1010G零散版友作文互改帖（Issue）

追梦小木耳UID：2781857

    Skepticism, broadly defined, is an attitude of incredibility towards everything including a general theory or a specific object. 开头定义很好，但是下文完全与此无关The author claims that every student should hold such an attitude toward what they study in daily's education. 重复原题没有意义。I agree with what the author says since skepticism can stimulate a student's interests in studying, encourage him to innovate and think independently.


Students who hold a certain skepticism to study will have more incentives to study and are more likely to discuss with teachers. 一上来就说质疑的好处，很唐突。真的所有的学生只要怀有质疑的态度就都能够积极学习了吗？When students start to doubt what the teacher tells to them, they will try to collect information to verify the validity of the teacher's argument afterwards. Through this procedure, they can have a better mastery of knowledge and are more likely to find their favorite field. On the contrary, those who used to accept no matter what whatever the teacher teaches to them have few incentives to rebel the existing theories, so they feel needless to search for more knowledge voluntarily. Additionally, those students who are so full of skepticism incline to debate or discuss with their teacher, which further arouse their inspiration and exploratory spirit in turn, In short, due to the strong incentive to doubt whether the teachers are right and the discussions with teachers, the students will devote themselves in study more and better understand what they learn..


Another obvious advantage is that skepticism can encourage students to innovate and think independently. As we all know, skepticism is one of the best impetus to the innovation in one's study. For example, a student who has a skepticism attitude towards the solution on a social issue may try to find the most suitable way he thinks to solve or improve it. Through the procedure of improving and correcting the existing defects, the students learn how to think independently and innovate. Both the creativity and the critique thinking will be quite beneficial to one's future work or further research. Also, due to our students' innovation and critique thinking, the current wrongs can be corrected instead of being repeated in the future.


   Many people would hold a strong opposition to the opinion from two aspects. The first reason is that the skepticism may lead the class into a situation of disordered. However, the disordered class to a large measure is more easily inspire students' critique thinking and stimulate the interests than an ordered class since because of (since 后加句子，不能跟名词)the above reasons. The second reason may be is(你前面都说有两个原因了，就不用maybe了吧) that it is not proper for students, especially young students, to doubt everything since they do not have enough ability.（什么样的能力呢？质疑需要学生具备什么样的能力呢？） But such opinion overlooks the real spirit of skepticism. Skepticism does not mean that a student should deny everything that other tell him. In fact, skepticism is something that encourages you to ask question and explain the question resting on his independent critique thinking rather than an authority's thinking.（定义很好，建议放在文章之前）
So, even if students are young and have pretty limited knowledge, students can also benefits a lot from the procedures of collecting information and demonstrating his ideas.前面说年龄小不能质疑所有的东西，这里又说可以从质疑中学会。。。那么到底什么该质疑什么不该质疑呢？） A student is allowed to be unfamiliar with Goldbach’s conjecture; but it is rather a pity that he never doubts why one plus one really equates two.
  
Overall, we should encourage our students to hold certain skepticism in their daily study. The original goal of education is to help a student find his interested field and obtain his goal based on his own independent thinking and own ability. A famous educational professor once said: when people are over thirty years old, most of them will forget ninety percent of what they have ever learned in university. So the most lasting advantage for education is to teach a student how to think himself and make judgment. From the angle, why should we oppose our students to doubt the existing knowledge?结尾要是想说明教育的意义、作用，以及和质疑的关系，不如放在开头；要是想总结前文，就不要只说质疑的好处，而完全忽视你那些对坏处的让步，感觉你的观点就是同意学生应该质疑所有知识一样

我觉得作者还是知道定为关键词的。但你只是在开头给了定义。然后就开始说好处和坏处，最后说到坏处，觉得难自圆其说了，就再给关键词——怀疑主义一个限制。

我认为既然你既然有自己对关键词的理解判断，不如再开头就提出来，说说为什么学生会对知识产生质疑，跟有效的教育有什么关系，围绕它展开观点。质疑为什么好呢，因为符合有效的教育的标准。为什么不好呢，因为违背了教育的标准等等。而关于是不是所有的知识都应该质疑，也可以从学生产生质疑的原因中找到答案。

我的思路：
完全同意题目，学生应该对所有所学知识产生质疑。
（1）
什么是怀疑主义，为什么学生会产生怀疑？
怀疑就是对接受的知识不相信，要发掘错误，通过自己的验证证实是否正确。由于知识更新、一些专家的权威难以挑战等原因，所学的知识不一定都是正确的，因此会产生质疑
（2）
对哪些知识需要质疑？ 所有学的都要质疑。老师传授的知识可能只是一家之言，是凭经验得出的结论，可能不能应用于实践。书本上的理论也有谬误。
（3）
质疑也教会我们看待问题、思考问题的方法
（4）
不加质疑就难以创新。

追梦小木耳UID：2781857

今天写个超高频，请指教

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 389 final: 701         TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2010-7-21 15:00:36

I totally agree with the statement that how children are socialized nowadays do determine the future society. However, we can not teach students to be socialized. It is the environment they grow up in and the education they receive, as well as their own character that determine how children are socialized and the destiny of society.

As society develops, education has become accessible for more and more people, leading to severe competition, which calls for cooperative works. The high-tech times is also filled with information and choices, which calls for dependent mind and creative ideals. As a consequence, children who are socialized need to be creative, have independent thought and know how to cooperate with others. Only with these abilities can they be accustomed to society, realize their own goals, and make contributions to society.

However, these qualities that a socialized child has can not be taught by parents or teachers. What parents and teachers could do is to provide suitable environment and education. It is themselves who learn these qualities in their growth.  As a parent or teacher, one can impart knowledge and skills, can teach them to tell right from wrong, but hardly can he teach the children ability of independent thought, creation or cooperation. One reason is that these capabilities are formed through long time practice rather than from a book or a course. For instance, the teacher could teach the student how to paint but she can not teach him how to create a painting even if she knows every specific step, on the ground that it is the idea in one's mind that directs him to create rather than a teacher or instructor. Another reason lies in the fact that most teachers and parents themselves are not equipped with these qualities, rarely could they let the children recognized the importance of creation, independent thought and cooperation.

Although, unable to be taught, these quality could still be formed in the growth of a child. By observing the environment a child lives in, he could know what society is like and what quality is required. Through the movies with various stories, he would figure out the most attractive ones are those with stunning imagination and creation, and he would understand the gigantic worth of creation in society. Through the legends of heroes, he would find the exceptional men are always those who make the decisions rather than the ones who follow the decisions, and he would realize the significant role the independent thought plays in his life. Through playing computer games with his friends, he would learn to cooperate with others when faced with difficult situations. In this process, parents are playing the role of guides rather than instructors. They are supposed to provide open environment rather than teach children what to do.

The children are also trained to form these qualities through the education they receive. In the classes, teachers encourage them to conceive their own views toward a topic or to come up with distinct solutions toward a problem. Sometimes, students are required to finish their homework on their own, adding creative idea. Sometimes, they are required to complete a project in groups, by discussing and cooperating with other group members. During the process of education, children form the capability of creation, independent thinking and cooperation. After graduation, they are already basically socialized and are able to be competent to their positions in professional area, establishing better society.

Furthermore, children’s characters also affect the future. The character a child forms during his growth determine how he is socialized in the future. The spoiled children who have received too much focus would have difficulty being socialized. They may be too proud to cooperate others or excessively dependent on families. But this is unchangeable. Once they entered society, starting their own career, all the barricades and hardship they experienced would teach them to be socialized.

In conclusion, it is unnecessary to worry about whether we could make today's children socialized and create better society in the future. We only need to provide appropriate environment and education, during which, children would form the capability of creation, independent thinking and cooperation, become socialized gradually and lead society to good destiny.

anniehalUID：2716032

I totally agree with the statement that how children are socialized nowadays do determine the future society. However, we can not teach students to be socialized（ simply teach them socialization process）. It is the environment they grow up in and the education they receive, as well as their own characters that determine how children are socialized and the destiny of society.

As society develops, education has become accessible for more and more people, leading to a severe competition, which calls for cooperative works. The high-tech times is also filled with information and choices, which calls for (used it already, what about requires?)dependent mind and creative ideals. As a consequence, children who are socialized need to be creative, have independent thought and know how to cooperate with others. Only with these abilities can they be accustomed to society, realize their own goals, and make contributions to society.

However, these qualities that a socialized(socializing, socialized means already finished) child has can not be taught by parents or teachers. What parents and teachers could do is to provide suitable environment and education. It is themselves who learn these qualities in their growth.  As a parent or teacher, one can impart knowledge and skills, can teach them to tell right from wrong, but hardly can he teach the children ability of independent thought, creation or cooperation.(personally opinion, too many cans, it’s better to change the structure, or use be able to instead) One reason is that these capabilities are formed through long time practice rather than from a book or a course. For instance, the teacher could teach the student how to paint but she can not teach him how to create a painting even if she knows every specific step, on the ground that it is the idea in one's mind that directs him to create rather than a teacher or instructor. Another reason lies in the fact that most teachers and parents themselves are not equipped with these qualities, rarely could they let the children recognized (recognize) the importance of creation, independent thought and cooperation.

Although, unable to be taught, these quality could still be formed in the growth of a child. By observing the environment a child lives in, he could know what society is like and what quality is required. Through the movies with various stories, he would figure out the most attractive ones are those with stunning imagination and creation, and he would understand the gigantic worth of creation in society. Through the legends of heroes, he would find the exceptional men are always those who make the decisions rather than the ones who follow the decisions, and he would realize the significant role the(of) independent thought plays in his life. Through playing computer games with his friends, he would learn to cooperate with others when faced with difficult situations. In this process, parents are playing the role of guides rather than instructors. They are supposed to provide open environment rather than teach children what to do.

The children are also trained to form these qualities through the education they receive. In the classes, teachers encourage them to conceive their own views toward a topic or to come up with distinct solutions toward a problem. Sometimes, students are required to finish their homework on their own, adding creative idea. Sometimes, they are required to complete a project in groups, by discussing and cooperating with other group members. During the process of education, children form the capability of creation, independent thinking and cooperation. After graduation, they are already basically socialized and are able to be competent to their positions in professional area, establishing better society.

Furthermore, children’s characters also affect the future. The character a child forms during his growth determine how he is socialized in the future. The spoiled children who have received too much focus would have difficulty being socialized. They may be too proud to cooperate with others or excessively dependent on families. But this is unchangeable. Once they entered(?? Everyone is already in the society.) society, starting their own career, all the barricades and hardship they experienced would teach them to be socialized.

In conclusion, it is unnecessary(is it contradicte with what you talk about later??) to worry about whether we could make today's children socialized and create better society in the future. We only need to provide appropriate environment and education, during which, children would form the capability of creation, independent thinking and cooperation, become socialized gradually and lead society to good destiny.

作者的观点是不要关心如何社会化的过程，只要提供适当的教育和社会环境就可以了。
我是学社会学的。。所以这个观点理论上来说很矛盾啊。。
社会化，就是人在环境中教育，转变，从独立的个体变成社会人的过程。
所以，教育和环境都是社会化的一部分，怎么能分开来说呢。。

个人认为文章的题眼是，我们是否已经知道如何把孩子教育得更加好，使其能给我们带来更好的社会。
而不是，谁或者什么在教育孩子。关键应该在于，是否，能把孩子教育的更加好。

当然，作者从自己的观点出发，展开的还是不错的。但个人觉得，起点和关键点有写问题。。恩。
我的：
关键：我们是否掌握了如何培养孩子的方法。
观点，孩子是社会的未来，他们的教育很重要。总体上，我们知道了如何教育孩子给我们带来一个更好的社会，但又还是有一部分问题的。
A. 孩子socialization决定社会的将来。Socialization is the transformation of an independent individual to be a socialized person, involving characteristic cultivation, social skills learning, and the mastery of professional knowledge of specific field. 孩子社会化决定了整个社会的发展，社会文化，社会是否和谐，社会的科技进步发展等等。
B. 性格。1。孩子的性格培养更加open-minded, tolerant. 接受新事物，homosexual. 更加international，easier adapting to different culture. 这带来了一个开放的社会。2。教育孩子爱好和平，更加和谐的社会。3. Creative, 更多科技进步。
这些都可以带来一个更加好的社会。
C. 教育。我们也更加注重学生的全面发展的教育，不仅是indoor的，更是comprehensive， all-round的教育。这对将来的科技创新，带来更好的社会有很大的帮助。
D. 当然我们也面临一些问题。如何更好的使用新科技，让他们服务孩子的健康发展，而不失更多的side-effect，这些问题是一直在讨论的。

欢迎作者再攻击哈~

anniehalUID：2716032

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 633          TIME: 00:43:20          DATE: 2010-3-10 14:12:47

Children are regarded as the future and hope of our society. Their personalities and creativities are of vital importance to the improvement of the society and development of human being. However, it is very difficult to make a clear conclusion that whether we have or have not learned how to raise children who can help to bring us a better society, due to the difficulty of defining "better society".

There is an old Chinese saying goes that children are the flowers and hope of one country. The responsibility of building a better country is the burden of each child. The education they received determines their future development: the scientific achievements and artistic success that they will obtain. Therefore, it is paramount important for parents, teachers and even the whole country learn how to cultivate children to be open-minded, courageous, creative and kind, which are regarded as the merits of a great person. And their socialization result definitely determines the destiny of society.

However, what is the definition of a "better society", a place full of modern technologies serving mankind to enjoy a more comfortable life, or a communism country where no gap between the haves and have-nots that everyone is live happily, or a world without pollution and people are living harmoniously with all the other animals? Without the definite description of a better society, it is improper to judge whether or not we have learnt how to raise children to lead human beings into a better era.

If the better society is defined as a world equipped with a pile of modern technologies, then we might already known the skills to socialize children. As is known to all, with the development of computer technology and internet, the world changed swiftly during these three decades. We use credit card operated by E-bank instead of paper check; we have on-line tuition through internet instead of face to face classes; we chat with our friends in the internet artificial world instead of hanging out. These changes all reflect the improvement created by individuals who were children many years ago. Because of cultivating them successfully, we can enjoy the comfortable life helped by the modern technologies now.

If the communism society is the so-called better one, then we may not yet acquire the ability to raise children who are able to bring us one like that. It seems that communism was the dream of many governors, while it may just stay as a dream. Many failed tries in Denmark, German inferred that no one knows how to apply the imaginary and idealistic theory into the never-end-changing reality. Even we, the people of contemporary, do not know how to make this beautiful dream come true, how could us raise our children to successfully fulfill that?

If the better society is inferred to a cleaner land with less environment pollution, I think it is too early for us to judge whether we have educated well on the later generation about this issue. These days, many countries are concerned of this problem, and had a pile of constructive talks about it. Meanwhile, children are taught with the concept of saving water, planting trees and using less energy. It is entirely possible that the later generation will do a better job of protecting our land than what we did, or perhaps they will still just concern about their own interests and sacrifice the environment. Therefore, I think now it is too hasty to conclude that whether we have raise children well to bring about a better society that defined as a world with more satisfied environment.

With different definition of a better society, we may have several conclusions about whether we have done well on cultivating the later generation. To be honest, the better society in my mind is a no pollution and communism world with amounts of modern technology serving to bring us comfortable lives. However, to some extent, this may stay in Utopian forever.

tyarelUID：2756223

占94～实在抱歉，昨天临时有事出去了一天，中午之前一定改完


TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 633          TIME: 00:43:20          DATE: 2010-3-10 14:12:47

Children are regarded as the future and hope of our society. Their personalities and creativities are of vital importance to the improvement of the society and development of human being. However, it is very difficult to make a clear conclusion that whether we have or have not learned how to raise children who can help to bring us a better society, due to the difficulty of defining "better society".

There is an old Chinese saying goes that children are the flowers and hope of one country. The responsibility of building a better country is the burden of each child. The education they received determines their future development: the scientific achievements and artistic success that they will obtain. Therefore, it is paramount important for parents, teachers and even the whole country learn how to cultivate children to be open-minded, courageous, creative and kind, which are regarded as the merits of a great person. And their socialization result definitely determines the destiny of society.

However, what is the definition of a "better society", a place full of modern technologies serving mankind to enjoy a more comfortable life, or a communism country where no gap between the haves and have-nots that everyone is live (lives?) happily, or a world without pollution and people are living harmoniously with all the other animals? Without the definite description of a better society, it is improper to judge whether or not we have learnt how to raise children to lead human beings into a better era.

If the better society is defined as a world equipped with a pile of modern technologies, then we might already known the skills to socialize children. As is known to all, with the development of computer technology and internet, the world changed swiftly during these three decades. We use credit card operated by E-bank instead of paper check; we have on-line tuition through internet instead of face to face classes; we chat with our friends in the internet artificial world instead of hanging out. These changes all reflect the improvement created by individuals who were children many years ago. Because of cultivating them successfully, we can enjoy the comfortable life helped by the modern technologies now.

If the communism society is the so-called better one, then we may not yet acquire the ability to raise children who are able to bring us one like that. It seems that communism was the dream of many governors, while it may just stay as a dream. Many failed tries in Denmark, German inferred that no one knows how to apply the imaginary and idealistic theory into the never-end-changing reality. Even we, the people of contemporary, do not know how to make this beautiful dream come true, how could us raise our children to successfully fulfill that? (句子结构有点问题吧？2句独立句子中间没有连词？要么拆成2个句子)

If the better society is inferred to a cleaner land with less environment pollution, I think it is too early for us to judge whether we have educated well on the later generation about this issue. These days, many countries are concerned of (with) this problem, and had a pile of constructive talks about it. Meanwhile, children are taught with the concepts of saving water, planting trees and using less energy. It is entirely possible that the later generation will do a better job of protecting our land than what we did, or perhaps they will still just concern about (concern是及物动词) their own interests and sacrifice the environment. Therefore, I think now it is too hasty to conclude that whether we have raise children well to bring about a better society that defined as a world with more satisfied environment.

With different definition of a better society, we may have several conclusions about whether we have done well on cultivating the later generation. To be honest, the better society in my mind is a no pollution and communism world with amounts of modern technology serving to bring us comfortable lives. However, to some extent, this may stay in Utopian forever.

大赞，很喜欢这篇文俄，破题思路很好，文章结构清楚，语句上面看着也舒服。
我唯一能指出来的不足(可讨论，个人感觉)，就是第二段显得累赘了。我不太明白为什么还要特地画一段再去强调一下importance？首段已经引出了definition的问题了，那后面接第三段开始阐述可能的definition不就可以了？第二段显得和开头脱节了…一下子从第一段结尾的definition讨论又回到第一段的开头了。。。所以我认为还不如不要这段
第三个论点因为涉及到环境，其实可以拿“现在既有保护又存在很多问题”的现状举例凸显这个问题未来什么方向确实难以定论

tyarelUID：2756223

153 "Students should bring a certain skepticism to whatever they study. They should question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively."
153．学生们应该带着一定的怀疑态度对待所学的任何东西。他们应该质疑老师教给他们的东西，而不是被动地接受。
1.质疑帮助学生培养独立思考的能力，培养critical thinking 并且加深对于知识的理解，更好的掌握知识。
2.质疑是建立在一定的理解之上的，在质疑老师的同时，学生运用自己掌握的知识进行分析，有时候有助于学生发现自己知识系统的漏洞。
3.有时候教授给学生的“真理”并不是绝对的，学生的质疑讨论也有助于发现教学的漏洞，完善知识研究;同时，学生的质疑也有助于老师发现自己在教学中可能犯的错误。所以也应该鼓励学生在学习的时候大胆质疑。


With more concerns with their critical thinking and insightful views, students are encouraged to be skeptical to whatever during knowledge acquisition and I totally agree with that since it's not only beneficial to students themselves but also do good to knowledge.

Foremost, skepticism to knowledge instigates students to think about all their teacher illustrated to them. That means they cannot learn by rote and it will promote their passions and motivations to study. Meanwhile, it will also train their critical thinking because after the teacher provided a conclusion, they would tend to research why it could be inferred. For example, if the history teacher concluded that Confucius is the most influential thinker in China, students would supply their doubts. In order to refute their teacher's argument, they had to ponder many aspects of this issue. What are Confucius’s thoughts? Whether his works plays an irreplaceable role in today's life? Why people advocate him more than others? All of these questions would improve their ability of independently thinking and they would not adopt the habit to rely on others. In addition, those also train their innovation ability and transpire their thoughts. The training is helpful to the students since in future these capabilities will bring them more creativity and win their supervisors' appreciations.

What's more, questioning is also instrumental to students’ strengthening their knowledge hierarchy. Proper querying requires students to utilize what they master. Thus, with classmates' debating or teachers' explaining, it's effortless for students to recognize their mistakes. In short, query may be the best way to check whether a student has commanded the expertise. Still take Confucius and his influence as an example. When they obtained the conclusion from their teacher, students with questions would point out that during the Spring and Autumn Period when Confucius lived, there also existed several other well-known thinkers. Confucius may be merely one of them and actually some of them might have a better life than him. But after their teacher offered more evidence to support his or her conclusion, these students would realized their neglecting that in Han Dynasty, empires advocated Confucius most and spread his works all over the country. Moreover, since then, students were ordered to learn his works and the understanding of his thoughts became the only criterion to one's learning. So after query and consequent debate, students can find out their shortage.

Besides those mentioned above, knowledge itself also benefits from students' skepticism. Actually, truth is not absolute and it will change with human's cognition. For example, to people in ancient Greece, thunder was regarded as Zeus's weapon and owing their knowledge, that is truth. If no one doubted that, the explanation would be passed on as truth forever. But, with distrust Franklin did some research and figured out that thunder is just a natural phenomenon induced by electron. So brave questioning is the first step to dig out truth and why it must be impossible that next query from students cannot break the rule that we viewed as truth? Even the knowledge itself is correct, there may lay some problems in the methods the teacher uses or the explanation he or she gives. For instance, physical teachers sometime may instill into students that Newton's rules are definitely true and not mention Einstein and his quantum mechanics. However the fact is that classic mechanics is inappropriate under some circumstances. If students can question about that, teacher will find his mistake and will not cause students' wrong concepts about that.

All in all, students can learn more from skepticism and it's also a good way to check the content teachers taught. With such advantages, I cannot find any reason preventing students from questioning what they are taught.

谢谢lx～

b6ppUID：2770374

对96楼的修改

请注意：存在问题的部分加了下划线，修改意见用方括号“【】”红字标出。
153 "Students should bring a certain skepticism to whatever they study. They should question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively."
153．学生们应该带着一定的怀疑态度对待所学的任何东西。他们应该质疑老师教给他们的东西，而不是被动地接受。
1.质疑帮助学生培养独立思考的能力，培养critical thinking 并且加深对于知识的理解，更好的掌握知识。
2.质疑是建立在一定的理解之上的，在质疑老师的同时，学生运用自己掌握的知识进行分析，有时候有助于学生发现自己知识系统的漏洞。
3.有时候教授给学生的“真理”并不是绝对的，学生的质疑讨论也有助于发现教学的漏洞，完善知识研究;同时，学生的质疑也有助于老师发现自己在教学中可能犯的错误。【这部分内容似可另立一段】所以也应该鼓励学生在学习的时候大胆质疑。

With more concerns with their critical thinking and insightful views, students are encouraged to be skeptical to whatever during knowledge acquisition and I totally agree with that since it's not only 【角度1】beneficial to students themselves but also 【角度2】do good to knowledge.【观提纲，尊作思路应是“教学相长”，下划线部分过于模糊，宜提及teacher】

Foremost, skepticism to knowledge instigates students to think about all their teacher illustrated to them. 【分论点1】That means they cannot learn by rote and it will promote their passions and motivations to study. 【分论点2】Meanwhile, it will also train their critical thinking because after the teacher provided a conclusion, they would tend to research why it could be inferred. 【对分论点2的论证】For example, if the history teacher concluded that Confucius is the most influential thinker in China, students would supply their doubts. In order to refute their teacher's argument【学生们的目的是不是不太纯。。。建议改为“一旦学生开始怀疑老师的argument”的意思，以突出怀疑到critical thinking的过程】, they had to【+进行critical thinking，然后+】ponder many aspects of this issue. What are Confucius’s thoughts? Whether his works plays an irreplaceable role in today's life? Why people advocate him more than others? 【请注意，这几个问题并不是critical thinking的对象，而是有了critical thinking之后思考的过程，所以我才写了有上上条建议，这样思路就顺了：怀疑--critical thinking--提出问题--加深对知识理解。】All of these questions would improve their ability of independently thinking and they would not adopt the habit to rely on others. In addition, those also train their innovation ability and transpire their thoughts. The training is helpful to the students since in future these capabilities will bring them more creativity and【+help them】win their supervisors' appreciations.
【以上一段，论证层次不清晰。分论点1 “not learn by rote & promote their passions and motivations”未得到论证；分论点2“critical thinking”论证不充分，没有突出由skepticism到critical thinking的推导过程。】

What's more, questioning is also instrumental to students’ strengthening their knowledge hierarchy【system】. Proper querying requires students to utilize what they master. Thus, with classmates' debating or【and】teachers' explaining, it's effortless for students to recognize their mistakes. In short, query may be the best way to check whether a student has commanded the expertise. Still take Confucius and his influence as an example. When they obtained the conclusion from their teacher, students with questions would point out that during the Spring and Autumn Period when Confucius lived, there also existed several other well-known thinkers. Confucius may be merely one of them and actually some of them might have a better life than him. But after their teacher offered more evidence to support his or her conclusion, these students would realized their neglecting【neglect】that in Han Dynasty, empires advocated Confucius most and spread his works all over the country. Moreover, since then, students were ordered to learn his works and the understanding of his thoughts became the only criterion to one's learning.【+,from which we can come to the conclusion confidently that it is reasonable to regard Confucius as the most influential thinker in China】So【Therefore,】after query and consequent debate, students can find out their shortage【shortages】【+and perfect their knowledge system】.
【上一段思路总结：学习知识要理解和应用—应用过程中引起怀疑和争论—检查出自己的弱点--知识体系更完善】

Besides those mentioned above, knowledge itself also benefits from students' skepticism. Actually, truth is not absolute and it will change with【+the development of】human's cognition. For example, to people in ancient Greece, thunder was regarded as Zeus's weapon and owing their knowledge, that is【+certainly】 truth. If no one doubted that, the【this】explanation would be passed on as truth forever. But,【逗号删除，移至distrust后】 with distrust Franklin did some research and figured out that thunder is just a natural phenomenon induced by electron. So brave questioning is the first step to dig out truth and why it must【must it】 be impossible that next query from students cannot break the rule that we viewed as truth?【愚意，自此断开，另立一段】
Even【what’s more, even if】 the knowledge itself is correct, there may lay【still be】some problems in the methods the teacher uses or【and】 the explanation【explanations】 he or she gives. For instance, physical teachers sometime may instill into students that Newton's rules are definitely true and not mention Einstein and his quantum mechanics. However【加逗号】 the fact is that classic mechanics is inappropriate under some circumstances. If students can question about that,【the】 teacher will find his mistake【during teaching】and will not cause【lead to】students' wrong concepts【confusions】about that.

All in all, students can learn more from skepticism and it's also a good way to check the content【contents that】 teachers taught【结尾段总结了对学生的好处和对知识本身的好处，还是没提及对teacher教学的好处】. With such advantages, I cannot find any reason preventing students from questioning what they are taught.

不揣浅陋，请多包涵，来信请至yanghaoship@gmail.com

2010.7.22

b6ppUID：2770374

150 "Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."

There is no way around the fact that in this day and age television and the Internet (and some other modern media) have become more indispensable than before. However, when it comes to the relations between tourism and these media, I, though with some reservation, cannot agree with the speaker's claim that tourism will be obsolete since people can get more information of unfamiliar places through these modern technologies.

To begin with, if "tourism" are defined as one characterized by going to some "new" place just to see the scenery and listen to the guider's introduction, the speaker's assertion might be true in some extent. With the development of technology of television and computer connection, people today are given the ability to "see" the beautiful sceneries all around the world at home and learn a lot of knowledge about  the climates, customs, geography, etc. about other religions just sitting before the screen. Apparently, tourism must be obsolete and decrease as a result, under this circumstance.

However, I hold the view that we should define "tourism" more essentially--in terms of an overall view including our spiritual outlook--then the speaker's claim might become a dual one. Specifically, tourism is a sort of spiritual communication between the traveler and a new place rather than a poor and icy image or a word-description. For instance, one can certainly appreciate the pictures of classical architecture built in Ming dynasty via a connected computer and even scan the history of it, but what he cannot attain is the real feel of standing before the glorious palace and "touch" the history of this great dynasty, a period during which Chinese classical architecture art reached its top level. That is to say, a man without a trip to the architecture of Ming, most of us would believe, is an unfortunate victim of credulity of modern media, deprived one of the greatest opportunities of achieving a private experience about these cultural relics which is indispensable if one want to get a unique and unforgettable impression from there.

Admittedly, tourism, in some extent, is indeed experiencing a decline in terms of the time we spend on it. For example, according to a recent survey in Kaohsiung conducted by Heckman Chang, a celebrated socialist in southern Taiwan, most people (more than 70%) nowadays prefer to spend their holidays at home and less time is spent on tourism. However, this decrease results from the modern life style (instead of TV and connected computers) which gives people so much pressure that they do not have enough time to have a tour. Therefore, it is not necessarily the case that TVs and computers will lead to a decrease of tourism.

Moreover, by contrast, television and computer connections, in my viewpoint, is not only an important part of our daily life, but also a great help of tourism‘s development. Firstly, television programs tell people more about the various attracting places all around the world, so people can save much time spent in looking for tourism destinations. Secondly, computer connections will help tourists find the path, transportation, hotels, and even native guiders, without which people would waste a lot of time hunting for these proper necessities. Also from the survey I just mentioned, over half of people claim that they will not have a hard time when deciding to have a tour, which means it is more convenient and time-saving than before with the help of television and computer connection. Consequently, it is not television and computer connections per se that make tourism obsolete and we should note the positive effects of them. This is especially true when we accede to the second definition of tourism.

In sum, I would like to come to the conclusion that the speaker’s assertion is an arbitrary one. We should first be aware of what is tourism and then understand how television and computer connection can makes a contribution to enhancing tourism, instead of make it obsolete.

sucre1990UID：2619918

150 "Because of television and worldwide computerconnections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that theyhave never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."

There is no way around the fact that in this day（weird） and age television and theInternet (and some other modern media) have become more indispensable thanbefore. However, when it comes to the relations between tourism and these media（medium的复数）, I, though with some reservation（reservations）, cannot agree with thespeaker's claim that tourism will be obsolete since people can get moreinformation of unfamiliar places through these modern technologies.

To begin with, if "tourism" are definedas one characterized（characteristic） by going to some"new" place just to see the scenery and listen to the guider'sintroduction, the speaker's assertion might be true in some extent. With thedevelopment of technology of television and computer connection, people todayare given the ability to "see" the beautiful sceneries all around theworld at home and learn a lot of knowledge about  the climates,customs, geography, etc. about other religions just sitting before the screen.Apparently, tourism must be obsolete and decrease as a result, under this circumstance.

However, I hold the view that we should define"tourism" more essentially--in terms of an overall view including ourspiritual outlook--then the speaker's claim might become a dual one.Specifically, tourism is a sort of spiritual communication between the travelerand a new place rather than a poor and icy image or a word-description. Forinstance, one can certainly appreciate the pictures of classical architecturebuilt in Ming dynasty via a connected computer and even scan the history of it,but what he cannot attain is the real feel of standing before the gloriouspalace and "touch" the history of this great dynasty, a period duringwhich Chinese classical architecture art reached its top level. That is to say,a man without a trip to the architecture of Ming, most of us would believe, isan unfortunate victim of credulity of modern media, deprived one of thegreatest opportunities of achieving a private experience about these culturalrelics which is indispensable if one want to get a unique and unforgettableimpressionfrom（去掉from） there.

Admittedly, tourism, in some extent, is indeedexperiencing a decline in terms of the time we spend on it. For example,according to a recent survey in Kaohsiung conducted by Heckman Chang, acelebrated socialist in southern Taiwan, most people (more than 70%) nowadaysprefer to spend their holidays at home and less time is spent on tourism.However, this decrease results from the modern life style (instead of TV andconnected computers) which gives people so much pressure that they do not haveenough time to have a tour. Therefore, it is not necessarily the case（这个有问题） that TVs and computers willlead to a decrease of tourism.

Moreover, by contrast, television and computerconnections, in my viewpoint, is not only an important part of our daily life,but also a great help of tourism‘s development. Firstly, television programstell people more about the various attracting places all around the world, sopeople can save much time spent in looking for tourism destinations. Secondly, computerconnections will help tourists find the path, transportation, hotels, and evennative guiders, without which people would waste a lot of time hunting forthese proper necessities. Also from the survey I just mentioned, over half ofpeople claim that they will not have a hard time when deciding to have a tour,which means it is more convenient and time-saving than before with the help oftelevision and computer connection. Consequently, it is not television andcomputer connections per sethat make tourism obsolete and we should note the positive effects of them.This is especially true when we accede to the second definition of tourism.

In sum, I would like to come to the conclusionthat the speaker’s assertion is an arbitrary one. We should first be aware ofwhat is tourism and then understand how television and computer connection canmakes a contribution to enhancing tourism, instead of make it obsolete.
第一遍通读全文的感觉是想要把文章留下来，用词和造句都不错，观点也非常清晰，行文也非常的流畅。
缺点可能是其中有些拼写错误，其他真找不出来，确实不错。

sucre1990UID：2619918

208"The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."

This statement seems presumptuous that what and how the people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and their society's values. In my point, while in some respects the living styles and tradition of a people imply their attitudes and values, however, they are not when in other respects.
  
  Firstly, focusing on how and what people look and dress, some specific outward features of a culture's people surely dispose their ideas, attitudes, and values. When the people in a society are addicted in fancy dresses, the society might tend to pay much attention on indulgence and pleasure and don't care about practical functions. But on the opposite, a society will prefer a frugal way and care practicality than outlook, if the general appears in a ready-made, inexpensive clothing. And, a general preference for traditional way may indicate that this society give tradition a high status. When it comes to other respects, it is, however, not the same situation. In some places, the way people look and wear is just the method to acclimate to local unique environment. For example, the people who are in the torrid zone wear little, but it doesn't mean they are out-going but they are just to avoid heatstroke.

  Turning to the way people act, the customs    , rituals and the way of living of a culture always exposes its view about values. And taking the living styles for instance, where the society is regarded as over-consumption, there values more the comfort and convenience than beautiful environment. Where the members of the society behave in a respectful and polite manner to one another, there speaks highly of human dignity. On the contrary, however, if you feel the people all act in a rude behavior to each other, the society may hold the value that people should be self-centered and tolerance is useless. But, like people's look and dress, in other respects, it is not the case. People's behave belies their attitudes and values. The studying condition in China will prove it well. The young people now tend to study very hard, it might seem that China values knowledge very much, but in fact if they are born with wealth, most of them might prefer leisure.

  Finally, the differences between the democratic countries and oppressed ones are overlooked in the statement. In a free country, people are allowed to express their feeling and opinion. When observing their people you may be able to conclude the society values the right of individual freedom and cultural diversity. Accordingly while you look at the oppressed countries, you may get the opposite conclusion. But the truth is the society displays its conformity for the oppressor. If it were not under the monarchy, they will values freedom as well. After all the individual freedom is the goal of every human being.

  In summary, while, in some extent, the statement has merit, it generalizes unfairly. What and how people act and dress are often the responses to the necessity instead of attitudes and values. Moreover in monarchy countries, society disguises its true attitudes and values in everything.
谢谢楼下的

figuechenUID：2850619

改100L~

208"The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."

This statement seems presumptuous that what and how the people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and their society's values. In my point, while in some respects the living styles and tradition of a people imply their attitudes and values, however, they are not when in other respects.
  
  Firstly, focusing on how and what people look and dress, some specific outward features of a culture's people surely dispose their ideas, attitudes, and values. When the people in a society are addicted in fancy dresses, the society might tend to pay much attention on indulgence and pleasure and don't care about practical functions. [fancy dress为什么不是practical function呢？它漂亮，但也有实际功能呀。]But on the opposite, [两个留一个就行]a society will prefer a frugal way and care practicality than outlook, if the general appears in a ready-made, inexpensive clothing. [便宜就一定实用么？便宜不是没好货么？换个词比较好，inexpensive只能说明穷。]And, a general preference for traditional way may indicate that this society give tradition a high status. When it comes to other respects, it is, however, not the same situation. In some places, the way people look and wear is just the method to acclimate to local unique environment. For example, the people who are in the torrid zone wear little, but it doesn't mean they are out-going but they are just to avoid heatstroke.

  Turning to the way people act, the customs, rituals and the way of living of a culture always exposes its view about values. [这句话的主语是什么？如果是custom那一堆的话，貌似前面就不能配上Turning to the…，因为后者的主语必须是人]And taking the living styles for instance, where the society is regarded as over-consumption, there values more the comfort and convenience than beautiful environment. Where the members of the society behave in a respectful and polite manner to one another, [others比较好吧？]there [there？这句我没看懂]speaks highly of human dignity. On the contrary, however, if you feel the people all act in a rude behavior to each other, the society may hold the value that people should be self-centered and tolerance is useless. But, like people's look and dress, in other respects, it is not the case. People's behave belies their attitudes and values. The studying condition in China will [这里用将来时不好，用现在完成时比较好]prove it well. The young people now tend to study very hard, it [这两句中间的连接词呢？没有连接词就不能用逗号]might seem that China values knowledge very much, but in fact if they are born with wealth, most of them might prefer leisure.

  Finally, the differences between the democratic countries and oppressed ones are overlooked in the statement. In a free country, people are allowed to express their feeling and opinion. When observing their people you may be able to conclude the society values the right of individual freedom and cultural diversity. [到底哪个才是conclude的宾语？]Accordingly while you look at the oppressed countries, you may get the opposite conclusion. But the truth is the society displays its conformity for the oppressor. If it were not under the monarchy, they will values freedom as well. After all the individual freedom is the goal of every human being.

  In summary, while, in some extent, the statement has merit, it generalizes unfairly. What and how people act and dress are often the responses to the necessity instead of attitudes and values. Moreover in monarchy countries, society disguises its true attitudes and values in everything.
谢谢楼下的

语言问题能找到的错误我都直接列在文章里了，由于理解上的差异，如果有改错的话还请指正。

结构问题的话，原文的结构是从衣着以及举止两部分来评述，最后一部分写了国与国之间的区别。我个人认为这种结构不是太好，因为三个论点中互有包涵。比如衣着和举止都比较类似，所以两段内容看上去大同小异；另外衣着不同不能体现思想，不也可以用最后一段的国与国的区别来解释么？议论文中似乎最好不要出现这样的分论点结构。另外最后一部分和前面两部分缺乏联系，有生硬之感。

段落内的逻辑也需要适当加强。作者可以适当地多加一两句话把道理讲清楚。比如第一个分论点那里，作者说群众们穿得寒酸国家就崇尚节俭。这等于是用一个unwarranted claim去证明另一个claim，那为什么群众穿得寒酸但国家就崇尚节俭呢？就不可能是国家穷么？论证的时候可以考虑适当地举例说明，这样可能会更有说服力一些。

另外那个中国学生的例子，这个很别扭啊。。。不知道是确有其事呢还是作者编出来的？既没有数字也没有权威性，没什么说服力，可以考虑改加一些数字或者是说这是中国社科院做的调查之类。

一点小意见，有不妥之处还请多多指正。

figuechenUID：2850619

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

WORDS: 630          TIME: 01:00:00          DATE: 2010-7-23 10:31:47

    Admitted that socialization of children is a key factor in the destiny of society, it remains the truth that other factors also play an important role. Besides, there is no need for us to worry about the future of our children since they have been well prepared for the challenge.
    There is nowhere more true than the assertion that the fate of society relies on the socialization of children, which involves life skills such as communication abilities, analysis and thinking abilities, as well as moralities. Whatever may be said, most people maintained the idea that these skills are crucial in the fate of a society. A society is like a ship. To head for the right direction, the sailors should possess the abilities of communicating and cooperating with other sailors besides professional sailing skills. What is disappointing is that our education has placed too much emphasis on professional skills. The lack of social qualities might result in negative effects on our society because an individual who lacks such qualities might bring harmful influence on a society no matter how outstanding he could be in other aspects. For instance, a Chinese university student who has been top-graded once poured acid to the bear in a zoo in order to release his peer pressure. His behavior no doubt mirrors the necessity and urgency of socialization of children.
    However, the reasoning above does not indicate that how children are socialized will determine the fate of society. There are other decisive factors in shaping the future of a society, such as leadership and the development of technology. It is the leadership of Napoleon that had an enormous impact on the destiny of French Revolution, together with the fate of French society. It is the leadership of Martin Luther King that influenced the racial policy in the U.S. as well as the future of American society. What's more, it is the development of transportation technology that led to the globalization and affects the destiny of society. It is the appearance of information technology that brought about huge changes in the way people live, along with the fate of human society. Presumptuous it might be to claim that the destiny of society is determined by the socialization of children.
    In addition, I am confident that we have the abilities to raise children and they would be ready for the competitions in the future through their hard work. Firstly, it is human nature that parents will concern about the performance of their children. In the U.S., when it comes to the baby boomers, the former generation fully doubted whether the new generation could do well in society after having been doted for decades. However, facts prove that the baby boomers have been the mainstay of society nowadays. President Clinton and Bush, who have been baby boomers, illustrate their intelligence and faculties in leading a society. Secondly, parents are exemplary for the children. In fact, the only thing we should do is to simply commit our duties and to give them the chance to acquire the experience themselves. On one hand, as we are striving for a better society, the children will learn from us and have a high command of the sound characters we possess. On the other hand, the personal experience of children will give them their own cognition about failure and success. In this way, they will be aware of the direction that they ought to head for.
    The future of society lies in the diligence of every individual, and the socialization of children is merely a part of it. Moreover, all that we should do is to accomplish our works in society, which will exemplify the children, and to leave adequate opportunities for them to spare. After all, they will not let us down.

请务必狠拍，先谢楼下~

清水风铃_nonoUID：2809777

占楼改102

呵呵 实在不知道从哪里下手拍楼上的文了……
It must be Admitted that socialization of children is a key factor in the destiny of society. it remains the truth that other factors also play an important role.(admitted that 这个用法我本人不太熟悉，也没查到合适的例句，理解上有困难，希望查证确认这个用法。为避免歧义，可以使用although 之类的表示“尽管”的意思) Besides, there is no need for us to worry about the future of our children since they have been well prepared for the challenge. （开头阐明观点，其他方面&不用担心孩子们）
    There is nowhere more true(好用法，学习！) than the assertion that the fate of society relies on the socialization of children, which involves life skills such as communication abilities, analysis and thinking abilities, as well as moralities.（文首给出socialization的定义） Whatever may be said, most people maintained the idea that these skills are crucial in the fate of a society. A society is like a ship. To head for the right direction, the sailors should possess the abilities of communicating and cooperating with other sailors besides professional sailing skills. What is disappointing is that our education has placed too much emphasis on professional skills. The lack of social qualities might result in negative effects on our society because an individual who lacks such qualities might bring harmful(harmful 和influence 的衔接有些生硬be harmful on a society 就可以，或者用have negative influence on) influence on a society no matter how outstanding he could be in other aspects. For instance, a Chinese university（大学生用undergraduate student较为地道） student who has been top-graded（有点冗余，直接说top student就可以） once poured acid to the（a） bear in a zoo in order to release his peer pressure. His behavior no doubt mirrors the necessity and urgency of socialization of children. （硫酸泼熊释放压力和socialization的关系还差一点没点破，可以加一句表示这个学生平常不善于与人交往，因而精神压力大等说法）
    However, the reasoning above does not indicate that how children are socialized will determine the fate of society. There are other decisive（好词） factors in shaping the future of a society, such as leadership and the development of technology. It is the leadership of Napoleon that had an enormous impact on the destiny of French Revolution, together with the fate of French society. It is the leadership of Martin Luther King that influenced the racial policy in the U.S. as well as the future of American society. What's more, it is the development of transportation technology that led to the globalization and affects the destiny of society. It is the appearance of information technology that brought about huge changes in the way people live, along with the fate of human society. Presumptuous it might be to claim that（好用法） the destiny of society is determined by the socialization of children.
    In addition, I am confident that we have the abilities to raise children and they would be ready for the competitions in the future through their hard work. Firstly, it is human nature that parents will concern about the performance of their children. In the U.S., when it comes to the baby boomers, the former generation fully doubted whether the new generation could do well in society after having been doted for decades. However, facts prove that the baby boomers have been the mainstay（好词） of society nowadays. President Clinton and Bush, who have been baby boomers, illustrate their intelligence and faculties in leading a society. Secondly, parents are exemplary for the children. In fact, the only thing we should do is to simply commit our duties and to give them the chance to acquire the experience themselves. On one hand, as we are striving for a better society, the children will learn from us and have a high command of the sound characters we possess. On the other hand, the personal experience of children will give them their own cognition about failure and success. In this way, they will be aware of the direction that they ought to head for.（这一段比较清楚，说孩子们应该有能力，不用太担心）
    The future of society lies in the diligence of every individual（of individuals）, and the socialization of children is merely a part of it. Moreover, all that we should do is to accomplish our works in society, which will exemplify the children, and to leave adequate opportunities for them to spare. After all, they will not let us down.（结尾段很精练，用词很准确）


总体来说第一次就写成这样的程度实在是让在下佩服了！楼上看来在炼字上下了一番功夫的。全文观点也比较清晰（虽然不太新~）。还有各种例子（例子是亮点，敬佩楼上的知识储备。。。）
下一步就是提高句子的问题了，楼主的句子总体来说中文思路的痕迹比较明显，用词挑不出错，只是想冲击高分的话最好多看看英文的文章~~
同加油！

清水风铃_nonoUID：2809777

ISSUE50 - "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
WORDS: 423(改前)  547(改后)     TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2010/7/22 17:31:00

There are usually two kinds of instructors at college or university. Some teachers devote themselves into teaching and will be in his or her office whenever a student has problems to talk to them, whatever topic it is, while some others are very busy working outside, even famous on television, but not easily found at school except for class, unless appointed two weeks earlier. Although professors that focus into academic world tend to be more concentrate on their study and their student, as a student however, I insist that it is better for faculties to take a step out of school and work in professions relevant to the courses they teach, as long as the regular classes are not interrupted.

The beauty of science and technology, in my point of view, is in that they can be finally put into use to make our life better. It is when a theoretical discovery turns into a real product or broadens our recognition to the world and the universes we are living in, that academic research glimpse its charm. It is when Edison found doctors doing surgeries under light bulbs that he feels satisfied. One of the best ways to put the result of research into pragmatic use is to persuade faculties to work outside. If, for instance, a professor of Industrial Engineering has rich experience in operation research but the factory near the campus is troubled with low productivity, a problem directly in the professors field plus not very time consuming and he is sure to have the ability to solve it but do not bother to help the factory, the value of his studies cannot be realized, no matter how fascinated researches he does.

At the same time, faculties will be informed plenty of new information when their research is processed practically. Then, students will gain much more knowledge not only theoretically but also practically. Although most textbooks are will written and complex definitions are illustrated by examples, the best interpretation is always in the reality, not in textbooks. Students like to hear about the working experience in a hospital of a faculty when the topic of today's discussion is healthcare industry. Therefore, student will better understand the practicability of what they learn, thus the quality of education will be enhanced.

Delightfully, the faculty might also get some extra benefit from the out-of-school profession for his further research. What is more, the institution that receive the help will be able create much more value.

Yet there are few bottom lines that the faculty should not concede to. Time and labor donated to working outside must be controlled so that professors will still have enough energy in regular course teaching. Moreover, the profession and the institution he or she works in must be legal. For example knowledge of a chemistry doctor should not be used for narcotics. College and university have the oblige to supervise the professions, in order to maintain regular study at school, as well as to safeguard the legitimate rights of teachers.

Although feasibility of working outside of school depends on various disciplines, as a summary, performing a number of works outside the academic world is highly recommended, since the place the faculty works in, students of this teacher and the professors themselves will benefit.

楼下的童鞋。。。24小时之后你仍然没有再次出现，让我好伤心。。。

sucre1990UID：2619918

ISSUE50 - "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
WORDS: 423(改前)  547(改后)     TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2010/7/22 17:31:00

There are usually two kinds of instructors at college or university. Some teachers devote themselves into teaching and will be in his or her office whenever a student has problems to talk to them, whatever topic it is, while some others are very busy working outside, even famous on television, but not easily found at school except for class, unless appointed two weeks earlier. Although professors that focus into academic world tend to be more concentrate on their study and their student, as a student however, I insist that it is better for faculties to take a step out of school and work in professions relevant to the courses they teach, as long as the regular classes are not interrupted.（作者的第一段是不是模板啊？我昨天批了林外一个同学的，发现跟你的如出一辙，需要修改）

The beauty of science and technology, in my point of view, is in that they can be finally put into use to make our life better. It is when a theoretical discovery turns into a real product or broadens our recognition to the world and the universes we are living in, that academic research glimpse its charm. It is when Edison found doctors doing surgeries under light bulbs that he feels satisfied. One of the best ways to put the result of research into pragmatic use is to persuade faculties to work outside. If, for instance, a professor of Industrial Engineering has rich experience in operation research but the factory near the campus is troubled with low productivity, a problem directly in the professors field plus not very time consuming（语法错误） and he is sure to have the ability to solve it but do not bother to help the factory, the value of his studies cannot be realized, no matter how fascinated researches he does.（这几个句子可以单独划开。要不然感觉句子累赘）

At the same time, faculties will be informed plenty of new information when their research is（单复数问题） processed practically. Then, students will gain much more knowledge not only theoretically but also practically（theoretical和practical修饰的应该是knowledge而不是方式）. Although most textbooks are will written and complex definitions（are will？） are illustrated by examples, the best interpretation is always in the reality, not in textbooks. Students like to hear about the working experience in a hospital of a faculty when the topic of today's discussion is healthcare industry. Therefore, student will better understand the practicability of what they learn, thus the quality of education will be enhanced.

Delightfully, the faculty might also get some extra benefit from the out-of-school profession for his further research. What is more, the institution that receive the help will be able（be able to） create much more value.

Yet there are few bottom lines that the faculty should not concede to. Time and labor donated to working outside must be controlled so that professors will still have enough energy in regular course teaching. Moreover, the profession and the institution he or she works in must be legal. For example knowledge of a chemistry doctor should not be used for narcotics. College and university have the oblige(obligation?) to supervise the professions(监视专业？), in order to maintain regular study（用teaching更好） at school, as well as to safeguard the legitimate rights of teachers.

Although feasibility of working outside of school depends on various disciplines, as a summary, performing a number of works outside the academic world is highly recommended, since the place the faculty works in, students of this teacher and the professors themselves will benefit.（结尾段写的可能会有点误导第一句话说的是在学校外面工作取决于一些纪律，如果按照这思路应该summary的是哪些情况可以不可以，二作者却写出去工作好，感觉有点生硬）
文章的思路是清晰的，逻辑也没有问题。但语言上存在与我相同的问题，昨天一个同学给我提出他的建议说：“我的很多外交都告诉我，其实他们不喜欢长句。适当就可以来。而且我们写的长句又不精确，很容易弄巧成拙的。建议作者多看看范文什么的~恩~
长句是体现我们组织句子的能力，但不是长到让读者找不到主语阿。”
愿与作者共勉，共同进步
这个帖子上红字都不在了 ，付word文档