1010G零散版友作文互改帖（Issue）

sucre1990UID：2619918

48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

The writer claims that the important events and trends in history were caused mainly by groups of people who are forgotten instead of the famous few. Insofar as I agree, the big progress in any fields can’t be lack of the majority's effort. However, I don't think it is the reason to blame the emphasis on the individuals which is the point that the writer suggests. History is subjective. If there is a method, there must be an explanation.

It is undoubtable that no matter what happens the main force always comes from the vast people. Social development is always made by mainstream. If we examine our history, we will find to prove it there will never be short of evidences. Focus on the fact that behind construction of Pyramids and the Great Wall. Consider the huge workload it needed, it will be even unthinkable to achieve it without thousands of people's hard work. And also if there was without the great effort the popularity made, the French Revolution would never succeed. And the Absolute Monarchy would not end. Surely because the contribution is not a one-man making, we should also give our respect to the majority. But the truth is if you want to know about the history better, you should learn from the famous few.

Firstly, the highlight ones are always the representative of the most people and the period of the time in history. When Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, he became famous. However it is not only his own idea that the black people should have their right of freedom and the right to pursue happiness, but it also disclosed the countless people’s desire in American society. It is understandable that history push the representatives to the spotlight. Studying these ones can help learn more about the interest and impulse of the time.  

Nevertheless, on the opposite side, it is impossible to study on the common majority a lot for the reason that there is little evidence left about them. Human in the past were widely lack of the skill to record their daily life and they were striking for surviving, the one who could write was prefer to note the meaningful events and the great ones. It limited by the literature level. Besides the majority also means to too many to research, we don't have so much time and resource which means impossible.

And finally when you read a lot about history, you will also find that the people become famous don't because of no reasons. Something no one else can do but them. We should admit the fact that some events or changes in the history can't happen if there is lack of their leadership. Winston Churchill was a very competent prime minister whose speeches gave courage to an entire nation. Though Britain would have been unable to defend itself without the sacrifices of the soldiers on the battle field, the efforts of Winston Churchill can never be undermined. His brilliant in the decision and leadership in the European battle field, if I could, I will assert that the success all owes to him. And it is also the same situation coming to the process that China was founded, the leadership of Mao Zedong should claims to be irreplaceable to the final succeed. We cannot gainsay the great endeavor the great ones made and the importance and irreplaceable meanings they were. That will give a good reason to support study on the famous ones.

In sum, the history consists of people and is changed by people. Though to study it, it is difficult through common majority for the reasons that they were recorded little. And not only do the history highlight the famous few, but also they illustrate the history to the people now. It is reasonable to emphasis on the individuals.
谢谢帮我改的同学

sucre1990UID：2619918

75# sucre1990


刚刚网络2啦 麻烦楼主帮忙删帖 谢谢了

anniehalUID：2716032

48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

The writer claims that the important events and trends in history were caused mainly by groups of people who are forgotten instead of the famous few. Insofar as I agree, the big progress in any fields can’t(cannot; can’t is informal in GRE) be lack of the majority's effort. However, I don't( do not; the same as above) think it is the reason to blame the emphasis on the individuals( blame the emphasis?? It’s used improperly I think) which is the point( I really cant see the point…) that the writer suggests. History is subjective. If there is a method, there must be an explanation.(TS right? It sounds weird.. what’s it to do with method&explanation?)

It is undoubtable that no matter what happens the main force always comes from the vast people. Social development is always made by mainstream. If we examine our history, we will find to prove it there will never be short of evidences(grammar mistake, two verbs in the sentence) . Focus on the fact that behind construction of Pyramids and the Great Wall. Consider the huge workload it needed,(two sentences cant be linked by comma) it will be even unthinkable to achieve it without thousands of people's hard work. And also if there was without the great effort the popularity made, the French Revolution would never succeed. And the Absolute Monarchy would not end. Surely because the contribution is not a one-man making, we should also give our respect to the majority. But the truth is if you want to know about(learn is better) the history better, you should learn from the famous few.(leave it to the next paragraph)

( I was thinking what is point of this paragraph.. actually it’s better to put the linking sentence in the next paragraph. And it seems you know a lot, but the purpose of examples is to serve your idea, not just simply show it. You’d better develop them, not just write it down)


Firstly, the highlight ones are always(sounds weird) the representative of the most people and the period of the time in history. When Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, he became famous. However it is not only his own idea that the black people should have their right of freedom and the right to pursue happiness, but it also disclosed the countless people’s desire in American society. It is understandable that history push the representatives to the spotlight. Studying these ones can help learn more about the interest and impulse of the time.  

Nevertheless, on the opposite side, (one is enough) it is impossible to study on the common majority a lot for the reason that there is little evidence left about them. Human in the past were widely lack of the skill to record their daily life and they were striking for surviving, the one who could write was prefer to note the meaningful events and the great ones. It limited by the literature level. Besides the majority also means to too many to research,(grammer) we don't have so much time and resource which means impossible.

And finally when you read a lot about history, you will also find that the people become famous don't because of no reasons.(weird, too chinglish) Something no one else can do but them.(again, chinlish) We should admit the fact that some events or changes in the history can't happen if there is lack of their leadership. Winston Churchill was a very competent prime minister whose speeches gave courage to an entire nation. Though Britain would have been unable to defend itself without the sacrifices of the soldiers on the battle field, the efforts of Winston Churchill can never be undermined. His brilliant in the decision and leadership in the European battle field, if I could, I will assert that the success all owes to him. And it is also the same situation coming to the process that China was founded, the leadership of Mao Zedong should claims to be irreplaceable to the final succeed. We cannot gainsay the great endeavor the great ones made and the importance and irreplaceable meanings they were. That will give a good reason to support study on the famous ones.

In sum, the history consists of people and is changed by people. Though to study it, it is difficult through common majority for the reasons that they were recorded little. And not only do the history highlight the famous few, but also they illustrate the history to the people now. It is reasonable to emphasis on the individuals

文章很长，但主旨不清楚。文章的发展是连贯的，但有些偏题了。主要讨论的问题应该是历史是否忽略了那些没留姓名，却做出贡献的人。个人觉得跑题了。

anniehalUID：2716032

TOPIC: ISSUE69 - "Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development"
WORDS: 514-607         TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2010-7-20 15:51:45

I partly agree with the statement above that government should not place too many restrictions on scientific research and development. However, referring to several specific aspects, it is also proper to make some rules for protecting the interests of the majority.

In my point of view, restrictions on the scientific research of nowadays may block the future development. No one can foresee the future. Any scientific research we regard as useless may be the foundation of an astonishing discovery or invention. Just like it was unpredictable that Galileo's theory would pave the way for Newtown's Laws of Gravity, and which set the stage for the Relativism uncovered by Einstein. If the government implements too many rules on scientists' researches, they may unintentionally kill another great science breakthrough at the first place. Therefore, because of the unknown future, it is preferable to give scientists more freedom about their work.

Moreover, a free environment of scientific research is also of vital importance for scientists, which helps them to focus on their work but worry about despised by other scholars. Otherwise, some scientists may give up their work for scared of violating some authorities’ theories. The scientific development in United States is a good example for this. Thanks to the free right of expressing their own ideas, scientists in USA are able to entirely devote themselves to their studies and make them public even they seems like fantasy. This favorable environment for scientific studies contributes a lot to the huge development of science and technology. Hence, an open environment for all kinds of scientific research and activities is helpful to scientists to fulfill their achievements.

Apart from the open environment for scientists' work, the government's support is also of paramount importance. As is known to all, some research requires advanced technological appliances and scientists' long persisting endeavor. Without the financial support given by the government, it is somehow impossible to require those scientists to insist on their researches, since everyone needs to pay for their living expenses, especially scientists, who also need a great amount of money to purchase those indispensable materials for studies. Even some scientists persist on devoting to their works without pay, it is still difficult for them to obtain the goal or do an excellent job, for lacking basic sponsorship.

The free environment of scientific research and the positive support provided by the government are served to be an expected foundation for scientists’ studies. However, I have to say that, in order to protect the interests of most people, the government does need to make restrictions for specific fields' work, which obviously violate the social standard or do harm to the others. For many years, all the governments around the world have implemented a strict rule about cloning humane. This rule is definitely required and proper, since it is irresponsible for some scientists to clone people just for their own researches. The cloning man will surely make the existed family ethics into disorder, even chaos. Government is the leader of the society, and it is its responsibility to consider people's welfare and the order of the whole society at the macro level. Therefore, referring to some scientific researchers, which obviously violate the majority's interest, restrictions are still essential and indispensable.

To sum up, governments are expected to provide a free environment for scientific research and development, since each study is possible to pave the way for brilliant innovations in the future. And their financial support would back scientists to keep the way of tough and challenging findings. Whilst, in regard to specific areas, rules are still needed to protect the social order for the long run.

追梦小木耳UID：2781857

I partly agree with the statement above that government should not place too many restrictions on scientific research and development. However, referring to several specific aspects, it is also proper to make some rules for protecting the interests of the majority.

In my point of view, restrictions on the scientific research of nowadays may block the future development. No one can foresee the future. Any scientific research we regard as useless may be the foundation of an astonishing discovery or invention. Just like it was unpredictable that Galileo's theory would pave the way for Newtown's Laws of Gravity, and which set the stage for the Relativism uncovered by Einstein. If the government implements too many rules on scientists' researches, they may unintentionally kill another great science breakthrough at the first place. Therefore, because of the unknown future, it is preferable to give scientists more freedom about their work.

Moreover, a free environment of scientific research is also of vital importance for scientists, which helps them to focus on their work but rather than worry about being despised by other scholars. Otherwise, some scientists may give up their work for scared scare of violating some authorities’ theories. The scientific development in United States is a good example for this. Thanks to the free right freedom of expressing their own ideas, scientists in USA are able to entirely devote themselves to their studies and make them public even they seems like fantasy. 这个例子准确吗？美国人可以做任何研究？ This favorable environment for scientific studies contributes a lot to the huge development of science and technology. Hence, an open environment for all kinds of scientific research and activities is helpful to scientists to fulfill their achievements.

Apart from the open environment for scientists' work, the government's support is also of paramount importance. As is known to all, some research requires advanced technological appliances and scientists' long persisting endeavor. Without the financial support given by the government, it is somehow impossible to require those scientists to insist on their researches, since everyone needs to pay for their living expenses, especially scientists, who also need a great amount of money to purchase those indispensable materials for studies. Even some scientists persist on devoting to their works without pay, it is still difficult for them to obtain the goal or do an excellent job, for lacking basic sponsorship.
这一段的议论是什么目的呢？科研离不开政府的财政支持。那么什么样的科研应该得到政府的支持呢？还是所有都应该得到？？
The free environment of scientific research and the positive support provided by the government are served to be an expected foundation for scientists’ studies. However, I have to say that, in order to protect the interests of most people, the government does need to make restrictions for specific fields' work, which obviously violate the social standard or do harm to the others. For many years, all the governments around the world have implemented a strict rule about cloning humane. This rule is definitely required and proper, since it is irresponsible for some scientists to clone people just for their own researches. The cloning man will surely make the existed family ethics into disorder, even chaos. Government is the leader of the society, and it is its responsibility to consider people's welfare and the order of the whole society at the macro level. Therefore, referring to some scientific researchers, which obviously violate the majority's interests, restrictions are still essential and indispensable.

To sum up, governments are expected to provide a free environment for scientific research and development, since each study is possible to pave the way for brilliant innovations in the future. And their financial support would back scientists to keep the way of tough and challenging findings. Whilst, in regard to specific areas, rules are still needed to protect the social order for the long run.

语言不错，没有问题。下面说一说主要的不足吧。
Body1 对科研限制的坏处，以此说明开放环境的好处
Body2 开放环境对科研的好处
Body3 需要政府的支持
Body4 仍然需要限制
Body1 2的论述比较有逻辑性，但是Body3 讨论政府的财政支持就有点离题了，尤其是在你前面探讨过限制的坏处和开放的好处后，b3给我的感觉就是政府应该支持所有的科研。但是b4作为补充，有些和b1矛盾。你好像在说限制不好，说了一圈回来又说需要限制。何不合在一起讨论一下到底需不需要限制，对于哪些应该限制，哪些应该开放呢？

我的思路：关键词：政府、科研、限制
（1）
为什么要对科研限制，因为有些研究违背了伦理，或者可能带来战争、疾病、污染等。因此政府对科研领域必须有限制，而不是越少越好
（2）
科研限制会造成什么影响：限制一些科学家的科研发展；会减少可能预料到的危害
（3）
怎样限制和鼓励：对可以预料到有危害、有影响的科研必须控制。鼓励发展对人类社会有贡献的科研

追梦小木耳UID：2781857

TOPIC: ISSUE103 - "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."
WORDS: 443  final: 623        TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2010-7-20 16:01:59


There is no doubt that the study of history that is relevant to our daily lives is valuable. The study of those famous individuals would inspire us and even direct the way we live. However, there also exists significance to study the history that appears not relative to our daily lives. By studying the huge events we could understand how society develops. And the process of studying history teaches us how to evaluate and analyze the practical incidents.

We have been told and read many historical stories since childhood which play roles of guidance in our daily lives. By studying the lives and works of those famous and great persons, we learn the values of society and obtain inspirations. To study the story of Helen Keller, a deaf and blind girl, we know ideal is what we should persist during the struggle through life. To study the life of Princess Diana, we understand that kindness and a warm heart is more valuable than beauty. To study the failure and success of Thomas Edison, we recognize the importance of persistence. It is these famous individuals' stories that told us the valuable virtues in our lives and they inspire us to pursue our goals.

However, studying history irrelevant to daily lives also has meanings, especially those significant events in history. In the first place, studying the historical events make us better understand the development of our society and how it changes. The significant evens are always the turning points of certain trends in history, which changed society as well as people's lives. For instance, one may think it useless to study the architectural history since the buildings we live in now are totally different from those a hundred years ago, let alone the buildings in ancient Romes and Greeks. But this is not the case. Only by study the architecture in the past can we know where modern architecture stem from, what affect the development of architecture and what architecture would be in the future. By studying the change of modern architecture in 1920s, when modernism became mainstream, we know that it was the change in technology of construction that has triggered the form of buildings. And in the future, the improvement of technology would lead to new architecture which would satisfy more needs of residents. Therefore, studying the changes in history help people recognize the trends of present society.

Furthermore, the skill to evaluate and analyze historical events is also valuable, which could be used to studies and works. When we study a significant event, we must at first study the background, analyze its causes and results, and evaluate its influence and significance. The study process seems not relative to daily lives, while the studying method we gain during the study is exceptionally valuable. When faced with certain incidents, we could use this method to analyze and evaluate it. Imagine the tax rate has risen recently, one should not simply complain that he has to pay more taxes. He could examine the present economic conditions and figure out the reason behind the rising tax rate. Perhaps, the government uses the tax revenues to improve the local education which would bring great benefits to the residents. Or maybe the government is going to construct public facilities and all citizens could use free of charges. In this case, what he will benefit would be more than he has paid, and the policy to rise tax rate is meaningful. Thus, other than the contents in history, the study of history itself could be valuable.

In conclusion, the study of history relative to daily lives directs and inspires us in the process of pursuing our goals, and the study of the significant events teaches us how to think of present society and future.

tyarelUID：2756223

诶，大家都开始限时了。。。占楼


TOPIC: ISSUE103 - "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."
WORDS: 443  final: 623        TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2010-7-20 16:01:59


There is no doubt that the study of history that is relevant to our daily lives is valuable. The study of those famous individuals would inspire us and even direct the way we live. However, there also exists significance to study the history that appears not relative to our daily lives. By studying the huge events we could understand how society develops. And the process of studying history teaches us how to evaluate and analyze the practical incidents.

We have been told and read many historical stories since childhood which play roles of guidance in our daily lives. By studying the lives and works of those famous and great persons, we learn the values of society and obtain inspirations. To study the story of Helen Keller, a deaf and blind girl, we know ideal is what we should persist during the struggle through life. To study the life of Princess Diana, we understand that kindness and a warm heart is more valuable than beauty. To study the failure and success of Thomas Edison, we recognize the importance of persistence. It is these famous individuals' stories that told us the valuable virtues in our lives and they inspire us to pursue our goals.

However, studying history irrelevant to daily lives also has meanings, especially those significant events in history. In the first place, studying the historical events make us better understand the development of our society and how it changes. The significant evens (events) are always the turning points of certain trends in history, which changed society as well as people's lives. For instance, one may think it useless to study the architectural history since the buildings we live in now are totally different from those a hundred years ago, let alone the buildings in ancient Romes and Greeks. But this is not the case. Only by study the architecture in the past can we know where modern architecture stem from, what affect the development of architecture and what architecture would be in the future. By studying the change of modern architecture in 1920s, when modernism became mainstream, we know that it was the change in technology of construction that has triggered the form of buildings. And in the future, the improvement of technology would lead to new architecture which would satisfy more needs of residents. Therefore, studying the changes in history help(s) people recognize the trends of present society.

Furthermore, the skill to evaluate and analyze historical events is also valuable, which could be used to(in) studies and works. When we study a significant event, we must at first study the background, analyze its causes and results, and evaluate its influence and significance. The study process seems not relative to daily lives, while the studying method we gain during the study is exceptionally valuable. When faced with certain incidents, we could use this method to analyze and evaluate it. Imagine the tax rate has risen recently, one should not simply complain that he has to pay more taxes. He could examine the present economic conditions and figure out the reason behind the rising tax rate. Perhaps, the government uses the tax revenues to improve the local education which would bring great benefits to the residents. Or maybe the government is going to construct public facilities and all citizens could use free of charges. In this case, what he will benefit would be more than he has paid, and the policy to rise(raise) tax rate is meaningful. Thus, other than the contents in history, the study of history itself could be valuable.

In conclusion, the study of history relative to daily lives directs and inspires us in the process of pursuing our goals, and the study of the significant events teaches us how to think of present society and future.

结构很清晰，论述也很完整，首末段都有对中间部分的呼应，这些都是优点
提3个建议。
尾段既然要总结全文，那还是把3个部分都写进去吧？觉得就总结了前2段，好象写一半突然掐掉的感觉…
另外对于第3段的例子，感觉还不够说到点子上。既然是这种自己编的例子，就应该说的狠一点，当然不是要太夸张=_=～我是觉得，既然tax rise，例子里的人掌握分析方法可以了解政策走向，但是这对他有什么好处呢？不管会不会分析，education reformation或者facilities construction是对所有人受益的，那就体现不出会分析的人的优势啦？那为什么不改一下，tax rise可以意味者innovation in economy，会分析的人就可以了解动向，比如说可以invest on stocks and profit from that这样就体现出会分析的人有什么优势了，对你的论点的支持力度就更强了是吧？
最后就是，看得出追梦用词的时候注意多样性的问题了，不过study用的好频繁阿，可以替换掉一些，有些地方则是可以省略掉，特别P3那句话比较夸张，一句话里出现3次study，没有必要每次特别体现出"研究"。然后有些地方的"学习，研究"的意思完全可以用learn, command,master,familiarize什么的替代一下，既然这方面有考虑，就尽量做到最好咯～

tyarelUID：2756223

212 "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."
212．如果一个目标是值得的，那么追求目标的任何手段都是正当的。


Nowadays, when solving problems or pursuing goals, without any consideration to the means they take, people always merely focus only on what they get and whether they reach goals. Methods are always regarded as justifiable as long as people achieve their aims in the end. However, I disagree with that since sometimes the side effects the methods induce may overshadow the goals people reached in many circumstances such as business, politics and development.

With fierce competition, corporations always have to try their best to pursue profits. Take construction companies as an example. In China, inviting bids is the most common methods to the government to choose the construction firm for the important building project. It's obviously that only the best company can get the chance. If small companies obtain the opportunity, they will make a great profit through that, which can be the first step to their development. Facing such a tempting chance, no one is reluctant to give up. Thus, some means that cannot stand scrutiny may be used. With corruptions, those companies may obtain the project and it will draw them large revenue. They really reach the goals they expect, but is that method justifiable? The answer is definitively "No". Their behaviors break the law as well as the fairness of the market. On one hand, they may cause the unhealthy competitions in the market, which do harm to the economy. On the other hand, it is impossible that their crimes can be hidden forever. Finally, they will pay deeply for their bribe. Therefore, how can it be possible that the methods resulting in that is justifiable?

Similarly, in political field, not every method is justifiable, too. The typical example is war. Waging wars is always the last alternative to political leaders because of the unexpected results it may course. For instance, in order to eliminate Saddam and his polity to strength the position and influence of American to mid-east, Bush decided to attack Iraq in 2003. And the end that America won the war soon came as no surprise. However, that didn't mean it was a justifiable means. Facing condemns from other countries, anti-war parades all over America and consequent economic recession, Bush and his officials figured out that they lost more after the war. They had to rebuild the international image and regain the public's confidence as well. Hard as they worked, it was still impossible for them to win favors from Americans again. That's one of the major reasons why only blames and angers companied Bush when he left the White House.

Besides those mentioned, many methods people used in their promotion to development are also cannot be considered as justifiable. Nowadays, people begin to concentrate more on environment and attraction of many products is being environmental friendly. However, 20 years ago, what people concerned with was not that. Humans exploited all the resource from the earth and ignored the possible damage it would bring. Every year, the area of rainforest destroyed in Brazil is 8 times more than that of Welsh. Recently, although pollution has become a hot topic all over the world and environment problems are taken into consideration gradually, people still enjoyed their lives at the cost of the earth. Felling operation and fishing are yet the major ways to some countries to improve economy. And if they do so, they will bring themselves the judgment day in the future.

All in all, it is nature that people will take any measures to achieve their ambitions and it is usually beyond criticism. But, there still exist some methods which should not be taken since they will conduce to an irreversible damage.


谢谢lx

爱妳不变UID：2733836

otherwise it is very easily to confuse people.

figuechenUID：2850619

改83L

212 "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."
212．如果一个目标是值得的，那么追求目标的任何手段都是正当的。


Nowadays, when solving problems or pursuing goals, without any consideration to the means they take, people always merely focus only on what they get and whether they reach goals. Methods are always regarded as justifiable as long as people achieve their aims in the end. However, I disagree with that since sometimes the side effects the methods induce may overshadow the goals people reached in many circumstances such as business, politics and development.

With fierce competition, corporations always have to try their best to pursue profits. Take construction companies as an example. In China, inviting bids is the most common methods to the government to choose the construction firm for the important building project. It's obviously [obvious] that only the best company can get the chance. [这句跟下面有矛盾，由于和论点关系不大，建议删去。]If small companies obtain the opportunity, they will make a great profit through that, which can be the first step to their development. Facing such a tempting chance, no one is reluctant to give up. Thus, some means that cannot stand scrutiny may be used. With corruptions, [通过腐败手段？好像不那么说吧。Through dirty deals就可以了]those companies may obtain the project and it will draw them large revenue. They really [finally比较好]reach the goals they expect, but is that method justifiable? The answer is definitively "No". Their behaviors break the law as well as the fairness of the market. On one hand, they may cause the unhealthy [不健康的竞争绝对不是unhealthy…那个是指食品的不健康…]competitions in the market, which do harm to the economy. On the other hand, it is impossible that their crimes can be hidden forever. Finally, they will pay deeply for their bribe. Therefore, how can it be possible that the methods resulting in that is justifiable?

Similarly, in political field, not every method is justifiable, too. The typical example is war. Waging wars is always the last alternative to political leaders because of the unexpected results it may course. [cause] For instance, in order to eliminate [消灭可以这么用？这个词一般是排除淘汰的意思吧] Saddam and his polity to strength the position and influence of American to mid-east, Bush decided to attack Iraq in 2003. And the end that America won the war soon came as no surprise. However, that didn't mean it was a justifiable means. Facing condemns from other countries, anti-war parades all over America and consequent economic recession, Bush and his officials figured out that they lost more after the war. They had to rebuild the international image and regain the public's confidence as well. Hard as they worked, it was still impossible for them to win favors from Americans again. That's one of the major reasons why only blames and angers companied Bush when he left the White House.

Besides those mentioned, many methods people used in their promotion to development are also cannot be considered as justifiable. Nowadays, people begin to concentrate more on environment and attraction of many products is being environmental friendly. However, 20 years ago, what people concerned with was not that. Humans exploited all the resource from the earth and ignored the possible damage it would bring. Every year, the area of rainforest destroyed in Brazil is 8 times more than that of Welsh. Recently, although pollution has become a hot topic all over the world and environment problems are taken into consideration gradually, people still enjoyed their lives at the cost of the earth. Felling operation and fishing are yet the major ways to some countries to improve economy. And if they do so, they will bring themselves the judgment day in the future.

All in all, it is nature that people will take any measures to achieve their ambitions and it is usually beyond criticism. But, there still exist some methods which should not be taken since they will conduce to an irreversible damage.

总的来说，作者在谋篇布局的思路上做的不是太好。三段只是从三个角度各举了一个例子来说明为达到合法手段所采取的不合法途径的不正确性。但是这三个角度之间缺乏逻辑的联系，整篇文章看起来比较散。建议能再加强段落与段落之间的内在逻辑关系。

另外作者的语言问题比较大，比较口语化，同时词组和短语的运用也不是很恰当。建议如果不是太熟悉的词组就不要生搬硬套，这样反而会给读者带来不好的印象。

最后说明一下我在改别人作文的时候都会比较苛刻，所以还请作者多多包涵~

figuechenUID：2850619

TOPIC: ISSUE50 - "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
WORDS: 641          TIME: 01:00:00          DATE: 2010-7-21 15:11:51

观点：这种做法没有考虑到学科间的不同与教育的最终目的，因为既武断又功利。
提纲
1. 对于理论学科，这种做法不能提高老师的能力，更不用说是学生的了。
2. 对于实践学科，这种做法能提高老师的能力，也能传授提高学生的能力。
3. 教育的最终目的是培养独立思考的人，而这种做法不能达到这个目的。

    This is nowhere more presumptuous and utilitarian than the assertion that all faculty should spend time working outside the academic world in order to raise the quality of university education. There lies disparity in different disciplines. For theoretical disciplines, the measure is of no use; even for applied disciplines, the measure might be useful, but I fully doubt its effectiveness.
    This measure aims at raising the quality of all faculty so that students may combine theory into practice. What is dubious is that not all disciplines require a combination of theory and practice. The author fails to take the disparities between these two kinds of disciplines into consideration.
    On one hand, disciplines such as physics and philosophy, are defined as theory subjects where their goal is the exploration in theory. The work of these subjects performs as the basis of applied disciplines and helps improve our society indirectly. It is not necessary for faculty to finish such task since no enhancement will be accomplished. Doing experiments or brainstorming is all they require in their work, and laboratory or a room is enough for them, and such enforcements will do little more than interrupting their daily routines. Take Kant, the great philosopher, for example, he has stayed in his hometown for all his life. As a philosopher, he has worked as a professor in an academy and has never had such "relevant professions". However, his theory was impressive and pushed the world of philosophy forward. Another example is Einstein and his theory of relativity. It is well known that Einstein worked out this tremendous theory when he was a patent clerk. Never had he taken the profession relevant to physics before he made this great contribution to the human being. From these two examples, we can claim that this measure is no more than a compromise to utilitarian. It will not bring any benefit to the teachers, not to mention students.
On the other hand, disciplines such as economy and engineering, are applied subjects and therefore there exists the need to combine theory with practice. In these subjects, theory is concluded from the practice and changes with the practice. The old knowledge will go out of date if it has not been updated frequently. Since faculty working at universities seldom has the opportunity to face reality, the knowledge they are teaching might not catch up with the new era. For instance, a teacher of chemical engineering might have been teaching a method to produce a chemical for twenty years. During these twenty years however, new methods and procedures have been adopted and he may not have heard about it, resulting in out-of-date knowledge taught in class. To avoid this, it is reasonable to ask them to have relevant experiences in those professions.
    After all, what is the purpose of education? Martin Luther King had once said “Higher education must train for intensive, resolute and independent thinking”. The saying is used to point out that the ability to think is more important than the knowledge gained in university. The knowledge is changing rapidly, and all we have learned in university will go out of date one day. The only way to keep ourselves competitive is to own the ability to think and learn. Through these abilities, we can inform us of the latest knowledge and will never be eliminated in this age of information. Therefore more emphasis should be placed on training the thinking abilities of students instead of conveying them more up-to-date knowledge.
    In sum, this measure is definitely of no use for theoretical disciplines and might not come into effect for applied disciplines either. More important, it is the ability to think independently that an individual can remain competitive in society, and this measure does not simply march on the right way. Therefore, this measure had better not be carried out.

请楼下务必狠拍，谢~

Milk1303UID：2596662

86# figuechen

This（貌似用There妥当点，不确定，只是读起来有点不舒服）is nowhere morepresumptuous and utilitarian than the assertion that all faculty should spendtime working outside the academic world in order to raise the quality ofuniversity education. There lies disparity in different disciplines. Fortheoretical disciplines, the measure is of no use（of no use 感觉怪怪，或者可以说almost uselss）; even (个人觉得用as比较不会产生歧义 )for applied disciplines,the measure might be useful, but I fully doubt its effectiveness.（首段观点表示的很清晰）

    This measure aims at raising the quality of all faculty so thatstudents may combine theory into practice. What is dubious is that not alldisciplines require a combination of theory and practice. The author fails totake the disparities between these two kinds of disciplines into consideration.（进一步阐述了一下开头段里具体学科具体分析的想法，如果可以的话，这段揉进开头段里也是可行的，当然这样可以更鲜明的告诉读者你接下来的展开）

    On one hand, disciplines such as physics and philosophy, aredefined as theory subjects where their goal is the exploration in theory（用exploring简洁些）. The work of these subjectsperforms as the basis of applied disciplines and helps improve our societyindirectly. It is not necessary for faculty to finish such task since noenhancement will be accomplished. Doing experiments or brainstorming is allthey require in their work, and laboratory or a room is enough for them, andsuch enforcements will do little more than interrupting their daily routines.Take Kant, the great philosopher, for example, he has stayed in his hometownfor all his life. As a philosopher, he has worked as a professor in an academyand has never had such "relevant professions". However, his theorywas impressive and pushed the world of philosophy forward.（这例子的人还可以，kant挺能说明问题的，但是由于题目要分析教学质量，所以最好能说下他教课也很好，而不只是说他很有成就）
Anotherexample is Einstein and his theory of relativity. It is well known thatEinstein worked out this tremendous theory when he was a patent clerk. Neverhad he taken the profession relevant to physics before he made this greatcontribution to the human being.（和上面一个有同样的问题，E伟大不能真正说明他不作相关的工作也把课教的好） From these two examples,we can claim that this measure is no more than a compromise to utilitarian. （一下子说到功利感觉有点跳跃。。。）It will not bring anybenefit to the teachers, not to mention students.
On the other hand, disciplines such as economy and engineering, are appliedsubjects and therefore there exists the need to combine theory with practice.In these subjects, theory is concluded from the practice and changes with thepractice. The old knowledge will go out of date if it has not been updatedfrequently. Since faculty working at universities seldom has the opportunity toface reality, the knowledge they are teaching might not catch up with the newera. For instance, a teacher of chemical engineering might have been teaching amethod to produce a chemical for twenty years. During these twenty yearshowever, new methods and procedures have been adopted and he may not have heardabout it, resulting in out-of-date knowledge taught in class. To avoid this, itis reasonable to ask them to have relevant experiences in those professions. （论点和论据都挺到位的。论据能支持。）
   After all, what is the purpose of education? Martin Luther King had oncesaid “Higher education must train for intensive, resolute and independentthinking”. The saying is used to point out that the ability to think is moreimportant than the knowledge gained in university. The knowledge is changingrapidly, and all we have learned in university will go out of date one day. Theonly way to keep ourselves competitive is to own the ability to think andlearn. Through these abilities, we can inform us of the latest knowledge andwill never be eliminated in this age of information. Therefore more emphasisshould be placed on training the thinking abilities of students instead ofconveying them more up-to-date knowledge. （这段的中心是critical thinking 才是大学教育的本质，论证也是贴切的，可是，老师去外面工作带来一些实际的知识感觉和教会我们critical thinking并不相冲，不是说老师出去掌握些实际趋势就减弱了他叫我们critical thinking 的能力了，纯属个人的意见。。。。
）
   In sum, this measure is definitely of no use for theoretical disciplinesand might not come into effect for applied disciplines either. More important,it is the ability to think independently that an individual can remaincompetitive in society, and this measure does not simply march on the rightway. Therefore, this measure had better not be carried out.（楼主的观点很鲜明，只是感觉有些论据不够支持论点，可能楼主把观点稍微柔和些，不要全盘的否定会使得论证更容易些，毕竟这个命题还是同意论起来方便些，我自己就是这样的，当然这只是我的意见）
我自己写的也不好，所以改的水平也比较有限，可能达不到楼主的期望。。。不过实在是尽力了。

Milk1303UID：2596662

Issue 130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
观点：孩子社会化的程度的确决定了社会的命运，但是我们有适合他们的教育办法来创造更好的社会。
论点：1.现今孩子们不同的社会化方式将会决定我们日后社会更科技电子化的命运。
      2.但是不同意作者的第二点。我们还是有开发出好的教育方式的。
      3.这些孩子们事实上在建立一个更好的社会。


The speaker’s assertion based on the ground that the way children are socialized determines the future society. I agreed with that premise but can’t hold the same view on his conclusion. In fact, we have transformed our traditional way of education to suit the new generation. And the children have proved us they have accomplished a better society as well.

Considering the vastly different way our children being socialized today, we might facing face a world characterized by their social symbols in the near future time to come. When we define socialize as the process of receiving social norms, ideology and customs, we find the young generation has been inherited them more from the technology device than the traditional medium like parents, teachers and paper back reading materials. They depend on the online social networks website, instant message and digital cell phones to communicate and obtain the information. Video games and graphic images have played a predominant role in their daily context, along with their ostensible appetite for visualized language. Thus, when those digital natives grown mature and master the world, it is sensible that we might live in a society embrace the multimedia and immediate visualized communal way of life. As a matter of fact, that flavor trend has already overwhelmed in every aspect.

However, I can’t apply the concluding issue about we haven’t find a way to raise our children to create a better society. For the first basis, it’s quite arguable to deny the efficiency of our education method. Many evidences have indicated that schools have introduced technology way of teaching and received some positive feedback. Video games like Click Health and Fast Forward have demonstrated a revolutionary way of teaching and learning. Students playing those real-life games with a stronger concentration than traditional learning ways, most importantly, they master the knowledge of diabetes from Click Health and US and Canada demography from Fast Forward unnoticed while playing. Actually, this inspired education way has already gone deep into today’s education curriculum, teachers utilize the new media to irrigate the basic knowledge into children’s heart.

Moreover, empirical observation has convinced me that most of children are creating a better society in so far, especially when we regard a better society as people caring and sharing views freely on the international issue, as well as showing conscience and commitment on environment protection. Firstly, to those young generation, instant message has provide them a platform to communicate and discuss about the foreign affair in a liberate condition. We see people using these websites and technology tools to collect donation while the catastrophe earthquake happened in Haiti. Online video showed the concerned situation there, and people all over the world offered their help through the both real and internet life.

Secondly, when we were facing the danger of industrial pollution and global warming, youngsters and compassionate children has showed their dedication to a greener world. People are proud of being the volunteer of Non-governmental organizations like Greenpeace and World Wide Fund for Nature (WWF), to order their help for the wild life and world environment.

In sum, I believe that the world we live in will turn into a cyber-friendly community full of visualize language, for the preference show in children’s socialization. But the educator and teachers has been adjusted their classic tutoring method to suit these trend, and the behavior like bring in the video game into study has generate a encouraging view. As to the concern for a better society, those people who demonstrate a great heart in supporting other country and regard the environment problem as the crucial one that belongs to everyone in the world have already proved their devotion and capability to reach such goal.

希望拍的人提出中肯的意见，尤其是在观点，论点，论据方面。还有表述是否清晰，能否读懂。二战。。。以前吃过大亏。

费话先生UID：2788924

The speaker’s assertion based on the ground that the way children are socialized determines the future society. I agreed with that premise but can’t hold the same view on his conclusion. In fact, we have transformed our traditional way of education to suit the new generation. And the children have proved us they have accomplished a better society as well. 开头蛮好的，而且并符合题意的。看到这一段，大概我知道有三个点要写：第一是对premise的赞同，第二是我们已经开始转变教育模式，第三从效果上看，孩子证明他们带来了更好的社会
)

Considering the vastly different way our children being socialized today, we might facing face（删掉前面facing） a world characterized by their social symbols in the near future time to come. When we define socialize as the process of receiving social norms, ideology and customs, we find the young generation has been inherited them more from the technology device than the traditional medium like parents, teachers and paper back reading materials. They depend on the online social networks website, instant message and digital cell phones to communicate and obtain the information. Video games and graphic images have played a predominant role in their daily context, along with their ostensible appetite for visualized language. Thus, when those digital natives grown mature and master the world, it is sensible that we might live in a society embrace the multimedia and immediate visualized communal way of life. As a matter of fact, that flavor trend has already overwhelmed in every aspect.

However, I can’t apply the concluding issue about we haven’t find a way to raise our children to create a better society. For the first basis, it’s quite arguable to deny the efficiency (merits 会更好)of our education method. Many evidences have indicated that schools have introduced technology way（科学的方法？技术方法？introduced technology into teaching） of teaching and received some positive feedback. Video games like Click Health and Fast Forward have demonstrated a revolutionary way of teaching and learning. Students playing those real-life games with a stronger concentration than traditional learning ways, most importantly, they master the knowledge of diabetes from Click Health and US and Canada demography from Fast Forward unnoticed while playing. Actually, this inspired education way has already gone deep into today’s education curriculum, teachers utilize the new media to irrigate the basic knowledge into children’s heart.

Moreover, empirical observation has convinced me that most of children are creating a better society in so far, especially when we regard a better society as people caring and sharing views freely on the international issue, as well as showing conscience and commitment on environment protection. Firstly, to those young generation, instant message has provide them a platform to communicate and discuss about the foreign affair in a liberate condition. We see people using these websites and technology tools to collect donation while the catastrophe earthquake happened in Haiti. Online video showed the concerned situation there, and people all over the world offered their help through the both real and internet life.
这段看到我怎么觉得像科技给孩子带来了什么。。。而不是孩子给社会带来了什么。。。。。

Secondly, when we were facing the danger of industrial pollution and global warming, youngsters and compassionate children has showed their dedication to a greener world. People are proud of being the volunteer of Non-governmental organizations like Greenpeace and World Wide Fund for Nature (WWF), to order their help for the wild life and world environment.

In sum, I believe that the world we live in will turn into a cyber-friendly community full of visualize language, for the preference show in children’s socialization. But the educator and teachers has been adjusted their classic tutoring method to suit these trend, and the behavior like bring in the video game into study has generate a encouraging view. As to the concern for a better society, those people who demonstrate a great heart in supporting other country and regard the environment problem as the crucial one that belongs to everyone in the world have already proved their devotion and capability to reach such goal.
版友你好：
   我发表个人愚见了哈。。。我语法不咋地，逻辑还可以。。。。不过也是我自己的看法，不一定准哈。。。
   第一，就从开头来说，我觉得你大概是要讨论三个点的，第一是对premise的赞同，第二是我们已经开始转变教育模式，第三从效果上看，孩子证明他们带来了更好的社会。然后在后面的行文中，第一点的阐述孩子的社会化方式带来了一个电子化社会，这一段我的感觉是很绕，可以把词汇有些换成简单词，感觉太文绉绉了，不流畅，部分句子要核实下不一定对哦。从纯观众的角度来看，若不是我看了中文提纲，我没有catch到第一段的意图。第一句ts很抽象，我看了很久不明白什么叫社会符号social symbol第二点的论证主要是我们用了新的技术如网络什么的，让学生收到很好的效果。这一段是我觉得最切合题目，而且论证最清晰的一段，例子也很不错。第三点从效果角度切题，但是我看完之后，最大体会不是孩子为海地地震捐款多么有利于better society, 反而觉得是我们的社会多好多好，让我们的孩子有很好的条件去做好事。。以下就是那个比较有偏题嫌疑的段落：instant message has provide them a platform to communicate and discuss about the foreign affair in a liberate condition. We see people using these websites and technology tools to collect donation while the catastrophe earthquake happened in Haiti. Online video showed the concerned situation there, and people all over the world offered their help through the both real and internet life. 之后的那个段落还不错，切题。
   第二， 语言，我不太清楚版友的自身状况，如果版友英语底子很好，比较有自信这些句子是贴近的话，我觉得那就可以采取这种文风，否则的话还是把它变得通俗易懂，流畅些好。比如那个empirical observation，意思就是凭自己经验观察的意思（不知道我理解对了没），虽然中文是这样，但换成英文我觉得就学术论文会这么写。为什么不能直接observation呢？我看版友的文章还是蛮辛苦的，有时候catch不到意思，太多抽象词，要意会。
   第三，我觉得第三个论点的例子就应该纵横捭阖地放在一起，写孩子捐款，赈灾，志愿者，也可以写孩子更包容，思想开放，孩子关注环境。加强印象。
   总的来说，最大的问题是，偏题还是不会的，但是纯观众角度来说，我觉得语言上需要好好研究下，我觉得是蛮辛苦的，用了一些很抽象，去之亦可的词汇。论证的话，提纲第三点需要加强。

费话先生UID：2788924

TOPIC: ISSUE153 - "Students should bring a certain skepticism to whatever they study. They should question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively."
WORDS: 538         TIME: 00:39:42          DATE: 2010-7-20 11:06:38

    Skepticism, broadly defined, is an attitude of incredibility towards everything including a general theory or a specific object. The author claims that every student should hold such an attitude toward what they study in daily's education. I agree with what the author says since skepticism can stimulate a student's interests in studying, encourage him to innovate and think independently.
Students who hold a certain skepticism to study will have more incentives to study and more likely to discuss with teacher. When students start to doubt what the teacher tells to them, they will try to collect information to verify the validity of the teacher's argument afterwards. Through this procedure, they can have a better mastery of knowledge and are more likely to find their favorite field. On the contrary, those who used to accept no matter what the teacher teaches to them have few incentives to rebel the existing theories, so they feel needless to search for more knowledge voluntarily. Additionally, those students who are so full of skepticism incline to debate or discuss with teacher, which further arouse their inspiration and exploratory spirit in turn, In short, due to the strong incentive to doubt whether the teachers are right and the discussions with teachers, the students will devote themselves in study more and better understand what they learn..
  Another obvious advantage is that skepticism can encourage students to innovate and think independently. As we all know, skepticism is one of the best impetus to the innovation in one's study. For example, a student who has a skepticism attitude towards the solution on a social issue may try to find the most suitable way he thinks to solve or improve it. Through the procedure of improving and correcting the existing defects, the students learn how to think independently and innovate. Both the creativity and the critique thinking will be quite beneficial to one's future work or further research. Also, due to our students' innovation and critique thinking, the current wrongs can be corrected instead of repeat in the future.
   Many people would hold a strong opposition to the opinion from two aspects. The first reason is that the skepticism may lead the class into a situation of disordered. However, the disordered class to a large measure is more easily inspire students' critique thinking and stimulate the interests than an ordered class since the above reasons. The second reason may be that it is not proper for students, especially young students, to doubt everything since they do not have enough ability. But such opinion overlooks the real spirit of skepticism. Skepticism does not mean that a student should deny everything that other tell him. In fact, skepticism is something that encourages you to ask question and explain the question resting on his independent critique thinking rather than an authority's thinking. So, even if students are young and have pretty limited knowledge, students can also benefits a lot from the procedures of collecting information and demonstrating his ideas. A student is allowed to be unfamiliar with Goldbach’s conjecture; but it is rather a pity that he never doubts why one plus one really equates two.
   Overall, we should encourage our students to hold certain skepticism in their daily study. The original goal of education is to help a student find his interested field and obtain his goal based on his own independent thinking and own ability. A famous educational professor once said: when people are over thirty years old, most of them will forget ninety percent of what they have ever learned in university. So the most lasting advantage for education is to teach a student how to think himself and make judgment. From the angle, why should we oppose our students to doubt the existing knowledge?