作文贴

laozhanguotoeflUID: 3246339

开贴时间：2012.2.7
欢迎大家来批改！！！

laozhanguotoeflUID: 3246339

2012.2.7  独立
    Nowadays, there are more and more big shots occurring around us, and many people would like to regard them as their idols because the majority of people want to be successful. What these big shots have done will be studied and imitated by their fans, including their interesting experiences and why they choose the not realistic goals and how they could be determined to realize them at last. Usually, their reply will be that they just do what they want and never think about if the targets are too high and they just try their best. It is their hard working that lead to their success.
    There exist many examples supporting their answers. Who could forecast that the Facebook would be one of the most popular social website as it was just be founded. Who could imagine that Bill Gates would set up the Microsoft and be the richest man in the word when he left the Harvard University, and no one was willing to believe that Steven Jobs, who is a geek, will be the president of the most famous and cool company, Apple, after he dropped out from the college. Very likely, these successful persons also did not think that they would won, and they just did all they can.
    So in my opinion, someone had better not to pay attention to if their dream is realistic or not, and what they need to do is to make a detailed plan and execute it strictly. In other words, the difficulty to have someone’s dream come true is relative, what be considered not realistic may be very easy in fact, and no one can predict the result before the deadline. As we all know, life is short and we should follow our ambitious dreams, follow our hearts and not to be obstructed by anything.

xiesisiminervaUID: 2997765

Nowadays, there are more and more big shots occurring around us, and many people would like to regard them as their idols because the majority of people want to be successful. What these big shots have done will be studied and imitated by their fans, including their interesting experiences and why they choose the not realistic goals and how they could be determined to realize them at last. Usually, their reply will be that they just do what they want and never think about if the targets are too high and they just try their best. It is their hard working that lead to their success.（最后一句话好像有点多余）1 （j  |8 W+ z. v8 @
    There exist many examples supporting their answers. Who could forecast that the Facebook would be one of the most popular social website as it was just be founded. Who could imagine that Bill Gates would set up the Microsoft and be the richest man in the word(world) when he left the Harvard University, and no one was willing to believe that Steven Jobs, who is a geek, will be the president of the most famous and cool company, Apple, after he dropped out from the college. Very likely, these successful persons also did not think that they would won, and they just did all they can.（这一段的排比写得挺好的，举了很多梦想家加实干家的例子，逻辑很清晰，即是为了说明有想法就去做不在乎结果的大牛们的答案，又与下文不在乎梦想是否实际相承接。作者似乎对于IT人员情有独钟。）
So in my opinion, someone had better not to pay attention to if their dream is realistic or not, and what they need to do is to make a detailed plan and execute it strictly. In other words, the difficulty to have someone’s dream come true is relative（, what be considered not realistic may be very easy in fact, and no one can predict the result before the deadline. As we all know, life is short and we should follow our ambitious dreams, follow our hearts and not to be obstructed by anything.
我看了两遍你的文章，觉得写得很好。改不出什么错误。思路很顺畅，第一段觉得第一段还可以更好一些.我的文章也请批改一下，谢谢哈https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1331992-1-1.html

laozhanguotoeflUID: 3246339

谢谢你的批改，第一次写toefl文章，花了一个多小时。。 3# xiesisiminerva

laozhanguotoeflUID: 3246339

    As we grow up day by day, most of us have the experience of moving from one place to another, and I believe the majority of us make more and more friends while losing a few ones in this process. However, with the development of the technology, people can communicate with each other in many different ways, like mobile phones, which all of us can afford, real-time communication software and social website. Therefore, it’s very convenient for us to get into touch with our old friends and even associate with some new friends through these electronic tools.
    For example, almost every college student or the generation after 80s in China has at least one count number of the most popular communication software, which is called QQ. Because of the fact that the number of its users is too large, it is really possible and easy for you to contact anyone you want to talk to. Many of us have been accustomed to immerse in cyber space where we will upload plenty of photographs, publish mood statements and blogs, and these information will be the fresh news in other people’ eyes, thus we can have the reason to chat with old friends and may attract some new people to be our friends. So there exist no necessary to worry about losing bosom friends in today’s world.
    In other hand, moving from one place from town to a new town can’t be avoided, because everyone wants to receive higher education and get a satisfied job. If the place which you dream of is far from your hometown, obviously you had to move, and it means that you are going forward in your life career. To my way of thinking, real good friends won’t forget you no matter where you are, and we should be positive to confront these moves in our life as they are the only way which must be passed before we reach our life destinations.

wqr619UID: 3007621

楼主过目~~

小群群UID: 3091805

第一次批改作文，改的不好请见谅。 As we grow up day by day, most of us have the experience of moving from one place to another, and I believe the majority of us make more and more friends while losing a few ones in this process. However, with the development of the technology, people can communicate with each other in many different ways, like mobile phones, which all of us can afford, real-time communication software and social website. Therefore, it’s very convenient for us to get into touch with our old friends and even associate with some new friends through these electronic tools. （楼主第一段连贯通顺又不乏内容）
    For example, almost every college student or the generation after 80s in China has at least one count number of the most popular communication software, which is called QQ. （虽说QQ是事实，但是写msn更好吧）Because of the fact that the number of its users is too large, it is really possible and easy for you to contact anyone you want to talk to. Many of us have been accustomed to immerse in cyber space where we will upload plenty of photographs, publish mood statements and blogs, and these information will be the fresh news in other people’ eyes, thus we can have the reason to chat with old friends and may attract some new people to be our friends. So there exist no necessary （it is unnecessary更舒服些）to worry about losing bosom friends in today’s world.
    In other hand, moving from one place from town to a new town can’t be avoided, because everyone wants to receive higher education and get a satisfied job. If the place which you dream of is far from your hometown, obviously you had to move, and it means that you are going forward in your life career. To my way of thinking,（啊哈，我都快忘了这种表述了，看见lz写的我能想起来了，呵呵） real good friends won’t forget you no matter where you are, and we should be positive to confront these moves in our life as they are the only way which must be passed before we reach our life destinations.
感觉楼主的功底还是不错滴，没什么错误，表达也听多样的，但文章感觉不是很完整，包括衔接~lz写完整后可以再传一次~~如果lz不嫌弃，我可以再改一遍写好滴~~O(∩_∩)O~
没有结尾哈~~

alexfanfanUID: 3133140

2012.2.7 独立3 {8 T0 L( a% z- H5 a6 x
Nowadays, there are more and more big shots occurring around us, and many people would like to regard them as their idols because the majority of people want to be successful. What these big shots have done will be studied and imitated by their fans, including their interesting experiences and why they choose the not realistic goals and how they could be determined to realize them at last. Usually, their reply will be that they just do what they want and never think about if the targets are too high and they just try their best. It is their hard working that lead to their success.

, m; q! t8 t1 }% E There exist many examples supporting their answers. Who could forecast that the Facebook would be one of the most popular social website as it was just be founded. Who could imagine that Bill Gates would set up the Microsoft and be the richest man in the word when he left the Harvard University, and no one was willing to believe that Steven Jobs, who is a geek, will be the president of the most famous and coolest company, Apple, after he dropped out from the college. Very likely, these successful persons also did not think that they would win, and they just did all they can.

9 ~; Y3 n- ~, ~: @ So in my opinion, someone had better not to pay attention to if their dream is realistic or not, and what they need to do is to make a detailed plan and execute it strictly. In other words, the difficulty to have someone’s dream come true is relative, what be considered not realistic may be very easy in fact, and no one can predict the result before the deadline. As we all know, life is short and we should follow our ambitious dreams, follow our hearts and not to be obstructed by anything.

首先，要致以歉意，拖欠了一天才给你改，不好意思！
整篇文章很通畅，lz功底深厚。但是更像是一篇随笔，而非ibt的考试作文。不过回想自己的第一次习作跟lz的完全不能比。lz加油，看看范文吧。

laozhanguotoeflUID: 3246339

2.9独立   
    Apparently, companies tend to employ the skilled or experienced employees in the labour market because that can save the time and money to do the training, which aimed at translating the green hand to the eligible staff. But the truth is that there are little fresh graduates who can meet this demand, for the reason that students have to spend plenty of time on leaning theoretical knowledge to deal with the heavy homework. Therefore, they have no time to handle the theory with practical operation, and lack the ability of adapt to the work in a short moment. As a result , College or University should offer students more opportunities to set up practice and teach them how to find a good job.
    Most of the time, our education system emphasizes the grading of students while ignoring to foster their ability to apply for a job, which would lead to an unreasonable phenomenon, that someone with a high IQ have a low EQ. For example, a traditional excellent college student usually has a strong brain, and they can remember lots of formulas, solve complicated math problems and get high grades in examinations easily, but they may not have encourage to find their ideal jobs if frustrated when employers aren‘t satisfied with their interviews. In other hand, although many students try to know something about the career prospects of their major, they often don’t know which corporation is the best fit for themselves when confronting so many kinds of companies. That may be caused the fact that they can’t confirm what they want to be in their life time as they have no time or awareness to think about this important question.
    So, it urgent for professional teachers to give them a guide, tell them how to be well prepared for the work and adjust themselves to the world out of the school.

美蓝UID: 3211855

改好了

laozhanguotoeflUID: 3246339

2.10 独立
In developing countries, there are much more population than that in developed countries, and the educational resources, which are possessed by a few famous schools, in these countries aren’t distributed evenly. If someone wants to exceed other students in examinations and be outstanding, he or she must do lots of homework. Besides, in order to help more students to achieve the chance to receive higher education, teachers have to assign much homework to strengthen students’ skills of solving problems. Therefore, the pressure of students is increasing, and they have no time to do want because the homework is too heavy to be finished ahead of schedule. They also have no choice but to accept this cruel reality and improve their ability to solve complex problems. So I think that parents can give a hand to their children at the right moment if necessary.
Parents should give a help, but it doesn’t mean that parents will do homework to replace their children. I mean that parents should play a role as the good teacher, their duty is to supervise their ‘students’ to learn, review and finish homework in time and provide some guidance when the students need some help when comprehending new or difficult knowledge. Obviously, it’s right for parents to encourage their children to do their homework independently, but they can’t pay no attention to their children’s study. On the contrary, they must spend most of their spare time on the study of their children because it will influence the children’s future. If a student get stuck in the aspect of school work, and his or her parents are always very busy with their own work and can’t make some time to give a comfort, you can imagine how painful will the students be!
In a word, it very necessary for parents to give a help to their children, and only through this can the children have good psychological health and become excellent enough.

美蓝UID: 3211855

谢谢啦~~~

xoverUID: 3247711

In developing countries, there are much more
larger population than that in developed countries, and the educational resources, which are possessed by a few famous schools, in among these countries aren’t distributed evenly. If someone wants to exceed other students in examinations and be outstanding, he or she must do lots of homework改成exercises比较好吧. Besides, in order to help more students to achieve the chance to receive higher education, teachers have to assign much homework to strengthen students’ skills of solving problems. Therefore, the pressure of students is increasing, and they have no time to do（what they） want because the homework is too heavy to be finished ahead of schedule. They also have no choice but to accept this cruel reality and improve their ability
abilities更好吧？ to solve complex problems. So I think that parents can give a hand to their children at the right moment if necessary. % d- i# d1 z) i& o! B- f+ I
Parents should give a help, but it doesn’t mean that parents will
should应该更好吧 do homework to replace
instead of
查了下字典replace用在此处不恰当 their children. I mean that parents should play a role as
of the good teacher, their duty is to supervise their ‘students’ to learn, review and finish homework in time and provide some guidance when the students need some help when comprehending new or difficult knowledge.这句出现2个when哦，貌似有点问题，你改下吧 Obviously, it’s right for parents to encourage their children to do their homework independently, but they can’t pay no attention to their children’s study. 逻辑有点混乱啊，转折后又用双重否定来肯定。On the contrary, they must spend most of their spare time on the study of their children
感觉怪怪的。because it will influence the children’s future. If a student get stuck in the aspect of school work, and however
应该是转折关系而不是并列关系吧。 his or her parents are always very busy with their own work and can’t make some time to give a comfort, you can imagine how painful will the students be!改成suffer更好形象吧
/ l' W5 ^" A9 }' [" ?7 Q4 w% w6 K; TIn a word, it is very necessary for parents to give a help to their children, and only through this can the children have good psychological health and become excellent enough.

laozhanguotoeflUID: 3246339

2.11独立
As we all know the University professors play an important role in the development of technology, and they find many new theories, invent many advanced instruments, which bring us a new vision of the world and improve peoples’ standard of living to a large extent. Another important responsibility they undertaken is to be a school teacher, which I think is of higher priority. Usually professors with abundant project experience is more popular among students, because they can translate knowledge with vivid examples about their project they have done, and students also will comprehend the theories easier and firmer. So my opinion is that professors should spend some time on doing research in order to give a better lesson to students.
However, there are a few professors spend too much time on doing research, and they have no time to prepare for their lessons, thus the quality of teaching become worse, which lead to the fact that students can’t understand what they talk in the class and as time goes on, there are more and more students choose to stay in the dormitory rather than go to the classroom. If there are a large number of students can’t achieve knowledge in the class, they education will become meaningless, and no one would like to waste four years of precious youth to go to college from then on. Oh, you can imagine that it’s really a bad situation. Professors should put their duty, imparting knowledge and educating people, on the most important position of their schedule. If the students don’t learn what the professors want to teach, who will have the ability to inherit their research work?
There is no doubt that professors should pay enough attention to their class, only through this can our society develop continuously. Therefore, my conclusion is that professors can spend time on doing research in the condition of keeping a high quality of the lesson.

loveinwcUID: 3241878

对不起，改晚了！！！！今天在外面迷路了！！杯具啊！！