[主题活动] issue同主题写作-第三类 8月12-13日 [复制链接]

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发表于 2017-8-11 16:04:14 |显示全部楼层

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本帖最后由芥弥于 2017-8-12 12:13 编辑

Issue 77

The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第3种: through classification of key terms in the issue statement，具体来说，将contemporary culture分类 music, literature, architecture

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：Cultural expression and representation are pervasive in individual interations and the social structure. Thus, it plays an important role in understanding our human society. When it comes to the best way to understand the culture of the day, some contend that one should investigate the trends of the young generation. In my opinion, the crux of this question lies in which types of contemporary culture we are talking about. For music, the trends of youngsters should be the main subject of study in order to grasp the lastest fashion. For other forms of contemporary culture such as architecture and literature, we shoud mainly interview contemporary architectors and famous writers respectively rather than analyzing the trends of the youth.

主题句1
Studying the most popular genre and style of music among the young generation allows us to grasp culture and spirits they want to express behind the music in an efficient manner.
      Example 1: latest gnre, hip-hop, R&B, character, rebellion, against authority
      Example 2: Lyric analysis, key words, spirit, antiwar, peace, love

主题句2
While investigating the popular trends of music among youngsters could efficiently understand one part of contemporary culture, this principle does not hold true for architecture since the young generation are neither the main consumers nor the desigers in terms of architecture.
      Example 1: Youth, large majority, passive recipient, less control over the style of design of architecture, cannot show the pattern of culture
      Example 2: Architector, small group, unique concept in design, reflection of culture trend

主题句3
Likewise, we should also investigate the ideas of those contemporary writers to have a sense of the trends of contemporary culture since they are the main creators of literature genre as a part of cultural expression, rather than the opinions from the young people.
      Example 1: Youth, guided by the writers, not knowing where heading for
      Example 2: Writers, clear understanding of the trend of literature, their thoughts=soical reality=one facet of contemporary culture e.g.Amusing Ourselves to Death, Neil Postman

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑：
分类比较难找，开头引入主题略显生硬。

While investigating the popular trends of music among youngsters could efficiently understand one part of contemporary culture, this principle does not hold true for architecture since the young generation are neither the main consumers nor the desigers in terms of architecture. Since most of the young people are in the process of paying off all kinds of debts, they does not have much money at their disposal, thus having no say in the decision of the architecture design. In addition, most people pay much attention to the practical use of an apartment or a house while knowing less about their concepts and ideas behind the design. In this sense, we could get barely nothing by simplying investigating public opinions of architecture in order to grasp the contemporary culture. Instead, we should interview the designers and engineers of the building to know what are the notions behind the building and what kinds of materials and techniques are applied in the process of building up the architecture. Only in this way could we understand the trends of architecture today in order to have a clear understanding of contemporary culture. In sum, it is a wiser choice to investigate the ideas proposed by architectors and engineers rather than the opinions of the young generation to understand the dynamics of architecture and, thus, the patterns of contemporary culture.

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发表于 2017-8-12 13:04:03 |显示全部楼层

本帖最后由 bio-L 于 2017-8-13 21:05 编辑

我选的77题

The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true andexplain how these considerations shape your position.

Framework：第一种方式确定effective 的含义，Effective : directly fast and valid

directly
—年轻人玩法多样有很多渠道了解社交平台，消费情况。并且可能乐意参与调查
快速获得大量信息
--喜欢表现present themselves，交流多，
information validity
--接受者，具有一定代表性同时也具有一定的局限性。
开头段：
原（To analyze if analyzing the trend of youth is the most effective way to understand contemporary culture, we should learn if this analyzing method is direct, fast and valid.）
改(借鉴阿之的)：There are different ways to try for a better understanding of contemporary culture, which include but  not limited to analyze the trend of youth, the predilection of middle-aged and the lifestyle of elderly. Although one has the choice to take above the method discretionarily, but maybe analyzing the youth is more effective, due to its  quality of direct, fast and valid.
主题句一
For youngsters nowadays have plenty of ways to present themselves, and maybe they are readily to be interviewed in general, so “direct” could be guaranteed.
e.g. Social medium like Facebook, consumption.

主题句二
Youth are the group of people who most eagerly present themselves. they talk about the trend openly and participate in others’ topic actively, so we could get information to understand contemporary culture quickly.
e.g. Social medium like Facebook

主题句三
besides, in a sense youth are the receiver, they intend to learn the culture from their parents and teachers. So analyzing the trends of youth is representative in some extend.
However, the trends of youth still cannot reflect the whole aspects of the culture, so we still need to learn the trends of adults for better understand the culture.
e.g. Attitude of marriage
what’s the percentage of the people who wouldn’t like to marriage?

感想：
这个题目很抽象，我不知道如何把握contemporary culture，也不知道如何用具体事例理解the trends of youth 和它的关系。之所以从effective切入，就是因为对这两个理解不到位。（希望有人能在这方面指点我……）
另外我也考虑了从年龄段切入，但是不知道怎么区分其中的差别。
还有我不知道例子中可不可以用中国的东西，能不能用拼音，比如tieba等，这样好不好啊?
强行分类应该可以吧？毕竟effective是抽象词。
点评
天地1沙鸥同学的框架合理，分出的三个平行论点可以支持主题。
在开头段，由于运用了两段作为一个开头，我觉得可以再精简一点，这样显得更扣题。
例子方面，由于argument看多了，所以感觉有一点以局部代替整体，比如第三个论点，只写郭敬明无法很好地证明中国的文学市场学生占大多数。沙鸥同学可以换个文学领域再举其它例子以使论证更充分。或者运用事理论证的方法，比如说进行这样的推理：由于年轻人热爱读书，阅读面广，而书籍出现的目的是传播思想，它是获取知识经验的一大途径。因此年轻人对书籍具有高的市场需求。这时候再举例，然后反过来论证下如果没有年轻人，书籍文化可能不复存在。（编的，可能不对）
然后在语言方面，沙鸥同学可以尝试着更精炼稳妥些。在开头段，culture current据谷歌页面看来表达不是很合适，应该表达为current culture。 “surely demands us  to know”后面跟的应该是原因（条件）哦，demand 的意思是需要。
“those of young age ”，现在感觉有点啰嗦，虽然我也经常有这样的表述……
“among  young the represented ”没太理解，虽然感觉得到要表述什么。不过总体来说还是不错的。

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发表于 2017-8-12 13:44:26 |显示全部楼层

9.
In any field of endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第3种分类原题中的key term，具体来说将题目中的 field 分为 science, society, humanity。

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
Isaac Newton have ever said that If he have been able to see further, it was only because he stood on the shoulders of giants which means that his success can’t leave the previous results by other people. It is obvious making a vital contribution must be strongly influenced by the achievement which existed before and the previous studies take an important role in the outstanding accomplishment mostly in all fields like science, society and humanity.

主题句1
Science research have developed about thousands years and each contribution can’t leave the predecessors’ research.
具体例子或细节
Apple MacOS
原因
有了计算机的出现和计算机语言的发明才能促使MacOS的诞生和传播

主题句2
It is necessary that people should use past achievement to study the whole world in society.
具体例子或细节
Columbus discovered the new world
原因
指南针的应用和传播促使了哥伦布的伟大发现

主题句3
When a great writer came out he must be studying past works for years to make a full view about humanity.
具体例子或细节
The formation of prom in Song Dynasty
原因
宋代逐渐形成了自己的诗词体系和文化并且借鉴了唐诗文化

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑
第三个领域的例子不太好想。
写TS的时候感觉翻来覆去就是把issue重新写一遍，不知道还应该添一点什么内容，总感觉表达上少了点什么

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发表于 2017-8-12 14:17:50 |显示全部楼层

本帖最后由阿之于 2017-8-12 15:26 编辑

Issue 77

The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第2种:By considering an issue from different perspectives or in different contexts
简单来说，将elder作为youth的对立面，将contemporary culture分为fashion trends, contemporary art, the usage of new inventions。再对比是否youth比elder更effective.

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
In my understanding, contemporary culture includes but not is limited to fashion trends, contemporary art, and the application of newly emerged inventions. Although by studying some specific elder people, people can understand the contemporary culture, I agree that studying youth would be a more effective way, if one wants to analysis current trends, art, social norms or new inventions, due to the larger representative population and a general better understanding of the pop culture.

主题句1:
It is not deniable that some elder adults are an active part of contemporary culture and studying them will lead to a good understanding of the culture.
Example 1: In fashion trend, lots of the top designer are not young any more, such as Tom Ford, who is defining the fashion among the world. (his movies, cosmetic brand, clothing design)
Example 2: For contemporary art, which is an important part of the culture nowadays, not all creative artists are young. Eg, Picasso, Hollywood directors, the elder actors.

主题句2:
Even though it is possible to study the current culture form elder people, we must understand that not the majority of elder people is going to be suitable representatives for the current culture. Therefore, it won’t be the most effective way. On the other side, younger generation have a bigger population that could represent contemporary culture, and make the analysis effective.
Example 1: In fashion trend, also most all models, fashion bloggers are young (instagrammers). The customers of the fashion products are mostly young people as well. Young people are also what fashion products targeted on. (Forever 21, H&M, or Kate Spade)
Example 2: people working in the art industry tends to be younger as well. Young actors, rising directors, and young contemporary artists.
Example 3: young people is also a big portion for the usage of new inventions. (examples: tech stuff, like apps and websites: uber, instagram, pinterest...etc)

主题句3:
In addition to youth’s advantage in a large population that represent contemporary culture, youth also have a better general understanding of the culture nowadays, which make it more effective.
Example 1: people learn and adapt to new cultures quicker when they were young. (elder people → original ideas rooted in the mind → potential of judging contemporary culture. From the elders who is willing to adopt → still need to change what they already had. Whereas youth is growing up with it with nothing occupied mind earlier, so easier)

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑：
觉得第三点不太好找例子，但是可以做logic reasoning，不知道是不是可以的一种写法。
对于culture,定义的时候觉得current rituals很重要，但是分段写的时候其实没写到。。。不知道是不是删了比较好。

关于4楼：

1）提纲的框架是否合理？
合理。个人觉得可以再generalize一点儿，比如分类为contemporary pop culture and contemporary serious culture. pop culture包括现在流行的音乐，art之类的，可能以年轻人为主导；serious culture比如建筑，严肃文学，则可能并不能以年轻人为代表来研究。另外我写的时候是把effective当做题眼的一部分，但是看这篇没有提到而是换成了efficient（我写的时候也是，后来发现改回去了），觉得这两个词还是有区别的。

2）提纲所用的例子是否合适？
大体合适。只是不太能想象提到的一些怎么具体举例，感觉比较意识流？那种很多reasoning来说服，但是没有具体例子的感觉。

3）开头段语言方面有哪些问题？
没看出什么问题！

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前路尚有希望...
不要放棄治療QAQ

天地1沙鸥
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发表于 2017-8-12 14:25:43 |显示全部楼层

本帖最后由天地1沙鸥于 2017-8-12 21:13 编辑

77 The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your

reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第1种  支持作者观点通过添加原文的含义，具体来说，
contemporary culture 分为 music/ movie/ literature 3个子方面

我的提纲如下
TP：
As the wake of increasing messages we can touch with, numerous information crowds into our brains everyday. It is widely accepted that the culture of our society has changed significantly since we stepped into the Information Age. Therefore, here comes the heated debate whether to analyze the predilection of youth most helpful to master
contemporary current ? As for me, the analyzation of culture current, including music, movie and literature, surely demands us to know well about the tendency of the youth.

TS1 目前当代流行音乐的主流受众是青年人
First of all, dominating customer of the contemporary music is those of young age. Therefore, before getting to know about the dominated music, it is indispensable to know well about their tendency which varies significantly from the customers decades before.
Example: TF boys, one of the most popular group in China contemporary music,
Reason: to know about the popular trend among young they represented, we must to learn about what young  interested in

TS2  当前电影市场的主流消费权掌握在年轻人手中
Moreover, there is no denying that the major market on movies is contributed by the young. Hence, to well understand the contemporary movie, we must to analyze the predilection on the movie of the youth.
Example: Major movie companies in China, create many movies with low quality but attracts youth
Reason: They know well about the principal the youth represents the contempary trends

TS3 现代的文学市场年轻人所喜欢的更倾向于成功
In addition, here comes the generally accepted rule that writers who cater the youth is more likely to success in contemporary literature.
Example: Jingming Guo,  become successful in literature commerical because of writing for youth
Reason: the major customer on contemporey literature are youth, who satisfies them,who successes

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑
当时想从youth 角度分成支持观点，反对观点，中立三种角度，感觉不太好分，然后想到目前全面支持对
culture 限定为music，movie，literature 3方面，但分论点目前只是从3种不同角度去分析，实际上都是年轻人是当代潮流主要消费人，这样算是重合吗？

回答10楼，给我的感觉是侧重于回答“如何通过了解年轻人的文化来理解当代文化”，不知是否切题
因为我当时选的是是支持观点，有效的理解潮流需要去分析年轻人，所以需要去了解年轻人喜好角度出发，具体分为music，movie,literature 3角度，可能3个其实如果宏观来看是从年轻人是当代潮流角度来分析的，这也是我的疑问点所在

关于6楼的作文
整体感觉角度的方法比较好，尤其前两个，但最后一个角度如果指人类的话感觉不太好，可以换一个比如

艺术，作者好像也感到不太好阐述，第三个TS的writer角度似乎与中心思想不符。
1）第二个角度是study the whole world in society,是不是可以从促进社会发展角度更好些？
2）第三个角度如果改成文化是不是会更好一些，这样例子反而比较恰当
3）文中多次用到leave，感觉可以换成其他动词，比如depend, based on

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发表于 2017-8-12 15:15:13 |显示全部楼层

本帖最后由战G进行时于 2017-8-12 15:57 编辑

Issue No. 9
In any field of endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Framework
我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第1种将领域划分为文化（文学及哲学批评）、科学（物理学）、政治经济学。具体来说，......

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
The development of human society is indispensable to the inheritance of our ancestors’ achievements. In any field, knowledge is passed from generation to generation, strongly influencing the appearance of new accomplishments. Among those fields, literature, science and legislation are picked out as representative examples to illustrate the great influences of past achievements in certain field.
主题句1 In literary field, the advancement of both critical theories and literary works is inseparable from precedent achievements.
具体例子或细节
Example 1: Nietzsche is influenced by Schopenhauer and Greek tragedies
Example 2: The success of Max’s theory is indispensable to the conclusion of the great achievements of his predecessors.
Example 3: Thackeray borrows the name of “Vanity Fair” from Bunyan’s The Pilgrim’s Progress as the title of his work.

主题句2 It is impossible to realize the promotion of science without the past achievements.
具体例子或细节
Example 1: Einstein’s theory of relativity vs. Newton’s law of gravity.
Example 2: Tu Youyou and traditional Chinese medical science.
Example 3: Copernicus and Bruno

主题句3 The enactment of law is based on the conclusion of precedents.
具体例子或细节
Example 1: Japanese legal system is based on that of Germany.
Example 2: Amendments of American law is due to the previous struggle of women and workers.

中间段写作练习
“In literary field, the advancement of both critical theories and literary works is inseparable from precedent achievements. For instance, Nietzsche, the well-known philosopher and critic, proposes his famous theory of tragedy based on comprehensive analysis of Greek culture, especially its tragedies. He uses Dionysus and Apollo in Greek myths to name his philosophical concepts, the former meaning catharsis and the latter symbolizing temperance. Besides, Nietzsche is also strongly influenced by Schopenhauer whom he deeply admires. Furthermore, Max is also an appropriate example that shows the hand-down of knowledge. Although Max fiercely criticizes capitalism, his theory is based on the conclusion of capitalist theorists, such as Adam Smith’s capitalist theory. In addition, Max’s concept of alienation is rooted in Hegel’s theory and is broadly accepted by literary critics of later times like the Frankfurt School. It is also true when it comes to literary works that past achievements are necessary to promote the development in certain field. John Bunyan is famous for his allegory The Pilgrims Progress, in which the vanity fair is an important scene where everything can be transacted. Thackeray borrows the name of “Vanity Fair” from Bunyan’s work as the title of his work, which perfectly suits the theme of his novel.”

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑
1. 疑惑：文章中忌讳出现I, We, Our这种可能会显得比较主观的词么？
2. 感想：还是写到自己熟悉的领域比较顺手。有的题目很难想到合适的题目，虽然看到其他人的例子时会恍然大悟原来这个也可以。

我来点评其他网友
楼层： 5楼

1）____网友提纲的框架是否合理？
不太合理，定义effective感觉不如定义contemporary culture或者所有可能体现当代文化的人群合适。从后文来看，主题句应该是我们不仅仅能从年轻人身上了解当代文化，其他比如老年人也是可以的。

2）____网友提纲所用的例子是否合适？
例子不太合适，主要因为立意有些偏，跟主题中区分effective这一点关系不大。
如果以“我们不仅仅能从年轻人身上了解当代文化，其他比如老年人也是可以的。”为主题，年轻人可以用的例子：网络用语、comic culture动漫文化。
老年人：广场舞、养生heathy lifestyle.

3）____网友开头段语言方面有哪些问题？
第一句几乎照搬题目，没有真正paraphrase。
TS1 语法错误缺少主语。
一些小的语法错误

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发表于 2017-8-12 15:27:59 |显示全部楼层

ISSUE 77
The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

写提纲所遵循的思路主要是从如何理解"effectively understand contemporary culture"出发，年轻人中的潮流文化最显著、最前卫，而大众文化虽然更内敛，但是扎根在很多人的日常生活和思维当中。

开头段全文：
Culture has morphed with times, and evolved in accordance with corresponding conditions, constantly refreshing itself while responding to demands of times. When it comes to the understanding of contemporary culture, there are always a host of different opinions held by different individuals. Are the trends of the youth sufficient in reflecting contemporary culture? Admittedly, the young population are by far the most expressive and progressive ones in the society, which makes it both easy and worthwhile to capture the changes in their thinking as well as way of living. However, people of any age represents an indispensable part of their own cultural group. Studying the coexistence and interaction of these cultural groups can benefit us in understanding contemporary culture. Furthermore, even though new ideas among the youth seems more visible, it often turns out that the traditional ones understood by the majority are embedded in the core of contemporary culture.

中间第一段：
Trends of the youth, to some extent, represents the significant potential of contemporary culture.
-Uber改变人们的出行方式，Airbnb重新定义了旅行这个概念，广受年轻人追捧的潮流很可能改变人们的思维方式，孕育新的经济增长点。
-年轻人的思想很容易从Twitter的hashtag，街头的涂鸦和学生运动中观察到，是当代文化最活跃、最显著的文化群体

中间第二段：
However, the more traditional and inert cultural groups also consist important part of contemporary culture...Hence, to gain a comprehensive view of culture, both the emerging new and the existing old has to be carefully examined.

中间第三段：
Even though new ideas attract more attention, the existing social norms are of most significance in social life. The fact that these they are less progressive and less visible doesn’t mean they could be comfortably ignored. Quite the opposite...
-根深蒂固的阶级观点虽然难以察觉，但是已经构成了文化的重要部分。

对八楼作文的一点看法：
1. 结构、思路都非常清晰
2. 给我的感觉是侧重于回答“如何通过了解年轻人的文化来理解当代文化”，不知是否切题

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深井冰233
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发表于 2017-8-12 16:00:08 |显示全部楼层

本帖最后由深井冰233 于 2017-8-12 20:48 编辑

我的选题：9
In any field of endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

是否同意及不同情况下是否正确命题
框架构建方法：第三种 through classification of key terms in the issue statement
成立1：时间跨度长、进度缓慢的研究，如心理学/行为学的长期跟踪调查、药物研发的长期临床试验
成立2：研究对象成分多且复杂，如信号通路的研究
不成立：飞速发展的新兴领域，如神经科学对大脑的研究，计算生物学对大数据的解读

TS
Whether the statement holds true depends on the field and the type of researches. For slow-progressing researches, past achievements strongly affect present studies. For studies on complex systems with numeric components, significant contributions cannot be made without past efforts. While in fast-developing new fields, important contributions come from complete innovation.

pt1
For slow-progressing researches, new studies rely heavily on the outcomes of past relative studies.
eg:
behaviarol psychology: long-term tracking experiments
drug development: new pharmaceutical drugs have to undergo long-term pre-clinical, clinical and post-clinical researches for efficacy and safety evaluation

pt2
For studies on complex systems with numeric components, significant contributions cannot be made without past efforts.
eg:
Signal transduction pathways are processes by which chemical or physical signals are transmitted through a cell or a group of cells. Most of them in human organisms are complicated networks, encompassing hundreds of molecules and proteins. To solve a biological problem or answer a biological question about a signal transduction pathway, it requires long time and often joint efforts from different research groups. Therefore, every new contributions have a close relationship with past ones.

pt3
In fast-developing fields, however, there are few accumulated accomplishments for new researchers to refer - they have to develop new approaches and look at problems from original perspectives. Their contributions to the fields have little connection with past efforts.
eg:
neuroscience, brain research
computational biology, big data

困惑：
“in any field ……”文学/历史/经济等不了解的领域不涉及会显得片面吗
举例时常常会犹豫，因为自己会在心里反驳自己……

点评：楼下wanghaitao199391同学

三段主题句衔接很好，不过感觉逻辑上不是很有说服力。
论点1：我认为存在偶然的新发现，这种偶然大多数发生在熟悉的领域工作中，如果一个数学家发现了某个数学定律/统计规律，他不会想到把新发现应用到自己完全不熟悉的生物学领域；不过对于生物狗来说，平时会做不同的实验，一个实验的结果可能会对另一个实验带来启发。另外，现在交叉学科的概念越来越强化，许多大学增设交叉学科，自然科学、计算科学、工程学相互融合比较普遍，不能说差别已经非常大（好像还有点越来越大的意思），要想在某一领域取得成功，不仅需要该领域的知识，还需要懂一些其他领域的知识，一方面实现题目所说的情况，另一方面促进交流合作。
论点2：偶然的发现建立在正确的方法和坚持上，确实没错，但是这没有回应题目的要求，并且与论点1相悖（既然能举出实例证明2，那么偶然地发现就是存在的）（另外，论点2举例中说马云通过正确的方法和坚持成为了电商行业的精英，偶然发现去哪了？）
论点3：看起来像是不鼓励跨界/学科交叉……并且这个庞大的工程一定是生物学家/环境学家/工程师/程序员等各种各样的人参与的，与论点相悖吧

语法
开头第一句语法有误：1无主谓，句子主体是as...that-从句；2从句中 many ... creations are ... achieved while seeking the answer to one question 没问题，但是后面的从句应该用错了，题目中it is ... that是一个强调句。
开头第二句同样没有谓语；because of
主题句1：differences
主题句2：must have
主题句3：前面两个逗号停顿好像有点多余；amateur accident 有这样的搭配吗？
example1：so many discoveries；keeping practicing（作主语，另外不是10000小时理论吗？Malcolm Gladwell 提出的？）
example2：difficulties；speciality用错了吧，是专业/专长的意思
example3：我觉得过去的事情用过去时态比较好；professions can't make it
中间段：before后面加的that……句式杂糅了吧；persons？；could

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发表于 2017-8-12 17:37:39 |显示全部楼层

本帖最后由 wanghaitao199391 于 2017-8-12 17:46 编辑

在昨天辅助思路下继续练习
27.Many important discoveries or creations are accidental: it is usually while seeking the answer to one question that we come across the answer.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position， you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position

我总结出的三个主旨句：
1.总的来说，现代社会不存在偶然的新发现。不同专业间的差别已经非常大，要想在某一领域取得成就，必须付出大量时间学习该专业。（以文艺复兴时期和1000小时理论为例）
2.即使有，偶然的发现建立在正确的方法和坚持研究的基础之上。（以马云为例）
3.更多时候，专业人士努力研究了都没有任何发现，何况非专业人士。（人造生态系统的实验为例）

第一步；请利用同意转换(paraphrase)的方式介绍要讨论的问题作为文章的开头
As the statement argues that many important discoveries and creations are accidentally achieved when seeking the answer to one question that we come across the answer.
第二步；用一句话概括三个论点为主旨句
Generally, new discoveries established on the basic of perseverance rather than accidental things because these three reasons.
第三步：将三个主题句用自己的话复述
1.In modern society, there is no such “accidental” discovery in almost any field. Information exploding, there are more and more different among distinct professions, anyone who wants to make new discovery in typical filed must spend much time in learning what have been done and what to be done.
2.If there is accidental discovery, the finder has worked for a long time in certain vocation and has already become professional in this field.
3.The fact is, sometimes, even professional study can’t lead to new discovery, let alone the amateur accident.
第四步：每个主题句下加一行例子和例子能支撑论点的理由
Example
1.Scientific discovery calls for long-time diligent study since there are so much discoveries done before that can be utilized. What’s more, keep practicing over 1000 hours can finally bear fruits.
2.Jack Ma overcame lots of difficult before being the speciality of Electronic Business.
3. Biosphere 2 is a famous experiment in which scientists want to replicate the Biosphere, but they finally failed. Professional can’t do, not to speak of amateurs.

中间段写作练习
“In any given different field, new discovery calls for long-time diligent study since there are so many discoveries done before that all can be utilized to broaden horizon, get background information and lead to new discoveries. In the Renaissance time, persons like Leonardo Da Vinci can accumulate amazing amount of knowledge in several academia because lacking of information in the Middle Age. But nowadays, knowledge in typical field can overwhelm us easily and it is hard to be professional in one academia then do some new discoveries. What’s more, according to a wide spread 1000-hour theory, keep practicing over 1000 hours in certain field can finally bear fruits. That’s a world-wide acknowledgement of perseverance and long-time working rather than accidental discovery.”

对楼上深井冰233同学的点评：
你是理科生我可是文科生哈哈，你写的思路很清晰，把三种情况都列举出来了而且各自有例子来支撑，特别有科学家的范。
我觉得既然术业有专攻，不妨把“所有领域‘直接用一句话过渡一下，只说明在自然科学领域的情况就够了。我要向你学习清晰的思路。

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发表于 2017-8-12 18:11:46 |显示全部楼层

本帖最后由 mzlgjg 于 2017-8-13 20:01 编辑

9.In any field of endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Frame: viewing this topic from different perspectives: the beginning, developing, and ending period of a particular field.

TS: How people are able to make great contributions to a field, in my opinion, is closely concerned with what stage that field has developed into, since any field’s development chronology share some similar patterns. While emphasize should be addressed on learning from the past, previous achievements’ influence of that field may not always yield positive results. Logically, in the beginning and ending period, influences from the past does no good, though for prosperous period in the middle, the opposite is true.

TS1: For any field in the beginning, with little exemplars is shown and little experiences or achievements have been accumulated, pioneers have to blaze for themselves a trail in the vast wilderness of that field.
example：the dawn of chemistry
reasoning: The dawn of chemistry dated back to ancient alchemists of Europe who had no previous knowledge about reactions.

TS2: For any developing field after the labour pains of the beginning, influence and experiences from the past are of vital importance to the workers.
example: In the most prosperous period of Chinese cultural history, the poems of Tang and Song Dynasty, as two pearls of Chinese literary heritage, were once inspired by The Book of Songs in image and quotations.

TS3: For fields that are about to end or at the point of transformation, being strongly influenced by past achievements serves as nothing but impediment.
example:The emergence of quantum mechanics illustrates this phenomenon well.

中间段（TS1）
“For any field in the beginning, with little exemplars is shown and little experiences or achievements have been accumulated, pioneers have to blaze for themselves a trail in the vast wilderness of that field. The dawn of chemistry dated back to ancient alchemists of Europe. Explosions and intoxication were once common outcome of their raw experiments. Even though they had now precedent reference, no knowledge coming to their assistance or any influence from the past, they made their way through the complex matters and built the frame of modern chemistry with their bear hands. What we learn now as general chemistry is accumulated step by step by those ancient alchemists. As we can see, though forebodes in the beginning part of a field have no previous influence to rely on, they more often than not have to depend on their natural curiosity about that field and strong resolution to hold on, thus making momentous contributions.”

我感到这种frame有一些风险，因为与将field分类不同，我的分类方法比较general，论据有两个都是自然科学，所以感觉可能并不是非常有概括性，也许也是这种方法的一种缺陷吧，很难用例子概括所有的field...

关于9楼的点评
我觉得框架很合适，举例很充分（你是学哲学的么，这些哲学家我都不知道....），不过我觉得如果举例非常多的话，尽量每一个例子用精炼的语言一笔带过，否则可能会篇幅太大。第一段我觉得很贴合主题~

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发表于 2017-8-12 18:49:49 |显示全部楼层

77. The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第1和4种我加入了新的概念并且分情况讨论，具体来说，我首先将contemporary culture分为fashion culture和living style，这样一来，fashion style这一块研究年轻人就很直接而且足够了，但是living style很大程度上受到传统的影响，所以研究成年人会更加有说服力。

我的提纲如下:

开头段全文：
Researching the contemporary culture is helpful to better understand ourselves.Many scholars are trying to find the suitable way to analyze it.I would admit that analyze the trend in the youth is a direct way in understanding the contemporary fashion style,especially in the fields like clothing、art、language.However,when it comes to the customs,it might be more trustable to observe the living style of the adults who will have more knowledge in how the traditions and the habits are.

主题句1
For most of time,the contemporary fashion culture is created by the most innovative group—the youth.
-The contemporary fashion culture,or,we call it style,symbolize the nowadays attitude for different clothing style,art aesthetics of the society.
-The creative center,such as fashion media and art college,are full of talented innovators who are young and energetic to exploit new.
-As far as I am concerned,in turn,the contemporary fashion culture could be represented by the youth in a large scale.

主题句2
Again,there are parallel with the contemporary feature of language.
-Language is a communication tool as well as the transportation of culture.
-Language is changed by the fashion style’s reinterpretation.
--For example,”Cool” is not used to express the meaning ”who is very fashionable and unique”,at the origin of this word,it only means ”slightly cold feeling”.
主题句3
However,it would be definitely untenable to research it within the youth group for the truth that the adults would have more knowledge of the custom.
-It would be foolish to lose sight of the fact that custom is based on the tradition which might have thousands of history and is hard to change,
-Custom including the eating habits,the festival culture as well as the faith of people in a certain area,which is crucial in a contemporary culture analysis.
-If you ask the tradition of the old festival,it would be more possibly to receive a satisfying response from an experienced old adult instead of a young boy.

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑:
主题句topic sentence我是不是写的少了点？

我写的全文（主题句第三段）
However,it would be definitely untenable to research it within the youth group for the truth that the adults would have more knowledge of the custom.It would be foolish to lose sight of the fact that custom is based on the tradition which might have thousands of history and is hard to change by the fashion trend.As we know,custom including the eating habits,the festival culture as well as the faith of people in a certain area,which is crucial in a contemporary culture analysis.If you ask the tradition of the old festival,it would be more possibly to receive a satisfying response from an experienced old adult instead of a young boy.As a result,when it come to the custom research,it’s better not choose the young group to find.

我来点评其他网友
关于7楼

1）提纲的框架是否合理？
恩，我仔细看了一下啊，你的三个主题句关键词为：fashion trend、invention、年轻人本身就是trend
我也想到了最后一点，但是私以为它不能作为一个tenable的support，只能够作为一个现象。由于年轻人有朝气有创造力它能创造新事物，而新事物大部分是年轻人创造的，所以年轻人很大程度上代表了trend。就是说对自己的观点要有qualify。

2）提纲所用的例子是否合适？
我觉得学科领域发展及探究方式这个topic很难举出非常简单贴近生活的例子，对于我来说，我就想到各种各样的研究结果，然而自己才疏学浅也说不到哪儿去所以我建议就用一些逻辑来支撑，正如我看到大多数版友都是这样做的一样。当然我自己用了一个例子，就是词汇的演变。就像现在我们自己创造的“不明觉厉”和王老师创造的“不明觉弱”都是language演变的例子，而他们的发明者都是像我们这样的年轻人。

3）开头段语言方面有哪些问题？
我觉得中规中矩，可以试着跳出模板的框架。

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