12月14日，1T作文第一期同主题写作。12.17更新 第一期总结

amethyst111UID: 2147702

I see, thank you!
那这个能几分呢，呵呵，我主要是想看到以后的提高，嘻嘻

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

Originally posted by amethyst111 at 2005-12-15 17:05
I see, thank you!
那这个能几分呢，呵呵，我主要是想看到以后的提高，嘻嘻

这个~~我是从来不给别人打分的,也不会打.
找foolboy吧,他专门喜欢给别人打分还引以为豪:L:D;P

amethyst111UID: 2147702

哈哈

YoungNCrazyUID: 2113374

28min 270字 第一篇，自我鼓励一下
As the society develops, businessmen have more advanced ways to publicize their goods. TV, internet, magazine... every type of media is being used for advertising. To be objective, I opine that we should admit the positive affects that advertisements pose on our society, despite few disadvantages.

First of all, it is so common of modern advertisement that we can't avoid them at all. We may get information about products from friends or some articles on newspaper. However, it is unsuspicious that the most common way we know a product is from advertisement, whatever the specific type it is. Further more, advertisement boosts the fame of a product. Though no one is sure whether the judgment in the advertisement is true, at least we have the chance to make a choice. To that extent, advertisement facilitate our daily lives a lot.

However, it is not wise to overlook some passive aspects of modern advertisement. Many advertisement overstate the function of its product. We may buy a pair of shoes which is claimed to be durable, but find it broken next week. We may purchase a energy-saving fridge but receive a surprising electricity bill the next month. Companies always overstate their goods. Therefore, advertisement is not a enough reason for us to purchase a product. Some comparisons, and information from other ways is necessary as well.

In summary, advertisement is a fantastic and convenient way for people to know the products, but it can't offer us adequate information. The final determination is made by us. As long as we can treat it appropriately, it's advantages would appear.

[ Last edited by YoungNCrazy on 2005-12-15 at 18:05 ]

hotkenUID: 2135671

版主也给我的作文评评吧。。。谢啦。。
在19楼哦。。

YoungNCrazyUID: 2113374

写完才发现自己跑题了，而且不会组织语言了，郁闷，呵呵。
懵懵懂懂跑上来就写了一篇，主要是想知道有什么不符合托福考官的审美观，恩，大家随便拍
btw：原文在49楼，呵呵

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

Originally posted by dillongeo at 2005-12-15 17:59

版主的敬业精神真让我敬仰得滔滔不绝阿（这句话有点文法问题，不过大致意思估计明白了^_^）。还有几个问题想请教下：
1. “建议你不要使用Admittedly然后however的方式”，是不是说不要写成让步式的文章呢？
...

让步也就是在结尾写上一段,不长,就可以了吧
总之套用以前的一位前辈的话:如果把T作文当成G作文来写,肯定会死的很难看:D;P

YoungNCrazyUID: 2113374

1 感觉第二段第一句的长句可以分开来写，看得人有点晕乎^_^
2 这一句：
   we can purchase some bargains by the advertisement.
  purchase sth.只能by money, or by credit card吧，我觉得按你的意思应该是get
information of some bargins through advertisement.

窗UID: 209565

350w, 40min
第一次发到上面来，希望斑竹多多指教啊，谢谢了，在线等候中．．．

There are several viewpoints on the implications of advertising industry and such schools of thought that considerably differ have their respective validity. Before rendering my opinion, I bet it is of great importance to have a glance at both sides.

First of all, no one can deny the disadvantages advertising give us. Every time, every place, we see all kinds of advertisements emerge on the TV screens, newspapers and countless other sources. The influences of advertising affect us at the deepest level—at the level of worldview, values and consequent behaviors. Numerous advertisements, such as gorgeous models showing around to encourage us to buy makeup or attractive scenery presented to urge us to memorize the products’ information, are increasing dramatically. Hence, we are swamped with the world that is full of advertisements and readily at sea.  

Nevertheless, there are also lots of advantages advertising can provide to all of us. For instance, when wanting to buy something in need, one has to collect enough information about the product in order to make one’s decision. Therefore, the advertising plays an essential role in this process. Meanwhile, with the support of a tremendous amount of advertisements, many media such as newspapers, radio, television and Internet are able to keep their maintenance and make profits. In addition, we can catch the trend of the fad by skimming through a variety of advertisements.

Furthermore, the drawbacks of advertising cannot all be attributed to the advertising itself. We must realize that we are not just advertising receivers blindly. Instead, contrarily, we can choose the ones we want and give away the ones do not. It depends on us rather than the advertisements. Yet advertising does stimulate people to purchase things, but whether we buy or not is just our own matters. So we are better off making clear what we really need first.

I am inclined to support both positions for both ones have their own validity. However, I am more convinced that advertising does improve our lives by telling us about new products. It is also undeniable that advertising inspires the market to a great degree.

------------------------------
4.5            ----foolboy

[ Last edited by foolboy007 on 2005-12-15 at 21:40 ]

窗UID: 209565

羊羊斑竹拜托帮我评一评哦

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

Originally posted by hotken at 2005-12-14 23:28
我也发一篇。个人感觉不是很好，请各位多多指出不足，重在指正，分数倒是其次。
花了大概60mins+吧，字数应该有350。

There is no doubt that advertising has been exerting a great influence on our daily ...

首先挺喜欢你的两个TS，站的高看的远，提到广告对社会经济的积极意义，比一味地说消费者吃亏还是占便宜好的多。
问题是，觉得你这两个段落基本说的是一个意思，差别不大。特别是第二段，TS说的非常好：advertising greatly contributes to people's consuming, which can stimulate the development of economy, hence improving the quality of our lives. 但是后来的例子根本没法为这个主题服务啊，只是说人们很忙，有了广告可以参考，买车更方便了。除非你说如果不看广告人们就不买车了，那就可以为主题服务，可是这样说很显然不妥啊 所以，这个例子叙述的不好，举的也不合适。
另外，还是最后加入一个大家都写的消费者的利益的段落就更好了

你的行文思路我很赞赏！

小羊贴士：文章主题一定要免俗，有新意，让考官耳目一新。hotken做的很好啦~~~
这一点不是考一个星期的突击就能解决的，要考长时间的对各类社会科技等等问题关注的积累实现，如果没有作到，就要靠早动手，多看题库，思考来实现。

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

Originally posted by YoungNCrazy at 2005-12-15 17:57
28min 270字 第一篇，自我鼓励一下
As the society develops, businessmen have more advanced ways to publicize their goods. TV, internet, magazine... every type of media is being used for advertising. ...

这个作文最大的一眼就能看到的问题是态度不明。当然你开头写了，但是后面两段居然都一样长，不用看内容就会知道你肯定没有态度或者没有正确支持你的态度。
B1你应该提广告的优点，可是说了半天它的优点仅仅是at least we have the chance to make a choice.这个意义也太小了点吧？建议看看#19楼 hotken作文或者我在#57楼给的点评，会有点启发。
第二段，你本该写广告好的另一个理由或者方面，但是却写了它不好的地方，还那么长。该好好调整一下咩~~~

YoungNCrazyUID: 2113374

Originally posted by 逆风飞羊 at 2005-12-15 18:52

这个作文最大的一眼就能看到的问题是态度不明。当然你开头写了，但是后面两段居然都一样长，不用看内容就会知道你肯定没有态度或者没有正确支持你的态度。
B1你应该提广告的优点，可是说了半天它的优点仅仅是a ...

恩，谢谢斑竹。感觉写的时候脑子里没个提纲，就成这样了。

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

Originally posted by 窗 at 2005-12-15 18:18
350w, 40min
第一次发到上面来，希望斑竹多多指教啊，谢谢了，在线等候中．．．

There are several viewpoints on the implications of advertising industry and such schools of thought that considerably ...

看过了开头我心里瓦凉瓦凉的，你没有在你的第一段里写明自己的态度！这非常致命！记住，无论是G还是T作文，或者其他的英文作文，开头就提出观点永远是首要的。
第二段，你的用词和语法之类的我认为还是挺不错的，但是问题出在段落的结构。你想说 disadvantages ，同时第二句话The influences of advertising affect us at the deepest level—at the level of worldview, values and consequent behaviors. 写的非常好，完全可以拿出来作为一个新颖的有分量的TS，可是这两句话无关啊~~再往后，Numerous advertisements, such as gorgeous models showing around to encourage us to buy makeup or attractive scenery presented to urge us to memorize the products’ information, are increasing dramatically.这两个例子无法证明以上两句话中的任何一句，Hence, we are swamped with the world that is full of advertisements and readily at sea. 也无法总结上文。这一段基本上就是四句独立的话连接在一起。

另外，看下我#42楼的话，对你这篇同样适用。