=七月流火=小组第1次小组作业 issue130 by maggiegu1019

maggiegu1019UID: 2683879

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."


Somebody hold that how children, who are not taught well in helping and promoting a better society, socialized determines the destiny of society. In weighting up both the prospective benefits and potential risks I side on the opposite and reckon that
inevitable albeit the children well socialized are, their may be other factors which exerting unrelenting role in instructing where the society to go. In addition I consider that we, to some extend, have grasped to raise children in a successful way.

Firstly, consider how to define "a better society"? As in my view, the juvenile of several decades are performed prominently. During recent decades, the contemporary society is increasing in sensitivity about providing enough foods and sufficient medicine by promoting and boosting the productive efficiency of agriculture and the innovation and popularization of pharmaceutical business. We are more increasing sensitive and respective to the women rights, various races and mentally and physical disabled person, even homosexualities. Elton John, a British singer, is a case in point .In 2005 he tight the knot with his long-time partner David Furnish in a partnership ceremony with the best wishes from his friends. Supposing he was born a hundred years early, impossibility he the wedding will be on, at least I can not image there will exist best wishes of his friend.

Secondly, the combination among the nations, are indispensable episodes in sharing a better society. Without globalization, the WHO will not be accomplished in committing to lift the health condition both in physical and psychological all around the world, a better society will never come true. Without combing multiple nations, the peace keeping mission will be an imagination, a better society will not show up. Without the quantum leap in technology and science, the civilization, which undermine the stress of working and serving a increasing convenience, in day-to-day life will only be a fiction in the story. Last but not least, a government of the people, for the people and by the people is coming into being as the development of democracy. Under most circumstances, the children skillful children decades of years ago accomplished outstandingly.

Thirdly, I commit that well socialized juvenile do play a significant role in determines the destiny of our society as a whole, nevertheless, the socialization can not be mislead and if not the result will run to a dead end. Socialization is, as a common sense, believed as a profoundly positive element. On certain occasions, howbeit, serve the very positive effect, which should never be subordinated. Accomplished the formal education, by the virtue of which the juvenile be accounted as socialized, each students of contemporary era is, there no guarantee for every "socialized" boys and girls to determine the society runs well. The criminal rate of juvenile ,for example, in shanghai ,increasing by 5% in 2009 ,comparing to that in 2008 (Vol.37 of
Asian juvenile ).How can
we place hope on the juvenile mentioned above to guide the progress of our society.

To sum up, we a living in a better society right with sustained advancement. Indispensable though socialization of children is, the outcome may be as the poles of our earth, which required further reformation.

KiKi~淇水滺滺UID: 2679824

我预订啦~~

maggiegu1019UID: 2683879

2# KiKi~淇水滺滺
亲爱的，辛苦~~·:kiss:

KiKi~淇水滺滺UID: 2679824

不好意思我要迟了~~5555~~被拉出去吃饭了~~1小时后一定贴上

KiKi~淇水滺滺UID: 2679824

kiki改好了~~

Somebody（用The arguer比较好吧）
hold (the idea) that how children, who are not taught well in helping and promoting a better society, are socialized determines the destiny of society.(这句话没有谓语了，而且写得很怪，不是很推荐这样写) In weighting up both the（冠词不要的） prospective benefits and potential risks I side on the opposite(这个opposite指代在哪里呢，你之前本来就是2方面了) and reckon that inevitable albeit
（认为不可避免的即使？是这个意思么？看不懂啊，这个不可避免到底你想表达什么？）the(冠词还是不要的，children是泛指，不是特指吧) children are well socialized are（位置不对，去掉）, their（是there吧）
may be other factors which(which不要好像比较通顺) exerting unrelenting role(应该是roles吧，或者加a 因为你之前是factors, role是可数名词) in instructing where the society to go. In addition I consider that we, to some extend（extend是动词，你应该是想用extent吧）, have grasped （how）
to raise children in a successful way.
Firstly, consider how to define "a better society"? (有consider就不要用‘？’) As（as是不要的） in my view, the juvenile of several decades are performed（被表现？？你应该是想表达表现的吧，那就是主动语气了） prominently. During recent decades, the contemporary society is increasing in sensitivity about providing enough foods and sufficient medicine by promoting and boosting the productive efficiency of agriculture and the innovation and popularization of pharmaceutical business.（我个人觉得and有点多。。。） We are more increasing（more就可以了）
sensitive and respective（这个意思是‘各自的’）
to the women rights, various races and mentally and physical disabled person, even homosexualities.（没有复数的。。。而且不知道你这句话到底是说社会变敏感了还是变包容了？从你接下来的话来看是变包容变尊重了）Elton John, a British singer, is a case in point .In 2005 he tight the knot with his long-time partner David Furnish in a partnership ceremony with the best wishes from his friends. Supposing he was born a hundred years early (是ago), impossibility（这个是名词，而你这里要用副词吧） he the wedding will be on（你看这句话，你的主语到底是he还是wedding呢，你的意思应该是wedding吧）, at least I can not（是合写的，cannot） image(词用错，是imagine吧) there will exist（s） best wishes of his friend（s呢）.
Secondly, the combination among the nations, （逗号不要的，这句独立主格是主语吧）are（谓语用错，你只有一个吧，用is的）
indispensable episodes in sharing a better society. Without globalization, the WHO will not be accomplished（是卫生组织完成的吧，那就是主动语态，怎么是被动了呢？）
in committing to lift（是改善的意思吧，用improve） the health condition both(位置不是很好) in (both) physical and psychological all around the world, a better society will never come true. Without combing（是combining吧） multiple nations, the peace keeping mission will be an imagination, a better society will not show up. Without the quantum leap in technology and science, the civilization, which undermine the stress of working and serving a increasing convenience, in day-to-day life will only be a fiction in the story. Last but not least, a government of the people, for the people and by the people is coming into being as the development of democracy. Under most circumstances, the children skillful children decades of years ago accomplished outstandingly. (不好意思，看不懂)

Thirdly, I commit that well socialized juvenile do play a significant role in determines（determining）
the destiny of our society as a whole, nevertheless, the socialization can not be mislead（ed） and if not(,) the result will run to a dead end. Socialization is, as a common sense, believed as a profoundly positive element. (插入语不如不要，只是在凑字而已) On certain occasions, howbeit, serve（什么东西serve，你的主语呢） the very positive effect, which should never be subordinated. Accomplished the formal education, by the virtue of which the juvenile be accounted as socialized, each students of contemporary era is, there no guarantee for every "socialized" boys and girls to determine the society runs well.（找到好多主语。。。） The criminal rate of juvenile ,for example, in shanghai ,increasing by 5% in 2009 ,comparing（compared） to that in 2008 (Vol.37 of Asian juvenile ).How can we place hope on the juvenile mentioned above to guide the progress of our society.（这是句问句吧？）
To sum up, we a living in a better society right with sustained advancement. Indispensable though socialization of children is (还是不对吧，你想表达的是虽然对于小孩子来说socialization是不可缺少的意思吧，那就是though socialization is indispensable to children), the outcome may be as the poles of our earth, which required further reformation.

KiKi~淇水滺滺UID: 2679824

总体来说对你的建议是不要用那么多红宝上的词，有些词是有细微差别的，你很容易出错的

第二，你的语法，好好补一补，而且你喜欢好多的插入语，然后到后来自己都不知道有没有主谓宾了~~你也快要考试了，语句通顺希望能成为你接下去几天努力做到的事，宁可写短句，主谓宾至少都要有吧

maggiegu1019UID: 2683879

我稍晚点该，两个最大的句子问题已经解决了，其他多是小问题

maggiegu1019UID: 2683879

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."


Somebody hold that how children, who are not taught well in helping and promoting a better society, socialized determines the destiny of society. In weighting up both prospective benefits and potential risks I side on the opposite and reckon that  inevitable albeit the children well socialized are, their may be other factors which exerting unrelenting role in instructing where the society to go. In addition I consider that we, to some extent, have grasped to raise children in a successful way.

Firstly, consider how to define "a better society". As in my view, the juvenile of several decades performed prominently. During recent decades, the contemporary society is increasing in sensitivity about providing enough foods and sufficient medicine by promoting and boosting the productive efficiency of agriculture and the innovation and popularization of pharmaceutical business. We are more increasing sensitive and respected to the women rights, various races and mentally and physical disabled person, even homosexualities. Elton John, a British singer, is a case in point .In 2005 he tight the knot with his long-time partner David Furnish in a partnership ceremony with the best wishes from his friends. Supposing he was born a hundred years earlier, impossible the wedding will be on, at least I can not imagine there will exist best wishes of his friends.

Secondly, the combination and communication among the nations, is indispensable episodes in promoting and sharing a better society. Without globalization, the WHO will not accomplish in improving the health condition both in physical and psychological all around the world, a better society will never come into reality. Without combing multiple nations, the peace keeping mission will be an imagination, a better society will not show up. Without the quantum leap in technology and science, the civilization, which undermine the stress of working and serving a increasing convenience, in day-to-day life will only be a fiction in the story. Last but not least, a government of the people, for the people and by the people is coming into being as the development of democracy. Under most circumstances, the skillful children who are raised decades of years ago accomplished outstandingly.

Thirdly, I commit that well socialized juvenile do play a significant role in determines the destiny of our society as a whole, nevertheless, the socialization can not be misguided and if not the result will run to a dead end. Socialization is, as a common sense, believed as a profoundly positive element. On certain occasions, howbeit, socialization serves a very negative effect, which should never be subordinated. Accomplished the formal education, by the virtue of which the juvenile be accounted as “socialized”, each students of contemporary era is, there exists no guarantee for every "socialized" boy and girl to determine the society runs well. The criminal rate of juvenile ,for example, in shanghai ,increasing by 5% in 2008 ,comparing to that in 2007 (Vol.37 of  Asian juvenile ).How can  we place hope on the juvenile mentioned above to guide the progress of our society?

To sum up, we are living in a better society right with sustained advancement. Indispensable though socialization of children is, the outcome may be as the poles of our earth, which required further reformation.

maggiegu1019UID: 2683879

6# KiKi~淇水滺滺
改好了，你看看！有些句子不是没有谓语，也不是有好多主语，你再倒到，那是层层嵌套加倒装而已！