【NINE 小组】第一次作业-by 陈懂

winterfineUID: 3141531

26   The luxuries and conveniencesof contemporary life prevent people from developing into truly strong andindependent individuals


The statement, describing a negative linkage between contemporary life and individual's development, seems reasonable.  Many people find it hard to help their reliance on the idle lifestyle when it comes to luxuries and conveniences.  Although the side effects are real, and escaping the modern comfort is not an option, it is the imperfect reality that makes growing stronger possible.



The reasons leading to the anxiety described in the statement is obvious.  By applying and relying on the technology provided by the modern society, we simplify problems which used to afflict us badly with ease and no understanding of the consequences.  Fast food, for instance, greatly shortens the preparation for meals but causes obesity; subways and cars save us from hours of journey between home and work, yet deprive our chances to exercise; and through TV channels, we acquire large quantity of information without discrimination.  As a result, it is no wonder that we have so many couch potatoes, suffering from a corpulent body and a vacant mind, which is typical of the weak and dependent.  Consequently, it is natural to jump to conclusion that convenience contributes to dependency and weakness.


Such criticisms against our present ways of life are not unfounded, from which some even conclude that it is better for us to go back to the old times than rotting in our wasteful 21stcentury. Many of them even practice their idea by living in the wood or some distant area leading a so-called natural life. While indulgence in an oversimplified life does weaken our body and mind, it is a pity to overlook the far-reaching benefits brought by the conveniences that has always been indispensible to the community’s advancement. Consider the time when we were still using sticks and stones to hunt for food. It is true that we were more likely to have a strong physique that time, but how can you expect someone living in caves fighting for his own surviving to introduce ideas with regard to subjects more sophisticated, say philosophy or education, to develop him to be a stronger one?  Without the basic assurance of running the fundamental conveniently, further perfection in a broad sense regarding individuals is impossible.


Despite the reality that certain conveniences are assured, more problems emerge thanks to our technology progress to making them simpler. For example, trains and cars are designed for traveling faster, inevitably resulting in accidents; we take advantage of the internet for sharing information which is owing to information explosion.   Accordingly, while the current social elite firmly peruse lives with some luxuries, they haven't generally interpreted it into that luxurious lifestyles constitute the whole meaning of life. Having recognized the possibility for further improvement, they devote themselves to the imperfections resulting from the advancement of society.  We have nutritionist taking care of obesity and transportation specialist specializing in the area of traffic. Problems worrying critics lead to processes during which we make ourselves better and realize our potential.

请指教！！

w2williamUID: 2551182

整体结构比较清晰，论证有力。
但是总感觉在句子处理上有点生涩。

会飞的橙子UID: 3012240

个人感觉，和LS不太一样，如果LS是大牛，陈懂信他的吧~~~



Thestatement, describing a negative linkage between contemporary life andindividual's development, seems reasonable.  Many people find it hardto help their reliance on the idle lifestyle when it comes to luxuries andconveniences.  Although the side effects are real, and escaping themodern comfort is not an option, it is the imperfect reality that makes growingstronger possible.

The reasons leading to the anxiety described in the statement isobvious.  By applying and relying on the technology provided by themodern society, we simplify problems which used to afflict us badly with easeand no understanding of the consequences.  Fast food, for instance,greatly shortens the preparation for meals but causes obesity; subways and carssave us from hours of journey between home and work, yet deprive our chances toexercise; and through TV channels, we acquire large quantity of informationwithout discrimination.  As a result, it is no wonder that we have somany couch potatoes, suffering from a corpulent body and a vacant mind, whichis typical of the weak and dependent.  Consequently, it is natural tojump to conclusion that convenience contributes to dependency and weakness.

Such criticisms against our present ways of life are not unfounded, from whichsome even conclude that it is better for us to go back to the old times than rotting in our wasteful 21stcentury.Many of them even practice their idea by living in the wood or some distant
area
leadinga so-called natural life.While indulgence in an oversimplified life does weaken our body and mind, it isa pity to overlook the far-reaching benefits brought by the conveniences thathas always been indispensible to the community’s advancement. (这句给我一种这篇文章是一半支持一半反对的感觉，太平衡了，但是纵观全文应该是有保留的反对the statement)Consider the time when we were stillusing sticks and stones to hunt for food. It is true that we were more likelyto have a strong physique that time, but how can you expect
（感觉有点奇怪这个地方）someoneliving in caves fighting for his own surviving to introduce ideas with regardto subjects more sophisticated, say philosophy or education, to develop him tobe a stronger（我觉得这里的strong应该限制一下和前面的physique strong区分开来） one?  Without the basic assurance of runningthe fundamental conveniently, further perfection in a broad sense regardingindividuals is impossible.

Despite the reality that certain conveniences are assured, more problemsemerge（这段感觉是上一段的进一步论述，这一句是不是应该把“更多问题出现”再向前推进一步，作为本段的TS，或者这句不是TS？） thanks to our technology progressto making them simpler（这个them是指前面的more problems么？如果是，感觉不通因为把这些问题简单化了，所以出现了更多的这些问题，容易有歧义）. For example, trains and cars aredesigned for traveling faster, inevitably resulting in accidents; we take advantage of the internet for sharinginformation which is owing to information explosion. Accordingly,
（这个因此哪来的？）while the current social elite firmly peruse lives withsome luxuries, they haven't generally interpreted it into that luxuriouslifestyles constitute the whole meaning of life. Having recognized thepossibility for further improvement, they devote themselves to theimperfections resulting from the advancement of society.  We havenutritionist taking care of obesity and transportation specialist specializingin the area of traffic. Problems worrying critics lead to processes duringwhich we make ourselves better and realize our potential.



总结：我觉得这篇文章语言文字比较流畅，结构也比较清晰，先解释了什么情况下调the statement is true，然后再转折，并且有点递进的论述。

就是如果第一段最后一句是主旨句的话，最后一段是对其的展开论述，但是感觉有点没有点到，例子我觉得都ok，论证的过程有点欠。我觉得倒数第二段说的比较清楚，但是如果那句是主旨句的话，倒数第二段感觉和主旨关系又不是很大。

PS：加个结尾文章更完整的说~

winterfineUID: 3141531

我写句子的时候确实蛮吃力的，说生涩没错吧

看的好仔细

winterfineUID: 3141531

The statement, describing a negative linkage between contemporary life and individual's development, seems reasonable.  Many people find it hard to help their reliance on the idle lifestyle when it comes to luxuries and conveniences.  Although the side effects are real, and escaping the modern comfort is not an option, it is the imperfect reality that makes growing stronger possible.
      
       The reasons leading to the anxiety described in the statement is obvious.  By applying and relying on the technology provided by the modern society, we simplify problems which used to afflict us badly with ease and no understanding of the consequences.  Fast food, for instance, greatly shortens the preparation for meals but causes obesity; subways and cars save us from hours of journey between home and work, yet deprive our chances to exercise; and through TV channels, we acquire large quantity of information without discrimination.  As a result, it is no wonder that we have so many couch potatoes, suffering from a corpulent body and a vacant mind, which is typical of the weak and dependent.  Consequently, it is natural to jump to conclusion that convenience contributes to dependency and weakness.
调换了一下句子的顺序，是不是好一点？
       While indulgence in an oversimplified life does weaken our body and mind, it is a pity to overlook the far-reaching benefits brought by the conveniences that has always been indispensible to the community’s advancement. Criticisms against our present ways of life are not unfounded, from which some conclude that it is better for us to go back to the old times than rotting in our wasteful 21st century. Many of them even practice their idea by living in the wood or some distant area leading a so-called natural life. Consider the time when we were still using sticks and stones to hunt for food.  It is true that we were more likely to have a stronger physique then, but it is no way that someone living in caves fighting for his own surviving can introduce ideas with regard to subjects more sophisticated, say philosophy or education, to develop him to be stronger, both mentally and physically.  Without the basic assurance of running the fundamental conveniently, further perfection in a broad sense regarding individuals is impossible.

     In other senses, these further perfections are not only made possible by the fundamental convenience but also prompted by problems emerging from them. The author fails to see that while the current social elite firmly peruse lives with some luxuries, they haven't generally interpreted it into that luxurious lifestyles constitute the whole meaning of life. Instead, having recognized the possibility for further improvement, they devote themselves to the imperfections resulting from the advancement of society. Cars and trains, for example, are inevitably resulting in accidents, which are being taken care of by specialist specialized in traffic; we consume fast food owing to obesity, accordingly, nutritionists are playing their roles dealing with such situations.   Problems worrying critics lead to processes during which we make ourselves better and realize our potential.
原来的最后一段确实写的很不清楚。

lovetianUID: 2899734

The statement, describing a negative linkage between contemporary life and individual's development, seems reasonable. Many people find it hard to help their reliance on the idle lifestyle when it comes to luxuries and conveniences. Although the side effects are real, and escaping the modern comfort is not an option, it is the imperfect reality that makes growing stronger possible.



The reasons leading to the anxiety described in the statement is obvious. By applying and relying on the technology provided by the modern society, we simplify problems which used to afflict us badly with ease and no understanding of the consequences. Fast food, for instance, greatly shortens the preparation for meals but causes obesity; subways and cars save us from hours of journey between home and work, yet deprive our chances to exercise; and through TV channels, we acquire large quantity of information without discrimination. As a result, it is no wonder that we have so many couch potatoes, suffering from a corpulent body and a vacant mind, which is typical of the weak and dependent. Consequently, it is natural to jump to conclusion that convenience contributes to dependency and weakness.

Such criticisms against our present ways of life are not unfounded, from which some even conclude that it is better for us to go back to the old times than rotting in our wasteful 21stcentury. Many of them even practice their idea by living in the wood or some distant area leading a so-called natural life. While indulgence in an oversimplified life does weaken our body and mind, it is a pity to overlook the far-reaching benefits brought by the conveniences that has always been indispensible to the community’s advancement. Consider the time when we were still using sticks and stones to hunt for food. It is true that we were more likely to have a strong physique that time, but how can you expect someone living in caves fighting for his own surviving to introduce ideas with regard to subjects more sophisticated, say philosophy or education, to develop him to be a stronger one? Without the basic assurance of running the fundamental conveniently, further perfection in a broad sense regarding individuals is impossible.


Despite the reality that certain conveniences are assured, more problems emerge thanks to our technology progress to making them simpler. For example, trains and cars are designed for traveling faster, inevitably resulting in accidents; we take advantage of the internet for sharing information which is owing to（share information 是information explosion的原因吧？） information explosion. Accordingly, while the current social elite firmly peruse life with some luxuries, they haven't generally interpreted it into that luxurious lifestyles constitute the whole meaning of life. Having recognized the possibility for further improvement, they devote themselves to the imperfections resulting from the advancement of society. We have nutritionist taking care of obesity and transportation specialist specializing in the area of traffic. Problems worrying critics lead to processes
during which we make ourselves better and realize our potential. (强大的长难句……)

这篇文章是有保留的反对 既然是反对 最好一上来就表明态度 第二段就说出反对的意思
不知道这种想法对不对