作文贴

laozhanguotoeflUID: 3246339

2.23 独立

Frankie0616UID: 2763738

46# laozhanguotoefl 写的很好啊 基本找不出什么错处 不过可以用一些比较实际的例子，比如名人啊 什么的。向楼主学习啊

下垂眼之兔UID: 3249047

Certainly, the television changes our life, as it is a kind of popular electrical tool that not only brings us news as a replacement of newspaper but also plays an important role as the entertainment communicator. Children are undoubtedly attracted, because it displays so many fantastic programs which include films, cartoons, football and basketball games and s.Certainly, the television changes our life, as it is a kind of popular electrical tool that not only brings us news as a replacement of newspaper but also plays an important role as the uch. If we don’t allow the children to watch TV, it may sound a little cruel, so I agree with the opinion included in the title, and my reasons will be detailed as follows.(楼主这里说的比较含蓄 不知道直接点会不会好一些)

First of all, spending too much time on watching TV will have a negative effect on the children’s performance at school for certain. As we all know, reviewing is an essential step of mastering new knowledge. If children rush into the TV room after school and started to be amused by the players on the screen until the dinner time, how much time can they leave for study? From my point of view, parents should at least limit their children’s time on the TV before they finished their homework. What’s more, if you expect your child to be excellent, the strict management to prevent him from wasting too much time on the TV is really indispensible.

Second, staring at the colorful screen too long will reduce their interest in the real colorful world. If you find he becomes more and more unconcern when talking with you, but very concentrated when watching TV, I think it’s time for you to draw his attention from the TV to the outside world. It is easy to understand that if a person spends too much time on one thing, he will become indifferent with the others. For a student, his main task is study rather than TV. If he becomes indifferent with school work, he will be described as putting the cart before the horse. In order to avoid this result, responsible parents can’t indulge their children in watching TV.

Last but not the least, children’s eyesight will decline if they waste much time before the luminous machine. As a myopic patient, I have deeply felt the inconvenience in class although I wear a pair of glasses. For instance, you have to wipe it often to keep it clean, but which could have it scratched easily. Therefore, to avoid these problems troubling your child from the source, you’d better limit his time on the TV.

In a word, TV is just a tool of recreation, if the children are addicted to watching TV, then the TV changes into an obstacle of their study. So parents should limit the hours that a child spends on watching TV.
这是21号得作业。最近有点忙 改晚了。不过楼主写的相当好了，也找不到什么大问题都是小问题了。看了两三遍 实在是找不出来什么错了

Frankie0616UID: 2763738

楼主更新啊 来学习了

Frankie0616UID: 2763738

2。21的 也改了

laozhanguotoeflUID: 3246339

2012.2.24 独立
憋了半天~~

hipop1901UID: 2998491

The so-called upper society is really exists around us, and its members often consume entertainment in the first-class nightclubs where the poor may have no chance to go for all their life. And it’s cruel reality that poor people aren’t capable to make friends with rich people unless the latter are willing to do it. So my opinion is that the poor can’t become good friend of the rich, and my interpretation will be listed
as follows.
To begin with, it’s the big difference of their hobbies that determine that they can’t be good friends of each other. The rich have enough money live a luxurious life, for instance, they can play golf at weekend, go for a drive in their sports cars, buy expensive clothes and so on. While the poor
even
have no money to afford their tuition fees, how can they waste money to do those things?
How can they play together? It’s nearly impossible for the poor to share the same extravagant hobby with the rich, and the former also wouldn’t like to pretend that they are wealthy if only they are mad.(这里没看明白，是不是if only àunless)
In addition, rich people’s friends are high officials, famous entrepreneurs and millionaires in general. In other words, it’s the gap between their horizons that prevent them from being good friends. The rich usually talking(talks) something about famous brand(brands), investment, luxury and such(上次给你改错了，查了一下such可以做代词), while the poor only have to pay attention to saving money let alone spending too much money. Besides, the cost is too high to associate with the rich for the poor, and they have to live together their peers.
Last but not the least, even though the rich are willing to make friends with the poor, the relationship between them is unstable, because their living standards is so dissimilar. For example, the rich one can send the poor a costly birthday gift, but the poor one can’t.(这个要再发展一下：礼物的不平等怎么lead to instability of their friendship)
In conclusion, it’s difficult for two people to be good friends if one of them has more money than the other.

eileen73UID: 3256364

Generally, we have the similar experience to receive some pieces of advice from our eldership, and the advice can conduct their care to us, but is it reasonable? With the development of our society, our concept about the world has dramatically changed, and most of us have the ability do estimate independently, is it still necessary for us to accept the advice from our grandparents? From my point of view, no one is wise enough to make the right choice every time no matter how educated he is, so it is also helpful for us to be modest listeners. However, it is also dangerous for us to accept all of their advice because of the enormous gap between them and the quickly changing society. My viewpoint is divided into two sections, in other words, neither should we reject our grandparents’ advice drastically nor can we accept it without our independent thinking. My interpretations will be listed as follows.[楼主的结构很清晰，学习。我还有个疑问就是托福的作文开头是不是写长点好呢？感觉大家开头都不像中文作文那样短小。]
On one hand, something will never change with the flowing time, such as the principle of virtue, including kindness, integrity and such. It is widely acknowledged that the honest people are more popular than the pretend ones even though there exist many vile characters who get more benefits by some dirty means. My grandparents often instruct me to be a industrious and upright man though their action whenever I am depressed and heart-struck. Their words can inspire me and strengthen my mind every time when I need them, as a result, I gradually become stronger and stronger, and believe them.
On the other hand, when coming to some questions about the jobs, partners I am usually not in favor of them.[这句看不大懂 parents I am …..?]No one could deny that their though[是想写thoughts吧？] can’t vary with the society as fast as the younger people, so they are likely to be out of date when talking about some topics. For instance, they seldom or never know the most popular or hottest standpoint in the young people circle about the job, family and marriage, and it’s nearly impossible for us to explain our opinions clearly. Due to the difference between our grandparents and us, the conflict is inevitable. I firmly believe that if you think you are right, you can disagree with them for this time.
To sum up, we should respect our grandparents in behavior, but we can’t violate our aspiration[aspirations]. Therefore, weather to accept their advice or not do determined by our independent thinking.

楼主的思路很清晰，用词也亮。长短句也合理运用。值得我好好学习！

laozhanguotoeflUID: 3246339

2.25 独立

hipop1901UID: 2998491

Every year there are millions of graduates fighting for their way to get ideal jobs at careers(不用s) fairs all around the world. What on earth do they want? I think they will say “just a job”, and no one would like to think about this question further, because they are too busy to waste the time. However it’s of great importance
to shed light on the question for the reason that it would impact their choices in great extent. A job can bring someone wealth or status, at the same time, usually they can’t be obtained both. Which is more important? I think the answer varies with someone’s career period and personality. My opinion will be detailed as follows.
First, people at different age have different need, in my eyes, younger people are tend to value the wages while the older may pay more attention to the status as they have solved the problems of survival. In order to make enough money to support their families, it’s not difficult to understand that they are eager to get a high salary position with little consideration that weather they like it or not as well as if it is suitable for them. Hence the main purpose of the younger is money. For the older, they are usually occupying the important positions and high wages, and what they are caring about is not yet money but status. They are often good at office politics and may push aside each other for higher promotion, because they want to improve their status to satisfy their ambition.
Second, the situation also varies with the wealthy conditions and life goals. If someone is the offspring
of a billionaire, it’s unnecessary for he（him） to work for food(he has no need to work for food), as a result, he may choose a job which he is interested in, and money and status are meaningless for them（him前后一致）, working is just a way to enjoy life. On the contrary, a job is indispensible for a poor person. Because of this, he has no time to think something about the status, and what really matter is if the money is enough to support his basic life. No one could deny that everyone wants to live a comfortable life, but the
precondition
is either you are the next generation of wealth or you have the ability to make a large amount of money. As our common people, the most important thing after graduate is to find a job, and only after you have enough money can you live a dignified life, （建议加and）can you pursuit(pursue) your status.
In summary, I tend to believe that everyone has his own purpose and it may change with the increasing of the age. What we need to do is to do the right thing at the right period.
(赞一个~~)
问一下怎么以文档形式上传。
有批改错误，请指出。

Frankie0616UID: 2763738

闲着没事所以也来看看

idealibtUID: 2667256

laozhanguotoefl.doc (33 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2012-2-26 21:45:15 上传

下载次数: 2

葩公子UID: 3250277

Generally, we have the similar experience to receive some pieces of advice from our eldership, and the advice can conduct their care to us, but is it reasonable? With the development of our society, our concept about the world has dramatically changed, and most of us have the ability do estimate independently, is it still necessary for us to accept the advice from our grandparents? From my point of view, no one is wise enough to make the right choice every time no matter how educated he is, so it is also helpful for us to be modest listeners. However, it is also dangerous for us to accept all of their advice because of the enormous gap between them and the quickly changing society. My viewpoint is divided into two sections, in other words, neither should we reject our grandparents’ advice drastically nor can we accept it without our independent thinking. My interpretations will be listed as follows.（开头会不会有点长。。。）
On one hand, something will never change with the flowing time, such as the principle of virtue, including kindness, integrity and such. It is widely acknowledged that the honest people are more popular than the pretend ones even though there exist many vile characters who get more benefits by some dirty means. My grandparents often instruct me to be a industrious and upright man though their action whenever I am depressed and heart-struck. Their words can inspire me and strengthen my mind every time when I need them, as a result, I gradually become stronger and stronger, and believe them.
On the other hand, when coming to some questions about the jobs, partners I am usually not in favor of them. No one could deny that their though can’t vary with the society as fast as the younger people（？）, so they are likely to be out of date when talking about some topics. For instance, they seldom or never know the most popular or hottest standpoint in the young people circle about the job, family and marriage, and it’s nearly impossible for us to explain our opinions clearly. Due to the difference between our grandparents and us, the conflict is inevitable. I firmly believe that if you think you are right, you can disagree with them for this time.
To sum up, we should respect our grandparents in behavior, but we can’t violate our aspiration. Therefore, weather to accept their advice or not do determined by our independent thinking.
LZ逻辑性很强，但是第一段会不会有点长。。。
各种用法看得我眼花缭乱

gtlddsUID: 3228712

40# gtldds
上面scold的用法大概是合适的。。。今天找老师改作文用到这个词了，不过用的是动词，想起来给你批过，觉得我可能弄错了，不要误导你= =囧

laozhanguotoeflUID: 3246339

2012.2.27 独立