作文修改小超人（停止修改）

fibeflyUID: 2317529

谢谢楼主，朋友介绍让你改的，给点意见吧！谢谢啦！！！
Question: It has rencently been announced that a new restaurant may be built in your neighborhood .Do you support or oppose this plan ?why?use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
Essay:
Just  imagine if a big neiborhood do not have any restaurant nearby,what will happen?Some people believe that they can do cooking by themselves.Contrary to these people who refute constructing it is others who hold the opinion that it is always better to put up  a restaurant nearby,condidering that they are too tired to make dishes.From my personal perspective, I agree with the latter one ,having a restaurant near home can not only brings my life convenience but benefits the community .

Among the advantages of raising a restaurant near  neighborhood is its convenience to people.Suppose a person gets so exhausted from work that he does not want to do cooking by himself,going to a restaurant close by will be the best choice .In such way ,neither does he need to think about what vegetables he must buy ,nor will he worry about whether he has enough time  to wathch his favorite movies.Thus ,a restaurant which is near a vicinity will do you a big favor in daily life.

Equally important for  residents  to build a restaurant is that it can benefit this quarter.In modern society,affection are bleaching due to less communication ,especially in big city.With a restaurant ,inhabitants will meet and gradually communicate with each other there.The more frequently they communicate with others,the more harmonious the relationship in the community between them is.Moreover ,a restraurant means that it will attract many occupations,which result in the increase of employment and income of persons,thereby improve the living standard in the area.

Considerable though the advantages that the building of restaurant enjoys are,people should never ignore its disadvantages .Because of more and more people gathering there,there will be much more noise than ever before.Especially at night,someone who might want to get asleep is fed up with the loudness there.With the development of the restaurant,many environment problems will arise,such as traffic jam,municipal refuse and sewage,air pollution owing  to people 's inappropriate uses.
  
When the advantages and disadvantages of building a new restaurant  are carefully compared,the most striking conclusion is self-evident.While supporting this plan,we should take its disadvantages into consideration and take measures to regulate this restaurant's and other people's unbecoming behaviors that may leads to various problems and disorders .Only putting this project into practice through  focusing on  its drawback as well as its  benefis can we enjoy more benefits brought by the restaurant.

红颜祸水UID: 2242528

lz 空了也帮偶改改　谢谢啊

拿了个机经写的，第一次完整的写完，忘多给点意见，不胜感激！

D/A:The best way to truly relax and reduce stress is to spend time alone.


In our modern society, the statement is such a debated one that different people hold different opinions on whether being alone is a best way to have a rest not only because of their respective personality but also because of their alien understandings. Personally, I totally can’t stay alone to have any relaxation.


The first reason that can be presented to develop my opinion is that loneliness makes people lack of strength. When some people feel lonely, they will become nervous and negative. A good example can be found in the case that my brother Tim, who can not concentrate on his homework well because he is afraid of staying alone in his bedroom and sitting at him table, study quite hard and get excellent jobs in his classroom or school’s library because there are many people as he says. In another word, he can behave well and relax to do anything bravely when being observed. Therefore, it is obvious to see that sometimes to spend time alone is not a good way for you to relax.


In addition, there is another reason for me to choose this statement and the reason is not far to seek: chatting with friends is much more helpful to reduce stress than spending time alone. To illustrate, let us consider that how terrible you will be if you suffer a serious disease, how stressful you will be if you need to complete a complicated project on time and how exhausted you will be if you go through a tough relationship. However, when your dear friends come to pat you and build up your confidence, all problems will die away. Hence, common sense and former experience inform us that the best way for us to forget all the trouble may be a heart-to-heart conversation with friends.


Finally, to speak frank, there is also a more practical reason that different people have different ways to release pain. In our daily life, some women prefer to go shopping and buy a great deal of clothes, cosmetics and foods which make them happy while some men would rather get together in a bar and have a drink of whiskey, vodka or beer which makes them exciting. So we can’t say that a party girl who likes rock and hip-pop should relax herself truly walking alone in a quite park.


To sum up all the reasons involved, my final point rests on a persuasive opinion towards an appropriate way (not just to stay alone) which is matched with your character to help you release and decompress. Then I believe we will be more relaxed and positive to face any trouble.　　（446 words）

rubyruby12qianUID: 2336072

也帮偶改改。第一次完整的写完，望多给点意见，不胜感激！
As the marked progress of the science and technology, great changes take place in the human life. People can get to a place quicker than ever before and letters and packages can arrive the receiver’s hand sooner. An increasing people come to realize the significance of transportation vehicles .Among bicycles cars and airplanes, I prefer the airplane and hold the thought that airplane plays a more vital part in changing the world.

In the first place, airplane in the quickest transportation vehicles now. Only with airplane, can you cross the Pacific in several hours; can you travel to Beijing from Guangzhou in three hours. The shorten of the time in the journey can eliminate the fatigue caused by the long-time travel. Furthermore, especially for the business men or entertainers who fly frequently, it is a convenience to go to another place in a short time.

Secondly, the emergence of the airplane as a part of transportation system contributes a lot to the economy development. As an industry, the airplane companies pay lots of tax, which is a unneglected part of the government revenue.  In addition, the boom of this industry also offers many job opportunities to ease the social unemployment burden. With the convenience of transportation, the tourism as a related industry also gains benefits.

Thirdly , going to another city by air is a safest way. There is less accidence resulting from the airplanes than the cars. Furthermore, taking airplane is a indirect way of achieving the dream of flying in the blue sky as a free bird for many people. This simple transportation vehicle helps people to retaste the innocent dream in the childhood. Moreover, travelling by plane is more comfortable than other vehicles like train. There is air-conditioner , free drinks and meals offered in the plane, while which can never appear in the train.

Given the reasons discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form a organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we may safely draw the conclusion that airplane is a vital medium to give rise to a great leap in the people’s life.

andyljhUID: 2121560

32. Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better to save your money for some time in the future? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.   



Enjoying money when you earn it or saving it for future comes to be a very popular topic in our society, especially in modern high pace living pattern. For most of youth including our generation, the answer will obvious incline to former choice, and in most case, I agree with that.


Nowadays, we adore "Use tomorrow's money to enjoy today's life" as a credo and implement it every aspects of our life. Almost most of us get loans from bank after we step into society, and pay that month by month in the rest of our life. It is not only because we need pretty much money to buy houses to live in, to purchase cars to drive, but also because this is the normal circle to run the economic system healthily, we can not imagine if everyone under the financial system save money in the personal box, then the money will not be enough to maintain the normal financial system, and what will lead in is the inflation, or more worse results.


Also, this kind of "Money Consuming" mode will benefit for every one of us, even we may earn only not so much money now, still can we live in a high or relatively high standard life, and what we earn is to pay every piece of loan by month, plus the acceptable interest. Considering many unpredictable factors in our life, like severe illness, traffic accident, it seems that we should save some money in advance, but we also can buy the insurance instead, or the social security system in our country also in many countries have been highly improved, therefore, the problem could be resolved considerably.


There should still two groups of people left, which I agree with also, need save money for future. It is the group which earns lots of money per month, and the group which is always living in danger without good security protect. In that case, the saved money is equal to no waste or life saving for future.

Come back to ourselves again, for most of people, who lives around you, around me, enjoying the money you earned now and enjoying the life which is better than what you expect sounds a attractive and reasonable idea for all of us. What is most important is it is definitely legal and two side winning for you and society.


Word Count: 392

破海沧澜UID: 2401581

fibefly

谢谢楼主，朋友介绍让你改的，给点意见吧！谢谢啦！！！
Question: It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built in your neighborhood .Do you support or oppose this plan ?why? use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
Essay:

(首先我要提醒你的是你的拼写问题. 在英文中, 一个句子完毕后,打上标点,然后要空格!!! 我相信你知道这个原则, 但是我用微软文档改这篇文章的时候发现很多拼写错误, 作者务必注意这一点!!)

Just  imagine if a big nationhood do not have any restaurant nearby, what will happen? Some people believe that they can do cooking by themselves. Contrary to these people who refute constructing it is others who hold the opinion that it is always better to put up  a restaurant nearby, considering that they are too tired to make dishes. From my personal perspective, I agree with the latter one, having a restaurant near home can not only brings my life convenience but benefits the community.

(Food is essential for us human beings, which makes cooking and preparation of food an important part of our daily lives. When I opened up the today’s local newspaper, a piece of information captured my attention. It is said that government plan to construct a new restaurant near the community, which arouses a widespread controversy in the general public. Although some people opposite such measure, I do advocate this decision since a new restaurant can bring about both convenience and benefits for the entire community.

最近我所修改的段子很多都会参照我本身使用的模板. 你的开头整体是不错的, 只是一开始会显得生硬些--- 我是指那个文句--- 建议作者考虑修改一下.)

Among the advantages of raising a restaurant near neighborhood is its convenience to people. (这个开头不直接, 你可以选择这样的主体开头:第一主体段:for one thing, 第二个主体段: for another,  第三个主体段(如果有的话)：To such motives, yet another must be added. )Suppose a person gets so exhausted from work that he does not want to do cooking by himself, going to a restaurant close by will be the best choice .In such way, neither does he need to think about what vegetables he must buy ,nor will he worry about whether he has enough time  to watch his favorite movies (这种句子不要使用, 并不是句子越长越好, 句子的首要任务是表达自己的观点, 如果要表达的意思较多,建议写成单句, 你可以参看我重写的段落.这一点凸现得比较集中.). Thus ,a restaurant which is near a vicinity will do you a big favor in daily life.

(The first point I would like to emphasize that a new restaurant can benefit the local residents in terms of relaxation. Enduring high social pressures, modern humans invariably have masses of things at hand to deal with, making their leisure time limited. Accordingly, it is scarcely possible for a person to concentrate his/her mind on cooking after a whole-day work. In this sense, a new restaurant may release him/her: an individual does not have to spend time on cooking any more, just go to the restaurant and everything is ready. In short, the construction of a new restaurant can help reduce our daily pressure and enable us to have more time for relaxation and entertianment.)

Equally important for  residents  to build a restaurant is that it can benefit this quarter. In modern society, affection are bleaching due to less communication ,especially in big city. With a restaurant ,inhabitants will meet and gradually communicate with each other there. The more frequently they communicate with others, the more harmonious the relationship in the community between them is. Moreover ,a restaurant means that it will attract many occupations, which result in the increase of employment and income of persons, thereby improve the living standard in the area.

(In addition, while eating in the restaurant, chances are big for local people to communicate with each other more often. Harmonious as the restaurant atmosphere is, a person may find it easy to talk with their friends and acquaintances. Perhaps it would suffice to mention my old brother, Joey, who enjoys eating at the restaurant. Not only does the delicious food there appeals to him, but he also find a restaurant a good place for daily talk. Every time he return from a restaurant, he appears delighted and he told me that he really liked such place. Due to the fact that there are only few restaurant near our communities, it is a necessity to build a new one. 这一段我没有完全按照你的思路去写, 但是我在这里举了一个例子, 你可以参考一下这样的写法. )

Considerable though the advantages that the building of restaurant enjoys are, people should never ignore its disadvantages .Because of more and more people gathering there, there will be much more noise than ever before. Especially at night, someone who might want to get asleep is fed up with the loudness there. With the development of the restaurant, many environment problems will arise, such as traffic jam, municipal refuse and sewage, air pollution owing  to people 's inappropriate uses.
(Despite the fact there do exist many advantages of building a new restaurant, there are still some disadvantages: the cost of building a restaurant might be very high; the establishment of a building might result in the pollution of local environment, and so forth. Nevertheless, in accordance with local conditions and my own perspective, and advantages may outweigh the disadvantages.

这一段是你的让步段,目的在于凑字数和显示你的思维的全面性.而我在写这一段的时候,没有看你的原文就直接下笔了,因为让步段是有规律可循的. 这里你还要注意用冒号表示解释说明这种用法,因为它没有什么语法限制,所以非常好用, 在让步段里的作用相当巨大)

  
When the advantages and disadvantages of building a new restaurant  are carefully compared, the most striking conclusion is self-evident. While supporting this plan, we should take its disadvantages into consideration and take measures to regulate this restaurant's and other people's unbecoming behaviors that may leads to various problems and disorders .Only putting this project into practice through  focusing on  its drawback as well as its  benefits can we enjoy more benefits brought by the restaurant.

[ 本帖最后由 破海沧澜 于 2007-11-1 12:50 编辑 ]

破海沧澜UID: 2401581

fibefly

谢谢楼主，朋友介绍让你改的，给点意见吧！谢谢啦！！！
Question: It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built in your neighborhood .Do you support or oppose this plan ?why? use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
Essay:

(首先我要提醒你的是你的拼写问题. 在英文中, 一个句子完毕后,打上标点,然后要空格!!! 我相信你知道这个原则, 但是我用微软文档改这篇文章的时候发现很多拼写错误, 作者务必注意这一点!!)

Just  imagine if a big nationhood do not have any restaurant nearby, what will happen? Some people believe that they can do cooking by themselves. Contrary to these people who refute constructing it is others who hold the opinion that it is always better to put up  a restaurant nearby, considering that they are too tired to make dishes. From my personal perspective, I agree with the latter one, having a restaurant near home can not only brings my life convenience but benefits the community.

(Food is essential for us human beings, which makes cooking and preparation of food an important part of our daily lives. When I opened up the today’s local newspaper, a piece of information captured my attention. It is said that government plan to construct a new restaurant near the community, which arouses a widespread controversy in the general public. Although some people opposite such measure, I do advocate this decision since a new restaurant can bring about both convenience and benefits for the entire community.

最近我所修改的段子很多都会参照我本身使用的模板. 你的开头整体是不错的, 只是一开始会显得生硬些--- 我是指那个文句--- 建议作者考虑修改一下.)

Among the advantages of raising a restaurant near neighborhood is its convenience to people. (这个开头不直接, 你可以选择这样的主体开头:第一主体段:for one thing, 第二个主体段: for another,  第三个主体段(如果有的话)：To such motives, yet another must be added. )Suppose a person gets so exhausted from work that he does not want to do cooking by himself, going to a restaurant close by will be the best choice .In such way, neither does he need to think about what vegetables he must buy ,nor will he worry about whether he has enough time  to watch his favorite movies (这种句子不要使用, 并不是句子越长越好, 句子的首要任务是表达自己的观点, 如果要表达的意思较多,建议写成单句, 你可以参看我重写的段落.这一点凸现得比较集中.). Thus ,a restaurant which is near a vicinity will do you a big favor in daily life.

(The first point I would like to emphasize that a new restaurant can benefit the local residents in terms of relaxation. Enduring high social pressures, modern humans invariably have masses of things at hand to deal with, making their leisure time limited. Accordingly, it is scarcely possible for a person to concentrate his/her mind on cooking after a whole-day work. In this sense, a new restaurant may release him/her: an individual does not have to spend time on cooking any more, just go to the restaurant and everything is ready. In short, the construction of a new restaurant can help reduce our daily pressure and enable us to have more time for relaxation and entertianment.)

Equally important for  residents  to build a restaurant is that it can benefit this quarter. In modern society, affection are bleaching due to less communication ,especially in big city. With a restaurant ,inhabitants will meet and gradually communicate with each other there. The more frequently they communicate with others, the more harmonious the relationship in the community between them is. Moreover ,a restaurant means that it will attract many occupations, which result in the increase of employment and income of persons, thereby improve the living standard in the area.

(In addition, while eating in the restaurant, chances are big for local people to communicate with each other more often. Harmonious as the restaurant atmosphere is, a person may find it easy to talk with their friends and acquaintances. Perhaps it would suffice to mention my old brother, Joey, who enjoys eating at the restaurant. Not only does the delicious food there appeals to him, but he also find a restaurant a good place for daily talk. Every time he return from a restaurant, he appears delighted and he told me that he really liked such place. Due to the fact that there are only few restaurant near our communities, it is a necessity to build a new one. 这一段我没有完全按照你的思路去写, 但是我在这里举了一个例子, 你可以参考一下这样的写法. )

Considerable though the advantages that the building of restaurant enjoys are, people should never ignore its disadvantages .Because of more and more people gathering there, there will be much more noise than ever before. Especially at night, someone who might want to get asleep is fed up with the loudness there. With the development of the restaurant, many environment problems will arise, such as traffic jam, municipal refuse and sewage, air pollution owing  to people 's inappropriate uses.
(Despite the fact there do exist many advantages of building a new restaurant, there are still some disadvantages: the cost of building a restaurant might be very high; the establishment of a building might result in the pollution of local environment, and so forth. Nevertheless, in accordance with local conditions and my own perspective, and advantages may outweigh the disadvantages.

这一段是你的让步段,目的在于凑字数和显示你的思维的全面性.而我在写这一段的时候,没有看你的原文就直接下笔了,因为让步段是有规律可循的. 这里你还要注意用冒号表示解释说明这种用法,因为它没有什么语法限制,所以非常好用, 在让步段里的作用相当巨大)

  
When the advantages and disadvantages of building a new restaurant  are carefully compared, the most striking conclusion is self-evident. While supporting this plan, we should take its disadvantages into consideration and take measures to regulate this restaurant's and other people's unbecoming behaviors that may leads to various problems and disorders .Only putting this project into practice through  focusing on  its drawback as well as its  benefits can we enjoy more benefits brought by the restaurant.

iamaeromouseUID: 2330228

第一次处女作求拍


2005 12.16

Do you agree or disagree? If people want to have a good future they should have a careful plan while they are still young.


The young people, who are undergoing the most siginificant time of their life, are the hope of the society for the future. As far as i am concerned, one piece of deliberate blueprint can make sure youth get through their way to success more systemically and face the future more confidently.

First of all, a wholesome plan can help young people who have ambitions for the future systemically. By conducting a specific plan, we are able to know the load of work we should do everyday which leads to a effective lifestyle. Take my experience for example. When i was due to a dissertation for my undergraduate, it was a three months period of preparation. It was a detailed plan that played an tremendous emphasis on my project preparation. I conceived a plan and printed it out which was adhered on my room wall. A series of job was undertaken systemically, gathering ackground information , analysing, drawing dissertation outline, etc, every procedure was ordered and effective. The ultimately wonderful feedback from my supervisor let me believe that a good plan is foundamental for the whole project.

In addition, one person can feel confident when he makes certain progress through a careful plan. Chasing success is a sustaining or even torturous process, somewhat little achiement or progress would enable people to advance continuously. For instance, my older brother, who was ready for study abroad, was undertaking a thorny feeling to recite GRE words.. At first place, he tried to memorize these horrible words by hard woring except for a carful plan. Given that diligent work was taken, it was hardly possible to remember tons of words without a careful plan. Consequently, I advised him to make a detaied plan and utilize a efficient to conquer the strange works. Only several days later was my brother excieted by the progress and kept sticking to the plan more confidently. One useful plan maked the tedious hard work more handy.

In conclusion, making good plan is indispensable for young people who are passionate or enthusiastic towards the prosperous future. People can fulfill their goals step by step, and also obtain confidence from every progress in the way towards successful future.

破海沧澜UID: 2401581

刚才我翻开我以前的帖子，发现好多作文我都没有及时回复。。。。。
因为我最近也在忙考试，况且改作文本身是额外劳动， 如果没能及时大家的作文，希望寄托们见谅！！！
因为大家的写作水平不一样，有些我改得比较详细，有些我改得很少甚至没改。对于那些没改的作文， 我希望作者去看我以前修改的文章，最好复制到微软文档里面仔细看一下，作文提高需要一个过程， 先积累，再写文章，在修改。。。。
提醒大家的是：不要浮躁，心平气和地去杀T，一定可以出成绩！！

破海沧澜UID: 2401581

:funk: :)

haomiUID: 2219690

thank you for correcting my terrible compositon!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

As one of the most outstanding mass medium of communication, television transports countless information to us through diverse programs like news reporting, films, science talk and the like, however, I still would agree with the opinion that television has destroyed communication among friends and family with some facts.

The first truth I want to present is members’ in family different preference to channels can easily trigger an argument, sometimes can develop into stalemate or war, which apparently is great detrimental to communication.  Once a debate was provoking by the dissident between the watchers, usually there are three solutions, one is buying another television to put in another room, then a wall will immediately be erected among  them temporarily or for forever, the second way is keeping changing from this to that at every 5 minutes and keeping robbing remote control and keeping quarrelling for time, simply a formal communication or hearty communication can not be produced in this situation, the third is they do come to the compromise to watch the winner’s program, but it still will be unreasonable to suppose that by only one people a conversation can be initialed while all his or her companies were absorbing by programs.

In addition to igniting an argument, television can also be a thief, stealing precious time from our pocket which was schedule for staying with our friends and families. According to the research conducted by the professors of Nanjing university there were approximately 43.2% people in Nanjing  would more likely to choose watching television or surfing the internet to get through their holidays rather than gathering with their friends at outsides,  since they can seat at home enjoying various items on television only need to push a button or turn a know, which would greatly relieve them from pressured working days, as well as keep them informed about current events at home and abroad and the latest development in science and technology, especially during raining days, the data will higher than sunny days.

Therefore, based on all I have mentioned, it is safe to reach the conclusion that television has destroyed the communication among the friends and family to some degree.

破海沧澜UID: 2401581

可能回复需要几天时间了。。。
我17号考试，真不知道自己能考多少。。
偏紧张。。。。:funk:

fibeflyUID: 2317529

加油！！！必胜！！！

dicmiUID: 183392

我也看了这篇综合写作。
我觉得Monkey这个例子是用来说明 第三点的，即可能是Social Response这一点。而不是独立的一点。

tongjin_ztjUID: 2279347

楼主能否帮我修改文章,结尾不满意,觉得字数太少,但又不知该加什么,望点拨,不甚感激.
题目:人们上大学 的原因

College is a place that people can gain knowledge and experiences in it. Of course, different people have different reasons to attend college. For example, some people want to go on a further study after they graduate from high school; some people hope to find a good job after studying at college, and also some people hope to change their present situation through learning at university. In my opinion, no matter what reason people go to college for, attending college is mainly a preparation for future life.
First of all, students can gain new knowledge from the study at college. Many teachers, professors with abundant teaching experience are capable of teaching students new knowledge and helping them to solve the problems in their study. With their help, students can learn a large amount of basic and professional knowledge that is very helpful for their future work.
Moreover, there are a large number of programs offered by university for students to be trained for a job. University often runs the programs by cooperating with many very large companies, so the managers from those companies could give students some practical courses such as how to run a company, how to lead your group to finish the work, how to cope with some problems, and how to be more confident as well as what kind of employee the company may prefer. These courses are quite useful, especially for those who want to get a job after graduation.
In addition, good jobs more often than not are given to people with higher education. Take myself for example. I am from countryside where few people have an opportunity to go to university. Those  who did not study at college have to go to work early in a small factory in a small town or on a farm in their hometown. Just because I have received higher education, I am able to obtain better chances to work in capital where a large number of people want to work.
In a word, attending university is a good way to increase one’s knowledge and offer a special experience to prepare for future.

haomiUID: 2219690

it's ok, i still have fews days, but i just wondering why you're worry , i bet you're excellenct enough
to conquer this exam, anyway, good luck for your exam and thanks for all your help, i'm really appreciated!