[6,7月份 cracking ibt essay! 小组写作组 FFtserAph的 第16次作业]

FFtserAphUID: 2641938

Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? Perseverance makes people stronger. Use specific reasons andexamples to support your answer.

字数统计：299

During our life, so many problems are worthconsidering carefully. As what has been come up with, recently the issue hasbeen brought into focus that whether perseverance makes people stronger. Somehold the view that this announcement is true, while the others believe that itis not. However, with all aspects carefully considered, I believe thatperseverance indeed makes people stronger.

To begin with, perseverance is the preconditionof success, because perseverance represents a positive and aggressive attitude.In the process of chasing our goal, various difficulties and impediments mayoccur in front of us. Without perseverance in our mind, giving up is the onlyway we can choose, which makes success impossible. There is a case in point toillustrate it. Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, the richest person in theworld, encountered lots of problems when he made the decision to drop form hisuniversity and during his exploration in organizing and operating his owncorporation. Just imagine what Gates would be if he is not a persevering person.

Furthermore, perseverance could broaden outopportunities. Frustration and failure are not alien to us in our dailystudying and working. Meanwhile, a man likely to give up when frustrated by an unexpectedresult absolutely could not get the opportunity to touch the happiness enjoyedby a person who finally achieved his ambitious goal. For instance, Edison invented the lamb after thousands of discouragingexperiments and become one of the greatest men in the history.

In a nutshell, I have to admit that thesetting of the goal or dream is quite important. Therefore, from what we havebeen discussed, we may safely come to the conclusion that, as we are heading ina correct orientation, the perseverance could show his considerable power tomake people stronger.

使劲拍砖 ^_^

hyacinthUID: 2184492

During our life, so many problems are worthconsidering carefully. As what has been come up with (我通常见到的come up with的主语都是人  呵呵) , recently the issue hasbeen brought into focus that whether perseverance makes people stronger ( -> the issue that whether perseverance makes ppl stronger has been brought into focus 至于为什么这么改  我前段时间传过一篇关于英语写作的文章 里面就谈到过这个问题. Somehold the view that this announcement (-> statement/argument  . announcement一般是指通知)is true, while the others believe that itis not. However, with all aspects carefully considered, I believe thatperseverance indeed makes people stronger.

To begin with, perseverance is the precondition of success, because perseverance represents a positive and aggressive attitude.In the process of chasing our goal, various difficulties and impediments mayoccur in front of us. Without perseverance in our mind, giving up is the onlyway we can choose, which makes success impossible. There is a case in point toillustrate it. Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, the richest person in theworld, encountered lots of problems when he made the decision to drop form hisuniversity and during his exploration in organizing and operating his owncorporation. Just imagine what Gates would be if he is not a persevering person. 这里我觉得例子和论点分开了。。。在你这个例子里 具体的 Gates的perseverance是怎么represent positive and aggressive attitude了? 我看到了一点positive 但是没有找到 aggressive...

Furthermore, perseverance could broaden out opportunities (broaden opportunities作和解? 扩大机会? ). Frustration and failure are not alien to us in our dailystudying and working (这一句和前面一句有什么联系么。。。). Meanwhile, a man (^ is ) likely to give up when frustrated by an unexpectedresult absolutely could not get the opportunity to touch the happiness enjoyedby a person who finally achieved his ambitious goal. For instance, Edison invented the lamb (lamb? a sheep ? or light bulb?) after thousands of discouragingexperiments and become one of the greatest men in the history.  例子再详细一点会更好 因为你只用了两个理由。而且也是最好能用一句话收下尾  毕竟例子是为了你的论点才存在的。

In a nutshell, I have to admit that thesetting of the goal or dream is quite important. (突然冒出来一句跟前文完全不相干的话。。。读者都蒙了。。。) Therefore, from what we havebeen discussed, we may safely come to the conclusion that,(模板的痕迹太明显) as we are heading ina correct orientation, the perseverance could show his considerable power tomake people stronger.


大结构没什么问题  措辞上再花点功夫就差不多了  加油~~ : ))