08的作文修改小铺子

kykyosongUID：2557097

今天第一次写的一篇 帮我看看主要问题。。谢谢

同意还是不同意：20年后，学生们都不再用print books了。
It is not rare to see that more and more students are use cell phones and computers when their need to know various kinds of information. Admittedly, no one can deny that printed books are the most prevalent medium of instructions. Some students, accordingly, claim that this kind of medium will last for many years, while others who suggest that we will give up the printed books twenty years from now for the reason that the rapid pace of development of technology which will definitely create new tools and replace the old one. From my perspective, I completely agree with the latter idea.

One reason I want to put forward is the appearing of new technical skills produce diverse ways from which we will have an excellent opportunity to learn knowledge, instead of using printed book. For instance, 20 years from now, internet would be the major resources for us to get information. Even for now, it is widely used by students from different realm, from which we can get useful details about almost anything in an unbelievable speed which is undeniable faster than to check out the printed books. By using all kinds of new creations, such as computer and cell phone, the internet is all around us no matter where you are and when you want to surf it. The striking advantageous point, which is most indispensible factor in today's "information period", is velocity. The faster we can get the more profits we may gain. Isn't it highly possible that one day we would walk along the website and never creep in print books again? The answer is obvious.

Another essential reason I'm trying to convey is the cost of production of printed books. With the development of technology and science, people begin to concern the environment protection so that they can live for a better life. The printed books, as we know, created by amount of papers, are cost much material in the product process which will definitely case serious pollutions and deforestation. This situation is not available for future development and therefore will be shut down soon. In contrast, internet, for example, does not have such harmful impact to human society and nature. What's more, most of the students have to pay much money for the books they read. In the contrary, information from website is free for everyone.All these comparisons can directly lead us to conclude that it is entirely possible that printed books would disappear 20 years from now.

From what have been discussed above, it is apparent to draw the conclusion that students will not use printed books since the new ways are coming towards them. In the mean time, we shouldn’t ignore the valuable knowledge contained in printed books,absorbing those knowledge and transform them to the website is a nice method, like “ Wiki” does.

gerryderekUID：2675772

我的第一篇 希望给出详细解答 有什么问题我可以整改 还有 感觉偏题了 human nature 我写的切题么
Agree or disagree? Observing or studying animals can teach usa lot of human nature.

Animals and humans usually have common characters. Thus,  observing or studying animals would be a great means to learn human nature on account that both human beings and creatures share quite a number of characters, such as greed and laziness, although some characters are only peculiar to mankind.

In view of rapacity, no difference would be figured out between man and animals. In the world, the rule endures the test of time that if one is strong and vigorous enough, none is eligible to compete with him to completely occupy what he desires. Among the realm of animals, lion is undoubtedly the king. If two lions are put together, a fight is inevitable in that they would consume all the strength to fight for valuable food. No doubt the loser is obliged to leave all things behind to the victor. Similar behaviors occur in human world. Large corporations are addicted to annex smaller firms in the same field for plundering such resources beneficial to them as talents and shares of market, ultimately monopolizing most of the market. Thus, observation of animals is an appropriate method to study human's greed.

In terms of laziness, it is a common character endowed by species surviving the ecosystem. Laziness can be found on Gila monster, which feed on small rodents, juvenile birds, and reptile eggs. Once females lay about a dozen eggs in a wide hole in moist sand, the leathery-shelled eggs are hatched in ten months without any care from their parents. Similar action is echoed by behavior of children. Inclined to spend all time to playing, young children are reluctant to finish their homework or attend tutorial classes by getting up till noon at weekends. Consequently, not only are animals too lazy to assume their accountabilities, but individuals are accustomed to entertainment lack of wills to work or study all day long as well.

Albeit, researches on animals can not answer the question that why mankind is intelligent. Even the most intelligent animal, chimpanzee, can not work out a complicated puzzle. What they are capable of is just to imitate the simplest action done by persons. By contrast, an ordinary people can perform two things at the same time. One can make a telephone call to a relative or friend, while surfing on the Internet for particular information, without intertwining each other. In such case, study of animals is of no helps.

All in all, observing or studying animals is valuable to learn human nature in most situations. However, still something cannot be uncovered by such researches.

kuaruUID：2657291

这么好的地方:dizzy:太感谢楼主了
这是我昨天做og后面的作文，很认真的改了改，望多多指教
Topic: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible.Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time.Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to suport your opinion.


In recent years, there seem to be a tendancy that more and more young adults are renting apartments outside homes to be independent from their parents. Still, there are also a great deal of young grown ups who choose to live a longer time with their parents. After comparing the advantages and disadvantages of the two chooses, I would prefer living alone for the following reasons.

First and the most important, depending on yourself is an inevitable situation which will come to you sooner or later, so why not prepare youself for the new experience and challenges earlier? It is when we are away from the protection of our parents and tasting the bitterness of the real life can we exert our potential to its most and get to know what I am lacking of as an experienced and sophiticated adult. Just take one of my classmates Lisa who was living alone in an apartment not far from our compus as an example. At first, she was almost driven crazy by those trifles such as paying electrical and water expenses, cleaning the room, shopping for daily commodities, to name just a few. She admits that it needs both proper arrangements and self-control to live without parents, yet she also thinks this experience is rewarding.

Another reason why I prefer living by myself is that without 24-hour observation of our parents we can feel more privacy. Some of the young adults are really tired of the weary nags of their parents, though most of them show how much they care about you, however, no one would like to be frequently told what kind of friends you should not make or what kind of music you should listen.A good example is that when you are geting together or having parties with your friends ,you would not have the trouble asking your parents for permission whom you are going to invite or which piece of music you can play.

Besides all the benefits you get, on the other hand, when you are living ouside, your aging parents can also release from both taking care of you (like do cooking and washing for you) and the extra expenses for your daily use. I believe as an adult, it is time for you to learn how to take care of as well as finance yourself.

From all that have been discussed above,we can see that living alone has a variety of benefits for both young adults and their parents. Thus, we may safely draw the conclusion that young adults should be independent from parents as soon as possible to well prepare themselves for the forthcoming challenges.

tomato100UID：2608246

麻烦楼主给提提意见～～～
同意不同意 daily homework is necessary for students

Which is the best way to help students to digest the knowledge they learnt in school? Which is the most efficient method to let children improve their understanding on the kin they needed to know well? Which is the easiest way for students to find the part which they have not grasped yet? The answer obviously seen here will be the most appropriate stand point of the issue that daily homework is necessary for students. Meanwhile I would bolster it in the following part with more convincing reasons and factors of life.

It is widely known that there is no possibility to grasp knowledge well without practice .Just as learning how to swim, one who have not being into the swimming pool could not get the key points. It is same in the study of some science subjects such as chemistry, math and physics. By doing homework, we can contract the abstract concept with its reality application which is much more important than a theoretical idea. That is why homework can help us appreciate the concept and theory much more deeply.

On the other aspect, heaving some homework can press students to remember the facts needed in the exam. Take history learning as an example. In history study, there are a great amount of facts like names and years needed to remember, which is a heavy but necessary work. If teachers assign such kind of homework to force them recite it, some lazy kids will did well in their final exam.

However, too much homework is obviously unnecessary. Too much homework, especially some boring repeating one , is a totally waste of time. Heaving too much homework means children will not have time to do sports. It is said that primary students should do homework no more than half an hour and middle school should less than one hour.

Based on the detailed and well-reasoned evidence concerning the issue that whether daily homework is necessary, a reflex and consisted viewpoint can be drawn upon which is homework should be assigned everyday. Unfortunately, there is still much left to be considered. It is important that homework should be creative and guiding. Otherwise, homework will obstruct our leaning in stead of improve it.

gtqscatUID：2556402

I do not mean to trouble you, but I badly need your advice, since I will take my second TOEFL on 8.8. I can understand  you are so busy here. So I should not expect too much here, should I? Thank you anyway.  






023 In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

I agree with the idea that students should have jobs when they are still at school. Doing some part time jobs can benefit us for its practical experience. At the mean time, we can also learn how to communicate with others and support our daily expense.

I have to concede that doing part time jobs would cost some time, but I also believe the benefit is considerable, because students can get prepared for future career. It is known to us that not all the knowledge can be used directly in practice, especially some courses like physics, biology, archeology and international relationship. These courses are often abstract and complicated. Students cannot truly understand such courses in practice unless they do some part time jobs. Also, students need time to adapt themselves （to）society. The game rules in society could be distinct, compared to the happy college life. Consequently, working in rest time of studying meets the need of students. Perhaps, it does take plenty of time, however students cannot always study in their own field, sometimes a different way of study can be a kind of rest.

Few students can fully understand how to communicate with others efficiently, and doing part time jobs can be the way to improve such skill of them. Frankly, I was the one who know little about communication, and it seemed to me that nothing can impulse me to do that at that time. Nevertheless, after my being a part time salesman, I had to talk to others efficiently and study the art of talk. Sometimes, I faced dozens of different people every single day. They meant to me different characteristics and disparate communication methods. Then, communication became a necessary activity of my daily life. Such experience changed me a lot, and communication not only brings to me a boarder sight, but also the confidence to talk.

Additionally, （the）increasing amounts of expense forces students to do part time jobs. In our daily life, almost all the people have to face kinds of problems about expense, such as affording the fee to take bus, the fare to go travelling, the payment for various tax, and even the cost to buy a new things to adorn your house. As a result, we do not lack some difficult time when we were short of money, so it is to most students.

All in all, noticing that the benefits are attractive in taking a part time job, I consider doing such work as receiving a great experience. And finding a decent job is likely to be a difficult thing nowadays, so it seems to be necessary for students to design their future career earlier.

tigerzxUID：2669737

再次感谢08上次的修改先
本题目：公共交通谁来埋单
With the fast development of technology, new transportation vehicles make human beings lots of efficiency and convenience. At the same time, due to the surge of economy, more and more private cars are available to vast public. However, because of the fierce discussion about the use of nature resources, there is an intensive debate that whether the people should pay for the public transportation which is a efficient way to reduce the consume of resources. In my opinion, public transportation should be available for free.

First of all, it should be acknowledged that private cars provide people with spacious and independent room and flexible mobility, which result in the fast increasing number of private cars. In addition, another significant reason for this tendency is the payment for buses, taxies and so forth, because it is really terrible and unworthy for people to pay for crowd, noisy and relatively expensive transportation. What is more, the raising number of cars, undoubtedly, leads to more traffic jams, traffic accidents and the most awful tragedy- air pollutions. However, in order to eliminate or reverse these bad consequences, the government should pay more effort to deal with them, and one of the efficient ways is to encourage and enhance the use of public transportation by repealing the cost of them. In this angle, the government not only changes the terrible road situations but also improves the environment for its citizens.

Fortunately, these humanistic changes brought by free transportation system can also foster the sense of nationality and the loyalty to its political party. This will arouse huge passions of citizens to devote themselves to the construction of beautiful city or harmony society. With no doubt, the contribution of the citizens will result in larger amount of taxes which can be acted as the payment for the public transportation. This direct or indirect welfare produced by government will certainly unite the whole nation and unify the whole society.

Based on these advantages listed above, the public transportation should be free for citizens, which can improve the overburdened road situation, release the tension of air pollution, benefit for the whole country and finally lead to a harmony, prosperous and healthy society.
谢谢^_^

jiang08UID：2391146

Should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development?
提纲：政府应该平衡两者。

• 1，
  经济发展对人类的生存很重要，他不仅关系到人类的温饱等物质问题，还关系到人类的道德等精神层面的问题。经济的不发展将会带来很多社会问题。
  
• 2，
  环境保护对人类的生存也至关重要，如果说经济发展解决了人类生存的内在问题，那么环境问题关系到的是人类生存的外部问题。而如今环境问题已经十分严重，到了一个关键时刻。
  
• 3，
  我们对经济发展的关注是一直的，也是足够的，但是对于环境保护还没有足够的投入。所以我们一定要在认识上达到一定的高度在行动上要敢于在不倒退的情况下牺牲一些经济利益来实现环境保护。
  

With the development of our economy, the nature environment is continuously deteriorating. Recently, the financial risk has provoked a hot discussion of the relationship between the environment preservation and the economic development. From the point of my view, the government should learn to balance the two instead of biasing either.

As we all know, the development of economy involves the survival of the humankind. It not only matters the problem of (affects) food and clothing but also influences social, political, and moral problems. If people are aware of the advancement of their living standard, their values, such as fairness, generosity and tolerance, will be consequently elevated. Otherwise, if people find that their life improvement will be impossible in the next decades, the whole society will degenerate and people will become more paranoid and hidebound. Such examples are plenty in the history of the development of humankind.这个观点很抽象，你提到了例子很多，能不能写一个出来呢？ More important, the stage we human beings are staying on is not as high as that everyone has no worry about his or her next meal. Especially in Africa, many people are hoping for what Chinese people hoped for half a century ago, although there still exist many areas in which people are worrying about their livelihood. If we want to solve such problems, the only way is to develop our economy. So the government should insist on the economical development.

If we accept the development of economy as the internal aspect of the survival of our humankind, the nature environment will be the external aspect of it, and the two aspects are equally significant. Now our environment has stepped into an（a） dangerous situation, and scientists has warned that if the global average temperatures continue to rise as a result of the predicted increase in emissions of man-made greenhouse gases, the Earth could be tipped into a potentially dangerous state that could last for many centuries or could be irreversible. The climate change may bring about the melting of polar ice sheet and the collapse of the Indian and West African monsoons which will lead to a dramatic rise in sea levels that flood coastal regions and widespread crop failures and famine, hence counteracting the achievement brought by the development of economy. So we should protect our nature environment, which can also defend(s) our attainment of the economical development.


It is not difficult to find (缺out) that our governments are（单数） always working on the development of economy and even for the goal they would rather sacrifice the environment protection. As to（for） the protection of nature environment, our government has not given adequate support, especially in material aspect. So the government should not only increase the awareness of the environment protection but also have the determination to sacrifice certain economical benefits to achieve environmental improvement. In conclusion, the government should learn to balance the two aspects and create a win-win situation.
thatll 发表于 2009-8-2 01:33

语言很不错，就是G味稍微有点浓了

lxririsUID：2664356

OG上测试的那个作文。超时了几分钟。之后又简单修改了明显的拼写和语法错误。望狠批。
Topic: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to suport your opinion.

Two weeks ago, one of my good friends phoned me, telling me that she moved out of her home and tried to earn her own living. That is the third call telling me their so-called independent behavior. However, I can not endorse such idea and I hold the view that we should live a longer time with our parents until we really have the ability to support ourselves.

To start with, young adults still need someone guide their life. As we are living in a ever-changing society, the complexity of outside world is still not familiarized by young adults. For example, we have not enough experience to judge whether the community we live is safe and whether the place we work in is a standard company. Laking the life experience is the greatest weak point exists on our young adults. At this moment, parents can act as the most helpful guide; they are glad to share their own experience at your age and they carefully give advice on your future plan. I deem it as the best way for young adults to apporch the complicated society gradually.

In addition, we can also learn to be independent at home with our family. Living alone is not the only criteria of independence. Why can't us learn to be independent at our home instead of alone outside? For instance, we can learn to wash our clothses by our own hands, not depending on our parents. Likewise, we can learn to cook, not only for ourselves but also for the household. Don't you regard these behavior as being independent as well? For me, independent is a extremely wide conception; we can adopt this nice quality via every trivia. The first time you make your bed, the first time you neaten your desk can also be looked as the symbol of becoming independent.

In summary, it is not necessary for young adult to leave their parents as soon as possible, for parents can guide you to be more independendt and home is also a good training center for being independent. Apparently, through the above analyses, we can safely arrive the conclusion that it is better for young adults to live a longer time with the parents. Thus, I sincerely hope my "independent" friends can be back to their home to enjoy the prossess to be a real independent individual.

gaolingno1UID：2670463

又要麻烦您了~

test：你觉得modern technology 是帮助孩子们learn more information or help learn it more quickly

Deciding what function of modern technology in helping students' study is quite difficult. Some people claims that it can help students learn more information, while others claim it can help students learn more quickly. There might be some reasons that it may help students learn information more quickly; however, from personal perspective, I believe that modern technology can enrich students' knowledge, that is to say, it can let students learn more information.

To begin with, satisfied with the opinion that the modern technology can help students learn information more quickly are those people who hold view that it add many other element during student's student, such as sound and image, which can accelerate the studying efficiency. According a result of recent study experiment on Xiamen province, almost ninety percent students claims that only reading books is such a boring thing that they cannot insist for more than two hours, but using modern technology, like video, computer, is making a different. They found knowledge can be accepted quickly, since the sound and images give them deep impression, and therefore they found themselves learn it more quickly than reading books. Thus, people think the modern technology can help students learn information more quickly.

Considerable though reasons that modern technology can accelerate the speed of studying enjoys are, they cannot compete with that it can help students learn more information, when the following aspects are taken into consideration.

First of all, modern technology, such as computer, can enlarge the students' knowledge scope. Owning to the development of internet, which based on the computer, students can search more answers on the internet, which help them learn more information directly. It can provide more information than books, or even more than encyclopedias. No matter what students want to ask, it always can find answers on the internet, especially nowadays, the search tools are advance. For example, when a student is reading the mathematic book, and come up with a question about history of a formula, he or she can use the modern technology to search the information he or she questioned, at the same time, s/he can learn lots of knowledge that are related to this certain problems. Therefore, the modern technology can enlarge students' knowledge scope.

Moreover, some subjects cannot learn through modern technology, no matter whether if can let students learn more quickly, such as math. The deduction of a math formula is quite complex, and through modern technology may lead to some problems, such as more confusing about the concept of the formula, because when understand a formula, people need to deduce it all themselves, and showing some PowerPoint or watching some videos can do nothing.

It is true that using modern technology can help students learn information more quickly, yet modern technology can help students learn more information directly, when some characteristics of certain subjects are taken into consideration.

churchillyhUID：2326954

麻烦版主帮忙看看我的这篇，谢谢啦:)


In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.


One hundred years ago, the average life-expectancy for people in the world was less than 40; this number, however, has doubled currently. A multiple factors may contribute to a much longer life, but three fundamental driving force should stand out, which include the general improvement in medical science and technology, modernization of public health care system and a continuous, stable and upward social-economic environment.


First and foremost, the fabulous development in medical fields in the recent century provides the technical opportunity to extend human life. To begin with, large-scale epidemic diseases have been basically exterminated and under well control, due to the advent of effective vaccines. Moreover, advanced medical apparatus inspired by innovations in electronics, mechanics and chemistry has transformed the process of treatment. Not only do these high-tech devices fasten the maturity of modern study of medicine in the sense of more accurate diagnosis and surgeries, but also they stimulate doctors to explore diverse and wider possibilities of medicine. In addition, most surprising discovery comes from the genetic therapy, a brand-new method conducted on the molecular level, which permits predicting potential physiological defects before birth of a child, inserting a healthy gene to cure diseases, and even creating new human species with stronger adaptation and longer life.

Furthermore, the appreciable rise in life expectancy should also give credit to the widely establishment of public health systems, mainly supported by governments. Hospitals, medical centers, and sports stadium provide places to cure diseases and improve physical fitness. Besides, International standards of disease-control and health education play a significant role in the general enhancement in public awareness of health. Such contribution becomes especially conspicuous in the recent battle against SARS, bird flu and HIN1 virus, all easily contained very soon and corresponding losses being minimized. Thanks to the complete health systems, people gradually abandon harmful living habits, learn the commonsense about frequent disease and human body, and pursue a high-quality life with an exquisite balance between work and health.


From a broader perspective, we can not be blind to a less obvious fact that a world of peace and stability prevents our efforts mentioned above from being impeded or even destroyed. Someone may suggest that regional warfare and conflicts still exist. The general peaceful global environment, however, is the mainstream trend and provides cover for scientific study and construction of public health care systems. What is more important, with increasing international communication and cooperation, countries especially developing countries share the benefit of lasting development in economy and science, thus able to afford a stronger support for human health.


To conclude, unnumbered scientific discoveries, widely-established health care systems and a peaceful and upward global environment largely account for a longer and healthier life in current society. Considering future advancement in these aspects optimistically, we may even reach the theoretical limit for human longevity sooner or later.

dogshoutUID：2186461

楼主 ： 你能否回答一下195楼的问题

libra5UID：2676988

谢谢LZ,帮忙修改下哦，多题建议。谢谢，好人好人！

题目： Getting advice from friends who are older than you is more valuable than friends with your same age

People may meet various problems in their life. Sometimes they do not know how to make a decision or who could provide an answer to a certain problem. People usually ask their older friends or friends with same age. Whose advices are more valuable? As far as I am concerned, solving different question should depend on distinct people. My views can be substantiated by the following arguments.

Older friends have more experience than what younger people have. This is because senior people know what is right and wrong. In other words, they may make lots of mistakes and tried many methods to solve a problem which you are going to encounter. As an old saying goes "you can not catch old birds with chaff". If you have some questions which your friends in same ages have not met before need to be solved, you'd better ask an old friend. For example, some things, such as career development, marriage, and even taking care of baby, are unknown areas for you. The older friends can provide suggestions for them rather than younger friends can do. In addition, if you want to obtain advices of keeping health, old friends are the prior selection, since old friends underwent illness and healing several times. These examples are not rare.

So old friends are worth trusting when your problems need more experienced advices, but some suggestions from the friends in same age are better than elder. Some areas, such as computer, music, dancing, are popular in young people. Although older people have more experience and stories in their lives, they may not know every thing, especially a few modern activities. For example, popular music and rock music are loved by young people while few older people concern them. So they can not provide suggestions. Also they like playing lots of digital products, such as mobile phone, computer, and even Gameboy, in which elders always feel difficult and ask questions. Is it still necessary to get advices from older friends in such area? Do not you think these examples mentioned above are very persuasive? If all of older friends' advices are valuable than younger people, the society will not develop.

Undeniably, the more situations we experience, the more progress we will make. So if you have problems on your work, health or even family, you could ask the older people rather than younger people. One the other side, if you have troubles on modern activities, younger people who are in your same age can offer satisfied answers. Both older and younger friends are people's spiritual wealth. Therefore, dissimilar question need advices from different friends.

FFFFoundUID：2612073

第一次写，请多多指正！
TOPIC：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

A teacher's ability to relate well with students is more important than excellent knowledge of the subject being taught.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your anwer.

My Writing：
Education is definitely essencial to people, especially to determine our human's future. Therefore, thousands of hundreds money and human resoucres contribute to eduction so that our education would be advanced and in this case, teacher plays a vital role, why? A teacher's abilitiy to relate well with the students is important? Yes, and probably cricial. Does that ability is more important that excellent knowledge of the subject being taught? I believe not.

To be frank, the relationship between teacher and students is basis to education. A enjoyable relationship can enhance the communication and simulate the interesting of study. Compared with an excellent knowledge being taught, interesting is much more essencial because suppose, for example, if a student have a talent in the realm of mathematics, however, he does not like the math teacher even if the teacher is the most great teaher in the country and his class is vivid. How can an interactivity progess? Therefore, a teacher's good capability can save this hole of relationship, and    a talent mathematic genius would be borned.

Nevertheless, it is clear to me that just a nice job of relating well with studentys is insurficient. Because learning has great many ways, for the college students, independent thought and experiment maybe far outweight to the traditional class. In this way, student need less help, or even a students group can replace the position of a teacher. For instance, SOVO, namely, students office and Venture office, be established by only students, it is like a studio or a company. In the SOVO, there is fulfilled with challenges that the projects need much more konwledge than that you learned in your class. So the students have to study by themselves and them use these finish the risks and make productions. Both thoery and practice are all learned by the students themselves.

Even though college student reley on the teacher less that the middle school or high school's students do. The face-to-face communication and discussion enable students get more knows. For high school students, they are peaparing for their application to an extraordinary university like Stanford, Harvard or MIT. Which the they do need most is certainly obtaining excellent konwledge being taught by their teaher. In the competitive situation, a famous high school's teacher would be accpetd more respect and higher salary, due to the method of teaching and aboundent experience.  What the students care is not the relationship but how to get better knowledge. Consequently,can a ablitity to relate well with students is more impotant than excellent konwledge of the subject being taught? The answer is obvious.

To sum up, a teahcer have a great relationship wth the students in some ways is quite needed. However, it cannot put much emphasis when compared with an excellent konwledge be taught.

jiang08UID：2391146

这周就考试了，时间好不够啊。。麻烦高手指点指点。。谢谢。。。
俄 不知道我是否来晚了……对不住阿……

88 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Telephones and email have made

communication between people less personal. Use specific reasons and examples to support your

opinion.

When it comes to ways of communication, people come up with not only modern means like telephones, emails, and on line chatting-rooms, but also traditional ways including face-to-face talks, personal letters, and messages left on desk. The issue whether telephones and email have made communication between people less personal is actually the competition between such state-of-the-art technology and the old-styled talking ways. From my point of view, I believe the new ways of communication will not publicize the contents of communication, but on the contrary, make talks between people safer and more personal. 这个开头把要论证的内容说的很清楚，我喜欢

Before we excavate the true merits of the high-tech things, it is necessary to have a brief look at how we communicate with fellows without the help of scientific tools. The most original and basic way is meeting the other party face to face. You set time and place for the appointment, usually at restaurant or in the office, both public places, talking with others by your sides.（建议把人称统一成we）  Sometimes we use the most sincere method--writing a letter--to unfold our hearts. Problems involved in these letters are apparent—letters lost on the road of delivery, "checked" by your parents, and stolen by the adversity in business. In a word, letters' safety is facing great challenges as well, not to say the third way of passing messages, a way depended on the third party to receive the information. 这里写了两个过去的工具，信件的例子没问题，但是关于面对面，为什么一定要在公共场合呢？

However, with the help of the technology-orientated instruments（technology即可）, all the matters（problems） mentioned above can be avoided (用all 太绝对，后面的让步段也写到了). Without limitation of places and time, telephones and Email can be handled easily. To the extreme, to talk to your mate or compose your email, you can choose an isolated island--where you will never be bothered by a third one--as long as signals are available on the island.（不太明白为什么要用孤立小岛这个例子……） In fact, pragmatic wide-spreading（wide-spread） use of Email demonstrates the pure fact that bearing the merits of safety, convenience, and time-saving, email could be credited as an ideal way of communication. Since only those having the right passwords could get access to the letter, therefore ensuring the privacy of the contents of the letters.

Admittedly, it is not a rare case that some people are illegally spying calls and emails between companies or even between governments to commit a crime. However we may as well notice the efforts of both government and related departments to improve the online system as well as to intensity the punishment of those crime committers. Almost certain is the confidence on the better improvement of future of these communicating tools.

To sum up, high-tech based communication methods such as telephones and email will continue to enhance the communication between people to remain personal.yanglinsheep 发表于 2009-8-2 09:13

关于这个题目，什么叫personal？我觉得你审题稍微有点偏差。这里的意思应该不只是说“不公开”，还包括“人情味”的意思。不然题目就用“private”就好了。努力试图解释一下我对题目的理解：
过去，人们面对面交流会增进感情
而email的出现使得沟通很没有人情味，程序化，也没有表情，语音这些

不过这只是我对题目的理解，欢迎探讨

jiang08UID：2391146

今天第一次写的一篇 帮我看看主要问题。。谢谢

同意还是不同意：20年后，学生们都不再用print books了。
It is not rare to see that more and more students are use（using） cell phones and computers when their（they） need to know various kinds of information. Admittedly, no one can deny that printed books are the most prevalent medium of instructions. Some students, accordingly, claim that this kind of medium will last for many years, while others （who多余） suggest that we will give up the printed books twenty years from now for the reason that the rapid pace of development of technology （which 多余） will definitely create new tools and replace the old one. From my perspective, I completely agree with the latter idea.

One reason I want to put forward is the appearing（appearance；动词有名词形式就先用其对应名词，没有再用ing形式） of new technical skills produce diverse ways from which we will have an excellent opportunity to learn knowledge, instead of using printed book. For instance, 20 years from now, internet would be the major resources（单数） for us to get information. Even for now, it is widely used by students from different realm（复数）, from which we can get useful details about almost anything in an unbelievable speed which is undeniable faster than to check out the printed books. By using all kinds of new creations, such as computer and cell phone, the internet is all around us no matter where you are and when you want to surf it. The striking advantageous point, which is most indispensible factor in today's "information period", is velocity. The faster we can get the more profits we may gain. Isn't it highly possible that one day we would walk along the website and never creep in print books again? The answer is obvious. 这个反问句型不错；另外这一段的论点，可以考虑改造成“新媒体更快捷方便”，因为你后面的讨论都是说网络如何快如何无所不在

Another essential reason I'm trying to convey is the cost of production of printed books. With the development of technology and science, people begin to concern the environment protection so that they can live for a better life. The printed books, as we know, created by amount of papers, are cost much（costly） material in the product process which will definitely case（拼写） serious pollutions and deforestation. This situation is not available（？应该是想表达“有益的”？） for future development and therefore will be shut down soon. In contrast, internet, for example, does not have such harmful impact to human society and nature. What's more, most of the students have to pay much money for the books they read. In the contrary, information from website is free for everyone.All these comparisons can directly lead us to conclude that it is entirely possible that printed books would disappear 20 years from now.

From what have been discussed above, it is apparent to draw the conclusion that students will not use printed books since the new ways are coming towards them. In the mean time, we shouldn’t ignore the valuable knowledge contained in printed books,（句号）absorbing those knowledge and transform them to the website is a nice method, like “ Wiki” does.
kykyosong 发表于 2009-8-2 17:08

定语从句用的有点过多了，句子不是越长越好，有时候来个短句反而更漂亮的。总体来说写的不错。