零散版友作文互改大贴

huqinsunnyUID: 2563721

我3月30考作文呢 文章怎么发上来呀 都快急死我了

corpuscleUID: 2503411

回复本帖即可

huqinsunnyUID: 2563721

issue 130
The speaker asserts that the society's destiny is depended on how children are socialized, in my eyes, I will reservedly side with this statement for the socialization is just one of the factors influence the destiny of society. And even it is not the important one. However in the following, I will strongly agree with the statement that we unfortunately have not yet learned to raise children who can better society.

Firstly, the speaker mentions that how children are socialized in recent years decisively influence the destiny of the society. As for this, we must get the fundamental and comparative precise definition of the children's socialization. Generally speaking, socialization of children is that their unique biological characteristics on the basis if those particular features of society, including beliefs, values, and so forth，when they take part in social life, cooperate with different people. These enable the child to adapt to the surrounding social environment and get along with the normal people around them while they engage in study, entertainment and activities. Think above all, these are the socialization's specific actions, nevertheless, the destiny of our society must depend on a united mutual respectful, cherished and co-operated colony who can join together for a common purpose to create our novel brave better society, which requires the colony possess appealing nice quality and education, as well as they embrace some glorious characters, such as honesty, loyalty, empathy, sympathy and helpfulness,         thus it can ensure the aptly development of better society healthily.

Consider next, the speaker states that we have not yet learn to raise children for better society. But in nowadays' education system. It appears a large quantity of problems for our children's growth and cultivating exist. Under the population and work pressure, the goal of the education has transformed to the one for exam as well as grades. A long period of time, a many of schools assess their students only by the exam results, even the distribution of social substance(which includes rewards, up-top schools and jobs )yet relies on exams, which leads the examinations to being the means for pursuing the social substance, and then it creates the illusion the education just serves our substantial life, what is more, this defective education might lead to our children more competition sense than before, and thus they want to win personally, other than to cooperate and share with others, which could bring about the disharmony of society. As the American president Franklin Roosevelt says:"we cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future." So how to educate our children well for better society, we should improve the way to educate our children.  

After all due consideration, to build better society requires all of us to take actions, especially our parents, our schools and our government for they can enormously affect the children. Our brave society demands respectful, tolerant, sympathetic and helpful youth to cooperate together for a better world. As present education could not meet our needs, we must have time to rethink what education our children require.

thisismjUID: 2433038

楼上的美女，得先给别人改才能得到被改的机会~

nohevenUID: 2447539

76# thisismj

TOPIC: ISSUE239 - "Much of the information thatpeople assume is 'factual' actually turns out to be inaccurate. Thus, any pieceof information referred to as a 'fact' should be mistrusted since it may wellbe proven false in the future."
WORDS: 399          TIME: 00:45:00         DATE: 2009/3/1 21:10:01

One of the scientists' work is to pursue truth of nature principles andphilosophy laws. The work never stop until they find enough rational evidenceto reason that law. But the nature is so complex that it needs severalgenerations of scientists' hard work to reveal its myth. Therefore the truth ina certain era used to be regarded true may be found having some flaws or evenfallacious by the sequent researchers and the thought that truth which is notalways true should be proven in all realm has gradually emerged in people'smind. (“truth used to be regarded true”? 似乎自相矛盾了，建议把前面的truth换成fact 或者加一个”so-called”以示区别)However, in my opinion, people have made amistake at this point. （与结尾相比，开头篇幅长却没有实际的信息量，显得有点累赘）

We can see examples which reflect the overthrow of old theory either in historyor in modern society. Old western citizens once believed that the earth is coreof the university and all the other stars revolve around it. This theory hadnot been suspect because it is drawn by one of the greatest philosopherAristotle whose thought was regarded as perpetual truth. And this idea hadnever been doubt until another excellent scientist Kepler who finally prove thecenter is the sun and our world is revolving around it. Should we dig out allthe Aristotle's theories and thoughts just because one of his fault? The answeris obviously no because most of his achievements are reasonable and helpedhuman a lot. Proven all his theories could both be a large project and noresult. （这段话显得十分散乱，没有中心。如果不能十分有效的组织段落表述，还是建议加一个topic sentence 在段首。）

Now we can safely draw the conclusion that the process of scientificdevelopment is a same one of overthrow outdated faculty and constitute newtheory. If we agree with it first, then it is a simple to commit the truth isalso not always true. （就凭一个例子就“safelydraw the conclusion”？还是要演绎推理一下吧）

Even though, people would suggest review most factual thing to assure all ofthem are not out of style. This seem also unacceptable and impossible, （这句很中式） first to some fundamental laws it isunnecessary check them one by one because they are the basic fact of science.Second we still have no such enough time to prove them all and even if we havethere are probably no outcomes. And the last, the contemporary theory will notbe over throw until new technology or revolutionary theory occurs.

In conclusion, it is normal that we can see some fundamentals are proved to beuntrue, but to check them all seem so unacceptable and unnecessary. （结尾似乎太简略了）
（总的来说，这篇文章的逻辑顺序比较混乱。建议作者即使是限时写作也有列出提纲，理清思路——磨刀不误砍柴工嘛～； PS： mistrust的含义是“to doubt the truth, validity, or effectiveness of <mistrusted his own judgment>”---frommerriam-webster, 作者似乎没有很好的理解题意）

nohevenUID: 2447539

我今天写了两篇，就一口气贴了。诚邀批改！（希望大家修改细致些，我也会细致回改的； 目前改了76楼的一篇； 已有人跟贴回我的我立刻回改）




Issue 184 限时； 写的不是很深入。欢迎修改及探讨限时写作中的深入分析！

TOPIC:ISSUE184 - "It is a grave mistake to theorize before one has data."
WORDS:492
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2009/3/6 12:43:09

To realize and live in this realisticworld, theory and practice both are fignificant ways, just as two sides of onecoin. In this case, when it comes to the question of "Is it a gravemistake to theorize before one has data?"; the answer is obviously yes.Moreover, there further discussion about the field of theory concerned and thefunctions of various of data.

When we talk about "theory", itmeans the analysis of a set of factors in their relation to one another. As thedefinition above, theory should base on a series of fact, especially convincingdata; otherwise, it turns itself open to doubt for no foundation. In the aspectof science, data plays a vital role to support, prove and help to conclude. Totheorize before data, is just as to build a house without foundation; perhapsit works sometime; but it will break down sooner or later. For instance, thefamous argument between Copernicus and Tolemaic in astronomy which is also thestruggle between the theories based on data and that formed without data, endedby a victory of the former one. It illustrate that only the fact, the datashould uncover the truth of nature, but not the beautiful wishes from ourheart.
Without data, to theory inscience is just to draw a picture from dream.

Further, not only to support, to prove andto help to conclude, data but also could be benefit a theory as a prediction.The reason is that large amount of data and practice will uncover some rules;even they are not very clear at present; researcher could develop certainassumptions on them, which is helpful to form a further theory.
The data and the theory work in aninteraction relationship and support each other.

In addition, "theory" also meansthe general or abstract principles of a body of fact, a science or an art. Whenit comes to the fields of literature, music and art, the situation is complex.Because these subjects do not found on strict experiments with data; they comefrom the personal observation, representation and creation of nature and life.Dali built his superealistism system on his own dream mixed with a fewfragments from philology. Stain wrote the sentence that "A rose is a roseis a rose. " even without any data or experiment on people's dailychatting. And Oscar Wilder form his aestheticism and philosophy against thetrends of his times, no matter about the data from research or survey. Artcreation is something more about one's inner heart but rather the outsideworld, what depends the theory about them could be without data.

When a child get to know sugar is sweetwhile salt is salty by tasting them, he or she is concluding with experiment.To theorize on data is the similar but further strict and exact way as above.However, It is the reliable methodology but not the only one.

nohevenUID: 2447539

今天的另一篇：

TOPIC: ARGUMENT161 - In a study of reading habits ofLeeville citizens conducted by the University of Leeville, mostrespondents said they preferred literary classics as reading material. However,a follow-up study conducted by the same researchers found that the type of bookmost frequently checked out of each of the public libraries in Leeville was themystery novel. Therefore, it can be concluded that the respondents in the firststudy had misrepresented their reading habits.
WORDS: 368
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE:2009/3/6 15:45:10

In this argument,the author concludes that the study of reading habits misrepresented the Leevillecitizens' reading habits for the reason that the follow-up study showed adifferent preference to the mystery novels instead of the literary classics.For the first glance, it seems to be reliable; but further discussions willfigure out the flaws of this argument in methodology and logic.

First of all, theargument surfer from the weakness in methodology for lacking the evidence toshow the studied groups in two studies is the same one. Only if the samestudied group to show different preferences in two times, is the result convincing.If not, the result could be influenced by different people's varity readinghabits. Moreover, there is not any background of these samples. It is entirelypossible that they are suffering great work pressure so that they just borrowsome mystery novels for relaxing.

In the secondplace, there is no evidence to prove that the book most frequently checked outof public libraries is the really favorites of masses. On one hand, peopleusually tend to pretend to be more tasty by choose some classics to read. Onthe other hand, the preferences in theory and in practice often are not thesame, even sometimes are opposite, for the reason of fact including economicalconditions, leisure time and educational backgrounds.

Last but notleast, the condition of the public libraries in Leeville which is dependable inthese studies is not mentioned at all. The researchers just assumed that thereare enough literary classics as well as mystery novels for readers to choose.They overlooked the possibility that the public libraries may lack the storageof literary classics; or the mystery novels are in a better location forreaders to find. In short, there are lots of other possible situations to beconsidered but not in fact.

In sum, thisargument renders itself open to doubt for lacking further evidence to show thecorrelation of two times of studies. And the backgrounds of the publiclibraries are absent. For better access, all of them should be offered.Moreover, some other situations which may influence the reader's preferencesshould also be taken into consideration.

indigoUID: 2611748

TOPIC: ISSUE2 - "Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society."
WORDS: 352          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-3-4 23:47:42
The debate on the issue that whether competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society or not may be one of the most controversial debates for long time. I think that competition is beneficial to society in general,even we,human-being, are the result of the competition among all specises of animal in nature.Following, there are the evidence supporting my biewpoint.
The debate on the issue that whether competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society may be one of the most controversial debates for long time. I think that competition is beneficial to society in general, even we, human-being, are the result of the competition among all species of animal in nature. Following, there is the evidence supporting my viewpoint.
Firstly, competition inspires people to work heart and soul, and no matter which region they were belong to, that is the very reason why our society could develop. For example ,when Darwin published the theory of evolvement, about the reason why he posted it at that time, in the prologue he said that, it was because that he heard of someone who also worked on this topic would publish his paper in the near future just when he vacillated about when he would deliver it . Of course we can say that even there was no one competed with Darwin, sooner or later would he make the claim, but the question is how long would it take, the history could not afford waiting.
In the second place, the competition makes the society efficient, it improves the quality of the products while dragging down the cost. We can see how fast the speed of the development of the automobile industry is. The photograph of the first car in the world in the museum is still vivid, in which the car looks ugly, uncomfortable, even not safe enough. But when turn you sight from the picture into the street just outside, the cars flying in the street must make you feel how great we, human, are. The competition is a very important reason the phenomenon proceeds, just please count how many the companies producing automobile are.
Admittedly, of course, most things are two-blade swords, so it is the competition. Only the right competition could be positive to the society, ill-intended competition just disturbs the rules of the society, leading to a serious consequence. That is the one thing on which we should lay enough emphasis for the well-being of our society.
In sum, we should believe that competition is the source of our beautiful and diverse world, without the competition, there would even not be human-beings. At the same time, we should take efficient measures to make sure the competition will be net beneficial.




TOPIC: ARGUMENT101 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a company that makes breakfast cereals.
"In a recent study, subjects who ate soybeans at least five times per week had significantly lower cholesterol levels than subjects who ate no soy products. By fortifying our Wheat-O cereal with soy protein, we can increase sales by appealing to additional consumers who are concerned about their health. This new version of Wheat-O should increase company profits and, at the same time, improve the health of our customers."
WORDS: 334          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-3-4 23:47:42
On the purpose to convince the company to fortify the Wheat-O cereal with soy protein, the speaker lists several pieces of evidence, which considered reliable by the speaker, to support his proposal. It do seem sound at the first glance, but after my careful examination, I find that this argument suffers from at least 3 pieces of unreliable evidence, with which, the conclusion drawn by the speaker also shows vulnerable.
Coming to the first, the result of the study is not sufficient enough to support that subjects who ate soybeans at least five times per weak had significantly lower cholesterol levels. The speaker does not tell us the information of the subjects. People who ate the soybeans may be younger, healthier or have better life habits than the people who did not take the soybeans. Maybe that is the very reason why their cholesterol levels are lower. In addition, It is possible that the former people live in a nice climates or some reasons else, which could also lead this result. So, only telling us the conclusion drawn from the study is obviously unreliable to support the author’s claim.
Secondly, the claimer says that after fortifying the Wheat-O cereal with soy protein, the sales will increase. This is also unconvincing, because many people may do not like the taste of the soy protein, or they even do not know what a soy protein is. When this stuff was fortified with the Wheat-O cereal, It may lead a down sliding on the sale. Subjectively claiming that the sales will increase with the measure is inappropriate. So the evidence here is also insufficient.
Lastly, the conclusion that the profits will increase after doing this is too hasty to be drawn. As we know, when the soy protein was fortified with the Wheat-O cereal, the cost will also rise because the material and procedures. There is no enough evidence showing that the profits increased will overweigh the cost increased, leave alone the possibility of the sale decrease.
In sum, the author's claim is unreliable for the reasons mentioned before, If the author want to convince us, he should shows the clear evidence between health and the soybeans, moreover, he should confirm that the sales will increase. Of course, the net profits is also should be demonstrated.

thisismjUID: 2433038

首先感谢noheven的中肯批改~现回改82#~


TOPIC:ISSUE184 - "It is a grave mistake to theorize before one has data."
WORDS:492
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2009/3/6 12:43:09

To realize and live in this realistic world, theory and practice both are significant ways, just as two sides of one coin. In this case, when it comes to the question of "Is it a  grave mistake to theorize before one has data?"; the answer is obviously yes.Moreover, there (are) further discussions about the field of theory concerned(不能理解此句，我想是不同领域不同对待的意思吧) and the functions of various of(去掉) data.
（第一段给出了文章的主题，"obviously yes"。然而后面又讨论的文学的无数据性，似乎有点不统一）
When we talk about "theory", it means the analysis of a set of factors in their relation to one another. As the definition above, theory should base on a series of fact, especially convincing data; otherwise, it turns itself open to doubt for no foundation. In the aspect of science, data plays a vital role to support, prove and help to conclude. To theorize before data, is just as to build a house without foundation; perhaps it works sometimes; but it will break down sooner or later. For instance, the famous argument between Copernicus and Tolemaic in astronomy which is also the struggle between the theories based on data and that formed without data, ended by a victory of the former one. It illustrate that only the fact, the data should uncover the truth of nature, but not the beautiful wishes from our heart.
Without data, to theory inscience（这里似乎有语法错误） is just to draw a picture from dream.

Further, not only to support, to prove andto help to conclude, data but also could be benefit a theory as a prediction.(此句较中式)The reason is that large amount of data and practice will uncover some rules;even they are not very clear at present; researcher could develop certain assumptions on them, which is helpful to form a further theory.
The data and the theory work in an interaction relationship and support each other.
（举可科学研究方面的例子，介绍了数据的重要性，work in an interaction relationship and support each other）
In addition, "theory" also means the general or abstract principles of a body of fact, a science or an art. When it comes to the fields of literature, music and art, the situation is complex.Because these subjects do not found on strict experiments with data; they come from the personal observation, representation and creation of nature and life.Dali built his superealistism system on his own dream mixed with a fewfragments from philology. Stain wrote the sentence that "A rose is a rose is a rose. " even without any data or experiment on people's dailychatting. And Oscar Wilder form his aestheticism and philosophy against thetrends of his times, no matter about the data from research or survey. Artcreation is something more about one's inner heart but rather the outsideworld, what depends the theory about them could be without data.
（举文学方面的例子，说明数据不是理论的唯一路径）
When a child get to know sugar is sweet while salt is salty by tasting them, he or she is concluding with experiment.To theorize on data is the similar stribut further ct and exact way as above.However, It is the reliable methodology but not the only one.（末尾摆出中心句）

作者似乎有不喜欢打空格的习惯，希望改正~

本文的思路还是比较清晰，结构明了，分别对科学和文学两大领域分别讨论，分析了数据的重要性~

但是开头的中心句似乎应该更加明确一点，直接就应该摆出不同领域不同考虑的架势。一开始的obviously yes会给考官造成迷惑~

本文的中式腔调还是比较重的，有一些小语法错误~但是在中心句上我建议还是另可选择简介明了的表达，不要最求高级词汇与复杂句式~

mymuroUID: 2356228

打捞一下

ttstartUID: 2593649

因为argu没怎么看，只改issues吧

The debate on the issue that whether competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society or not may be one of the most controversial debates for long time. （这个方式设问开头更好吧）I think that competition is beneficial to society in general,even we,human-being, are the result of the competition among all specises of animal in nature.Following, there are the evidence supporting my biewpoint.
The debate on the issue that whether competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society may be one of the most controversial debates for long time. I think that competition is beneficial to society in general, even we, human-being, are the result of the competition among all species of animal in nature. Following, there is （are evidences  这个句子简单了些）the evidence supporting my viewpoint.
Firstly, competition inspires people to work heart and soul, and no matter which region they were belong to, that is the very reason why our society could develop. For example ,when Darwin published the theory of evolvement, about the reason why he posted it at that time, in the prologue he said that, it was because that he heard of someone who also worked on this topic would publish his paper in the near future just when he vacillated about when he would deliver it . Of course we can say that even there was no one competed with Darwin, sooner or later would he make the claim, but the question is how long would it take, the history could not afford waiting.
In the second place, the competition makes the society efficient, it improves the quality of the products while dragging down the cost. We can see how fast the speed of the development of the automobile industry is. The photograph of the first car in the world in the museum is still vivid, in which the car looks ugly, uncomfortable, even not safe enough. But when turn you sight from the picture into the street just outside, the cars flying in the street must make you feel how great we, human, are. The competition is a very important reason the phenomenon proceeds, just please count how many the companies producing automobile are.
Admittedly, of course, most things are two-blade swords, so it is the competition. Only the right competition could be positive to the society, ill-intended competition just disturbs the rules of the society, leading to a serious consequence. That is the one thing on which we should lay enough emphasis for the well-being of our society.
In sum, we should believe that competition is the source of our beautiful and diverse world, without the competition, there would even not be human-beings. At the same time, we should take efficient measures to make sure the competition will be net beneficial.（谈的论点在深入些就好的，感觉总体的论点太简单，辩证思想不太突出吧》句子略觉得简单，短了些，似乎作者很熟练用  ，同位语，  ，插入语，  的方式，再有些其他变换就更好了，不过要是45分钟完成的也挺强的了^_^）

ttstartUID: 2593649

Issue 83 "Government should prserve publicly owned wideness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
（括号里是我自己改的拼写错误）

I fundamentally agree with the conclusion that the government should preserve publicly owned wideness areas, however, whether the areas needed to be maintained in aboriginality should depend on the specific situation of the area. Howbeit I do not approve the latter assertion that only a few people would arrive there because it is not accords with the changing rapidly world and the phenomenon that urban expansion, even though some areas are indeed remote.

There are three fundamental arguments for imposing the government to protect the diminishing wildness areas. The first has to do with the culpability and the responsibility. To the extent that the excessive anthropogenic events have seriously affected the dedicate balance of the natural environment and intricate matrix of the interdependent relationships between wild species, we humans have the duty to take affirmative actions, especiallty through the government that the most powerful organization, to protect the few existed wildness areas. The second one is appeal to the self-preservation. Since the global environment is in dedicate balance as discussed above, the diminishing and disappear of wildness areas can set into motion a serises(series) of species exstinctions(extinctions) and the balance destruction of other areas, and ultimately endanger the survivel(survival) of our human beings. The third argument comes to the rich and abundant resources in the wildness areas, which has a significant meaning for researchers of biology and ecology Researchers are likely to continue to seek the answer of the origination and evolution of life, which has inestimable significance not only on the biological technology but also the ultimate question of life.

Moreover the government should take the reasonable and appropriate action to certain wildness place. For example, it is ture(true) that we should keep the natural state of evergland(everglade), forest and tropical rainforest. However, when it comes to other areas such as Sahara where should be improved rather than remained in natural state. The expansion of Sahara largely caused by human activities and if we leave aside the problems or just keep it on the harsh desert will threathen(threaten) our survival.

However the speaker's latter assertion that wildness areas are so remote that merely people would
arrive which contrast with the facts that rapidly expanding areas and scope of human activities. Humankind have never stop the step of exploring new habitat, especially at today's time that population rapidly growing, resources being depleted and techology(technology) developing at a speed that no one can image. There are several plans regards to explore and even move to mars, let alone the wildness areas on the touchable earth. As a result it is actually a harsh and difficult task for the government to protect the natural areas, and on the other hand, we can also infer from the urgent and harsh global situation that remain of wildness area might also have some unknowable values on a economic self-interest level.

In sum, I agree that the government should take action to prectect(protect) the wildness areas based on specific circumstances and analyze case-by-case in the respects that responsibility of environmental protection, human beings' self-preservation and sciencific(scientific) value of the natural resources. In addition, as the expanding of human activities area, there might be unknown value about the significant already measure.

ttstartUID: 2593649

Issue 83 "Government should prserve publicly owned wideness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
（括号里是我自己改的拼写错误）

I fundamentally agree with the conclusion that the government should preserve publicly owned wideness areas, however, whether the areas needed to be maintained in aboriginality should depend on the specific situation of the area. Howbeit I do not approve the latter assertion that only a few people would arrive there because it is not accords with the changing rapidly world and the phenomenon that urban expansion, even though some areas are indeed remote.

There are three fundamental arguments for imposing the government to protect the diminishing wildness areas. The first has to do with the culpability and the responsibility. To the extent that the excessive anthropogenic events have seriously affected the dedicate balance of the natural environment and intricate matrix of the interdependent relationships between wild species, we humans have the duty to take affirmative actions, especiallty through the government that the most powerful organization, to protect the few existed wildness areas. The second one is appeal to the self-preservation. Since the global environment is in dedicate balance as discussed above, the diminishing and disappear of wildness areas can set into motion a serises(series) of species exstinctions(extinctions) and the balance destruction of other areas, and ultimately endanger the survivel(survival) of our human beings. The third argument comes to the rich and abundant resources in the wildness areas, which has a significant meaning for researchers of biology and ecology Researchers are likely to continue to seek the answer of the origination and evolution of life, which has inestimable significance not only on the biological technology but also the ultimate question of life.

Moreover the government should take the reasonable and appropriate action to certain wildness place. For example, it is ture(true) that we should keep the natural state of evergland(everglade), forest and tropical rainforest. However, when it comes to other areas such as Sahara where should be improved rather than remained in natural state. The expansion of Sahara largely caused by human activities and if we leave aside the problems or just keep it on the harsh desert will threathen(threaten) our survival.

However the speaker's latter assertion that wildness areas are so remote that merely people would
arrive which contrast with the facts that rapidly expanding areas and scope of human activities. Humankind have never stop the step of exploring new habitat, especially at today's time that population rapidly growing, resources being depleted and techology(technology) developing at a speed that no one can image. There are several plans regards to explore and even move to mars, let alone the wildness areas on the touchable earth. As a result it is actually a harsh and difficult task for the government to protect the natural areas, and on the other hand, we can also infer from the urgent and harsh global situation that remain of wildness area might also have some unknowable values on a economic self-interest level.

In sum, I agree that the government should take action to prectect(protect) the wildness areas based on specific circumstances and analyze case-by-case in the respects that responsibility of environmental protection, human beings' self-preservation and sciencific(scientific) value of the natural resources. In addition, as the expanding of human activities area, there might be unknown value about the significant already measure.

chenxihao123UID: 2547731

89# ttstart
占位改88楼。。。。。。小的初来乍到，望后续多多加油顶啊




Issue 83 "Government should preserve publicly owned wideness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
（括号里是我自己改的拼写错误）

I fundamentally agree with the conclusion that the government should preserve publicly owned wideness areas, however, whether the areas needed to be maintained in aboriginality should depend on the specific situation of the area. Howbeit （前半句已用however，这里不适合再转折）I do not approve the latter assertion that only a few people would arrive there because it is（应用does） not accords with the changing rapidly（应为rapidly changing） world and the phenomenon that（这里不太明白你的意思，我觉得应该是phenomenon ，for example，urban expansion） urban expansion, even though some areas are indeed remote.

There are three fundamental arguments for imposing the government to protect the diminishing wildness areas. The first has to do with the culpability and the responsibility. To the extent that the excessive anthropogenic events have seriously affected the dedicate balance of the natural environment and intricate matrix of the interdependent relationships between wild species, we humans have the duty to take affirmative actions, especiallty through the government that the most powerful organization, to protect the few existed wildness areas. The second one is （加an）appeal to the self-preservation. Since the global environment is in dedicate balance as discussed above, the diminishing and disappear（这里要用名词形式） of wildness areas can set into motion a serises(series) of species exstinctions(extinctions) and the balance destruction of other areas, and ultimately endanger the survivel(survival) of our human beings. The third argument comes to the rich and abundant resources in the wildness areas, which has a significant meaning for researchers of biology and ecology 。Researchers are likely to continue to seek the answer of the origination and evolution of life, which has inestimable significance not only on（用to） the biological technology but also the ultimate question of life. （感觉这一段很容易盼雷同，楼上小心使用）

Moreover the government should take the reasonable and appropriate action（actions） to certain wildness place. For example, it is ture(true) that we should keep the natural state of evergland(everglade), forest and tropical rainforest. However, when it comes to other areas such as Sahara where should be improved rather than remained in natural state.（这个句子不完整） The expansion of Sahara （少is）largely caused by human activities and if we leave aside the problems or just keep it on the harsh desert （will少主语）will threathen(threaten) our survival.

However the speaker's latter assertion that wildness areas are so remote that merely people would
arrive which contrast with the facts that rapidly expanding areas and scope of human activities. Humankind have never stop the step of exploring new habitat, especially at today's time that population rapidly growing（grows）, resources being depleted and techology(technology) developing （同样，因为之前有that表明是一个从句，句子成分就应该完整）at a speed that no one can image（imagine）. There are several plans regards to explore （应为ing形式）and even move to mars, let alone the wildness areas on the touchable earth. As a result it is actually a harsh and difficult task for the government to protect the natural areas, and on the other hand, we can also infer from the urgent and harsh global situation that remain of wildness area might also have some unknowable values on a economic self-interest level.
感觉这个论点有点偏题，题目并未说地区太偏所以人类不会去，而是说那些地区因为片所以人比较少去，这两点差异还是比较大的（个人意见）

In sum, I agree that the government should take action （actions）to prectect(protect) the wildness areas based on specific circumstances and analyze case-by-case in the respects that responsibility of environmental protection（这个从句没有动词）, human beings' self-preservation and sciencific(scientific) value of the natural resources. In addition, as the expanding of human activities area, there might be unknown value about the significant already measure.
总结：楼上词汇挺多句式变换挺好，小的要学习，但论证不是特别深入，从句也有些错误，小的和楼上这两方面都要多加油

chenxihao123UID: 2547731

ISSUE50 - "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
为了提高大学的教学质量，所有的教职员工应该去校外参加一些和他们教的课程相关的工作
Should faculty work outside the college and university in professions related to their academic field? In my view, I strongly agree with the speaker's assertion that they ought to have working experience to some extent because it is undoubtedly beneficial for both the students and the faculty, but we should also take a cautious altitude towards it.

To begin with, as our technology develops quickly, the knowledge in the textbooks and imparted by faculty has lagged the contemporary society, the information contained in the courses can not sufficient reflect the changing demands in current life. After all, the objective of teaching is to apply the imparted academic knowledge to the reality we work in, without keeping abreast with the latest information about our academic field, we can hardly solve problems effectively and efficiently. For example, if we apply the old regulations of architectures that we have learned in college which can not meet the previous demand for architectures to the buildings which need more serious restrictions in current, it will possibly lead to ineligible buildings which may be unsafe for humans to live in.

Moreover, working outside the academic world in professions relevant to their course can have at least two benefits. First, it will improve the faculty's understanding of the field they study in, and will undoubtedly make them more professional in their academic field, especially those whose fields pay more emphases on practical experience. Take my tutor for instance. He always imparted his practical experience in constructing buildings in his courses, which not only bring us a variety of latest information differs from the content of boring textbooks but rather earn him a specialist in the field he works in. Therefore, working outside the academic world can do a favor for the faculty to improve themselves in certain field.

The second benefit has to do with the students. Faculty who has worked outside in his academic profession can bring the students special insights from a more special perspective, which can stimulate student's interests for the field he/she study in and can even make them prepare themselves for the jobs earlier. Moreover, an experienced teacher can provide the students who care about their jobs more instructive advises and more fresh information. After all, faculty who do not have working experience can provide neither up-to -date nor accurate information to the students.

However, we should also aware the fact that going too far is as bad as not going far enough, that is to say, faculty should work outside the college and university on the basis of paying enough time and attentions to their academic courses. Faculty who are attracted by the profits working outside therefore spend too much time on it can hardly have energy to impart knowledge well. Therefore we should call a balance between the academic instruction and the outside working.

In sum, faculty should acquire working experience in profession relevant to their academic fields, which is helpful not only to instructing their students but also elevating themselves. However, in order to guarantee the quality of their courses, they should also call a balance between their work and courses.