tomatoo的独立作文

小心littleheartUID: 2726034

At first thought, traveling followed the（a） tour guide seems more efficiently  and effectively. If we think it over, however, the journey spend just with family is the fantastic（这个词不太恰当，直接用 a better） one.（第一段最好先陈述一下背景，引出问题，这样第一句话就不会觉得突然了~however放到if we…..的前面）
One the one hand, traveling with family members can definitely help us relax (relieve) the pressures which are from the severe competetitions (competitions) in our lives. During this kind of journey, we can decide everything at will, like where to go, when to start, how long to stay, etc. For instance, (if) I am going to have a three-day’s trip, I can drive my own car, taking my whole family, to (go) wherever we want.（注意一个句子只能有一个主语） If we are attracted by a beautiful clear lake when driving though（through） it, we can immediately cease going without thinking. What is more, if it is really too fascinating to leave, we can give up our original destination to spend three days on enjoying it. See? This is free, which is the very meaning （好像没见过这样用的~） of traveling. On the contrary, you will never taste such kind of freedom when traveling with a lot of strangers led by the guide.（这句要是展开一下就好了，比如stranger都包括哪些呢~~） The only thing we can do is in a hurry. From our home to the travel agency, then to the destination, then the next destination…, we need to in a hurry on all these ways. Under this circumstance, all I get is anxiety.
On the other hand, to travel with family can promote family harmony, while with strangers which would never meet again（有点绝对） is really boring. Because we do not know each other, we have to talk with each other reserved and even do not want to communicate with each other. Moreover, different people have different habits and opinions, which sometimes may brings some conflicts, especially in a long journey. But if we go for a travel with our dearest family members, the situation will be greatly distinct. We can play games, singing, even joking and talking which are really a good way (ways) to enhance the family ties. Because at ordinary time, the adults are busy with their working while the children are busy with they (their) study. They have so few opportunities to communicate with each other. Luckily, we can choose to have a journey with family to make up this pity.(这段的论证很好。很有说服力，呵呵~)
In sum, spending the journey time with family is much better than with strangers led by tour guides.
总体来说，行文结构挺好的，观点也明确~~就是注意一下语法错误，再就是词汇有点贫乏（跟我一样，囧~）~~~呵呵~~加油~

黑莲祭_UID: 2715943

你知不知道怎么在回复里添加附件啊？我是用word给你改的~

黑莲祭_UID: 2715943

把你邮箱给我吧~我没法添加附件。。我用word给你改的~

tomatooUID: 2754865

把你邮箱给我吧~我没法添加附件。。我用word给你改的~
黑莲祭_ 发表于 2010-2-4 21:29

好，27019943@qq.com
谢谢

tomatooUID: 2754865

2.5 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For future career success, is relating well to other people more important than studying hard at school?8c
Undoubtly nearly everyone in the world desires to achieve great success. There is still no universally agreed-on criterion for defining success, but the majority reach an agreement over one thing: sparing no efforts to strive in their own ways. As to students, two principal approaches, forming a close personal relationship and studing hard at school, are compared even since people debated on which is most significant means to succeed. In my point of view, to build well interpersonal relationship is more important than studing hard at school.

Indeed, learning knowledge from school is essential for the futher career. We can learn some academic knowledge and professional skills in a certain area which will be used in to our work. We can also learn some philosophies and values which can lead us to program a advisable life. In addition, as a student, study is the basic obligation. Therefore, we can not ignore the importance of study.

However, interpersonal skills most of which are not studied in class are the more crucial element for aquire achievement. Because each individual living in the society can not be separated from it. Without other’s help, anybody can never get success by their own. Only under the circumstance that many friends would like to do him a favor, can a person more likely to reach him goal. For instance, if a student want to succeed in marketing area, the best way is using his excellent interpersonal skills to make it. First, he must know how to communicate with his customers and grasp their inner sense. Second, he also can ask for help from his friends who are willing to offer assistence. On the contrary, if he just did very well in his academic courses and know little about the how to build a good interpersonal relationship, how could he have a idea communication with his customers, who would like to give him a hand? As a result, the interpersonal interaction is so important that we really need to relate well to other people.

Another point worth mentioning is that many students at school always pay less attention on human relation than study. In their minds, the study is their most significant task which absolutely occupies most of their time. Their life are full of examinations, experiments, papers,etc.. They have no such a sense to improve their abilities of interpersonal interaction to adapt to the complicated society. Comparatively, they are doing much better in studing than human relation which really need more concern from them. Thus, by contrast, improving the interpersonal skills is more urgent and crucial.

Based on the statements above, to be more successful in the future career, I absolutely advocate to make more efforts in interpersonal interaction which is more important than studing hard relatively.

tomatooUID: 2754865

TO jbc:
我没用段子，但是用句子了哈！
There is still no universally agreed-on criterion for 是TPO阅读里的
Without other’s help, anybody can never get success by their own是TPO听力里的我记得
Another point worth mentioning is that 是个忘了名的谁的口语模板里的。
我试过很多种写法，中立，一边倒，it depends, 总有人会意见不一致，比较有分歧，但就这一种好像大家意见比较一致，所以我决定以后就死写这一种，经典五段法：
1，引很长很长引出观点
2，让步一下
3，原因一
4，原因二
5，结论
不知道JBC对此有何看法？

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

2.5 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For future career success, is relating well to other people more important than studying hard at school?8c
Undoubtly nearly everyone in the world desires to achieve great success. There is still no universally agreed-on criterion for defining success, but the majority reach an agreement over one thing: sparing no efforts to strive in their own ways. As to students, two principal approaches, forming a close personal relationship and studing（studying,下面好像都写错了，要注意呀）hard at school, are compared even since people debated on which is most（more） significant means to succeed. In my point of view, to build well interpersonal relationship is more important than studing hard at school.

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Indeed, learning knowledge from school is essential for the futher （further）career. We can learn some academic knowledge and professional skills in a certain area which will be used in to our work. We can also learn some philosophies and values which can lead us to program a advisable life. In addition, as a student, study is the basic obligation. Therefore, we can not ignore the importance of study.

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However, interpersonal skills most of which are not studied in class are the more crucial element for aquire(+ing) achievement. Because each individual living in the society can not be separated from it. Without other’s help, anybody can never get success by their own. Only under the circumstance that many friends would like to do him a favor, can a person more likely to reach him goal.(这个句式很好！) For instance, if a student want to succeed in marketing area, the best way is using his excellent interpersonal skills to make it. First, he must know how to communicate with his customers and grasp their inner sense. Second, he also can ask for help from his friends who are willing to offer assistence. On the contrary, if he just did very well in his academic courses and know little about the how to build a good interpersonal relationship, how could he have an idea(是想用ideal么？) communication with his customers, who would like to give him a hand? As a result, the interpersonal interaction is so important that we really need to relate well to other people.6 E$ @5 n/ l; B( \7 d5 t5 [

Another point worth mentioning is that（用这里很好，嘿，我也背过，一个口语段子上的） many students at school always pay less attention on human relation than study. In their minds, the study is their most significant task which absolutely occupies most of their time. Their life are full of examinations, experiments, papers,etc.. They have no such a sense to improve their abilities of interpersonal interaction to adapt to the complicated society. Comparatively, they are doing much better in studing than human relation which really need more concern from them. Thus, by contrast, improving the interpersonal skills is more urgent and crucial.5 v* x& a- @" F" T3 _

Based on the statements above, to be more successful in the future career, I absolutely advocate to make(making) more efforts in interpersonal interaction which is more important than studing hard relatively.

我想说，你的文章语句很丰富，词汇也很多样化，基本没有什么重复使用的情况，这点是非常值得我学习的。因为太多好词好句啦，我也没一一指出，嘿，向你学习！
文章里一点点小问题，无大碍。
这种5步法，我觉得还不错。
至于第二段的让步，我觉得是必要的，不多余呢。
三四段的论证，两个角度都很有说服力，赞！
ps：作文花了多少时间来写呢？ 我写作文最近老超时，严重超时，很急，呃。。。

tomatooUID: 2754865

40# amanda_qinyy

呵呵，我常超时哦，不超时我也可以写，但是想写好一点，所以花时间也多一些，我决定考前一周才开始限时，前面先积累。

tomatooUID: 2754865

2.9 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should not pay to the public transportation.
Perhaps many people have never considerated such a question: whether should people pay to the public transportation? Because they are used to the chargeable mass transit. However, if I have an opportunity to choose one from free pubilic transit and chargeable transit, undoubtly the later one will win my preference. Because in my mind, people should not pay to the public transportation.

Admittedly, the revenue of the public trasportation can be utilized to improve people’s living standards in some other ways. However, this kind of revenue just occupy a very little part of the financial revenue. Governments can get some revenue through other methoeds such as by increasing domestic demand.


What is more, governments are supposed to benefit the people and improve their living conditions as possible as they can, not to mention ameliorating the basic public transit. So many people depend on mass transit to get to their destinations, especially those people who are not so rich. If people need not to pay to the pubilic transportation, more money can be saved for other consumption like meeting some spiritual and cultural needs. For instance, a common employee in Beijing can save about several hundred Yuan which can be utilized for further study, listening to a concert, etc.. If so, the employee’s living standard can absolutely be improved. Maybe after further studing, he or she can creates more value for this society. So it is really a good idea for government to cancel the public transportation fee.

In addition, free public transit will contribute to less private cars and less pollution. You can imagine, if people can enjoy the free public transit, more and more people will choose to take the buses, subways instead of taxies and their private cars. Thus, there will be less vehicles on the road which means the traffic condition will be more open and safer. What is more, the emission of the gas will reduce which can bring us fresher air again. It seems that I have been in the fresh of air already. I really expect the free public transit which can
definitely bring us a better living condition.

Based on the statement above, I advocate that people should not pay to the public transit. Only under the circumstance that public tranist is free, could people enjoy a more comfortable and healthy life.

奇流沙UID: 2698749

童鞋，我是原帖里你楼上滴，嗯，我昨天才加入这个主题活动，不大懂，但是按照原帖里说的，3人一组的话，是不是我和你在一组捏……不管了，我先帮你改了哦……

奇流沙UID: 2698749

2.9 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should not pay to the public transportation.$ f& m" M1 J! P8 D* L" U* T
Perhaps many people have never considerated(considered) such a question: whether should people pay to the public transportation? Because they are(have been) used to the chargeable mass transit. However, if I have an opportunity to choose one from free puilic transit and chargeable transit, undoubtly(no doubt that) the later(former) one will win my preference. Because in my mind people should not pay to the public transportation in my mind,

Admittedly, the revenue of the public transportation can be utilized to improve people’s living standards in some other ways. However, this kind of revenue just occupies a very little part of the financial revenue. Governments can get some revenue through other methods such as (by) increasing domestic demand.

What is more, governments are supposed to benefit the people and improve their living conditions as possible as they can, not to mention ameliorating the basic public transit. So many people depend on mass transit to get to their destinations, especially those people who are not so rich. If people need not to pay to the public transportation, more money can be saved for other consumption like meeting some spiritual and cultural needs. For instance, a common employee in Beijing can save about several hundred Yuan which can be utilized for further study, listening to a concert, etc. If so, the employee’s living standard can absolutely be improved. Maybe after further studing(study), he or she can creates more value for this society. So it is really a good idea for government to cancel the public transportation fee.
s2 In addition, free public transit will contribute to less private cars and less pollution. You can imagine if people can enjoy the free public transit, more and more people will choose to take the buses, subways instead of taxies and their private cars. Thus, there will be less(fewer) vehicles on the road which(用which指代不明，是前面有更少车辆这样的情况指代后面的意指) ，that means the traffic condition will be more open and safer. What is more, the emission of the gas will reduce which (the reducing of exhaust emission) can bring us fresher air (again). It seems that I have been in the fresh of air already. I really expect the free public transit (which) can definitely bring us a better living condition./ {% ^/ n- `8 T, E
这一段中，用了很多从句结构，但是which指代的都是前面陈述的整句的情况，我觉得改成“That ……(指代的情况)……will…………”的结构不会显得那么乱。倒数第二句中说It seems that I have been in the fresh of air already。如果我理解么错的话，应该是想说我似乎已经能够感受到那新鲜的空气了，但是这个表达放在这里好像蛮突兀的说……
Based on the statements above, I advocate that people should not pay to the public transit. Only under the circumstance that public transit is free, could people enjoy a more comfortable and healthy life.
我觉得这篇作文写的条理清晰，每一段都围绕主题句有很好的发展。最大的优点是用词的准确，也有很多好句子比如倒装结构值得我学习。但是倒数第二段的从句结构有些显得混乱。总体来说是篇不错的习作。
ll要记得也帮我改一下哦~~~

mangohahaUID: 2758178

422 字数适中
Perhaps many people have never considerated such a question: whether should people pay to the public transportation? Because they are used to the chargeable mass transit. However, if I have an opportunity to choose one from free pubilic transit and chargeable transit, undoubtly the later one will win my preference. Because in my mind, people should not pay to the public transportation
有背景， 有观点，很好的开头.0 f6 W( b6 p( o( C7 L
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Admittedly, the revenue of the public trasportation can be utilized to improve people’s living standards in some other ways. However, this kind of revenue just occupy a very little part of the financial revenue. Governments can get some revenue through other methoeds such as by increasing domestic demand
首段，让步段，程度适中，不过稍微长一些也不会对文章的整体有负面影响，3句话，整体看起来不是很协调，不过不得不说，很好的一段.
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What is more, governments are supposed to benefit the people and improve their living conditions as possible as they can, not to mention ameliorating the basic public transit（本段论点）. So many people depend on mass transit to get to their destinations, especially those people who are not so rich. If people need not to pay to the pubilic transportation, more money can be saved for other consumption like meeting some spiritual and cultural needs. For instance, a common employee in Beijing can save about several hundred Yuan which can be utilized for further study, listening to a concert, etc.. If so, the employee’s living standard can absolutely be improved. Maybe after further studing, he or she can creates more value for this society. So it is really a good idea for government to cancel the public transportation fee
很好的论证。。。例子也恰到好处。。。.

In addition, free public transit will contribute to less private cars and less pollution. You can imagine, if people can enjoy the free public transit, more and more people will choose to take the buses, subways instead of taxies and their private cars. Thus, there will be less vehicles on the road which means the traffic condition will be more open and safer. What is more, the emission of the gas will reduce which can bring us fresher air again. It seems that I have been in the fresh of air already. I really expect the free public transit which can
definitely bring us a better living condition.

Based on the statement above, I advocate that people should not pay to the public transit. Only under the circumstance that public tranist is free, could people enjoy a more comfortable and healthy life.

。。。。应为自身在词语和语法的使用上就很烂没办法给您意见。。。也是因为写的真的很好。。。
从逻辑表达方面，整篇文章的布局，唯一的建议就是各段之间有个过渡会好些。。。
很好的习作。。。羡慕O(∩_∩)O~

tomatooUID: 2754865

2.11 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In 20 years from now on, students will not use printed books anymore
If you are a serious observer of life, perhaps you have found that more and more people around you prefer getting information and knowledge from ebooks
and other resources to printed books. However, there still large numbers of people are learning from printed books, especially those students. Moreover, I want to baldly assert that most students will depend on printed books in a long-term period which will be more than 20 years undoubtedly.

At first, I have to acknowledge that ebooks are indeed more advanced than printed books. They are less space consuming, less money consuming, easier to edit and so on so forth. But all of these benefits have a prerequisite: we need to own a computer or other related machine first. Thought the society is developing in an incredible speed, I do not believe that every people including students can possess a computer in 20 years. In other words, it is impossible that students will not use printed books anymore for the objective situation.

Even if there is no such an objective limitation, some subjective reasons will make many people keep reading printed books. Books whose history spanned thousands of years are the most traditional way for people to get knowledge. It is a kind of culture that is not so easy to disappear completely. For instance, when radio came into people’s life, many experts predicted that newspapers will extinct soon. The result is we can still enjoy the information on the newspapers nowadays. Because people are not only pursuing the current technology’s convenience, but also want to keep enjoying those traditional cultures. So I promise that the books and other information medium will co-exist in 20 years.

No matter for the objective cause or the subjective reason, the printed booked will not disappear after sever decades, not to mention 20 years. therefore, I totally believe that students will still use printed books many years later.