韩小夕的作文本~~哎，大家使劲拍……

梦的弃儿UID：2840846

7.15
People should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place.
When asked whether people should live in the city or country all life. Some people insist that moving to another place or even immigrating to another country may provide people with better job opportunities and welfare. But in my opinion, living in the city or country all life can ensure people to have a interpersonal relationship and a in-depth knowledge of the city/country culture.

First and foremost, interpersonal friendship always takes time to set up. When you first move to somewhere else, even another city beside the former one, you still will feel different; especially you will miss your friends most. When I went to America as an exchange student, it was difficult for me to fit in at first. Everyone seems like they know each other when they went to kindergarten and I feel like I’m the totally stranger. Even though after several months, I made friends with plenty of people, but it still took me a long time and our friendship is perhaps not as deep as lifetime friends, I suppose.

In addition, an increasing number of people start to realize that how important it is to identify local culture, especially in a city/country with a long history. Just imagine, if the migrants move to another place without cultural empathy, how can they suit in the city/country well? What will happen is that they will have a hard time and feel upset for the whole time. What is worse, they may move back to the place where they come from. Like in Karate Kid, Dre Paker, who moved to China with his mother, feels lonely and begs to move back to America. That is because it doesn’t feel like home in Beijing. Luckily, he met Mr. Han, who taught him kung fu and Chinese culture. But not everyone is as lucky as Dre.

To sum up, I hold the opinion that people should not easily move or immigrate around so that they can make sure of their steady interpersonal relationship and feel cultural identified.

frlenderUID：2629962

1# 梦的弃儿

When asked whether people should live in the city or country all life. Some people insist that moving to another place or even immigrating(emigrating?) to another country may provide people with better job opportunities and welfare. But in my opinion, living in the city or country all life can ensure people to have a(an) interpersonal relationship (区别的地方就没有人际关系？应该是没有广泛深入的人际关系吧) and a(an) in-depth knowledge of the city/country culture.-

First and foremost, interpersonal friendship(friendship前加interpersonal是不是有些多余~) always takes time to set up. When you first move to somewhere else, even another city beside the former one, you still will feel different; especially you will miss your friends most. When I went to America as an exchange student, it was difficult for me to fit in at first. Everyone(it) seems like they know each other when they went to kindergarten and I feel like I’m the totally stranger.（这句话改用过去时？） Even though after several months, I made friends with plenty of people, but(even though和but只能用一个吧？） it still took me a long time （to achieve this) and our friendship is perhaps not as deep as lifetime friends, I suppose.

In addition, an increasing number of people start to realize that how important it is to identify local culture, especially in a city/country with a long history. Just imagine, if the migrants move to another place without cultural empathy(好词！）, how can they suit in（改成get used to) the city/country well? What will happen is that they will have a hard time and feel upset for the whole time. What is(will be） worse, they may move back to the place where they come from. Like in Karate Kid, Dre Paker, who moved to China with his mother, feels lonely and begs to move back to America.（注意时态） That is because it doesn’t feel like home in Beijing. Luckily, he met Mr. Han, who taught him kung fu and Chinese culture. But not everyone is as lucky as Dre.

To sum up, I hold the opinion that people should not easily move or immigrate around so that they can make sure of their steady interpersonal relationship and feel cultural(ly) identified.

梦的弃儿UID：2840846

7.17
All students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not this major.
It is a widely acknowledged that all students are required to take basic science classes no matter what. Experts explain that this action can ensure all the students get basic education in all aspects. But I doubt whether it does work for all students.

First of all, people consider what they are fond of. If they has chosen to major in other subjects, that probably shows how little they are interested in science. Famous scientist, Albert Einstein, who achieved gigantic success in the theory of relativity, was never good at taking care of himself. He completely focused on the scientific studies and cared about nothing else. That made his historic and extraordinary. Similarly, if one shows great passion in what he/she is major in such as music or language, while one is required to take science classes even he/she has no use for them, they will most likely suffer to figure out problems and spend much time making efforts to them. But this just means totally wasting of time for them!

Additionally, many people believe all students need to be integrated developed. But although it is compulsory for all students to learn science even if they are not this major, few is willing and considers the classes useful. Let us suppose, if one is doing art work, what does he/she needs science for? Even when he/she purchase medicine, he/she will probably pay attention on the usage instead of the elements and substances in the medicine.

In conclusion, from my point of view, I deem that people should let students trace and discover what they have passion for and allow them to choose whether they are fond of taking science classes if they are not major in. In result, they can have more time to improve themselves and focus on their domain, which is likely to be useful in later life.

梦的弃儿UID：2840846

7.20
Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money
It is a heating topic that whether businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. Some people believe that is what businessmen only care about, while other people insist that businessmen may have their ambition and dreams to achieve. In my personal view, I hold that businessmen do not desire money only.

First of all, most of the businessmen have great ambition of their career. They first earn enough money and then they may realize their dreams of owning a hotel or restaurant. Money is seen as a result, but some time, however, money is only utilized as a duration tool to achieve the great aspirations.

Secondly, fame and reputation are probably other things businessmen are dying for. A good reputation of honesty can easily help businessmen to portray a good social image. As a result, a fine social reputation can bring businessmen friends and credit. Bill Gates is undoubtedly an extraordinary businessman, but he is also a benefactor. By donating large amount of money to help the poor, he acquired a excellent fame.

From all I mentioned above, I deem it is not only money that businessmen want to chase for. They desire to realize ambition as well. Additionally, fine social fame and reputation can bring them great social position.

giserUID：2844945

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money

It is a heating(heated) topic (that删掉) whether businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. Some people believe that is what businessmen only care about, while other people insist that businessmen may have their ambition and dreams to achieve. In my personal view, I hold that businessmen do not desire（chase after） money only.

First of all, most of the businessmen have great ambition of their career（great career ambition）. They first earn enough money and then they may realize their dreams of owning a hotel or (a) restaurant. Money is seen as a result, but some time, however, money is only utilized as a duration tool to achieve the great aspirations.

Secondly, fame and reputation are probably other things businessmen are dying for. A good reputation of honesty can easily help businessmen to portray a good social image. As a result, a fine social reputation can bring businessmen friends and credit. Bill Gates is undoubtedly an extraordinary businessman, but he is also a benefactor. By donating large amount of money to help the poor, he acquired a excellent fame.

From all I mentioned above, I deem it is not only money that businessmen want to chase for. They desire to realize ambition as well. Additionally, fine social fame and reputation can bring them great social position.

我那篇文章是上个月底考场上的作文，当时状态不太好，思路也没打开。刚好20号的作业是这个，我就照搬过来了，基本算是原版吧。
你的文章我觉得字数不是很够啊。然后我觉得词汇和句型在有些地方可以用高级一点的。
来晚了，不好意思啊！

lastgirlUID：2857776

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money
BIt is a heating topic that whether businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. Some people believe that is what businessmen only care about, while other people insist that businessmen may have their ambition and dreams to achieve. In my personal view, I hold that businessmen do not desire money only.+ b; }( l. @#

~3 l
4 t2 }3 z% O9 u. w! d  @1 S: O' O# I
First of all, most of the businessmen have great ambition of their career. They first earn enough money and then they may realize their dreams of owning a hotel or restaurant. Money is seen as a result, but some time, however, money is only utilized as a duration tool错用，时间工具 to achieve the great aspirations.8 G0 T, n! T7 X" \. [
, A- Q- V% U1 i7 O( K
Secondly, fame and reputation are probably other things businessmen are dying for 没见过此用法 （pursuinng）. A good reputation of honesty can easily help businessmen to portray a good social image. As a result, a fine social reputation can bring businessmen friends and credit. Bill Gates is undoubtedly an extraordinary businessman, but he is also a benefactor. By donating large amount of money to help the poor, he acquired a excellent fame.& x5 i5 W8 A( Z$ W# N4 b( r4 Y5 e

From all I mentioned above, I deem it is not only money that businessmen want to chase for. （I deem it is not that money is the only tihng businessmen are chasing for. ）They desire to realize ambition as well. Additionally, fine social fame and reputation can bring them great social position.

例证不充分，不能明确说明问题，无点题。
字数不够。

梦的弃儿UID：2840846

7.22（08.10.25NA）
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not.
Great speaker, Norman Vincent Peale, once said that “Details determine success”. When it comes to the relationship between detail and success, those who object to the adage argue that detail is just a tiny thing in the life, such as keeping the rooms neat and organized. They acclaim that it doesn’t determine the future. However, I doubt whether students who cannot maintain their rooms organized are capable to keep a group or a company organized. So, in my personal view, students who retain their rooms neat will be more likely to help kids build good habits and organization ability.

First and Foremost, most of the parents want to instruct their kids to learn how to retain their rooms clean and organized. It is not only a life skill, but also an excellent habit to build. Not just a neat room or office gives people a good impression of the owners. Additionally, we always consider home as sweet homes. Just imagine, if a person cannot even keep his/her room neat and organized, how can he/she ensure to keep other people’s houses clean? What is more, from childhood to adolescence, they already deem mess as a habit. We can assume they will probably treat the society worse. Subsequently, a person who feels irresponsible to a society is not likely to achieve success.

Secondly, there is no doubt how significant for a person to organize things fitly. That means organization ability is the key to success. Meanwhile, some people assert there is no way for them to show their capability. On the other hand, everything actually can reveal one’s organization ability. Detail is the best way to exhibit the ability. At least, if a person cannot organize his/her room neatly, I believe there is no doubt that he/she is able to organize a large company or even just a group of people. As a result, organization ability is essential to train when a person is a kid. In fact, organizing stuff is just like organizing a horde of employees. That is to say, for a student, the best way to experiment their organization capability is to organize a “smaller office”—which is a room for the kids.

To put everything in a nut shell, I still hold that students who retain their rooms organized as a habit will be more likely to access great achievement than students who do not.

alley-oopUID：2752242

Great speaker, Norman Vincent Peale, once said that “Details determine success”. When it comes to the relationship between detail and success, those who object to the adage argue that detail is just a tiny thing in the life, such as keeping the rooms neat and organized. They acclaim that it doesn’t determine the future. However, I doubt whether students who cannot maintain their rooms organized are capable to keep a group or a company organized. So, in my personal view, students who retain their rooms neat will>might表推断，Will就是肯定发生了 be more likely to help kids build good habits>在我记忆中habits好像是和develop搭配。。。 and organization ability.
' g; l9 T' f  @* G7 ?1 H0 i, u# t( i1 p' q
First and Foremost, most of the parents want to instruct their kids to learn how to retain their rooms clean and organized. It is not only a life skill, but also an excellent habit to build. Not just a neat room or office gives people a good impression of the owners.感觉和前后没有衔接好，我觉得最好能用定语从句和前一句放一起 Additionally, we always consider home as sweet homes不懂。。。. Just imagine, if a person cannot even keep his/her room neat and organized, how can he/she ensure to keep other people’s houses clean? What is more, from childhood to adolescence, they already deem mess as a habit. We can assume they will probably treat the society worse. Subsequently, a person who feels irresponsible to a society is not likely to achieve success.  ?4 d2 A- Z$ i; G
8 L4 u8 S6 F1 {8 [* b  Q3 ?
Secondly, there is no doubt how significant for a person to organize things fitly. That means organization ability is the key to success. Meanwhile, some people assert there is no way for them to show their capability. On the other hand, everything actually can reveal one’s organization ability. Detail is the best way to exhibit the ability. At least, if a person cannot organize his/her room neatly, I believe there is no doubt that he/she is able to organize a large company or even just a group of people. As a result, organization ability is essential to train when a person is a kid. In fact, organizing stuff is just like organizing a horde of employees. That is to say, for a student, the best way to experiment their organization capability is to organize a “smaller office”—which is a room for the kids.# s& S& @0 k. @2 I( v. B) ]
$ I' S' ^- @+ c0 g3 @
To put everything in a nut shell, I still hold that students who retain their rooms organized as a habit will be more likely to access great achievement than students who do not.

alley-oopUID：2752242

我只改了第一段，但是我我都看了。。。语言很细致，一看就是女生写的，但有几点建议。。。
1.是不是能够再把SUCCESS具体化一点，作为学生，到底什么才是SUCCESS？？？
2.全文的思路基本是这样：总论点：屋子干净更容易成功  分论点1：打扫赶紧屋子是个好习惯  分论点2：组织能力很重要  看TOPIC SENTENCE就是这样。。。。我不知道分论点方面是不是能够着重于它两的关系

liuxiaoyinUID：2631993

Great speaker, Norman Vincent Peale, once said that “Details determine success”. When it comes to the relationship between detail and success, those who object to the adage argue that detail is just a tiny thing in the life, such as keeping the rooms neat and organized. They acclaim that it doesn’t determine the future. However, I doubt (doubt之后不能接weather哦，刚考完gmat语法是这样规定的，应该改成that)whether students who cannot maintain their rooms organized are capable to keep a group or a company organized. So, in my personal view, students who retain their rooms neat will be more likely to help kids build good habits and organization ability.
感觉你第一段有点长，建议however之后的那句I doubt。。。去掉



First and Foremost, most of the parents want to instruct their kids to learn how to retain their rooms clean and organized. It is not only a life skill(感觉有点中式英语，可不可以说essential skill in life?), but also an excellent habit to build. Not just a neat room or office gives people a good impression of the owners. Additionally, we always consider home as sweet homes. Just imagine, if a person cannot even keep his/her room neat and organized, how can he/she ensure to keep other people’s houses clean? What is more, from childhood to adolescence, they（改成名词吧，people）
already deem mess as a habit. We can assume they will probably treat the society worse. Subsequently, a person who feels irresponsible to a society is not likely to achieve success.. 感觉你这段的中心论点不是很清晰，你是想说打扫屋子体现了责任感进而促使成功么？建议说得再清楚一点，在段首点出。



Secondly, there is no doubt how significant for a person to organize things fitly. That means organization ability is the key to success.（建议这两句话合成一句来写，that不可抑制代前面整个句子） Meanwhile, some people assert there is no way for them to show their capability（pl.）. On the other hand, everything actually can reveal one’s organization ability. Detail is the best way to exhibit the ability. At least, if a person cannot organize his/her room neatly, I believe there is no doubt that he/she is able to organize a large company or even just a group of people. As a result, organization ability is essential to train when a person is a kid. In fact, organizing stuff is just like organizing a horde of employees. That is to say, for a student, the best way to experiment(用practice好一点吧) their organization capability is to organize a “smaller office”—which is a room for the kids.



To put everything in a nut shell, I still hold that students who retain their rooms organized as a habit will be more likely to access great achievement than students who do not.
结尾可以再总结一下分论点`~~
写得不错，加油哈
PS.评价得有点晚了，抱歉哈~~
7# 梦的弃儿

梦的弃儿UID：2840846

7.24（08.12.05NA）
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Sports teach people lessons about life

In the summer of 2008, the grandiose Olympic Games were unveiled in Beijing. I believe every citizen that watched the live or TV show can never forget about it. The amazing grandeur not only indicated how gorgeous China was, but also showed us how vigorous sports spirit was! Nowadays, it is widely acknowledged that people start to realize learning a sport contributes to a sound body as well as life lessons. As a result, an increasing number of people tend to insist of practicing their own sports field. From my perspective, I am the supporter of this phenomenon.

First of all, it is admitted by everyone that doing sports can bring people fitness. When it comes to the encouragement for the bosses to participate in some athletics, some people deem it is a bitter fact that bosses are mostly too busy to do athletics. Others who are objective to this opinion insist that a sound body is the most important thing in life. Sometimes money is not available to everything. My grandpa is an example to prove this. It was him who founded my dad’s company. However, he was so assiduous that he worked day and night without any sports to keep him healthy. At the end, he had enough money but not enough health to enjoy life. I personally think it is not worthy to do this. So, sports taught me a life lesson that people need to know that money is not the key to happiness. A fit body is the base of enjoying life.

Additionally, sports instruct us about perseverance. No matter which sport you are involved in, it is obvious that any sport requires insistence. To prove it, I will give a sample of myself. When I was the exchange student in TX, America, I tend to choose a sport to keep myself slim. And of course, tennis represents the American sports best. In fact, I was a little bit slothful in athletics, but tennis practice was tiring with the unbearable heat in Texas. I tended to quit after two days while my coach encouraged me to stick to tennis for another week, and maybe I will just see its charm. Adversely, I was fond of tennis after a week. Tennis was a sport that makes every inch of your skin feel vigorous. Subsequently, I got into tennis stoically and never thought about quit anymore.

To sum up, participating in sports does provide people with fitness and life lessons- A sound body is more important more money and worthy some time to maintain. What is more, it is sport that teaches people including me about insistence. And this is the character we need in our future life.

nunulongUID：2172898

您好，文章已修改，请查收。24号刚考完，本以为可以写完，结果今天昏昏沉沉的，到现在也没写完24号作文，只能迟交了，希望到时可以帮助我修改，谢谢！

梦的弃儿UID：2840846

12# nunulong xie
谢谢你的修改，我已经看过了。
很多小错误我也会注意的。
你什么时候写完跟我说声我就会去改的。
没关系，大家都是托友。希望你昨天考的很好~
不过话说你考完了还写干嘛啊……

nunulongUID：2172898

13# 梦的弃儿

感觉考得不理想，还要再考。

nunulongUID：2172898

你好，24号作文迟交了，可否帮忙修改一下，谢谢！
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... xtra=#pid1774209198