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[作文] daily writing by qianhuang [复制链接]

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发表于 2011-6-1 10:35:35 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 qianhuang 于 2011-6-1 22:23 编辑

5月31日 综合
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发表于 2011-6-1 14:44:21 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 qianhuang 于 2011-6-2 08:06 编辑

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发表于 2011-6-2 07:43:02 |只看该作者
5月31日 独立修改
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All is well.

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发表于 2011-6-2 10:41:00 |只看该作者
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发表于 2011-6-2 21:53:14 |只看该作者
6.1独立改完
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发表于 2011-6-2 21:54:14 |只看该作者
5.31 独立修改

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发表于 2011-6-2 22:04:31 |只看该作者
5.31 独立修改


Do you agree that people should have hobbies and do physical activities that are very

different from one's work?

Most
people spend the majority of a day on working. After working, they'd like do various things to relax themselves. Regarding to the issue that whether people should have hobbies and do physical activities that are very different from one's work, I hold a positive view, and I think do something different benefits people a lot.


On one hand, doing some physical activities, such as traveling and climbing, really helps people to improve the physical health condition. Nowadays, a great number of people need to do their work with the assistance of computer. So, they are sitting and staring at the computer screen all the time during work, which do harm to their eyes and their back. A research shows that most people, whose work can't go on without computers, suffer diseases related with cervical vertebra. In this situation, instead of sitting still in the spare time, doing some physical activities can change(原词不认识啊) their bad health condition. By doing exercise, their strained muscle can be relaxed and their resistibility can be improved.
Furthermore, heavy radiation, which may lead serious diseases, is transmitted by computers, mobile phones and other electrical devices which are closely interrelated to our daily work and lives. I think when people enjoy spare time(原文指失业), they should leave the work place, and go into the nature for the fresh air and clean water.


On the other hand, having some hobbies different with one's work benefits people's psychological condition. For example, I am a student majored in computer science, and when I am free, I'd like to read some books about literature and geography, because I am interested in these different fields. By having some hobbies different with my major in free time, I won't be bored and this broaden my horizon. What's more, due to the increasing competition, integrated development of one's professional skills and extended ability may earn more opportunities for a person. So, beside our major ability, we should also learn other skills to improve our ability. For instance, I have a friend whose major is also computer, but he is interested in drawing. When he tried to find a job, his special skill in drawing attracted many companies’ attention. These companies thought this ability can be well used in the designing of software. So, to have some different hobbies benefits a person a lot.

To sum up, I totally agree with the point that people should have hobbies and do physical activities that are very different from one's work.

遣词造句上稍显生硬,有些词句直译过来意思就不对了。不过,内容上还是比较充实的。

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发表于 2011-6-3 00:03:39 |只看该作者
92# qianhuang

Do you agree that people should have hobbies and do physical activities that are very different from one's work?



Most of people spend the majority of a day on working. After working, they'd like to do various things to relax themselves. About the issue that whether people should have hobbies and do physical activities that are very different from one's work, I hold a positive view, and I think doing something different benefits people a lot.

On one hand, doing some physical activities, such as traveling and climbing, really helps people to improve their physical health condition. (You’re going down the line of ‘doing physical activities and hobbies improve health’..but the keyword in the question is ‘different from one’s work’. If a person is a construction worker, his job would already be very physical, and it makes not much sense for him to continue doing physical activities ‘to improve health’. I understand you’re talking about the general condition of office workers, but know that there are many different kinds of work in this world and you need to talk about what the boundary of your discussion is BEFORE you start the discussion. If your reasoning applies mainly to office workers, say so in the very first sentence, or even earlier – like in the first paragraph.) Nowadays, a great number of people need to do their work with the assistance of computers. So, they are sitting and staring at the screens of computers all the time during work, which do harms to their eyes and their backs. A research shows that most people, whose work can't leave computers out, suffer diseases related with cervical vertebra (I thought you said ‘harms…their backs’, so why do you specify ‘cervical vertebra’ – backbones in the neck? The human back is much larger than just the neck..so I don’t see the relationship between this sentence and the one before it.) In this situation, instead of sitting still in their spare time, doing some physical activities can ameliorate their bad health condition. By doing exercises, their strained muscles can be relaxed and their resistibility?? (Do you mean to say ‘flexibility’ or something similar?) can be improved. Furthermore, heavy radiation, which may lead to serious diseases, is transmitted (Computer do not ‘transmit’ radiation. They ‘emit’ radiation themselves.) by computers, mobile phones and other electrical devices which are closely interrelated to our daily work and lives. I think when people are out of work, they should get rid of this daily environment??, and go into the nature for the fresh air and clean water.

On the other hand, having some hobbies, different with one's work, can ameliorate people's psychological conditions. For example, I am a student majored in computer science, and when I am free, I'd like to read some books about literature and geography, because I am interested in these different fields. By having some hobbies different from my major in free time, I won't be bored and will broaden my horizon. What's more, due to the increasing competition (competition of what?), integrated development of one's professional skills and extended ability (You’re trying to translate some chic Chinese words about ‘quality graduates’, aren’t you..) may earn more opportunities for a person. So, beside our major ability, we should also learn other skills to improve our quality (This doesn’t make sense because in the English speaking countries they don’t usually associate ‘quality’ as an attribute of a person, as in, you don’t hear people say ‘His quality is good’. When they talk about potential employees, they talk about them being ‘qualified’ or having good ‘employability’ or being ‘candidates of good quality’ – note the words ‘candidate’ and ‘of’.). For instance, I have a friend whose major is also computer, but he is interested in drawing. When he tried to find a job, his special skill in drawing attracted many companies. These companies thought this ability can be well used in the designing of software. So, to have some different hobbies benefits a person a lot. (If your friend’s hobby is, say, palmistry, then perhaps it would not be as attractive..but it’s still a very different hobby from computers. Does the hobby help your friend because it’s different, or because it is somehow ‘useful’ in a practical sense in the field of his major, which is a very diverse field itself? Think about it.)

To sum up, I totally agree with the point that people should have hobbies and do physical activities that are very different from one's work.

总结:

我觉得你论述语法语言什么的都还好,最主要的问题还是表达方式不甚地道,而且经常偏于累赘。。请注意在平时阅读中积累表达。。

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发表于 2011-6-3 14:03:50 |只看该作者
6月2日 独立
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发表于 2011-6-4 09:14:58 |只看该作者
6月3日 独立
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发表于 2011-6-4 11:48:36 |只看该作者
100# qianhuang
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发表于 2011-6-4 16:13:40 |只看该作者
100# qianhuang
qianhuang(valarie)---By Zahngxin
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把握节奏,坚持拼搏;热爱自然,热爱生活!

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发表于 2011-6-5 08:35:11 |只看该作者
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发表于 2011-6-7 08:28:08 |只看该作者
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发表于 2011-6-7 11:42:46 |只看该作者
6.6号独立作文修改
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RE: daily writing by qianhuang [修改]
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