开个改作文的小铺子

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

终于排到了~~~

iToldUsoUID: 2929900

mark的两篇补上了。嗯

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

50# lasselore
我写到后来还是觉得我的结论和我的论证方向上有点出入，但是还不知道从何处下手改

litingcoolUID: 2761220

loli姐收费不？不会像猜姐那样要曝PP吧。。。

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

45# iToldUso
谢谢LZ无私的奉献，拜服拜服。这是我第二篇正式的issue，没想到还是飘到了西伯利亚......


         有个小问题想问下，我的思路是基本是想上否定该主题的，就是想要得到“be like”的效果是不可能的，那么从consumer为了达到ad中主角的效果，去模仿会产生严重后果之类，还有ad中含有虚假信息等问题去论证，这个可不可以？

soya521UID: 2904846

第一篇Issue，感觉还在迷茫中。恳请知道~！先谢谢啦~!

ISSUE 30 The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people’s efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

The speaker asserts that the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase our efficiency so as to providing us more leisure time. Well, I concede that the development of technology increase our efficiency, but does it really afford us more leisure time and is it the primary goal of technological advancement? However, I don’t think so.
On one hand, the technology, which is the main power of development of modern society, greatly increase people’s efficiency. There have many examples to illustrate this. For example, the introduction of automation, which can increase the safety of certain production tasks manufacturing process in many cases, has greatly improved manufacturing process in many industries. In many large modern plants, there only have few workers in that production assemblies are automatically controlled by computers. Another example is with the advent of household electrical appliances, such as washing machines, microwave oven, and refrigerator and so on, housewives can greatly increase their efficiency so that they are free from traditional heavy housework.
On the other hand, the technological advancement does not provide people more leisure time and it acts in the opposite direction. People are busier and busier with the development of technology. We can further analysis the example I mentioned above, do the housewives have more leisure time after they are free from the heavy housework? Obviously, the answer is no. The modern technology not only helps to increase the efficiency but also increase the pressure of life. With the increasing efficiency, the plants no longer need so many workers; the breadwinner of the family faces the pressure of unemployment. In order to pay the bills, the housewives have to go to work as the breadwinner of the families too. What’s more, people have to spend more and more time to study the new technological knowledge to keep pace with the technological advancement after work. So how can we say that the technological advancement can afford us more leisure time?
The primary goal of the technological advancement is not to increase people’s efficiency, which in fact is only the by-product. There are far more vital concerns that technology can and should address. For example, the development in pharmaceutical technology can help to cure and save more patients; the development in medical technology can allow for quicker, safer, less invasive diagnosis and treatment; the development in information technology enables education while communication technology facilitates global participation in the democratic process. In short, health, safety, education, and freedom are the proper final objectives of technology. Admittedly, developments in these areas sometimes involve improved efficiency; yet efficiency is merely a by-product of these more important ends.
To sum up, the technological advancement does greatly increase people’s efficiency, but this does not mean that it can afford people more leisure time. In fact, the development of the technology makes people much busier. To increase people’s efficiency is only the by-product of the technological advancement, there are far more vital concerns that technology should address.

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

55# lasselore
嗯....好好思过了，直接重写...我的出发点是想说ad是不会有那么好的效果的，所以才引入虚假信息这个概念，唉，反正写着写着就陷进去了....

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

57# lasselore
任重而道远了，那只高不低的油价，让我加着忧心哪~~~

iToldUsoUID: 2929900

53# 咖啡盐  
可爱的师姐。。。。

你这个偏题偏的很多。。。。。没看懂loli姐说的什么意思？你审题有问题
这个不是在讨论虚假不虚假的问题，而是讨论ad是怎么样起作用的。你引用的虚假不虚假的问题没对说明主题 ...
lasselore 发表于 2010-12-21 16:31

lasselore小朋友说得很是

这个题目包含了dual claims:
1) The purpose of many advertisements is to make consumers want to buy a product so that they will 'be like' the person in the ad. 广告的目的是诱惑消费者向往广告主角life style？
2)This practice is effective because it not only sells products but also helps people feel better about themselves. 这一策略有效的原因是它帮助消费者自我感觉良好？

咖啡盐mm你要做的，就是分析论证这俩个claim是否sound. 可以完全赞同，也可以部分反对。我个人写的话基本上是赞同为主的。

iToldUsoUID: 2929900

这是修改后的文章，希望能经你的修改让我在思路上有所进步

Arg 51 "Doctorshave long suspected that secondary infections may keep somepatients from healing quickly after severemuscle strain. This hypoth ...
muzhihao1 发表于 2010-12-13 11:41

Arg 51 "Doctorshave long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treatedfor muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sportsmedicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Theirrecuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected.Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a generalphysician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they weretaking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantlyreduced.
Therefore,all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to takeantibiotics as part of their treatment."

Outline：1 不是所有肌肉拉伤都得继发感染

2 作者所引的实验不能用于证明

3 抗生素因为有副作用不适用所有扭伤
In this argument, the arguer advocates that antibiotics should be applied to any patient who is diagnosed with muscle strains. To back up his argument, he cites a hypothesis newly proved by a study that the secondary infection relates to the recovery of muscle strain. Although this argument might seem reasonable at first glance, it is in fact ill-conceived. The reasons are  stated as follows. 【很常规的开头。可能有些过于模板了...分数会被判卷老师压低】

In the first place, the arguer assumes that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain will catch the secondary infection. Only based on this premise can we accept the advice that the antibiotics are truly needed in the therapy. However, inferring from the suspicion of the doctors, it’s only a part of severely strained patients  have the possibility to be infected. As the common sense tells us, human beings, unless severely hurt, are invulnerable to the  infection with the protection of the immune system. The arguer's reasoning is definitely flawed unless the arguer can convince me that the incidence of the secondary infection is high enough to pay attention to. 【不错。条理蛮清晰】

In the second place, the experiment the arguer cites is invalid in demonstrating this suspicion. To be a qualified experiment, the two groups of patients must be sufficient, typical and in similar condition. Without any one of these three elements, the comparison between the two groups of patients sounds imprecise. Furthermore, in order to discover the effect of the antibiotics, the other factors which can affect the result should be the same. In this experiment, the author fails to provide necessary evidences, such as the total number of the patients, the composition of these people, the physical conditions of them and the severity of the injuries, to prove the validity of the experiment. If most patients in one group are old and severely injured and the other young and slightly, can we draw any conclusion from their recuperation time? Even the two doctors are in different specialties, which indicates two kinds of therapeutic methods, both in drugs and physical exercise, resulting in different outcome. All of these factors will sway 【sway不能这么用吧。换成weaken/undermine】the credibility of this experiment.

The last but not the least important 【删】, even if the evidence turns out to support the foregoing assumptions, the arguer are 【这种低级错误要谨防的说，在这上面失分太不划算了！】too hasty to generalize, without taking the side effect of the antibiotics into account. Any usage of the drug should be testified by a series of experiments, considering every possible situation, to have definitely positive effects prevalent against the negative ones. It's rather toxic than beneficial to apply the antibiotics to a slightly injured patient, for the potential occurrence of diarrhea and allergy.【这个结论有点儿空中楼阁了，没有任何铺垫支撑，也不属于常识领域。可以假设可以举例，但不能这么直接下定论】

To sum up, the arguer's argument mentioned above is not based on valid experiment or sound reasoning, neither of which is dispensable for a conclusive argument. In order to draw a better conclusion, the arguer should reason more convincingly, search for more properly designed experiments to support his view, and take every possible consideration into account. 【结尾太general, 合格是合格，但不够优秀。you can do better.】
——————————————————————————————————————
总的来说，无大过却也无甚亮点，分数估计会很平... 建议该展开的地方一定别偷懒。特别是开头结尾，别这么模板化，否则会吃大亏的

iToldUsoUID: 2929900

Issue:210Most people choose a career on the basis of such pragmatic considerations as the needs of the economy, the relative ease of finding a job, and the salary they can expect to make. Hardly anyon ...
qiu5420 发表于 2010-12-13 22:30

Issue:210Most people choose a career on the basis of such pragmatic considerations as the needs of the economy, the relative ease of finding a job, and the salary they can expect to make. Hardly anyone is free to choose a career based on his or her natural talents or interest in a particular kind of work  


    Profession chose 【Choosing professions】is always a hot topic. Do consideration rather than natural talents and interests as the author asserts? 【这个句子我完全没看懂。。。想表达啥意思？现在这是个病句】Though it can’t be denied that many of those are basis 【based】on pragmatic considerations, in my opinion, vocation determinations 【vocational choices】are not only decided by pragmatic consideration.

不行，今晚状态不好，可能得早睡了。就先看这么多。这位同学如果还会回来看的话，建议好好改下这篇文的语法问题先。。。我草草看下，发现一堆语法错误。。。

剩下的明天再改了。抱歉

   First of all, I concede a fairly proportion of job decisions of are base on the pragmatic consideration. What is the pragmatic consideration in the aspect of job choosing? Besides the factors the author mentions, it concludes many other content, for example, cities where companies locates, chances of more promotion opportunities and so forth. As to majority, pragmatic considerations when they choose careers are those people can easily achieve, at lest can achieve, and make them come true. It is absolutely advisable, since the most significant thing for human beings is survival, even in the modern society. Survival is a premise that everyone can’t ignore. In this sense, it is not strange that people tend to choose economics, clinical medicine and law that will allow them to earn more money; nor strange that people take computer, markting and statistics that will promise them to have more job opportunities.  
•          However who can guarantee that most people choose occupations by pragmatic consideration only as the speaker maintains, while so many people are working in the unprofitable areas and trying to be elites with less vocational chances? And who can exclude the inner motions when others only get the results, yet have not known real process of determination? On the one hand, consider real cases, numerous people have worked for their dreams that can be understood as interest or talent. A remarkable example is Van Gogh who devoted his whole life to art, nevertheless sold only one piece of art work in his life time and lived in poverty. In modern society, numerous biologists work in primeval forest, in gobi and in desert. Besides though less work opportunities for lawyers in China, many young men contribute themselves in protecting the justices of law and society. On the other hand, choice is always a complex process through which people compare advantages and disadvantages of multiple options. In fact a decision, especially a job choice, is not as simple and superficial as its look, moreover sometimes the temporary choice is not the final choice. Arnold Schwarzenegger, the governor of California, comes immediately into my mind. He used to be a famous actor, whereas to be a politician is his real interest. In order to make his dream come true, he determined to be an actor for gathering sufficient popularity and approach to politics. In sum the statement that hardly anyone choose professionals according to their nature talent and interest is an over generalization.
In fact, pragmatic and inner motivations, another specific form of realism and idealism, are not mutually exclusive. In my observation they two are unity of opposite which exist objectively and can’t be neglected. To individuals, the best occupation is combining them, that is pursuing a career both interesting and empirical. Combination of art and business is a good example. Every year a lot of fashion brand transfuse art into costume, shoes, jewelry and so forth, and thus make a huge success, for instance, brand such as Prada, Chanel and Gucci. Any one who has fascination and passion in art and wand to put it into pragmatic use can choose those careers.
Above all, vocational options are not decided by one factor. Both empirical and inner determinations are important.
————————————————————————————

mark先