【独立写作】sodapeng 托福写作

shibin11UID: 3228029

We have variety of dreams during the time we growing up, such as flying, being an astronaut or a teacher. Some of the dreams are unrealistic or even ridiculous; others may seem to be realistic. Nevertheless, when we grow up, we start to thinking which one should i（主语前后一致下） follow. the answer varies form individual to individual. in my point of view, i prefer to follow ambitious dreams and goals rather than the realistic ones.

It would be of use to begin by examing that everyone has the rights and demand to pursue their dearms regardless of reality. Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist, develops theory of the hierarchy of needs. a pyramid depicting the levels of human needs, psychological and physical. as the significant development has taken place in our society, we have already satisfy（satisfied） the first three level of the theory, thus we begin to take care of the forth level, self-esteem, which involves self-achievement. We all have demand to follow our dreams, although some of them heard to be unrealistic.

It also should be mentioned that follow the ambitious and goals, to some extent, can help to prompt the development of the whole society. Fort Henry, an American industrialist, sponsor of the development of the assembly line technique of mass production. His dream, producing a n automobile that everyone can afford it, seems to be incredible at that time. Instead of giving up his insistence help him to achieve his dream, which revolutionized transportation and American industry. His dream, so called ambitious and unrealistic at that time, is achieved by his diligence and intelligence, which is a breakthrough in the automobile industry and prompt the development of the society.

Undoubtedly, some people may claim that focusing on the realistic dream can help to increase the confidence from certain aspects. Seeing that the realistic dream can be easily achieved. However, this kind of confidence and gratification will make people satisfied their current lives, and to some extent, people may deny to make more progress. Ultimately, both personal and social development will remain stagnant.

Taking into account all these factors, we may draw the conclusion that following our ambitious dreams and goals even they are not realistic is beneficial.(个人觉得里面语法不太对)


例子都很牛 学习了。

stancy_zhangUID: 3235143

第一次改作文呐，自己水平也不是很高，如果有改错的地方，请多多原谅哈

As the significant development has taken place unevenly in the(去掉这个“the”) modern society, the developed countries like America seems（貌似应该去掉“s”，修饰developed countries） to offer more opportunities than the developing countries do. Thus, to some extent, this kind of imbalance development stimulates more youngsters to go abroad seeking for jobs.（读起来怪怪的，个人感觉饿） While some of them are reluctant to move to a new town or a new country, afraiding of losing their friend. However（加一个“，”）in my point of view, moving to a new town can (help us) not only make more new friends but also enjoy the exoticism. （这句话感觉句子成分不完整啊）

First and foremost, as the age of information, leaving for another town or country is not （是不是应该加一个the）agents of losing friends, people can use all kinds of techniques to get connection with their friends. The invention of cell-phone and computer changed(感觉不需要用过去时，用一般现在时就好了) the world’s connecting in fundamental ways. We don’t write letter any longer which takes even a month on conveying, instead, a cell-phone makes the connecting easy（这里是与前文的比较，个人觉得用easier）. Whenever and wherever we are, if I miss my friends, the only thing I have to do is opening my cell-phone and entering some number(numbers). The distance will never alienate the true friends.
Furthermore, people will meet great variety and diversity of folks in the new country and build relationship with them. When I was seven, my parents took me to another town to meet the need of working, and we settled down. At that time, I thought I must be lonely. However (,)the fact was proved that I was wrong. People (in)there are very friendly; my classmates show me the local culture and cuisine. They let me feel at home. From (the) friendly local citizens, individuals can know more about the country and that allow people to adapt to the new circumstances readily. （觉得后半部分也应该用过去时）

Ultimately, changing a place to live helps the(这个the应该去掉) people to get relaxed. A recent poll, conducted on line, ffered a world wide report about the satisfaction of your jobs. The result really surprise（surprised） me a lot(really, a lot 意思上感觉重复了，一个就可以了),over 80 percent of the attendant said that they get（got） bored when doing the same thing in the sameworking condition, and 60 percent of which claimed that they would like to changing the work place if it possible. It is very common for people who confront unchangeable things to feel（feeling） boring. When the individuals were in a different country, everything there may rise their curiosity up. Therefore （，）to help people get relaxed.
（在这一段中，过去时和一般现在时感觉用的很混乱）
The distance will never alienate the true friends. Leaving for another country（countries） will never lead to losing(lose) of(去掉) friends. Instead, we will have more frrends.(friends 拼写错误哦~)
总的来说，层次很清晰，用的例子也挺好的，自己觉得这篇文章中写的最好的是倒数第二段的用数据举的例子。就是，语法上有一些错误，以及有些段落中时态感觉用的有些混乱。

LusotaUID: 2929567

2.8 by Lusota

快来拍~

sodapengUID: 3242849

2月9日 100924NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? College or University should offer students more preparation before they start working. ; T# S' ^4 I0 Z- H' ]+

With the increasing number of the undergraduate, many college students are confronting a mass of pressure when finding a job. Some people claim that to cultivate the students with the advantage in struggle, college or university should offer more preparation like the chance of internship before students leaving school for working. While others argue that students will get experience themselves when they engaged in their position. In my point of view, college or university should offer students more preparation before they start working. The reasons are as following.

When offered the practical and career planning courses, the students can apply the things they have learnt in classes to the practice. There is a very common scene that undergraduate left nothing after four years’ study. The only thing we get is a score report with high marks which sarcastically reflect little knowledge left in our mind. Only through the practical courses can we make full use of the knowledge we learnt in the classes. Furthermore, a survey shows that nearly 80 percent of students have no idea which job suit them best. School only focus on the high-grade average and to some extent ignore the students’ future planning. As a result, graduated students can not find a job which they really interested in.

In addition, it is also of great importance for college to offer the chance of internship, which allows students to adapt to the working condition readily. A recent poll offered a world wide report that 76 percent of managers say that it is a substantive amount of money that they spend on training the new workers, and relatively they prefer the students with internship experience. If we want to surpass others in this competitive society, we have to know how to increase our advantage in the struggle, thus to gratify the market needs. Offer students more preparation like internship is advisable for university to increase their employment rate. Also for graduated students, is of great of benefit.

Admittedly, the things we learnt from practical courses or internship can also be learnt through working, they argue that taking practical courses is waste of time in college studying. Reasonable as it seems to be, it fact, it is too late for you to learn the things that ought to learnt in school in working. And the cost of it may be making a mistake or even losing a job.

Taking into account all these factors, we may draw the conclusion that College or University should offer students more preparation before they start working considering the students interests.

水果的夏天UID: 3022981

是这样的，你写1理论除了高分没什么作用,2需要实习。但是我觉得你还需要写学校给我们那些准备，这些准备有什么好处，你就写一个实习是不是太少了

水果的夏天UID: 3022981

比如给我门上职业规划课，还有就是模拟职场等等

stancy_zhangUID: 3235143

34# sodapeng 非常感谢sodapeng 细心地该我的作文呐，我觉得你的例子中的用数据来举例写的很好哦，我想问下，有些数据，是真实的，还是临时想出来的？

stancy_zhangUID: 3235143

很有缘分呐，又一次和sodapeng互批作文~下面是我的一些小小的建议，可能有什么不对的地方，希望互相改正呐
紫色是我的一些小小的建议；橘黄色是我觉得学习了得地方
With the increasing number of the undergraduate(undergraduates)（觉得这个词用的很好哦）, many college students are confronting a mass of pressure when finding a job. Some people claim that to cultivate the students with the advantage in struggle, college or university should offer more preparation like the chance of internship before students leaving school for working.(that后面加从句时，感觉直接加to很奇怪，可能把顺序改成college or university should offer more preparation like the chance of internship before students leaving school for working in order to cultivate the students with the advantage in struggle) While others argue that students will get experience themselves when they engaged（engage） in their position(positions). In my point of view, college or university should offer students more preparation before they start working. The reasons are as following(follows 更常见).

When offered the practical and career planning courses, the students can apply the things they have learnt in classes to the practice. There is a very common scene that undergraduate（s） left nothing after four years’ study. The only thing we get is a score report(对应前面的we，感觉用score reports更好) with high marks which sarcastically reflect little knowledge left in our mind. Only through the practical courses can we make full use of the knowledge we（have）learnt in the（去掉the） classes. Furthermore, a survey shows that nearly 80 percent of students have no idea which job suit them best. School only focus on the high-grade average （，）and to some extent（，） ignore the students’ future planning. As a result, graduated students can not find a job which they really interested in. 从昨天和今天的文中，有个小小的建议哦，sodapeng 在写插入语的时候不要忘了标点哈

In addition, it is also of great importance for college to offer the chance of internship, which allows students to adapt to the working condition readily. A recent poll offered a world wide report that 76 percent of managers say that it is a substantive amount of money that they spend on training the new workers, and relatively they prefer the students with internship experience. If we want to surpass others in this competitive society, we have to know how to increase our advantage in the struggle, thus to gratify the market needs. Offer（Offerrting） students more preparation like internship is advisable for university to increase their employment rate. Also for graduated students, is of great of benefit.觉得sodapeng 你的例子举得很好，用数据来说明，有个疑问，这个数据是真实的，还是临时写的？

Admittedly, the things we learnt from practical courses or internship can also be learnt through working, they argue that taking practical courses is waste of time in college studying. Reasonable as it seems to be, it fact, it is too late for you to learn the things that ought to learnt(learn) in school in working. And the cost of it may be making a mistake or even losing a job.

Taking into account all these factors, we may draw the conclusion that College or University should offer students more preparation before they start working considering the students interests.感觉结尾还可以丰富一点，最好不要用文章中的原话

chrissnakeUID: 3247408

With the increasing number of the undergraduate, many college students are confronting（直接用一般现在时吧） a mass of pressure when finding a job. Some people claim that to cultivate the students with the advantage in struggle, college or university should offer more preparation like the chance of internship before students leaving school for working.（这里用逗号） While others argue that students will get experience themselves when they（BE） engaged in their position. In my point of view, college or university should offer students more preparation before they start working. The reasons are as following

When offered the practical and career planning courses, the students can apply the things they have learnt in classes to the practice. There is a very（a very 改the most） common scene that undergraduate left nothing after four years’ study. The only thing we get is a score report with high marks which sarcastically reflect little knowledge left in our mind. Only through the practical courses can we make full use of the knowledge （that）we(has) learnt in the classes. Furthermore, a survey shows that nearly 80 percent of students have no idea which job suit them best. School only focus on the high-grade average and to some extent ignore the students’ future planning. As a result, graduated students can not find a job which they really interested in.

In addition, it is also of great importance for college to offer the chance of internship, which allows students to adapt to the working condition readily. A recent poll offered a world wide report that 76 percent of managers say that it is a substantive amount of money that they spend on training the new workers, and relatively they prefer the students with internship experience. If we want to surpass others in this competitive society, we have to know how to increase our advantage in the struggle, thus to gratify the market needs. Offer（to offer） students more preparation like internship is advisable for university to increase their employment rate. Also for graduated students, is of great of benefit(无主语).

Admittedly, the things we learnt from practical courses or internship can also be learnt through working, they argue that taking practical courses is waste of time in college studying. Reasonable as it seems to be, it fact, it is too late for you to learn the things that ought to learnt in school in working. And the cost of it may be making a mistake or even losing a job.

Taking into account all these factors, we may draw the conclusion that College or University should offer students more preparation before they start working considering the students interests.（should pay attention into students’ interests and offer students more preparation before they start to work）
PS.总体还不错,注意一下语法，多背些句子，加油

sodapengUID: 3242849

38# stancy_zhang 谢谢修改啦~~~那些数字必然是自己编的么= =。。。不要太离谱就行啊~~~。。你懂得。。ets考官很喜欢数字的~

sodapengUID: 3242849

35# 水果的夏天 恩。。。两个都放在第一个里面说了。。下次分开说= =

sodapengUID: 3242849

2.10综合 tpo2
In the lecture the professor says a example about the many people like to assemble a group when a new project started, it contrary to what they have expected.

In the lecture, the professor says that the responsibility won't be spread in a team. In the team, some members don't contribute at all, and when the team gets success, they also get the beneficial, but it is unfair to the individuals who provide a lot of insight views and recognition. This point is contrary to the reading passage that the group spreads responsibility for a decision to all the members.

Contrary to what have mentioned in the passage, the professor claim that it takes a long time for a group the reach the census. When a member comes up with an idea, an influential member may drag it out without further discussion. In addition, a member may figure out a highly creative solution, but the others are discussing the things which are far away from the direction, ignoring the advice. As a result, the team failed, all of the members will be blamed, because it is a group.

sodapengUID: 3242849

2月10日 101203NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently.

With one child policy published in China, every family has only one child. The child, to some extent, is regarded as the treasure of the family; their parents want to do everything they can for their off spring. Helping with children’s school work allow them to have a better future as parents expected. While others claim that parents should encourage their students to do their work independently, thus would help children to gain the self-recognition and self-thinking ability. I side up with the latter issue, the reason are as following.

First and foremost, encouraging children to do their work independently helps the children to develop their self-independence and to be mature. Without the parents’ help, the children have no choice but to do their school themselves, then they aware of the importance of class, because no one will help them. They have to learn how to find the solution to the problem, when there is no one can turn to. No matter how difficult the task may be, they are forced to keep going on, whether they reluctant or not. It is an unnegligible part of growing. From this process, when confronting any problem, children will know how to find the approach by themselves to triumph over the adversity.  

Secondly, letting the children to do their work by themselves can also sparks the children’s creativity. Yuanlongping, a Chinese agriculture scientist, is known as father of hybrid rice. When he suffered from the failure of corps, he didn’t cursorily attribute to climates as others did, he did some researches and the related experiments to find the real reasons and how to improve the productive rate to gratify the large number of people’s need. Through his long time period of working, he finally got the breed of corps which had high productive rate and feed the whole country. Same to the children’s work, encouraging children do their work independently, parents will cultivate children’s ability and triggers their creativity.

Undoubtedly, students may feel dispirited when they facing a tough job and finally they fail the task because of the lack of help. Thus, to some extent will lead to the seilf-confidenceless. However, just like the old saying goes: failure is the mother of the success, if children don’t know how to stand up without others support when they fall down, they will never grow up, not to mention making progress. The only thing we should do is to summarize the mistakes that have made and stimulate experience and keep holding on. Only from this way can you reach the success.

With the advent of science technology epoch, self-thinking and creativity are playing more and more important roles in developing a country, which should be converged in encouraging children to do work independently.

nimaoerzxyUID: 3180559

43# sodapeng

2月10日 101203NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently.


v
With one child policy （计划生育的翻译是family planning噢~~）published in China, every family has only one child. The child, to some extent, is regarded as the treasure of the family; their parents want to do everything they can for their off spring. Helping with children’s school work allow them to have a better future as parents expected. While others claim that parents should encourage their students to do their work independently, thus would help children to gain the self-recognition and self-thinking ability. I side up with the latter issue, the reason are as following.


First and foremost, encouraging children to do their work independently helps the children to develop their self-independence and to be mature. Without the parents’ help, the children have no choice but to do their school（but to do their school? 求解释） themselves, then they aware of the importance of class, because no one will help them. They have to learn how to find the solution to the problem, when there is no one can turn to. No matter how difficult the task may be, they are forced to keep going on, whether they （are）reluctant or not. It is an unnegligible （好像没有这个词）part of growing. From this process, when confronting any problem, children will know how to find the approach by themselves to triumph over the adversity. " T3 ?# c, e8 ~! b M! I
1 y E. V+ w8 S) i
Secondly, letting the children to do their work by themselves can also sparks the children’s creativity. Yuanlongping, a Chinese agriculture scientist, is known as father of hybrid rice（这个例子好）. When he suffered from the failure of corps, he didn’t cursorily attribute to climates as others did, he did some researches and the related experiments to find the real reasons and how to improve the productive rate to gratify （好词）the large number of people’s need. Through his long time period of working, he finally got the breed of corps which had high productive rate and feed the whole country. Same to the children’s work, encouraging children do their work independently, parents will cultivate children’s ability and triggers （trigger）their creativity. " x( r5 }9 u% a+ K. T- m1 g X- F

Undoubtedly, students may feel dispirited when they facing a tough job and finally they fail the task because of the lack of help. Thus, to some extent （it）will lead to the seilf-confidenceless.（木有这个词， 用self-contemptuous ） However, just like the old saying goes: failure is the mother of the success, if children don’t know how to stand up without others (others’)support when they fall down, they will never grow up, not to mention making progress. The only thing we should do is to summarize the mistakes that have (been)made and stimulate experience and keep holding on. Only from this way can you reach the succe

With the advent of science technology epoch, self-thinking and creativity are playing more and more important roles in developing a country, which should be converged in encouraging children to do work independently.
(写的太好了。。。。我自愧不如啊。。。哎。。。。)

shibin11UID: 3228029

In the lecture the professor says a example about the many people like to assemble a group when a new project started, it contrary to what they have expected.

In the lecture, the professor says that the responsibility won't be spread in a team. In the team, some members don't contribute at all, and when the team gets success, they also get the beneficial（benefits）, but it is unfair to the individuals who provide a lot of insight views and recognition. This point is contrary to the reading passage that the group spreads responsibility for a decision to all the members. 同意表达表达地很赞 学习了

Contrary to what have mentioned in the passage, the professor claim（claims） that it takes a long time for a group the(to) reach the census. When a member comes up with an idea, an influential member may drag（drop？） it out without further discussion.这边应该是说有影响力的人觉得不好的时候才会drop？不是只因为是member想的就drop吧？ In addition, a member may figure out a highly creative solution, but the others are discussing the things which are far away from the direction, ignoring the advice. As a result, the team failed, all of the members will be blamed, because it is a group.