1010G零散版友作文互改帖（Issue）

逍遥猫UID: 2851230

:$:$:$

tracyrongyiUID: 2842378

再来发自己的
我那个diction and syntax 很有问题 大家觉得佶屈聱牙都是非常正常的事 因为自己也在头痛中
狠命的pai

TOPIC: ISSUE226 - "People are mistaken when they assume that the problems they confront are more complex and challenging than the problems faced by their predecessors. This illusion is eventually dispelled with increased knowledge and experience."
WORDS: 597
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010/8/12/星期四 0:28:43

I totally disagree with the opinion that "people face more problems and challenges than their predecessors is an illusion".
On the contrary, it is the truth and this phenomenon will exist even knowledge and experience becoming adequate and abundant in our society.

First, we are living in a different time from our forefathers who cannot expect to live such a life as we do centuries ago. However, modern life does not only mean fancy clothes , fashionable gadgets, cutting edge technologies and other colorful scenes. What has been hidden under the mask of ostentation lies in loneliness and helplessness.

Loneliness has been claimed as one of the common illness that plagued nearly everyone living in modern times. More pressures from work, home, and peers make one vulnerable and weak, which are several times severe and heavier than the physical burden suffered by our predecessors. An example is not very far to seek, in the old days, people can hug and chat together freely, without any leery eyes or guard. But nowadays, a wealthy life has built a castle in which individuals stay alone, yauping their loneliness but afraid of stepping out because they have got used to the insular life and lose their ability of trusting and being straightforward. In some degree, it is a hurdle for contemporaries that predecessors have never come across.

Our predecessors may drive home to helplessness, but with a less degree of tortures. Years ago, people often moaned about life qualities, since a life expectancy of 50 years may be a dream for all. Most of them suffered from hungry and lived a miserable life. Trampling by their masters, being sold to others and losing relatives, being an illiteracy may be a common case for common people. Freedom, what we cherish in our constitution, may be forbidden to pariahs, and consequently, desperation sneaked its way into the quotidian life. Hundreds years later, some problems are still rooted in culture and society, some even jeopardized. In some places, people are inflicted with a warfare , losing everything except his or her abated life. What's more, people are tend to be "Neo-luddite" as the all-pervading technology forces, which are capable of "rewiring" neural circuitry of our brains and robbing one's concentration, reflection, and contemplation. In this situation, people lost their animated lives not because of physical surroundings but coerced by an invisible force, which the predecessors cannot experience either.

While the general trend of civilization harbors this technological boost, this miserable scene of loneliness and helplessness would remain, no matter knowledge and experience accelerate or not. The reasons would be stated one by one.

On the one hand, the panacea for human ills is not knowledge itself. We are blessed with abound of information and technology. But we are pale and helpless when facing a staggering amount of new inventions as we don't know how to make a good use of them. Numerous netizens become addictive to PC games and lost themselves in reality is a good example to aptly illustrate this quandary .
The only way out is to change our mind and attitudes toward this knowledge-expulsion era. Each day, grasping a number of knowledge and make sure one can digest it and assimilate it well, then, a sense of fulfillment would be successfully established. And step by step, people would regain their confidence and power.

In conclusion, we are never and will not live a easier life compared to our predecessors in terms of loneliness and helplessness. And this situation would be remained until people are well-armed both physically and psychologically.
240# tracyrongyi

hoopchinaUID: 2875857

234楼，童鞋们帮个忙改下吧 谢谢

雨馨UID: 2765070

非常非常抱歉，以为自己有时间能帮你改的，我明天就考试了，晚上回来一定会改完的

kftUID: 2842647

TOPIC: ISSUE226 - "People are mistaken when they assume that the problems they confront are more complex and challenging than the problems faced by their predecessors. This illusion is eventually dispelled with increased knowledge and experience."
WORDS: 597
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010/8/12/星期四 0:28:43

I totally disagree with the opinion that "people face more problems and challenges than their predecessors is an illusion".
On the contrary, it is the truth and this phenomenon will exist even knowledge and experience becoming adequate and abundant in our society. 这句话读得很不顺，你再看一下，是你的问题还是我的问题。ETS有要求要表达清晰的，我觉得不好表达的时候可以换短句，我的体验是长句让我很容易把别人说晕。曾经看到一个同学的文章里有个80个词的句子，彻底晕了…

First, we are living in a different time from our forefathers who cannot expect to live such a life as we do centuries ago. However, modern life does not only mean fancy clothes , fashionable gadgets, cutting edge technologies and other colorful scenes. What has been hidden under the mask of ostentation lies in loneliness and helplessness.

Loneliness has been claimed as one of the common illness that （plagued nearly everyone living in modern times）. More pressures from work, home, and peers make one vulnerable and weak, （which are several times severe and heavier than） the physical burden suffered by our predecessors. An example is not very far to seek, in the old days, people can hug and chat together freely, without any leery eyes or guard. But nowadays, a wealthy life has built a castle in which individuals stay alone, （yauping their loneliness but afraid of stepping out） because they 【have】 got used to the insular life and 【lose】 their ability of trusting and being straightforward（ability of trusting 是不是有点中式英语的味道）. In some degree, it is a hurdle for contemporaries that predecessors have never come across.

Our predecessors may (drive home to helplessness), but with a less degree of tortures. Years ago, people often moaned about life qualities, since (a life expectancy of 50 years )may be a dream for all. Most of them suffered from hungry and lived a miserable life. Trampling by their masters, being sold to others and losing relatives, being an illiteracy may be a common case for common people. Freedom, what we cherish in our constitution, may be forbidden to pariahs, and consequently, desperation sneaked its way into the quotidian life. Hundreds years later, some problems are still rooted in culture and society, some even jeopardized. In some places, people are inflicted with a warfare , losing everything except his or her abated life. What's more, people are tend to be "Neo-luddite" as the all-pervading technology forces, which are capable of "rewiring" neural circuitry of our brains and robbing one's concentration, reflection, and contemplation. In this situation, people lost their animated lives not because of physical surroundings but coerced by an invisible force, which the predecessors cannot experience either.

上面两段从用词和句子结构上显得很好啊，但是有些地方感觉表达不明确，当然不排除是我看不懂的原因，但你看ETS范文都很好懂，有很多地方时态等有问题，用括号括出，也不一一括出了。

While the general trend of civilization harbors this technological boost, this miserable scene of loneliness and helplessness would remain, no matter knowledge and experience accelerate or not. The reasons would be stated one by one.

On the one hand, the panacea for human ills is not knowledge itself. We are blessed with abound of information and technology. But we are pale and helpless when facing a staggering amount of new inventions as we don't know how to make a good use of them. Numerous netizens become addictive to PC games and lost themselves in reality is a good example to aptly illustrate this quandary .
The only way out is to change our mind and attitudes toward this knowledge-expulsion era. Each day, grasping a number of knowledge and make sure one can digest it and assimilate it well, then, a sense of fulfillment would be successfully established. And step by step, people would regain their confidence and power.

In conclusion, we are never and will not live a easier life compared to our predecessors in terms of loneliness and helplessness. And this situation would be remained until people are well-armed both physically and psychologically

总觉得这篇文章的逻辑不够连贯，结尾草草收笔了感觉不够好，其实和倒数第二好好合并一下会显得更充实。强烈建议熟读ETS的范文。我认为一定要做好两个工作：怎样表达清自己的意思和怎样使文章很有逻辑。

kftUID: 2842647

上文回复242楼  Tracy 同学

kftUID: 2842647

希望有好心人也帮我找一下这个文章的致命问题

"Our declining environment may bring the people of the world together as no politician, philosopher, or war ever could.  Environmental problems are global in scope and respect no nation's boundaries.  Therefore, people are faced with the choice of unity and cooperation on the one hand or disunity and a common tragedy on the other."


Once a speech gave by Albert Gore, An Inconvenient Truth, left me a deep impression. Environmental problems, especially the global warming has already out of the boundaries of one country. Actually, they are threading the survive of the whole human. Almost every one who cares about the environment ever dreamt a thorough combination of the world, a world knitted by the common problem and forgot the conflictions and wars. However, dream is dream but reality is reality. Though more people came to realize how serious the problem is becoming, but more interest need of government has distracted the attention.

This is an old saying. Put a frog in the cool water and heat the water gradually, the frog won't realize what the danger until it has been too late for it to jump out of the hot water. On the contrary, if we put another one into the hot water, it will realize the serious of danger and jump out immediately. We, human, may be smarter than the frog but also make the same mistake. For sometimes, we, even the clever politicians are lack of such long-term view. They just focus on whether their plans can make more profit, whether the state interest will be influenced, whether they can help increase the GDP and whether they can meet interest of a part of people because they need to ensure their government. They ignored the excessive hacking of original fox, the no limited generation of carbon dioxide; they ignored the advices from the economist. Since the discussion between China and America was broken on diminishing discharge of carbon dioxide from cars, the heart of the world was cold. Yes, they both have their own reasons, they both rebuke others' responsibility. However, ironically, they both did nothing.

Maybe the cooperation of the whole world will be a dream until the world came to its end, like the film The Day After Tomorrow has showed us. Only on that day, the world maybe truly have no politician, philosopher for the world has already been covered with water and countries disappeared for ever. On that day, will our brave politicians still pay attention to how to arise their GDP?

It's true that there will be only two choices before us, unity and cooperation or disunity and a common tragedy. Thanks to people like Gore, for he is trying his best to make more and more people realize the problem. Maybe the politicians still need a long term to change their attitudes, but I believe in public's power. History of human will not be determined by a part of people, with the cognation of public, I think, we can change the history because it will the public who determines the politicians eventually.

kftUID: 2842647

自己顶一下
怎么自从我来了以后
这个帖子就没人来了呢！！！

Milo1990UID: 2771786

诶，貌似没有人玩接龙了