零散版友作文互改大贴

catfieldUID: 2481699

这个是一定要顶的！

Rainbow12UID: 2528107

             Argument187


In this argument, the arguer recommends that we should increase our consumption of fish in order to prevent depression. He claims because two scientists have suggested that Omega-3 fatty acids which found in some fish and fish oil play a key role in mental health, we should eat more fish. However, at the very first glance, the speakers' claim seems to be plausible, but after a clearly thinking, it lies in several fallacies and logical flaws discussed below.

To begin with, the arguer's precondition that who eats more fish will suffer less depression may be not guaranteed. This article only provides us that they found the omega-3 fatty acids in some fish and fish oils. It is entirely possible that this omega-3 fatty acids not exist in some other fish. So the arguer put some fish having omega-3 fatty acids between all fish having omega-3 fatty acids are an equal relationship. This is an obvious fallacy.

Even if I were to concede that it is the fact that omega-3 fatty acids are exist in all fish, the speaker's claim is also suspect. Firstly, the speaker offers us the evidence that our ancestors are less depression than we are today. He owe this phenomenon to our ancestors ate more fish. However, this is too hasty because today's society has been so different to the ancient. Perhaps our ancestors' life was so simple that they did not worry about tomorrow. They have less pressure than us. Look at what we meet today; busy with work, to live fast-paced, highly productive society, the knowledge explosion. Did our ancestors meet these? So, why should they suffer depression? Moreover, the arguer claims that in Japan and Taiwan that consume large quantities of fish report depression rates lower than in the US. This phenomenon may not only cause to consume of fish but also cause to such as the difference about work pressure and social system. And the arguer owes this phenomenon only to consume of fish is lacking evidence.

At last but not least, the arguer's conclusion is too arbitrary. Many reasons will lead to suffer from depression. Only increase our consumption of fish will not obviously prevent depression. In addition, not all people like to eat fish. If some people do not like, then what they can do?

To sum up, as it stands, the argument lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer need to provide us specific information about omega-3 fatty acids and offer us more credible evidence which can prove that eat more fish will be less to suffer from depression.

corpuscleUID: 2503411

顺序不要乱，严格按制度来
如果LZ需要帮忙，回帖或者PM我们，我们会把不遵守制度的回帖删除的

tchypUID: 2559154

188A new report suggests that men and women experience pain very differently from one another, and that doctors should consider these differences when prescribing pain medications. When researchers administered the same dosage of kappa opioids—a painkiller—to 28 men and 20 women who were having their wisdom teeth extracted, the women reported feeling much less pain than the men, and the easing of pain lasted considerably longer in women. This research suggests that kappa opioids should be prescribed for women whenever pain medication is required, whereas men should be given other kinds of pain medication. In addition, researchers should reevaluate the effects of all medications on men versus women.

   This new report advises the difference of feeling about pain between men and women so that the prescriptions ought to be different between men and women and even we should reevaluate the effects of medicines. To support this idea, the writer cites a research about the effect of a painkiller and the research suggests the necessity of prescribing according to sex. However, thinking the article over, we will easily discover some flaws that undermine the standpoint of the author.
   First of all, the most supportive evidence to the viewpoint is the result of the research. In this experiment, according to the report, researchers administered the same dose to 28 men and 20 women and the feelings are totally different between them. It is little persuasive without knowing the health condition of both sides. Perhaps, the disease on these women is much less serious than that on the men or the health conditions of women are better so that women felt less pain. Or it may be the habit, not using the wisdom teeth for chewing, that affects the period of pain-relieving. Either possibility's occurrence will weaken the viewpoint that bases on the research.
Another serious problem in the research is that the samples 28 men and 20 women, is far from sufficient. It is entirely possible that these people’s bodies are extraordinary strong, which may result in deviation about the effect of opioids. Therefore, without enough samples, the research becomes unreliable and may probably lead to false result and the speculation based on it is doubtful. And the writer provides no evidence to prove the sufficiency of samples.
   Besides, regardless of the flaws in research, the conclusion that researchers should reevaluate the medicines is based on a logical flaw. Everyone knows that the differences between medications are so considerable that one medicine lacks the representation. Considering of this, we can easily perceive that the result of the experiment, which I regard it reasonable temporarily, on one kind of medicine is poorly supportive to the promotion of the reevaluation of all kinds of medicines. It is totally possible that the difference of the effect of the medicine between men and women exists only in that painkiller.
   In sum, the conclusion, the prescriptions should be made according to sex and it is necessary to reevaluate the effects of all kinds of medicines on men versus women, is base on a problematic research and a series of logical errors. If the author either increases the number of patients or chooses them base on their physical conditions or proves all the medicines have the same character, the viewpoint will be more persuasive.

yunvbujimoUID: 2594632

鉴于这是本贴里第一个反错的帖子....就补语追究了...我就带为改之.....希望以后不要有这种状况了
改17楼作文如下
Argument187

In this argument, the arguer recommends that we should increase our consumption of fish in order to prevent depression. He claims because two scientists have suggested that Omega-3 fatty acids which found in some fish and fish oil play a key role in mental health, we should eat more fish. However, at the (very多余吧) first glance, the speakers' claim seems to be plausible, but after a clearly thinking, it lies in several fallacies and logical flaws discussed below.

To begin with, the arguer's precondition that who eats more fish will suffer less depression may be not guaranteed. This article only provides us that they found the omega-3 fatty acids in some fish and fish oils. It is entirely possible that this omega-3 fatty acids not exist in some other fish. So the arguer put some fish having omega-3 fatty acids between all fish having omega-3 fatty acids are an equal relationship. This is an obvious fallacy. (可以再详细点,比如说Even increasing the consumption does not mean we can get more  omega-3 fatty acids.)

Even if I were(was) to concede that it is the fact that omega-3 fatty acids are exist in all fish, the speaker's claim is also suspect. Firstly, the speaker offers us the evidence that our ancestors are less depression than we are today. He owe this phenomenon to our ancestors ate more fish. However, this is too hasty because today's society has been so different (to) from the ancient. Perhaps our ancestors'( life was)lives were so simple that they did not worry about tomorrow. They( have)had less pressure than us. Looking at what we meet today; busy with work, to live fast-paced, highly productive society, the knowledge explosion. (好象语法有问题吧?)Did our ancestors meet these? So, why should they suffer depression? Moreover, the arguer claims that in Japan and Taiwan that consume large quantities of fish report depression rates lower than in the US. This phenomenon may not only cause to consume of fish but also cause to such as the difference about work pressure and social system. And the arguer owes this phenomenon only to consume of fish is lacking evidence.

At last but not least, the arguer's conclusion is too arbitrary. Many reasons will lead to suffer from depression. Only increase our consumption of fish will not obviously prevent depression. In addition, not all people like to eat fish. If some people do not like, then what they can do?(多写点拉.....举几个例子,还有什么可能性可以预防?)

To sum up, as it stands, the argument lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer need to provide us specific information about omega-3 fatty acids and offer us more credible evidence which can prove that eat more fish will be less to suffer from depression.

内容可以再丰富一点,语法再仔细一点(其实我的语法也不好).......比如就算吃鱼,此物质也不一定被吸收.

yunvbujimoUID: 2594632

下面楼层的朋友请改19楼 文章 谢谢合作

annaxujn12UID: 2569787

占位改19楼的文章

This new report advises the difference of feeling about pain between men and women so that the prescriptions ought to be different between men and women and even we（这里用we不合适，改成researchers, even去掉） should reevaluate the effects of medicines. To support this idea, the writer cites a research about the effect of a painkiller and the research suggests the necessity of prescribing according to sex. However, thinking the article over, we will easily discover some flaws that undermine the standpoint of the author.

   First of all, the most supportive evidence to the viewpoint is the result of the research. In this experiment, according to the report, researchers administered the same dose to 28 men and 20 women and the feelings are totally different between them.（and their feelings are totally different）；（这句前加上However，比较好，尽量保证句与句之间都是紧紧相扣的） It is（个人觉得这里用seems比it更好） little persuasive without knowing the health condition of both sides. Perhaps, the disease on these women is much less serious than that on the men or the health conditions of women are better so that women felt less pain.（时态要统一） Or it may be the habit, not using the wisdom teeth for chewing, that （which）affects the period of pain-relieving.(个人觉得这句话没写好，谈habit可以，但是要指出智齿的问题只是其中一个example,然后还是指出正好这些男女之间的习惯不同比较好，不然驳的力度不够) Either possibility's occurrence will weaken the viewpoint that bases on the research.

Another serious problem in the research is that the samples 28 men and 20 women, is far from sufficient. （is的主语是samples,主谓不一致的错误；个人建议这句话后面改成：is that the number of samples,28 men and 20women, is far from sufficient）It is entirely possible that these people’s bodies are extraordinary strong, which may result in deviation about the effect of opioids. (指出样本不充分，不多样，不具代表性的例句很多，建议参考北美范文进行一下仿写，这句话觉得读上去不是太舒服，但我也不知道怎么改比较好)Therefore, without enough samples, the research becomes unreliable and may probably lead to false result(要么是a false result要么是false results) and the speculation based on it is doubtful. And （In addition比and好，文章里已经and了好几次了）the writer provides no evidence to prove the sufficiency of samples.

   Besides, regardless of the flaws in research, the conclusion that researchers should reevaluate the medicines is based on a logical flaw. Everyone knows that the differences between medications are so considerable that one medicine lacks the representation. Considering of this, we can easily perceive that the result of the experiment, which I regard it reasonable temporarily, on one kind of medicine is poorly supportive to the promotion of the reevaluation of all kinds of medicines. It is totally possible that the difference of the effect of the medicine between men and women exists only in that painkiller.

   In sum, the conclusion, the prescriptions should be made according to sex and it is necessary to reevaluate the effects of all kinds of medicines on men versus women, is base on a problematic research and a series of logical errors.（可是你文章里只指出了一个逻辑方面的错误，其他两个攻的都是research） If the author either increases the number of patients or chooses them base on their physical conditions or proves all the medicines have the same character, the viewpoint will be more persuasive.

开头我没怎么动，因为我A的开头到现在也还不是太肯定；
我看出来的一些语法上的问题都已经原文标明了，我觉得你需要检查的就是长句的主谓，时态，单复数的前后一致了，写长句子写到最后会忘记很正常的，多留心检查；
全篇还有什么不足的话，就是句与句，段与段的紧密度读下来很低；and用的太多了，想办法让词多些变化吧。
恩，暂时就说这么多吧，第一次帮别人改，改得不对的不好的，还请多多包涵啊：）
加油！

annaxujn12UID: 2569787

28"Students should memorize facts only after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts. Students who have learned only facts have learned very little."

In accord with the rapid social and technological development resulting in continuously creative thoughts and inventions, students should not only limit themselves to master the facts which are taught in the class or from the book but also ponder what these facts really are, why these facts happen and what may these facts be in the future. The era is calling for the insightful talents not only know facts but know more.

It cannot be denied that remembering facts only is fully significant in the beginning of learning because almost everybody, including the author, has to experience a period of time in accumulating basic knowledge so that we can get the general and the first idea of what the world is like. Dating back to the past, the grammar school's teachers told children the primary principles of writing, reading and arithmetic without any explanations and the chemistry teachers strictly required students to memorize the periodic table of elements even when they know nothing about chemistry. Yet nobody will complain that there is no point doing those practices. Instead, only knowing facts by heart motivates humans’ interests to further their study.

However, with the accumulation of knowledge in various kinds of fields, just memorizing facts is far from people's demand. If one is eager to be a specialist who is devoted to a particular branch of study or research, he/she is reluctant to be bogged down into the "only-facts-remembering war". A Good example of this is that when some children become university students who major a certain language, they always spend much time reading the works of different authors and collecting the information which reflects the changes of the language in the history before they conclude their opinions on what the principles of reading and writing of the language are and the reasonableness of the existence. Students addicting themselves to chemistry are in the same case. The names of elements are not their destination, so they expose themselves to the physical property of the elements, the chemistry property of elements, the chemical reactions and everything related to the elements. To some extent, memorizing the ideas, trends and concepts before facts is the key to master knowledge in the learning process.

Furthermore, only facts leaning does great harm to the progress of physical and social science, especially leaning the mistakes repeatedly. Once upon a time, the phenomenon that people all stick to the point that the earth is in the center of the universe is resulted from people's passively attitude that remembering facts means everything. Only by completely checking the facts and its relating information can people question the reliability of the facts, accordingly to make every endeavor to narrow the escape between the truth and what humans have known. Through this way, scientists and researchers establish many new theories and materials to improve our life.

In sum, both memorizing the facts and mastering its relating information are fairly significant. On one hand, people cannot further their study without learning facts only in the childhood; On the other hand, people should learn more things besides facts only. What to learn and how to learn depend on the time of learning.
求各位拍砖

tchypUID: 2559154

22# annaxujn12
谢谢指点，我语言不怎样，还需提高~一起加油~

yunvbujimoUID: 2594632

浮起

yunvbujimoUID: 2594632

起来

shipno1UID: 2481462

占位改23楼

28"Students should memorize facts only after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts. Students who have learned only facts have learned very little."

In accord with the rapid social and technological development resulting in continuously creative thoughts and inventions, students should not only limit themselves to master the facts which are taught in the class or from the book but also ponder what these facts really are, why these facts happen and what may these facts be in the future. The era is calling for the insightful talents not only know facts but know more.这一句好像意思表达得不具体 开头没有提到应该先学facts还是ideas，让人我想尽快找出你的观点

It cannot be denied that remembering facts only is fully significant in the beginning of learning（everything） because almost everybody, including the author, has to experience a period of time in accumulating basic knowledge so that we can get the general and the first idea of what the world is like. 直接说学习世界是怎么样的有点泛了，我觉得可以说学习每一样东西都是要积累基本知识Dating back to the past, the grammar school's teachers told children the primary principles of writing, reading and arithmetic without any explanations and the chemistry teachers strictly required students to memorize the periodic table of elements even when they know nothing about chemistry. Yet nobody will complain that there is no point doing those practices. Instead, only knowing facts by heart motivates humans’ interests to further their study.

However, with the accumulation of knowledge in various kinds of fields, just memorizing facts is far from people's demand. If one is eager to be a specialist who is devoted to a particular branch of study or research, he/she is reluctant to be bogged down into the "only-facts-remembering war". A Good example of this is that when some children become university students（儿童马上到大学生） who major a certain language, they always spend much time reading the works of different authors and collecting the information which reflects the changes of the language in the history before they conclude their opinions on what the principles of reading and writing of the language are and the reasonableness of the existence.（这句有点长了） Students addicting themselves to chemistry are in the same case. The names of elements are not their destination, so they expose themselves to the physical property of the elements, the chemistry property of elements, the chemical reactions and everything related to the elements. To some extent, memorizing the ideas, trends and concepts before facts is the key to master knowledge in the learning process.

Furthermore, only facts leaning does great harm to the progress of physical and social science, especially leaning the mistakes repeatedly. Once upon a time, the phenomenon that people all stick to the point that the earth is in the center of the universe is resulted from people's passively attitude that remembering facts means everything. Only by completely checking the facts and its relating information can people question the reliability of the facts, accordingly to make every endeavor to narrow the escape between the truth and what humans have known. Through this way, scientists and researchers establish many new theories and materials to improve our life.

In sum, both memorizing the facts and mastering its relating information are fairly significant. On one hand, people cannot further their study without learning facts only in the childhood; On the other hand, people should learn more things besides facts only. What to learn and how to learn depend on the time of learning.
语言短语用得很好，观点全面。我看的时候是在找茬，所以看出来我自认为是问题的问题
你说是应该先学ideas再学facts，与第二段观点有点矛盾，而且你没有说明原因，忽略了这个论点。我觉得你应该兼顾ideas和facts
就这么多吧，改完了。虽然点不多，但是每一点我都觉得挺重要的。 但是要全部改过来很难，我有经验。所以我想你自己觉得对的就别改了。

shipno1UID: 2481462

先谢谢下面改我的板油啦，如果有的话
因为这里好像很冷清，斑竹能做点事情吗
88. "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."
  
技术不仅仅影响而且实际上是决定了社会传统和道德规范。
传统  
1.童年玩的东西都不同。
2.沟通的方式不同
3.过年方式不同
道德
1.离婚没什么，婚前同居没什么，婚前搞大肚子没什么，婚外情也可以原谅
有决定趋向，后果，因此不能
1.不受科技影响，坚持习俗
2.鼓励原始生活
3.提倡文化，精神文明 物质
4.无论如何变，道德底线守住

Admittedly, technologies largely influence social customs and ethics. As technologies develop at a really high speed, social customs and ethics are changed unbelievably. We can hardly predict what would happen to our society while technology has no desire to stop at all.
As it’s known to all, traditional customs have been altered with the emergence of new technologies. In the past, we spend our childhood playing games outside after class on our way home. Basically, we were curious about everything we saw, and then we would figure out a way how to enjoy ourselves with it. At present, children are mostly using their free time to make contact with electrical machines, TV and, most of all, computer. They are confronting a crisis of losing chances to take part in the social activities. Furthermore, my family used to cautiously celebrate our Spring Festival which means we complied with every traditional customs at that time. We gathered together on Chuxi Eve, and paid a visit to every relative during the next few days. But now we are even too lazy to go out during the so-called happy days, because my parents work so hard and they demand some rest, partly resulting from the increasing pressure caused by the development of technology. So, our old customs have been replaced by new ones due to the speedy development of technology, and so have our old ethics.
  For example, our ethics about love and marriage was relatively conventional in the past, while technological works show that people are originally produced by a combination of a sperm and an egg, it breaks down many restrictions about love and marriage. People begin to drop out the thought that a couple is doomed to be together forever, instead they fight hard to choose a company who can satisfy themselves, which cause a lot of strange cases happened in modern society. Society is accepting divorce, living together before marriage, having baby without marriage, or even cheating. If the trend goes on, who can promise there will be no horrible things in the future?
  If technologies continue to affect social customs and ethics, it can determine our social customs and ethics. At last we may lose our traditional festival like Spring Festival, and we may find it embarrassed to confront our morality like love value. So we must take measures to preserve some valuable customs and ethics. First of all, we must stick to our originally customs regardless of the effects from science. We can celebrate our festivals and do what our ancestors tell us to do no matter how hard it is in that we can not only memorize these days for a rather long time but also experience a true festival. Second, society should encourage citizens to experience original life instead of lives in front of electronic machines such as TV and computer. Children must do some sports or go on a camp on holiday with their friends in order to learn to how to cooperate with other people, which is interesting and meaningful. Adults should notice the importance of ethics. Instead of endlessly pursuing the materials day and night, they should reflect themselves by listening to elder people or reading some books about morality. At last, no matter how far the moral rules can reach, we must complete things according to our conscience and remember not to harm other people on purpose.
  If we accomplish the measures I mentioned above, we may remain ourselves and pass our valuable customs and ethics to our next generation, leaving relatively useful cultural assets to them, which means our culture would not eaten up by technologies.

annaxujn12UID: 2569787

特别感谢shipno1，我等了那么久终于等到有人给我提意见啦。特别谢谢你。你的意见提的很中肯，我看下来确实都是。不知道你觉得这样的ISSUE4分拿得到么？我稍稍研究过评分标准，但是至今没什么把握

annaxujn12UID: 2569787

改27楼
Admittedly, technologies largely influence social customs and ethics. As technologies develop at a really high speed, social customs and ethics are changed（我觉得这里用完成时或者进行时，都会比一般现在时来的好） unbelievably. We can hardly predict what would happen to our society while technology has no desire to stop at all.
As it’s known to all, traditional customs have been altered with the emergence of new technologies. In the past, we spend （spent）our childhood playing games outside after class on our way home. Basically, we were curious about everything we saw, and then we would figure out a way how to enjoy ourselves with it. (这句是否应该稍微举几个例子，小时候玩的东西是啥，比如little stones,a piece of stem from a tree~~,不然无法反映出那时没电子的东东，对比不明显了)At present, children are mostly using their free time to make contact with electrical machines, TV and, most of all, computer. They are confronting a crisis of losing chances to take part in the social activities. Furthermore, my family used to cautiously celebrate our Spring Festival which means we complied with every traditional customs at that time. We gathered together on Chuxi Eve, and paid a visit to every relative during the next few days. But now we are even too lazy to go out during the so-called happy days, because my parents work so hard and they demand some rest, partly resulting from the increasing pressure caused by the development of technology. So, our old customs have been replaced by new ones due to the speedy development of technology, and so have our old ethics.
  For example, our ethics about love and marriage was relatively conventional in the past, while technological works show that people are originally produced by a combination of a sperm and an egg, it breaks down many restrictions about love and marriage. People begin to drop out the thought that a couple is doomed to be together forever, instead they fight hard to choose a company who can satisfy themselves, which cause（causes） a lot of strange cases happened(happening) in modern society. Society is accepting divorce, living together before marriage, having baby without marriage, or even cheating. If the trend goes on, who can promise there will be no horrible things in the future?
  If technologies continue to affect social customs and ethics, it can determine our social customs and ethics. At last we may lose our traditional festival like Spring Festival, and we may find it embarrassed to confront our morality like love value. So we must take measures to preserve some valuable customs and ethics. First of all, we must stick to our originally customs regardless of the effects from science. We can celebrate our festivals and do what our ancestors tell us to do no matter how hard it is in that we can not only memorize these days for a rather long time but also experience a true festival. Second, society should encourage citizens to experience original life instead of lives in front of electronic machines such as TV and computer. Children must do some sports or go on a camp on holiday with their friends in order to learn to how to cooperate with other people, which is interesting and meaningful. Adults should notice the importance of ethics. Instead of endlessly pursuing the materials day and night, they should reflect themselves by listening to elder people or reading some books about morality. At last, no matter how far the moral rules can reach, we must complete things according to our conscience and remember not to harm other people on purpose. (这段可以这么提么？我之前考虑这题的时候怕这么写偏题哎~~~请教)
  If we accomplish the measures I mentioned above, we may remain ourselves and pass our valuable customs and ethics to our next generation, leaving relatively useful cultural assets to them, which means our culture would not eaten up by technologies

论述条理非常清楚。例子展开的非常到位。我只是按着自己的水平再提了点意见，权作参考。
明确，充分，很具有说服力。我觉得是一篇很干净很好的文章。
但是倒数第二段真的可以这么写么？再次请教