Daily Wringting by 蹲着的猫

LusotaUID: 2929567

蹲着的猫-修改by lusota.doc (33.5 KB, 下载次数: 15)

2012-2-7 09:41:14 上传

下载次数: 15

2.6作文  快来给lusota拍砖吧~不要客气~嘿嘿

小群群UID: 3091805

楼主 你们每天写的题目是自己定的吗？

wqr619UID: 3007621

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1285161&page=1&extra=#pid1775363428
32# 小群群

wqr619UID: 3007621

肿么赶脚越写越烂了呢。。。桑心。。。

kikyou_lrUID: 3228606

膜拜罚写墙的来了
我交完作文去上课，下课回来就北京时间凌晨了，所以不能在北京时间当晚改完，见谅
我的也等楼主拍砖哦
蹲着的猫2__7è_realistic dream.doc (34.5 KB, 下载次数: 11)

2012-2-8 10:13:37 上传

下载次数: 11

LusotaUID: 2929567

well done!
蹲着的猫--修改by lusota.doc (32 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2012-2-8 16:45:45 上传

下载次数: 5

2.7 作文批注 by lusota

wqr619UID: 3007621

这题目偶真是深有体会。。。

towardsBTUID: 3236375

sorry,这两天有点忙，才把6号的改完~~

laozhanguotoeflUID: 3246339

People are sometimes unwilling to move to a new town or go abroad, due to the problem of losing their friends’ contact. However, according to my experience, geographical distance dose not necessarily lead to lost of friendship感觉改为“loss of friendship 友谊的损失更好”. On the contrary, it fosters your communication with your former friends. My statement depends on the following reasons:

Life out of individuals’ hometown can broaden their horizon and enhance their communication skills, which in the end results in a much closer contact with former friends. Firstly, people who immigrate to other place, often have the opportunity to experience some relatively uncommon events, in the eyes of their former friends. And it is undisputable that people tend to befriend with those who have unique experience to share. Therefore, the immigrants can tell their former friends about some unusual stories so as to make a interesting conversation, which will definitely benefit their friendship. Also, individuals often move out of their hometown to pursue their promising career or study, which makes their friends proud to contact with them so as to enhance social relationship. What’s more, people who move to a completely unfamiliar city , have to make friends with people in the neighbourhood. This process can gradually enhance their communication skills with both their new friends and the former ones. Therefore, when people come back home to reunite with their old friends, their friends will be surprised to find out how a new environment successfully turn them into more approachable, humourous and nice characters.
觉得应该只保留nice与前面的形容词并列 characters表示性格貌似应该用单数
这段分析比较细腻，有条理，很好

Worry is that people who move out of town will lose the opportunity to contact with their friends. However the fact is usually the opposite 觉得作形容词更好只保留opposite. Take my own experience for instance, when I went to another city to study, my friends often contacted me via telephone or internet. Because, they are afraid of losing touch with me due to the distance. While after I returned back, I found they were often reluctant to call me because they found it convenient to pay a visit. However, the visit is comparatively rare due to the bad traffic of city 感觉去掉比较好. In the end, the communication with my former friends declined after I moved back.时间结束后写得：Long distance actually makes friends cherish their friendship more.
In conclusion, friendship will not be easily impaired by distance. On the contrary, geographical distance fosters better friendship as well as closer contact with friends.这句好


不会上传，就直接贴了

wqr619UID: 3007621

哇咔咔~~辛苦批改者~~~LZ拜谢~~~

wqr619UID: 3007621

谢谢修改~~~~ 39# laozhanguotoefl

小群群UID: 3091805

People are sometimes unwilling to move to a new town or goabroad, due to the problem of losing
theirfriends’ contact.（个人觉得改成due to being anxious about lossing...会更好 可以表现不愿意搬离）
However, according to my experience, geographicaldistance dose not necessarily lead to lost of
friendship. On the contrary, it (+may 会不会更好)fosters your communication with your former
friends.My statement depends on the following reasons:

Life out of individuals’ hometown can broaden their horizonand enhance their communication skills,
which in the end results in a muchcloser contact with former friends. Firstly, people who immigrate
to other place, often have the opportunity toexperience some relatively uncommon events, in the
eyes of their formerfriends.（这个句子lz调下句序会不会更好，好像有点别扭） And it is undisputable that
people tend to befriendwith those who have unique experience to share.（这点不错啊 我就没有想到呢）
Therefore, the immigrants cantell their former friends about some unusual stories so as to make a
interesting conversation, which will definitely benefit their friendship. Also,individuals often move out
of their hometown to pursue their promising careeror study, which makes their friends proud to
contact with them so as to enhancesocial relationship. What’s more, people who move to a completely
unfamiliarcity ,have to make friends with people in the neighbourhood. This process cangradually
enhance their communication skills with both their new friends andthe former ones. Therefore, when
people comeback home to reunite with their old friends, their friends will be surprised tofind out how
a new environment successfully turn them into more approachable,humourous and nice characters.
（这点也很赞）

Worry is that people who move out of town will lose theopportunity to contact their friends. However
the fact is usually the（去掉） opposite.Take my own experience for instance, when 改成though I went
to another city to study, myfriends often contacted me constantly via telephone orinternet.(我从别处学
到的一点就是像often这种词，可以背好6个复杂些的词汇 以便不时的替换，觉得很受用啊)Because, they are afraid
of losing touch withme due to the distance. While after I returned back, I found they were often
reluctant to call me because they found it convenient to pay a visit.（用prefer可能会更好 以表感情更近了）
However,the visit is comparatively rare due to the bad traffic of city.（不懂为何有这句） In the end, the
communication with my former friends declinedafter I moved back.
（感觉这一段和上一段有差距）
时间结束后写得：Long distance actually makes friends cherishtheir friendship more.
In conclusion, friendship will not be easily impairedby distance. On the contrary, geographical distance
fosters better friendshipas well as closer contact with friends.
我作文还处于初期阶段，不知改的好不好，还请lz谅解~~

wqr619UID: 3007621

辛苦辛勤的批改者，拍砖人啦~~~

wqr619UID: 3007621

2月10日 综合写作。。。复习以来第一次写。。。见谅见谅

shibin11UID: 3228029

~~ 语言 很好学习了。但是感觉不太抓题很多重要的地方都是一笔带过没有细节。。