开个改作文的小铺子

dumplingplusUID: 2762716

29# iToldUso

谢谢你能这么细心的帮忙修改，对我帮助很大，这些问题今后我会注意的。
赞一下这么无私奉献的精神！:)

tiantian118UID: 2905929

把原来那篇撤了，换了一篇，觉得有了一些进步。。。:victory:

楼主辛苦，圣诞快乐啊！！！

177"The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes."

提纲：1 学科是指有独立研究领域，理论体系，方法论，学了之后会对相关领域的表象看到本质，还可能找到解决问题的方法，甚至改变自己的世界观，这当然alter the way we perceive the world
2 从学科起源来看，是对世界上某类现象研究发展后形成的的科学知识体系。学习了这一学科后，可以由原来只看到表象发展为了解到事物的本质，这显然会attain a different awareness and understanding of the world.以化学这一学科的起源为例，火——化学反应，制陶、冶金、酿造——世界物质结构本质——学科诞生，学习了这一学科，必然会对世界上的种种化学反应和所有物质的构成有了本质了解，和以前不同。
3 认为某些事物不可了解，某些问题不可解决，学习某学科后，可能会找到解决问题的方法，改变对这些事物的看法，更科学的改造世界。如历史对人类起源，化学对能源危机、粮食危机、环境污染
4 了解事物真相，可能改变世界观，人生观。迷信，邪教——科学，真理。哥白尼天文学日心说，哈维生物学血液循环

An academic discipline is a field that studies a sort of phenomena that has the same theoretical system and use particular methodology. In other words, if one has studied an academic discipline, he can better understand the nature of these kind of phenomena instead of the surface of them. And the knowledge he gained may also help him find new ways to problems or even change his view of world. And these changes above are exactly the concrete aspects that how the study of an academic discipline alters the way one perceives the world.


From the origin of an academic discipline, we can see clearly why we will get to know the nature of some phenomena after studying it and then will have different eyes on the world. The typical example is the origin of chemistry which can date back to the first time we human beings drilled the wood to get fire. From then on, we went on by making pottery, smelting metals, brewing food and so on. That was the stage we were using the chemical reactions unconsciously. And then we started to question the reason of these magical things and then found the microcosmic structure of materials. Since then, this kind of academic discipline formally emerged. From the statement above, we can see if we can study chemistry, we will walk along this routine and get to know various chemical reactions and the nature of almost every common material’s microcosmic structure we see in our life. Therefore, we will attain a different awareness and understanding of the world.

We can use the knowledge we have learned from an academic discipline to solve problems that were thought to be unsolvable before and understand things we thought to be unknown. After solving such problems and knowing about more facts, we will have more confidence about ourselves and the world as well. For example, we have already using knowledge in chemistry to solve problems such as energy crisis, environmental problems and food crisis. And after studying archeology, we know the evolution of our human being which puzzled us for a long period of time. In sum, the studying of an academic discipline helps us better understand the world and change the world more scientifically.

The studying of an academic discipline may eventually change our view of world. Centuries ago when science was so undeveloped and only few of people studied the academic discipline, most people had a blind faith and believed in cult. However, with the development of science, more and more people went into a scientific world and fought against the church. Mikolaj Kopernik with his heliocentric theory and Harvey William with his blood circulation theory were the typical examples. It is precisely these breakthrough made people start to believe in truth and science. Now most modern people have been studied or are studying at least one academic discipline and the majority has a more scientific view of world. In a word, it is just the spread of academic disciplines makes this change possible.

It is the knowledge that academic disciplines give us makes it possible for us to attain a different awareness and understanding of the world. Since more and more people started to study the academic discipline, human beings are making big progress and our world is becoming more and more harmonious.

nicholaUID: 2880032

Issue208
"The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."

字数:670  时间：20:00~23:00, 12/18
第一次发，同楼上，求狠拍

Within my cognition, it is somewhat wrongheaded to make a judgment of a society through its appearance and behavior of its people. The judgment has its possibility of existence while it merely gives a bunch of partial and biased answers. The speaker has given an unsubstantial assertion.

Admittedly, the way people look, dress, and act can possibly reveal their attitudes and interests in certain levels as the fact that presentation of entity can elicit essential. It is undeniable that we generally would initiate with the presentation of a certain thing under an investigation. For instance, in the realm of material science, we might first make an accurate observation towards the macrostructure of an alloy under different kinds of stress state or different strain velocities, which gives us statistics to make further analysis of the mechanical characteristic. Likewise, when we are investigating on ideas and values of a society, specifically aesthetic sensibility or morality, we would carry out observations on the appearance and behavior of its people.

However, we cannot tell an exact and comprehensive perception of a society immediately after an observation of its appearance in that it is not a one-to-one correspondence between entities’ essentials and their presentations. Regarding to the diversity of the expression process, a specific essential could correspondent to multiple and distinct presentations. The overlap in presentations, however, does not elicit any collision between different essentials. Hence, we can neither take a presentation to delegate an essential nor ascertain an essential by a presentation. This conclusion is evident in another case. In characterization of human-being, we use the phrase “erectly walk”, while it is basically inadequate and ridiculous to use this phrase neither to summarize the characteristic of human-being nor to qualify a creature that can erectly walk, such as kangaroo and etc., as a human-being. It is substantially superficial and partial to make a simple and categorical judgment by the appearance of things.

Moreover, the diversity of decoding process towards presentations renders the comprehension of essential different, which indicates that it is divergent that the apprehension of people with assorted culture backgrounds towards information. The investigating procedure of a presentation includes observation and evaluation, which both are, however, subjective. They both depend on the information that have perceived by an individual. As there is no absolute identical information system between individuals, the results of observation and evaluation are differed from subjects. Hence, as it is impossible for an individual neither to have the omniscience nor to observe the whole respects of people’s appearance and behavior in a society, one can establish a perspective within limited cognition and different visual angles, which cannot be confirmed as an implicit characterization. In addition, this kind of perspective flawed with uncritical and unsophisticated to a significant extant.

In support of this point, the error analysis theory can be the witness of it. In a series of measurements, there are two kinds of errors that results in the insurmountable distance between us and the truth, which are the inherent error and the computational error. The former is elicited by the limitation of the facilities and the random factors that exist in the process of obtaining statistics. The latter is derived from the theoretically inadequacy of the establishment of mathematical model. And those have given the scientific explanation towards the process of observation and evaluation with a precise comprehension of indeterminacy. To generalize this theory, in the “measurement” towards a society, the measuring means, as the speaker’s presumption, are just watch and tell, of which the process is too simple to approach the precise “statistics” of the ideas and values of the society.

In sum, we can give a judgment to some of a society’s ideas and values after an observation of its people’s appearance and behavior only with the acknowledgment that the judgment is ultimately subjective and superficial.

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

时间：20:00~23:00, 12/18

同学，今天17号.....

nicholaUID: 2880032

哦，sorry，我以为过零点就可以来占位子了~~
36# 咖啡盐

tiantian118UID: 2905929

38# lasselore
太感谢你了，非常非常非常感谢。
我一定多看范文。
还有，如何做才能写出比较复杂的句子，用些比较高级的词汇。还有，我真的对语法法一窍不通……
以上3点我要从哪做起，开始恶补啊！！
太谢谢了，一开始就有高人指点啊

chinese_idiotUID: 2854284

广告位出租

iToldUsoUID: 2929900

tears...最近几天忙疯了。没顾上这边。待会儿中饭时间看两篇~~

iToldUsoUID: 2929900

我也贴一个我的，刚写好的，第一篇Issue。。用了好长时间。。。
谢谢斑竹了~呵呵，排队~
TOPIC: ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the

individua ...
m7061542 发表于 2010-12-12 21:26

TOPIC: ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the

individual needs and interests of each student."
WORDS: 644          TIME: 10:03:46          DATE: 2010-12-11 22:51:32

Effective education means that the result of education matches both the desire of students and the
demand of society as perfect as possible, with quantities of other practical factors considered. 【开篇先define "effective education", 算是比较常规合理的破题方式，给出的定义也蛮reasonable的。但with...factors considered属于病句了。而且，这个小分句的句意比较含混。个人没太看明白】
Therefore【这么快就therefore有些急进了。不妨再多铺陈一两句】, it is debatable to say 【还是推荐用assert/conclude这类更具象严谨的词】it is the only way that specifically designed to meet the individual
needs and interests of each student to effective education. 【病句了。而且让我一时有些无从下手去改。。。】To judge whether the specifically designed
education is effective, one must put 【open】his/her eyes on the 【to】reality, and consider several facets
including the circumstances of students, society, and the content of education itself.

Firstly, different ages of students need different forms of education. The specifically designed
education which meets the individual needs and interests of each student is only effective for those
who have deep and clear cognition on their needs and interests, thereby well balanced on what they want and what they need.【这几句不错，逻辑很清楚】 Students in high school and college are mainly this kind, as the result of their maturity of self-knowledge obtained from the prior education. Specifically designed education supplies these students 【with】opportunities to follow the thoughts of their own, which greatly arouses enthusiasm and prevents from the 【avoids】ineffective attention on the knowledge they feel boring and do not desire. The passion in learning leads to higher focus on innovation and critical thinking, which is an essential part of effectiveness. However, as to those in kindergarten and primary school, who have little judgment about what is real interest and what is just curiousness, education designed to meet individual needs and interests of each student has to face extremely difficulties, for they actually have no idea about their demand and lack continuously passion to something specific. Thus, no practical specific learning plan could come up, much less effective education. For them, education should be both general and introductory. The former guarantees students the fundamental knowledge for further need, including arts, science, history, society, etc; the later is needed to widen their sights and gradually reveal where their real interests locate. Clearly, with different awareness stages of students, the same form of education will be either effective or ineffective. 【这一段总体都挺不错的。表扬】

Secondly, circumstance of society is another factor on which the education's effectiveness depends.

The purpose of education is to educate people to make a living and serve the society. Thus, to assess
an education's effectiveness, one should check how the graduates live and meet the social demands.
Moreover, society affords the mostly cost of education, by running schools, funding researches, and
recruit teachers, etc. An effective education must consider both the two aspects, that is to balance
the individual interests and the social demands, with proper arrangement of finite social resource. In
many countries, for example, North Korea, it is impossible to make education specifically designed to
meet the individual needs and interests, because of their bad financial condition. Also there are many
countries, such as India, which require advanced science and technology, putting more attention on
education for scientist and engineer, though those who are interested in art may not be minority.
Obviously, education in these cases is effective, without totally designed to meet every individual
needs and interests. 【从立论到举例，都很成熟。再次表扬】

Besides, the content of education itself also influences the validity of the saying 【？？？】. For instance, art
is a special subject which needs education specifically designed for the learner from beginning to
end, because it is one of the most personalized activities. Art would not exist with absence of the
artist's imagination and creativity, both of which come from his/her interest. 【这一段有些莫名其妙。。。】

In the final analysis, there is no unified standard to assess an education's effectiveness. It is
hasty to say that education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the
individual needs and interests of each student. According to specific circumstance, effective
education corresponds to that of specific form, and to meet the individual needs and interests of each student is just one of it.

总的来说，是篇逻辑论证比较成熟的作品，语言问题也不大。

iToldUsoUID: 2929900

LZ大大......我本来是3楼的.....ToT不知为何账号被刷新了貌似.........我重新发一个吧，唉，被打击了.....



Issue:109"The purpose of many advertisements is to make consumers want to buy a product so th ...
咖啡盐 发表于 2010-12-13 10:48

Issue:109"The purpose of many advertisements is to make consumers want to buy a product so that they will 'be like' the person in the ad. This practice is effective because it not only sells products but also helps people feel better about themselves."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`着实无奈了的分割线~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Advertising, as a common media approach for sellers to promote their products, has been increasing popular in current society. However,【转折突兀了。popular跟后面这句构不成强转折。】 some people claim that advertisements are certainly effective because they make customers feel better about themselves. From my perspective, although advertising has certain position 【？？？是想用positive么？】effects in providing consumers with useful information, its negative impacts appear more prominent in misguiding them with fake information. 【本来开头还不错。但写到这里就戛然而止，那么就意味着——你偏题了。。。这篇issue要重点立论的不是广告信息是否真实，而是“通过推销广告主角的life style而成功说服、引导消费者的消费心理是一种很高着的广告方式。比如，让消费者们觉得只有买了哪里哪里的楼盘才算得上是跻身上流社会...或是让消费者认为须得去哪家店消费才够格与其他中产精英同行。。等等类似的理念洗脑”。你要做的，是或正面或反面的论证这一assertion是否valid, sound.  当然可以从广告传递的其实是虚假信息这个角度去分析，但最终必须回落到真正在辩论的点上。】

It is undeniable that the main function of advertising is to provide information for the consumers to choose what really satiate their demands. By this I mean that advertisements actually supply a majority of effective information about things we want. In a comparison between two similar things, advertisements certainly help customers to differentiate them with particulars. For instance, if we want to buy a new washing machine, we will tend to choose the one with a clear direction. Due to the reason that we feel relaxed and reliable by familiar things. These advertising grasped consumers' psychological needs well. Moreover, we can also learn the newest information of daily life from various advertisements.

However, there is much evidence to warrant that advertisements sometimes mislead consumers by offering fake information. Precisely, the most common approach adopt by the advertisers is to exaggerate part of the functions and hide the drawbacks of a product in order to convince the customers that their commodities are some medicine as an illustration, it is usual that these products are advertised so elegantly that many consumers imagine that only by trying them can their problems be solved. If this is the case ,the customers are possible to be cheated because the majority of these products are actually in poor qualities, wasting a large number of money but receiving no effectiveness. For instance, in selling products for losing weight, advertisers are accustomed to employ some shapely models to be prolocutors which may lure the most primal inner eagerness of consumers to “be like” the models they see on the advertisements, but it is universal acknowledge that we, people, can never make this come true.

In addition, it should be noted that many advertisements are detrimental for people’s physical and even psychological health. To more practice, advertisers claim that their products are effective, for the reason that they can help people who buy their merchandises feel better about themselves. On the contrary, these kinds of advertisements are specious. Manufacturers employed some famous person to portray their products in an attractive way. Through this, people are probable to consider that the person who represents for the merchandises has used them already. As the consequence, people may want to emulate or “be like”. For instance, Michael Jackson, a famous cosmopolitan superstar, was disfigured by his cosmetic surgery for several times. To some extent, the temptation from advertisements may be one of the pacing factors. Consequently, he had to endured twinge  from his face or even from his internal spirit. It is an universal phenomena that advertisers never show the flaw of their products to people; instead, the only things we can receive from the advertisements are their advantages.

To sum up, from all the evidence discussed above, it can be concluded that advertising may not be the most effective method for people to accept the brand of a product. Furthermore, it can not make people feel better about themselves like the person in the advertisement.

基本上跑题了。。。