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[作文] 作文修改小超人(停止修改) [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-10-7 17:16:36 |只看该作者
lz好人,帮改下我写的作文,谢谢 delta P407
The professor gave us a vivid lecture discussing the inconsistence conclusion in the mark test, the same behavior, and the social responsible which cast doubt on the reading material which stated that some animals possess self-awareness.

The reading passage provided a series of experiments including the "mark test". In the listening material, the professor also mentioned this mark test. On the contrary, the professor received the conclusion that the self-aware is not the characteristic. He said through several repeated test, only one chimpanzee touch the mirror, and the experiments is so inconsistent that nothing can be proved. This contradicted the point that the chimpanzees touch the spots seven times in a half hour. This is the first aspect that the professor contradicted the reading passage.

In addition, the professor said the chimpanzees exhibited the same behavior through out the experiment except one. In 11 chimpanzees, only one's behavior is special. All chimpanzees touch their face and head much. This suggested that the conclusion that the chimpanzees touched more frequency when they faced the mirror which is held by the reading material could not be concluded.

Finally, the professor raised the issue that the behavior of the chimpanzees may be the social behavior instead of the self-aware. He said self-grooming is social behavior. On one experiment, one chimpanzee showed the same behavior even though it did not see its image in the mirror. So, it's difficult to propose whether the behavior is social behavior which would appear also if they meet the same species or the self-aware demonstrated by the reading passage. This the third aspect the professor cast doubt on the reading material.

To sum up, taking into account into all the reasons discussed above, the viewpoint in the reading material is not confirmed.

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发表于 2007-10-7 17:55:47 |只看该作者
大家以后写了作文在文章末尾标出  字数, 我好全面的看一下!!!

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发表于 2007-10-7 18:09:50 |只看该作者
好人啊

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发表于 2007-10-7 18:15:10 |只看该作者
为了方便大家联系我,小超人,再次帖出我的QQ和电子邮件。
QQ:260993250
E-MIAL:
shenfengyuan2007@yahoo.com.cn
因为我10,11,12三次杀T,恳请各位寄托们多给我一点备考建议,以回帖的形式帖出来。我不胜感激!!!
先谢谢各位!!!

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发表于 2007-10-7 21:57:55 |只看该作者
lz好人,帮改下我写的作文,谢谢 delta P407
The professor gave us a vivid lecture discussing the inconsistence conclusion in the mark test, the same behavior, and the social responsible which cast doubt on the reading material which stated that some animals possess self-awareness.

The reading passage provided a series of experiments including the "mark test". In the listening material, the professor also mentioned this mark test. On the contrary, the professor received the conclusion that the self-aware is not the characteristic. He said through several repeated test, only one chimpanzee touch the mirror, and the experiments is so inconsistent that nothing can be proved. This contradicted the point that the chimpanzees touch the spots seven times in a half hour. This is the first aspect that the professor contradicted the reading passage.

In addition, the professor said the chimpanzees exhibited the same behavior through out the experiment except one. In 11 chimpanzees, only one's behavior is special. All chimpanzees touch their face and head much. This suggested that the conclusion that the chimpanzees touched more frequency when they faced the mirror which is held by the reading material could not be concluded.

Finally, the professor raised the issue that the behavior of the chimpanzees may be the social behavior instead of the self-aware. He said self-grooming is social behavior. On one experiment, one chimpanzee showed the same behavior even though it did not see its image in the mirror. So, it's difficult to propose whether the behavior is social behavior which would appear also if they meet the same species or the self-aware demonstrated by the reading passage. This the third aspect the professor cast doubt on the reading material.

To sum up, taking into account into all the reasons discussed above, the viewpoint in the reading material is not confirmed.


综合写作,294
呵呵,加了字数哈

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QQ联合登录 Leo狮子座 荣誉版主 寄托优秀版主 IBT Zeal IBT Smart IBT Elegance US Advisor 魅丽星

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发表于 2007-10-7 22:20:00 |只看该作者
lz是大好人,也是强人,考一次肯定够啦!就看这rp攒的也能上110!

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发表于 2007-10-7 23:03:03 |只看该作者
也贴一篇BARRON习作,很烂,希望小超人善良对待。感觉你的评论帮助多多!
Leaders like John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King have made important contributions to the people of the United States. Name another world leader you think is important. Give Specific reasons for your choice.

For the past 100 years, China has experiencing an unstable transition as we recalled a volatile state since the end of the Qing Dynasty. It was Mao Zedong who united China after years of colonization, war, and domestic unrest. His contributions to this developing country cannot be fallen on deaf ears although some people may still criticize the so called Cultural Revolution in his late years. Reckless some of his decisions seem to be, it is irrational to judge a person’s overall contributions by sporadic misbehaviors. In my opinion, Mao is certainly one of this century’s greatest politicians, and his reputation around the world survives to today.

When people were suffering endless wars fighting with Japan and Russia and the Chinese people felt hopeless about their future, it was Mao who stood up and originated the idea of reuniting the country, to him, a utopian coming up. Following his ideas, he created the People’s Commune. The People’s Commune-organizations in farms, schools, stores, factories and amongst individuals-was the type of country Mao had expected. China became a harmonious society where people at that time could spend time with their families, do studies, and find a decent job. We cannot imagine that were Mao not in the political circle, how long it would have taken for China to be independent.

Moreover, Mao’s prestige was reinforced by his “thought”. “Be resourceful, look at all sides of a problem, test ideas by experiment, and work hard for the common good,” Mao said. It can be indicated from the saying that one has to experience trial and error and devote himself into what he is doing to achieve the final success. It is true like an old saying-”No pain, no gain”-that every possible outcome is reached at your hand without efforts. And we Chinese people, long for its recognition, have been reputed by our hard-working attribute which is inherited from Chairman Mao.

Being a significant politician, Mao was also a capable poet. His works showed talent, and he did not use the most banal idioms familiar from the works of Communist writers of his own generation. In several poems, he portrayed the first battles of peasant army and national events. Even today, contemporary philosophers are studying his thoughts from his poems and articles. Several top universities include Peking University and Tsing Hua University in China have specialized the subject as Study of Chairman Mao’s Thoughts. Those thoughts are everlasting for offspring, the later generations.

However, he made big mistakes in his later years over a long period. His Cultural Revolution destroyed a great amount of people who pursued wealth and prohibited many great literatures in the country. The result caused great disaster for the people and the country. Admittedly it was his misconduct, Mao’s great contributions to the birth of China is not thus eliminable.

470 words

[ 本帖最后由 嘻游天使 于 2007-10-7 23:09 编辑 ]

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发表于 2007-10-7 23:29:23 |只看该作者

回复 #84 破海沧澜 的帖子

thanks so much ~ ^_^
by the way, how can I speed up?
I mean I think I spent too much time one passage,
I don't know whether I can finish it when the real test.
mine is 11.11.

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发表于 2007-10-8 14:35:33 |只看该作者

新的修改

bepa1


那个~~上次谢谢你帮我改作文哦~受益匪浅。 我回去整理了一下,又写了一篇.麻烦你有时间能再帮我看一T吗?谢谢
opic: some people think that human needs for farmland, horsing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

People never cease to care about their living conditions. Motivated by the desire of the development of modern society, some people argue that human needs for farmland, horsing and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals, believing that the former factor is the only prerequisite for the continuation
(livelihood) of human-beings. Contrary to this opinion is my heartfelt ()agreement that saving land for endangered animals is more significant.



The decisive factor that I want
want, would like是有一定区别的,相比之下,want更加口语化) to point out at the first beginning is that saving land for endangered animals can benefit people in terms of maintaining the balance of ecosystem. The success of keeping the balance of ecosystem in a society does a lot of good for various aspects of life including beautify the environment, helping people have more possibility to live longer, as well as providing a precious fortune for offspring. Perhaps it will suffice +to mention my own experience. A couple of years ago, I remembered the sky in Beijing is blue and every morning there were lots of (lots of口语词汇,many people就可以了) people jogging around the street  (A couple of years ago, I used to enjoy myself in the clear blue sky…), enjoying the fresh air and the birds’ singing immersing themselves into the blowing of breezes and twittering of birds.. However, currently, the land, which was used for garden has been covered with numerous factories or buildings (最好可以在前面加一句: but now the conditions have altered.). A kind of beautiful birds, which often came over before have been seldom seen around there. What’s (what is more, 缩写全部要全写!!) more, due to the pollution =contaminationcaused by the factories and residents, the sand-storm has become the regular guest in Beijing. Is it a tragedy that our human-being should try to avoid? (最好不要用反问句结尾,反问是中国的思维方式,但是老外不一样,很多时候都希望问题后面有答案,所以最好不用反问形式,至少我不用。)

People who demand
claim,这个词的运用比较广泛,注意积累。) that human needs for farmland, horsing, and industry are more important without recognizing the advantages that saving land for endangered animals has had in making the word more harmonious, more peaceful. According to a latest survey, comparing with 1990, there are 40 species of animals more in the list of endangered animal. When we enjoy the modern facilities and delectable dishes, isn’t it necessary to give some consideration to the homeless animals?  My friend Jacky for instance (有语病,改成 Take my friend Jacky for instance, when he came back from a tour to the West of China (Western China,不过无关痛痒), he told me that developed rapidly although that region has, people did irreparable harm to some endangered animals. Some of these animals are valuable for studying the history of world, however, they have been killed in order to construct the skyscrapers, to develop the industry. So , (以后不要用so, 会被鄙视的,用thus, hence, consequently, accordingly, as a result. is it somewhat childish to think that we can be benefit only by caring about the needs for farmland, horsing and industry?


(这个主体段整体不错,但最后的例子没写好,以下是我重写的段落:


Take my friend Jacky for instance, who has recently visited the Western China. After his return, he told me something he found astonishing: triggered by the desire of money, local residents are hunting for endangered animals constantly, and, needless to say, for the sake of valuable feathers and bones these beasts boast. I lost in thought for a while, concerning the safety of these poor creatures: is it beneficial, or, harmful? If we human beings destroy nature, can we live in harmony still? With all these questions I cannot find any answer. Nevertheless, I do know that it is time we should cease such unreasonable behavior. 最后这里我写得也不是很好,你自己可以试着修改一下。)

Nevertheless, as the growing number of population, people are much more avid for land than before. Without land, we can’t grow plant, have family and expand industry. Scientists have confirmed that if the speed of the population’s growth is constant, in 2150 year, there can’t be enough space on earth for human.


(这是你的让步段,用来显示你的思维的全面性,但最后你仍要倾向于你的主观点,比如在这一段,你可以说虽然粮食和土地很重要,但人类可以通过法律手段和科学方法来解决这些问题。)
Based on what I have discussed above, though the benefits that saving land for people’ needs results in are considerable, it can not compete with the advantages that saving land for endangered animals brings about. In this sense, protecting endangered animals is by all means of consequence, and we are able to achieve this by means of taking proper precautions, such as legal protection, public education… if not, the serious result will cost us more than we can afford.











HandsomeLee


My first compositionQuestion: The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide or travel alone.If you ask me what I like to do most in my leisure time, I will tell you that it is traveling around the world without any hesitation. Whether the young or the old, almost everyone has a dream or a hobby just like me, however, the ways may be different. Some people like travel in a group led by a guide, and some people like travel by themselves. If you want me to give you a suggestion, I think the best way is depending on yourself.


(你的作文总体写出来有点口语化,如果要你全面地适应托福作文, 是需要时间的, 建议你可以看一下我修改的其他作文, 更多地学习书面表达。然后再多写作文。)If you want to climb up the Statue of Liberty, or to see the massive art galleries in the Palace of the Louvre, or to go to Egypt to see the pyramid with your own eyes, however, you may not understand their languages or be unfamiliar with the abroad process, then you can attend a tour group. They will help you to handle many complicated procedures and what you need to do is following the tour guide, doing what he tells you to do, listening to his interpretation of the interests. It is both convenient and heart lighted. But, inevitably, you cannot have enough time to appreciate your favorite paintings, because you must keep the pace of the group.


(这一段一开始你就应该提到旅游中语言障碍的问题。 主体段的第一句一定要很突出地表达你自己的观点, 让人一看就明白: The first point I would like to emphasize is that if someone determines to travel abroad, language is one of the things he/she has to deal with… 后面再紧跟你举的例子。)On the other case on other cases, if you want to go to your dreaming place, such as Greece which you have known a lot about it, by yourself, then a self-tourism is more suitable for you than attending a tour group. In this case, not only could you have a closer look at your interested things, but also you could control your time schedule more flexible. You will have a wonderful time in the Aegean Sea with nobody hurrying you up. You will have enough time to breeze the fresh air coming from the Aegean Sea, and to feel the lovely sunshine there. However, you must spend much time doing something troublesome, such as reserving the restaurant and  buying tickets, and you may catch some trouble in the communication or loss yourself in a foreign country. (在文章中, 尽量少地出现第二人称, 请作者参看新东方的〈挑战IBT作文满分〉, 上面对人称的问题有论述。)To sum up (Sum up 一般用在很长的学术性的Lecture或文章末尾, 这里用To conclude 就可以了。), either by yourself or by a tour group, it depends on your situations. The best way is the way best suitable for you.



[ 本帖最后由 破海沧澜 于 2007-11-1 12:47 编辑 ]

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发表于 2007-10-9 12:26:34 |只看该作者

新的修改

halking

TWE第三篇求拍:the contribution of artists and scientists


which is more important to your country?

It is true that society can benefit from the works of its members. And for my turn, I maintain that both artists and scientists can contribute a lot to our country's advancement and prosperity. To give a comparison, I think the scientists are more important at this time of our country, simply because we are in the process of industrialization and urbanization which need a lot of technologies to pave the road for modern industries.

(Development benefits modern human beings dramatically, including scientific development as well as art development.Recently a widespread controversy has aroused public attention concerning the contribution of artists and scientists. Although a fair portion of people consist the leading role of artists and their masterpieces. From my personal perspective, I would argue that under today’s special circumstances, scientists seem to be a favorable position. Inarguably, the process of industrialization and urbanization hinges on the evolution of science and technology. Thus, with the sufficiency of substance, art projects are able to thrive. In short/put simply, the more advanced the scientific technology, the more financial support there will be, the more opportunity for local art to flourish.

这次我重写的段落有点打破我自己的常规,主要是作者太厉害,所以自己也不得不有所突破才行啊~!!也不知道作者自己满不满意,总之献丑啦!)

Broadly, we should admit that artists are also important to a society, such an importance can be reflected by continuous social science researches in university and also the cultural needs among people. Arts is an vital aspect of human beings, without arts we can not say we live in a civilized society. In certain development stage, however, the needs of rapid development may force people to pay more attention on the prosperity of science and technology, and hence want their colleges and universities to cultivate more engineers and scientists. This kind of choice can easily be understood, according to the Maslow's theory of human needs, people should meet their physiological needs first, which means they should lead a high level physical living first. And then it is emotional and social needs, which means the demanding of arts and social relationship, in a word their cultural need.
(Admittedly, no one could conceal the fact that artists constantly affect our daily life--- even people who take no interesting in art cannot have failed to see modern art in various forms. Beautiful sculptures stand in gardens, and outside buildings and shops, human beings have got quite used to them. Nevertheless, despite the spread of art in public places, science contributions still determine the wheel of the progress in the modern society, sometimes even unconsciously. Inventions of televisions, computers and many other electric instrument are just some of wonderful scientific breakthroughs which undoubtedly immortal. When it comes to the Internet, the effect of the science contribution may be evident: e-mails, e-meetings, e-games, e-shopping… modern industrial citizens indeed owe a lot to the Internet skill. In short, during this period, at least it seems to me, contribution of the scientists seems more influential upon the our country.

这个主体段你将art, science都写了进去,一开始我还以为你在用新东方教的取非式,所以我就用先抑后扬的手法写了一段,你可以对比一下。还有,如果你觉得我有什么地方写得不好或不对,你一定要指出来!打横线的句子是新概念英语3的原句, )


Therefore, in our country people choose to develop their economy first, try to reduce the poverty and promote the productivity of agriculture and hence provide more foods for people both in rural and urban areas. In more of agricultural areas, for example, people need more technicians and technologies to promote their production value and help them to prevent the disaster of pests. In such a situation they take little consideration about the enjoyment of arts, such a movies and painting or concert. A simple logic for them may be this: they should build a peaceful and sustainable physical life first, and then can go to school or send their children to school to enhance their cultural status, at last they would lead a rich living both physically and culturally.

(Transparently, for the majority, economy comes the first. The methods to eliminate poverty and resource scarcity are of most consequence/first-rate importance. Thus, the demand for science and technology is obvious. Perhaps it would suffice to mention agriculture, the field which links to life and death of the entire community (这句话自我感觉有点怪,貌似是chinglish). In terms of agriculture, technology is badly needed in various conditions: use technologies to increase their annual production, use technologies to seeding, use technologies to build up a drainage system, and so forth. Suppose farmers deal with their agricultural matters without the assistance of technology, the condition might be the same with that in ancient times. Farmers then have to fall back on nature to “wait” for a good harvest, since there is little thing they can do to decrease the amount of pests, to prevent the flood, to promote the production. Hence, considering all of these things we may attain a comprehensive view of importance of science contribution.)  


At the end, I want to say the importance of artist and scientist should be considered in a relative or comparative view, there is no absolute importance to any of them. For my country, at recent situation, because of the need to develop economy the scientists tend to be more valuable and useful in such a process or development stage. Maybe, after several decades, artists will be more important in our society, but which would not mean that scientists will not be important anymore. Again, there is only relative importance instead of absolute importance.

(Although I stress the importance of scientific contribution, my though is like this: for humans, science is of consequence, meanwhile, art is by all means indispensable, too. However, considering the concrete situation of the globe, considering that the majority of the population in our country is still in the trouble of poverty, it is the scientific contributions can solve the problem at this time. Briefly, only if the quality of people’s life improve can people flourish their art and culture.

According to the discussion above, now I can safely draw the conclusion that for my country, the contribution of scientists is more important.

你这篇文章,虽然和我自己的风格不太象,但的确是一篇好作文,虽然我的水平有限,但我想提醒作者:当你已经知道对于托福作文语言非常重要之后,如何清晰地表达你的观点成为重中之重。如果你看过我以前的修改你就会发现我所修改的东东全部都有共同点,那不是因为我不能改变,而是我觉得对于考试,你一定要形成自己的套路。如果你写作文的时候感觉写有些句子已经成为本能,那就对了。)   

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发表于 2007-10-9 12:37:27 |只看该作者

作文修改提示

由于小超人10.17 杀T, 所以最近改的作文会少一些, 如果没能即使回复大家的作文, 请见谅!
同时, 在这段时间, 我会修改一定量的综合作文, 如果大家有写好的综合作文, 可以发上来, 我优先看综合。
10.17后我会继续为大家修改作文, 与此同时,我11.3 会第2次杀T!
大家都加油吧!!!!

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发表于 2007-10-10 16:57:54 |只看该作者

新的修改

halking

TWE第一篇求拍:if you could ask a famous person one question


At the first look, this is a simple question, but with some reflection it becomes a tough choice, it all depends on what kind of famous person you meet. As far as my own response is concerned, the special question comes to my mind is what were you doing when you were still an infamous person just like me.
(你的开头已经有了一个固定的模式,我就不在这上面作修改了。)



As a famous person, of course he or she is rich, and have won a lot of respect and admire. all of these, however, tend to confuse your judgment. So if you want to know what kind of person he or she really is I think such a question will more or less give you some deep impression about that. For example, some day you meet a very famous professor in your field, more specifically, he or she is a Nobel Prize winner. You got a really big chance, but if you ask him or her why are you so successful today, are there some useful tips or shortcuts? Most frequently, you will get such a response: just keep trying, focus on something interesting, and after the age of 50 or 60, you will get what I get today. That is right, but what you can learn from his response? So little, everybody know he or she should try their best to pursue their goal in life, but the problem is how to practice this!


(我觉得你的这一段写得偏口语化,今天我在看有关托福的材料的时候,有句话让我印象非常深刻:外国人评论中国人的口语和写作的时候这样说道: they talk like a book and they write like a child. 这句话让我气愤的同时有使我深入思考:怎样在英文写作发面提高中国人的整体水平。首先,我觉得我们要抛弃口语化的写作,尽量用书面语。虽然我在这个话题上不熟悉,写的时候也许不很到位,但我也尽量在语言方面提升了质量,你可以参考一下。


Famous as an individual might be, the respect and applauds he/she receives may put his/her individuality in disguise. Accordingly, the optimal way to judge a person is to look into his/her past, the past time when he /she still led an ordinary life. Very true is the old saying from Confucius:” If you would like to know a person, know him when he is studying.” Suppose we make an unwise decision to care about their current situation, the outcome might be in disappointment--- although we are able to get replies from them about their success, their answers sound parallel, like a basic formula of success--- that is, keep trying, stick to what you like, and when you are old enough then you will be successful enough. Honestly, from their response we could scarcely learn anything, owing to their success, a special kind of thing that prevent us from them.



However, if you ask him what did you do everyday when you were my age? what you did everyday in your childhood, were you a thoughtful guy? This would be a better question, why? Because you can get more ideas and inspiration from such kind of response. From his or her response, you may know you should join more social activities, such as serving as volunteer in some conferences or doing some volunteer works for local community. Or, simply, you should train yourself to be a more open-mind student, try to find chances to discuss with your lecturers or your classmates. In a word, doing something special would certainly distinguish yourself with others, and then actually you have paved the road to success by yourself.


(In this sense, questions concerning their past sound powerful. Above of all, the response we might get is comparatively concrete: what did he/she do when he/she encountered risks? How did he/she feel when he/she fell into failure? From all such questions we gradually know the famous, know the famous person comprehensively. Moreover, there is no shortage of TV talk shows interviewing the famous figures. From such programs we know about their past and experience mostly, especially their experience of painful effort. And, during and after watching such talk shows , their arduous journeys to the success constantly move me deeply, inspire me to strive hard just like those famous person. Consequently, in accordance with my own perspective, questions about the famous persons’ past may benefit us greatly.)  


To be frank, such a choice of question actually, in other words, means what we can learn from famous person. You can not simply hold a wish that I want to be famous too because he or she can be such famous. What you need to do is to find some ways practical or directive for your recent situation instead of asking a question full with passion and admire, just as a professor in our college always says: following your own choice and interests is exactly your shortcut in your career even in your life.


(这个让步段我觉得你处理得不好,这一段你写的很多东西前文就有或者间接可以从前文得到,建议作者参考一下我写的这个让步段:
Admittedly, after asking questions about famous persons’ past we still cannot get a relatively comprehensive view of persons themselves. When it comes to the problems of daily life, marriage, education and study, we still need further explanations from the famous. However, due to the fact that we are limited to ask only one question and we need an objective view of these persons, I do believe that questions about their past is of most use for ordinary people.)  




At last, it is hard to give any conclusive summary. What I want to say is that, having a chance to meet some celebrities is lucky, but the most important thing is to find some practical ways suitable to your interests and your dream, and then someday your dream will become your excited career.

(结尾可以多说一些废话: After three paragraphs of discussion, now I would like to come to the bottom line: from the argument above……)
(这种题目其实很不好写,而这种题目在以往的托福考试中出现次数也较少,所以我以前没怎么引起重视。直到今天我在改这篇文章的时候,我才发现这种题材是多么难处理。比如主体段,虽然我写了两段,但实际上两段是连接的,只表达了一个观点,用很多的字数表达仅一个观点,很难啊!不知道作者对于这类题目有没有什么心得体会,尽量帖出来,大家一起学习一下!)

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发表于 2007-10-10 17:01:29 |只看该作者

新的修改

king888

lz好人,帮改下我写的作文,谢谢 delta P407
The professor gave us a vivid lecture discussing the inconsistence conclusion in the mark test, the same behavior, and the social responsible which cast doubt on the reading material which stated that some animals possess self-awareness.

The reading passage provided a series of experiments including the "mark test". In the listening material, the professor also mentioned this mark test. On the contrary, the professor received the conclusion that the self-aware is not the characteristic. He said through several repeated test, only one chimpanzee touch the mirror, and the experiments is so inconsistent that nothing can be proved. This contradicted the point that the chimpanzees touch the spots seven times in a half hour. This is the first aspect that the professor contradicted the reading passage.

In addition, the professor said the chimpanzees exhibited the same behavior through out the experiment except one. In 11 chimpanzees, only one's behavior is special. All chimpanzees touch their face and head much. This suggested that the conclusion that the chimpanzees touched more frequency when they faced the mirror which is held by the reading material could not be concluded.

Finally, the professor raised the issue that the behavior of the chimpanzees may be the social behavior instead of the self-aware. He said self-grooming is social behavior. On one experiment, one chimpanzee showed the same behavior even though it did not see its image in the mirror. So, it's difficult to propose whether the behavior is social behavior which would appear also if they meet the same species or the self-aware demonstrated by the reading passage. This the third aspect the professor cast doubt on the reading material.

To sum up, taking into account into all the reasons discussed above, the viewpoint in the reading material is not confirmed.


综合写作,
294
呵呵,加了字数哈

这是我写的一篇综合,同样的题目,在综合写作方面我只能够与大家对比写,因为这一块我自己也相对薄弱,写得很烂,希望大家不要介意,并希望大家多多提意见啊!!

In the reading material, the writer states the existence of self-awareness of animals by providing the results of mirror experiments and mark tests. On the other hand, the speaker states her own opinion challenging the ideas in the reading.

First of all, in the reading, the writer states his idea of animals' self-awareness with results mirror tests in apes and mark tests in chimpanzees, which shows that when these animals look at the mirror, they are likely to react and gradually recognize themselves in the mirror. However, the speaker casts doubt on the results of the experiment, arguing that chimpanzees touch their marks because of their social behaviors or routines other than self-awareness, for it is common for chimpanzees to touch their own bodies often.

In addition, the speaker also explains that results of the mirror test of monkeys is also inaccurate. She states that monkeys' reaction is a kind of social behavior, probably not the self-awareness. Although monkeys do have some reactions when there is a mirror in their cages, the reactions can also be aroused by the monkeys nearby. Contracting the ideas in the reading.

Finally, the speaker states the difficulty of detecting the ability of self-awareness among animals. Since these animals possess some social behaviors, it is difficult to tell whether certain behaviors is social or the phenomenon of self-awareness, which is also opposite with the ideas in the reading.

So, analyzing the reading and listening material, the speaker disagree with the writer, and she explains her statement based on the experiments the writer mentions.

字数:258

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发表于 2007-10-10 18:24:33 |只看该作者
大概在90多楼的那个题目我已经修改完全!
我写的这些都没有用模板,直接是随心所欲写的,就是想知道自己到底有多少水平!

呵呵,无论如何谢谢沧海小超人!
My Blog: http://halking.blogspot.com/
My Web: http://sites.google.com/site/halkingwang/

{ Ph.D. from Penn State University, 2010 - 2014}

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发表于 2007-10-11 12:17:18 |只看该作者

关于考位的问题

昨天ETS大放考位,不知道大家抢到没有,如果不知道的今天去看看,或许还有位子。
注意,内地考生要慎重选择上海的考位,那里高手很多, 好强实力又不太雄厚的同学最好不要去。 打击信心。。。。。
帖一点考位的建议,供大家分享。。。。

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RE: 作文修改小超人(停止修改) [修改]
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