
3、转折段：我们怎样解释“更好的社会”？它是指什么？1.科技的发达？2.舒适的生活？以世界各国为例：（正如一句话：如果你爱他，就把他送到纽约，因为那里是天堂；如果你恨他，就把他送到纽约，因为那里是地狱。）美国纽约，经济发达而在那的人们可能会觉得居住的环境太过拥挤，而向往乡村生活；非洲，那里许多孩子的梦想便是能踏上通向北美或者欧洲之路，许多黑人都不愿回到自己的家乡，在欧洲发财的机会远远大于家乡。所以说更好的社会取决于许多未知的因素，因地而异，没有明确的标准，需要更深入得讨论。
4、看待教育的方式也是一个热点话题。在亚洲，教育太注重形式与考试分数，考试也是多种多样，而忽略了团队精神和动手能力，或者有些学生之关注与自己的专业水平，而忽略了自身的修养。
5、建议和对未来社会化形式的看好态度。
When we start to talk something about our children, this usually comes to a dilemma matter, a matter that no authorities can afford to ignore- our children and society. Granted, it is indisputable that how children are socialized today contributes directly to the destiny of society and no one can deny the fact that we can see our future society in our children, who may change situation of country in few years later. Let’s take a look at a country which has a large number of children that who have pay more attention to the painting, then, it may be a country of painter after several years.

However, the problem which is now being questioned by more and more people is that the meaning of a better society. Although a majority of sociologists and educationalists have tried their best to find out this answer, there are still much different views left. Is it advances in technology or a comfortable life leads people to a better society? The answer is absolutely no! As an old saying goes: If you love him, put him to New York, there is a paradise; if you hate him, put him to New York, there is hell. The information which is reported by newspaper over past years leads me to believe that an increasing number of people have complained there is so worse a living environment that they would like to live in the country compared with the high technology in New York. However, there are many people who still live in a miserable life and have to face the dangers of starvation and exposure in Africa, does high technology still work in this place? Why many young people from Africa are willing to go to the American or other cities in Europe instead of back to their homeland? Common senses tell us that what they want is safety in life and a comfort living environment. Therefore, these two forces are inextricably linked to explain a better society for us.

Moreover, a hot topic that education in our children in modern society has caused wide public concern. The information I have collected over last years makes me to question that the singleness of the educational form and the importance of the text score whether are good for our children, especially in Asia. Nowadays, children in growing numbers take many examinations in various ways. However, sociologists and educationalists seem to fail to take into account the basic fact that learning new skill and knowledge contributes directly to enhance their more job opportunities and promotion opportunities compared with examination itself.

To reiterate, while it is true that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society, this is not true of everyone. Despite the fact that there are many problems in our society and there are some bad forms in education, as long as we keep an open mind to socialization, tomorrow will be another beautiful day for us and our children.

参考书目：GRE作文大讲堂，football weekly.

after17UID: 2681985

When we start to talk something about our children, this我觉得用it 比较好 usually comes to a dilemma matter, a matter that no authorities can afford to ignore- our children and society. Granted, it is indisputable that how children are socialized today contributes directly to the destiny of society and no one can deny the fact that we can see our future society in our children, who may change situation of country in few years later. Let’s take a look at a country which has a large number of children that who have pay more attention to the painting, then, it may be a country of painter after several years.好像写成赞成题目了，没看出来否定前半句。感觉论点不清晰。

However, the problem which is now being questioned by more and more people is that the meaning of a better society. Although a majority of sociologists and educationalists have tried their best to find out this answer, there are still much different views left. Is it advances in technology or a comfortable life(that 强调句that不可省) leads people to a better society? The answer is absolutely no! As an old saying goes: If you love him, put him to New York, there is a paradise; if you hate him, put him to New York, there is hell. The information which is reported by newspaper over past years leads 换成drivers或者其他的，上面已经出现过leads  me to believe that an increasing number of people have complained there is so worse a living environment that they would like to live in the country compared with the high technology in New York. However, there are many people who still live in a miserable life and have to face the dangers of starvation and exposure in Africa, does high technology still work in this place? Why many young people from Africa are willing to go to the American or other cities in Europe instead of back to their homeland? Common senses tell us that what they want is safety in life and a comfort living environment. Therefore, these two forces are inextricably linked to explain a better society for us.
本段论证充分，并且举例详细论述论点。

Moreover, a hot topic that education in our children in modern society has caused wide public concern. The information I have collected over last years makes me to question that the singleness of the educational form and the importance of the text score whether are good for our children, especially in Asia 考试成绩高低和培养孩子没有过多联系吧，建议展开论述. Nowadays, children in growing numbers take many examinations in various ways. However, sociologists and educationalists seem to fail to take into account the basic fact that learning new skill and knowledge contributes directly to enhance their more job opportunities and promotion opportunities compared with examination itself.

To reiterate, while it is true that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society, this is not true of everyone. Despite the fact that there are many problems in our society and there are some bad forms in education, as long as we keep an open mind to socialization, tomorrow will be another beautiful day for us and our children.

要是不看中文提纲有点弄不清楚到底是赞成题目还是反对题目。看完之后感觉没有体现出反对前半句支持后半句。
第二段很好的论证了 better society, 但是我感觉没有写出如何赞成后半句。
前两天才开始看得ISSUE，说的不对的就忽略我吧。

SasakiKojiroUID: 2678315

哈哈 非常感谢！

after17UID: 2681985

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