零散版友作文互改大贴

annaxujn12UID: 2569787

48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

The author presents his/her view that the historians have always paid too much attention on individuals while they have ignored the significance role played by groups of people who made some historical events and trends possible. In my perspective, although I concede the necessity of the study of the remarkable few, I agree with the assertion that the study of history should memorize the contributions made by the groups of people as well.

Admittedly, selecting representative samples in the history to study is an effective method some time. To cite as an example, New Journalism is a significant concept that every students majoring journalism must master. Yet, there is no point learning endless works of numerous authors because it is after the publication of an anthology named "the New Journalism" that the term was put forward. In other words, only by studying that anthology in depth can people understand the characteristic of what the new journalism style really is and employ this style to their story writing. The same cases also happen in the history of other fields.

However, in the recent years, the point "the history of the world is but the biography of great men" of a famous historian has been challenged so much times that we must doubt whether we only emphasizing on the well-known individuals. The influential magazine Times considered "YOU" as the people of the year in the year of 2006 because of the wild tips in the Wikipedia, the sea of clips in the Youtube, the countless blogs in the Myspace and so on. Just as the article tells us, it is the mass who always give historians the impression that they do little to the development of human history that change the world, and thus change the way the world changes. No individual can play a more irreplaceable role in the modern history.

Moreover, in the world, many experts have asserted that the rebuilding of the confidence of ordinary people is the key to the global financial crisis. And the study of how ordinary people thought and how they would behavior, to some extent, is an important and heating topic for the researchers. In China, it is not a certain celebrity or the traditional media but the cyber citizens that report the disaster at the first time in the Sichuan Earthquake. Then the ordinary people quickly try their best to help the victims in Sichuan: some people hurriedly prepare for the necessary goods; some write blessings on the nets to call for more people to donate money to the charities to help victims; some immediately join the volunteer groups to go to Sichuan. It is reported thousands of volunteers, no matter in the cyber world or in the realistic world, do great contributions to the victory of conquering the earthquake. The study of history on how to struggle for the earthquake cannot miss the mass. Both examples have proved that with the globalization and the rapid progress in the Internet, the groups of people whose identities have been always overlooked are becoming constructive.

In sum, the efficiency and the effectiveness of the study of the remarkable few in the history cannot be denied, however, the study of the groups of people in the history may show more values according to the great era filled with changes and progress

annaxujn12UID: 2569787

48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

The author presents his/her view that the historians have always paid too much attention on individuals while they have ignored the significance role played by groups of people who made some historical events and trends possible. In my perspective, although I concede the necessity of the study of the remarkable few, I agree with the assertion that the study of history should memorize the contributions made by the groups of people as well.

Admittedly, selecting representative samples in the history to study is an effective method some time. To cite as an example, New Journalism is a significant concept that every students majoring journalism must master. Yet, there is no point learning endless works of numerous authors because it is after the publication of an anthology named "the New Journalism" that the term was put forward. In other words, only by studying that anthology in depth can people understand the characteristic of what the new journalism style really is and employ this style to their story writing. The same cases also happen in the history of other fields.

However, in the recent years, the point "the history of the world is but the biography of great men" of a famous historian has been challenged so much times that we must doubt whether we only emphasizing on the well-known individuals. The influential magazine Times considered "YOU" as the people of the year in the year of 2006 because of the wild tips in the Wikipedia, the sea of clips in the Youtube, the countless blogs in the Myspace and so on. Just as the article tells us, it is the mass who always give historians the impression that they do little to the development of human history that change the world, and thus change the way the world changes. No individual can play a more irreplaceable role in the modern history.

Moreover, in the world, many experts have asserted that the rebuilding of the confidence of ordinary people is the key to the global financial crisis. And the study of how ordinary people thought and how they would behavior, to some extent, is an important and heating topic for the researchers. In China, it is not a certain celebrity or the traditional media but the cyber citizens that report the disaster at the first time in the Sichuan Earthquake. Then the ordinary people quickly try their best to help the victims in Sichuan: some people hurriedly prepare for the necessary goods; some write blessings on the nets to call for more people to donate money to the charities to help victims; some immediately join the volunteer groups to go to Sichuan. It is reported thousands of volunteers, no matter in the cyber world or in the realistic world, do great contributions to the victory of conquering the earthquake. The study of history on how to struggle for the earthquake cannot miss the mass. Both examples have proved that with the globalization and the rapid progress in the Internet, the groups of people whose identities have been always overlooked are becoming constructive.

In sum, the efficiency and the effectiveness of the study of the remarkable few in the history cannot be denied, however, the study of the groups of people in the history may show more values according to the great era filled with changes and progress

saavedroUID: 2423190

零模板？？？  嗯 这个不错~~~

zadUID: 2507560

48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. Themost significant events and trends in history were made possible not bythe famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long beenforgotten."

The author presents his/her view that the historians have always paidtoo much attention on individuals while they have ignored thesignificance role played by groups of people who made some historicalevents and trends possible. In my perspective, although I concede thenecessity of the study of the remarkable few, I agree with theassertion that the study of history should memorize the contributionsmade by the（删去the） groups of people as well.

Admittedly, selecting representative samples in the history to study isan effective method some time. To cite as an example, New Journalism isa significant concept that every studentsstudent majoring journalism in Journalism mustmaster. Yet, there is no point learning endless works of numerousauthors because it is after the publication of an anthology named "theNew Journalism" that the term was put forward这句话不太懂. In other words, only bystudying that anthology in depth can people understand thecharacteristic of what the new journalism style really is and employthis style to their story writing.前面的例子和历史学相关度是否太小？ The same cases also happen in thehistory of other fields.读到这里以为还有历史学的例子，可是下面就立马however了。

However, in the recent years, the point "the history of the world isbut the biography of great men" of a famous historian has beenchallenged so much times that we must doubt whether we only emphasizingon the well-known individuals. The influential magazine Timesconsidered "YOU" as the people of the year in the year of 2006 becauseof the wild tips in the Wikipedia, the sea of clips in the Youtube, thecountless blogs in the Myspace and so on.这个例子很赞 Just as the article tells us,it is the mass who always give historians the impression that they dolittle to the development of human history that change the world, andthus change the way the world changes. No individual can play a moreirreplaceable role in the modern history.结束得有些突然。

Moreover, in the world, many experts have asserted that the rebuildingof the confidence of ordinary people is the key to the global financialcrisis. And the study of how ordinary people thought and how they wouldbehavior, to some extent, is an important and heating topic for theresearchers. In China, it is not a certain celebrity or the traditionalmedia but the cyber citizens网民是net-surfers that report the disaster at the first timein the Sichuan Earthquake. Then the ordinary people quickly try theirbest to help the victims in Sichuan: some people hurriedly prepare forthe necessary goods; some write blessings on the netsInternet to call for morepeople to donate money to the charities to help victims; someimmediately join the volunteer groups to go to Sichuan. It is reportedthousands of volunteers, no matter in the cyber worldspace or in therealistic world, do great contributions to the victory of conqueringthe earthquake. The study of history on how to struggle for theearthquake cannot miss the mass. Both examples have proved that withthe globalization and the rapid progress in the Internet, the groups ofpeople whose identities have been always overlooked are becomingconstructive.

In sum, the efficiency and the effectiveness of the study of theremarkable few in the history cannot be denied, however, the study ofthe groups of people in the history may show more values according tothe great era filled with changes and progress

虽然现实的例子举得很好，但是这篇文章的主题是历史学习，历史的例子却没有。是不是历史的例子准备不够充分？
本文主要围绕世界观做文章，是否在最后能提高到方法论上来呢？比如提出你对如何研究历史的见解。怎么样避免过分关注名人而忽视大众？有何措施？
最后，如果能对历史研究中重名人轻大众现象的背景以及原因做深入的分析，就更好了。

teresa8829UID: 2596231

贴下我的ARGUMENT,请狠狠批。



TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS: 429          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-2-24 上午 12:52:42

In the argument,the author comes up with a conclusion that the sales of Whitlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months.To reinforce the recommendation,the author cites a result of a recent survey,which infers video-game players prefer the games providing lifelike graphics and requiring the most up-to-date computers.The author also indicates that Whirlwind has just intoduced such games,along with an extensive advertising campaign directed at 10 to 25 -year-old people.Conceded that,a careful consideration of each of these elements,however,reveals that none of them lends sound and invulnerable support to the conclusion.

In the first place,the threshold logical deficiency of the editorial is that both the sample size and the information of the respondents are unkown.It is entirely possible that the samples only include a small amount,which would render the result meaningless.Moreover,if most of the respondents are just from a particular group,who have the preference for the games providing lifelike graphics ,then they are in lack of representiveness for the game players as a whole.Unless the surveyor sampled a sufficient number and did so randomly across the entire spectrum,the result is groundless.

In the second place,even if the survey is statistically reliable,the games with the feature metioned above will not surely achieve a good sale.The author fails to acknowledge  other factors,including price,themes,exictment,ect,which might influence the players' choices for games.There is a good chance that players sacrifice the important feature for the other ones united together.Additonally,the games with lifelike graphics require the most up-to-date computers,however,it is possible to limit buyers to the players equipmented with these computers.Failing to accounting for these and other factors,it is unfair to conclude the games sales are likely to increase dramatically.

The last but not the least,the author falsely resets on the gratuitous assumption that the 10 to 20-year-old people are most likely to play video.However,no solid evidence is stated to substantiate it.If it is not the case,then the advertising campaign will fail to target its aim unfortunately.Even assuming the fact is exactly what the author infers,this group of players  may lack the abitlity to afford the costs,which will also result in the advertising campaign less likely to succeed.Thus the author’s conclusion would be seriously undermined.

To sum up,the assertion relies on unsubstantiated assumption and questionable evidence,giving rise to it unpersuasive as it stands.The author should provide more convincing investigations with respect to game players' preference and take into account other factors,which may affect the sales.Moveover,the evidence that 10 to 20-year-old people are most likely to play video is needed as well.Otherwise , the editorial cannot make any sound and logical recommedation whatsoever.

firhadayUID: 2287086

TO LS,我大致看了下，为了鼓励新人（第一帖哦~呵呵），我觉得主要问题是，首先，你的语法还是不过硬，用词上面自己可以仔细斟酌下，有些东西我可以理解意思，但是总是觉得很怪怪的~加油吧，多看多写多改~就这六个字鼓励你下，我就不细改了（也没有啥意义，模板的痕迹还是很大的，可能是新手刚写吧，理解理解，以后看多了写多了，就好了）

zadUID: 2507560

请问模板痕迹大是不是很影响分数啊？

teresa8829UID: 2596231

谢谢firhaday,看来我还是任重而道远啊。多写写也许能脱离模板吧。

firhadayUID: 2287086

37# zad 没有绝对的事情的，ALL DEPENDS，其实模板就是一个框架，任何同一个人写出来的东西都有自己的“行文方式”，那个就是模板，北美是一个人写出来的，当然所谓的模板就是他的行文方式，但是，我希望大家都有自己的行文方式~呵呵~
至于模板什么的，我个人觉得，也就那么回事，有个框架很好啊，至于最重要的，还是你觉得要填什么东西进去吧~加油

firhadayUID: 2287086

希望你能找到大家一起是新手的，一起互相练习，现在开始好好学习如何团队协作，不然到美国到时候发现什么作业都是GROUP PROJECT的时候，你觉得现在的GROUP PROJECT是由多么的值得了，希望能找到你的学习伙伴一起~加油~祝福 38# teresa8829

nohevenUID: 2447539

TOPIC: ARGUMENT45 - The following appeared as aneditorial in a wildlife journal.

"Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arcticregion. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island duringthe course of a year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustainthe plants on which they feed, and cold enough, at least some of the year, forthe ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travelover it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deerpopulations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent globalwarming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that thedecline in arctic deer populations is the result of deer being unable to followtheir age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea."

WORDS: 423
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE:2009/2/26 17:09:00

In this argument, the author concludes the decline ofArctic deer in Canada'sarctic region from the report local hunters. In addition, the author alsopresents the recent global warming trends as the reason why deer are unable tofollow their age-old migration patterns to explain the deer's decline. All ofabove appears to be reliable, however, the lack of the creditability of thesurvey and the hasty generalization turn the argument open to doubt.

In the first place, the foundation of the conclusionthat the population of deer in Canada'sarctic region is decreasing just depends on the report from some local hunters,which is not reliable. The numbers of the hunters reporting, the former andrecent numbers of deer populations reported, and the place of deer reported,which are all important to the survey are not mentioned at all. Because ofvague data, the arguer should not get the final conclusion.

The second problem with this argument lies in hastygeneralization that the global trends are suitable for anywhere on the earth.Given the recent global warming trends, the Canada's arctic region is likelywarmer that before; however, is it really too warm for sea ice to melt in largescale and destroy the migration patterns of deer? Moreover, it is entirelypossible that this area is getting colder and colder and the sea ice iscovering more and more regions since the local climate trends are not mentionedat all.

Last but not least, even the deer is really less thanbefore; there is no evidence to show the cause-effect relationship between thedecline of deer and the chaos in their age-old migration patterns. As thearguer presents, the elements influencing the population of deer also includesthe plants on which they feed and the weather of their habitat. The arguer justshould not get the conclusion without ruling out the other possibilities.Perhaps the decreasing of the food causes the real disaster, or the bad weatherresults in some disease; in either case, there is no matter about deer’s age-oldmigration patterns.


To sum up, the arguer just illustrates someindependent factors which are not related to others.
For lacking of reliable supporting, theconclusion is problematic. For better access, the survey including the numbersof eyewitnesses, the former and recent numbers of deer populations reported,and the place of deer reported should all be offered. Besides, the logicalproof of the probable reasons for the decline of Arctic deer in Canada's arcticregion should also be well presented.

wanfang36UID: 2500278

怎么没人贴作品了……？

那我先来贴一篇，然后有别人贴我再改~~

TOPIC: ARGUMENT132 - The following appeared in an editorial in the local newspaper of Workville.

"Workers should be allowed to reduce their workload from 40 to 25 or even 20 hours per week because it is clear that people who work part-time instead of full-time have better health and improved morale. One store in Workville, which began allowing its employees to work part-time last year, reports that fewer days of sick leave were taken last year than in previous years. In contrast, the factory in Workville, which does not allow any of its employees to work part-time, had a slight increase in the number of days of sick leave taken last year. In addition, a recent survey reports that most of the store employees stated that they are satisfied with their jobs, while many of the factory employees stated that they are dissatisfied with their jobs."
WORDS: 451          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009/2/26 12:19:38

Merely based on the unfounded assumption and dubious evidence, the arguer draws the conclusion that workers should work less time one week, because that might do good to their health and morale. To substantiate this conclusion, the arguer points out that workers of a local store had less sick-leaves compared with those in a local factory which doesn't allow its employees to work part-time. In addition, he cites a result of a recent survey to support this argument. At first glance, this statement seems somewhat convincing, but further reflection reveals that it omits some substantial concerns that should be addressed in this argument. From logical perspective, this argument suffers from three flaws.

One of the threshold problems in this statement is that the arguer hasn't proved the conclusion by the evidence that less sick-leaves were made in the store than in the factory. On account that people work full time in the factory, they are having more time staying in their workplace. Then it is entirely possible that though the number of sick leaves was more than that in the store, the percentage of time people leaving work in the factory was less than that in the store.

Another logical flaw in this argument is that by presenting the result of a survey which is lack of sufficient information the author could demonstrate the conclusion. Let alone the fact that the arguer proved that neither the survey was carried out randomly, nor it had examined large amount of samples. That most people in the store were satisfied with their work compared with many were dissatisfied in the factory could lead to the statement. For there would be various of reasons for the satisfaction instead of working time, such as the environment of their working place, salary, and a few like that.

Before I come to my summary, I would point out the last problem involved in this argument. The arguer fails to draw the conclusion that the work time per week should be reduced to 25 or 20 hours, because he hasn't present any information about the advantages of working 20 or 25 hours per week. Even though working less time could be better for the health and moral of workers, no evidence shows that 20 or 25 hours is a befitting period of time, maybe 15 hours is better.

To sum up, the author fails to substantiate his conclusion that workers should be allowed to reduce their workload to 25 or 20 hours, in respect that the evidence he displays in this argument are insignificant. To make it more convincing and logical acceptable, he should have provided more information about the survey and the advances of working less time than before.

DincyfengUID: 2428169

我是不是闯祸了啊:funk:

好吧，改篇文章作为补偿。。。liyue别生气哈~~~:$
改41楼的


In this argument, the author concludes the decline ofArctic deer in Canada'sarctic region from the report local hunters. In addition, the author alsopresents the recent global warming trends as the reason why deer are unable tofollow their age-old migration patterns to explain the deer's decline. All ofabove appears to be reliable, however, the lack of the creditability of thesurvey and the hasty generalization turn the argument open to doubt.


第一段In addition, the author also冗余。另外第一段最好展现一个argument的line of reasoning，第一句最好是摆明结论，而你的第一句就直接说这个结论是based on XXX，未免有点。。。

In the first place, the foundation of the conclusionthat the population of deer in Canada'sarctic region is decreasing just depends on the report from some local hunters,which is not reliable. The numbers of the hunters reporting, the former andrecent numbers of deer populations reported, and the place of deer reported,which are all important to the survey are not mentioned at all. Because ofvague data, the arguer should not get the final conclusion.


第二段，猎人的报告就是你说的foundation，而不是what the foundation depends on
Firstly, the conclusion that the deer populations are decreasing is based on the unsubstantiated assumption that the report from some local hunters is reliable
这样写感觉会更为清晰

这一段论述的也比较模糊，首句是主题句，然后需要注明这个错误的来源，再提出改进意见或者是等价的可能性。而你再主题句之后的这一句论述的比较笼统，感觉思维不连贯

建议多看看使徒版主的关于argument逻辑的介绍，会很有收获的

The second problem with this argument lies in hastygeneralization that the global trends are suitable for anywhere on the earth.Given the recent global warming trends, the Canada's arctic region is likelywarmer that before; however, is it really too warm for sea ice to melt in largescale and destroy the migration patterns of deer? Moreover, it is entirelypossible that this area is getting colder and colder and the sea ice iscovering more and more regions since the local climate trends are not mentionedat all.


第三段中间的论述光有一个问句是不行的，最好给出一个回答，比如加上：I don’t think so. 问句不能表明态度

Last but not least, even the deer is really less thanbefore; there is no evidence to show the cause-effect relationship between thedecline of deer and the chaos in their age-old migration patterns. As thearguer presents, the elements influencing the population of deer also includesthe plants on which they feed and the weather of their habitat. The arguer justshould not get the conclusion without ruling out the other possibilities.Perhaps the decreasing of the food causes the real disaster, or the bad weatherresults in some disease; in either case, there is no matter about deer’s age-oldmigration patterns.

To sum up, the arguer just illustrates someindependent factors which are not related to others.
For lacking of reliable supporting, theconclusion is problematic. For better access, the survey including the numbersof eyewitnesses, the former and recent numbers of deer populations reported,and the place of deer reported should all be offered. Besides, the logicalproof of the probable reasons for the decline of Arctic deer in Canada's arcticregion should also be well presented.

最后一段模版句有点多，考试的时候结尾是很紧张的，建议尽量简练。

总的来说这篇A表意不够清晰，这是最大的问题，需要在语言上稍稍下些功夫
错误基本都到位了，接下来要解决的是对于每一个错误的细化描述，建议看看使徒的argument完美逻辑这篇文章，你会收获很多的

teresa8829UID: 2596231

大着胆子再来贴作文：argument 53
In the argument,the author comes up with a conclusion that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and shyness continues into later life.To reinforce the conclusion,the author cites a study involving 25 infants ,who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli and were more likely to have been concieved in early autumn.The author also indicates the fact that early autumn is a time when mothers' production of melatonin naturally increase to support the conclusion.Moreover,results of a follow-up study is provided as well.The argument  made by the author make sense at first glance,however,it suffers from several logical fallacies that weaken the reliability.

In the first place, the  statistical reliability of the study involving 25 infants is open to doubt.The author assumes that 25 infants are representative enough for infants as a whole.The assumption,howbeit,lacks sufficient evidence to support it.Common sense tells me that 25 accounts for a rather small propotion of infants population,which renders the study meaningless.Unless the author provides sufficent samples,I cannot adopt the conclusion without any suspisions.

In the second place,even if the study mentioned above is valid,the author still fail to convince me that it is increased levels of melatonin before birth that cause the infants’ distress when they are exposed to unfamiliar stimuli.The author establishes a fault causal relationship between infancy shyness and mothers' increase of melatonin production only because of occurence.However,there are a myriad of other factors may serve to the distess,such as the weather when they were born,mothers' constitions,and the forth.Neglecting these and other factors,the author fails to justify the conclusion.

In the third place,even assuming it is exact the increased levels of melatonin before birth that cause the distress ,it doesn't necessarily mean levels of melatonin contribute to shyness during infancy,for the distress,which is more likely a physical response,doesn’t equal to shyness.Failing to provide a precise defination of shyness,the author undermines the validness of the conclusion.

Finally,even if increased levels of melatonin before birth give rise to the shyness during infancy,the author still cannot draw a conclusion the effect will continue in later life.As is well known to us,individuals’ personalities rely much on the environment where they are brought up.By simply neglecting this crucial factors,the author unfairly attributes melatonin to shyness showed by teenagers in the follow-up study.

To sum up,the argument,relying on unsubstantiated assumption and questionable evidence,is unpersuasive as it stands.To reach a more reasonble conclusion,it is necessary for the arguer to provide a more thorough and reliable investigation.Moreover,the evidence suggesting the causal relationship between increased levels of melatonin and shyness is needed.Besides,unless the author rules out other factors which have impact on shyness both during infancy and later life,the argument cannot make any sound and logical recommendation whatsoever.

nohevenUID: 2447539

58# wanfang36



Merely based on the unfounded assumption and dubious evidence, the arguer drawsthe conclusion that workers should work less time one week, because that mightdo good to their health and morale. To substantiate this conclusion, the arguerpoints out that workers of a local store had less sick-leaves compared withthose in a local factory which doesn't allow its employees to work part-time.In addition, he cites a result of a recent survey to support this argument. Atfirst glance, this statement seems somewhat convincing, but further reflectionreveals that it omits some substantial concerns that should be addressed inthis argument. From logical perspective, this argument suffers from threeflaws.(后两句其实表达的是同一个意思;显得比较冗长)

One of the threshold problems in this statement is that the arguer hasn'tproved the conclusion by the evidence that less sick-leaves were made in thestore than in the factory. On account that people work full time in thefactory, they are having more time staying in their workplace. Then it isentirely possible that though the number of sick leaves was more than that inthe store, the percentage of time people leaving work in the factory was lessthan that in the store.(个人觉得” it is entirely possible”之后的推论和上文的联系不够紧密)

Another logical flaw in this argument is that by presenting the result of asurvey which is lack of sufficient information the author could demonstrate theconclusion. Let alone the fact that the arguer proved that neither the surveywas carried out randomly, nor it had examined large amount of samples. Thatmost people in the store were satisfied with their work compared with many weredissatisfied in the factory could lead to the statement.(我觉得首先是most of the storeemployees不一定在数量上或者百分比上就比many of the factory employees多（模糊数据），两者缺乏比较；其次才是“他因”。这样逐层深入可能更好) For there would be various ofreasons for the satisfaction instead of working time, such as the environmentof their working place, salary, and a few like that.

Before I come to my summary, I would point out the last problem involved inthis argument. The arguer fails to draw the conclusion that the work time perweek should be reduced to 25 or 20 hours, because he hasn't present anyinformation about the advantages of working 20 or 25 hours per week. Eventhough working less time could be better for the health and moral of workers,no evidence shows that 20 or 25 hours is a befitting period of time, maybe 15hours is better.

To sum up, the author fails to substantiate his conclusion that workers shouldbe allowed to reduce their workload to 25 or 20 hours, in respect that theevidence he displays in this argument are insignificant. To make it moreconvincing and logical acceptable, he should have provided more informationabout the survey and the advances of working less time than before.
（题目中大的漏洞作者都找到了；但论证的力度不是很够，语言方面的同意重复似乎也多了点）