12月14日，1T作文第一期同主题写作。12.17更新 第一期总结

stoneSQUID: 2145827

第一句好像就是给人的感觉怪怪的，不过说到语法错误，我没发现啊。
it is the truth that = it is true that . right?

剩下的两条建议使我受益匪浅哈，I will remember them. Thank you very much!

avexUID: 159089

Originally posted by stoneSQ at 2005-12-15 09:39
第一句好像就是给人的感觉怪怪的，不过说到语法错误，我没发现啊。
it is the truth that = it is true that . right?

剩下的两条建议使我受益匪浅哈，I will remember them. Thank you very much!

there should not be anyone disagree with my viewpoint completely.
这里disagree语法错误

it is truth that比较好

hotkenUID: 2135671

在disagree前加个who就没问题了，不过整句给人感觉还是怪怪的。

iris_houUID: 2133514

30min  302words

Not long ago, there is a heated dispute over whether the advertisement is good for our life, which has arose controversy among people of different background. Although it involves a conflict, in my view, the final judgment should depend on a case-by-case analysis of several key factors.

Turning first to the consumers’ angle, advertisements do introduce many new products that improve our daily lives. What is more, the consumers could also realize lots of cheap products through the advertisement on the newspapers, magazines, television and so forth. Therefore, people could make a cooperation before going shopping and could buy more useful things with the same amount of money.

In the second place, advertising do have some bad effect in our lives. For instance, we can see the advertisement everywhere such as the sides of the road, the walls, even in the programs we watched. A large amount of people are disgusted with watching advertisements during their favorite programs. In addition, some advertisement may mislead the consumers to buy something the really do not need. The reason why they bought was just attracted by the advertisement the company made which would bring about/ lead to/ result in / give rise to some kind of waste.

The last but not least, these drawbacks brought by advertising can be prevented by the rules and the consumers themselves. Considering some examples, the public could sift the useful products from the advertisements. In this means, the advertising could just play a role as the supporter instead of the decision maker.

To sum up, we can not make the generalization hastily; admittedly, the advertisements do have some foibles to our daily lives, it absolutely brought us many benefits. In general, if we make good use of advertising, it would produce some advantages and improve our lives.

==========
4分   -----foolboy

[ Last edited by foolboy007 on 2005-12-15 at 21:49 ]

stoneSQUID: 2145827

茅塞顿开啊，这么低级的错误也犯，:(


这样看来，it is truth that 和 it is the truth that都有人用哈

夜婴UID: 2153521

Originally posted by jinmingjie1125 at 2005-12-14 23:13
7楼夜婴 (婴)同学的文章:
  个人觉得你的文章小跑题了. 文题要求对两个观点进行选择支持，请仔细审题。婴婴同学选择支持的是“广告能告知新产品“，而在写作时把题扩大到对广告的论述，大家有些觉得会不会不妥？ ...

谢谢你
我从小学开始就只会写一种文体：散文
而且是形散神更散那样的……
这次列了4个理由，但每个都有无关痛痒的嫌疑
而且都没解释清楚
不过以后会努力改正
:o再次谢谢你

nisionUID: 2134223

谢谢review我的作文,意见非常好,我也看到了

感觉你的第一句确实怪怪的,有点生.在论证第二个观点时似乎例证有点篇,整体感觉很好,不过我绝得把分论点写清楚,更短要好些

大家一起努力

夜婴UID: 2153521

Originally posted by stoneSQ at 2005-12-15 00:06
不错哈。能够感觉出模版的影子，应该是学习过T/G的写作吧。几点个人意见：1。第二段的中心句是不是放在第一句比较好，故意这样安排的吗？2。语法错误-agreeableness,the same as,...3。倒数第二段好像没有说清楚你 ...

谢谢你
关于模版，第一段是杜昶旭的作文讲义里的
后面都是自己编的
1，第二段就是那么放的，是不是观点不应该放在段中，而是放在段首比较好呢？
2，把agreeableness改成agreeable行么？
3，倒数第二段是李笑来作文提纲里的，意思是因为广告到处刊登的缘故，平面媒体和电视节目的价格才会降下来。比如COSMO如果不登一百多个广告的话，就不会只卖20块钱了。我知道我没说清楚，主要是不知道应该怎么说。
还是不太明白作文应该怎么写呢。
再次谢谢你，鞠躬……

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

Originally posted by tutubo at 2005-12-15 01:13
315w,50min
第一次写，套用模版，感觉一般，大家猛拍啊

Nowadays, with various dazzling advertisements jumping out at us, some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really ...

开头和结尾感觉不错的，虽然说是套用模版。希望多写，换用不同的模版来套用，就可以总结出自己的固定模版，这样就什么都不怕啦~~~;P
后面的三段主要内容我觉得有些问题。
P2，这个however在这是什么意思？没看懂。这段的主要观点是没问题的，但是考虑不全面。advertising is always put in the way of reducing the price 。这个ALWAYS 本身就太偏激了吧？现在广告发展的这么发达，有很多细分市场，不是还有很多的高端产品广告就是说它如何高贵吗？你可以说相当一部分广告是告诉大家价格便宜~~~这就说的通了。 看看29楼dillongeo 的第四段,在这方面有所注意,他用的是often 呵呵;)
小羊帖士：不论是G还是T作文，一定注意绝对词汇的使用，always，must，all等等用时要慎重。说considerable还是很占便宜的~~:D

P3，太短了，主题的三段最好长度依次降低。 只有两句话肯定说不过去，最好举个例子，就很好了。

P4，观点有问题。产品的功能不是广告所决定的，而是产品本身的设计所决定。你这段应该是在说产品的设计有很多无用的功能才能说的通，不能以此责备广告啊

[ Last edited by 逆风飞羊 on 2005-12-15 at 16:27 ]

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

Originally posted by stoneSQ at 2005-12-15 00:18
评了两位gter的作文，下面是我的作文，希望大家给予宝贵意见。
400words,40mins

If I say that all of us live in the ocean of advertising, there should not be anyone disagree with my viewpoint comple ...

If I say that all of us live in the ocean of advertising, there should not be anyone disagree with my viewpoint completely.在disagree前明显少了who。这句话要是用中文说应该是挺好的一句。但是这么说，总觉得别扭，至少肯定不地道。It is the truth that 小羊没见过在truth前面加the的用法啊~~
开头我挺喜欢的，和套用模版的感觉不太一样。
B1的观点很好，说的也基本到位了，只是如果能有一句更精练的TS就更棒了，买汽车的例子举的好。再简练点。
B2个人认为写的不成功，看了两遍也没看懂。开始说play an active part to improve people’s living quality。可是后来没看出与生活质量有关，只是说厂商的产品调查和用户的产品需求，可是这和广告本身并没有直接关系。如果说用户选择该产品就是广告的功劳的话，那又和你所说，是厂商的产品满足了市场需求相矛盾了。到最后又突然说了一句，那些认为广告不好的人是错的，让人也有点措手不及的感觉，一直是正论，怎么突然驳论了。总的感觉内容和形式上都比较乱。
小羊贴士：一段最好只用一种论述方式，或者在开头就有所体现，如果到后来突然转变很容易给人混乱之感。一句话，我们现在的能力还不足以应付复杂的写作方式，还是稳点好。

另外，建议你选择例子时改善一下，一定要选能简洁明了地表达的那种。你这两段的例子都要形容很多，太浪费时间也不一定有好效果。最好一两句说明白，剩下时间和篇幅再加一段。两个正文段太单薄了。

加油！！

amethyst111UID: 2147702

With the development of the society and the improvement of the level of our common lives, advertising becomes more and more popular. There are some who would think that advertisements encourage them to buy things they do not want, while others hold that they can benefit from advertising. What effects does advertising do to our daily lives on earth? As far as I am concerned, the benefits we acquired from advertising are much larger than the harm it does to us.
    There are several reasons and examples serve well in my opinion.
    First, we can know some products by advertisements, which makes us get knowledge of the development trend of the society rapidly and timely and some new technology which might improve our daily lives' level. For instance, I am such a forgetful girl that I usually can not remember something that I plan to deal with. Once a time I forgot to turn off the gas stove while I leaving home, and then when I was back a kind of scorching smell pushed on me-the kitchen was nearly on fire! Some days later I happened to see an advertisement about electric stove which suited me well, so I bought one immediately and now I am never ever worried about something such as kitchen emergency.
    Second, we can purchase some bargains by the advertisement. As students, we do not have much money in our pockets, so there is probably nothing that makes us more satisfied than picking up some bargains. There are varieties of merchandises on sale on the advertisements, so if we look through advertisement at times, we could buy what we want at low price. That is, less money, more goods!
    Of course, sometimes there is still something that is of no use to us. In this case, it depends on our feelings and judgments to decide which should to be bought and which should not to.
    In conclusion, advertising broadens our sight, improves our lives, and even strengthens our communications with each other. So I prefer to look through advertisements rather than turn a blind eye to them.

-----------------
considering the overtime, possibly less than 4分    ----foolboy

[ Last edited by foolboy007 on 2005-12-15 at 22:00 ]

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

Originally posted by dillongeo at 2005-12-15 09:17
272 words, 29min（不包括检查，本来计划25分钟搞定的，失败）
写得很仓促，还有不少拼写错误。请大虾指点下，谢谢！

People in present era seem to be flooded by various advertising.Everyday when peopl ...

首先，建议你不要使用Admittedly然后however的方式。T作文和G作文的最大区别是，G更注重逻辑而T更注重文法。T最好用单一的陈述方式写，如果有正面看法不妨写在最后，不要在开头摆出与自己相反的观点。
后面的主题部分观点我觉得是到位的，可是有个问题，都太简单，说不清楚。也许与你的时间比较紧有关吧，如果刚开始写，不必在时间方面对自己太过苛刻，40分钟也是不错的，25分钟，要求太高了，现在还是质量重要。
你在两个段落里都用了反问的方式，可是最多就是给个NO的答案，没有再细说什么，更没有例子，这样不会给考官好印象。
不过开始在29分钟里成文，应该说还是不错的，加油！！！

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

Originally posted by iris_hou at 2005-12-15 14:50
30min  302words

Not long ago, there is a heated dispute over whether the advertisement is good for our life, which has arose controversy among people of different background. Although it  ...

首先，一定要选一方为你所同意的，不能说 it depends。因为题目：Which viewpoint do you agree with? 所以，从这个角度来说，你跑题了
另外，你的结构是先说好，再说不好，再说可能会好。太乱了，会惹麻烦的辣
当然，这也是由你的 depend on a case-by-case analysis 的写作观点所决定的，所以，建议重写一下，以后遇到这类题一定要切记有没有Which viewpoint do you agree with? 这句话。如果没有，觉得有信心把结构写清楚再考虑用depends的方式

[ Last edited by 逆风飞羊 on 2005-12-15 at 16:46 ]

夜婴UID: 2153521

29楼 stoneSQ的作文

Originally posted by stoneSQ at 2005-12-15 00:18
评了两位gter的作文，下面是我的作文，希望大家给予宝贵意见。
400words,40mins

If I say that all of us live in the ocean of advertising, there should not be anyone disagree with my viewpoint comple ...

我不懂作文，就按自己的理解说说吧：
1，针对大家说“第一句怪怪的”，我觉得手句的比喻不错，比我套模版要好的多。只是后半句如果写成“……，nobody would doubt.”之类，简短一些可能更好吧。
2，“……in the market and which one is suitable for us.”感觉这里which的存在使得句子成了问句而不是从句了。
3，觉得最后一句，as引导的部分过长，是否可以把“will play ”的内容提前呢？
4，关于论证呢，我觉得第一个理由有点勉强。其实广告给人们提供的信息并不在“多”，而在于“新”。如果只是为了获取更多不同信息的话，上网不是更好么？应该突出广告独一无二的特点，那样更有说服力吧。
不过还是写的比我好太多了:$

[ Last edited by 夜婴 on 2005-12-15 at 16:58 ]

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

Originally posted by amethyst111 at 2005-12-15 16:32
With the development of the society and the improvement of the level of our common lives, advertising becomes more and more popular. There are some who would think that advertisements encourage the ...

首先，第二段这一句话 There are several reasons and examples serve well in my opinion.删掉，无用。
B1的例子挺有意思的，但是太长，而且前期陈述背景的话太多。整个段落7句话，主题句两行零三个词，剩下几乎5行全是例子，没有任何其他评论。再看例子本身，在提到广告这个词前就写了三行，广告只出现了一下，就没下文了。这样的安排很显然不合理，应该说这个广告怎么怎么好对我怎么怎么有帮助，自己之前的事最多一句话。
B2，写的不错的！
后面也中规中矩，没有大问题。
希望把写那个例子的时间和篇幅用来再加个段落，这样太单薄了